Chapter Text
The Beginning
The first time Clint had tried to rope Bucky into taking part in the annual Avengers Secret Santa gift exchange around the tower, Bucky had emphatically refused, citing all the reasons why he shouldn’t partake in the team tradition after he’d found himself still very much on the outside of things. The second time Clint had urged Bucky to stop being Scrooge and just join the others, Bucky had offered up a few choice words followed up by a gesture with his middle finger meant to get his point across. The third time Clint tried, Bucky wouldn’t even allow his friend to get the words out effectively closing the door in his face before Clint could even utter a syllable meant to persuade Bucky to find his way to the holiday spirit with the rest of the team, so it came as no surprise that when the day arrived for JARVIS to hand out the holiday assignments that Bucky had found himself a little less interested in the buzz than the others had been about discovering who they would get to pamper for the next month leading up to the big reveal at the annual holiday party.
It should’ve been an easy bullet to dodge after Bucky had effectively shut Clint down by opting out of the event, yet somehow nothing had prepared Bucky for the moment when he returned to his apartment after a day out in the city with Peter and Sam chasing down a lead on former Hydra grunts looking to bring about a little menace to an otherwise peaceful holiday season. It was just after sundown when Bucky entered his apartment ready to shut the day behind him—knowing that there was no use in rehashing all the gritty details of how a chase that started in snowy Central Park had landed him unceremoniously underneath the ice of the frozen over lake when the freeze proved to be not quite what it was when the first snowfall hit. At the time Bucky thought nothing about going after the enemy, but soon thereafter he’d wound up frozen in ways that he was certain would land him frostbite in some unsavory places if he didn’t get into a hot shower sooner rather than later. Yes, he got the bad guy and wound up preventing a major catastrophe with his heroics, but neither Sam nor Peter could stop laughing at the way that Bucky went down in the ice looking ironically like a fish out of water with the way he’d been flopping around and trying to drag the bad guy back with him to the surface. Sure, there was no real danger, but unfortunately for Bucky a passerby caught the entire fall on their camera phone and more than readily posted it on the internet for Bucky to be immortalized in his wipe out behind a chorus of laughter from Sam and Peter all the way up until the tower floor Bucky’s apartment was on.
If Bucky hadn’t been so tired from the chase, he probably would’ve cut back a few sarcastic quips pointing out the other times when both Sam and Peter had wiped out in ways that Bucky had filed away in the past for a rainy day so to speak, but the truth was Bucky was tired and sore, still soaked and cold in places that he was convinced needed the heat of his state of the art shower asap. He’d been thinking about it all the way back to the tower after they’d cut through the red tape with the local authorities, so much so that Bucky didn’t bother with pleasantries with his still laughing teammates after he made his way out of the tower elevator headed to his place set on pushing the shocking mishap from his mind after the threat of danger was over. However, as soon as Bucky walked into his apartment, he soon discovered that threat was far from over as the danger was only now beginning in ways he was entirely unprepared for.
“Son of a…” Bucky cursed when he spotted the red envelope with silver lettering and his name across the front on the floor that he knew only too well from the others in the past when they’d gotten damn near giddy over the gift exchange and what it entailed. Sure, it looked like they had fun with it, which was probably why Clint was so persistent in trying to get Bucky to join in, but Bucky had been firm in his decision to decline, yet somehow seeing his name in the silver lettering printed out on the card, Bucky realized that his friend hadn’t bothered to listen to any of the refusals that Bucky had laid out before him.
“Clint, I’m going to kill you,” Bucky practically growled switching gears in his direction and bending down to pick up the envelope fully prepared to send it back to JARVIS to find an alternate in this holiday activity the team celebrated each year.
Yes, sure, Bucky was a part of the team now becoming deeply embedded in what it meant to be an Avenger, but in so many ways he still felt like an outsider—like someone who hadn’t earned the right to be there after all his sins of the past, yet staring at the envelope in his grasp Bucky wondered if this was perhaps a way of changing all of that.
“No,” he finally said to himself lowering the envelope and considering all the ways he was going to chew Clint out for signing him up for this event without his permission.
