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Legend was having an absolutely terrible day. The breeze was fresh and crisp, tinted with the scent of wildflowers and grass and pine. Sunlight sparkled on the morning dew, and the sounds of 9 pairs of boots scuffing over a dirt road filled the air, along with the quiet conversation and occasional laughter of their owners. The clouds were fluffy and even the birds seemed happy, chirping and warbling away in the treetops. It was disgusting.
“Please?” Hyrule tried offering pants to Legend for the third time that morning.
“I don’t want pants,” Legend repeated, shoving the fabric away as he walked. “I don’t need pants.”
Hyrule raised an eyebrow. “You really do though,” he said, gesturing down at Legend’s legs, which were covered in dozens of itchy raised bumps. “Unless you have a ring for repelling bugs, in which case you should put it on.”
Legend huffed. “Maybe I do. Maybe I have a ring that repels pests, but I can’t wear it because of you, ever think of that?”
“Because of me?”
“Yeah, because you’re all being pests.” Legend sniffed. He had been considering wearing pants right up until everyone made a big deal of it, at which point it was no longer an option. “Wouldn’t want it to repel everyone off the road.”
“Aw, he does care!” Wars cooed from his left. Hyrule snorted.
Legend repelled Wars off the road with his hands. The captain laughed as he caught his footing, putting his hands up in mock surrender as he returned to his place at Legends side.
Hyrule shoved the pants into Legends pouch and then skipped forward out of reach, smirking over his shoulder at the sour look he was receiving.
“I’m not putting them on!” Legend called.
The traveler shrugged and turned away. Legend glared at Sky, who was clearly suppressing a grin in his direction. People named Link were the worst.
They walked until midday, sitting down in a clearing near the road and passing around some weirdly long sandwiches that Wild had put together earlier that morning.
Legend finished his and took a long drink from his canteen, scratching at the bites on his legs, then scowling as he caught Hyrule raising an eyebrow in his direction. He screwed the lid back on pointedly, shoving it back into his bag.
“I’m going to see a man about a dog,” Legend stood, excusing himself and walking away into the underbrush.
“Don’t forget your pants this time!” Hyrule called, and Legend threw his hands up in the air dramatically, rolling his eyes at the scattered laughter that followed him into the trees.
He hated that he already knew he would miss the harassment when everything was said and done. He dished out plenty himself, after all. He kicked a rock as he walked, watching it skitter away into a bush.
His legs itched.
He found a little patch of trees and finished his business, pointedly not applying any pants before heading back up towards the road.
Then the ground disappeared from under his feet and he was met with a face full of purple portal.
Legend could recognize Hyrule’s Hyrule before he even made it all the way through. The ambient magic had a tang to it that wasn’t present elsewhere, like a fermented vegetable. Not bad, per se, but definitely distinct.
He landed in a crouch, a bit disoriented to find himself right side up in a dusty stone room. A wooden door sat partially ajar off to one side, and something vaguely rug-like was covering part of the floor. The sudden quiet was jarring, as was the musty old scent of the rug. He crouched there for a long time, listening carefully before tip-toeing to the door and pushing it open. He winced as it screamed on rusted hinges, dust raining down around him and making him cough, thick in his nose. The door revealed a cave opening with some spindly trees just visible from where he stood.
He’d only been to this Hyrule a couple of times, but he knew enough to realize that if he was in a cave, he probably wasn’t near a town. This meant there would probably be monsters. Tons of them. He shuddered, feeling phantom webs stuck in his hair. There were so many deelers last time. So many deelers. He eyed the trees again. He really didn’t want to fight deelers. Or anything, really.
Luckily, Legend had a ring for that. Or three.
He pulled out his ring box, selecting one with a dull blue gem. He wanted hands, so moblin it was.
He slid the ring on, grunting briefly as the transformation took hold. Coarse hairs sprouted from the back of his hands, nails yellowing and lengthening into claws as tusks sprouted from the corners of his mouth. The scents around him grew in strength and colors shifted into shades of blue. Sounds became sharper and something in his spine crackled, then the change was complete.
He shook out the tingling in his arms as he stepped through the door, nudging it closed in passing. The cave beyond was empty save for two magic torches that cast a dull orange glow into the darkened corners. He peered outside, finding an empty clearing that was surrounded by the trees he’d noted earlier. Most importantly there were no signs of deelers.
Excellent.
If this is where they were headed next it seemed like a great starting point..
He turned back into the cave, moving to the back wall and pushing on the door.
…it didn’t budge.
He pushed harder, something grinding. Was it the rust in the hinges? Did the door just not fit in the frame quite right?!
He shook the door with increasing force.
Golden three.
