Chapter Text
The white space dissipates, slowly collapsing to reveal the exact same field Sonic had his birthday party in, almost as if no time had passed at all, the blue hedgehog looks up and sees the chilli-dog fall back down and land back in his hand, miraculously both staying in one piece, and being just as piping hot as when he first received it.
Without a second to spare, everyone else quickly begins to appear who were previously at the surprise party, though a few newcomers also arrive, the likes of Shadow and Silver appearing who initially didn't turn up originally for whatever reason.
Sonic looks around as everyone slowly begins to reorientate themselves, not everyone being used to suddenly appearing and reappearing. There's a bit of an awkward pause as a few people readjust themselves, understandably so, a few people beginning to question what they should do, some saying that it'd be strange to party almost instantly after some world ending event.
“Well no time like the present, you guys should continue the party. We stopped robotnik, thats definitely cause for celebration. Plus its Sonics birthday too”
A familiar yet childish voice speaks out with everyone's attention turning to the two tailed fox, which results in said fox sheepishly jumping at the sudden attention, understandably so, not used to attention from a lot of people, even if they're all close friends. He defensively lifts his hands up.
“Hey I never said that”
Sonic chuckles, as from behind the large tree overlooking the food on the table, appears the younger version of Sonic and Tails, waving with smiles as the classic genius speaks.
“Well technically you did”
This retort earns a chuckle from a few people with Sonic speaking up, ruffling the younger foxes hair a bit which earns a giggle from the fox.
“Well the kid has a point, we just stopped Eggman again so I don't see why not” Sonic smirks, earning sounds of agreements from everyone at the party. Everyone finally begins to speak again with the party feeling more lively, it's not often everyone gets to hang out like this. Blaze is usually of in her own dimension, filling her role as queen, Knuckles has his duty as guardian, the chaotix needing to keep a roof over their heads. Really everyone now has their own lives, the days of adventuring haven't come to an end but everyone seems to be growing up. Speaking of a newcomer who wasn't here initially.
Sonic goes to walk over to Silver, along the way speaking to a few of his friends, making a bet with Charmy, catching up with Blaze, playfully annoying Knuckles, no matter how much time passes, how far apart everyone is, they feel like family to him…he feels like he belongs.
Sonic glances at a few other people and notices Rouge speaking to Amy, whilst he can't hear what they're saying or even see Amy's face as her back is towards him…but the look on Rouge is something he doesn't see often…
Worry
Sonic makes a mental note to talk to Rouge later as he might have an idea what its about.
Finally the hero approaches the silver hedgehog, who seems to be thoroughly invested in the cake. The birthday hedgehog interrupting him by playfully punching him in the arm, masked by his defining toothy grin, smirking at the fighter from the future.
“And where were YOU before the whole Time Eater incident? Seemed like you wasn't going to show up”
The blue blur playfully asks with the telekinetic hedgehog laughing a bit whilst eating his slice of cake.
“Well I was on my way, minus stopping off at a few of the wrong birthday dates, by the time I realised how old you were going to be, the Time Eater sent me off-course, tonnes of fake versions of you, it was creepy”
Silver comedically shivers at the thought. With Sonic laughing, saying it explains why he suddenly attacked him.
The party has picked up a notch, now almost everyone seems to be relaxed and enjoying themselves. Tails talking and theorizing with his younger self, the younger Sonic talking with as many people as he can, speeding around to the next person for a conversation…through avoiding a certain hedgehog standing by himself…I'm his own world.
Shadow stands alone under the shade of the tree, leaning against it with his arms crossed…his mind elsewhere now as all his emotions feeling like they're going to come crashing down all at once. Looking down at his hand he feels it begin to shiver then suddenly his vision becomes blurry from tears but as quickly as they appear, they are wiped away.
Shadow shakes his head with a pained expression and holds one hand to his face, almost like he's facepalming himself but instead he's trying to soothe his head.
“Get it together!”
