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13 YEARS POST-LANDING...
The three of you gather at your house a few days after finding out.
Not for any particular reason, you think. Just that your place is more... Empty.
You’ve never really understood Dave, for all that he’s a splendid fellow, and your relationship with Hal, while far from hostile, is shot to hell in a way even your connection with Dirk isn’t. But the three of you all consider Aradia a dear friend, and while none of you can imagine what Sollux must be going through...
It’s hard. It’s hard, and no one understands. Not even the other people going through it. Not even yourself.
You lead them inside to the courtyard patio, lit with flickering strings of fairy lights that Aradia helped you and Jade hang when you first moved in. The Striders hold hands as you uncork Aradia’s favorite faux-burgundy wine, whichalways delights her with both its name and instant lethality for trolls of her caste.
You pour each of you a glass, and hesitate, looking out over the wild, long-untrimmed jungle of your garden as you hold the bottle above the ground.
Hal shakes his head. “Don’t. She’s not dead, just gone. Pour her a glass.”
You nod, and take a fourth wine glass. Dave pulls out an empty seat at the table, and you set it before ‘Aradia’s’ chair. You pour one out for her - just not into the earth, as Hal instructed.
You think you know what it’s supposed to mean. That her friends will wait for her. Will save a space for her, until she comes home. You agree. It feels right.
The three of you don’t speak. Hal and Dave lean against each other on the bench, sharing that silent pain. You sit alone on a barstool, across from an empty wicker chair.
Was she taken against her will? Was she coerced? Did she just know what was meant to happen, and had no choice? Did she accept her fate with serenity or bitter resentment? Or did she fight it every step of the way?
You’re not sure which possibility you would rather believe.
The three of you sit your vigil as the night slowly transitions into morning, the dawn painting the sky a deep crimson. You’re sure there’s a storm brewing out there, somewhere on the horizon, where you cannot see it clearly. Whether it will come your way... Only Time will tell.
~
You try to spend more time with Sollux, in the wake of realizing what really happened to Aradia.
You don’t have that much in common, but you always get along surprisingly well. Perhaps because of or in spite of your aspects - as antisocial and irascible as he can be, there's just something about the Doom player you find easy to like, and he doesn't get tired of you as quickly as so many of your other friends. In fact, the only person you know who who has more patience for you than him is -
Well. Aradia.
He lets you guide him through playing the later entries in the Tomb Raider games. It’s a terrible thing, to be blind when one of your greatest passions in life is primarily a visual medium. But he’s making it work. You’ll describe the environments for him, and he’ll navigate with your help and the haptic feedback on the controller turned all the way up.
You don’t talk about Aradia unless he brings her up. You do your best to hide the pain and discomfort. He has an almost devastated look to him, whenever he so much as breathes her name.
Aside from Karkat and Kanaya, you start to become the person he spends the most time with. And aside from, well...
Actually, now that you think about it, he might be the person you spend the most time with these days.
Sometimes, you feel like an outsider to your oldest friends. Aradia always helped you feel like you still belonged, but over the years you’ve grown just a little more distant from your post-Scratch compatriots. With Hal, Dirk and Jane, it makes sense - you and Dirk both royally botched being boyfriends, and while the awkwardness has faded and you’re both still good friends, it’s never been quite the same as back when you were... boys, being friends. In Hal’s case, it was a matter of too little, too late, on your part. As for Jane, well...
You were sixteen, back then, and now you’re almost thirty. You’ve had time to come to terms with the past, at least a little. You wish you could be closer with her, to maybe call her a sister, like Jade does. But from the way she goes quiet in conversations sometimes, you think she’s unfortunately started taking a leaf from Dirk’s book and refusing to let go of things she’s done wrong. It makes her difficult to talk to, without her getting some kind of terribly haunted look in her eyes. It’s downright frustrating, and for some ungodly reason it makes you think of seeing your sole companion on your lonely island tearing its own heart out of its chest. You don’t want to approach the matter, even in your own thoughts.
But Roxy, and Callie? Sure, the three of you have all gotten closer with the trolls and your pre-Scratch comrades - but you don’t talk as much as you used to. Like you’ve somehow got less in common.
In a way, you’re glad you can never fully grow apart, that your small civilization and separation from the rest of the populace as gods will always remain, pushing you together.
Is that a bad thing? To want your family to remain your family, come what may?
You were without a family for so long. Now, you have a brother and sister, in your ectochildren - an avuncular figure, in Jane’s dad/your grandson. And so many others who you have been through so much with.
Jade... tolerates you. She loves you, you think. In her exasperated way. She has the least patience for you out of everyone, and yet she usually ends up being the one to ‘deal with you’ most. You resentfully wish you weren’t apparently so intolerable to your fellow human beings that you need to be ‘dealt with’ instead of spoken to.
You find John hard to read. You used to think you would get along great, that you had so much in common, especially with your shared appreciation for film - but somehow, that never ended up happening. He’s a vague, strange fellow, and you’re never sure where you stand with him. You don’t know if he views you with as familial a lens as Jade does.
Perhaps it doesn’t help that skin and eye color aside, the two of you could be twins. He never looks directly at James Crocker, come to think of it, and the man apparently looks just like his father.
You like James. James likes you. And unfortunately, that’s really all there is to it. You can’t help reluctantly agreeing with John that there’s something slightly off-putting about him - and that disturbs you, since you don’t have a dead father to be comparing his face against.
