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Clarke starts thinking about kids because Octavia graduates from college, and it feels like the end of something. It's not the end of their responsibility to her, because that's never going to be done. They're family. But they're in the kind of place in their lives where she thinks they should be thinking about kids. He's thirty, she's twenty-eight, they're married, they have jobs and a house and a dog. They're adults.
And yet, she can't even think about kids.
"That's weird, right?" she asks Raven.
"Hell no, I don't want kids."
"I always thought I did," Clarke says. "Just, like, someday. But now I'm not sure."
"So don't be. You're twenty-eight, seriously. Don't tell me your biological clock is freaking you out. You've got years and years of reproductive viability."
"Bellamy's so good with kids, though."
"So talk to him, not me."
Clarke grins at her. "Sorry for discussing my life with you."
Raven grins back. "You should be. Seriously, are you empty-nesting? Is that what's happening?"
"I don't know. It feels like--that was why we weren't? Or we couldn't think about it until after Octavia was set. And now we can and I still don't want to. And I know," she adds, before Raven can say anything. "I'm going to talk to him."
"You guys have basically already had a kid. I wouldn't be rushing to have another if I were you."
"I guess," says Clarke, but--it wasn't really like having a kid, right? Octavia was thirteen by the time Clarke met her, and fourteen by the time Clarke was actually particularly involved in her upbringing.
So a kid would be even more work, and it just feels like a lot. But maybe Bellamy's used to it by now. Maybe he misses having someone around to bug him. Someone other than her.
"Do you want kids?" she asks him that night.
He tenses immediately, and Clarke has to smile. It maybe shouldn't be a comfort, that he looks spooked, but it's a lot better than instant enthusiasm. "Before I answer, you should just tell me if you're pregnant," he says. "If this is your way of telling me we're having a kid, it affects my answer."
"I'm not pregnant."
He kisses her. "Thank god."
Clarke laughs. "So that's a no on kids."
"Not forever?" he says, but it comes out strange. "But--god, I feel like now that O's out of school, it's kind of--the first time we've really been alone, you know? Which is fucking stupid because she's been at college for four years, but--"
A grin breaks out on her face. "No, I feel the same way. We're totally going to be that couple who doesn't worry about any kids for a few years."
"Except Octavia."
"She's fine," Clarke assures him. "She's got a job and an apartment lined up. We could just abandon her and she'd survive. Her boyfriend who's too old for her would--"
Bellamy groans. "Shut up."
"He's nice. I like him."
"You would."
"Is that supposed to be a burn? Because all I'm hearing is You have always been better at dealing with Octavia's relationships than I have, Clarke."
"That's true." He wraps his arms around her and kisses her jaw. "He's your age."
"Yeah, but if Octavia had been legal when I met her, I probably would have gone for her instead of you. She's cuter."
Bellamy laughs, turning her around so he can press her up against the sink, kissing her full on the mouth now. It's the kind of thing they wouldn't have much time for, if they had an actual baby. Clarke knows people with tiny children; they're a time-suck on a level Octavia never was while Clarke knew her. Octavia was like a song stuck in her head in a lot of ways, not present, but always there. They were aware of her, and she was a factor in every choice they made.
She was their responsibility. But she wasn't their kid.
"Is it too late for that?" Bellamy murmurs, against her lips. "If she's gonna date someone who's way too old for her, I'd rather it was you."
"If you wanted me to date your sister, you shouldn't have married me."
"That was my first mistake, yeah." He pulls back to look at her, serious. "You don't--when you want kids, tell me. I'm not against kids. Anytime you're ready, I'll--"
"I'm not ready," she assures him. "I don't think for a while. So if my biological clock kicks in, I'll let you know."
But it doesn't. Clarke sees friends get married, have kids, and everyone keeps asking if they're next, and she just has no interest. She's happy. Honestly, she likes her life exactly how it is.
"Have you thought about not having kids?" she asks Bellamy, on her thirtieth birthday.
"Does this mean you don't want to have sex?" he asks, nuzzling her hair. "Birthday sex is the best sex. I think there was a scientific study."
