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Who, Who Has a Bond as Strong as Crazy Glue

Summary:

Elle Woods is sent to Genovia as Ambassador for one reason: She's a Delta Nu.

Notes:

I sincerely hope that you enjoy reading this fairly ridiculous crossover event as much as I did writing it. Happy Yuletide!!

Work Text:

From the throne came a simple command.

"Kneel."

Elle looked sideways at Emmett, who squeezed her hand and gave her a small, but encouraging nod. She stepped forward to the kneeler that sat at the center of the room, directly before the throne. She lifted the skirts of her heavy pink ball gown, the noise of the silk rustling all she could hear. She knelt.

Queen Mia rose from her throne, a vision in white, with her crown fixed firmly upon her head. Her consort, Prince Nicholas, held out his arm to her and she slowly descended down the steps, until she stood directly before Elle.

Elle bowed her head. "Your Majesty."

"You have done me a great service, Elle Woods," said Queen Mia. "We are gathered here today to honor you."

Elle lifted her head. "It is my honor."

Queen Mia smiled and held out her hand. A sabre was placed into it at once, and she lifted it before her.

"In recognition of your act of service to the Crown and citizens of Genovia, you, Elle Woods of the United States, are hereby inducted into the Genovian Order of the Rose." Gently, Queen Mia placed the blade of the sabre on Elle's left shoulder, and then the right. "Please rise."

Elle stood and Queen Mia pinned a ribboned decoration, the color of a ripe pear, adorned with a ruby and diamond encrusted rose to the shoulder of Elle's gown. "You shall henceforth be known as Dame Elle Woods in Genovia and you shall always have welcome in our country." Queen Mia smiled at Elle. "You are a loyal friend and true and I will never forget that, Elle."

The Queen made a small gesture, and from the staircases that descended into the throne room, the awaiting musicians struck up a song that was very familiar to both Elle and the Queen, and at exactly the same moment they snapped their fingers in unison.

***

One month earlier…

Elle was sitting at a table at Flour, waiting both for her latte to be delivered and her husband, Emmett, to join her. She was oblivious to her surroundings, her attention firmly fixed on her blackberry and the inbox that never seemed to be empty despite the best efforts of her and her team of legal assistants and paralegals. She did not understand how email kept multiplying like that. Maybe someday she'd get Aaron to explain it to her. He might be a smug asshole, but the man did know technology.

"Is this seat taken?" came a woman's voice from somewhere over Elle's head.

Elle looked up, her automatic welcoming smile fixed firmly in place. "Oh, I'm sorry," she started, "It is, actually. I'm waiting for someone." Then she noticed that most of the other tables in the cafe were visibly empty. "But it appears that you have many available options instead, Ms--?"

"Smith," said the woman, ignoring Elle's comment regarding the availability of the chair opposite her and sitting. She made a small hand signal to Elle, that Elle immediately recognized as one that identified Delta Nu sisters to each other the world over. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Woods."

"Call me, Elle," she said, still trying to understand what was happening. Elle had learned so much about not stereotyping and judging books by covers, but that didn't mean she didn't have instincts and if this woman with truly terrible shoes was a Delta Nu, Elle was a bottle blonde. "You're a Delta Nu? Why didn't you just say so? What chapter were you? When?"

"I have a proposition for you," Ms. Smith said, ignoring Elle's questions. She slid a photograph across the table. "Do you recognize this woman?"

Since the woman in the photograph was wearing a crown and also Elle wasn't a moron, of course she did. But she didn't see why she had to make things easy for the ostensible Ms. Smith. "She looks familiar," Elle hedged.

Ms. Smith smiled, faintly. "Queen Amelia or more colloquially, Mia, of Genovia. Former resident of San Francisco, California, graduate of Princeton, and Delta Nu sister, class of 2005. Sounding more familiar?"

"A bit," Elle said. "Will it take long to get to your proposition? I'm waiting for my husband and I'd hate for you to still be here when he arrives."

