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“You know?” Vicky asked as she stood in line at the cafeteria next to three of the horniest people in the entire school (aka her friends [with benefits] and rivals), “It’s hit me: we never really eat lunch together. Why is that?”
“Well, to start out with, we’re usually some of the last people to arrive for lunch,” Brian pointed out.
It was true today, too—out of a school of a few thousand vaguely teen-to-young-adult-passing creatures, spirits, and arcane-touched of all sorts, there were only about five or so in line behind them. And that being the case, it was only natural that most of the tables were full of people laughing, or taking pictures of their food, or being slowly turned to stone under the strength of Vera’s relentless gaze. Assuming the statues of once-living classmates still counted, not a single table was empty, and only a few open seats remained at all.
“And sitting with hotties means that we get a better chance of dating or banging them, or potentially both,” Amira added.
This was also true. Despite the crowded atmosphere, there were still open chairs remaining at the tables containing the six-to-nine hottest people in school, as if they were being saved just for them—not all of them at any one table, but one of them at any in no particular order of preference.
“And sitting with other people can help us be better ourselves,” Oz concluded.
Again, valid. Vicky could very easily remember the time that the Coven had turned her into two helicopters, and how creative she’d felt afterwards. Or the time that she’d been invited to howl at the moon with the Wolf Pack, and how charmed she’d been by the whole affair. And then there was a time that she’d bought a penguin mask from the shopkeeper, who always took up an entire table just on her own, and, well. There was very little she could say about that affair that would even come close to describing it.
“Look, those are all good points,” she said. “But maybe… just maybe we could try it sometime?”
Her three companions and/or competitors all seemed to consider this as mac and cheese, some sort of mystery meat, and a healthy double-portion of fruit and viscera suspended in jello were dumped on each of their trays.
“Nah,” Amira replied. “I’m gonna join Damian and see if we can light this shit on fire and then start a food fight with it.”
Brian shrugged apologetically. “I promised Calulester to try and go over the meaning of love and ethics with him again.”
A little shadow being bubbled up from Oz’s shoulder and whispered in their ear, and Oz nodded before turning to Vicky. “Sorry—we’re due to have a filk jam session with Liam and Zoe.”
And just like that, all three of them wandered off to their respective waiting seats, leaving Vicky to sigh and look over her available options.
Maybe the shopkeeper would have something that would make her more convincing to everyone else. Or at the very least, she definitely had the money for a pair of fun (if impractical) sunglasses.
Vicky was even later than usual to arrive for lunch a few days later, but was relieved to see Oz at the tail of the cafeteria line. Just the embodiment of fear taken humanoid form that she’d wanted to see.
“Hey Oz! Got any plans for lunch today?”
Oz frowned, their hands fidgeting and a few little shadow beings wobbling as they scanned the cafeteria for what was probably at least the thirteenth time.
“N-not set in stone, at least,” they said eventually. “Why?”
Vicky smiled. “Well, I was wondering if you’d like to play some board games with me.”
This seemed to only confuse Oz. “I mean… yeah, I’d like to. It’s always fun… but there’s not really space anywhere…”
“I talked it over with the Coven already,” Vicky explained. “They’re planning on trying to commune with otherworldly spirits using an Ouija board, so they all need to be on one side of the table anyway. So if we pull up a chair and keep to the other side, we’re golden.”
“But what if—“
“I’ve got Don’t Awaken The Vengeful Spirit Referred To As Father.”
“Deal!”
Playing board games during lunch was fun.
The Vengeful Spirit Referred To As Father seemed magnetically drawn to Oz’s fear and anxiety, almost exclusively popping up on their turn to the point that it was almost an amusing meme unto itself. And Vicky loved coming up with excuses as to why He had awoken ("your coughing was in the exact rhythm of an ancient chant!") and how they were subduing Him again ("he demanded two bedtime stories and the singing of hard rock lullabyes, but they should last him another millennium"), which never failed to make Oz smile. She even got a laugh or two out of them, which was fully endearing, if she said so herself.
And the Coven were great tablemates; every once in a while, Oz had an insight into the Ouija messages which the Coven always valued and considered, and Faith in turn, had some suggestions of her own to add to Vicky’s theories about Father’s awakening and subduing. All in all, it was a fun way to spend a lunch period, and one that Vicky was looking forward to trying again.
And if it felt a little like a group date full of parallel play? Well… Vicky couldn’t say that she minded the thought of that, either.
These lunch not-quite-dates continued for a while, in which they played everything from Ghost Trap (which required Vicky needing to sacrifice a few pretzels and a hair elastic to fill in for missing pieces), Settlers of Catland (in which Oz was able to make the most settlements for their catgirl waifus, winning handily), and Evil Spell Wars (which the Coven joined in for, and somehow they all ended up defeating some sort of evil sorcerer in a way that would make for very satisfying mid-season finale despite the fact that Vicky could’ve sworn that they were only supposed to be battling each other). And then, after a heated round of Full-Contact Strip Parcheesi, Oz turned to Vicky looking a little blushy and anxious in a way Vicky always found so endearing.
