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Cas cracks his eyes open to see sunlight streaming through the bedroom window. It feels like he barely slept at all, and he scrubs at his eyes, still feeling exhausted.
He and Dean had a fight last night that ended with Dean sleeping on the couch. Cas did feel bad about it, really. But he was blinded by anger the night before, and had just let it happen.
He’s about to close his eyes and fall back asleep when he feels someone shift next to him. He rolls over to see that Dean has rejoined him in the bed at some point. He’s confused, because he never does that after fights. He’s usually pretty adamant on needing space after.
When he examines him closer, he sees something peeking out from under his sleeve. He hesitantly reaches forward to pull it back, and chokes on a soft gasp when he sees the fresh scars littered across Dean’s arm. How had he not realized how bad Dean was feeling? He probably came back in search of Cas’s reassurance, but found him sleeping instead, and Dean being Dean probably thought Cas would be upset if he woke him up.
He quickly drops Dean’s arm when he starts to stir. His eyes flutter open and he groans sleepily, peering up at Cas. His eyes fill with tears as he reaches his injured arm out to grab at Cas’s shirt.
“Papa…” And Cas doesn’t think he’s ever felt more heartbroken in his life.
“Oh, baby… were you feeling small last night, too?” Dean looks away, worried Cas is gonna be mad at him for whatever reason. But he nods hesitantly, and Cas huffs softly.
“Sweetheart… why didn’t you wake me up so I could help you before you hurt yourself?” Dean sniffles and hides his face shamefully behind the blanket.
“Wasn’t small until after.” His eyes peek over the blanket at Cas. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to be mad at me?” Cas reaches out and runs his fingers through Dean’s hair.
“I promise, Dean. I won’t be mad.” Dean chews his lip nervously for a moment, obviously still worried about Cas’s anger. But Cas could never be mad at his baby. Not for anything.
“When I got small after I… got hurt… I didn’t know what to do. And… and I was scared, so I thought you would know, but you were sleeping and I didn’t wanna bother you. But I didn’t wanna be alone either so… so I didn’t clean them or nothing… just wanted hugs instead.” Cas is sure his heart is gonna break into pieces any second now. He feels absolutely awful.
“Baby, you can always wake me up if you need me. But I’m not mad. We just need to go get your arm all taken care of, okay?” Dean shakes his head.
“No, don’t touch it! It hurts, papa.” Cas smiles sadly at him.
“I know, honey. But they have to be clean or you might get sick. I’ll be very gentle, okay?” Dean thinks for a moment.
“Promise?” Cas ruffles his hair.
“I promise.” Hesitantly, Dean nods.
“Okay…” He then thrusts his arms out to be picked up. Cas just laughs and stands up, happy to carry Dean as much as he wants.
When they arrive in the bathroom, Cas sets Dean up on the counter by the bathroom sink. He gets the soap ready and pulls out a bandage in case he starts to bleed again, knowing that, if nothing else, it’ll make Dean feel better to have one on.
“Okay, sweetheart. Can you roll up your sleeve for me?” Surprisingly, Dean shakes his head and holds out his arm, looking away nervously.
“You do it… please?” He asks shamefully, and Cas smiles softly. As heartbreaking as the situation is, he loves that Dean trusts him this much. Especially while he’s in such a vulnerable headspace.
He gently rolls Dean’s sleeve up to his elbow, apologizing softly when he winces as the fabric brushes against the fresh wounds.
Cas steels himself, trying to control his reaction in order to keep Dean from freaking out, but it’s hard. It’s just… his arm looks… it looks so painful.
His eyes start to fill with tears at the sight, but he quickly takes a deep breath and blinks them away. He needs to be strong for Dean, he doesn’t want to upset him.
“Okay, it’s okay. I’m going to move your arm over the sink so I can clean it, now.” He pulls Dean’s arm over to the sink and turns the water on. The water splashes against the fresh cuts and Dean yelps, moving his arm away from the water.
“Ow, papa! Hurts!” Cas takes his hand and runs his thumb across his knuckles.
“I know, I know. It hurts, I understand. But I have to take care of your wounds, Dean.” He sighs softly. “How about I keep it out of the direct line of the water if I can? Does that sound like a reasonable compromise?” Dean hesitates. He really doesn’t want his arm touched. It hurts! And he can tell it makes papa sad to see it. But he’s pretty sure papa would be even sadder if he went without getting his arm cleaned. Slowly, he reaches his arm back out for Cas to take, and he’s rewarded with a grateful smile.
“Good job. You’re being a very brave boy today. Papa is so proud of you.” For the first time that morning, Dean smiles. Suddenly getting cleaned up doesn’t seem so bad.
Cas is as gentle as he can be as he rubs the soap onto Dean’s arm. He comforts Dean as he whimpers and tears up, even letting out a few sobs when the water makes his arm sting.
When they’re done, and Dean has a large bandage covering the majority of his forearm, Cas eagerly lifts him back up, happy to have his baby back in his arms.
“Oh, sweet boy. You did so good. You were so, so brave. I know it was hard.” Dean takes this opportunity to wail his little heart out, letting go of all the big feelings his small mind can’t process. Cas takes him back to the bedroom and grabs his box of little things from the closet. He takes it to the bed where he settles on the edge, tucking the still sobbing Dean against his chest and draping his blanket over him.
Cas still hasn’t figured out what about this specific blanket has considered it the blanket. It’s a pretty generic Walmart blanket. It’s soft, but it’s nothing special. (Though to Dean, it’s very special, and Cas understands that. He would never insult Dean’s precious blanket.)
Dean’s tears soon come to a stop, and he finally notices his blanket. He hums a positive note and pulls it tighter around himself.
“Would you like to play something? I could get a toy out for you.” Dean shakes his head uncharacteristically. He usually jumps at the opportunity to play and get out all his toys.
“Okay.” Cas says, barely concealing his surprise. “What about coloring? We could get out your new dinosaur coloring book?” Dean shakes his head again.
“Do you have any idea what you want to do?” Dean looks up at him with those heart melting green eyes.
“Cuddle?” Cas smiles. He should’ve known. Big Dean wouldn’t admit it in a million years, but he’s very tactile. Even more so when he’s upset.
“Sounds good to me. You know I’ll never turn down a chance to snuggle my favorite little one.” Dean smiles sheepishly and hides his face in Cas’s chest.
“Lay down?” He requests softly, and Cas complies, maneuvering the two of them around until they can lie back on the bed.
“Would you like to watch cartoons while we cuddle?” Dean nods eagerly, giggling a little at hearing the word ‘cuddle’ in Cas’s deep, gravelly voice.
Cas reaches to the side to retrieve Dean’s laptop and sets it up next to them in bed. He turns on one of the cartoons he knows Dean likes, and watches him as he gasps excitedly and starts watching.
A few minutes of Dean’s excited mumbling along with the show, he abruptly turns to look at Cas.
“Papa… do we gotta talk about our fight now?” Cas sighs and smiles reassuringly at him.
“No, sweetheart. You aren’t in the right headspace to talk about it right now. We’ll talk when you’re feeling bigger.” Dean considers this for a moment.
“Are you mad at me? ‘Cause… ‘cause we fought?” Cas brushes a hair out of his eyes.
“No, baby. I’m not mad. I…” He thinks, not wanting to word this wrong and upset Dean further. “I was frustrated. But I’m not mad at you. Sometimes people fight, even people who love each other. It happens. And it’ll be okay.” Dean nods, looking reassured as he turns back to his show, snuggling deeper into his blanket.
Cas presses a kiss to his cheek just to hear him giggle shyly. Things weren’t perfect, but they were going to be alright. They always were.