He grumbles to himself, with him trying to
return to a neutral expression…well as much as he can manage anyway, these feelings inside him refuse to be pushed down, like a full cup of water still trying to be filled, he can't help himself but musters up the will to hold it all back, today isn't about him… everyone is enjoying themselves, he doesn't need to ruin the mood.
He glances over towards everyone happily enjoying themselves as the party, Sonic (the Sonics?) celebrating their birthdays. They're all enjoying themselves, why should he burden them with his issues.
The distance between him and everyone only grows even further, the feeling of being a simple outsider compared to the tight knit circle of friends he can see, even Touge seems more at home with everyone than with him…
Not that he'd blame her, she's usually looking over him and Omega so she probably gets sick of him, he understands…
He understands that he doesn't belong here…
Shadow turns around and is about to walk off however a familiar voice calls out to him.
“When did you get here?”
He turns his head to see Amy Rose looking at him, albeit a bit surprised to see him here. She decides to walk over to the black hedgehog, a surprised expression plastering her features, Shadow looks back just as surprised though not visibly so…she's never really bothered to talk to him all that much.
Amy Rose, the two aren't exactly friends, acquaintances at best if he were to really push it…though he does hold a soft spot for her, she helped him remember Maria's final wish on the Ark when he was first awoken by the doctor…
Maria’s and Amy's wish were identical, to give everyone a chance…he respects her but beyond that, doesn't know anything about her…
“I was busy following up a… lead…then that Time Eater warped me to the white space and after i was done with that… I appeared here…”
Shadow answers truthfully, with his back nowl turned to her, getting ready to leave… almost instantly he notices his voice is that ever bit more shaken than usual… now more than ever the black hedgehog wants to however almost as if hes being tortured, on top of holding back these feelings Amy stops him im his track by grabbing his hand with her own, shaking in the process…though he's unsure who's causing the shaking.
“W-wait, you should stay. Since you're here now you might as well make the most of it.
Plus I made the cake and I'd love to get your opinion on it”
Shadow considers it for a second… looking st the plea on her face
I suppose it wouldn't hurt
He sighs ever so slightly, turning around in the process, causing their hands to leave one another, the small warmth he felt quickly leaving too…
“Fine… Only because I've heard good things about your baking…”
He says which earns a smile from Amy as they make their way to the table. Shadow manages to glance a look at Rouge who seems to be conversing with the younger version of Tails along with Knuckles.
All seems normal, especislly so with Rouge who is an expert at hiding how she reslly feels… but those subtle changes in her demeanor allows him to know something is bothering her, before he can ponder it further he's given a paper plate with a piece of cake on it, Amy gleefully looking up at him whilst offering him a fork.
Shadow takes the fork and cuts a slice of the cake and eats it, the vanilla and raspberry taste not being too overwhelming with the cake itself not being dry at all, he doesn't eat often, especially deserts but this is definitely top of his list.
Shadow takes a bite, and then another, and then another until the cake is gone, the pink rose looking to the dark hedgehog for an opinion, smiling and slightly surprised at how quickly he practically devoured it.
“Sooo…?”
She questionly asks, looking up at Shadow, now noticing that there's only a small height difference between the two though Amy still needing to look up to match his red eyes.
“I don't have much of a sweet tooth…but that was really well made”
Shadow says, his voice still shaking a tiny bit, however it being more-so than last time… Amy yet again gives him another smile as she speaks and yet again, Shadow feels an unusual warmth…Whilst small…Whilst borderline miniscule…It's all he can feel for a moment before those thoughts return.
Shadow glances around at everyone, he's in the middle with Amy where all the food is, he's in the middle of the group, where someone should feel like they are part of the group…
Even though he’s no longer watching from afar.
Even though he's with people he's grown to trust.
Even though he's with people he's fought alongside with…
Why CAN’T I feel like I belong…
Shadows hand begins to shake again, very clearly reaching his emotional limit and the pink hedgehog in front of him catches on quickly, holding his hands with her own, softly asking him.
“Hey are you okay?”