Clarke laughs, curls closer to him, slides her hand under his shirt. "No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying--maybe we don't have to do that, you know? I'm not sure I ever want kids. Have you heard about pregnancy? It sounds terrible."
"Yeah, but I figured you'd be the one to do it." He pauses. "You don't want kids?"
"I'm not--if you want me to have your babies, I will. I know you like kids. And our kids would be adorable. But I don't really care. I think I'd be happy if we never had kids. I like our lives the way they are."
"Huh," he says, and Clarke finds his hand to squeeze. He squeezes back. "I hadn't really been thinking about it. I figured you'd just tell me when you were ready."
"I did too. But this one might be on you."
"I'm not saying we have to have kids," he protests.
"But you want to." She noses his neck. "It's okay. This was supposed to be a conversation, not me telling you kids are off the table. If you want--"
"I know," he says. "I meant it too. I might not want kids. I hadn't really ever thought about it." He closes his eyes and leans against her. "No kids," he says, in a tone she can't quite read.
"Not unless one of us changes our minds," she says. "I was just thinking we could start going on the assumption that we're not having kids, instead of that we are."
"Yeah," he says. "I'm--I like that assumption."
Something in Clarke's chest unknots itself. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," he says, releases a breath. "Honestly, I'm great with that."
Octavia's twenty-six when she tells them she's having a kid, and Clarke sort of figures if anything is going to kickstart their parental instincts, it will be their nephew. And Gabe is adorable, of course, and both of them love him and spoil him rotten, but there's no primal urge in Clarke to have one of her own. If anything, the existence of Octavia's son reduces her need to reproduce, because if she wants to play with a baby, she can just steal him.
"You're not getting all I love babies, are you?" she asks Bellamy, after a play date. She pauses. "That sounded sarcastic, but it wasn't. You can be. I won't mind."
"Babies are cute, but fuck, they're a lot of work," he says, flopping down next to her. "Even for a couple hours." He leans over for a kiss. "As always, if I realize I suddenly want kids, you'll be the first to know. But I really haven't."
"It just feels like we should," she admits. "My mom's been asking about it. She says we're going to regret it in ten years."
"Your mom has so many weird beliefs about what you'll regret in ten years. Did you remind her she was wrong about me?"
"Basically every time we talk."
He laughs. "As long as you're not letting her forget it."
"She loves you."
"Kind of. I think she still wishes you'd lived an entirely different life, but whatever. She's wrong. You have an awesome life."
Clarke closes her eyes, content. "The best life."
After two years (and one niece, plus a kid for their friends Miller and Monty), Bellamy brings it up again. "What if we didn't have kids?"
She grins. "What a concept."
"No, I meant--I was thinking about foster care. Adoption." He leans his head against hers. "We're pretty good at older kids. And they're the ones who have the most trouble getting placed. We've got room and money, and--" He shrugs. "We don't have to. I was just thinking it might be a good fit for us."
"Fostering," Clarke repeats.
"Standard disclaimer, it's up to you, I'm happy just how we are. But I was reading an article about the issues with the foster care system."
"And you want to fix them."
"If we've got a specialty, it's preteens and teenagers," he says. "So--let me know."
"I'll think about it," Clarke tells him, and she does. It only takes her two days to come to a conclusion, and when she says, "So, what's the fostering process? You definitely looked it up," she's rewarded with Bellamy's bright smile.
"You sure?" he asks.
"I bet if we didn't, I'd regret it in ten years."
He laughs. "Seriously, we don't have to."
"You want to, though."
"Yeah."
"And you wouldn't rather try to have a baby or something? We could have a baby."
"No. I didn't mean we should do this as a consolation prize or anything. I want to. I think we'd be pretty good at it. I think it's a better fit for us."
"So this is gonna be your thing? You've got a soft spot for teenagers in peril. We're gonna end up with a brood."
"Hey, you can't say you didn't know coming into this." He leans his forehead against hers. "Sure?"
"Sure."
He nods. "Okay, so--we're having kids."
"We're having kids," she agrees, and kisses him. "Good talk."