At that, Ms. Smith laughed, which made Elle frown.

"You didn't…do something to Emmett, did you?" She grabbed for her Blackberry anxiously. "Because I promise if you, if you did something, I'll--"

Ms. Smith's hand covered Elle's on the Blackberry. "Your husband is fine, I assure you. I apologize for making you think otherwise. It's only that I was assured that you were perfect for this assignment and well, I had my doubts. I apologize for those as well."

It took every bit of training that Elle had received through four years of sorority life, three years of law school and another as a law clerk to not reach across the table and strangle Ms. Smith. "That's very nice, I'm sure. But if you don't start explaining yourself in the next five seconds, I will get up from this table and you will have to find someone else to proposition, do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," said Ms. Smith. "I will be blunt: I was sent to make you an offer to become Ambassador to Genovia."

Elle stared. It was official, one of the women seated at this table was crazy, and it was not Elle. "You must be joking."

"I assure you, I am not," said Ms. Smith. "Your country needs you, Ms. Woods. And so--" she tapped the photograph of Queen Mia--"does your sister."

"Explain," said Elle.

Ms. Smith obliged.

Elle listened in ongoing fascination and horror as Ms. Smith detailed a ridiculous sounding plot to manipulate Genovia's weather via cloud seeding, which would cause the pear harvest to fail, which would cause unrest and economic instability, which would further allow for a member of Genovia's parliament who hated the monarchy to introduce legislation to eliminate the Queen as Head of State.

Surely, she thought to herself as she listened, none of this could be real. And even if it was, surely there was someone better qualified to get this information to the queen. Like, maybe, the President. Surely president's could call queen's and no one would bat an eye. That had to be the way the world worked, not through sending sorority sisters across the ocean to pass each other top secret intelligence.

But if it was real…

Elle looked down at the photo of Queen Mia. She might not have ever met the queen before, but they were sisters. And Elle had never let a sister down before. She didn't see how she could start now.

"I'll do it," Elle said.

***

Later that evening, Elle was sitting on the sofa, watching Emmett pace back and forth across the length of their living room.

"Darling," she tried. "It's really not that bad, is it? We've talked about visiting Genovia before, after all. And you know you love pears!"

Emmett stopped pacing long enough to give her a withering look that Elle actually found absolutely adorable."I think you know very well that it isn't the traveling to Genovia or pears that I am objecting to."

"Pfft," said Elle, with a wave of her hand. "It's just a teensy bit of diplomatic espionage. What could go wrong?"

Emmett sighed and came to sit down next to her on the sofa. He took her hands in his and squeezed them. "You know that it's not your end of things that I am worried about going wrong."

She squeezed his hands back. "I know."

"Because I know better than to think that a Delta Nu, or more precisely my Delta Nu, can't do anything that she puts her mind to."

Elle laughed. Her husband really was the sweetest man in the entire world. "I know."

"But I wouldn't be doing my job as your partner to not worry about what others might do to you. You said this Ms. Smith mentioned a coup!" Emmett looked at her, his face full of the most earnest worry. "Do you know what coups very rarely are? Non-violent!"

"Emmett," Elle said, as gently as she could.

"I know," he said, with another sigh. "But you have to."

She nodded. "I do."

Emmett squeezed her hands one more time and then straightened his shoulders and stood. "Well, then let's get this diplomatic-slash-sorority mission on the road. There are pears to save, after all."

He marched determinedly down the hall, Elle could only imagine to start packing. She laughed, and went to join him.

***

Two weeks later, they arrived in Genovia. It was truly amazing how quickly life plans could be rearranged with the assistance of the United States government.

Leave of absence from her law firm? Check.

Accommodations in Genovia secured? Check.

Wardrobe packed and shipped? Check.

All that was left up to Elle was exactly how she was going to gain the confidence of Queen Mia, how she was going to get a prolonged audience with her, and how to not sound like a crazy person when Elle told her what she'd been sent there to say.

