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PORT ST. LUCIE, FLORIDA, USA
GREEN DOLPHIN STREET PRISON
For Anasui, the day started out boring as usual with the monotonous routines that came with being in prison. Wake up, get breakfast, stay out of trouble, go outside, get lunch, stay out of trouble...basically that idea, over and over and over again.
Then he spotted Jolyne on the other side of the cafeteria, and his morning suddenly got a hell of a lot better.
Slight problem: Ermes was with her. He wasn't in the mood for third-wheeling, so he opted for eavesdropping instead.
Jolyne wrinkled her nose. "I wish we could get some real coffee in this place," she remarked, squinting as she held her empty mug up to eye-level. "Blech."
"That's prison coffee for you," Ermes said dryly. "Not as bad as the toilet wine, but still pretty bad."
"It would be better if they knew what the fuck they were doing. There's still grounds in my cup. Not to mention it tastes burnt."
Ermes shrugged. "They probably left it on the brewer for too long."
"Yeah, maybe." Jolyne moved some hair out of her face. "They'd do a lot better if they put a cafe in here. Now that kind of coffee was amazing."
"Are you talking about Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, or...?"
Jolyne did a "so-so" gesture with her free hand. "Ehhh...I was thinking more along the lines of one of the smaller cafes. Local businesses, not the corporate coffee chains."
"Ahh, gotcha." Ermes pulled out a deck of cards. "Care to go for a round?"
"Sure." Jolyne put her mug back on the table. "What are we playing?"
"War."
Anasui did his best to make his eavesdropping a bit more subtle, leaning against the wall and sipping orange juice while making it look as though he was watching the game. He watched their cards, silently noting that the first suit to go to war was the Ace of Spades. It was unknown how much time had passed since the game had started, but the two women soon caught on to his presence.
"Hi, Anasui," Jolyne deadpanned, not looking up from her cards.
"Hi, darling," Anasui responded, smiling sweetly.
"Weirdo."
Ermes snorted. “Hey, dude. If you want her to even consider you, how about starting by finding a solution to one of her problems?”
Anasui blinked. “I’m listening.”
Judging by the shit-eating grin on the other inmate’s face, it was likely Ermes was either enjoying this or Anasui had walked right into some kind of trap. Maybe both. But for Jolyne…
He chanced a look in Jolyne’s direction, finding that she was also very intent on hearing what Ermes had to say.
Ermes stared Anasui dead in the eye. “I’m sure you heard about our coffee woes this morning.”
“You mean the crap that tastes like it should be a violation of the Eighth Amendment?” Anasui asked.
“That’s the one,” Ermes confirmed. “We want something better…and I think your expertise would come in handy. I dare you to make a coffee machine…without getting caught by the guards.”
Jolyne leaned back in her chair. “Given our luck? We’d be better off starting a riot than creating a prison cafe.”
Anasui moved some hair out of his face. “You talk like it’s a bad idea, my love.”
“Did you ever work in a coffee shop before you went psycho, Anasui?” Ermes asked dubiously.
“No,” he admitted, “but I am very familiar with how to take stuff apart and put it back together again.”
“Isn’t that how you ended up here?”
“Anyway,” Jolyne interrupted, putting herself between them. “I say we let him give it a shot.” Her beautiful green eyes glittered with mischief. “Unless neither of you want to bet on it.”
“Any amount of money will suffice for you, Jolyne,” Anasui responded.
“Ok…” She grinned. “Ermes?”
Ermes cracked her knuckles. “A bet, eh? Count me in.” She turned to Anasui. “If whatever contraption you manage to come up with somehow works and if—and only if—the coffee tastes good, I’ll cough up $500. But, if it fails, you cough up the $500.”
“I like that idea,” Jolyne replied. “But I’m gonna add on to that a bit.”
Anasui smiled. “State your terms, Jolyne. I’ll obey them.”
Ermes gave him a disgusted look. “Get a life.”
“She is my life,” Anasui retorted.
Jolyne groaned. “Yare yare dawa. Pay attention, because I’m only going to say this once.”
Both of them redirected their attention her way.
“If the machine works,” she continued, “but the coffee only tastes bad because nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing, both of you have to cough up $250 per additional attempt…” Jolyne gestured to herself. “To moi.”
Ermes’ jaw dropped.
“Anything for you, darling,” Anasui responded excitedly.
Ermes sighed. “Fine. I accept.” She gave Anasui a stern look. “But if you get caught, the bet is off.”
“I won’t get caught.”
“I’m gonna hold you to that.”
The two went back to their card game, and Anasui decided to let them be. He walked over to the other side of the wall, leaning against it as reality hit him that he could be in way over his head. “I’m going to need some help with this.”
