Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Just slip this into his drink every night. I don't care how or what you need to do, but get it done."

In his hands, Alastor held the bottle of pills Lilith had tossed at him. You would think that as the Queen of Hell and proclaimed hero of sinners, she would have at least had the decency to pass it to him gently after pulling him from his bed at 2 a.m. and summoning him to a beach in the middle of nowhere, but apparently not. Fiddling with the bottle, he glanced up at the only other occupant in the room—his target.

Lucifer. The annoying, tiny little man who had wormed his way into the group of hotel residents. The depressed king of hell who had done anything but rule in the past centuries. The socially inept father who had neglected his child until now. And most recently, to add to all his sins, he'd forced himself on Alastor to heal a wound Alastor definitely did not need help with.

He still remembered it vividly as if it had just happened, even though weeks had passed. The balcony he'd found himself on to get some fresh air, a distraction from the pounding pain in his chest. The flap of wings as the fallen angel landed beside him. The words caught in his throat as golden chains wound themselves around his limbs and forced him to his knees. The unreadable expression on Lucifer's face as Alastor struggled against his bonds, his wings retreating to wherever they disappeared when not in use.

"This is for Charlie, for defending her when I couldn't. Nothing more."

Hot hands—almost as if they burned with the flames of hell beneath flesh—pressed against his chest. Blinding pain coursed through his nerves, and he screamed silently, his mouth still forced into a smile. Then, as suddenly as it had started, it was over. The wound that had plagued him ever since the battle was gone in a flash. The angelic energy that had been searing his soul now hovered harmlessly as an orb in Lucifer's hands. He felt his skin knit back together where Adam's strike had scarred him, the chains dissolve into nothingness, and the wind brush his face as Lucifer extended his wings and flew away without another word—as if he hadn't just shattered the pathetic father image Alastor had carved out for him since their first meeting.

"Hey, what are you staring at?"

Shocked back into reality, Alastor blinked at the monarch, who had turned to face him from his seat at the bar, still nursing a cup of whiskey.

"Nothing at all, Your Majesty! Can't a hotelier check on the well-being of one of his most prestigious guests?"

Silence.

Then laughter. Alastor felt an unfamiliar sensation surfacing in his chest as he watched the king guffaw, tension seeping from his body, his smile softening.

"Ha! As if you would ever care about my well-being."

"Well, personal feelings aside, sire, I am still a professional."

"Sure. Very professional of you to pick a fight with me on the first day."

Alastor refused to dignify that statement with a reply—not because he couldn't think of a comeback, but because he was reminded of Lilith's orders and the pill burning a hole in his pocket.

On Earth, he had killed men like this—those who used drugs to manipulate others. He had played the role of vigilante, dealing justice to anyone who dared to slip something into another's drink. And now, here he was, about to do the very same thing.

His bond with Lilith left him no choice. Whether or not he resisted, the bond would override his conscious thoughts and force him to obey. Was it better to just let it happen? If the act was out of his hands, was it really a sin?

"Okay...you're really creeping me out now, Bambi. What's wrong with you? Another angelic wound I need to sort out?"

Alastor jumped back as Lucifer suddenly appeared before him, teleporting into his space with no regard for boundaries.

"My goodness, sire, do you not know personal space?"

"Oh, shut up, as if you do either, Mr. 'I'm going to pop up behind everyone and whisper in their ear.'"

"Ha! At least I do it to socialize, Your Majesty. You, on the other hand, are clearly lacking in that ability."

He couldn't do it. That crushing helplessness, watching his body move out of his control as the bond forced him to act...the severed connection to his powers, his deals, his very essence. The suffocating, crushing weight on his soul without his body's protection. He couldn't relive it.

Surely the Devil was immune to poison—or whatever this drug was. Surely nothing in hell could harm him.

And yet, Alastor knew those were just excuses. Lilith, with her centuries of shared history with Lucifer, would know exactly what would affect him.

And yet, Alastor still summoned his shadow, commanded it to slip the pill into the neglected glass of whiskey, still kept up his playful bickering as he led Lucifer back to the bar.

The words felt like autopilot now—replays of old arguments. He watched, with a strange sense of foreboding, as Lucifer downed the drink in one gulp.

He watched the king's throat bob, could almost feel the pill settle in his stomach. For one of the few times, he felt the sharp sting of regret. But the smile on his face widened in response to Lucifer's remarks, a mask he wore so easily.

With the bottle tucked into his shadow for safekeeping, Alastor found himself hoping for once that this wouldnt be the last argument they had.

Chapter Text

That night, Alastor didn’t sleep a wink. Staring at the ceiling, he could only replay the argument after Lucifer had downed the drink—the drink he’d spiked with that mysterious drug. There wasn’t any visible effect; Lucifer looked as composed as acid rain as he eventually gave up on the argument and vanished back to his own room.

The same could not be said for Alastor. He couldn’t deny the uneasiness churning in his chest, a mockery of the burning pain that Lucifer had cured him of.

He knew nothing could be done other than to wait and see what effects would surface in the morning. Yet he still couldn’t will himself to think about anything other than the little nuisance who probably didn’t deserve whatever horrors the drug might unleash.

Even as he walked down to the kitchen—much later than he normally would have, since he couldn’t bring himself to face the consequences just yet—his mind was still swimming with endless possibilities. Regret wasn’t a feeling Alastor was accustomed to. Yet here he was, stewing in it like a sinner in boiling tar. And all because he’d slipped Lucifer a little something. In hindsight, maybe he should’ve tested it on Angel first—he’d survive anything, surely.

“Hey, big guy, whatcha thinking about?”

Just his luck that the one who caught him pondering his life choices was Angel Dust. It appeared the saying ‘speak of the devil and the devil shall appear’ did not just apply to the devil himself.

“Nothing at all, my effeminate fellow! How are you this fine morning?”

Quite obviously, Angel did not believe him, judging by the suspicious glance he threw Alastor’s way. Fortunately, the spider chose not to pursue the subject, although the words that came out of his mouth weren’t much better at easing his unease.

“Eh, could’ve been better. Val was being a real piece of shit yesterday. And short king’s acting really weird today too, so...”

A loud shriek of feedback had Angel wincing and backing away from the now-frozen form of Alastor.

“Uh, you alright there, Smiles?”

“Perfectly fine, my good fellow! Now, what’s this about our little majesty acting peculiar?”

With all the experience of someone who had been living in the hotel alongside Alastor for months, Angel chose to steadfastly ignore the way Alastor’s neck twitched and cracked at a sharp angle, instead pointing toward the foyer.

“Just see for yourself.”

He should have known that anything described as weird by Angel Dust would definitely be extremely shocking. After all, the spider had such a high tolerance for the peculiar that he would stare at Cthulhu himself and only go, “kinky.” Alastor found himself staring, dumbfounded, as a scene so out of character unfolded right before his very eyes.

“Trust falls are great, Char Char, but I think they might be a bit too much for newcomers.”

“Oh... then what do you suggest, Dad?”

“How about Minefield? That’s a classic. Also, I think you could try Two Truths and a Lie for team bonding activities. Sinners are always hungry to know of potential weaknesses.”

“Um, interesting point, Dad, but thanks! Those sound pretty fun!”

Alastor did not know what to think. It wasn’t uncommon to see Lucifer do anything to help or bond with his daughter—pathetic him always trying to make it up to Charlie—but to see them discussing the bonding activities that Lucifer had always run away from was definitely rare. Not just that, but he was also playing gin rummy with Husk at the same time, and if Husk’s stressed expression was anything to go by, the one getting wrecked wasn’t the distracted Lucifer. Which was a bit strange since Alastor did not remember the little king being that skilled with cards, at least not enough to go up against Husk who was pretty much an expert at all card games.

“As you can see, weird.”

“Indeed, I see your point, my good fellow.”

As they approached the kitchen, Alastor also noticed stacks of different types of sandwiches. Seeing as it was Lucifer’s turn to cook today, it appeared that he had spared them the pancakes for once.

“Hey, toots, how’s it hanging?”

“Hey, Angel. Alastor.”

It had also appeared that dear Vaggie had decided he was much less a concern than the new Lucifer, seeing as she didn’t turn to face him even as he slipped past her for a cup of coffee, still staring at the king who was now giving Charlie life advice while making Husk question his life decisions.

“By any chance, Angel, do you know what’s up with His Majesty?”

“I really don’t see why you would think I know jackshit, toots. Sure, this fluff can get people on their knees and spilling their sins, but it sure has no effect on our short king.”

Groaning, Vaggie quickly turned away from Angel, who was helpfully pushing up his chest fluff to emphasize his point.

“That was extremely unnecessary, Angel.”

“Well, whatever it is, at least someone’s enjoying herself.”

Gesturing vaguely in Charlie’s direction, Angel snatched up a couple of sandwiches himself, heading over to comfort the increasingly stressed Husk, who was all but pulling his fur out as he contemplated how he was losing to a guy who wasn’t even looking at the cards.

“Oh, Al, bit late today, aren’t you?”

Alastor completely understood Vaggie’s feelings, his skin crawling at the use of the overly familiar nickname that he had only allowed Charlie to use because he needed to earn her trust and didn’t see a need to push for formality.

“Well, I certainly must apologize for my tardiness. I must admit I went to bed rather late last night doing my duties to help dear Charlie over here. Running a hotel is rather difficult, don’t you know, Your Highness?”

Yes, taunts. That was definitely something Lucifer would react to. Nothing in whatever drug Lilith gave could take his short and hot temper away—

“Oh dear, I do know. Hope you got enough sleep then.”

Another loud shriek of feedback had all the residents save for the cause of it flinching and covering their ears. Alastor, however, ignored Vaggie’s shouting about not screeching their ears off in favor of staring at the king like he had grown a second head. Not that he was the only one, since Husk had dropped his cards in shock, and the sandwich Angel was chewing had slipped from his mouth with his jaw-dropped expression. An understandable reaction, truly, because...

Lucifer not flying off the handle? Lucifer not rising to his taunts?? Lucifer being nice??? What was next—Lucifer becoming a real functioning individual not composed entirely of sugar? Or worse, a hugger?!

As he stared wordlessly at the king, who was now soaking up praise from Charlie about keeping his cool and not fighting with Alastor, Alastor found himself regretting his actions again, but now for a much different reason.

Oh, what in the name of his maman had Alastor unleashed? And, more importantly, what if Lucifer started emulating his daughter and hugging everyone in sight?!

It was not the first time Alastor had cursed out Lilith for her outrageous orders, but this was perhaps the first time he had wished her dead and gone for putting him through the terror of this new Lucifer.

Chapter Text

Lucifer had no idea what was going on. Which, frankly, was rare. Being pretty damn old usually came with knowing what was up. But anyway—

At first, nothing really seemed off. Maybe he slept a bit better last night, without much thought about how he needed to try harder as Charlie's father, how he was a shitty ruler who didn’t even handle his own court cases... the list went on. Basically, he’d had a pretty good slumber.

That in itself wasn’t too weird, because hey, we all have good days—or nights, in this case—right?