In an instant there were about a million curse words right there swirling around in his mind and on the tip of his tongue leading him to consider how in the world he was going to get out of this mess, yet against his better judgement Bucky was tearing into the envelope and pulling out the name inside knowing full well he was going to disappoint whatever unlucky fool had been unfortunate enough to get partnered off with him in this secret gift giving game the team played.
“I hope someone else is willing to step up because I just can’t…” Bucky muttered to himself ready to come up with an excuse to bow out when his eyes fell upon the page, and he found himself facing the new reality of just how far Clint had taken him down the rabbit hole when the silver name printed before him on the red card stock sent Bucky’s mind into a tailspin.
Your giftee this season is TONY STARK.
Tony Stark.
The name rolled over Bucky’s mind serving as a painful reminder of how things had gone from bad to worse especially now that he’d been tasked with delivering special gifts to the one man at the tower who barely said more than three words to him each time that they were in a room together. Sure, yeah, okay so they’d moved past that whole situation with Tony hating his guts for the things Bucky had done as the Winter Soldier. If Bucky was honest, that had faded out from their dynamic months earlier paving the way to a reluctant acknowledgement of Bucky on Tony’s end.
Sure, they weren’t hanging out together like Tony did with the others or swapping old war stories, but there was that time not more than three weeks ago when Tony had been in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee. At the time Tony had been returning to his lab only to discover that Bucky was there at the kitchen island silently pretending to read a book and not get caught gawking at the man that yes, Bucky maybe might have found himself staring at a little too long after Bucky had taken to noticing just how gorgeous Tony was. Not that Bucky would ever be brave enough to admit to it after their history together, yet Bucky still couldn’t help but admire Tony from afar. Not that Bucky’s secret evolving crush on Tony would ever come into play considering that as previously mentioned they barely spoke to one another, yet that day with Bucky fighting to put his focus into the book, Tony had continued to make himself a coffee, working dutifully to bring it to where he wanted it to be with the right amount of flavoring before he was off on his way and back to the lab leaving Bucky to ponder if he could ever work up the courage to start a conversation with Tony. Of course, that time Bucky hadn’t been able to do it, yet in Tony’s exit with Bucky struggling to put his energies into the book in his hands, Bucky hadn’t realized that Tony had managed to make two cups of coffee. One for himself and one that was now positioned on the countertop in front of Bucky that Tony had wordlessly prepared for Bucky right before making his way out to the lab after he’d left Bucky with more questions than answers about Tony’s random act of kindness.
It was something that Bucky pondered for three nights following the gesture. So much so that on the fourth day after Tony had left Bucky a coffee, Bucky had taken the initiative to make his way down to Tony’s lab with two coffees from the local shop and a bag of pastries he’d picked up that he’d noticed that Tony had taken to enjoying in the past. Not that Bucky was trying to invade Tony’s space, but he’d been hoping to make an impression. Problem was at the time Bucky hadn’t been sure the gesture had landed as Tony hadn’t been alone and up for any type of conversation let alone hearing Bucky’s thanks for the earlier coffee. Instead, Bruce had been with Tony and the two had been hashing out the details of whatever it was they were working on, barely noticing Bucky’s arrival until that moment when Bucky clumsily stumbled over something that had been spread out on the floor in front of him. That flub up had caused Tony’s eyes to shoot up with concern as he and Bruce were frantic and quick to shuffle over to where Bucky was hoping to ensure that Bucky hadn’t managed to screw up whatever it was they’d been working on. The mishap left Bucky feeling even more out of place after Tony had questioned Bucky’s arrival leaving Bucky with only an apology and a quick mention that he’d wanted to bring Bruce and Tony something to help fuel them up after they’d worked so hard in the last few days before Bucky rushed out of the lab leaving behind the two coffees and pastries for the other men in his retreat.
“Stupid,” Bucky had cursed himself after he’d raced back to the elevator barely making his way inside before humiliation rolled over him completely causing him to replay that mortifying series of events in his mind until the next day when he was down in the kitchen discovering Tony working to prepare his morning coffee with two mugs on the counter beside him.
Not one to question it, Bucky simply made his way over to the other side of the room, opening a cabinet and working to select a box of cereal to start his morning with. Anything to keep his hands busy as Bucky reached for the box in front of him, but Bucky soon found that Tony was standing at his side, sliding one of the mugs he’d been preparing near where Bucky stood behind a slight tip of his head.