No problem at all.

They went to their accommodations first, so that Elle could change before her introductory audience with the Queen, where she would present her credentials as ambassador. She dressed in pink naturally, a tailored Chanel suit that she thought had the Jacqueline Kennedy style influence that would have made her acceptable to Warner's family. It seemed appropriate, and not the least bit funny that she was the one doing something political and Warner was…not.

Elle stepped out of the embassy car at the palace and clutched the leather portfolio with her credentials in one hand and Emmett's hand with her other. She hadn't been this nervous since she stepped into the courtroom to defend Brooke when she was just a law student, but she had done right by her sister on that occasion and she was determined to do the same for Queen Mia now.

Doors whisked open in front of them, one after the other, introductions made and hands shaken, until finally, they were brought to an inner sanctum where their handler knocked on the door and a cheerful, "Enter" returned through the heavily carved wood.

Elle had expected some sort of formal receiving room or salon, but instead, she was shown into a room that, while clearly part of a palace, was also a room that was well used. A fire crackled in the hearth, there were blankets thrown over the back of what was surely an antique sofa, there was a table set for tea, and the queen was just slipping on her shoes as she stood to greet them.

"Your Majesty," said Elle, as she dropped into an awkward curtsey. "I didn't realize--"

"Please," said the Queen, as she stepped forward to kiss Elle's cheek. "Call me Mia. You don't know how infrequently they let Americans in to see me, let alone a Delta Nu sister!" She winked at Elle, which Elle was both amused and charmed by as she didn't think she'd ever seen someone under the age of sixty perform that gesture. "I think my handlers think I wouldn't ever get a thing done if they did. The sad thing is that they're not wrong."
"Your Majesty," Elle tried again.

"Mia," the Queen said patiently.

"Your Majesty Mia."

Mia smiled. "Close enough."

"Please accept these letters of credential, naming me Ambassador to Genovia, as a signal of the friendship between our nations," Elle finally managed to rush out. She smiled at Queen Mia as she passed over the leather portfolio in her hand. "And on a more personal note, it is an honor to serve at the court of a sister of Delta Nu."

"Credentials most eagerly accepted," said the Queen. "Scone?"

Elle laughed, and the ice was officially broken. She joined the Queen at the tea table, introducing her to Emmett and gaining an introduction to the Queen's handsome husband Nicholas in turn. They shared tea and cakes and little sandwiches with the royal crest of Genovia pressed into the top slices of bread and talked of everything but what Elle had been sent there to tell the queen.

When the teapot was empty, Queen Mia rose from the table with a regretful look on her face. "This has been delightful," she said. "But I have more meetings to attend today and if I delay my schedule anymore my staff will have kittens."

"Of course," said Elle. "It was my pleasure, ma'am."

Queen Mia rolled her eyes. "None of that now." She took Elle's arm in hers as she walked her to the door of the study. "If your embassy hasn't briefed you yet, you will be back for the ambassadorial welcome ceremony on Friday, but I will consider it a personal favor if you would come to Sunday lunch with me and my family as well."

Elle exchanged a look with Emmett. "We'd be delighted."

"Wonderful," said Queen Mia. "Have to dash! Babies to run and countries to kiss." She frowned and laughed. "Wait. Reverse that." She not so gently nudged Elle and then Emmett out the door. "Goodbye!"

It was only when the door was closed in their faces that Elle began to laugh.

***

On Sunday afternoon, Elle and Emmett arrived at the palace for lunch promptly at one o'clock as instructed. They were shown to an informal for a palace sitting room, where Queen Mia and her extended family were waiting for them.

"Elle," said Queen Mia, rising to greet them. She crossed the room in a flash and lifted Elle out of the curtsey she had been trying to make, kissing Elle's cheek instead. "I'm so glad you and your husband could join us."