Except things started to get weirder.

When was the last time he’d agreed to play a card game without worrying that showing off his true skills would scare the other person away from playing again? When had he last dared to talk to his daughter about her hotel without fearing Heaven would come down with spears blazing, screaming for their deaths? In fact, when was the last time he could hold a conversation with his daughter without becoming a nervous, stuttering mess, obsessing over every word and any potential underlying meanings?

Obviously, the answer was: not in a damn long time.

Now here he was, dressing to attend a Sin meeting—something he hadn’t done since... well, since Lilith left. Actually, even before that, back when their relationship had started falling apart after, well... that incident.

As he looked in the mirror, it hit him—he wasn’t trembling. Not even a little. When was the last time he’d buttoned his shirt without overthinking the embarrassment of missing the hole? And since when had his reflection lacked those telltale worry lines etched deep into his brow? For once, there wasn’t a voice in his head pointing out how out of place he’d look, or how pathetic it was to even try showing up. That alone felt... strange.

The little voices in his head screeching about everything that could go wrong were almost muffled. Muted. Oh, he could still hear one of them clearly enough—the little Michael voice, still busy pointing out every mistake he’d made across millennia—but even that felt distant.

As he pulled on his socks, he noticed something else. He actually felt the fibers beneath his fingertips. When was the last time he paid attention to that kind of thing? And his thoughts—for once—weren’t locked on catastrophes. He wasn’t spiraling about the cosmic consequences of failing to tie his shoelaces properly.

This was beyond strange. So strange, in fact, that Lucifer had the fleeting, ridiculous thought that maybe he ought to start praying to his Father.

But no. That was insane. It’s not like drugs or toxins even worked on him anyway, so really, it was probably fine. Especially since Charlie was happy!

His dear Char-Char! Lucifer could swear she hadn’t laughed or smiled with him as much as she had this morning since she was a kid.

So whatever this weird thing was, it couldn’t possibly be bad if it made his Char-Char happy. Right?

(Wrong. Everyone but you, Lucifer. Everyone else gives a damn.)

——————————————————-

Honestly, Bee hated Sin meetings. Not because she didn’t like the rest of her family—even though Mammon always pissed her off, and she was still angry with Satan about what he did during Blitzo’s trial—but because the empty throne at the head of the table was a constant reminder of how she had failed her most beloved brother. Despite her empath powers, she constantly made excuses to herself, saying that Luci just needed space and wouldn’t want her butting into his business with Lilith. The truth, however, was she simply couldn’t handle the bitter, acrid emotions she always felt around Lulu. Deep down, she knew she was just a coward, unable to bear even half the weight he always carried. And look where that had gotten them. She hadn’t even seen him since Charlie’s seventh birthday, and he hadn’t replied to any of her texts for the past five decades.

Oz hadn’t had much luck getting through to Luci either—none of the others had, really. Bel probably got the closest to making Lulu open up, but honestly, for such a little man, he was damn near impossible to break when he didn’t want to speak a word.

Scratching at the collar, she tried not to look at the empty throne. When even was the last time she saw it occupied? Instead, she focused on the discussion between Oz and Bel. It was mostly one-sided, though, as Bel was already nodding off. Not that Oz cared—Bel was still listening, even if she was slumped over the table.

“And now fizz is acting all weird! I know he understands why I couldn’t do anything, but he probably still blames me for not trying harder.”

Oz broke into sobs before he’d even finished the sentence, his two spectral heads crying alongside him. Bee patted his back gently, quickly pulling out some strawberry juice—his favorite comfort drink. As expected, he downed it in one gulp after a teary “thank you.”

Bee bit her lip, resisting the urge to gag at the salt-and-sour emotions emanating from him. She wanted nothing more than to get away and leave the room, but she had to be there for Oz, she already failed once and she would not fail again damn it.

“Honestly, Asmodeus, I believe your lover may not blame you at all.” Bel slurred, her words heavy with drowsiness.

“He may just be worried about his friend, and doesn’t know how to express his concern to him without appearing too clingy.”

“So…so he doesn’thate me?”

“I believe that’s the case. But you could help him by reaching out to his friend on his behalf. Perhaps schedule a meeting. It might ease Fizzarolli’s worries—and give you a chance to check on the Goetia prince.”

Sighing in relief as the salt gave way to the sweet taste of hope, Bee sat back down in her chair, smiling reassuringly at Oz who was now drying off his tears. Bel quickly fell asleep, seeing as her services were no longer needed.

She was pretty damn relieved that both mammon and Satan were late, because she would definitely not enjoy what she would have to do if they started making fun of Ozzie, which was pretty much an inevitable outcome. It was just a bonus Levi hasn’t turned up yet. For all Bee admired her fashion sense, Levi wasn’t someone you trusted with vulnerabilities.

“So um, how’s your boyfriend?” Looking up at Ozzie, who was now trying to pretend he hadn’t just broken down over fears that his lover hated him for something beyond his control, Bee felt a pang of guilt. How could she have even thought about running away when her brother so clearly needed her? Still, she pushed those bitter feelings aside and plastered on a big smile, letting herself bask in the sweet, blooming joy that now radiated in the air. It made it so much easier to laugh at Oz’s jokes, keeping the conversation light and giving him room to find his balance again.

Their conversation was cut short, however, by the creak of the double doors. Bee froze mid-laugh, turning toward the entrance. Even Bel cracked one sleepy eye open to see which sibling had finally arrived.

It wasn’t Satan’s hulking, storm-cloud presence. Nor Mammon’s gaudy, jingling figure. Not even Levi’s slinking double heads. Instead, a familiar top hat peeked through the doorway.

“Luci!”

Oz was out of his seat in an instant, bounding across the room to sweep the much smaller king into his arms. His joyful laugh echoed off the walls as he spun Lucifer around, spinning fast enough that Bee had to hover midair to avoid getting knocked over.

“Put me down, you oversized peacock!” Lucifer protested with no real heat, though laughter bubbled under his words.

“Oh, no chance, Lulu!” Ozzie grinned, squeezing him tighter.

Bee flitted around them like an orbiting moon, her wings buzzing in excitement. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from Lucifer, whose laugh sounded far too genuine to be the one she remembered. She blinked rapidly, fighting the welling tears as she drank in the sheer absence of guilt and self-hatred in him. Well, it wasn’t completely absent, she could still sense traces lingering around, but it was like a small puddle compared to the giant sea it had been before. Additionally, for once, his emotions radiated confidence and satisfaction—a steady warmth she hadn’t felt from him in centuries.

Even Bel’s ever-drowsy face softened into a rare smile, her chin resting in her palm as she watched the reunion unfold.

“How have you been, honey?” Bee finally chimed, her voice light but probing.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “I’m not the one constantly drinking honey, Bee.”

“Indeed, Lulu,” Ozzie teased, still holding him close. “You are what you eat. So by that logic, the real honey here is Bee herself.”

“Haha, very funny,” Bee shot back, forcing a grin. “Sugar strawberry.”

The laughter that followed should have put her at ease, but it didn’t. Something still prickled at the back of her mind—a question she couldn’t shake. What had changed Lucifer so drastically? What had brought this new lightness to him? Don’t get Bee wrong, she loved seeing her brother happy but one does not shake off millenias worth of baggage in 5 decades, lesser than that if she were to count all the meetings Luci had missed.

She darted a quick glance at Bel, who gave the faintest of shrugs as if to say, Don’t ask me. But Bee was already filing the thought away for later. She loved seeing Lucifer like this—laughing, light, alive—but she wasn’t about to ignore the nagging sense that there was more to it. And judging by the questioning look Oz’s spectral heads were giving when it was clear Lu wasn’t looking at them, they weren’t alone in that sentiment.

For now, she let herself laugh along with her brothers, but in the back of her mind, the questions were already forming. What was going on here? 

Chapter Text

The meeting proceed as per normal. Well as normal as it could be when their eldest brother was finally out of his palace and with them once again. Satan's look of pure shock and subsequent anxiety when he entered the room almost had Bee feeling bad for him, until she remembered all the court cases where Satan had just thrown them under the axe just because they weren't nobility, and any sympathy was quickly burnt away. Mammon's was way funnier though, for his immediate attempts of ass kissing were immediately shut down once Luci brought up Loo Loo Land. Unfortunately, Levi didn't even appear surprised, only sweeping up to Luci to give him a hug and a 'Welcome back little guy'. Which wasn't unexpected -- they still had a running challenge of who could shock Levi, not literally of course ---but Bee was still disappointed.

Afterwards though, it was pretty much normal. Bel skipped her turn of going over what was happening in sloth, choosing instead to just toss papers at them to read themselves, Bee was pretty sure it was her assistant that wrote out the papers, and Oz didn't even start his part before the arguments started. Sighing exasperatedly, Bee rolled her eyes as Satan started going on about how they were above the lower class demons and shouldn't be frolicking about with them, and naturally Oz reacted defensively, only for Mammon to start the goading and taunting, and now both Oz and Mam were leaning over the table and shouting at each other's faces. Not to mention Satan was still giving his unwanted input about Oz's relationship -- hypocrite, bee was pretty sure he and the little candle demon had feelings for each other if the adoration she sensed from both of them during their interactions had anything to say about it. Looking over at the head of the table, she watched Levi gossiping with Luci about whatever was going on in her ring, both heads taking turns in spilling the tea, and smiled. At least someone was enjoying himself.

"Oh come on now ozzie, you literally stole him from me!"

"You exploited him first!"

"He was literally mine! He was under contract! I am fully allowed to do whatever I want with him!"

"Indeed, Asmodeus. Mammon is correct, he is most certainly legally allowed to do whatever he wants with his property."

"Fizz is not a property!"

Groaning, Bee slumped in her chair, rubbing her paws down her face, wishing she had Bel's ability to sleep through even the 10 plagues. Normally she would be supporting Ozzie in this argument, but one bottle of beelzejuice was decidedly not enough to be getting her through the spiciness of both sides, literal spice. Wondering if she could just leave the room and come back later when the trio had run out of energy, she nearly kicked down the orange bottle that had suddenly popped into existence under her chair.

Beelzejuice. Glancing at Luci who gave her a sly wink, bee decided that she was so going to get him a real duck even if she had to crawl up to earth to get it. Gulping down the concoction she resisted the urge to sigh with relief as almost immediately the overwhelming sensations numbed into a much more manageable taste.

"In the first place, what even is your problem, Satan? We all know you're having loads of fun with that little guy always flitting about your head."

"Wait. What?"

Bee did not know why she was surprised Oz knew about it. He was literally the Sin of Lust, though that probably meant adoration was not the only thing on the table between Satan and the candle demon—what was his name again? Yoghurt? Yago? Something like that. Anyway, she stifled a giggle at Mammon's shocked face as he turned toward Satan, almost in slow motion. If the silence wasn't proof enough that Oz was speaking the truth, Satan quickly turned a darker shade of red—a remarkable feat, really, since he was already red.

"Satan, are you actually—"

"That… that was extremely uncalled for, Asmodeus."

