Chapter Text
‘He was a horrible person,’ he thought as he felt Rangiku flying towards him. He lamented his inability to get back the part of her that Aizen stole from her. ‘I really am horrible,’ he thought as he felt her tears on his face.
Everything faded to black, and he could only regret. He had failed.
He had risked it all, betrayed the people he cared for, betrayed the whole Gotei 13, all to get it back.
He knew he would always be known as a betrayer, and he accepted that.
He hoped Rangiku found someone worthy of her, and forgot about him. He didn’t deserve to be in her memories.
He hoped Izuru got a better Taicho, one who would help him through his depressive nature (Soul King knew Gin had no idea on how to go about it).
He hoped Hinamori healed from all the damage Aizen did to her (the last time he saw her, it didn’t look good).
He hoped the Vizards (he thought that’s what they called themselves) survived, especially Hiyori, that had looked bad. He hoped they stayed out of Central 46’s hands, and lived happily.
He hoped Kurosaki Ichigo defeated Aizen. If he failed, he hoped whatever guards the Soul King had was able to win.
He hoped… He hoped… He hoped…
He floated in a sea of black, and wondered if the Soul King would judge his Soul, or if he would be sent straight to Hell. He probably deserved that much.
He’d been floating in a sea of black for what felt like an eternity.
Maybe this was his own personal Hell, to float for eternity, regretting and hoping uselessly? Or, maybe, the Soul King had forgotten about him?
He deserved it.
He’d been floating endlessly in a sea of black for so long he’d forgotten what color looked like: all but Rangiku’s beautiful locks and blue eyes. He was sure he’d never forget those.
Her appearance, her memory, her voice, was his only balm. He didn’t know why the Soul King allowed him such pleasant memories, other than to torment him. To remind him of the joy he’d once had, before he was struck on a void of nothingness.
Floating, floating, floating; that’s all he’s done for so long. He’s not eaten since his death. He’s even forgotten what food tasted like. Does it matter? He doesn’t deserve to know what good food tastes like, not anymore.
He was floating in an endless sea of nothingness. Why? He didn’t remember. He had done something to deserve this, he remembered that much. This endless nothingness was his punishment, right? He may not remember why, but he knew that much. He remembered HER, but not why he was here. Just a small blip in an endless sea of nothingness.
Nothingness.
Blackness.
Eternal emptiness.
How long had he been here? Would he never be free of this prison? Would he ever be released from his empty black cage?
What had he done to deserve this? Was this his fault? DID he deserve this? Did ANYONE deserve this? Why HIM?
Why? Why? WHY? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY!?
Why him?
Light? Was that light? It was so far away, and he couldn’t move. Was this an additional punishment? A false hope?
Light was encroaching on his emptiness, slowly, but surely. It helped him hold onto his sanity. Sanity? What was that? He lost that an eternity ago.
His endless black prison had been replaced by an endless white that hurt his eyes. White nothingness as far as the eye could see. He missed the blackness that had once surrounded him.
He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the white. The black had been better.
*
He opened his eyes to pandemonium. Sounds and noises surrounded him. Beeping and shouting, authoritative voices ordered people around, while a small quiet (almost imperceivable) voice welcoming him (he didn’t deserve welcomes… did he?), calling him ‘Gin’.
Colors so bright it hurt to look at them, colors everywhere. Yes, he remembered colors, beautiful colors, not white or black. But, everything was blurry, he couldn’t make anything out.
Loud warning beeping sounded as people – large people, too big to be normal, right? – moved around him and another.
The sounds, the sights, it was too much after an eternity of black and white. ‘No more. Too much. Make it stop. Stop. STOP! STOP! STOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!’ His brain called out in a panic.
He was moved away from the loud noises and rushing movement of those around him, and he could hear shrill crying that he feared came from him.
He was laid down in a different room, a quieter room. No yelling, no panicking (other than his own). It was quiet, so quiet that his own crying had stopped. So quiet he could think.
What had happened and where was he?
Something was fed to him, and it was so good he greedily gulped it down, until there was nothing more to drink.
Everything was too much after the eternal silence that had been his prison. It was too much for his brain to process, so he gratefully passed out.
*
It hadn’t taken long for him to realize what had happened. He had been reborn. He probably wasn’t supposed to understand anything, he was an infant. But, even he knew he shouldn’t remember anything. People’s thoughts and memories were erased when they were reborn, right?
According to the nurses, him mother had walked into the hospital already in the midst of labor. Twenty minutes later, he had been reborn. His mother had apparently been very emaciated and had not survived the birthing. They were trying to find out about her, but they had no luck.
She wasn’t reported missing, she had no drugs or alcohol in her system, she wasn’t registered as a criminal (they said villain, and Gin had instantly resented that. That term should be reserved for the likes of Aizen and himself). Her appearance was unknown, meaning she wasn’t a celebrity. Her prints weren’t in the system, either (whatever THAT meant, he didn’t understand).
A month after his birth and they knew nothing about her.
So, Gin was sent to an orphanage.
