Chapter Text
When she stood there, tears in her eyes, it was terrifying for him. He hadn’t seen her cry this many times since the winter, and seemingly, this time it was all his fault. The thoughts that filled his mind were self-deprecating and doubtful. They renewed the feelings that he expressed in his letter, and they were accompanied by new ones that made him question the earlier conversation at the breakfast table.
Then she was pulling back from him, and all he wanted to do was rush to her and hold her close and apologize or make it better. He never knew how to fix things; she was always so much better than him. It brought physical pain to his limbs to not move them towards her, but he wasn't ever going to take more than she was willing to give and so he steeled himself in preparation to hear what she had come to say. He respected her too much to ignore her speech. Every word that came from her lips for him to hear was a gift that he never wanted to take for granted. Everyone was on borrowed time in his mind, and he felt it even more keenly with her.
Then she spoke, and she was angry with him. She was upset, and if he wasn't listening so intently, he could have let it cause him to bluster and become indignant when she said he was wrong and foolish. Yet under everything, she realised this was Audrey Hall's way of saying that, of course, he was a bloody fool, but one that she loved.
He could feel the smile tugging at the corners of his heart while his face remained resolute, waiting for her speech to come to the natural conclusion that he had already reached. He loved this woman more than life itself, and he was thankful that she was acknowledging parts of their past that tugged sharply at his heartstrings.
When she had nearly left him, he felt she was basically signing his death certificate. She had helped him build a home, and without her, it would fall apart. He would crumble. He was built on the foundation she had built for him, and without her, it felt like it would be pulled out from under him. They had never addressed that until now.
Her tears now dried with her fierce declarations, and his heart swelled in his chest at the knowledge that she recognized the very same things at the time and even now. Yet he was glad to learn, as she continued, that the letter clutched in her hands only served to make her a bit agitated at his foolishness. Now that she had read it, it didn’t scare her; in fact, he could hardly believe his luck when she returned the final sentiments of the letter to him.
He certainly would not be the first one to breach the appropriate space between them. No matter the fact that it felt like his skin was on fire with the need to touch her. His arms tingled with the memory of her body held closely in his embrace, and his nose remembered the smell of her hair as it pressed against his cheek.
Then she stepped forward. It was almost so shocking to him that he took a step back, but before he could, she had closed the gap between them. Their bodies still not touching as she stood before him, and her smell encircled and enticed him to make a move. He had asked before, and now it was her turn.
To hear the words fall from her lips. The ones his eyes had been flicking towards for several moments felt like a dream. Yet there they were, sucking the air out of his lungs, but determined to remain composed, her indulged himself for a moment to feel her skin.
His fingertips ghosted her palms as her eyes fell shut, allowing him to appreciate her flawless complexion as his calloused palms skated up her arms. His thumbs pressed gently into the crease of her elbow before continuing to her shoulders. Letting the weight of his hands rest there for a moment, he breathed in slowly to ready himself. Gently, he brought his palms to either side of her face, the corners of her smile telling him she had thoroughly enjoyed just his touch thus far. He pulled her face towards his and barely ghosted his lips against his and pulled back.
Her eyes flew open as if to say she was expecting much more, but they were met with a wry knowing smirk on his lips before he allowed his hands to sink fully into her tresses. One would never be enough when it came to the woman that he pulled flush to his body.
Her hands found the nape of his neck and then proceeded to get lost in the task of driving him mad, and he suspected thoroughly messing his hair. He had kissed plenty of women. Probably more than was appropriate and many more than he enjoyed, but kissing her was unlike any other. She was a bit more demanding than he expected of a woman of her religiosity, but he was quite happy to let her take control. Matching every emotion that she poured into the kiss, it felt like being set free. Finally able to express every part of himself to her and say the things words alone could not express.
When they must take a break, he felt the silly rougish grin spreading across his face before he opened his eyes. Happily, when he did, there was one that matched on the face of his beloved. After a few comfortable words were exchanged between them, he suddenly realized the reality of their situation. While he wanted everything with her, he was unsure of just what she wanted and expected from him.