Ozzie's cackling laughter echoed in the room, while Mammon gaped like a fish, trying to wrap his head around the fact that who he thought was his biggest ally in class discrimination was probably involved with a lower-class demon himself.

"Actually, I think that was quite called for."

Almost immediately, the shade of red darkened even more as Luci joined the party, and this time Bee couldn’t hold back her laughter. Hell, even Levi was giggling—both heads at that! Maybe it was a little mean to be having so much fun at Satan’s expense, but, well, it was completely deserved.

"What I do think is uncalled for was how you treated that imp during the trial, though."

Bee's laughter died in her throat. The room went silent, and Satan quickly sat up ramrod straight, a drop of sweat trailing down his face. Bee took another swig of Beelzejuice as she felt the tangible, and unfortunately real, taste of fear radiating from Satan and nervousness from everyone else. Even Bel had woken up from her nap, staring at the unfolding scene with a startling level of awareness.

"The prince was clearly lying, Satan. I wonder why you didn’t do anything about it."

Despite the blunt words, Luci’s voice was calm—gentle, even—and there was no malice in his tone. Bee couldn’t sense any anger, either. In which case, why was he pursuing this topic? She couldn’t remember the last time he had confronted any of them, or anyone really, about something that hadn’t **infuriated him—**there had been an earthquake involved the last time—so why was he doing it now?

"I… I knew he was lying."

"Then why?"

Bee gently gripped Oz’s hand as he sat back down, noticing the larger Sin trembling slightly. Naturally so. Apart from her, who could sense Luci wasn’t actually angry, and probably Bel, who knew Luci well enough, everyone else likely thought someone was about to get skewered today.

"To teach them a lesson. All of Hellkind must learn there are consequences to breaking the laws."

"But instead, you’re teaching them that the nobles can get away with anything—even lying in court."

"Well…"

"I put you in charge of Hell's laws because I believed you would give karma where it’s needed. You were to use wrath righteously, to ensure integrity and justice no matter the cost. Was that not what you promised me in exchange for control of the justice system?"

As strange as this was—Luci normally let them do whatever they wanted as long as it didn’t cause a civil war or threaten Charlie—this was probably a lecture long overdue. Most of them, Mammon excluded, had felt Satan was abusing his power in some way, even if they hadn’t pinpointed exactly how. The last fair trial had probably been centuries ago, back when Lilith still hung around and wasn’t caught up in whatever thing she had going on with Luci.

"…Easy for you to say."

"What?"

Satan towered over the table, his body shifting and growing larger with rage. "That’s easy for you to say!" he roared, the room trembling under the weight of his voice. “You command respect as the king, the creator of Hell! I—” His voice caught, and for a moment, there was a flicker of vulnerability beneath the towering anger. “I don’t get that luxury.”

Lu remained seated, his calm demeanor unwavering. The others exchanged nervous glances, unsure whether to intervene. Oz subtly edged her chair closer to Bee, gripping her hand tightly as if bracing for a storm. Bel simply watched, her gaze unreadable but intense.

“Do you think that respect comes freely to me?” Luci asked softly, his voice cutting through the tension like a blade. “Do you think it’s handed over simply because I wear the crown?”

Satan faltered, his breath hitching, but his anger didn’t fully abate. “You don’t have to deal with what I do! They mock me, Lu. My workouts, my advice—they call me a brawn with no brain. Even that imp dared to mouth off before me! How am I supposed to get respect if I’m not vicious?”

Lu finally stood, approaching Satan without fear nor hesitation. “Is this why you lied during the trial?” he asked, pausing before the gigantic dragon. “Because you thought fear would give you the respect you think you deserve?”

The room went utterly silent. For a moment, it seemed as though Satan might explode again, an explosion of spice upon her taste buds, but instead, he visibly deflated, his massive form shrinking back to its usual size, the spice abating into something bitter and salty. “I… yes,” he admitted begrudgingly, his voice low. “They need to know there are consequences.”

“And do they respect you more now?” He pressed. “Or do they simply fear you?”

Satan hesitated. He didn’t answer, but the way his fists clenched at his sides spoke volumes.

He stepped closer, his voice softening. “Respect isn’t born of fear, Satan. It’s earned through fairness, through showing your strength lies in justice, not cruelty.” He paused, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Do you think everyone respects me? Truly?”

The other sins froze, exchanging incredulous looks. Mammon was the first to blurt out, “Who the hell would be dumb enough to disrespect you?”

Lu chuckled, the sound light but laced with exasperation. “Oh, there are plenty. Alastor, for one. That nuisance seems to find endless ways to undermine me.”

“Who even is that?” “The Radio Demon, Mammon, what too filled with your own ego to notice others?” “Shut it, Ozzie.” Thankfully for all of them, Luci cut back in before the argument could escalate

“He’s a thorn in my side, but he’s also... useful, as much as I have wanted to kill him where he stands at times. Disrespect isn’t always a bad thing, Satan. It forces us to confront our flaws, our blind spots. It makes us better—if we’re willing to listen.”

Satan frowned, but there was a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. “You’re saying I should just let them mouth off?”

“I’m saying you should listen,” Lu said firmly. “Disrespect often reveals mistakes, opportunities to improve. Take your workouts, for instance. After whatever criticism they sent your way, you tried to improve them didn’t you?”

Satan blinked, surprised. “I—well, yes, but that’s different.”

“It’s not, your workouts have improved, they’ve become more versatile, more inclusive of different types of demons. The same principle applies to ruling. If you take your anger out on relatively innocent imps and let the nobility get away with lying, what are you teaching Hellkind? That the strong can manipulate the law? That you’re gullible enough to let them?”

Satan’s shoulders sagged, the fire in his eyes dimming. He looked away, muttering, “I hate feeling disrespected.”

Luci stepped forward and, to everyone’s surprise, wrapped Satan in a firm but gentle hug. “I know. I hate it too,” he said quietly. “But you can’t let that hatred consume you. Use it to grow, not to destroy.”

The tension in the room eased as Satan’s massive frame relaxed slightly. Bee let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Even Mammon stopped fidgeting, though he still looked mildly stunned by the turn of events.

“…I’ll call for a retrial.”

“You want me to come?”

“Sure, anything for you Lulu.”

Exchanging smiles, Luci stepped back, releasing Satan. “Well um, golly this meeting has been... intense,” he said with a faint smile. “Take some time to cool off, all of you. We’ll reconvene later to discuss how to move forward.”

No one argued. As the sins began to shuffle out, Bee cast one last glance at Luci. His calm exterior hadn’t cracked, but something about his recent demeanor lingered in her mind. Beside her, Ozzy’s thoughtful gaze mirrored her unease. She made a mental note to speak with him—and perhaps Bel too—about visiting Charlie’s hotel. It was the only variable he had added to his routine in centuries. If this change in him stemmed from there, perhaps they needed to see it firsthand.

Chapter Text

Charlie was worried. No, scratch that — very worried. Don’t get her wrong; she loves her father, and seeing him trying his best and supporting her — joining her activities, giving advice, helping around the hotel — made her heart feel full and warm. It’s just that his sudden shift in behavior was so far removed from the father she had known all her life that she couldn’t help but feel suspicious.

Not of him, of course. She knew he loved her but wasn’t the best at expressing it. Rather, she was suspicious of the situation itself. As much as she loved seeing him so enthusiastic and confident, she felt bad for missing the normal version of her dad — the one who would quietly sit in the background, observing but not engaging much. This hyperactive version of him was not only unexpected but borderline unsettling. Even now, he was on live TV, giving an interview with Vox. Charlie had her phone propped up against a coffee cup, the screen displaying her father laughing and speaking animatedly to the host. The mere sight of him doing this — and doing it well — was enough to make her break into a cold sweat.

Her father, who historically avoided public speaking like the plague, was suddenly shining under the spotlight? If she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes, she’d think someone had swapped him with an imposter. “I don’t know, Vaggie,” Charlie sighed, burying her face in her hands. “I just feel like this isn’t... normal.”

Vaggie placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I know it’s strange, but maybe he’s just trying to change for the better? You’ve always said you wanted him to be more involved.”

“I do,” Charlie admitted, her voice muffled by her hands.

“But it’s not just that. It’s how sudden it is. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and he’s been doing this non-stop for two weeks now.”

Vaggie gently guided her to sit down at the table, where the other residents of the hotel were already gathered. “That’s why we’re here, right? Let’s figure this out together.”

Pulling out her phone, Charlie took a deep breath and addressed the group. “Thank you all for coming. I know this is sudden, but... I’m worried about my dad. I don’t think this behavior is normal, and I need your help to figure out what’s going on.”

Nifty immediately perked up. “Oh! Oh! I’ve got something to share! He gave me a new feather duster!” She held up the enchanted duster like a trophy, her eyes gleaming with manic excitement. “It burns the dirt away! Isn’t that amazing? It’s like a tiny incinerator!” Before anyone could respond, she scuttled off, muttering something about hunting down a rogue dust bunny.

The room fell silent for a moment. “Well, that was... something,” Husk drawled, sipping from his flask. “But yeah, I’ve got a thing. He’s been playing cards with me every day. Gotta admit, the guy’s got skill. I’ve learned more tricks from him in a week than I have in a decade.”

Angel leaned back in his chair, smirking. “Oh yeah? That’s nothing. The big guy’s been sharing nightcaps with me, letting me vent about my day. Hell, he even asked me if I wanted to break my contract with Val.”

The room collectively froze. Even Charlie’s jaw dropped, not for the same reason as the rest of them though. Even her typing paused as she tried to wrap her head around the fact that her dad even offered.

"Wait he can do that?"

Angel shrugged. "Apparently so. Said he normally doesn’t mess with stuff like that ‘cause free will and all, gotta suffer the consequences for your actions. But he mentioned that since he could see that I'm all in on the redemption thingy, he figured it wasn’t really free will if my contract was chaining me down.”

“And you said no?” Husk asked, giving Angel a rare look of approval.

“Damn right I said no. I aint gonna take the easy way out. But... it was nice of him to offer, y’know?” Angel looked away, a faint blush on his cheeks.

Cherri Bomb, who had been unusually quiet until now, chimed in. “Okay, y’all are sappy as hell, but I’ve got my own shit. Yesterday, I went looking for Frankie and found the little egg crying on the short king. Turns out, he wanted to know more about Pentious. Frank told him a bunch of stories, and in the end, well,” Gesturing in the direction of the sofa, Charlie spotted the small egg boy curled up with a snake-shaped plushie and several small figurines of some of his egg friends. Despite the apathetic tone, Cherri's body language and eyes said enough for charlie to guess that it wasnt just frank whos grateful for her dad's kindness.

“Well, that explains where those came from,” Husk muttered.

"How about you, babe? Do you have anything to share?” Charlie turned to Vaggie, giving a supportive smile.

"Um, yeah I guess. He gave me some of his preening supplies. High-quality stuff. He also offered to helped me with flying practice. I’ve been rusty since... well, you know.”

Angel grinned. “Damn, sounds like he’s playing favorites. What about you, toots? He's your pops. Got any tea to spill?”