A FEW HOURS LATER, IN THE GHOST ROOM…
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Emporio queried.
Anasui shrugged. “If I don’t, there’s always YouTube.” He blinked. “Do you get WiFi in here?”
“I don’t think my Stand came with Internet.”
“Can you get a router?”
Emporio frowned. “Theoretically. But it’ll be risky.”
Anasui folded his arms. "How about the warden?"
The younger Stand user snorted. "$500, and you've got a deal."
Five hundred bucks? Then again, Anasui knew what he was getting into. "Cheeky brat," he muttered under his breath, coughing up a stack of $20s that he had hidden in one of his pockets.
I haven’t even started, and I’m already losing money.
But it’s for Jolyne. I have to bear it.
Emporio vanished, returning about half an hour or so later with a plastic bag in his hands.
"How'd it go?" Anasui asked.
Emporio emptied the bag and held up a shiny-looking WiFi router in response. "It was a bit easier than I'd expected; apparently he ordered it from Best Buy and was going to return it because it was the wrong model." He grinned. "It's mine now."
"Nice." Anasui stretched. "I'll be right back."
He exited the ghost room, eventually locating his quarry over by the courtyard. "Hey, Weather Report. You got a sec?"
Weather gave him an annoyed look. "Only if you want to die, you pink-haired psychopath."
"Ha ha, hilarious." Anasui leaned over, whispering his plan to woo Jolyne in the other Stand user's ear.
“Ok, wait,” Weather said, evidently processing just how crazy this whole situation was. "Run that by me again?"
It took a few days of tinkering in the ghost room, most of which was spent helping Weather steal machine parts from various corners of the prison and looking up tutorials on YouTube via a laptop that one of the other inmates had smuggled in—not to mention losing another $300 as hush money in the process—but Anasui was eventually able to make a relatively innocuous manual espresso machine that he was satisfied with without the guards suspecting a thing. All it needed now was a test run.
"You think this'll work?" Weather asked.
"It will," Anasui said firmly. "It has to."
For Jolyne, it MUST. There's no question about it.
“If you say so,” Emporio responded. He gestured to the MacGyvered espresso machine. “Any ideas as to what you’ll call this masterpiece?”
“Masterpiece? More like a bucket of bolts,” Weather muttered under his breath, though Anasui pretended not to hear it. It took a moment, but he settled on the memory of the card game that had led to this whole experience.
"I've got one," Anasui responded. "I call it...the Ace of Spades."
Anasui cornered Jolyne and Ermes in the cafeteria after dinner that evening, pulling them away from a conversation with F.F. to inform them that he had a surprise for the two of them in the ghost room. The plankton, however, wasn't about to let them go so easily. "Where are you all going?"
"Anasui said he had something to show us," Jolyne explained.
F.F.'s eyes lit up. "Really? Can I see?"
"The more, the merrier," Anasui responded. It'll be even better if I don't have to cough up any more money.
"Awesome!"
"So what is this big surprise, Anasui?" Jolyne queried.
“I spent a good portion of my free time the past few days building the Ace of Spades in Emporio’s room,” Anasui said proudly.
“The what?”
He winked. “You’ll see.”
“I have a bad feeling about this,” Ermes muttered.
They arrived at the ghost room several minutes later, finding Weather Report and Emporio waiting for them. The space had been transformed into a cafe-like environment, with a couple of tables and several chairs near the piano. Weather had stolen most of the furniture during the tinkering process, but Anasui had no idea if he had lost any money in bribes for it or not.
“What is this?” Jolyne asked curiously. “More importantly…what is it that I’m supposed to be looking at?”
Anasui grinned, gesturing to the MacGyvered—and very much illegal—espresso machine next to the piano. “Ta-da!”
"You actually did it," Ermes remarked, surprised.
"Were there any doubts?" Anasui quipped.
F.F. pointed to the Ace of Spades. "What is that bucket of bolts?"
"That, my dear plankton, is an espresso machine," Anasui replied.
"...I'm lost."
"It's a machine that makes a certain type of coffee," Jolyne explained.
"Is it like that god-awful prison coffee?"
"I sincerely hope not."
Anasui started the first batch, handing samples out to everyone. He downed his cup, shuddering at the bitter taste. He glanced up at the others, finding mixed reactions on their faces. "Well? How does it taste?"
"Like regret," Weather deadpanned.
Anasui turned, waiting to hear from the one person who mattered most in this endeavor. "Jolyne?"
“It’s…alright,” she said slowly.
The look on her face said otherwise.
“You don’t like it,” Anasui responded, disappointed.
“I mean…” Jolyne sighed. “It’s not good. But it’s a lot better than the prison coffee, by a long shot.”