He threw his entire weight into the door, to no avail. The hinges were on the inside, of course, so he couldn’t even dismantle the door without busting the whole thing.
For the love of Nayru please just let the door open, he needed to get back through the portal—!
Something scuffed the ground outside of the cave.
Legend froze, heart rate skyrocketing as he panicked briefly, then talked himself down. If a monster had stumbled across the cave they’d only find a lone moblin. He had nothing to worry about; monsters never attacked each other without reason, and he didn’t plan to give them any. He was fine. He’d just ignore them until they left or something.
That would have been ideal, anyway. Unfortunately Murphy’s Law is fully functional in all universes, linked or not.
The cave entrance was blocked by a small person. They stepped forward, and Legend had to suppress a groan as the light highlighted a familiar figure. A tiny baby-faced Hyrule stared down at him, wooden sword held before him in a firm, if slightly shaky, grip.
Time travel. Of course. To be fair, the portals did typically involve time travel, but that was still his bad for invoking Nayru.
Din blast it.
Legend had made plenty of friends with other species, including those generally considered to be monsters, but he didn’t know if Hyrule would have the same open mindedness.
He didn’t want to fight the kid, but he also didn’t want to remove his disguise. Wouldn’t want to accidentally split the timeline or something dumb like that, Time.
So he waved instead. “Eh, hello!” He leaned casually against the wall.
Tiny Hyrule startled to a halt, then frowned. “You can speak?” He tilted his head slightly.
“Yup. This is my cave, so you can just move along.” Legend grinned, then stopped when he remembered what moblin grins looked like.
The boy frowned harder, sword raising to point directly at Legend’s face. “Your kind don’t leave the forests,” he squinted suspiciously, stepping further into the cave.
Legend felt beads of sweat breaking out over his forehead as he took a step back. Of course he didn’t have any shields within reach.
“What are you doing in here?”
“It’s, uuuuuh,” Legend scrambled for words, panic flashing through his brain. “Secret!” He blurted. “To everybody,” he tacked on. Yes. Perfect. It wasn’t half of what he’d meant to say, but it worked. Excellent sentence structure too, all things considered.
Tiny Hyrule blinked at him, not lowering the wooden sword, but also not looking quite as stab-happy as before.
Legend reached into his pocket and threw down a few rupees as a peace offering.
Little Rulie’s eyes bugged out, and he hesitated, looking between Legend and the rupees.
Legend gestured freely at the gems.
Rulie— Link? Past-Hyrule—? Finally lowered the sword, crouching towards the rupees with a cautious hand. Legend frowned as the little traveler hesitated, then picked them up one by one with a reverence that made his stomach twist. He recalled sneaking through the fields in the twilight, digging through damp grass and weeds with his own small dirt-smudged hands in an attempt to find fairies, rupees, anything that might help.
Holy Hylia the kid was small though.
Hyrule looked up at Legend from the corner of his eye, seeming to mull the situation over.
“Thank you.” He finally said, face settling into something less wary and more curious.
“You’re, uh, welcome,” Legend replied, scratching his head. “You should go now though.” He waved a hand dismissively. This resulted in a blink and a small tilt of the head from the kid.
Baby Hyrule slid the last rupee into his pouch and quickly turned to leave the cave. Legend watched him go, then did a double take. The kid wasn’t wearing pants.
Hyrule didn’t used to wear pants.
Farore, it was his lucky day. Legend grinned a full toothy moblin grin and filed that piece of blackmail away for later.
He waited a few minutes before peeking out of the cave to make sure Hyrule was well and truly gone, then turned back to the door with a bomb in hand and a chip on his shoulder.
Three bombs and a fire rod later, Legend stepped through the portal, whistling a little tune to himself.
He was in a cave.
He stopped whistling.
He turned to glare at the portal, which blinked out of existence in reply, leaving him glaring even harder at a blank cave wall, no Links in sight.
Great.
“Hello?” A familiar little voice called.
With one Link in sight, he amended. He hoped this wouldn’t become a trend. He didn’t put a lot of stock in that hope though. Link sighed.
“Hello!” He replied in his best customer service voice as he turned (no thank you, Ravio).
Little Hyrule looked back at him from the entrance. He was wearing the same green tunic, legs and knees covered in scratches and bruises. He was holding his wooden sword again, still cautious, but it was lowered this time. They stared at each other for a long minute
“Are you the same moblin from before?” Tiny Hyrule finally asked.
“Yes. It’s a secret though, don’t tell anyone.” Legend said. “The other moblins will be angry.” He didn’t want the kid trying to befriend just any moblin, after all.
“Oh, ok.” Hyrule said, continuing to stare. Then his stomach growled.