Charlie sighed. “Not much, honestly. Most of what he’s been doing with me is stuff you all can see — helping out around the hotel, joining activities, that kind of thing. We haven’t had much one-on-one time.”

Vaggie placed a reassuring hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. You’ll get your moment.” Charlie smiled weakly and covered Vaggie’s hand with her own. “Thanks, Vaggie.”

"Hey isn't Smiles supposed to be here too?"

Charlie shook her head, keeping her phone after she sent off the notes she made. “I called him, but he said he was busy. Guess I’ll just ask him about this later."

-------------------------

Striding through the winding streets of Cannibal Town with an air of casual indifference, Alastor adjusted his crimson coat, muttering to himself. “How did it come to this?”

Sighing, he glanced down at the wrapped package of fresh duck meat he had just acquired. The butcher—delighted by the rare appearance of the infamous Radio Demon—had insisted on offering him the highest quality cuts. “Fetching groceries. For the King of Hell. Who could’ve predicted this plot twist?”

The memory of the earlier scene in the hotel garden came rushing back, unbidden. Alastor had been heading out through the hotel courtyard when he stumbled across a bizarre sight: Lucifer, the mighty ruler of Hell, crouched by the garden pond, arms flailing in a futile attempt to separate two very aggressive ducks from tearing each other apart.

"My your majesty, what an elegant sight!"

Lucifer looked up, his golden eyes flashing with a mix of embarrassment and exasperation. “Don’t just stand there, Alastor. These blasted birds are going to kill each other!”

Alastor smirked but stepped forward, arms crossed. “And what exactly do you expect me to do? Lecture them on the virtues of coexistence?”

Lucifer grumbled, brushing a hand through his disheveled hair. “No, but you could help me keep them from turning into feathered murderers while I figure something out. Bee’s already going to give me an earful if she hears about this.”

"Bee?"

"Beelzebub. This is her idea of a gift. Said she couldn't get real ducks so she tried one of the famous duck breeders. yet she forgot to mention they were from wrath and these ducks are cannibalistic."

Alastor raised an eyebrow. “And what, pray tell, do you plan to do with them?”

“I was hoping fresh duck meat might keep them from killing each other,” Lucifer admitted. “Think you could get some? You know the best places in Cannibal Town. I'll pay you back.”

He was half tempted to refuse out of spite, then again Lucifer had done nothing to deserve that. Seeing the small monarch clearly distressed about the two ducks that were now trying to naw through his hands to get at the other, Alastor conjured a pair of shadow minions with a theatrical snap of his fingers. They materialized beside the pond, their dark forms twitching as if eager for orders.

Lucifer blinked, puzzled. “What are you doing?”

Alastor gestured lazily to the shadowy figures. “I’m assigning babysitters. These two will keep your darling little ducks from adding to Hell’s body count while you... I don’t know, go prepare for your interview with...Vox.” He spat the name like it was a curse.

Lucifer tilted his head, clearly taken aback. “You’re... helping me?”

“Don’t misunderstand me, Your Highness,” Alastor said smoothly. “It’s not for you. It’s for the poor ducks that have the misfortune of being caught in your domain.” He paused, his grin faltering slightly. “And perhaps because I pity the fool trying to wrangle them without proper experience.” And definitely not because Alastor was still wrestling with the moral aspects of drugging someone daily without their knowledge or consent, even if it appeared to have only beneficial effects.

Lucifer studied him for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then, much to Alastor’s shock, he stepped forward and wrapped him in a quick but sincere hug.

“Thank you, Alastor,” Lucifer whispered, his voice quiet but filled with genuine warmth. Alastor froze, his crimson eyes wide. The hug ended as abruptly as it began, with Lucifer pulling back and offering a rare, sheepish smile. “I’m counting on you, big guy,” Lucifer said with a playful salute before hurrying off, leaving Alastor rooted to the spot.

The Radio Demon’s grin twitched as he processed what had just happened. “Oh no,” he muttered under his breath. “It’s spreading. The hugging. The sentimentality. This is the end.” Despite his words though, Alastor couldn't help but note the absence of any real disgust at the physical touch, and he couldn't deny that the king was very warm, a comfortable contrast to his colder body temperature.

Back in the present, Alastor shook his head as if trying to clear the memory from his mind. “All this for some ducks,” he muttered, glancing at the package in his hand again. He quickened his pace, eager to deliver the goods and disappear before the king's interview ended. He most certainly did not want to risk being hugged again, totally not because he didnt want to risk his minions being unable to keep the two ducks apart and having to see Lucifer's disappointment.

Chapter Text

“He’s possessed,” Satan declared, tone sharp as the blade he was swinging in the air, dangerously close to cleaving Leviathan's pearl curtains.
The statement hung in the air, heavy and ridiculous, as the live interview between Vox and Lucifer played on the crystal screen like a public execution disguised as daytime TV. All the Sins had gathered in Leviathan's palace—uninvited for most—crowding the space like vultures watching their prey dance down a lava trail.
“This was supposed to be a private discussion,” Bee muttered, rubbing her temples. “Just me, Bel, and Ozzie. Now it’s an intervention.”
“An intervention for him,” Satan snapped, jabbing a finger at the screen.
Levi, lounging on a scaled chaise, grumbled, “To be fair, I didn’t invite you either. You all just showed up.”
Athena's draconic head snarled, scales rippling with indignation. “In my palace, no less. Unbelievable.”
“Focus,” Mammon drawled, kicking his feet up onto the table. “This isn’t about who gatecrashed. It’s about big bro losing his mind. Did you see him at the retrial? Guy was shutting down Andrealphus like he’d been scammed.”
Levi scoffed. "Please, that's nothing compared to the sentence."
“Twenty years. Twenty.” Satan leaned forward, his crimson eyes burning. “As if cutting it down to fifty with community service wasn't enough. But of course, those two peacocks couldn't keep their mouths shut.” (Basically, everytime Andrealphus and Stella protested, Lucifer cut down one year)
“And let’s not forget,” Belphegor chimed in, her voice flat as ever, “the full-scale use of his powers. He’s never like this. No hesitation. No excuses.”
On the screen, Vox was attempting another poorly delivered joke, though no one in the room was paying attention until Lucifer leaned forward and gave a sly, devastating smile.
Bel leaned back in her chair, arms crossed. “See? That. That’s not him.”
“It has to be Lilith,” Bel added after a beat.
Athena gave her a sharp look. “Lilith’s been gone for years. She doesn’t care anymore.”
“You don’t know that.” Bel’s tone was quiet but firm. “The way Lucifer’s acting—this feels external. And who better than her to get under his skin?”
Mammon rolled his eyes. “Or maybe he’s just, I don’t know, tired of being a pushover? God forbid he actually acts like a ruler.”
Ozzie cleared his throat. “I’m just saying… Lucifer seems happy. Isn’t this what we’ve been hoping for? He’s finally taking charge, isn’t he? Shouldn’t we support that?”
Athena wheeled on him. “Support? This is not him. It’s not just about him being active—it’s everything. The way he’s flirting, the ruthlessness, the way he’s—he’s unhinged, Ozzie!”
“You’re exaggerating,” Ozzie shot back, his wings flaring slightly. “You just don’t like change.”
“This isn’t about change,” Levi cut in, his voice sharp as he threw a scale dagger at Asmodeus. “It’s about who he is! And this? This isn’t him.”
“Maybe you just can’t see him happy,” Ozzie challenged, one of his heads burning the dagger to a crisp. “Maybe you’re so used to the old Lucifer—the passive, scared version—that you can’t handle him growing into something stronger.”
Athena’s eyes flared, draconic pupils narrowing. “Stronger? You call this stronger? It’s reckless. It’s unstable. You think you’re helping him, but you’re just enabling him.”
“Enough,” Bel interrupted sharply, her quiet voice cutting through the tension. “Both of you are right—and wrong. Yes, it’s good to see him active, but this doesn’t feel natural. We can’t just sit back and let it play out without understanding what’s causing it.”
The room fell into tense silence as they turned back to the screen.
Vox, having seemingly forgotten his failed attempts at charm, wrapped up the interview with his usual flourish. “It’s been an honor, Your Majesty. I do hope we meet again soon.”
Lucifer, instead of brushing off the comment or smiling politely, tilted his head slightly, his gaze sharp. “Oh, I’m free whenever. Don’t worry—I’ll make sure to wear your colors.”
The room collectively stiffened, like someone had poured holy water into the air vents. Bee froze mid-breath. Mammon choked on absolutely nothing, and Ozzie's wolf-whistle was interrupted by Levi smacking him in the face with a decorative cushion. Vox visibly short-circuited on live television, his screen flickering briefly.
“W-well, uh—”
Lucifer leaned in, his smirk widening. “Relax, Vox. You’ll look great next to me.”
Vox let out a sound like a dying modem just as the interview cut to commercial, and the silence in the room was deafening.
Bee blinked. “We’re all dead.”
Mammon was already calculating, pulling out a notebook titled "Emergency Lucifer Profit Ideas"(Bee wonders why half the pages are already filled). “How much do you think I could make if I set him up on a blind date? Like, a charity thing—”
“Stop,” Satan growled, looking faintly traumatized. “This isn’t normal. We need to do something.”
Athena nodded grimly. “Bee, call Charlie. She needs to see this and you're closest to her.”
Bee hesitated, glancing at Ozzie. “But what if this is him? What if he’s… finally happy?”
Athena threw her hands up. “If this is him, then fine, great, let’s celebrate. But until we know for sure, I’m not going to sit here and pretend everything’s fine while he’s acting like this.”
Bel rubbed her temples. “Let’s monitor him for now. No drastic moves until we’re sure.”
“Sure about what?” Levi asked, his tone dry. “That he’s possessed or that he’s finally cracked?”
“Both,” Bel muttered.

Chapter Text

Invite the king, they said. He’s a pushover, they said. Make him look like a fool and our reputation will skyrocket, they said.

Well, where were those two dumbasses now?

Certainly not here where he had to deal with a king who’d apparently done a full 180 in the span of a week, all by himself apparently.

“Oh, don’t worry, Voxxie, I’ll be right down the hall,” Valentino had cooed. Yet, he wasn’t even in the building, because he’d decided chasing his “workforce” around Pentagram City was more important.

“Don’t be a piss baby, Vox. It’s just Lucifer,” Velvette had said, right before disappearing away into a fitting room with that assistant of hers claiming the need to start some new fashion trend about feathers the moment it became clear Lucifer was not, in fact, the coward she’d assumed.

Vox himself had thought he had the king figured out. His drones had caught Lucifer having a panic attack on the balcony — from four different angles! For four days in a row!

And yet here he was: utterly calm, unbothered, and apparently armed with a verbal chainsaw. He parried Vox’s jokes, hit back twice as hard, and then — then — had the audacity to flirt with him on live TV.

Vox still hadn’t recovered from that.

Right now Lucifer was chatting with his assistant like Vox wasn’t even here.

Him. The boss. The CEO. The media king.

He deserved the attention! He deserved all the attention!