Shadow looks at Amy, this is highly unusual, the two have so much as had a proper conversation with one another since the black arms invaded…which was years ago. So why is she suddenly interested now? He doubts its a crush, he doubts she's willingly doing this…
The instantly that second thought is formed, be glances at Rouge with the pieces now beginning to fall in place…she had mentioned this was more-so Amy's forte…so instead of helping him through it herself like she said, she pawned it off to Amy…
Slowly Shadows irritation begins to rise, forcefully pulling his hands away from Amy with a pained expression…
“What do you care…”
Shadow spits, causing Amy to stammer, trying to form a sentence.
“I was just worri-”
“no you weren't”
Shadow interrupts, his hands shaking ever so slightly yet again with his usual voice now faltering however doing his best to keep his cool. He wants to know why she suddenly cares now.
“You've never cared, so why start now”
Shadow says yet again, that same pained expression all over his face, trying to hold everything back. Part of him is shouting for him to stop.
she's just trying to help…
Though the anger fueling him overrides all logical thinking.
“Only because Rouge put you up to this, you don't need to act like you care”
He let's out, causing Amy's eyes to widen as she just stands there…unsure of what to say.
Shadow sighs, trying to calm himself down as he speaks in a lower tone, tired of it all…
“I'll be taking my leave”
Shadow turns around, being too mentally exhausted to even use chaos control however before he can fully walk off, Rouge steps in his way, blocking his exit path.
“Listen…Shadow you're hurti-”
Shadows anger suddenly spikes, growling whilst speaking in a low tone, cutting the jewel thief off mid sentence.
“Do NOT finish that sentence”
If a scene wasn't made before there certainly has been one made now…whilst everyone did not automatically turn their heads, the subtle glances are more than enough to know they're being watched. Suddenly Amy speaks up yet again, her voice soft.
“Rouge was just worried about you and after hearing what happened, so am I”
She tries to explain, that soft and innocent voice betrayed by the lie in that sentence…at least to Shadow.
“I just thought Amy would be better suited to talk about it…”
Rouge continues, looking away feeling a twinge of guilt swell up inside her.
Shadow glances back at her, his features calming slightly though his expression turns borderline emotionless, he still speaks with angry, though much quieter tone… Defeat lingering on in his voice.
“Don't bother…”
Even though he was finally able to let go of this anger towards everyone when facing black doom…it's now been replaced with hate and sadness.
All Rouge can do is stand there, feeling just as defeated with Shadow slowly walking past them… he's so close to freedom, able to skate off and go wherever his mind takes him, of course the universe has other plans, it's still not done with him.
Just as he's finally able to leave, the blue hedgehog gets in his way, with his all too familiar and irritating smile.
“Heya Shads, what's with the commotion?”
Sonic intervenes, with his all too familiar happy-go-lucky attitude however a few people notice there's something off about him… Whilst under usual circumstances Shadow would be able to spot it, it seems to fly over his head this time around as he grows impatient.
“what do you want?”
The ultimate lifeform quickly shoots out about almost as quickly as he can run, sounding impatient, trying to leave as soon as possible.
“Come on, no need for hostility. How about you just calm down for a second, the two only want to help…”
Sonic says giving a thumbs up to the black hedgehog though he means in closer and talks much quieter, more calm and less energised.
“I know seeing Maria and Gerald again must've been hard Shadow, but you got through it”
Like a switch was flicked…Shadow stares at his blue counterpart in complete shock. Shadows eyes widen in shock and he can just about feel a few peoples eyes piercing him…all this attention on him, all those memories flooding back… his hands shaking yet again…
Black Doom, the look on Geralds face once he realised their fate, the Ark massacre, Maria's sad smile, her lifeless body… her final wish…
“Shadow, I beg of you! Give them a chance to be happy!”
That phrase ringing in his head…over and over
All of it becomes too much.
Anger overwhelms Shadow… all of a sudden lunging at Sonic, viciously grabbing him by the throat, activating the burners on his air shoes and slamming the blue hedgehog’s back into the tree whilst gritting his teeth.
The bubbling anger having finally become too much, Rouge and Amy rush over in an attempt to pry the ultimate lifeform off the hedgehog who can barely breathe.
