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Eloise rang the doorbell of her brother and best friend’s townhouse. She knew Penelope was visiting Felicity, but Eloise was here to see her brother. They hadn’t had time for themselves in over a year, and she needed to pick his brain about a thing or two. Thankfully, she brought him some lunch to get him to help.
Colin came to the door. “El! Hi,” he smiled and opened the door. “Pen isn’t here—“
“I know. I came to see you.” She said as she went inside and held up some takeaway.
He looked at her, slightly surprised. “You did?”
“Yeah. Am I not allowed to visit my third favorite brother?”
“I guess so. It’s been a while since you and I hung out without Pen,” He said, following her inside.
“I know. I realized when one of those memory things popped up on my phone. Although, actually, I think the very last time we “hung” out was when Pen absconded to Daph’s when she was mad at you.”
Colin made a face. “Yeah. I think so.” He motioned to the bags she was carrying. “Whatcha got there?”
“Lunch from Nono’s.” She said.
“Oooh. Trying to butter me up?” He led her to a table and grabbed a pitcher of water.
“No,” Eloise said unconvincingly as she set the bag of food on the table.
“You know,” he said as he took out the food. He inhaled one of the bowls and grinned. “I already know you live out in Gloucestershire, officially.”
Eloise groaned. “Ugh, I knew she would tell you.”
“She didn’t mean to.” Colin shook her head.
She looked at him in disbelief.
“She didn’t. Blame the baby brain. We were just talking, and it slipped out, and she felt really bad, and she'd be pissed if she knew I was teasing you about it.” Colin opened his bowl. “So don’t tell her.”
“Is that really a thing? Baby brain?”
“Oh yeah. Last week, we ordered takeaway. She placed the order twice. She forgot she had already placed it.”
“That’s concerning. She’s so on top of everything.”
“The doctor said it was normal. I was slightly concerned, too, but apparently, building a human from scratch takes a lot.”
“Well, fine, I won’t be mad at her.” She paused. “Are you mad at me?”
“For what?”
“Moving?” She was trying to decide where to tuck in first.
“No. Are you happy? You and Phill have been together for way longer than Pen and I.”
“Please,” she finally grabbed some food. “No one has been together longer than you and Pen.”
“I told you that we weren’t together when we told the family we were. We didn’t really start dating until a month or so after that, and you and Phil have easily 2 years on us.”
“When I was pulling video and photos for your wedding, I don’t know why I hadn’t noticed it before, but you were together even if you weren’t together .“
“Is this what you came to tell me?” He looked at her pointedly.
“No, actually.” She said and exhaled. “You proposed after 8 months.”
“I was there.” He nodded.
She rolled her eyes. “Forget it. Maybe you’re not the person I should be asking.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what you’re trying to get at.” Colin tilted his head at her. Trying to figure out what had her in such a state.
She hesitated before saying. “I think Phil is going to propose.”
“Okay?”
“Why aren’t you surprised!”
“Because you’ve been together for what, 3 or 4 years? You’ve been living together for at least six months. It’s been forever. Amanda and Oliver are my niece and nephew.”
She exhaled and rubbed her face. “It just seems like a huge deal.”
“It is.” he shrugged.
Eloise rubbed her face. He really wasn’t being helpful at all. “You just knew with Pen.”
“I don’t know exactly how much Pen has shared with you, but she and I didn’t have it easy . I know it may seem like that, but I told her I was in love with her after a month of not even really dating. And she spent the next 4-5 months trying to convince me I was crazy.”
“What?”
“Yeah, and the irony was that she was trying to use tropes in my own book to tell me that I wasn’t in love with her.”
Eloise made a yikes face and laughed. “You have tropes that could have proved you didn’t love her in your soft porn books?”
Colin pointed at her seriously. “Again, it was only soft porn when we made fun of Pen for reading them, not when I admitted to writing them.”
Eloise laughed.