Even if it was from the hermit king who probably didn’t even know the difference between a PC and a monitor-

“So, Vox. What exactly did you want from this little charade?”

The king finally looked at him. And Vox almost felt skinned alive. That was the only way to describe the sensation — a slow, deliberate peeling-away of his layers while those golden-red eyes sifted straight through him. Perhaps having the attention was not a good thing, but Vox did not get this far by being scared of authority! Then again, none of his superiors had an ability to smite him, literally that is.

“Ah— I merely wanted to get to know our reclusive king better!”

Thank hell for the autopilot module he’d programmed for moments like this.

“And it had nothing to do with making a fool of said reclusive king?”

Damn his autopilot module. Had he not trained it well enough? No — he’d built it with the most advanced machine learning known to Hell.

So what was the problem? Could Lucifer read minds?

He should’ve read more scripture. Except all the scripture was written by humans, so what the hell would they know about the devil—

Oh shit Lucifer is still looking at him oh shit oh shit—

“I can’t read your mind, you know.” Lucifer waved a hand casually. “You just have very obvious body language. Especially with your fans spinning that loudly.”

…So it wasn’t divine omniscience.
It was a skill issue. On his part.

Wonderful. Except that his fans were barely above a whisper’s decibel so clearly the only loud thing here was Lucifer’s arrogance- (Lucifer isn’t actually being condescending, he just has really good hearing, and vox is also overanalysing lucifer’s body language.)

“I apologise, Your Majesty,” Vox managed through gritted teeth. “I’ll work on fixing that flaw.”

He might not be able to glare at Lucifer, but Ethan? Ethan could catch these optics. And he did — scrambling out of the room immediately.

“Well then,” Vox said, smoothing the static in his voice, “if you don’t mind me asking — why did you request this private conversation?”

A poor subject change, admittedly.
And judging by the smirk on Lucifer’s alabaster face, the king knew it.

“You want power, yes? A finer reputation among the denizens of hell.”

Vox inclined his head. “Your Majesty is very perceptive.”

“And I’m sure someone with your media experience knows my current reputation leaves some things to be desired.”

Shit.

Could he agree to that? He knew it was true. Lucifer knew he knew. Lucifer also knew he knew he knew. Oh well, the truth always hurts, and Lucifer said it first so he was merely agreeing.

“Unfortunately so” Vox said smoothly, his face a mask of slight concern while he tried to get his processors to fix the stupid fans that were apparently telling Lucifer his emotions.

Lucifer leaned back. “I’d like to make a deal with you.”

And there goes his memory card.

Damn Valentino and his stupid saliva. Ever since that pink venom dripped into Vox’s motherboard, shocks had been short-circuiting parts of him.

Thankfully, he had a backup—

“I propose we fake a relationship. It would help both our reputations.”

…Yep. That one would be burned into all memory banks forever.

But Vox could feel the power radiating off this arrangement.

The headlines.

The influence.

The boost for the Vees.

Maybe he’d finally surpass that damn deer—

“I would have no reason to decline, Your Majesty,” Vox said, unable to hide the spark in his circuitry.

Lucifer smiled, and vox could almost sense the electricity racing down his sensors, did he make a mistake? Was there some shitty secondary condition?

“Oh, but you’ll also advertise Charlie’s hotel. And redemption.”

…FUCK-
———————————————————

“Hey Huskie! What are you up to on this fine day?”

”No, Angel. I am not spying on Alastor for you.”

Despite his apparent gruffness, Husk immediately started whipping up a ‘Harder Daddy’ with extra sugar, just the way Angel liked it. (I do not know what drink this is tbh) Sliding into the bar seat, Angel masked the groan he felt building up from the aches left after his latest film shoot, and smiled at his favourite bartender as the glass was slid over the table into his waiting hands.

”Oh come on, whiskers, you don’t think Mr Red, Hot and Spicy is acting extra…funky lately?”

”Not my problem.”

”Hol’ up there, pussycat, it is your problem.”

Angel grinned at his backup as Cherri slid into the seat next to him, while Husk looked even grumpier at being ganged up on.

“And how exactly is it my business?”

Angel swallowed the rest of his drink before passing the glass back to Husk for seconds.

”Because, if Charlie hears about Alastor helping the short king get duck meat, she would get hopeful that he’s turning a new leaf!”

“And then she would think that redemption is even more possible if someone like the Radio Demon can change, and be even more enthusiastic than before?”

Cherri stage-whispered, snatching one of the liquor bottles from behind the counter much to husk’s complaints and swallowing it down with a bunch of the pills she had lying around.

“Still not my problem. I’m only the bartender, it’s only angel who needs to worry about the manic activities”

”Please whiskers, you’re closer to him than we are!”

Husk snorted, wings twitching as he refilled Angel’s drink.
“Closer? The hell are you talkin’ about? I ain’t close to him. Man talks down to me, pulls my ears, rearranges my liquor cabinet alphabetically and keeps taking the Sazarac—”

“Exactly!” Angel cut in. “That’s basically marriage.”

Husk stared at him flatly. “I will drown you in this bottle.”

Cherri slapped the counter with a laugh.

“C’mon, Huskeroni, even I noticed Alastor’s acting hinky. Dude perpetually has that deer in the headlights look now.”

Angel immediately lit up at the new gossip.

“Right! And I saw him feeding short king’s new ducks just now.”

Husk groaned as the 2 pinkettes shared a conspiratorial look. (I cannot be the only one calling Cherri and angel the pink duo)

”Anyway, Alastor ain’t the only one acting weird, Lucifer’s weird phase is still going on. Heck, I heard Valentino talking to him during my film shoot earlier today.”

Husk nearly dropped the glass he was cleaning at that.
”Wait, is that why you came back earlier?”

Angel shrugged, stealing some of Cherri’s drink.
“Presumably, Valentino was saying something about keeping clients happy, but I wasn’t listening after the words ‘go home early’.”

”Oho, good for you Angie!”

“Yeah, I’m happy for you too, angel, but I’m still not going to spy on Alastor for you, I don’t like you enough to do that.”

Angel’s dramatic lamentations failed to sway him, so Angel eventually retreated to his room — after helping Cherri exit via the wall. Again. (Vaggie yelled at him about the destruction which he didn’t really get because hey, it’s got character.)

However, it was later while cuddling with fat nuggets that Angel realised something even stranger. Both Alastor and Lucifer had started their weird behaviours on the same day.

“Oddio! What if their weird things are related?”

Fat nuggets squeaked as its cuddle pillow suddenly stood up to pose like the cover of a detective comic.

“Well my sister would never forgive me if I ignored such prime gossip!”

Angel laughed as he put on a stereotypical detective beret, striking another pose common to detective dramas.

“Operation: Why Are The Hot Ancient Men Acting Weird…begins now.”

Chapter Text

When vaggie woke up that morning, cuddled up with the light of her life and the rays of the red sun spilling through the open windows, she thought that it was gonna be just another Monday of managing the hotel logistics, lecturing residents for bringing drugs and weapons into the hotel and reining Charlie’s enthusiasm in again. She definitely did not expect to suddenly have their peaceful morning interrupted by sharp knocks on the hotel’s doors, and Charlie rushing to open it to reveal the other 6 Sins of Hell. She even more did not expect to immediately be the target of 3 of their attentions as they fawned over ‘Char-Char’s girlfriend’, with the blue rooster man cooing that she looked like a better choice than some ‘Sebastian’ guy.
And now she was seated in between the two-headed sin of Envy commenting critiques of her dressing, and the hyperactive sin of Gluttony attempting to persuade her to try some strange liquor called Beelzejuice which, in Vaggie’s opinion, looked way too potent to be brought into the hotel, given the number of alcohol addicts they had as residents. By some stroke of luck, most of the residents were either holed up in their rooms or out in Pentagram city, so the only ones privy to this strange happening was Husk, who immediately vanished beneath the bar counter with some liquor bottles and cards, and Nifty, who after helpfully commenting about how pretty the sin of Envy was, ran away to chase roaches. Sure, Vaggie could probably have joined them in escaping this borderline horror show, but Charlie looked so happy reuniting with what appeared to be her aunts and uncles, that she will reluctantly bite her tongue and endure this peculiar situation.
“So, Char-bear, where’s your dad now? Is he in his room or in the palace?”
Asmodeus really appeared to be a gentle soul, despite his larger stature, and Vaggie’s heart melted a bit at Charlie’s happy smile when he started braiding Charlie’s hair.
“Ummm, I think he’s on a date with Vox.”
As if a switch was flipped, the room fell silent as all their heads snapped to look at Charlie, and Vaggie silently wondered how none of them broke their vertebrae or felt whiplash from the sudden action.
“Oh hells, it’s worse than we thought.”
Oh so the two heads were independent, given that the human head was talking while the dragon one nodded along. Charlie said something about them having different genders and names, but Vaggie had unfortunately blanked out after she was suddenly picked up by the colourful bee lady and spun around like a doll.
“I told you he’s possessed.”
“Shut up, Satan, Lucifer can date whoever he wants.”
Why was Asmodeus swooning- Oh right he had a boyfriend, if Angel’s gossip rants were anything to go by, the sin of Lust appeared to have a thing for romantic stories.
“Oh damnit, looks like I have to use the polyamory scheme instead of the blind dating one.”
A what now.
“Uncle Mammon, please stop using my dad for profit.”
Oh, Charlie always looks pretty when she’s angry, but Charlie’s pretty all the time. Angel said she was down bad but who wouldn’t be when their girlfriend is beautiful and passionate. (Vaggie simping activation lol)
“First, he fucks with the court, and now he’s fucking a media overlord?”
“Levi, what the fuck!”
Wow, so the bee lady’s torso does change colour, maybe she could get Charlie a lava lamp like that, she did say she was thinking about getting a nightlight for the nighttime bonding activities.
“Wait, didn’t dad kind of retire from the court stuff?”
“Good question Charlotte, it’s called your dad getting his act together.”
“Didn’t you just say he was possessed, Satan?”
“Possessed but also getting his shit together.”
“Those are mutually exclusive.”
“It is not.”
“Is too.”
And now Asmodeus and Satan were getting in a back-and-forth “is not” “is too” argument, and Vaggie wondered if she needed to be concerned about their ceiling if the two already giant sins got even bigger during their argument. Although maybe the lack of sprinklers was the issue with how flames were bursting from the two of them.
“Whatever the case is, we came here to ask you to have a little intervention with your dad.”
“Yes, do you think you can have a little one-on-one with lucifer, just to see if you can figure out what’s going on?”
“Oh! I don’t think dad would tell me anything though, he’s always been secretive about his personal stuff, especially his struggles.”
Upon seeing the crestfallen look on Charlie’s face, Vaggie immediately stood up to sit next to her girlfriend, gently rubbing her hand in comfort and received a grateful look in return. It was always a sensitive topic for Charlie ever since she found out that Lucifer had depression in one of his loose-lipped conversations this week, and she had been beating herself up about not checking on him more often, although to Vaggie it seemed more like Lucifer was just too good at hiding his problems under the guise of willing seclusion.
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that, current luci seems more than willing to talk about whatever.”
“Bee’s right, char-bear, I mean, he literally had a therapist consultation with Bel. And that never happens.”
Oh perfect, looks like their ceiling wouldn’t be destroyed and cupboards wouldn't be burning today. Although satan still looked kinda angry, this time at mammon who…is that a Lucifer calendar???
“Maybe you can even ask Luci about that hotel he had last time!”
Holy shit, Beelzebub can become big too. Can all the sins become giants? Can Lucifer become a giant too? Oh that’s a really weird thought, Vaggie is way too used to seeing the top of his hat for that thought.
“Wait, what hotel?”
“Oh uh sorry charlie, we have to go and handle um some court stuff!”
“Yeah yeah, uh that is not our place to tell, Lucifer would be really mad if we told you without his permission.”
And just as quick as they arrived, all 6 of them saw themselves out just as quickly, leaving vaggie sitting there in bewilderment and charlie filled with confusion but also resolve to finally get some alone time with her dad.