(His grandmother was the Batterwitch. You can’t help wondering, well - if she did something to him. You don’t know what you’re thinking she could’ve done, since he apparently never met her, it’s just a strange feeling. A baseless suspicion. You don’t think hearing that would be very good for Jane, though, and with Her Imperious Condescension dead, what point would there be in bringing up the possibility?)
Anyway.
For all that Roxy and Callie seem to actually like hanging around with you, it just - doesn’t quite happen all that often anymore. Like you’re an alright bloke, but they have better people to be seeing.
Aradia, though? Aradia is almost the same kind of strange person you are. You felt an immediate kinship with her upon your first conversation, and the two of you were fast friends. Perhaps that’s why Sollux does more than just tolerate you, but somehow you think it's deeper than just that. It doesn’t feel like you remind him of her, or like he’s fond of Aradia’s special friends, or like his social circle is so limited he’ll take anyone he can get.
Sollux just - likes you. And logically, you know he and Aradia aren’t the only ones who like you - it’s just that these days, they’re the only ones who really make you feel wanted. Karkat makes you feel like a barely-there annoyance, Terezi usually just wants a warm body, and Kanaya...
You think she finds you amusing? But you’re not sure if that translates to liking you. It’s not as though she ever seeks you out.
There’s the rub. You feel loved by them all, but rarely ever liked. You technically have more people in your life than ever. But you can’t help feeling... rejected.
Sollux listens. You try to talk around Aradia, to avoid mentioning how she used to make it better, but -
“It’th okay. Ith - ith good, to hear about her.” He sighs. “I’d rather hear about her than not. To feel like thzhe’th not juthzt - a ghothzt. Remembering thzhe hath other people who mith her.”
The scrawny troll lightly punches your arm. It feels like a bee briefly landing on your bicep. “I’m juthzt azth thit at giving advithe ath you are, but if you want my two caegerth - it probably goezth both wayth? They might be waiting for you to reach out, too. Juthzt like. Try to tell them how you’re feeling without being a dick? Like, not complaining. Making it clear you don’t exthpect to be the thenter of the world, you juthzt wanna hang out more.” He awkwardly half-smiles in your direction. “I mean, in my exthperienth... they wanna feel like you wanna be around them too. It’th tough to make them feel welcome if you’re alwayth the one waiting for them to reach out. Before thze -”
He swallows. “- before thze left, AA thaid ith better to juthzt. Try not to worry about if you’re being annoying. Cuzth that’th when you find out who really wantzth you around.”
You manage a laugh. “It sounds awfully simple when you put it that way!”
Sollux chuckles quietly. “Eathy to forget.” The smile drops from his lips and he stares into space.
“Too easy,” you echo softly.
The two of you get some snacks, and go back to your game. The heaviness in the air is no lighter, but feels easier to bear.
~
[GT]: I wouldn’t blame you if you think I’m being silly.
[UU]: not in the slightest. yoU and i both know loneliness qUite well, i think, and it's perfectly Understandable that yoU feel hUrt.
[UU]: the fact we *have* all been throUgh so mUch together makes it all the more painfUl when it feels like we might be growing apart.
[UU]: i do like yoU very mUch, jake! yoU're witty and observant in ways some can't always appreciate, and yoU're great fUn to hang aroUnd with! i'm sorry if i've ever made yoU feel less important than any of oUr other friends.
[UU]: we shoUld plan to spend some time together soon! maybe another roUnd-the-world trip with john and the striders? oUo
[GT]: I do believe Hal’s quite busy for the foreseeable future, but that certainly sounds splendid! Perhaps while we’re waiting on the sequel to that journey, we could go ruin-diving sometime, like we talked about? I know I usually do it with Aradia, but, well... I don’t think she would mind. It wasn’t just our special thing, after all.
[UU]: oooooooooooh! i don't believe i've ever gotten to see paris! do yoU think there might be parts of the eiffel tower left standing? or the loUvre?
[GT]: I don’t rightly know, but we can certainly find out!
[GT]: I think Dave’s counterpart might have deep-fried it, actually...
~
[TG]: dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee we should totes do sum ecto work 2gethor
[TG]: fr im so sry i swear i havent been like aVoiding u mor than any1 else, ive just been super busy btwn 2 kids and gov work and lab time
[TG]: anything that can b liek, fun, usualy has 2 fit somewhere in there or overlap
[TG]: *like *usually
[TG]: i mean uve never shown much interest in ectobio b4, n thats been my main ‘hobby’ besides the gamedev work i try 2 squeeze in w solux
[TG]: *sollux
[TG]: u heard abt the new alienz on the block???? their called perytons n their sick af
[TG]: they luk like if sphinzes weer llamas
[TG]: *sphinxes *were
[GT]: That does sound rather fascinating! But speaking of the games you and Sollux have been working on... Have you considered incorporating virtual reality? I’ve been working on a headset prototype I’m going to pitch to Dirk!
[TG]: pitch w ds?????
[TG]: o wait pitch *to* him lmfao im dumb
[TG]: anyway that sounds sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDD
[TG]: yeah well wanna get in on that - cant launch a console w no games! this sounds like a dope project!
[TG]: oop gotta go, ill let u know when im free 2 chat next - vivi n max r chanting 4 spahgettti even tho ive already cooked dinner :p
[GT]: I’ll do my best to remember your busy schedule! And good luck with the anklebiters!
~
Aradia once said to you that she also felt like an outsider looking in. She never said it like it was a bad thing, but...
Well. When she comes back, she will need her friends to help her feel like she still belongs. If you can build yourself up into someone who can return the favor - well, what else are friends for?