“And no, not really, but she convinced herself there were. And then we had that fight you so graciously brought up. It brought up a lot that we had to work through.”
“Which you did because you got married like six months later.”
“Okay, but as I already said, we are not the norm. I still don’t know why you’re trying to draw parallels between you and Phil and me and Pen.”
“I’m thinking you knew within a few months, and it’s been years for Phil and me. What if he’s just comfortable? He’s settled, and he has the kids. He probably doesn’t want to start over with someone new. I’ve been around, and I know the kids, and they like me well enough. Their school has my information to call if anything happens.“
“Do you not want to marry him?” Colin interrupted. “Is living together not going well?”
“Living together is great.” She shook her head. “It’s not that. I just always thought marriage wasn’t for me. I never even thought I would be in a long-term relationship, let alone be with someone with kids.”
“Have you talked about it with him?” Colin asked.
“No.”
“Well, I don’t think it's fair to anyone to compare my relationship with Pen with any other couple. Let alone you and Phil, but you really should talk to him.”
“Did you and Pen talk about getting engaged?”
Colin nodded. “Yeah, I told her I had a ring and asked if she would say yes if I proposed.”
Eloise rolled her eyes.“You pre-proposed?”
“I guess.” He shrugged and ate.
‘What if she said no?”
“I would have probably made an excuse and cried in a corner, but then I would have tried to figure out why. I honestly wasn’t planning on proposing when I proposed. It just felt right. I carried the ring around for weeks, trying to find the most romantic moment. Have you and Phil honestly never talked about marriage before?”
“I mean early on? When we were just emailing and messaging. We talked about where we wanted a relationship to go. I said I wasn’t looking for marriage, just companionship, and he said he felt similarly.”
“And nothing since?”
“No.”
He rolled his eyes at her. “You have to talk to him about it!” She sighed. “Wait, why do you think he might if you haven’t spoken about it?”
Eloise shrugged. “He’s been talking a lot about your dumb wedding and how nice it was.”
“Thanks,” Colin said lazily. “That’s what we were going for ‘dumb.’”
She tutted. “You know what I mean. Also, we got a wedding invitation from the twins' aunt. Their mom’s sister and she addressed it to Phillip and Eloise Crane, and he said that it was ‘nice.’”
“OH, I see the spiral now.”
“I am not spiraling!"
“You are.”
“How!”
“You’re realizing you’re already married. Even without the ceremony. I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t want you to spiral, but I see you are already here.”
“What do you mean?”
“You said it yourself: you’re living together, it's going well. You are the kids’ mother. You have been in all the ways and even at school. They probably call you first before they call him if anything happens to them.”
“I’m more available.” She tried to argue.
“Mmhmm, and now even the other side of their family has accepted you as being a part of their lives, and you’re freaking out. You should talk with him. I think even though you have always been scared that getting married would stifle your independence, you’re realizing it doesn’t at all.”
Eloise pouted. “Doesn’t it?”
“My wife isn’t here." He motioned around. "She actually has been gone all day.” He frowned.
“Gross. You miss her.”
“Of course, I miss my wife.” He laughed. “Don’t you miss Phil when you haven’t seen him in a while?”
Eloise made a face. “Sometimes I miss him and he’s just out at his greenhouses. Like he’s on the property, and I just want to see him.” Colin grinned at her. “Okay, I hate you. I’m never asking for your advice again.”
“Oh my god, Eloise. You’re getting married.” He squealed.
“Shut up!”
“Eloise and Phillip sitting in a tree.” He sang loudly.
“I miss your wife. You need supervision.”
“K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
“I’m going to punch you in the stomach and take back all that lunch you just ate that I bought you.”
“First comes loooooooveeee.”
“That’s it! I like Anthony more than you. You are my fourth favorite brother.”
“Then comes twinssss, and then comes mawaige.” He sang, giving his best impression of the priest in The Princess Bride.
“I’m calling Penelope and telling her you made me cry for moving to Gloucestershire."