Chapter Text

Alastor had always been in control of his emotions, perpetually putting on a smile, endeavouring to always be the one manipulating and influencing others emotionally rather than the one being influenced. And yet. And yet. Lucifer. This small reclusive king of Hell had in their very first meeting, annoyed him so much that he had lost his composure, eventually culminating in an enjoyable but also ridiculous musical duet. He had never mentally gotten over how he had ended up behaving like a child as soon as his bar decorations was insulted. There must be some strange aura surrounding the king of Hell that causes all to lose control of their emotions because he had never lost his temper even with Lilith.
And then he made him feel grateful? For the healing forced upon him? Absolutely not, no matter how much Rosie insists that it is appreciation for the removal of the threat on his life and the pain keeping him from fighting as he is capable, no way would he admit it. He hadn’t even given consent! Why would he feel grateful for something non-consensual, especially since the reason for it was because he had been a fool and acted altruistic!
Lilith had then made it all worse with the drugging he’s been forced to do, so on top of everything else, he now felt stupid guilt over his actions. And it’s not as if he hadn’t tried to stop, but his soul contract had kicked in and he was forced into the backburner of his own mind as his body moved to complete the task regardless of his own thoughts. Sure it appeared to be mainly beneficial, if the improved running of the hotel and hell as a whole was any sign to go by, but he still felt needlessly regretful each time he slid into lucifer’s room or the bar to slip pills into lucifer’s drinks. And this damn guilt pushed him to help the king when asked, leaving him where he is now, permanently feeding the cannibalistic ducks, because after the first time he had caved and agreed to get the meat, the king had been asking him to help him every time he was too busy, and he couldn’t say no. Thus, he was now stuck tossing duck meat at two ducks that liked him way too much for him to be comfortable, given that they had been attempting to bite at his coat as soon as he tried to leave the pond side.
But all of the above could have been forgiven, after Alastor is a very benevolent person (lies.), if it weren’t for the reason why Lucifer was too busy to feed his own damned ducks! The fallen angel had decided to sidle up to the picture box and now they were frolicking about Pentagram City, publicising their affair for all of Hell to see, if Angel Dust’s gossip sessions about their constant social media posts were to be trusted. His shadow had even slipped away from him to follow Lucifer on one of his dates, and when he had gone to snatch his shadow away from its perch glaring at the picture box, he saw Lucifer laughing with Vox. What kind of taste makes someone laugh with vox and not at him? Someone with horrible taste that doesn’t deserve even a modicum of his attention, and he should be enjoying the new peace in his days without the king mocking him. Yet. Yet! He found himself…missing their banter. It made him feel alive, and it entertained him to an indescribable level to see the angel lose his self-control each and every time and release his demon form. Oh Lucifer when he had his horns and tail, seething with rage in that circle of fire when he had poked fun at how he still wore his wedding ring…he had never looked more like the Devil. Ignoring the tinge of fear Alastor had pushed down when he momentarily wondered if Lucifer had enough discipline to not smite him. Fortunately, Charlotte, the overly compassionate girl, had immediately come to his rescue and scolded her father for his intimidation attempt. And also for the burnt rug. Anyway back to the problem, what could possible be so special about the foolish picture box that the silly king found it more important to be sitting in his lap instead of feeding his ducks and making alastor do it. Alone by himself no less! He could at least have the decency to entertain the demon by picking a fight about something random, Alastor even made sure to bring the whole duck today instead of pieces of it, yet Lucifer hadn’t even acknowledged the so-called sin of showing him the dead duck before rushing off in a tacky blue and white suit.
A nip to his finger brought him back to the present, and he shook off the duck before teleporting back to the lobby via shadow, pushing down the urge to squash the duck for its actions. Lucifer would undoubtedly lose his temper if he came back to one solitary duck instead of two, but somehow Alastor didn’t feel in the mood for having an argument over an actual subject.
And oh? It appears the subject of his thoughts had come back early from his little rendezvous. Hopefully, his old pal had been so boring that Lucifer had ended things prematurely and won’t be going out with him any longer, perhaps then Lucifer would preserve some of the negligible dignity he had left. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case by the Disney-like humming and the skipping of his shoes.
He slid back into the shadows as he followed Lucifer, watching as Charlie pulled him into the office, it appears the princess had finally given up waiting for Lucifer to approach her first and decided to make the first move. He hadn’t an idea why she wanted one-on-one time with her father so much, but he supposed Lucifer was still her father despite how little time he had spent with her prior to the hotel, and Charlie was too nice to spite him in return.
Maybe he could afford some time to…learn more about the king, for future power grabbing purposes of course. Definitely not for any other reason as Rosie would insist. Oh he could practically hear her now lecturing him for ‘stalking the king rather than facing the fact that he was an attention seeking deer’, that was most certainly false! That said, he travelled through the dark shadows into Charlie’s office, taking a metaphorical seat in the shadow of the bookshelf as he listened to their rather intriguing conversation.

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Charlie had waited for her turn, thought that maybe if she had been patient then Lucifer would approach and talk to her by himself. But he’s been more absent than before, well before being since he came to the hotel at least, and while Charlie was happy he seemed to be even more involved with the people she thought he had sworn to hate, she couldn’t help being a bit jealous that she was the only one who hadn’t had any solo interactions with him thus far. Don’t get her wrong, Lucifer had been giving her advice and discussing the hotel recently, but it was always in public!
She hadn’t even learnt the fact that he was dating again from him, no she had to hear it from Angel screaming about it over breakfast when a social media post on the Voxtek account dropped the news. She had quite a number of things to say about her dad’s new involvement with the Vees, particularly that he didn’t said anything about Valentino, but Vaggie had informed her that the reason Angel was now spending most of the day in the hotel rather than at work was apparently due to Lucifer talking to Valentino about it. Actions always matter more than words, Charlie guessed, thus she controlled herself from saying anything judgemental, although she was slightly hurt when she saw Lucifer leave that morning in some Voxtek produced suit without his wedding ring. Honestly, Charlie would probably have given it more time, but she was far too curious now after that strange comment from Aunt Bee.
A hotel? She didn’t remember either of her parents mentioning a hotel before, and hopefully, she could change that today. She just had to catch Lucifer when he came back, thus why she’s been sitting on the staircase for the past 1.5 hours. Her bum hurt, and Vaggie had been trying to get her to sit somewhere more comfortable, except that she knew that her dad didn’t always go through the front doors, sometimes he would go through the garden, but he would always go with the stairs, so if she wanted to catch him, it would have to be here. And there he is!
”Dad!”
”Oh hey Char-Char, why are you sitting on the stairs?”
Ah. She hoped he wasn’t going to ask that, her cheeks flushing red in embarrassment.
“I was um waiting for you to come back.”
Lucifer gave her a questioning look, pulling her up and Charlie momentarily caught sight of a Smart Watch beneath his sleeve.
“You don’t need to wait for me, Charlie. Just text me and I’ll come from wherever I am.”
Charlie was NOT going to cry about this, she was a grown woman and ok yeah she is going to cry about this later with Vaggie in their room later. Maybe Angel was right and she did have abandonment issues.
“Anyway, did you need me for something?”
”Oh um, yes, I was hoping to talk to you about something.”
Ok, which should she ask about first? She did have to somehow figure out what brought about her dad’s change in behaviour, but she really wanted to know what hotel her dad had…would it be selfish to ask about the hotel first? Oh, where’s Vaggie when she needed her, Vaggie would always help her list out the pros and cons objectively.
“Is it about my old hotel by any chance?”
Perfect! She didn’t have to make the decision herself!
”Yeah, um how did you know?”
”Your dear Aunt Bee spammed my messages apologising for being loose-lipped and said you probably wanted to talk to me, thus I came back immediately.”
Ok, she is definitely going to be crying about this later. For now though, she simply gave a grateful smile and guided her dad to the office for some privacy. For a second, she thought she saw a shadow move past them, but when she turned around, it was just the normal shadow of a vase. Man, she hoped it wasn’t alastor doing strange things again, she didn’t want to have to lecture him about respecting privacy and boundaries for the third time this month.
“Sooo, what did you want to know?”
Clicking the door shut, she turned back to Lucifer, who had already made himself comfortable on the couch.
“Um, I’m not sure, aunt Bee really only said you had a hotel, so maybe everything?”
Sliding next to him on the couch, Charlie sent a quick text to reassure Vaggie that she was in fact not still sitting on the stairs and that she was talking with her dad, mentally noting that Lucifer didn’t even look anxious about this apparently sensitive topic. She silently wondered if Uncle Satan’s conspiracy theory of possession was true, considering just asking her dad what time he had gotten up in the morning used to get anxious stuttering a month ago.
“It’s a bit of a long story though, are you sure you want to hear it?”
Nodding her head vigorously, Charlie grabbed the duck cushion that Lucifer had given her, which had so far been sitting vigilant on the couch, and placed her phone face down on the table to give her full attention to her dad, who was playing with his cane. Oh, so he was a bit nervous, judging by how violently he was flicking the apple, and Charlie felt bad for being reassured by the display of anxiety.
“Well, it all kinda began 300 years ago…”
—————————————————————————————
“You can’t be serious.”
“Lili! Trust me, I promise I am 100% serious.”
If the side-eye his wife was giving him was any indication, she definitely didn’t believe him. Lucifer didn’t even know what was so unbelievable. He only said that he wanted to start a hotel to house sinners that were trying to still be good in hell! And technically she started it by telling him to give them a chance and walk around Pride ring for himself to see what sinners are actually like. So obviously like a good husband, he took her advice, donned a disguise and set out on a not very nice tour around the Ring, and he saw a few sinners being kind to each other, embodying virtues even in this hellhole. He’d even saw one of them saying an incapacitated stranger from getting crushed in a turf war! He’d thought about this for weeks before bringing it up, but now Lilith was looking at him like he grew a second head.
“Lucifer, you’ve only seen them for one day, I assure you that it is very unlikely to be altruism that drives their actions.”
“Compassion is compassion, Lili. I think I can finally see what you see in them!”
”Honey, I see their sins and accept them for it, there’s a difference.”
The argument went back and forth for a while before Lilith eventually caved, handing Lucifer the deed for a recently vacated hotel at the edge of Pentagram City, telling him that if things didn’t work out that she would tell him “I told you so”. Lucifer would be worried, but he had no qualms that she would still be consoling him even while saying that, so he simply took the deed, kissed her cheek, and set out to find that band of sinners he had seen that time. Luckily for him, sinners are nigh impossible to kill in hell (this is pre-extermination btw), so he easily found the ragtag group.
Except that one of them had pretty much laughed in his face before bringing their group to another alleyway to hide out, and the rest only agreed once he promised to provide shelter, food and water for free. Which honestly wasn’t a problem, he had riches for days as the king, but it still wasn’t the greatest start. It was kind of his fault though, he knew that he didn’t have that good a reputation as Lilith given his negligence towards sinners, although to that he would simply say that why would he care about those who abused his gift of free will when the innocent hell born deserved more of his attention? Regardless, he had now seen that not all who ended up down here may have been abusers of said gift, or may have changed in their ways, thus, it is only right for him to change his own perspective and attend to them.
“You’re the king, why’s your hotel so shit?”
”This smells worse than the palace of Versailles.”
“And I thought it couldn’t get worse than the streets.”
…Patience is a virtue, and he, as the founder of this hotel, has to set a good example. Although judging by the continuous grumbling of the people as they set up sleeping bags on the floor, since he had forgotten to spruce up the place in his haste to find guests, his self-control was probably going to be tested very heavily in the coming days.
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One week later, Lucifer was at his wits end.
He had restored the hotel to something way past its formal glory, with plush silk beds in every room, carpets, golden toilets and everything fancy he could think of, which was a lot. He had made 5 course spreads for every meal with professional chefs, occasionally getting covered in flour when he had time to fix up the dishes himself in between doing paperwork with the rest of the sins and other ruling duties. He even got clean comfortable clothes and anything the sinners had asked him for! Yet, they vehemently refused to take part in any bonding activities, citing that he gave them free will and they are exercising it. Most stayed in their rooms, leaving him to walk the empty halls and try not to lose hope. Lucifer thought that with how he witnessed virtue even in sinners, that perhaps they would at least be willing to do more than just rest in the sanctuary he had rewarded them with.
Groaning as he set down his quill on the last stack of paperwork, he slid out into the halls, with rapidly diminishing hope that it wouldn’t be another silent walk down the long corridors.
He had wanted to advertise the hotel, but Lilith had set her foot down on that idea, rebutting the idea because advertising it would mean it enters hell’s media, and anything that enters hell’s media could end up in heaven’s media, and then heaven would lose their shit and come down to smite them. Lucifer honestly thought that his wife was catastrophising. His brothers were one thing, but he highly doubted the Speaker and his Father would allow them to slam divine rage upon souls that were actively trying to better themselves.
Either way though, with no active entry of sinners beyond those he brought in himself, and with the sinners already staying showing no sign of life beyond coming down for meals and rejecting his attempts at interaction, it appeared that his idea was already dying even before it entered the world properly.
Furthermore, he had already been attacked by random sinners trying to start a turf war to take over the land, and with his accursed restriction and inability to harm sinners, he’s been forced to cast barriers everywhere, which while effective, were quite annoying in that he could still hear the sinners shouting curses at him through it and slamming themselves against the dome. Not to mention, some of the sinners in the hotel still needed to go to work, so Lucifer had another problem in trying to keep those ones safe when they left the hotel. No doubt they would regenerate from whatever damage, but Lucifer didn’t really want unnecessary bloodshed on his metaphorical front lawn, especially not ones that didn’t deserve it.
Knock Knock.
Lucifer definitely didn’t fall over the railing in his haste to fly towards the double doors. None of the sinners staying in the hotel had the habit of knocking before coming in, so maybe it’s a new guest! After all his barrier automatically blocks anyone with malicious intent! Maybe things are turning up for the better.
Admittedly, he had been far too enthusiastic in swinging open the doors, one nearly coming right off the hinges, but his excitement quickly morphed into confusion at the sight of the sinner in front of him. Dressed in a simple red gown, the sinner looked surprisingly humanoid, apart from what appeared to be a crocodile tail swinging lazily behind her, and scales lining her arms and the sides of her face, or the reptilian eyes that dilated upon seeing him. From the sheer number of soul bonds tethered to her being, this one was definitely an overlord, a very powerful one at that.
“Hello, your majesty. My name is Umbra Saint, and I am here for redemption.”

