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Despite what everyone thought of him, despite everyone and his mother calling him too emotional at times, too much of a hothead, he thinks he has a great handle on everything right now despite his heart dropping down into his stomach once he heard the words he never thought Izuku would ever say; “Thanks Kacchan, but I enjoy being a teacher.”
Silence fills the car before Shitty Hair lightly chuckles as he cards a hand through his hair and yells out “damn bro, you just got rejected,” before the bastard opens up a protein bar and starts eating in his car.
He looks back in the rearview mirror to see Izuku disappearing into the back seat, a dumb smile on his face as he prattled on about his students before the gears in his head come back online as he squeaks out a “huh” in response to Shitty Hair.
“Midoriya, did you not realize that Bakubro was trying to get you to join his agency? The same agency where there’s been hundreds of applications, but he’s rejected every single one—”
“Because they would never surpass me-“ Katsuki interrupts. It's true, he has been waiting for someone to surpass him, and only one person in the world could ever surpass him.
Izuku.
Hey Izuku, can I still catch up to you?
Katsuki is brought out of his thoughts as Deku mutters up a storm, hands swinging wildly and legs flailing as he disappears into the mattress in the back seat that Katsuki had made custom.
Everything he did was for Izuku.
“Oh, sorry Kacchan, I’m not going to join.” Deku finally managed to say when he eventually dug himself out of the seat.
Ah.
And there it was.
His chest feels heavy, and his right arm gives a small spasm as he replays the words in his head.
Not going to join.
Not going to join.
Not going to-
Katsuki feels Shitty Hair grasp his shoulder to bring him out of his spiraling, his eyes had stayed locked on the road, but for a moment, it hadn’t felt like he was the one driving as he had unconsciously pushed on the gas pedal and the car had sped up and rocketed past everyone else on the road.
Shitty Hair gave him a look as the hand on his shoulder remained, “Midoriya is a bit slow with these things—”
“Hey—” Katsuki watched as Izuku disappeared once again, the mattress eating him alive.
He changed his grip on the steering wheel of his new Porsche, his new car that he had wanted to show off to Izuku.
Katsuki cleared his throat as his heart beat quickly in his chest; he watched in the rearview mirror as Deku crawled out of the mattress, “Man, you have no idea what I’m trying to tell you—”
“What are you saying Kacchan—”
“If you think everyone is special, then no one is truly special to you.”
There’s silence as Izuku ponders his words, Katsuki can see the gears shifting in his brain. He wants him to understand.
Wants him to figure it out.
He just…wants him.
Forever.
“Kacchan I still don’t know what you mean—“ Katsuki groans as he slams his head down on the steering wheel, the car horn blaring as a dull pain originates from his temple as Shitty Hair shrieks from the piercing noise, his protein bar crushed from his hardened hand as pieces fall to the floor of his car.
Katsuki’s eye twitches in annoyance as the restaurant appears down the road, “I get it,” he says as nausea grows in his stomach, “let's just go meet the others.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katsuki wasn’t hungry despite all the food at the restaurant as the rest of Class A celebrated Icyhot getting 2nd in the pro hero rankings.
Everyone there wanted to talk about their careers, wanted to talk about what they've achieved since their last class gathering.
But Katsuki?
Sure he had started out as a pro hero and rocketed toward 4th place, but that was the highest he’d ever been. Right now, he was 15th in the hero rankings, and he feels like he’s barely staying afloat.
Eight years. Eight years of funding and building a hero suit for Izuku.
Eight years of pouring his blood, sweat, and tears into hero work, as he worked extra shifts in order for the suit to be finished faster.
He knows Izuku doesn’t owe him anything after everything. But, somewhere in those eight years, maybe even sooner, he fell in love with Izuku.
Izuku fell in love first, but too soon. Katsuki fell in love last, but too late.
He watched as Izuku continuously glanced off to the side toward Pink Cheeks, and he took a swig from his glass of sake.
Yeah, he should have realized sooner.
~~~~
After their party was interrupted by a petty criminal stealing a truck, who must’ve been fucking terrified that twenty pro heroes zeroed in on his location, everyone began to go on their separate ways, excitedly asking when their next meet-up would be.
Katsuki stayed with Izuku, while the rest of his idiot squad piled into his new car, ‘Sparky don’t you fucking dare throw up on my leather seats’.
Katsuki stared longingly at Izuku as his heart skipped a beat in his chest, “Edgeshot returns to Japan tomorrow and I have to wake up early, so you’re going to have to find your own way back.”
Izuku nodded as he fidgeted with his hands, a warm smile on his face. “That’s fine Kacchan. Oh by the way, Aizawa-sensei is planning a communications class and I would love to see you as a guest speaker sometime!”
Oh the fucking irony.
“Don’t use me as a bad example” Katsuki growled out as Izuku chuckled and waved as he turned away to leave, it felt like his heart was floating and being crushed at the same time.
Oh.
He is truly fucked.
“See ya.” And it’s the only words that will leave Katsuki’s mouth, no ‘stay’, no ‘wait a minute’, brain on autopilot after tonight, refusing to work with his heart.
And he watches as Izuku leaves, never turning back around, please turn back around.
Thinking everyone is special means no one is truly special to you.
Neither of them are at fault.
Katsuki stood there as a tear trickled out of his eye, heart feeling like it was going to explode in his chest before a car horn blasted into the night air and he turned around to see Sparky leaning on the steering wheel as he threw up out the window, the rest of the squad screaming in the car as he ran back to his Porsche.
“—Lets go Blasty, I have an early shift tomorrow—"
“—Drank too much sake—"
“— we know dude—"
Katsuki gets back into his car with Shitty Hair in the passenger seat, his eyebrow raised and mouth open like he wants to say something, but Katsuki gives him a glare and he raises his arms in surrender.
He loved him.
“Buckle up idiots.” Katsuki starts the car back up and drives off, his squad laughing in the back seat as Shitty Hair steals glances at him, clearly wanting to say something as Katsuki slows the car at the stop light.
He’s unable to keep the tears at bay.
“Just fucking say it Shitty Hair—”
“I don’t want to overstep dude—”
“I loved him.”
The car is silent when the light turns green and he pushes on the gas pedal, moving forward while Katsuki felt like he was frozen in time.
“Blasty—” Pinky began, but he would never hear the rest as a car horn drowned her out.
He felt the impact before he ever saw the speeding car, white hot pain coursed through his body as he distantly heard screaming. He could see his car rolling over and over. He was turning over and over, his body on fire as he kept slamming into the side, the car had hit the driver’s side at full force.
Shocks of lightning pain rockets through his spine as the car rolls a final time as his seatbelt breaks and he's ejected from the car. His mouth open in a silent scream as his body goes numb when he crashes into the pavement. Darkness encroaches upon his vision as he tries to muster a sound, but nothing comes out.
He can hear people screaming in the distance, he can hear his squad yelling for him as they pried themselves out of the car.
But he couldn’t move.
He could barely breathe.
He couldn’t feel anything.
Katsuki was scared.
He was going to die.
He didn’t want Izuku to go through this again. Izuku didn’t deserve that.
“Kats—” he heard Shitty Hair yell out as he kneels by his side, face covered in blood and horrified by the sight of him. Katsuki doesn’t want to know what he looks like, broken beyond repair, limbs at odd angles, covered in blood, “—we got you—”.
I'm sorry.
Katsuki’s heart stopped beating as he took his final breath, his world going dark.