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“And, cut!”
They’ve been filming Louis and Lestat reunion scene for quite a while now. It was a draining experience for both Sam and Jacob. While Sam was glad that Lestat and Louis meet each other again and finally talk after a long time, he finds himself unable to shake the heaviness in his heart.
“Good jo-“ Sam stops himself when he steps back from their embrace and sees Jacob’s face. Jacob’s expression is hard to decipher. His brows are furrowed and his lips are quivering. He can’t seem to look at Sam.
“Great work today, Sam.” Jacob says, eyes darting towards the crew, still not looking at Sam. He starts to walk towards Levan and Sam heard him asks if they’re finished for the day. Levan nods and Jacob immediately walks towards the exit and straight to the hair and makeup trailer.
He doesn’t understand what makes jacob ran from the set. Usually they’d chat or make plans for dinner together after filming. Is it because he’s too tired today? Are his contacts hurting his eyes and he need to take it off as soon as possible? Did sam do anything wrong?
Sam was pulled aside by Levan for a few minutes before he could finally walks towards the hair and makeup trailer just to find that jacob is already gone. What the fuck did just happen? He quickly cleans himself up and change into his own clothes. His mind is running a mile an hour. He needs to fix whatever this is.
As soon as Sam arrives at their apartment, he runs to Jacob’s room. They live in the same building but on a different floor. Jacob lives right above him. Sometimes he could hear his footsteps if he listens hard enough and if the night is quiet.
The door finally opens after a few knocks. Jacob looks surprised when he saw him. He’s wearing a beige soft looking sweatshirt and basketball shorts. His eyes are a little bit puffy and his nose is red. Has he been crying?
“Oh, hi Sam.”
“Can i talk to you for a bit?” Sam wants to hugs him and tells him everything will be alright but now talking would be enough.
Jacob steps aside and opens the door wider to let Sam in. He closed the door and walk towards Sam in the middle of the living room. Sam realized Jacob still won’t meet his eyes since they finished filming.
“Are you okay, Jacob? i mean, you practically flew out of the set earlier. Is something wrong?” Sam asks concernedly.
Jacob seems uneasy by the question. He looks down and fiddles his fingers. “I- it’s just quite an intense scene. You know how I sometimes get when filming these kinds of scene.”
“I know but we always talked about it, right?” Sam took a step closer to Jacob. “You know you can always talk to me.”
Jacob finally looks up and meets his eyes. He lets out a sigh before nodding. “Yeah, i know.”
“I’m just- it’s silly actually. The whole scene kind of reminded me that there’s probably still a long time before Louis and Lestat are back together again. Don’t get me wrong, i think that’s a good thing for their relationship and i’m happy they’re on talking terms but...” Jacob seems to considering what to say next. He looks down again and says “I’m just sad because that means we’re going to film less scenes together next season. There’s already so little time we got to be together on set this season.”
During filming for season one, Sam and Jacob was inseparable almost every day for months. Sometimes it felt like they were one person instead of two. Jacob had been sad too when they filmed the murdering Lestat scene but they talked right after. They knew that the dynamic is going to change in season two. Hearing the news about dreamstat was exciting for the both of them because that means they get to film together more. It’s still much less than season one but Sam promised that he’d try to come to set as often as he could when Jacob is filming (the crew finally stops asking what he’s doing on the set instead of resting by his fourth visit) and Jacob said they should eat dinner together at least twice a week (twice a week became every night very quickly).
Sam didn’t know what to say so he stayed quiet. Of course he’s sad too. It wasn’t easy filming this show, sure he love it with all his heart and it’s has always been a dream of him since he was young to do this, but sometimes things does gets hard. Jacob made all of this easier. His warm smile, his easy touch, his soft voice telling Sam how great he did, his bubbly laugh, honestly, his existence alone soothes Sam. He didn’t know what it is before. Sam never felt this way about anyone until now. Sure, he had a crush on a few people before and dated some of them but it never felt like this. Being with Jacob feels like letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding for a long time.
“See, i told you it was silly.” Jacob turns away and starts to steps back but Sam caught his hand.
“No, it wasn’t.” Jacob eyes are teary when he looks at him. He holds Jacob hands and pulls him closer. “I know what you mean. It wasn’t easy for me too. I thought it was enough watching you on set and having dinner with you every night but it wasn’t. I can’t stop missing you even when we’re together.”
