Chapter Text
Daniel
January 2003
Knees aching as they dug into the frozen polished concrete under them, grinding against the cartilage that screamed at me to get up. But, I couldn't move. Instead I stayed there clutching onto the little post it note as a life preserver to keep me afloat in the reality before me. Worn and weathered from every time I had placed it in my front pocket, after every time I ran my hand over my chest to bring a small reminder with me of what was waiting back home. A home that was now in a graveyard somewhere in Kansas City no doubt.
The gate started churning, metal clanking and groaning against itself and the muffling of what I thought was Walter calling out, "off world activation." But I couldn't bring myself to move. Teal'c’s broad hand tugged me from the floor by my collar as we stepped aside in time to see the flush of blues that would have ended it all. Could have easily disintegrated me at the spot, though I was sure common sense would have snapped in at the last possible moment. Rather than that though, a team of four walked out from the gate and it snapped shut behind them as easily as before.
"The area is secured sir," Major Lorne called over to Jack standing there with two men I didn't recognize, and one I did. One that I had to restrain myself from running across the ramp and murdering with my own hands. A primal need to hear the air wheezing from his broken windpipe caused by my own anger flashed in my thoughts. Teal’c sensed something dark and daunting stirring in my chest as well, because his hand twitched at my collar still unwilling to let go. Was it the breathing in my chest picking up causing my body to hum in unrighteous vengeance, or was it the static of tension between the four of us against an unknowing party that walked into the gateroom making my feet stay glued to the spot as I observed in a dark cloud of interest the back and forth happening.
"Good work, before you head home I'll walk you over to the medical bay." Jack gave an awkward glance to me in reassurance. His eyes mirrored a warning from the steady stream of pure hatred that radiated off of me in a pointed beam toward Sgt. Carlson.
"We weren't hit in the blast sir," the man that had called her a friend, who put her in a position to fend for her own life, spoke and all I could hear were my thoughts repeating back that she was gone. A record spinning over and over reminding me that she could have been saved from this in another timeline before, had he not stepped through this gate, and instead now had been dead for years.
He made eye contact and my body flinched as Teal'c gripped my shoulder now as a reminder that he was there, and as my friend, my brother, he would restrain me. A restraint I didn’t need, but oddly appreciated. The fog clouding my mind settled and I remembered once more it wasn't necessarily even Carlson's fault. He didn't ask to be Goa'uld when it happened, he was a victim too. I looked away in disgust at my unfairly pointed anger as the man's eyes widened in confusion.
"It's a new protocol, something has come up and we're putting in preventative measures." Jack motioned the team to pass with him out the gate room.
Lorne looked me over as he passed and gave a small tense smile, "glad to see you're okay Dr. Jackson, you were looking worse for wear out there." A grunt of thanks and a terse head nod was my only response. The only thing that could come out without dry heaving along with it.
The team left us alone there and Sam said in a tone that was meant to elicit comfort but instead brought with it a clinical sense of worry, “I don’t think he should be alone tonight.” I knew she was trying to be kind, that she was trying to be compassionate and understanding but I was here, I was flesh and blood and bone and alive.
"I can speak for myself." I responded and shrugged off Teal'c's hand as I watched the gate there looming back. "I'm not leaving my office, at least not until I can have some answers." They didn't speak, instead they shared a look that I had seen before causing my skin to crawl, and their eyes both followed me out the door.
Every cell was clawing at my nerves with exhaustion, with confusion, rage and agony in the crushing grief that was pounding into me. My tunnel vision leading to the space her office once was, like a zombie passing through the domed hallways and boots of people starting their shifts scuffling past. An echo of rubber loafers walking to her door, and small jingling keys in her hand, a little hum of contentment when she would get the tricky lock open on the first twist, and a small curse under her breath when it didn’t work. Missing all missing.
I opened the door once more, seeing the metal wire shelves holding cluttered junk. Boxes of spare gear and cleaning supplies cluttered spaces where she had her desk, her files and her pictures. Pictures of me, of her, of us. My chest started heaving with each shaky breath, and I grabbed a plastic bin holding spools of chording and threw it against the wall feeling the rush of frustration in me build. I allowed in that moment for the wall to fall, to crumble down and let my anger and hurt out. There was no way that I was going to find a path back to her in this haze of confusion. I picked up another crate of dust covered patches and stared down at it in disbelief. This shouldn't be here. This didn't belong here. This was where her pile of finished paperback novels she read during lunch should have been to trade with Janet. Where her copper bell would rest that I could hear from across the hall when someone needed her. When I needed her. And I needed her. When my exhaustion finally got the better of me I slumped down into a pile on the floor, and put my head in my hands rubbing the palms into my forehead to massage out the migraine that had been forming since the start of this all.
"Your little temper tantrum over?" Jack shot from the doorway.
"What do you want?" I groaned out looking back up at him. His shoulder slumped against the frame of the door and that look of both understanding and worry etched in the lines of his face.
"I want to know that you, new, old Daniel can be trusted to get yourself together." He sniffed and looked around the room I had demolished. The boxes I had thrown, the random odds and ends that had scattered all over the floor.