Colin tapped the table. “Don’t you fucking dare. She might believe that!”
“Oh, she definitely will.” Eloise started to hyperventilate and blink to bring tears up.
"Ugh, I hate when you make yourself cry. We used to get in so much trouble with Dad!”
Eloise sniffled. “And then he said— he said I was so selfish for moving away.” She pretended to cry some more.
“Okay! Enough.” She saw him look around as if somehow Penelope could materialize in thin air. “Her moods have been all over the place. It’s a little damned if I do damned if I don’t right now. Last night, she said the way I breathed annoyed her, and when I asked her what I could do to help? She told me to stop. Just stop. She wanted me to stop breathing.”
Eloise burst out laughing at him and blotted her fake tears. “For what it’s worth, she does feel bad about that, even though she wishes you’d be less annoying.”
“Thanks?” Colin said.
Eloise smiled innocently, and Colin exhaled. They settled into eating quietly for a while.
“Do you think everyone else would be happy?” Eloise asked suddenly.
“You know as much as all of you say that Penelope and I were together for years. Phil was inducted into their Bridgerton Significant Others Support group way before Pen.”
“What?”
“Their little group chat? We have one with all the sibs and then all the sibs and our partners. They have a third just for them.”
“They let him in before her? But she’s been in the ABC and Significant Others chat before him. ”
“Well, yeah, because I added her to that before you started dating Phil, and it was easier so she could come to Aubrey Hall for the holidays.”
“And you weren’t secretly dating for just a teeny bit before she dated Alfie?”
“Who?”
Eloise rolled her eyes. “Pingu.”
“No.” He shook his head.
Eloise sighed and played with her food. “What if I’m wrong and he’s not thinking about it?”
“But what if you’re right?”
Eloise groaned and threw a napkin at him.
He laughed and looked at his phone as it started to ring.
There were not many reasons why Penelope would agree to meet someone at 10:30 a.m. when she was five months pregnant and really enjoyed the comfort and warmth of her bed, but Phillip asked for her assistance, and Phillip was an extension of her best friend, Eloise, whom she would do anything for.
She met him at Boodles and was immediately glad that her rings were inherited from the Bridgerton collection. There were just so many to choose from. She had searched their website in the Uber, and she had an idea of what she would suggest, but she wanted to see what he was leaning towards. She saw him already peering at the case with the sapphires and smiled.
“Hey!” She said.
He turned. “Penelope.” He hugged her. “Thank you for meeting with me. How are you feeling?”
“Good, thanks. I’m still taking a ton of naps throughout the day, but I’m getting my appetite back. For a long while, I couldn’t really eat anything, which, of course, had Colin worried.”
Phillip nodded. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s amazing. I’m just a monster to him sometimes, and then after a few hours, I hear how I sound and have to apologize.”
Phillip laughed. “I doubt you’re a monster.”
“No, I am. I told him last night he should stop breathing because it annoyed me.”
Phillip laughed again. “Misophonia is actually common.”
Penelope shook her head. “He’s a saint, and this might be our only kid because I can’t get it together. I doubt he’ll want to do it all again.”
“Now I know that’s not true.”
Penelope turned to the jewelry case. “You’re looking at the sapphires.” She had been looking at the same collection.
“I thought she might like the blue. Is that wrong? Should I just go with the clear?” She heard the panic in his voice as he turned to the other cases.
“No,” She tugged him so he could turn back to the case in front of them. “ I actually was looking at the sapphires in the cab over, too. I think you’re right. She’ll like the blue.”
Phil nodded and inhaled deeply.
“I didn’t know that you guys were talking about marriage. I mean, it makes sense you’re going to have been together for 4 years in a month.”
Phil bit his lip. “We haven’t talked about it exactly. I mean, you know how she feels about it. I’ve been trying to get her to talk about it, but she kind of shuts down.”
“But I thought you were going to buy a ring?” She asked, confused.