Legend giggled a startlingly shrill moblin squeal, and Hyrule scowled at him, blushing and raising his sword defiantly.
“I don’t have any food, but you can take these,” Legend said, reaching a wrinkly hand into his pouch again to toss another handful of rupees to the poor kid.
Tiny Hyrule didn’t move, though he did lower his sword again. “Why are you helping me?” He asked at last, frowning.
“Well, it’s not like I can use rupees for anything,” Legend lied, “moblins don’t exactly go shopping in town you know.”
“Oh.” Hyrule thought it over. “I guess that makes sense.” He stepped the rest of the way into the cave, scooping up the rupees and shuffling awkwardly as he eyed the moblin. His stomach growled again.
“Go get something to eat,” Legend shooed him away. The kid shuffled back to the cave entrance, turning and offering him a shy smile and a wave before disappearing.
Legend folded his arms and scowled. He was doing his best to maintain his grudge over the pants business. The traveler was tiny and cute but that didn’t erase his future pant shaped sins.
The stupid portal whirled into existence next to him, and he looked over at it, unimpressed.
“You going to take me back to the others, or are we going to another cave?” Legend said in his gruff moblin voice.
The portal didn’t respond.
“Whatever,” he said, stepping through.
Legend was back in the first cave. He wasn’t even surprised.
The portal disappeared, and he settled back to lounge on the dusty rug with a sigh.
“Hello?” A voice called a minute or three later. Right on cue.
“Hello,” Legend replied, not even bothering to stand up.
The kid had an actual sword this time, which he sheathed immediately after catching sight of Legend. It wasn’t the best sword he’d seen (master sword), but it wasn’t the worst either (that of a certain cook he knew).
“You sure you want to put that away?” Legend smirked. “What if I’m trying to trick you? Maybe I like eating little heroes for breakfast.”
Hyrule pouted, then tilted his little head as he thought it over for a moment. “Heroes?” He asked.
Legend grinned, gesturing at Hyrule. “Aren’t you a hero? You look like one.”
Hyrule blushed as he looked down at his tunic, then up at Legend. “I don’t think you’ll eat me,” he said, folding his arms. “You wouldn’t give me rupees if you were going to eat me.”
“Maybe I wasn’t hungry before. Maybe I just gave you rupees because you’re too skinny to eat yet.”
“Or maybe you’re just a nice moblin.”
Legend snorted, reaching into his pouch and tossing another handful of rupees at the kid.
“Keep it a secret, I don’t need the whole town trampling around in my cave.”
Hyrule grinned, crouching down to pick up the rupees. He looked at Legend, squinting.
“…Are you hungry?” He asked eventually. “I can bring you something if you want?”
Legend grinned, then shook his head. “I just finished eating a different hero for lunch, thanks though.”
Tiny Hyrule rolled his eyes, scratching at a scab on his knee.
Legend eyed the scabs and bruises all over the kids bare legs and had an idea. He reached into his pouch, pulling out Hyrule’s own pair of future pants. The irony.
“Here,” he said, startling the little traveler as he tossed the pants at his head. “You might need a belt, but you should wear these. They’ll help protect your legs.”
Tiny Hyrule looked at the pants, then back at Legend, but didn’t make a move to put them on.
“They belonged to the last hero I met,” Legend explained, smirking. “Said he wanted someone with no pants to wear them.”
Hyrule squinted at the pants. “Did you eat him?”
“Naw, he was too skinny, just like you.”
The kid rolled his eyes, stowing the pants into his bag.
Legend grinned to himself, leaning back and watching the traveler as he turned to leave.
“You should buy more protective gear if you see any,” he called, tossing one last rupee at the traveler. “It’s worth the investment!”
The traveler picked the rupee up, sliding it into his pouch.
“Thank you!” He called, exiting the cave.
A portal appeared nearby.
“He’s a cute kid,” Legend said to it conversationally. “Too trusting though.”
The portal swirled in agreement.
The portal led to another cave. Legend groaned.
“Please send me back to the group one of these times?”
The portal disappeared in response. He threw a pebble at it and missed.
A familiar shadow passed in front of the cave entrance, and he reached for his rupee pouch with a sigh.
Tiny Hyrule descended the stairs in a blue(ish purple?) tunic, but no pants, with a familiar ruby encrusted sword at his back. Good for him.
“Nice sword,” Legend growled his nicest moblin growl.
Tiny Hyrule grinned. “Thanks! It’s magic.”
Of course it was.
“Why aren’t you wearing any pants?”
The kid’s smile faltered as he looked at Legend, biting his lip.
“Didn’t want to.”
Legend folded his arms, entirely unimpressed. “Why not?”