“Thanks for the coffee yesterday, Buckaroo. It helped more than you know,” Tony whispered in the back of Bucky’s ear, causing Bucky to stiffen as his fingers gripped tighter around the box of bran flakes that he’d gripped in his attempt to look busy. It was then that he felt a tickle of Tony’s breath against his skin all over again, “If I were you, I’d go for the Cookie Crisp instead. Starting your day with something a little sweet never hurt as far as I’m concerned.”
“Thanks, I’ll do that,” Bucky was quick to answer, turning to look over his shoulder only to discover Tony was already halfway through the door and making his way to his lab where any thought of a conversation with Bucky would be off the table. Still in Tony’s retreat there was the mug of steaming coffee that Tony had left for Bucky serving as a reminder that maybe just maybe there was hope for more pleasantries in the future between them.
That is until Bucky was staring at the Secret Santa assignment and finding himself not only hating that he’d been roped into the exchange, but also discovering that he was completely out of his element now that it came to doing something nice for Tony.
Tony, he thought to himself.
The one man that Bucky would give anything to see smile after all the grief Bucky had inadvertently put in Tony’s direction after the truth about Bucky’s past had come to light. Again, yes, they’d moved past what they’d faced when Tony had learned about Bucky’s history, but still there was a part of Bucky that was desperate to keep making it up to Tony and to have Tony see him in a different light. And it was that part of Bucky that knew as much that he didn’t want to be a part of this gift exchange that he had no choice but to do everything he could to be the best Secret Santa imaginable and bring as much joy as possible to Tony in this holiday season even if the prospect terrified him.
Week One
Bucky’s palms were sweating, his mind on overload after he discovered that Tony would be out for the day, accompanying a few of the others to a PR event hosted by Stark Industries, yet it was in the morning that Bucky found his window to deliver the first gift to Tony. He’d stewed over it from the moment he decided that he was all in on the holiday event knowing that it was a risk to even think he could master this gift exchange and come out on top of it in ways that might make someone like Tony happy. After all, what did you give the man who had everything and wanted nothing in return from anyone around him especially a former enemy who’d caused him heartbreak in the past? For the longest time nothing came to mind, which only added to the stress Bucky was feeling over trying to come up with the ‘perfect’ set of gifts for Tony.
Of course, to make the gifting process simple the participants were given guidelines or rather themed ideas for the weekly gifts that they were meant to give the others. What Secret Santas actually gifted their giftee was up to them as they were meant to hand out a series of five gifts to their person, but it had to follow the guidelines that the initial announcement had offered up. They were as follows:
Secret Santa Guidelines for Gifts
Week 1:
Useful
Week 2:
Practical
Week 3:
Ugly holiday sweater exchange for the holiday luncheon
Week 4:
Personal
Final Gift (Given at Team Holiday Party):
Gifter’s Choice (No theme needed).
And yes, when Bucky had initially read the list, he had panicked knowing that he would have to put some thought into what he gave Tony because something run of the mill and ordinary simply wouldn’t do. The useful and practical gifts as far as Bucky was concerned might be a challenge, but far easier than the one that was meant to be personal or even the gifter’s choice, which Bucky didn’t have the first clue about what he would do. However, it was Tony, and Bucky knew that whatever he decided had to be special which was why Week 1 had proven to be a touch more stressful than Bucky anticipated even if he’d wanted to put his all into the gifting process.
So caught up in his head over what to do, Bucky had damn near chickened out more times than he could count, yet somehow after multiple lengthy conversations with Alpine about just going for it and stepping up to the plate, Bucky had managed to get himself out there, scouring the city streets for the perfect gift in the hopes that maybe just maybe it would be enough to give Tony something to look forward to in the weeks leading up to the big reveal. Of course, doing so was hard—really hard that Bucky had reached a point where he’d found he had to settle for something that felt right instead of something extravagant or as perfect as Tony deserved.