There were two other infants there, so he wasn’t alone, which he was thankful for. He often copied them, since he didn’t know how an infant should act. He didn’t even know what a CHILD should act like, seeing as he never had the chance to really BE a child.
When they babbled, he babbled. When they started crawling, he crawled. When they started walking, he walked.
Only, once he could walk, he ‘taught’ himself how to use the toilet. He was NOT going to put up with the rashes that came from sitting in one’s own excrements until someone deigned to come along and check his diaper. Needless to say, they were surprised when his diaper was clean.
Man, he missed fundoshi’s.
By the time he turned two, he had been determined to be the orphanage’s oddball. His silver hair and narrow eyes didn’t stand out in a world where someone could be an anthropomorphic cat.
But, his attitude was enough to label him as ‘different’. He rarely cried, even as an infant, and his smile was wide and labeled as creepy. His attitude was often calm, even when things were hectic around him.
When the orphanage was destroyed by a villain, Gin had calmly eyed the remains of the building and shrugged. When the cars arrived to transport the children to other orphanages, he quietly got into one without a qualm, while the other young ones were crying at being separated (no one orphanage could accept them all). He hadn’t even tried to get any of his belongings from the ruined building.
People’s opinion of him didn’t change in his new orphanage – he was still the odd kid out. By three, he had taught himself how to read and write, making him stand out. The headmaster, Nishimura Ryosuke, thought it would make him more likely to get adopted, but none of the families could get close, chased away by his smile. Those that saw through them were chased off by his sharp tongue.
Just before he turned four, he started spending time outside of the orphanage. While he had the knowledge to fight, his body was small and weak. He would run around the local playground, playing on the equipment to build muscles and flexibility.
In the forested area near the playground, he would hide and do the kata’s from his memories, so he could build upon what he had.
Even if this world was more advanced than the one he came from, it was still a cruel world. ‘Just look at them. They’re only kids,’ he thought, looking at a group of kids around his age.
They had all ganged up on a green-haired boy, calling him ‘Deku’.
Unable to stop himself, Gin walked over. “Whatcha doin’?”
“Eh?” They all jumped, not having seen or hear him approach.
“Who’re you?” A blond-haired boy – obviously the leader – asked.
“I’m Gin,” he replied. From what he’d gotten from the nurses, it was his mother’s last words: his name. “So, what’s happening?”
“We’re playing. What’s it look like?” Blondie asked.
“Looks like bullying,” Gin answered instantly. “I mean, who calls someone ‘useless’, even as a joke? Seems pretty mean to me.”
“You…” Blondie growled at him.
“And, who’re ya?” He asked.
“I’m Bakugo Katsuki, the leader of the area,” he said, confidently crossing his arms.
“Oh, ‘s that so?” Gin shrugged.
“So, you’re looking down on me, just like Deku does,” Bakugo glared.
“Well, yeah,” Gin agreed without hesitation. “I mean, if yer gonna make it easy on me, I might as well.”
“You… butthole,” Bakugo glared. “I’ll make you pay.”
Gin snickered at the attempted insult, edging him on. People like him were all the same. They thought they were the king of the world, with an ego to match. People like him were best to crush young, so they learned there was always someone stronger. It would hopefully prevent him from becoming like Aizen.
So, when he attacked, Gin was expecting it. But, not once did he retaliate. No, he dodged and weaved around his strikes.
“Damn it, fight me back,” Bakugo complained.
“Make me,” Gin taunted.
“Shut up! You’re a coward,” Bakugo yelled.
Gin suddenly dropped his smile and opened his eyes fully. His cold blue eyes pinned him in place fully.
Bakugo stopped with a gulp, somehow knowing he was outmatched.
“Y’know, yer correct,” Gin said quietly. “I am a coward. But, I would rather be a coward than a bully.”
“You turd,” Bakugo growled, attacking again.
Gin let him attack until he ran out of stamina. When he was kneeling in front of Gin, Gin leaned down to say, clearly and loud enough that the others could hear, “Someone like ya’s only the ‘Leader’ because they bully those around them. Once someone takes ya down and proves just how weak ya are, all of that ‘respect’ ya think ya have just goes away. True respect is earned. Ya can’t demand it be given. And, until ya learn ta control yer temper, someone like you can never truly earn respect.”
While Bakugo was trying to comprehend that, he walked over to the boy who they had been bullying. Seeing his shoulders hunched and his eyes staring at him so uncertainly reminded him of Izuru. “I’m Gin. Who’re ya?”
“I, uh, um, I’m Izuku,” he said quietly.
‘Huh. Izuru and Izuku. Cute,’ Gin thought. “Izuku?” When the boy looked up, Gin smiled naturally and held out his hand. “Wanna be friends?”
“Friends? With m-me?” Izuku asked.
“Yeah. Let’s be friends,” Gin repeated.
Izuku smiled brightly, surprising Gin. “Yeah, let’s be friends.” He accepted Gin’s handshake.
With that hand, Gin dragged Izuku to the playground. “Let’s go play.”
He couldn’t help Izuru find his happiness, but maybe he could help Izuku?
