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“This is Nodgraedxil-”
Bruno blinked and shook his head. “No, no, that’s Jorge Junior, because of that time he got a thimble stuck on his head when he was a baby.”
“Tío.” The tone in Antonio’s voice was far too close to the disappointed-and-exasperated one Félix used sometimes. “That’s not his real name. And he says you promised not to tell anyone about that again, was that a lie?”
“...technically, I guess?” Bruno looked helplessly at José, who shrugged.
“I’ll put it on your tab,” the priest muttered, then leaned down to get a closer look at the rat in Antonio’s hands. To his credit he kept his expression neutral; Bruno knew he was not convinced of the little creatures’ charms, which made him agreeing to do this an act of professional courtesy. “And what does, uh, Nadgerd-”
“Nodgraedxil.”
“-have to confess?”
After ruling out the confessional itself they’d opted to do this in the little chapel off the main altar, as it offered both privacy and an appropriate level of formality for the proceedings. Bruno perched on the edge of a pew, José - dressed in his frock and collar - sat on a chair facing him, and between them stood Antonio, who had taken the rat from his uncle and presented him to the priest for absolution.
“He steals berries from Señor Queso because he’s jealous. He wants to play Ratón Pérez in a concert some time. So…he confesses to theft. And envy.”
“I see,” José said gravely. His gaze shifted from the rodent to Bruno and managed to convey exactly how delighted he was by this ridiculous situation, and Bruno felt his heart melt a little. Maybe it wasn’t just professional courtesy. “And is he sorry for what he has done?”
Antonio waggled a finger at Nodgraedxil, who sat up on his haunches and grasped it in his front paws, then nuzzled his fuzzy face against it. The boy hummed. “He says yes, but that he still wants a chance to be Ratón Pérez.”
This particular rat, Bruno knew, had proven difficult to train and simply refused to stay in one spot no matter how much positive reinforcement he received. Still, it was worth another try, so he shrugged and nodded.
“Alright. Next time, Jorg- Nodgraedxil will have a turn. But only if he stops stealing berries.”
“Yes, he has to…show penitence,” José agreed while failing to keep a straight face. He sat back and cleared his throat. “Nodgraedxil, I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
The humans made the sign of the cross. The rat squeaked and scratched behind his ear with a back foot.
“Can he have a bread snack now?” Antonio asked in a stage whisper.
José thought about this, then folded his hands. “Not right now, but when your tío brings him up to the altar next Mass, he will.”
Bruno’s jaw dropped and he looked from his nephew to his rat to his…whatever they were, about to protest, but Antonio was beaming at him happily, and José gave him a wink, and he settled back in the pew with a sigh.
“Fine. But I’ve got like four more rats in this ruana so you’d better make sure you’ve got enough rodent-sized sacraments to go around.”
“And grape juice!” Antonio enthused. “He says he wants the grape juice too.”
Bruno snorted. “Maybe you can serve it to them in a thimble.”
Nodgraedxil, outraged, leaped over and gave Bruno a reproachful nip on the hand. This caused some swearing, which resulted in a whole new round of confessions.