"I'll figure it out. I don't know how, but I'll figure it out." I took in a deep breath and turned back to the mess. "And uh, I'll get this all sorted in the morning." I gestured haphazardly looking back up at him feeling like a child being watched by a knowing parent. This wasn’t like me. I wasn’t a punch a wall type of man. I had felt crushing grief, but it had never been like this. It hadn’t been my fault like this, with no one else to commiserate with. I was truly alone in this guilt.
"Don't worry about it, no one comes in here anyway." He shrugged and went to walk down the hallway. It was true though, no one came in here anymore and a sharp twisting blade carved into my heart with the understanding of that.
Jack
I just helped him carry his own dead body out of the SGC, bury it in the ground, and now he's here begging us to go back. For what? Even if we could send him back I'm not sure I wanted to. The whole point from what he explained to me, was that this was his life now. He had lived this, and he came back to relive it. To warn us.
I didn't know who this woman was that he claimed we had met, these memories, this life. I looked over at Carter working in her lab writing a report, at Sam, my Sam and thought of how desperate I would be to get back to her. She was real though, she was here and an intricate part of this existence. This woman he was talking about, no one knew her. There were no records of her here. Admittedly Daniel had lost his wife to this job, and now apparently this second chance at love. I was empathetic, sure, but I didn't know how to help him without jeopardizing everything we have worked for. And, as much as I cared about Daniel, I was not willing to risk her.
Eleanor
He walked through the gate and I whispered one more I love you in his direction as the last sway of his hand went through the wormhole. And then, I blinked.
Breathing, I was still breathing.
This should all be gone. My timeline was done, he would have reversed it. I wouldn't be here. I mean I would be with him, in my office, with no memory of this. Hopefully eating chocolate oranges still and no blast wound to his stomach.
The wormhole was gone, snapped shut. There was silence all around me as there should be. I turned and saw Sam, her body still as if it were frozen in time. Looking around there was everyone, watching Daniel walk out just as I was but, not.
"So uh, funny little prank on the girl who's never seen someone step through the gate and correct time right?" My voice was shaky as I walked over to Jack. His grim expression still plastered on his face. Every pore still visible and yet not a single movement from his chest. No breathing, no moisture even there on his eyes. It was a waxy substitute of the man I knew. "You guys can stop the joke. It's not funny." I croaked out barely audible just as I reached a hand out to touch his jacket, but as I did I recoiled seeing his body start to dematerialize. I was beginning to see the Stargate from behind him, his body becoming more translucent with every second that passed. My head whipped around and I gasped as I noticed that everyone in the gate room was just as transparent. My hands in front of my face, solid flesh and bone and whatever it was that I was made up of. My breathing became erratic as I looked around and saw my friends, my coworkers all disappear before my eyes.
My arms waved up to the command center, where no one sat, and I took off running out of the gate room down the halls shouting for anyone to hear me. Calling out for help, to no one. No call and response, no answer, not a soul. My hands slapped against the cold metal of the elevator button at the end of the hall, and although I felt the tension of plastic casing to metal home plate there was no electronic whir of the machinery sending something down to me.
I'm going to have to climb the stairs, all the stairs. My head flung over at the looking emergency stairwell and my body awkwardly followed as I began my ascent into the upper levels searching room by room for anyone, but nothing. Papers scattered on desks, half drank mugs of coffee, yet not a single life form. I was alone, again, except this time I had Daniel's promise that we would find each other ringing in my head.
How? How would he find me when no one was here? Why was I here alone? I would die regardless from the Ancient Library. My head was swirling as I ended up in General Hammond's office.
Stop, you're going to have a panic attack. I mentally attempting to reassure myself. Look at your environment. What do you see? Hammond's desk, I saw the red puckered leather chair, the one Daniel always said he was so surprised at how comfortable it was and I had never wanted to really touch. It had always felt sacred, and important. Now, with on one here, it felt cheap.
I saw an open package of peanut butter crackers. I reached for one of the crisped circles and took a bite, as much as my appetite was non existent I needed something to taste to ground myself. Okay, next, salty and smooth. Nutty and creamy. I swallowed the dry mush that had formed in my throat and continued. What do I hear? Nothing. Not the hum of the air conditioner, not the sound of the gate, not even a computer buzzing. I snapped close to my ear and heard the echoing bounce against my eardrum. That's covered, I feel, I reached down to run my hand over the lacquered desk and the smooth glossy texture slid under my fingertips. I grabbed my shirt and took in a whiff catching the heady smell of Daniel still residing against the fibers and my throat threatened to close again.
"He will come get me, easy enough. I just need to wait it out here." I reassured myself out loud just to hear something again. I grabbed a slip of paper and a marker from General Hammond's drawer and began writing.
‘Eleanor is in the SGC, if I’m not in the gate room, make a noise. I’m still here.’
I took the paper gingerly in hand as if it were some life preserver keeping my mind at bay, and some tape, and walked back down the gate room as I pulled a chair in front of the ramp taping the note to the back of the chair so it looked obvious to whoever came through. Just there, in the center of a cold empty room, sat a black rolling chair and plea for help.
There was no way of knowing when he would jump through for me, and chances are I'd need some rest, at some point. Maybe. I wasn't sure exactly how this worked. The only thing I was sure of was that I wouldn't leave the SGC unless absolutely necessary. I wouldn't risk missing him when he came, if he came.
No, he'll come. I thought to myself and said it aloud once more if only to convince myself. "He'll come."