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Daniel sat on the porch of his farm, pushing back and forth on the swinging bench. It was getting hotter and hotter, the peak of summer in Australia. And he had nowhere to be. No F1 team demanding his time, his skills, his smile. The last race of the season was happening this weekend. He still has not watched any of the races, has just seen highlights on Instagram etc. It has been too painful. He knew that Max had won the WDC in Vegas, had sent him a congrats text, but Max didn’t reply. Daniel tried not to read too much into it, knowing that there was a lot of demand on Max and now that Daniel was not on the grid, he was not as important anymore. It still hurt though.
He actually ends up watching the race. It does hurt but it also was a masterclass from Max, yet again, which actually helped. Daniel finds himself jumping up and cheering when Max wins the Abu Dhabi race. And tears come to his eyes at the “simply lovely”. The podium is rounded out by Oscar and Charles. He watches them spray each other with champagne and he remembers all the times he was up there, the many shoeys he had, making others drink from his shoe.
He turns it off, not bothering to watch the post race coverage. He is proud of himself that he was able to watch the race.
The porch has become his daily spot to sit. To watch the days go by, the seasons change. And here he sits again.
A car rolls up the driveway. Daniel was not expecting anyone. Maybe his parents are coming to check in on him, or Michelle. But that is not who is behind the wheel of the car.
It’s Max.
Daniel knows that he saw him on the tv just this past weekend. But somehow Max looks lighter, more freer than Daniel remembers.
They stare at each other.
“Why are you here Max?”
A pause.
“You do not know?”
“Know what?”
“I retired”
Daniel is in shock. What? Retired? Like what alternate reality has he fallen into?
“I announced it in my post race interview. Did you not watch?”
“I did watch the race, but not the post race stuff. What do you mean retired? You can’t do that! You have so much more to give to the sport!”
“You honestly expect me to stay after everything that happened?”
Daniel is speechless, he didn’t know what to say to that. The fact that Max retired is a shock.
“Plus I have always said that I would not race for a long time. It is time for me to do other things, I think.”
They stare at each other, unspoken words flowing between them. Years of unspoken words.
Daniel moves to the side and lets Max into the house. It is surreal to have Max here, after all the times he has joked about wanting to visit here, he has never actually been here. He leads Max on a tour of the house and the land. Daniel keeps pausing to look at Max, like he really is here and is really retired and he is not dreaming. Max just takes it in stride, taking in everything and just letting Daniel come to terms with all of this.
After Max has asked if he can use his shower, because he came right to the farm from the airport, Daniel goes and sits back on the porch.
He pulls out his phone and looks up the post race interview.
It was after a few questions had been asked of Max, Oscar and Charles.
“I actually want to say something.”
And it was like the room went still, like they all knew Max was about to say something huge, that would change the landscape of the F1 grid next year.
“I would like to take this moment to announce my retirement from F1”.
Silence and then pandemonium. Every reporter is trying to speak over each other in order to ask Max what? Why? How?
Max just sits there and waits for them to settle down. He is not answering any of the questions that can be made out.
“I want to thank Red Bull Racing for taking a chance on me, helping me win 4 WDC. I want to thank all the teammates I had over the years, Carlos, Daniel, Pierre, Alex and Checo. I have learned things from each of them that I will take with me beyond this sport. GP for being there for every race, victory, and championship. I will treasure our friendship forever. It was hard for me to come to this conclusion but this is what is best for me.”
And Max gets up and leaves the press conference.
Daniel closes his phone and looks out across his land. He doesn’t know what to feel about all of this. He knows that Max would not do this unless he is absolutely sure of the decision. But why now? It can’t be just because of what happened to him. It is the nature of the sport. People get dropped all the time for performance, for money, for any reason that a team can come up with to be fair. And why is Max here, in Perth?
After about 10 more minutes Max joins him on the porch. They sit there in silence for a few minutes until Daniel can’t take the silence anymore.
“Why are you here?”
Max takes a moment, looking out, and then turns towards Daniel.
“Remember when we were teammates?”
Daniel goes mmmm, knowing that Max was not done.
“I came in and was this angry teen who felt like he had so much to prove. I was going to be the next Schumacher, the next Hamilton. And pity the fool that got in my way. I have always been told to not be friends with my teammate, they are competition, but Daniel, I couldn’t help but see you as a friend. You helped me become a better person, a better driver. You deserved to win and here I was, forcing you to become the second driver. So I understood why you left, although it hurt. And I think our friendship only got stronger once you left. And then you came back and I was so happy. And we were going to be teammates again. It all fell apart and the way they treated you, I couldn’t do it. Every time I looked at Christian I saw you in Singapore and I wanted to punch him.”
Daniel just listened to Max talk. He really didn’t know what to say.
“I am glad you didn’t punch him.”
“Trust me it was hard.”
They smile at each other.
“So what is the plan now?” Daniel asks. Because this doesn’t answer the question why Max is here.
“You know I always wanted to come to the farm, and I figured now was as good a time as any”
“What about Kelly?
“We actually broke up. Turns out she really didn’t want to continue dating me once I was no longer a F1 driver.”
“I am sorry.”
“Well I am not. Enough talk about Kelly, let’s have some fun.”