“I was wondering…” they said. “I-I mean, this is fun and all but. Um, would you be okay if we were to invite Brian too?”
“I think that would be lovely!” Vicky exclaimed. “Although… five makes for a pretty full table as it is. Would we be able to handle six?”
“Probably not,” Hope replied easily, looking up from the celtic cross she'd been analyzing across the table, “but Aaravi’s generally by herself and she’s a fan of genre things too, so as long as you don’t mind the occasional death threat, y’all might be welcome there.”
Vicky considered this, and nodded. “Worth a try at least. Thanks!”
“Any time,” Hope replied. “And come back any time, okay? Joy’s got a new tarot deck, and I’m really curious how it’ll react to all of you.”
Vicky beamed. “It’d be an honour.”
They didn’t so much ask Araavi if she was okay with them coming over as just arrive at her table with Brian in tow and drop a bunch of comic books down on it.
“Hey! You can’t—‘ Aaravi started, but then she literally dropped the crossbow she’d been aiming at them in shock and amazement as she picked up one of the trades from the stack. “WAIT. IS THIS THE DEMON SLAYER VARIANT COVER OF HUMAN CHRONICLES ISSUE 1?”
“Yeah, it is,” Oz replied, and a handful of little shadow beings nodded their agreement.
“I—but how—I’ve never seen this in person, and I’ve been trying forever to find a copy. HOW?”
Oz shrugged. “It was in my weekly pulls.”
That, apparently, rendered Aavari speechless, and she spent most of the rest of the lunch period sputtering and admiring every last detail of her coveted variant cover. The rest of them, meanwhile, spent the rest of lunch reading various comics and discussing them with each other.
And thus, Comic Book Club was born.
Aavari had reclaimed her senses in time to fully join in on the second or third round of discussions. She really liked the action comics, especially where people got bloodied and monsters got slain. Meanwhile, she all but gagged when they were discussing a comic involving a romantic subplot between a manic pixie Franken, an embodiment of a spooky emotion taken physical form, and a really chill zombie. The rest of them, however, thought it was very cute, and even a little inspiring.
Oh well. With comics, as with most things, you just couldn’t please everyone.
“Hey, where have y’all been at lunch lately?” Amira asked. “I mean, it’s been hot, getting to hang with whoever I want and all, but there’s only so many lunches in a row I can spend with Damien before he starts to be less of a spicy red snack and more of a spicy red baby, you know?”
The rest of them had to admit that they did, indeed, know.
“We’ve been hanging out together,” Vicky explained. “Reading comics. Playing board games. Enjoying ourselves.”
“Really?” Amira asked.
“Yeah,” Oz agreed. “It’s been fun, really. Kind of refreshing, not to be involved in a bunch of schemes for a while. You could come too, if you wanted.”
Amira made a face. “I mean, I guess I could, but that sounds sort of boring….”
Brian considered this for a moment. “We could play video games….”
Amira lit up, suddenly excited by the prospect. “Sold!”
There was just one problem with Brian’s proposal: Playing video games definitely required its own table. And as the four of them were still not good at actually getting to lunch very early, there were no full tables available. Thankfully, Amira came up with a brilliant solution.
No-one really liked the Interdimensional Prince anyway. So maybe if they just sat at his table, set up their gaming systems so that they blocked his face, and then completely ignored him… he’d get the hint and bamf off to whatever dimension from which he came.
And while there was a bit of indignant squawking and squabbling from their erstwhile tablemate at first, the overall plan went off without a hitch. Soon enough, the Prince had sulked off to find a wife who would fully appreciate him and never take his presence for granted, leaving the rest of them to play everything from Scario Kart to Among Them, to a very cool game in which they all had to date a bunch of fictional monsters. (Zoe, passing by, cooed at the last one, exclaiming that it felt adorably meta.)
“You know, this was fun,” Amira said, leaning back as she got her dream date with a flaming red, ambiguously queer devil, while the rest of them got rejected and mocked mercilessly. “We should do this again. Except… maybe not just in the cafeteria?”
Vicky cocked her head. “What do you mean?”
Amira smiled. “Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I found this game rather inspiring. And, while I can certainly have some fun dating monsters in the cafeteria, there’s a handful of activities that I’d much rather do in a supply closet. Or in the bathroom. Or perhaps the costume room. Or even up on the roof. If you catch my drift.
And as Vicky thought about it—four very horny monsters in a secluded area, able to do what they pleased with no eyes on them—it was very easy to understand Amira’s line of thinking indeed.
“I’m game,” Brian said.
Oz nodded silently.
And Vicky? Well, she just grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Vicky made lunch for everyone that morning, and packed it into a large container that took up far too much room in her backpack.
It was worth it. After all, they wouldn’t have time to go to the cafeteria if they were going to do what all they’d had planned. And, well, they’d definitely need all the strength they could get afterwards, if they were going to make it through the rest of the day without collapsing from exhaustion.
She also brought her penguin mask too, just in case someone else brought marbles and some guacamole. One could never be too careful, after all, or too prepared.
And either way, it was sure to be +100 fun, no matter what they ended up getting up to together.