Sam doesn’t know what came over him that made him literally confessed his feelings to Jacob. He didn’t came here expecting to lay his heart bare but he couldn’t look at how distressed Jacob was. He would do anything to wipe off that sad look from Jacob’s face.
Jacob seems to be taken back by what Sam said. His eyes are wide and his body shakes a little bit. “Really?” Jacob whispers.
There’s a lot of things that Sam is unsure about in his life. Loving Jacob wasn’t one of them. It does took some time for him to put a name on what his feelings are but the moment he realized that it is love suddenly it all made sense. There’s no doubt in his mind that he loves Jacob.
Slowly, Sam leans in and presses their forehead together. He closes his eyes and nods. They’re both quiet before he felt Jacob let go of his hands and wraps his hands around Sam’s shoulder. Sam pulls him closer by his waist and burrows his face into Jacob’s neck.
Jacob smells like vanilla and sandalwood. He smells like christmas morning. He smells like home. Sam can’t help but deepens the hug. They stay like that for what felt like hours. The world could end right now and he wouldn’t care about a damn thing.
Then he hears jacob stifles a yawn.
“You should sleep. It’s been a long day.” Sam says as he looses his arms around jacob. He hates to let go of him but he notices how tired Jacob looks.
Jacob doesn’t seems to want to let go too because he tightens his arms and shakes his head. “Can we- can we stay like this for five more minutes? please?”
There’s nothing in this world that Sam could say no to Jacob. Especially when he’s asking for this. But he can’t stand seeing Jacob getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open.
“We can do this in the bed. Come on.” Sam urges as he steps back. He took Jacob’s hand and guides him to the bed.
“The word is cuddling, Sam.” Jacob chuckles sleepily as he follow Sam. Sam can’t understand how can someone still be able to look this adorable while being utterly exhausted.
“Yeah. Let’s cuddle, Jacob.” He smiles fondly. Sam hopes his adoration doesn’t comes out too much on his face but he founds that he doesn’t really minds anymore.
They settled on the bed and Sam pulls on the cover for them. He puts his arm under Jacob’s head and their legs tangled with each other’s. The world outside is still alive and buzzing, despite it being 4 am. But here, in this room, it feels like they’re the only human in this world. Would he mind if that’s the case?
Sam strokes Jacob’s hair and hears the other guy exhale. “Thank you, Sam.”
Anything for you, he wanted to say but instead he just hums and moves his other hand to rubs Jacob’s back. Slowly, he feels Jacob is starting to falls asleep.
In this moment, with Jacob sleeping in his arms, he thought about how he much he wants to have this for the rest of his life. What could he give to have this for every single day. To wake up every morning with Jacob’s head on his chest, to feels Jacob’s body so close to him, to smell his scent, to hear his sighs in his sleep, to bury his finger on Jacob’s soft hair, and just to be able to look at him for however long he wants.
He feels his eyes starting to get heavy. He doesn’t want this night to end because he knows he’ll never get to cuddle Jacob again. It’s just not a thing they do. Hours and hours of walking and chatting on a bench in a park, casual touches that passes off as friendly acts, looks they send each other every time something funny happens on set no matter how far away they are standing from one another as if they can read each other’s mind, dinner with only the two of them every night in Paris, waking up to each other messages, Sam visiting the set to watch Jacob on his day off, Jacob comforting him when he’s nervous on the stage in front of hundreds of people, 40 minutes in a sticker shop, a day in Universal Studios, and laughing at each other jokes even when no one other than them finds it funny is what they do. Sure, they’ve held each other before, like the day Sam is going back to Australia after they wrapped up shooting. They embraced each other for quite some time, probably too long, and that one time Jacob leaned his head on Sam’s shoulder after they filmed a tough scene. But not this. Never this.
Oh how Sam dreaded to wake up knowing the other side of the bed will be empty and he’s cold and alone again without Jacob’s warmth melting him softly. He tried to fight the sleepiness away but it was a losing battle. Hours of shooting finally hitting him as he founds himself drifting off.
———
When he found himself cuddling with Jacob again in his bed that night, he thought, “What on earth did i do to deserve this?”.