Izuku was Gin’s first friend in this new life. Maybe Gin just attracted the troublesome ones? Izuku WAS trouble, the same way Rangiku had been. The same was Izuru had been. Thinking with their hearts and wanting to help those around them. Too caring for the likes of Gin, but he was stuck with Izuku the same way he’d been stuck with those two.
Izuku was diagnosed as quirkless shortly after he met Gin. While everyone else had treated Izuku differently, Gin didn’t. To him, Izuku was Izuku. He was strong for putting up with everyone else’s abuse and dismissal.
Gin’s own fourth birthday came and went without a quirk appearing. He could feel the other kids start chuckling when they saw him. He wasn’t particularly surprised – children were cruel, and he wasn’t popular at the orphanage.
Even he accepted that he was probably quirkless. He had tried to speak to Shinso shortly after he was reborn, but he couldn’t even feel him, much less hear his voice. He felt the emptiness the most at that time. Missing Shinso and being quirkless was probably his punishment for everything he did under Aizen. Fair enough, he deserved it.
But, one day he and Izuku were watching a hero and villain fight when he felt dread crawl up his spine. Looking up, he saw rubble falling towards them. “Izuku, move!”
Izuku had looked up, but froze in fear.
Gin tried to pull him away, but Izuku was completely locked up. Gin had seen many new recruits go through this very reaction. Most times he was able to get there in time to save them, but sometimes he hadn’t been fast enough, and they died. Izuku was frozen and he couldn’t move him fast enough.
Izuku was going to get smooshed, he was going to die. No. No. “NO! Hado #1: Sho!” Ha cried out in his desperation.
Miraculously, the Kido worked. It hit the falling debris, blasting it into the side of the building, safely away from everyone else.
Izuku’s legs gave out as he and everyone else stared at Gin in shock. Gin, in turn, stared at his own hand in shock.
The hero on scene came over to check on them after detaining the criminal. “Are you boys okay?”
“Y-yeah,” Izuku said.
“Boy?” The hero placed a hand on Gin’s shoulder.
Gin jolted, looking up at him. “What?”
“Are you okay?” He asked again.
“Y-yeah,” Gin agreed.
Izuku was suddenly beside his, enthusiastically asking, “Gin, was that your quirk?”
“My – my quirk?” Gin repeated slowly.
“It must have been,” the hero pointed out. “What a helpful Quirk. While I’m glad you didn’t get hurt, remember there are rules against using it in public.”
“Yes, I remember,” Gin replied. “That was my first time using it.”
“Understandable. Make sure you get it properly registered,” the hero said.
“I will, thanks,” Gin said.
The hero smiled and left them.
“Wow, Gin, that was cool,” Izuku smiled brightly.
“Ya think so?” Gin asked.
“Yeah. You could be a great hero with a quirk like that,” Izuku said.
Gin smiled indulgently as Izuku started rattling off other heroes that have had repulsion type quirks. As he did, Gin had to wonder if it was a fluke, or had he really used Kido. He’d been decent as it, even though he was a brat from the Rukongai. Over a century as a Shinigami had solidified his Kido talents. But, without so much as a whisper from Shinso he hadn’t even tried Kido.
“Ah, sorry, Izuku, I just remembered, I have chores ta do. I have ta go,” Gin said, urgently walking away.
“Okay, see you later, Gin,” Izuku called out.
Gin walked to the orphanage. He’d been avoiding it at this time of the day. Since he thought himself quirkless, he avoided the orphanage when they did quirk practice.
As soon as they saw him, a few of the younger boys started chuckling.
“Welcome back, Gin-Kun,” the assistant of the orphanage, Suzuki Hiroko smiled at him. “Would you like to watch us today?”
He knew they thought he was quirkless (he did, too), so she didn’t mean anything malicious. She was a really nice woman who actually reminded him of Unohana, without the menacing smile (even Aizen had been terrified when Unohana smiled like THAT).
So, he smiled and said, “Not today. I think my quirk came in.”
He ignored the snickering.
“Oh, how marvelous,” she smiled. “Would you lie to demonstrate?”
“Yes, Ma’am,” Gin agreed. He stepped up to the targets – literal targets on a stick – taking aim. The feeling of his energy flowing through his veins was nostalgic. He’d missed it more than he thought he would. “Hado #1: Sho.” The force flew forward, actually breaking the target.
“Oh, good job,” Suzuki-Sensei said.
“Thanks,” Gin smiled at her.
He could feel his energy was lower than it had been, and he probably wouldn’t be able to use Kido as he had in his past life; not until his energy pool got bigger.
Every time he went up to a target, he used a different Kido, from Hado to Bakudo, to find his limit. He had to tap out after Bakudo #4: Hainawa.
Clutching his knees and huffing, he felt pleased. He may be quirkless, but he had Reiatsu.
In his last life, he wasn’t the best person, but he felt this was a sign. He could use this and make amends for his last life. He could make up for his past actions. He was partially responsible for those that died in the last war. But, he could help people here. He could become a hero.
This was his second chance, and he couldn’t waste it.