Not even a split second passed where everyone else quickly dashes their way over to help them.
“Do you wish to make an enemy of me again! Is your ego so inflated that defeating the doctor, saving history isn't enough for you but instead you want to pick ANOTHER fight!”
Shadow roars out in rage, the two girls finally managing to loosen his hold on Sonic who gasps out of air, violently coughing whilst looking at Shadow with an unfamiliar expression.
Almost instantly after he's freed, he’s pulled away by Tails along with his younger self, checking to make sure hes okay while everyone else suddenly surrounds Sonic, helping him up.
Shadow is still being held back by the two though eventually his anger subsides. Though one problem is now replaced by anotber, his breathing suddenly feels shallow along with the rate being morerapid, his body buckling under the weight of it all out of nowhere for a second, almost stumbling however before he falls, Amy manages to grab hold of him, looking at the hedgehog with worry, this usual stoic and reserved hedgehog in so much pain doesn't sit right with her.
Much to Amy's objection, Shadow yet again forcefully pulls himself out of her hold, regaining his breath with deep breaths as all the others can do is just stand there and watch…
Sonic stares at Shadow through the small gaps between everyone supporting him and helping him up.
All Shadow can do is stare back with guilt, clutching his chest with heavy breaths escaping the black hedgehog…he tried to get closer but is pushed away, all he's about to muster is mouthing an
“I'm sorry”
Sonic’s eyes widen, he doesn't think he's ever gotten an apology from Shadow… though he's not the only one who caught on, Sonics younger self also catches this and begins to focus on the scene unfolding ahead of him.
With shaking hands, Shadow finally goes to take his leave, Rouge attempting to stop him one last time, pleading out to him in hopes of helping.
“Wait Shadow, if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you, you don't need to feel this way”
Shadow glances back at the two with his blood red eyes, though now it's noticeable that small tears are beginning to form as he stares at the two with the pinkette timidly speaking up.
“Please, don't distance yourself from us”
Shadow stares at the pink hedgehog one more time before letting a single tear drop fall just before he quickly turns around and speaks in a completely defeated voice.
“No… I don't belong with you all…The only people I truly belonged with are gone”
Hastily he takes his leave , skating off into the horizon though his form less polished, hos skates more violent. All Rouge and Amy can do is watch on in defeat, the yellow trail getting further and further away along with their hope of helping vanishing.
After finally reassuring everyone that hes fine they give Sonic space, still questioning whether he's okay, though all he does is respond with a thumbs up and a weak smile.
Sonic walks over to the two, rubbing his throat with a squint, catching his breath, his voice raspy…
“I messed up, he's hurting right now. He needs some time to cool off, hopefully he'll come around”
Sonic says with a hint of worry with Rouge glancing at the blue hedgehog, unsure herself of what to say.
“It's not your fault blue… I knew it'd effect him seeing them again… but not to this extent…”
The bat admits, her wings now tucked into her back, concern seeping from her voice, she never usually feels guilty but in this case… Shadow is her friend, he's always there to help her but whenever he needs her, she fails.
“I'm not sure he ever got over it”
Amy admits, earning a glance from the blue hedgehog and the bat, waiting for her to continue however Amy scratches her head a second, trying to collect her thoughts.
“I think he accepted what happened but didn't quite move on. Maria's words to him are his driving force, that's not how someone acts when they move on… ever since he remembered Maria's words…he's latched onto them
And we've just made him feel worse”
Amy admits, looking ahead to see the orange streak vanish in the distance before turning back to the two, both her and Rouge sharing the same guilt ridden expression.
“Come on you two, I doubt he blames either of you”
Sonic speaks up, his voice slowly returning to normal as he continues his attempt at reassuring the two.
“try not to think about it too much right now, I'll catch up to him once we've all had the chance to calm down and try to convince him to come back”
The older blue blur states, putting a hand on both of their shoulders with Rouge slowly agreeing, saying that it's the best thing for them to do right now.
The pink hedgehog however remains silent.