She led--or herded--them towards a handsome man with light brown hair and an amused expression. "This is my husband, Nicholas," Mia announced. "Nicholas, this is Elle Woods and her husband, Emmett Forrest. Say hello."

"Hello," said Prince Nicholas, taking Elle's hand in his and raising it to his lips. "My wife has not been able to contain her excitement about your appointment as ambassador. It is a pleasure to meet you at last."

Elle managed not to blush, but it was a very near thing. "Charmed, I'm sure."

"Behave," said Queen Mia to her husband, in an arch tone.

He grinned and released Elle's hand. He extended his own to Emmett for a handshake. "You wouldn't like me half so well if I did."

"It's true," said Queen Mia to Elle, in a stage whisper. "Unfortunately."

"Children," came a voice from the other side of the room. "Is it so much to ask that you pretend to be grown ups in front of company?"

Queen Mia grinned. "Sorry, Grandma." She took Elle's arm in hers and led her across the room. "Elle Woods, my grandmother, Queen Clarisse."

Elle curtseyed, and this time no one tried to stop her.

"And this is Grandpa Joe," said Queen Mia mischievously, gesturing towards the man sitting next to the former queen. Elle remembered that Queen Clarisse had remarried at the time of Queen Mia's coronation, which could only mean that this was that gentleman.

"Amelia," said the man that Elle could not imagine as Grandpa Joe no matter how hard she tried. He turned to Elle with a practiced smile. "Please forget you ever heard that. You may simply call me Joe."

"Of course," said Elle. "Do I bow or--"

"No," said Joe firmly.

Queen Mia let out a theatrical sigh of disappointment. "I don't know why you don't want me to have any fun, Grandpa."

Before anyone could answer, two women dressed in maids' uniforms appeared in the door to the sitting room. "Lunch is served," they said in chorus, and in an instant, Elle found herself swept away to a dining room and settled into a chair immediately next to Queen Mia. The table was laden with dishes and a veritable army of servants appeared to help the serving process, each one offering Elle a different dish. When her plate was so full that she didn't have any idea what she had and had not agreed to eat, with a nod of her head, all the servants disappeared from the room, leaving behind a cozy party of six.

Elle looked to the head of the table, where Queen Mia was raising her glass. "To new friends, lifelong sisters, and the governmental plots that send them to my door."

Elle's jaw dropped. "You knew!"

Queen Mia reached over to pat her hand. "I did," she said, smiling at Elle to soften the blow. "But it's not every day that I am sent a fellow Delta Nu as ambassador. I didn't want to say anything and give away an opportunity to have someone around that actually spoke my language for a change!"

Elle looked across the table at Emmett who looked as surprised as she did.

"But--" Elle started.

"I do still need your help," Queen Mia said, in a consoling tone. "You see, we still haven't made the plot public. And this, I hope, is where you will come in…"

***

One week later…

Queen Mia was just finishing the Queen's Speech, the one given at the beginning of every parliamentary session, written by the leader of the government majority. She wore her crown and state robes and Elle thought she looked every bit what you would expect a queen in the 21st century to look like if you thought about queen's existing at all, which Elle did not often do as an American.

From the corner of her eye, just as she had been warned would happen, a man in a long black robe rose to his feet for the clear purpose of interrupting the conclusion of Queen Mia's speech.

As she'd been instructed, Elle sprang to her feet. "Stop that man!" she yelled, in her best sorority yelling voice. "Protect the queen!"

Pandemonium reigned.

Guards seized the man in question, members of Parliament ran from the room, and Queen Mia was bustled out of the Halls of Parliament in a flash, but not before she met Elle's eyes from across the room and winked.

It has not been a difficult plot to foil. The member of parliament in question had terrible internet security practices and when searched, the police found enough evidence of research into weather manipulation and how to topple a monarchy in order to send the gentleman in question on a long vacation courtesy of Genovia's police forces.

The monarchy was safe. Queen Mia was safe.

And Elle had a new friend and sister, which was the most important thing of all.