Sure, deep-down Bucky was certain he could do better, but with the package in his hand of the warm and fuzzy slipper socks he’d picked up for Tony that were red and white with various knitted kittens working in Santa’s workshop building toys and decorating holiday trees, he felt like he’d hit the mark. It was a touch ridiculous, but absolutely adorable with some of the cats holding candy canes outstretched in their paws to hang a star on said trees to humorous effect as others were wrapped in bows and looking just as disoriented as Bucky felt in the gift giving process. Still, Bucky had decided they were charming and absurd enough for Tony with tiny pink toe beans on the bottom of the socks making them look like kitten paws. They were soft and fuzzy, so damned comfortable and ridiculously cute that Bucky had also picked up a pair for himself that Alpine was eager to steal away from him almost as soon as he’d come home with his purchase. The truth was as silly as they were Bucky hoped they would pull a laugh from the man he was looking to please.
With a look over his shoulder, Bucky was quick to make his way into the lab having worked out an arrangement with JARVIS to gain access for the sake of dropping off the gift undetected per the terms of the gift exchange. He was halfway through the lab, gripping the red foil wrapped package and paying attention to the golden bow on top of it before he finally found the strength to set the gift down on Tony’s desktop hoping that when Tony found it he’d be pleasantly surprised by what Bucky had pulled together for gift one.
“I hope he likes it,” Bucky mouthed to himself, repositioning it again on the center of the desk, placing it next to Tony’s keyboard in the hopes that in the morning Tony would find it just where Bucky had left it.
And just like that Bucky had dropped off his first gift before making his way out of the lab and back upstairs to ponder just what else he would pull together in the weeks that followed.
“Easy enough,” Bucky mouthed to himself as he made his way upstairs to his apartment only to discover a package waiting for him on the outside of his door.
It was then that Bucky realized that while he’d been so caught up in giving gifts to Tony that he’d forgotten he’d been a giftee as well with his own Secret Santa set on offering Bucky surprise gifts along the way.
With a pause Bucky looked around the hallway wondering if his gifter was still close in the short time it had taken Bucky to go downstairs and deliver Tony’s gift. When he discovered that there was no one in sight, Bucky bent down scooping up the significantly larger box than the one he’d left for Tony. It was wrapped in golden colored paper adorned with bright green Christmas trees decorated with ornaments and a golden star topped with red curly ribbons around a wide bow around the center of the package drawing Bucky’s focus to how pretty the box was in itself. It was heavy, but not too heavy for Bucky to take it back into the apartment with him now curious about what it was that his Secret Santa had decided to gift him with.
Carrying the box into the living room, Bucky’s mind was racing with possibility wondering just what was inside the mystery package. In an instant, he thought about all the others on the team imagining the range of possibilities of what could be inside, yet somehow none of his guesses had prepared him for the moment when he’d reluctantly torn open the package and reached inside to discover a crimson-colored weighted blanket before him. It was something that Bucky had often heard about and considered after he’d been plagued by nightmares through the years, but he'd always opted out of getting one after the cost hadn’t factored into his budget. However, unlike the ones he’d looked at in the past, this one was nice—really nice and had him wondering who had considered such an extravagant gift. It made him almost regret the simplicity of what he’d gotten for Tony now that he held the blanket up and considered the possibility of what it could bring to his life moving forward.
“No point in regretting it now,” Bucky thought to himself vowing that he’d do better with the next gift after he made his way into his bedroom, bound and determined to find a way to put his gift to good use as he made a mental note to thank the gifter properly when the mystery was over.
Of course, it wasn’t until later that night when Bucky tried out his gift that he’d discovered just how blissful it felt to be wrapped up in the blanket, having it hug his body in ways that, if he was honest, he’d been lacking on for quite a few years. It was the first time in a long time that Bucky had made it through an entire night without a disruption in his sleep, finding himself comforted by the hug the blanket had provided. So much so that when Bucky had staggered out of bed in the morning, he realized that he’d missed his early morning training session with Sam and Clint.
Still groggy from his long rest, Bucky had been quick to drop his friends a text before hopping into the shower and heading down into the communal kitchen to grab a quick bite before preparing to go down to the gym to more than make up for his tardiness. However, when he entered the kitchen what he hadn’t been planning on was seeing Tony over by the coffee machine working to pull together his morning caffeine fix. At his side on the counter there were two mugs positioned much like they’d been before, eager to be filled and shared with the lucky person Tony was looking to treat.