“Oh, I am. I mean, I know it’s labeled as an engagement ring, but I can just give it to her as a commitment ring, right?
Penelope narrowed her eyes. “I’m confused about what you think the difference is.”
“Well, you know her. She thinks that marriage will mean she loses herself, which you haven’t lost yourself. I’m hoping she’ll see that eventually. But I want her to have a ring so she knows and others will know how much she means to me. I want her to feel secure but also not stifled.”
“How has she shut you down when talking about marriage?”
“Well, the twins' aunt is getting married, and they are going to be in the wedding. They think it’s a job now, by the way. Two weddings in mere months. Amanda is telling everyone she’s a professional flower girl.”
Penelope laughed.
“But well, they sent the invite to Phillip and Eloise Crane, and she kind of shut down. I told her that I thought it was nice, and she didn’t really say anything. She just nodded and walked away. I get it because why would she? I haven't exactly been clear on where I thought– where I hope we are going.”
“So you’re going to clear things up by giving her an engagement ring and not calling it an engagement ring?”
“Well, when you put it that way–” he exhaled. “Has she told you she still doesn’t want to get married?” Penelope could tell he hoped she had good news for him.
Penelope exhaled. “No. I know she’s very happy. Living full time with you and the kids, and she loves all of you a lot.” Penelope narrowed her eyes at him. “You really haven’t talked about this at all?”
“Did you and Collin talk about marriage before he proposed?”
“Yes, a lot! He even pre-proposed.”
“What’s that?”
“He asked if he were to propose if I was at a place where I could say yes. “
“He’s much stronger than I am. I can’t ask her that. She’ll just remind me she was only in for ‘companionship,’ and then she’ll probably make an excuse to where she needs to be here in London for a week or so.” He shuddered at the thought.
Penelope recognized the start of a spiral when she heard one. She tried to stop it in its place. “What ring were you thinking?”
“Something simple. I have narrowed it down to two. But do you think a ring is the move, or should I get something like a bracelet?”
“No, you’re getting a ring.” She tapped the case.
“Okay.” Philip motioned to the attendant, and they showed her the two rings. They both said Eloise in different ways. Penelope smiled at him.
“Are they good? At first, I was thinking of this sapphire trilogy. It’s like her and the kids, but I really like this cupid one because the two on the sides look like leaves.”
“I think the cupid.” She nodded.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
Phillip exhaled. “Okay. I was nervous. I thought maybe you would tell me it was a bad idea.”
“I think it’s great. I do think maybe you should clarify your intentions with her. I don’t think she’s against marriage as she purports herself to be, especially after these last 7 months of you living together.”
“The kids want to call her Mum.”
“Do they?”
“They asked me if it was okay, and I talked around it a little and told them we were going to make it a thing. I didn’t want to overwhelm her. I want to talk to her, too. I don’t know if she would want that.”
“She’s been referring to them as her twins for months, if not a year.”
“Has she?” He said, surprised.
“Jeez, you know the family complains that Colin and I didn’t communicate early on. But you and Eloise are really flying under the radar.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I think your communication has been really good since you got back together last year,” Phillip said.
“Back together? I don’t really count the 19 hours I stood at Daphne’s as a breakup. It was really me just having a meltdown.”
He looked at her, confused. “No, I mean you and Colin getting back together after you dumped the penguin guy.”
“Colin and I were never together before Pingu.”
“Yeah, you were. We double-dated all the time.”
“No, we didn’t.” She shook her head. “We were just best friends hanging out with their other best friend, Eloise, and her boyfriend.”
“That’s fake.”
Penelope laughed. “I’m serious.”
It was Phillip’s turn to narrow his eyes at her. “So you just hooked up whenever he was in town?”
“No, never. I mean, besides the last year, of course, when we started dating.”
“Wait, so how long were you together for real? Before he proposed?”
“Seven months? And we got married seven months later? I wanted us to cross the year threshold at least. But it also had to do mostly with what was available for the venue.”