Knuckles walks over to the trio and speaks up, wanting an explanation, sounding irritated at the sudden scene that took place.
“what the hell was that just now”
“Yeah, Shadow hasn't lashed out like that in years, what's going on?”
The two tailed fox walks beside the echidna, looking at the three, perplexed however Sonic goes go answer but is stopped by Amy.
“no…It’s not our place to say…”
Tails and Knuckles look at the pink girl, Tails looking confused, whilst he is a genius, hes still young however Knuckles’ eyes widen in realisation, then he glances at the guilt ridden bat, managing to put two and two together…
“I can guess what happened…If im right then he must've held himself back considerably. I'm surprised he didn't lash out more, you okay Rouge?”
The bat looks almost startled at the sudden call out, having been staring into spacd in thought. Whilst it can be hard for Knuckles to tell just what exactly she is thinking…sometimes he can read her like a book.
“I'm fine… I just don't know what to do… we shouldn't have forced him to talk about it.”
She stares but Knuckles shrugs, throwing in his own two cents.
“He would've locked his emotions away, it's best for him to deal with it now. Plus you were all just doing what you thought was right, I'm sure Shadow knows that. Even when he's angry he’s logical”
He says, trying to comfort the trio, Sonic chuckling on how he's listening to Knuckles for advice along with Rouge giving the guardian a real, genuine smile of gratitude.
Amy however…she's still silent though suddenly classic Tails come between everyone, asking something in a bit of a panic.
“has anyone seen Sonic?”
The group look at him in confusion before pointing at him however Sonic looks around, noticing something and quickly letting out his words in a panic”
“Wait, my younger self is gone!”
Rouge facepalms herself with Knuckles almost mimicking that exact sentiment before grumbling under his breath.
“Chaos I forget there's two of you sometimes”
Before everyone can freak out the older two tailed fox speaks up.
“I think I saw him go after Shadow”
Though his tone is unsure however Silver and Blaze support that, joining in the conversation.
“Yes, we saw your younger self run off after Shadow soon after he left”
The princess speaks in her usual demeanor with Silver chuckling and scratching the back of his head.
“Yeah even as a kid, Sonic is still fast”
The older Sonic looks of into the distance, pondering something however Amy decides to walk off in the same direction shados left. This earns a few people asking where she's going.
“If your younger self went after him, maybe I can catch up and apologise”
Knucles gives Amy a confused expression and asks a question, unable to wrap her head around the pinkettes thinking.
“Why do you need to apologise? You didn't do anything wrong”
“Because he was right…I've never cared before.
I've only spoken to him twice before now…once on the Ark way back when he first showed up and then after whilst I was looking for Cream during the black arms invasion…
Both times I asked him to help and he did”
Amy admits with Cream noting that she remembers Shadow helping her look for Cheese back in cryptic castle. Sonic nods his head and speaks, humming in agreement.
“Well if you want to catch up with…well me, you should go now. I want to go too but I think he'd be overwhelmed with all of us showing up”
Sonic admits with Rouge agreeing before she suddenly comes to a realisation, staring at Sonic in bewilderment.
Amy nods her head, saying she’ll be back with Shadow and everyone should try and enjoy themselves before she sprints off in the distance, nowhere near as fast as the black or blue hedgehogs but nothing to scoff at either.
“Did you hear me speak to Amy about what happened to Shadow?”
Rouge questions Sonic, with the hedgehog only able to let out a dismissive grunt.
“I saw you looked worried but I didn't hear you, why?”
He questions, though deep down he has am idea what she's going to ask.
“How did you know Shadow met Gerald and Maria again?”
Rouge questions, glancing at the blue blur who sighs and taps his feet.
“Because I met them in that white space too, you must've not seen me. It was after I got the Chaos Emerald off Shadow”
Sonic explains, showing off the yellow emerald.
_______________________
Idiot
You absolute idiot
You HAD to go and make a scene didn't you!
The abundance of those thoughts are stirring in the ultimate lifeforms mind as he's skating, the irritation inside him growing more and more.
He knows he was being unfair to them.
He knows they just wanted to help.