“It’s not just you,” Weather added. “Something tastes a bit off about it.”
Anasui frowned. “It does?”
F.F. shrugged. "Tastes fine to me."
Ermes raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you did this right?”
“Pretty sure I did,” Anasui responded. “It’s coffee. I made coffee.”
“What you made was bean water!”
“It’s still caffeinated,” Emporio pointed out. “I think. Let me try some more.”
“Absolutely not,” Ermes retorted. “You’re only how old? Ten, eleven-ish? I wouldn’t advise you drinking this stuff…even if he didn’t fuck it up.”
“I nabbed some decaf from the kitchen while y'all were gone earlier,” Weather suggested.
“I said no.”
“Come on,” Anasui implored. “Let Emporio have the decaf.”
"I already had the caffeinated stuff," Emporio protested.
"And you don't need any more of it," Ermes rebuked. "You'll be so damn hyper it's not funny."
Jolyne placed her mug on the piano seat. “I’m fine with it.”
F.F. snorted. "With what?" they asked. "Emporio being hyper, or him having the decaf?"
"The second one."
Anasui nodded, satisfied. “That settles it.”
“Oh, that’s it?” Ermes protested, annoyed. “You’re a homicidal maniac, but the minute Jolyne makes a decision about something you seem to lose all willingness to think for yourself?”
Yeah, but that’s my prerogative. “Your point?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Emporio said hastily, effectively ending the conversation before murder ensued. “I’ll take the decaf.”
Ermes groaned, acquiescing. “All right. Whatever.”
The next attempt was only slightly less disastrous.
"I don't think it's the machine," Emporio remarked.
Ermes glanced at Anasui skeptically. "It's either that, or it's the person who created it. This still tastes like watered down beans."
Anasui glared at her, but said nothing. Instead, he spent the next several seconds staring at Jolyne, lost in her beauty as she tasted the apparent failure of his creative—
"Hello? Earth to Anasui?"
Anasui blinked, returning to reality to find her giving him a beautifully annoyed look. "Yes, my love?"
Jolyne rolled her eyes. "I said, did you grind the beans?"
Grind the…
"You were supposed to grind them?" he realized, voice tinged with embarrassment.
"Uh, yeah."
“Remind me to never let you in a kitchen,” Ermes muttered.
Anasui shot her a dirty look. Weather Report, on the other hand, summoned his Stand, which then ground both the caffeinated and decaffeinated beans into powder with its bare hands.
“Is that what it’s supposed to look like?” Anasui asked.
Jolyne shrugged. “Well, there’s one way to find out.”
Anasui tested out the next batch, handing out samples and waiting with bated breath for their opinions.
"This is...interesting," F.F. remarked, looking at their cup. "It's smooth."
“It’s amazing,” Jolyne said approvingly.
Anasui exhaled. Finally. Something she likes. “I’m glad.” He turned to Ermes, grinning smugly. "See? I told you I could do it."
The other inmate held out a hand in front of her in a placating gesture. "Yeah, yeah, I believe you. Try not to stoke your ego too much."
"Hey!"
Jolyne held out a hand. “Speaking of egos...that’ll be $1500, please. From both of you.”
Oh yeah. There was a bet, wasn't there?
Anasui reached into his pockets, handing a large stack of bills to Jolyne. Ermes was a bit more reluctant to do so, but she also surrendered her own stack of money.
"As soon as we get out of here, the first thing I'm going to do is hit a legit cafe and get something good to drink," she remarked.
"What's the second thing?" Emporio asked.
"Tequila."
"Nice! Can I join—"
"NO!"
"You've got to wait another ten years," Jolyne said gently. "Adult beverage."
"...Oh." Emporio shrugged. "I'll just stick with decaf, then."
"That's more like it."
"Hold up," F.F. began. "What's tequila, and why can't he have it?" they asked defensively, gesturing to Emporio.
"Do you know what alcoholic beverages are?" Jolyne asked.
"...No?" The plankton placed a hand on their hip. "Do they have water in them?"
"Uhhh..."
Ermes sighed. "You and I are going to have a chat. Come on."
"But—"
"I said come on, Foo Fighters."
Ermes guided the plankton to a table by the corner, coffee mugs in tow. Jolyne and Emporio joined them, though Anasui stayed behind with Weather Report. He knew he was missing out on a good chance to hang out with Jolyne, but he wasn't really in the mood for listening to a crash course on booze at the moment.
I lost a whole $2300 for this.
Oh, well.
So long as Jolyne’s happy.
"Do you think I've got a chance with her?" Anasui asked.
Weather shrugged. "Hell if I know. But still..." He glanced down at his mug, nodding approvingly. "We did a damn good job."