And that’s what they did. Daniel and Max spent their days riding dirt bikes and going up to the small pond that is on the edge of the farm and diving in to beat the heat. It was like time was standing still. Daniel still didn’t feel like he really knew why Max was here. Yes, he has always wanted to see the farm, but how long is he here for? And yes he said the reasoning behind why he retired, but he also feels like there is more to that.
A week after Max had shown up, his family came to visit. He had not told them that Max was there. He didn’t know why he didn’t tell them, it wasn’t some big secret. Maybe he wanted to keep Max to himself. So when Grace opened the door and saw Max standing at the kitchen counter, she was surprised.
“Hello Max, was not expecting to see you here”
“Hello, yes I decided to come visit the farm after my retirement.”
“We saw that, congrats on the retirement” Joe says as he follows his wife in.
“Thank you”
Grace pulled Daniel aside later in the evening, after they had barbequed some chicken and just generally had a pleasant evening.
“So Max”
“He just showed up, told me he is retired, because somehow I missed that news, and that he and Kelly are broken up. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact he has announced his retirement.”
“He did it for you.’
“Which is just crazy. I am not that important. He left the sport he has been doing since he was 3 years old all because of how I was treated? It is a dog eat dog world and he knows that more than most. What happened to me sucks but not retirement worthy in my opinion.”
“But you are, especially to him. You should say this to him. He would tell you the exact same thing.”
Daniel knew that he should talk to Max, explain his feelings, but that is not something they do, or least not what he does. He has always been scared of his feelings for Max. He has never considered himself gay, never thought that he would develop feelings for a man. That is not how he rolls. But then he met Max and over the years, he could feel like he might be falling in love with Max, but he has shoved that feeling down. Buried it so deep. Dated various girls, including Heidi. He knows that Heidi can tell that there is something there with Max but doesn’t mention it, almost like she is afraid to acknowledge it as well.
Another week went by and Daniel still had not said anything to Max. Continuing to ignore his feelings. That was until Heidi showed up.
Max saw Heidi show up and he made himself scarce. But not before Daniel saw something that looked like hurt briefly come across his face. And just as fast as that happened, Max’s face went back to normal and smiled at Heidi before he went downstairs to the basement.
Heidi was surprised to see Max there, but then again she shouldn't have been. There has been something between the two of them for years and Heidi just ignored it but also knew that the time would come that Daniel would finally own up to what he is feeling instead of burying it.
Heidi and Daniel sat on the porch. Daniel knew that Max was around but was giving them time together. He keeps thinking about that look on Max’s face. Maybe he needs to be brave. But it turns out that Heidi is more brave first.
“I think you are in love with Max,” Heidi says. Daniel looks at her, but before he could even say anything, she continued. “I see the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. I always thought I could just bury it and ignore it and maybe eventually you would look at me the way you look at him, but I don’t think that will ever happen.”
“I never wanted to hurt you. I really wanted to make this relationship work. You are important to me. And what if he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“That man basically retired for you, and came here. He adores you.”
“I am scared” He felt a relief being able to have this conversation with Heidi, but at the same time he got even more anxious because what if everyone is wrong, what if Max doesn’t feel the same way?
“Everything worth having is worth the risk.”
Daniel could sense the sadness in Heidi’s voice, but she was right. It wasn’t fair to her for them to stay together and hope for something that will never happen.
“Is this why you flew here? Just to say that?”
Heidi takes a moment to answer. “Wasn’t my intent in the first place, but between Max announcing his retirement and him being here, I knew it was time.”
Heidi stood up. “I think I am going to head out.”
“You just got here. Stay,” Daniel said, partly because the longer she stayed, the longer he didn’t have to tell Max that he and Heidi were done and spill his feelings to Max.
But it was like she could see right through him. “You need to talk to Max. Bye Daniel”.
Heidi got back into her car and drove off.
As if he had heard the car, Max came out onto the porch. “Where is Heidi going? She just got here.”
And Daniel just took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
“Her and I have decided to part ways.”
“What,” Max all but yelled. “Is it because I am here? I can leave.”
Daniel could sense that Max was getting more and more worked up, and he looked like he was about to get in a car and chase Heidi down.
“No, that is not it at all. It has been a long time coming. I don’t love her as much as I should have. As much as I love someone else.”
Max just looked at Daniel. Was that hope he saw in his eyes? Come on Daniel, just say it.
“I have been in love with you forever it seems. You came into my life as a very confident 17 year old and you instantly became someone very important to me. When I was going through my McLaren years and then this past year as well, you were there for me when I really needed it. I can't imagine my life without you.”
Max appeared to be speechless.
Daniel tried not to panic. This was a bad idea, he knew that he shouldn’t have said anything, why did he…
“I love you too,” Max said, interrupting Daniel’s internal panic. “You are very important to me and I also can’t imagine my life without you”
Daniel couldn’t believe it. If he was dreaming, he didn’t want to wake up.
“I am going to kiss you now” Max says with the determination of a 4 time WDC.
And that is what Max does. And how has Daniel lived without kissing Max? It was like coming home, like he was made to be kissing Max.
When the finally pulled apart, Max whispered “You are so worth everything to me”