“That’s not real! Simon and I talk about it all the time! He said Colin and you were dating when he was sneaking around with Daphne. And we joke that it’s because they are twins and both had to hook up with their siblings' best friends.”
Penelope gasped. “Oh my god. They did! I never realized that.”
Phillip laughed. He looked back at the ring. “So, is this the right choice?” He asked her again.
“I think this is it.” She smiled.
Phillip nodded to the jeweler. “Thanks for helping. Whatever you need, it’s yours.”
“How about a ride to my sister’s flat?” Penelope asked.
“Done,” He said with a smile.
With the twins visiting their maternal family for the week, it was the first time in a long time that Eloise and Phil were alone. Of course, they went to dinner and other places alone all the time, but it was a different story at home. Eloise set down her keys, frowning at the silence.
“Hey,” Phil said, startling her. “Sorry.”
Eloise exhaled and turned around into him. “No, I just thought you were outside.”
“I was.” He smiled at her. “I heard you come up the drive. Did you have fun with Colin and Pen?”
“I did but it was just Col. Pen was with her sister. Colin and I haven’t had just brother and sister time in a while.”
“Oh, I’m glad.” He kissed her.
She smiled. “It’s quiet.”
“You must be glad.”
“No,” she said quickly. “You know I like the noise. I mean, I grew up in a house with seven siblings. Our volume at gatherings isn’t new. Are you, though?” She rubbed his arm. She knew that sometimes he got overwhelmed by her family gatherings.
“No, I miss them too.” He looked at her, and she couldn’t understand his expression.
“Have you eaten?” She asked.
“Just a small lunch. I thought maybe we could cook something together.” Phil suggested.
Eloise smiled.
They spent many nights cooking together as a family of four. It was something they did when Eloise was first introduced to the children. She wasn’t the best cook when they started dating, but Phil and the children taught her a lot.
Out of habit, Eloise moved one of their kitchen helper towers to the counter.
“Hon, no kids.” Phil reminded her as he rubbed her back.
“Oh right,” she laughed. “Sorry, I’m just used to it.” She was in her head. Colin said she should talk with him about the prospect of marriage. But she really couldn’t just bring it up out of nowhere.
Phillip took out their supplies and set them out on the counter. Eloise grabbed a couple of vegetables and started to chop them. Phillip walked around behind her and put his hands over hers. “You seem distracted. Are you sure things went well today?”
Eloise nodded. “Sorry, I guess I am in my head.”
“Do you want to talk to me about it?” He asked.
She let go of the knife and shrugged. “I don’t know where to begin.”
“Sweets,” he whispered into her ear. She inhaled and turned to face him. She looked at him and then looked down.
“I do have something I want to discuss with you.” He said, "But if you want to go first with what’s bothering you.” She shook her head. “Okay.” He exhaled.
God, what could have made him so nervous?
“I did want to talk to you while the kids weren’t home.”
She gulped. It would make sense if he wanted to change the status of their relationship. He wouldn’t want to do it while the kids were home. She shifted.
“A few weeks ago, the twins,” He began. She couldn’t concentrate on the rest of what he was saying. Was he going to say the twins realized they hated her? He sent them to their aunt’s so they wouldn’t be around when she moved out. She looked at him, and he looked at her expectantly. She hadn’t heard a word he said. She blinked.
“If you don’t want that. I’d understand. Maybe we can talk with them and come up with an alternative.” Phillip moved away from her. “Something that would make you – all of you– feel good. There’s no handbook for this sort of thing. Or maybe there is?” He looked away, and she thought she heard him say, “I should have asked Penelope about a book on that.”
She looked at him, confused. “Sorry. I know this doesn’t make sense, but I didn’t hear anything after you said a few weeks ago. Did you ask me something?”
He turned to her. “You didn’t hear me? Are you feeling okay, Sweets?”
She shrugged. “Can you say it again? I promise I will try to focus and not be in my head.”