He wants to let go of this anger.
But deep down…Maybe this is who he's always been? Maybe Maria was wrong about him… Shadow slows down upon seeing where he is at now, noticing the same patch of flowers on the cliffside overlooking rest of the terrain. The black hedgehog even sees the exact same tree he destroyed what seems like days ago, the hedgehog ponders before sighing and sitting down in the patch of flowers whilst overlooking the landscape.
He just sits there and remembers, those very few moments with the two people he cared for, even if brief, it did bring him happiness however what seems like in cruel fashion… that was torn away from him too. He thought he moved on from everything that happened on the Ark, thinking about it just hurts too much, thinking about her just hurts way too much…too much to handle. Even now his breaths begin to get longer however each best somehow feels shallow, like he's drowning in all his unfiltered and raw emotions, each breath a gasp for air though hollowed out with the void of what was left behind….
Him
He doesn't belong…he never will… They aren't his friends, they shouldn't care about him. All he's ever done is bring chaos and destruction… all he ever wants to do is help, for someone to look at him and not be fearful…for someone to accept him for who HE is…
But that's wishful thinking.
He doesn't doubt there are people capable of this…but he is not willing to put his friends life in danger just because they're close…he knows they'll want to help and the last time someone wanted to help…
His thoughts remain silent as all he can hear is the same gunshot on that fateful day which snuffed out her existence…
He's tried reaching out to her family but it's been so long…that most of them are either dead or don't want anything to do with Shadow, citing his existence as to blame and can be blame them?
No
The ultimate lifeform remembers Maria and Gerald’s reactions to seeing him, both instantly noticed that he wasn't their Shadow. He was angrier.
He was regretful.
He was Sad.
He was so fundamentally different than what they knew, he felt like he was simply taking the place of the real Shadow in his absence.
Shadow glances off into the distance…pondering whether he even deserves to live after what he's caused…what he's done…
He brings nothing but pain…he's nothing but an imitation of a mural that came to fruition only when the blue hedgehog was born.
Whilst his blue counterpart saves lives and keeps on living his best life.
All he seems to do is chain himself to the past and push away anyone who tries to get close.
Almost as if on cue, Sonic arrives, though not the one Shadow is familar with. Rouge had mentioned that the blue hedgehog teamed up with his younger self which really had to be seen to be believed, the black hedgehog quickly observes this version of Sonic.
This one looks much younger than his older version. His quills being shorter along with being a much lighter blue but not only that, his mannerisms being less confident, more shy but still that glee for adventure etched into every fiber of his being.
The much younger hedgehog glances at the black hedgehog for a moment before taking a seat in the field of flowers next to Shadow. The ultimate lifeform questions him, that exhausted but fragile voice sounding like it's going to shatter at any moment.
“So you're the younger sonic right? Why are you here?”
All Sonic does is shrug, looking out at the view with a skeptical expression, probably pondering why he’s even here, Shadow knows he is…Thinking back, Shadow also notes how Rouge said Sonics younger self didn't talk much, if at all however those damn mannerisms were so strange to see, even if it's a younger version, it's still a different person…
Much like he was.
“If you're not going to give me an answer then leave…”
Shadow says, the irony not lost on him, usually wanting Sonic to shut up but he's now asking him to speak, trying to act malicious however it just comes off as being irritated, his voice sounding the way it is certainly isn't helping the fact too, one more memory away from shattering.
With no real intent behind his voice, Shadow just tells him to go away, brought down to an almost pathetic state, not even having enough energy in his system to use chaos control and never come back… Sonic still doesn't listen, still being just as stubborn as his older counterpart.
The dark hero glances at the younger hedgehog, who upon entering the sight of the ultimate lifeform uncomfortably shuffles in place, the wind flowing free, brushing both hedgehogs quills in the light breeze, on any other day this would be a comfortable breeze…on any other day…
“Are you worried about me? Is that why you're here”
Shadow questions, still facing forward, not daring to glance at the pondering kid who nods his head in response. Still refusing to glance at the hedgehog, Shadow can hear the shuffling of Sonic nodding his head before he let's out a light huff.
