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During Remus's nightly routine for bed, he notices that Janus is already laying down on his side, tucked under the covers and facing the wall silently. This can only mean one of two things.
Option One: Remus has fucked up. Whether he fucked up big time or small doesn't matter. Janus will act the same, giving him the cold shoulder. But the difference between Remus eating the last slice of cake Janus swore he didn't want versus Remus embarrassing him in front of his coworkers at their annual Christmas luncheon– that difference decided how long Janus would be upset for.
And oh boy can Janus hold a grudge like nobody's business. Doesn't mean he loves Remus any less. Just means Remus has to buy The Good Shit wine and let Janus beat him at "Dance Dance Revolution". And flattery. Butt loads of juicy flattery. And foot massages. And epic fail compilations, the kind with people falling downstairs that make Jan cackle.
Mind you, none of these are terrible hardships for Remus, even with Janus's cool temperament thrown in. It just makes the make-up sex all the hotter! Besides, Janus might not be mad at all, which leaves option two.
Option Two: Janus is scheming. He does this thing where he gets lost in thought sometimes, imagining capitalism on fire and currying favor with local politicians and rigging promotions at work. It's one of the reasons Remus fell in love with him, that ruthless ambition to make his life and the lives of his loved ones better.
Of course, Janus can also be adorably transparent sometimes. And a dork. Sometimes he conspires about dorky things, like the holiday lawn decorations and making sure they were grander than that Karen bitch's decorations across the street. Or secretly digging through the trash for a Starbucks receipt to find out exactly how someone takes their coffee so Janus can impress them by 'remembering' it. Or how to get away with murder. Ya know, dorky things.
Regardless, Janus doesn't like to be interrupted during his scheming. Sure, a brief question or two, he'll give a hum in response, a brief inclination that he heard you but he's got more important things to worry about. And if you push him, he'll get downright irate. Which is fun sometimes, but if Remus does it too much, he'll get his head bitten off and not in a fun way. Better to leave him to his pondering and he'll gush about it to Remus in due time.
Remus stands by the bed, staring at Janus with his mouth corkscrewed to the side in consideration, debating which category Janus's mood fell into tonight.
...yeah, Remus is just not that patient.
He tosses his shirt into the hamper, shucks off his pants, admires himself in the full-length mirror for a minute wearing nothing but tighty-whities, and eventually wriggles out of those too before worming himself under the covers. He turns off the bedside lamp and saddles up close to his husband, spooning him from behind. He encircles one arm around Janus's midsection and resolutely doesn't touch him more than that until Janus gives any indication that he'd be fine with more. Not that Remus doesn't want to nip at Janus's shoulder or anything. Janus is a whole ass snack. Remus just isn't gunning it down the road without knowing the speed limit.
Janus doesn't indicate either way how he feels when Remus settles behind him. He lays there, staring, and Remus knows he's still staring. He doesn't have dark vision. He can't see Janus blinking and refusing to sleep. He just knows Janus.
He'll talk when he's ready. Remus resigns himself to sleep and he's halfway there when Janus's fingers begin tapping a gentle rhythm on Remus's forearm.
Oh?
Remus rouses a little. He takes this as a good sign. Sure enough, Remus is rewarded when Janus speaks plainly into the darkness of their room with not a lick of preamble, "I want a piano."
Remus envisions a piano falling out of a window and splattering passersby below on the sidewalk. Like how they did in old cartoons. What other use would someone have for a piano?
He's kidding. Mostly. Janus could still have murderous intentions. It's more fun to tease him though.
"Are you picking up a new hobby or do you just want to impress my brother for some reason?" Remus asks, not a bit offended if so, merely curious to see where this is going.
Janus scoffs, "Why would I want to impress Roman?"
"You want to impress everybody," Remus says, grinning into the back of Janus's neck. He places a chaste but lingering kiss there, now that he knows it's welcome.
Janus shudders from just the light touch, and it amazes Remus that to this day, after years of being together and doing naughty things to each other, Remus can manage to affect Janus to this degree. With a brushing of lips, his body reacts, and it's with pride and adoration that Remus relishes in watching. He places another kiss there, closer to Janus's ear, just because he can and he knows Janus loves it.
"You're not...wrong," Janus answers, voice going sleepily soft, muscles lax, head tilting into the pillow just a smidgen to give better access– but then Janus clears his throat. He slides his fingers to lace between Remus's, grounding himself. "Roman's face would be priceless enough to make it almost worth the effort. And then he'd be insufferable and want to do something insane, like perform a duet."
"Should I text him now? He'll be so excited–!"
"Don't you dare!" Janus snaps at him and holds tight to the arm around him. Not that Remus was committed to the bit to abandon their snuggling. Janus huffs, "This isn't about your brother. And I'm not interested in taking up music, though I would be brilliant at it."
"You so would, Jan the Piano Man."
"I just want a piano. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Uh-huh."
"I have no ulterior motives whatsoever."
"But what if you did? What would they be?"
"...rich people have pianos."
Remus props himself up on an elbow so that he can look down at his husband. It's pretty dark and the moonlight from the window barely helps. But there's the shadowy shape of Janus's head, and Remus doesn't need eyes to know there is a faint blush to his cheeks.
"Rich people also have teslas. You gonna go buy a tesla?"
"God no."
"Did you ever see the pics of the robovan that I sent you? I want one of those."
"I'll file for a divorce the very next morning."
"So you did see them."
"No, I just know who produced it. That's more than enough."
Remus has taken to tracing his nails up and down Janus's arm. Janus twists his arm occasionally so that no side begins feeling too tickled.
"So, rich people huh? Middle class life not doing it for ya?"
"I'm worth only the best, darling. You know this."
"Is that why you married me?"
"No, I just felt sorry for you. Like a sad little puppy left in a dumpster. And the dumpster was on fire."
Remus leans down to blow a raspberry into Janus's neck. Janus absolutely squeals and slaps at him and squirms in his hold. Remus does nothing more than laugh. In retaliation, Janus shoves him onto his back and pins him into the mattress.
"You disgust me," Janus says, leering down at him.
Remus flutters his eyelashes. "Who, me?"
"No, the other man I married. Yes, you! I demand compensation."
"Don't worry baby. I'll buy you a piano."
"No, I'll buy myself a piano!" Janus declares and he's grinning along now too. Remus can see flashes of teeth catching what dim light there is. Janus adjusts his grip around Remus's wrists. He hovers just above Remus's face as he whispers, "You, on the other hand, are just going to have to work harder than that to please me."
Let the record reflect that Janus made his demands and Remus rose to meet them.
Before the week is out, Remus knows their house will feature a new and bulky musical instrument.