Chapter Text

“Let me get this straight. You want redemption for others, but not for yourself.”

“Absolutely.”

“And you would help protect this hotel if I get everyone to pursue redemption here?”

“And help with your day to day activities as well!”
“…you’re an overlord. Why do you want redemption for others, much less your own contracted souls?”
“It’s a curiosity project, your majesty. How do you think Heaven would feel having ex sinners walking amongst them? Oh the drama!”
Dear Father, she’s insane. Lucifer had met many sinners in his life, but this woman has to be one of the craziest. He tried to ignore her tail thumping in the background as it wagged in what appeared to be enthusiasm—infiltrating heaven with redeemed souls—while he analysed the situation. Rational decision making always requires a focused mind, as Lilith always said.
Truthfully, this would solve a lot of Lucifer’s problems. Having an overlord would deter other sinners from attacking the hotel, and Umbra’s reputation would certainly make her more respectable than himself, given his lack of participation in the Pride Ring beyond showing up to royal events alongside Lilith, so it’s possible the sinners would be more willing to take part in his planned activities. However, he was also slightly (read: very) concerned about how she knew he was unable to harm sinners. Only one person knew that and he doubted Lilith would have told anyone. If this overlord had deduced it all by herself, then it may be dangerous having her around. Except that she seemed genuinely interested in redemption, he sensed nothing but truth being spoken during the entire 15 minutes of borderline insane conversation he had endured just now. He hadn’t been planning on actually trying to redeem anyone, honestly he just wanted to preserve what little good still existed now, but he supposed that it was a reasonable step to take, especially since the overlord hadn’t asked for anything more than that.
“If it makes you feel better, your majesty, here is a pre-written contract.”
Ok, the contract seemed rather fair, and it was extremely detailed…Well, beggars cannot be choosers.
“One more term. You must take part in the activities as well.”
“That can be arranged!”
“Whole-heartedly.”
“…I suppose that is fair.”
Sighing, Lucifer sliced his finger along his fangs, drawing his signature in golden blood before returning the contract for Umbra to do the same. Oh Father, she’s definitely crazy. Who else bites off their whole hand just to sign a contract? That is some impressive regeneration though.
Before Lucifer could have further second thoughts about his decision, Umbra had already left the room, saying something about introducing herself to her new hotel mates. He was almost impressed with how she closed the door with her tail, except that most of the contract was now unreadable because of how much blood had spilled out in the unprompted hand removal. Thankfully, he had already memorised it, but Lilith was probably going to lecture him about letting people get away with ruining the physical contract again. Maybe he should invest in a paper cleaning service, at least then he only needed to worry about shredding and tearing.
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“So, your majesty, what games await us after supper?”
Lucifer had only just set down the last plate before the manic crocodile lady came bounding down the steps, all the guests trailing after her like some strange scene of a mother hen and its chicks.
“I don’t really have any games, I guess just some simple sharing? Telling each other about ourselves.”
Interesting, normally the sinners would be completely ignoring him and settling into their own exclusive conversations or reading parchments, but he had already received acknowledging nods from two of them by the time he sat down at the table next to Umbra. Furthermore, a couple more of them appeared to be observing their conversation. There was a soul bond between those sinners and Umbra though, perhaps the overlord had forced them to come down?
“A chance to learn more about our elusive King? Say no more, your majesty, we shall all attend!”
A chorus of agreements, both reluctant and willing followed that sentence, leaving Lucifer mildly impressed and also extremely concerned that there was some violence involved here. Maybe he should have followed after Umbra when she left earlier, in hindsight, it wasn’t very wise to have left the overlord to her own devices for hours.
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It was, in fact, not violence. It appeared to be the case that the overlord was just too respectable a figure for the sinners to keep up their uninterested act. Lucifer had spent all night watching their interactions, and imagine his surprise when he sensed no fear from any of the guests, just simple intrigue in most and reluctance in some. He eventually concluded that there was likely no blackmailing involved, and the guests had just done a “monkey see monkey do” with the overlord. He hadn’t expected such an effect when he introduced the condition of Umbra taking part in the activities, but he was thankful that he had a habit of acting on his impulses. Even though…
”And that is how I took over the biggest mafia in my city!”
He was pretty sure she had to be some form of crazy. And that his guests were also that same wavelength of crazy with how invested they appeared to be in that bloody, gruesome retelling of a hostile invasion. In all fairness, it wasn’t as gory as the worst things he has seen, but undeniably creative in that who would, in all sanity, think of torturing people by locking them in a room full of hummingbirds?
“So, your majesty, it’s your turn now! Tell us, have you ever tried sinner meat?”
And suddenly 16 pairs of curious eyes were turned on him. Somehow he was questioning if Lilith was right and all sinners were just hopeless in this endeavour. (Bro cannot reconcile how people can be curious about cannibalism but also virtuous, which uk fair)
—————————————————
Lucifer had been watching the lion cheat for 5 minutes. As the so-called “father of lies”, he always had an ability to see through lies and cheats and anything of the sort…and he had been using it to watch the ex gang leader cheat on poker. He didn’t even understand why he was cheating, the lion was actually pretty good and had a clear victory even before he started cheating. He would have stepped in—how can you pursue redemption while being dishonest—but he was extremely hesitant about interfering since the last time he lectured one of the other winners they and their whole clique refused to come out of the room for a week. It took umbra opening the door and staring at them for an entire minute before they finally came out for dinner with figurative and literal tails hanging between their legs. (If you think that’s not a lot, just rmb that crocodiles are scary)
“Why hello, your majesty, not intending to join the riveting activities of the evening?”
She can’t possibly be finding this riveting! There’s nothing riveting about figuring out which person had an ace by the fur left on the card!
“What exactly is so interesting about this, umbra?”
“Hmm, Portman’s crushing everyone’s hopes of winning into the ground!”
Ohhh so the lion’s name was portman. Wait, he couldn’t possibly be the only one noticing- oh right, only he had that fine ability.
“Well he’s doing so by cheating.”
Anddd the tail stopped moving. Lucifer might be mildly concerned now that the lion Portfish guy might be the target of a homicide later.
“Hmmm, how so?”
“Look at the cards, uhhh the one with the parrot girl.”
Just realising that there were in fact 3 parrot girls, lucifer clarified with his tail jabbing vaguely in the direction of the one with rainbow feathers.
“Mresa?”
He did not know who the heck that is, but since Umbra was looking in the right area, he would just assume they are referring to the same one.
Could crocodiles even see that well?
“Oh the piece of fur!”
Ok yep that answered his question. Except that he now had a second question, which is whether he needed to be worried about a retelling of that weird murder story one of the other sinners was talking about with how that tail hadn’t even twitched.
Our? Oh right it’s technically both of theirs.
“I mean, I highly doubt anything effective would come about from my actions. Apart from another cold shoulder treatment from those called out.”
Lucifer was increasingly concerned about Portcat’s safety when Umbra’s low hum turned out more like a growl, although that concern was interrupted by cheers coming from the ragtag poker group, celebrating the ill conceived victory of Mr Portrack. (Welcome to Lucifer giving everyone the wrong name, if you want to know why he always gets Umbra’s name right? It’s called Umbra sitting him down and making him repeat her name until he gets it right by himself.)
“Portman! Come here a second, it’s time to congratulate the winner!”
Yep, someone’s probably dying tonight. Said victim appeared none the wiser, judging by the victorious beaming as he practically skipped over to the pair just out of earshot from the rest of the group.
“Mistress Umbra, Your Majesty, did you see my fine performance?”
Oh that’s the first time he’s ever been acknowledged standing beside their apparent ‘lord and saviour’.
“Why, it was perfect! Even more perfect than you will be once I pluck all your fur off!”
The lion’s face may have been covered in golden fur, but he could practically see it draining of colour. That said, considering Umbra was still not shouting he supposed the lion may end up only half bald.
“What do you mean, mistress umbra?! I haven’t done anything!”
“Do you think it wise to lie to the father of lies?”
Man, Lucifer has been waiting to say that line since he thought of it a month ago, although he felt a bit bad with the terrified look the lion now bore as he practically cowered.
“I…I didn’t mean to! I just didn’t wanna lose and let my reputation suffer!”
Ah, pride. Although that honestly didn’t seem to be a good enough excuse, but Lucifer could let it go since there was no real money involved-
“And? Does that mean everyone else deserves to lose unfairly?”
Umbra probably wasn’t going to though.
The excuses went on for at least 3 more minutes and Lucifer busied himself with observing the dying flame of excitement giving way to confusion at the missing fuel, the sinners still tossing around poker cards while waiting for the return of their comrade.