“You don't need to bother Sonic, you won't meet me for another few years. I'm not your problem.”
A quiet sentence from the ultimate lifeform emerges from his vocal cords, he feels incredibly strange speaking in such a defeated manor. The blue hedgehog walks into the black hedgehogs line of sight, an annoyed expression visible whilst shaking his head though Shadow just ignores the hedgehog, still looking in the distance before speaking up.
“Fine…If you really want to help me, answer me this. Something about you I can't understand no matter how hard I try”
Shadow says, now staring at the younger hedgehog whose eyes are now filled with determination, the vision of him kind of reminding him of her, how motivated she was.
“how do you do it?”
Shadows words are slow and quiet, calculated but also emotionally driven, almost as if he's thought this question over hundreds of times.
Sonic’s facial expression shows confusion, the blue hedgehog staring at the ultimate life form, not understanding what he is being asked.
“After every adventure, every world shattering event, theres one thing that stays consistent about you, no matter the situation.
"How are you so happy?”
Sonics eyes widen from the surprise, his mouth hanging open in shock, he's never really thought about that before…Sonic has always just been upbeat, never having anything to tether him down and flowing as free as the wind.
Sonic had heard stories, he clearly hasn't met Shadow yet but after speaking with his older self about the many friends his older counterpart has, the black hedgehog was always more of a sore topic to talk about. His older self stating that behind all that anger and rage, there was someone who wanted to do good, much like themselves however his older self noted that Shadow always seemed to be punished for these actions.
Whilst for the younger blue hedgehog so far, everything usually tends to work out in the end… He had just assumed this was the case for everyone he meets…
Sonic glances at the older hedgehog and truly sees Shadow for what he is… Not a cynical person drowning in anger. Not even someone who refuses to come to terms with whatever happened to him…
Shadow is similar to he used to be early on, before he even met his best friends, Tails and Knuckles…
He’s someone who's lost.
But theres something that sets them apart, though Classic Sonic is far too young and inexperienced to understand.. …
Sonic can't answer that… Shadow knows it's unfair to him, to ask something that some people deal with their entire lives, to ask something that some people are never able to figure out.
But everything that has happened to him has been unfair, why shouldn't he be allowed to be a bit unfair… maybe if someone else had to deal with it, he'd finally feel like he's moving forward. But there's a small part of him, a twinge of guilt spreading for asking something of someone so innocent and young.
The dark hero isn't one to burden others with his issues, no less a child.
Shadow has given Sonic an impossible situation to solve
“I'm sorry, that was unfair of me to ask”
Shadow lets out, the crack in his voice no longer shadowed by anger, the black hedgehog isn't even surprised at it, everyone has their limits, though being the ultimate lifeform, he assumed his were much higher…jokes on him right…
“You should go back, I can't imagine that time distortion will stay open for much longer-”
Shadow says, looking up to see daybreak slowly fading into the darkness of the night, the shattered moon along with the Ark coming into view, much like the very night he had that vivid dream.
“-don’t worry about me, go enjoy your life Sonic, don't let me burden you, this moment will be in your past… move ahead, don't look back at me”
Shadow says, looking at Sonic eye to eye, the blue hedgehogs face expressing determination, nodding his head in agreement…or is it in gratitude? Shadows not too sure, Sonic begins to walk off, though once he reaches Shadows side, he places his small hand onto Shadows shoulder, which prompts the black hedgehog to glance at the blue hedgehog.
Sonic let's out a smile and a nod before running off. All Shadow can do is remain seated in the field of flowing flowers, the sudden gust of wind coming from Sonic blowing a few of the flowers away. Shadow just stares off into the distance…
A few minutes pass…Shadow thinks? That small talk with the younger Sonic had been difficult though trying to push these thoughts even further down.
It feels like the world is spinning, it feels like nothing makes sense, his mind is shattered, his emotions are all jumbled up, nothing is where it's supposed to be…
Project Shadow....the ultimate lifeform...Maria... chaos emerald...space colony ark...Professor Gerald robotnik...Black Doom…
Those thoughts stir, no overwhelm and overflow, becoming too much to handle, it's not long before some much darker thoughts begin go emerge.