Tiny Hyrule mumbled something under his breath.
“Speak up, kid, can’t hear you.”
Hyrule glowered at him, then mumbled louder. “The hero of Legend didn’t wear pants, why should I?”
Legend opened his mouth, then closed it. He did not have a good response for that one, his own miscalculation coming back to haunt him in the worst way possible.
Tiny Hyrule shuffled, sensing the shift in mood, but not understanding why. “Is that bad?”
Legend cleared his throat. “Well, no. Not really.” Legend sighed.
The traveler nodded, picking at the hem of his sleeve. “It’s because I’m, I’ve got to go fight Ganon soon. Do you know him?”
“Sure do, pipsqueak. Guy’s a menace.” He grinned at the kid, happy to change the topic. “Shoot a silver arrow at him for me, would ya?”
“So you’re… not friends?” Hyrule asked, watching him carefully.
Legend coughed in surprise, then threw his head back and laughed a horrible moblin laugh until he was almost crying horrible moblin tears. Friends? Ganon?
“Oh no, far from it kid, we hate each other's guts.” Legend choked out through the tears of laughter, causing the kid to smile shyly. “Please turn that guy into a pile of ash.”
“You think I can do it?” He asked nervously.
Legend nodded solemnly. “I know you can, little hero.”
Hyrule puffed up at the title, and Legend tossed him a generous handful of rupees.
“Go buy a potion or something to take with you. Wouldn’t want my favorite lunch to get hurt fighting the evil pig man.”
Tiny Hyrule rolled his eyes fondly and took a big breath, pocketing the rupees. He got up, then paused, turning to look at Legend.
“Will you be here if— when I come back?”
Legend hummed, holding a warty hand up to his bristly chin. “I might not be here, exactly, but we’ll definitely meet again in the future. Promise. But remember—“
“—It’s a secret to everybody,” Hyrule finished. He smiled and gave Legend a three fingered salute, then turned away into the sunlight.
Legend shook his head as the portal appeared next to him.
“Can I go back now?”
“By the golden three, finally!” Legend growled as he stumbled out into a familiar copse of trees, yanking the ring from his finger and settling back into his hylian form, colors blooming back across the world.
He scratched his leg absently, trying to remember which direction camp was in.
“Legend!”
He turned with a smirk as the traveler pushed through some bushes far off to his right.
“Yeah?” Legend called, leaning casually against a tree trunk. “Can’t a guy get a bit of privacy around here?”
Hyrule’s head swiveled in his direction. “Where have you been? We’ve been searching for half an hour!”
Legend scowled back at where the portal had dropped him off. It had done him dirty.
“Lost track of time I guess,” he replied after a moment of consideration. “It’s a nice forest.”
“Seriously, where were you?” Hyrule looked upset, frustration warring with relief. He gestured wildly into the air. “You never leave the path! I’ve passed this spot like five times, there’s no way you just lost track of time. At least I tell people before I disappear, you of all—!”
Legend sighed, scratching his head.
“It’s a secret to everybody, ok?”
“You—! —what?” Hyrule paused, his rant coming to a screeching halt.
Legend smirked. “It’s a secret,” he emphasized, tossing a rupee to Hyrule, “to everybody.”
Hyrule caught the rupee and stared as it glittered quietly in the palm of his hand.
Legend turned and began making his way back towards camp, humming a little tune to himself. Hyrule was quiet for an exceptionally long moment.
“Hey Legend,” the traveler finally found his voice, feet crunching over leaves and sticks in his haste to catch up. “Where are my pants? Legend?”
Legend shrugged. “I dunno, where’d you put them?”
There was a long pause,
“Legend.”
The Veteran spared a casual glance at the traveler, who was looking at him through narrowed eyes.
“How did you—?”
“I have a ring for everything,” Legend shrugged.
Hyrule huffed, then grinned. “You’re a hypocrite, you know that?”
Legend raised an eyebrow at Hyrule. “Maybe,” the corner of his lip twitched.
“So. Big fan of the hero of legend, huh?”
Hyrule turned beet red, and Legend laughed, patting him on the shoulder. “Never meet your heroes.” He winked.
Hyrule grinned despite himself, shouldering Legend as they headed back towards camp.
“I’m glad I met you,” Hyrule muttered after a moment, not making eye contact.
Legend smiled and shoulder checked him back. Maybe today wasn’t so terrible after all.
“Oi!” Wind shouted, waving at the duo before turning back to the camp. “The pantless wonder is back, everyone!”
These idiots were exactly like a new pair of pants, he decided: restrictive and uncomfortable at first, but they would cover each other's butts and do their best to ward off the occasional mosquito.