“How about this, Portman? You play another game with them without cheating. If you win, you don’t have to open this box. If you lose, you have to. But if you cheat again, I’m telling everyone there.”
Oh small mercies, particularly that Lucifer didn’t have to hear another rendition of the pity tales, although he was sure that box had pretty much appeared out of thin air, and Umbra didn’t have conjuring powers. Perhaps this is what humans on earth called a ‘black magic’ moment.
Taking the box, the shivering feline promptly retreated back to the safety of his brethren, brushing off any questions with a “it’s a secret apparently”.
“You’re giving him a chance?”
“Your majesty, redemption requires forgiveness! I can’t possibly be lopping off his head for this, what role model would I be?”
As if that ever stopped anyone, although Lucifer could respect the hustle.
He watched the lion sweat through this no cheating round, although he received several panicked glances and he could sense the lion was thinking if he could get away with cheating, but when that glance turned to the crocodile in the room, well he wondered how fast a lion’s heart rate could spike honestly. He didn’t really understand why he was so stressed, he was winning with no issue, in fact his friends were the understandably stressed ones as one quite literally ripped out her feathers at the cards she was dealt.
As expected though, with a much longer and clearly close game, Portlion emerged the victor, and there was another celebratory party — Lucifer had to admit that it was genuinely nice seeing sinners happy for each other rather than just for themselves — tha was unfortunately cut short by the rise of the crocodile from the murky depths of the staircase darkness. (The crocodile jokes are never stopping)
“Wonderful display, Portman, now why not open your gift?”
“Wait! I won, I don’t have to open this right?”
Curious glances were exchanged amongst the audience as Portman — Lucifer finally got the name right, third times the charm as Bee always says — attempted to dissuade the smiling crocodile.
“Oh, you don’t have to, but don’t you want to see what I got specially for you?”
Yeah, Lucifer could see why Portli- Portman didn’t want to, with that many teeth shown.
“Oh come on Portman, don’t disappoint Miss umbra!”
“Dude, it’s a box, what’s the worst thing that could be in a box that small?”
Lucifer could think of a great many things, an organ, a crushed up sinner, a bomb and the list goes on. What didn’t go on was portman’s resistance to opening said blind box, with the piling on of his fellow players, one quite literally attempting to snatch the box to open it herself.
“OK FINE ILL DO IT.”
The rest watched with bated breaths, Lucifer himself was peering from the edge of the staircase, as shaking paws pushed open the lid of the box to reveal…
“Dude, you were scared of a tuna and potato cake?”(presumably cats can eat this)
An uproar of laughter followed as the shocked feline received smacks on the back and more teasing comments. Chuckling a little, Lucifer exited the sanctity of the staircase underbelly, approaching the crocodile that was swimming back to the food source. (How many crocodile jokes can I make in one scene- also I mean the kitchen)
“So what was that supposed to be?”
“Hmm, it’s a reward, your majesty. Winning or losing is irrelevant so long as one is honest, is that sentiment not echoed by the scriptures? Would you like a cup of tea?”
“Uh…”
“Oh hush, there’s no blood in it this time, do you not see me making it now?”
Lucifer wouldn’t put it past the overlord to be capable of sneaking things into his drink (AHEM), although given that she had just said the truth, he could trust it.
“Fine, two sugar cubes please. Now what were you saying about the scriptures? Are those human made?”
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After 10 hours of relentless peacocking by the Goetia, unavoidable arguing amongst the sins, and the pitying looks of his wife when Lucifer was talking about the hotel, he was pretty much just done with existence itself and just wanted to go back to his room and tap back into the hypnotic void of sleep.
Except that when he walked into the foyer, he was greeted with 15 pairs of eyes staring right at him. All the sinners were gathered in a circle with mattresses and pillows strewn around, all clad in matching pajamas of different colours, with an apple and a lamp in the centre of the group, neither of which appeared to have any symbolic relation to the other.
(15 because umbra is not here I swear my math isn’t that bad) “What is going on he-“
“OH MY GOSH IT WORKED!”
The excited cry of the harpy-like sinner was immediately followed by cheers and woos from the rest of the group as they began jumping around and hugging each other. Lucifer was now questioning the sanity of his reality.
“Mistress Umbra said that we could summon you with a ritual! And just as we said the last line you appeared!”
“LONG LIVE MISTRESS UMBRA!”
…what the fuck. Of course she taught them a ritual. Of course she did. Lucifer had half a mind to tell them that no summoning rituals worked on him, if not he would be stuck on earth half the time, but he supposed he could afford to not burst their bubble, especially since this is the most excited he has seen them besides that one time Umbra flayed one of their abusive employers in front of them. Better some random summoning ritual than a torturing homicide he supposed.
“Ah yes, I uh suppose she has found you a ritual! To summon um me. Wait, why are you summoning me anyway?”
“For a sleepover!!!”
Immediately he was handed some yellow pyjamas as two of the gang grabbed him by the arms and dragged him to the bathroom. This was kinda sweet actually, he was getting a bit worried about how they had still been so distant after a month of continuous bonding activities, so it was nice they were including him in this. It had been centuries since anyone had dragged him anywhere without fear, not even lili did ever since her randomly pulling on his arm when he was elbow deep in bathing a chimera got her burns from his hellfire activating.
“Come, your majesty, get changed so we can begin the sacrifice!”
The what now???
—————————————————
“What is this?”
Lucifer had only come down for 5 minutes in between sorting out some legal mess between Ozzie and Mammon before some sinners began approaching with a tray of cookies, dubious smirks upon their faces.
“They’re snacks, Your Majesty! Freya spent a lot of time working on them and she said that everyone in the hotel had to try some.”
Freya? Which one of them was that? Hmm, he vaguely remembered someone calling a Freya during book club last night, oh it’s that eagle girl. She seems like a nice lady so this should probably be fine.
Hmm, these cookies taste a bit strange but why-
“OH MY HELLS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
That scream started simultaneously with the unrestrained guffaws of that gang of sinners, the eagle sinner flying in to sweep the tray away from the eyeball sinner, her screeches echoing throughout the empty foyer.
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THEM! THESE HAVE DRUGS, YOU MORONIC BIRDBRAINS!”
Immediately after placing the tray on the top shelf where pretty much no one without wings could reach, the girl— Freya?— started flitting around him.
“I’m so sorry, your majesty, I think it should be fine if you spit it out, I’m so terribly sorry!”
…Lucifer may have been a bit of an ass by promptly taking another bite of the cookie that released another scream from the eagle, but the cookies were really good, drugs or otherwise!
“Don’t worry about it, um Freya? Drugs have no effect on me!”
Unfortunately, it took another 5 minutes of explanation from the devil before Freya let up enough for him to retreat to the stairs, although that was more because the other group had tried to run away from a very furious eagle that was not letting her prey get away.
“Does that immunity extend to poisons?”
“HOLY- Umbra, stop coming out of the dark!”
Lucifer was never getting used to how strong that tail was, how was 1cm of it on a laundry string enough to hold that entire weight up…actually no how strong was that laundry string???
“How about antibiotics?”
“Um, both don’t work.”
“Medicine?”
“Never needed it but it never worked.”
“Antidepressants, antipsychotics?”
“Why do you think my mental health is shit.”
Perhaps lucifer was being a bit oversharing, but he was very distracted by the very strong laundry string and its hooks. He had tried to carry umbra before and she was definitely not light. (Crocodiles are gosh darn heavy) Maybe if he hung up all his rubber ducks then Lilith wouldn’t keep lecturing him about hoarding.
“Hmmm, then what are you not immune to?”
“Why do you want to know, trying to poison me?”
“Just out of sheer curiosity, Your Majesty!”
Hmm, no lies being told here, well it wasn’t as if anyone could procure the things he is weak to…
“Anything made directly by my Father’s hands.”
“God?”
“Yup, so uh there is virtually no affecting me! Even alcohol doesn’t really work, I just drink it for fun.”
“How interesting! Thank you for sharing, your majesty”
Maybe he needs more laundry strings of that strength and material, oh but if they’re all so unbreakable, it would be a really big issue if anyone started a tussle in the laundry room…maybe he should think it over later with Leviathan, all those pearl curtains had to have some strong strings to hold up all those pearls besides being as fragile as heaven’s tolerance to anything him-related.

Chapter Text

Hi! Tiny clarification because I’ve seen a few similar comments and realised I might’ve been a bit unclear.

Lucifer’s “drug” isn’t meant to be an antidepressant or any real-world medication. I’m avoiding medical terminology on purpose, so there’s no direct real-life analogue here.

In-story, it’s a fully supernatural thing made by God (at Lilith’s request) that just… blocks bad thoughts. That’s it. Nothing chemical, nothing psychiatric. It is just a magical barrier that prevents dark thoughts or anything that sparks negative emotions.

The only reason I ever call it a drug/med in-text is because I wrote this part a long time ago and the wording stuck, but conceptually it’s not meant to map onto real medicine.

I’ll explain more much later in the story, but I wanted to clear this up now so no one’s stressing about it

Also totally get why people made the connection — I just wanted to make sure it didn’t turn into a medical reading when I don't even know the difference between Xanax and Zoloft-