Shadow begins to ponder…genuinely question whether he even deserves to live…whether he should just end it and save everyone the hassle of dealing with him…
He begins to realize those thoughts…When did it get so bad… He's changed so much he can't go back…that distant memory of a better life.
One of joy and wonder.
One of belonging and fulfillment.
One of Love…
However this all just being only that, a memory, one which briefly comes and almost instantly goes…
He just wishes he could be happy again.
Truly happy
He does what he believes is right, he does this because even though he wants to respect and fulfill her final wish, even though he wants everyone to be safe and happy…
Above all he wants to be a little selfish, hoping that with all the good he's tried to do…all the good he tries to uphold…all that he has sacrificed for the sake of everyone's happiness…he hopes that the universe will throw him a bone for his dedication, hopelessly wishing that one day, he will wake up and see those two, his best friend and his idol, the girl who showed him compassion and the man who showed him dedication. And he thought his wish was granted, that he could bring them back, be given a second chance and protect them properly this time…
But that wasn't the case…yet again he chose the greater over his stupid, selfish needs. Seeing them again, hearing them again, talking to them again.
Shadow finally realizes what he has pushed deep within him for so long.
What he has hoped to never admit to himself.
He just wants them back, that feeling of waking up excited for what's to come, that feeling of self loathing vanishing as hope returns to him…
But Shadow doesn't get what he wants… which he wouldn't be as consumed about if there wasn't an almost exact version of him that had everything he's ever wanted, everything he needs…
Shadow doesn't blame Sonic, he doesn't wish this fate upon anyone else but he wishes he'd even have an ounce of happiness that the blue hedgehog has…
In his moment of realisation, a memory plays on his mind, one of his final memories with her before everything went so bad…
Both Maria and Shadow are sitting on the floor of an observation deck, the Ark being up in space and looking down towards the planet, Maria's eyes shine at the view of Earth. Reaching out her hand to imagine what it feels like to be on solid ground, the feel the window flowing through her long golden locks, the chill of a storm emerging, the rain showering her, the sun beaming down and being able to feel the warmth of it's rays.
“When we start our new lives on Earth, we'll see all the world has the older and learn all there is to know first hand…”
The smile ever so large, her eyes ever so wide with hope and joy, believing that once she's fixed, there's nothing that will stop her from flowing free like the wind. That voice of hers soothing to the ears.
“...wouldn't it be lovely Shadow?”
The memory fades, only for his eyes to lock on to the flowers between the gap in his legs, his knees bent near to his chest, his arms leaning on the top of his knees, almost as if he wants to curl up and never show his face again. Over and over he wishes it was him who took that bullet, that it was him who they focused on, that it was him who tricks her into the pod…that it was him who let her see the world…
Shadow speaks, his voice finally broken, the feeling of defeat and sorrow having won whatever mental struggle he had been having this entire time.
“Maria… I don't know if it will be right for me”
He pauses, leaning his forehead onto his arms, his vision now blurring, his cheeks no longer dried from the gentle breeze.
“I'm not like you…I can't find where I belong”
The tears now flowing from his eyes, attempting to tighten them shut only makes it worse, small whimpers begin to escape his mouth, the tears fall down onto his stomach but he doesn't care…he doesn't care anymore.
He remembers what Maria said to him…one of the final things she had told him before it all went so wrong.
“I believe in you. With your courage, you can do anything… and if you ever have trouble, you can always count on me to help you”
His tears no longer simply falling, now overflowing, his whimpers turning into outright sobs, grief overwhelming him, all he can think about is how much he misses them…how much he misses her. How much he misses someone truly caring for him…to feel like he belongs…
Only the subtle breeze and the flowing of the flowers can be heard in-between Shadows sobs, the night sky now fully replacing what little light there had been before.
All Shadow can do, is sit there and cry alone…
after all…
it's what he deserves? Right?