The sight in itself brought a smile to Bucky’s face, causing him to light up in the hopes that maybe just maybe Tony was thinking of him, but it wasn’t until Bucky’s gaze traveled down the length of Tony’s body that Bucky discovered his gift of the slipper socks on Tony’s feet out and on full display behind the green Christmas tree themed Crocs that he had put on for the morning. It caused Bucky to grin like an idiot, unable to ignore the way he felt a pang of amusement in his chest proud that his simple gift had been something that Tony had considered worthy of wearing on his morning around the tower.
“Nice socks,” Bucky finally found the courage to speak up crossing the kitchen and making his way over to the cabinet where he knew there would be a few power bars he could snatch up before heading down to the gym to join Clint and Sam.
“I thought so. Someone special dropped them off for me last night and I thought what better way to show my appreciation than to wear them today,” Tony answered not looking over at Bucky as he tended to the coffee in front of him, “They feel incredible. You should consider investing in a pair Buckaroo. Might help you be quick on your toes with how comfortable they are.”
“With how cute they are,” Bucky turned around to regard Tony again behind a neutral expression, seemingly scrutinizing the gift he’d spent far too long agonizing over in the first place. Still seeing Tony eagerly showing them off to anyone around him, Bucky couldn’t help but feel that pride inside of him growing with Tony’s approval, “I may have to consider it.”
“You should. Might be good for those sleepless nights of yours,” Tony finally looked over at Bucky again, offering up a touch of a smile in ways that had Bucky’s heart beating faster. His eyes were suddenly focused on Tony’s lips, thinking about the mouth that had been a significant part of the dreams he’d carried through his full night’s rest the previous evening. Suddenly Bucky felt his face grow hot as he feared his thoughts would betray him the longer that he was looking at Tony.
Forcing himself to turn away as it all became too much, Bucky began searching the cabinet for the power bar only to hear the slow slide of the coffee mug Tony had prepared over in his direction.
“Speaking of which,” Tony cleared his throat and stood beside Bucky, still holding the mug in his grip before Bucky was standing taller, clenching the power bars he’d collected with nervous fingers and fighting to maintain his cool with Tony beside him, “I notice you’re up later today. Long night?”
“A restful one,” Bucky confessed finally pulling together enough strength to face Tony again, seeing the curiosity spark behind those warm chocolate-colored eyes revealing a fleck of amber and green behind their depths.
It was then that Bucky recognized just how close they were—sensing how their nearness had put Bucky on high alert. It was drawing Bucky’s attention to the scent of Tony’s clean, crisp aftershave and the way that his lips were still curved slightly upward as if amusement and curiosity were guiding Tony in for a conversation between them.
“No nightmares?” Tony inquired softening his voice as if the words were a shared secret between them despite the fact Bucky was certain everyone knew just how many nights Bucky had been plagued by night terrors of his past.
“Not last night,” Bucky divulged just as quiet as Tony was. He began leaning in closer to Tony and touching his fingers over the mug Tony was holding. He knew it was a risk in doing so, but for a moment he felt brave—almost brazen like he used to be back before he’d gone off to war and his life was forever changed in taking him down the wrong road. As if on instinct, Tony’s finger curled out over Bucky’s skimming just the tip before Tony was swallowing down a breath and releasing the mug as if he hadn’t just experienced the same jolt of electricity that Bucky felt in the shared touch.
“Good,” was all that Tony said before offering up a quick nod and returning to the other coffee mug he’d prepared for himself. In an instant Tony pulled it up off the counter and before Bucky knew it Tony was out the door leaving Bucky longing for the memory of Tony’s touch, wishing that somehow it had lingered just a fraction longer. The thought was damning somehow, leaving Bucky thinking and feeling things that he was certain he shouldn’t, yet somehow in remembering Tony proudly wearing Bucky’s gift and putting it on display for the rest of the team to see, Bucky felt a sense of pride swell in his chest realizing that despite the silly nature of his gift, Tony had enjoyed it enough to wear it, which meant Bucky was on the right track moving forward with his gift giving skills.