“A few weeks ago, the twins came to me and asked me if they would be allowed to call you Mum. I told them I wanted to talk with you first. I wanted to make sure it was something you were comfortable with, but if you’re not, we can maybe come up with something that all three of you would be happy with.” He explained again.
They wanted to call her Mum. She inhaled. She was going to cry. She felt like their Mum for a long time. Colin even said earlier that she was their Mum. It was true that she was the only Mum they had ever known too. Their Mum had died of complications from their birth, and Phil raised them alone until he met her when they were about to turn three. She really did want that, but she always wanted Phillip to want her. She wanted him to want her not just because she was their mother but because she was his. She really wanted him to ask her to marry her. As important as this was, she still didn’t know if he loved her for her or because she was their mother. She couldn’t keep her tears from falling.
Phillip shifted. “Eloise?”
She exhaled. “I would love that.” She saw him exhale. “But.” She saw him tense again. “I want to get married.” He blinked at her. “ Actually, I want you to want to marry me, and not just because of the mother I can be to our kids, but because you love me and you’re in love with me.” She looked away from him. “ I’m not sure it’ll be okay for them to call me Mum if we aren’t heading to that place, and I know that might not sound fair. Because we had said at the beginning that marriage wasn’t what either of us wanted, it seems like I am suddenly changing the rules.” She looked up at him. She couldn’t read his expression. “I don’t mean for it to sound like an ultimatum. I just don’t think it's fair to them either.”
Phillip walked out of the room.
She blinked. He walked out of the room. She felt a sob escape her, and she fell to the floor. He walked out. He didn’t want that. Everyone always told her she was a talker. She was always too direct. Why didn’t she take more time? Why did she have to give him an ultimatum? He didn’t deserve that. The kids didn’t deserve them. She probably could be their Mum regardless, but now, because she never thinks. She never takes a breath.
Phillip returned to the room, saw her on the floor, and hurried over to her. “Eloise? Are you okay? Why are you on the floor?”
She looked up at him. “You walked out. You’re not in love with me. I pushed too much. I’m asking for too much.” She sobbed.
“Eloise, I need you to shut up.” He cupped her face, and she looked at him stunned. “Baby, I love you. I’m so in love with you. Not just because of the mother you are to our kids but because of the woman you are. You fight for marginalized people and your mind.” He kissed her forehead. “Your mind often gets you in trouble, but I love that too. I’ve seen you be a wonderful daughter, sister, and friend. You’re a wonderful mother and wife.” He kissed her on the lips. “I would love nothing more than to make it official.”
She sniffled. “Are you for real?”
He nodded. “I told you I was coming back.”
“I didn’t hear that.”
“I’m a little concerned about your hearing right now because you’ve been having a hard time since you got home.”
She shook her head. “My thoughts have just been loud.” She smiled a little. “It helped when you told them to shut up.”
He laughed. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “You mean it?” She needed to make sure.
He nodded. He tugged something on the floor, and it was the first time she noticed that he had a small tote bag. She looked at him.
He exhaled. “I didn’t want to do this on our kitchen floor, but I do like that we are in the kitchen. I feel like cooking with you and the kids.” He smiled. “One of the first times the four of us did, I think I knew then that I wanted to marry you.”
She sniffled. “You did?”
He nodded. “I think about it all the time. I’ve been thinking about it a lot more now. I was hoping you were coming around to the idea.”
She nodded and used her sleeve to wipe her tears.
He moved the bag to her lap, and she covered his hands with hers to stop him from opening it. He looked up at her. She looked at him and exhaled. “I—” She exhaled. “I think I want more kids.” Hell, she just has to put it all out there now. “I know that’s scary for you because of what happened last time, and I don’t think it's a deal breaker for me, but I want to talk about it at least.”
He nodded and kissed her. He pulled away. “I want to talk about getting a dog.” She laughed. “Seriously, I think we need one. Not one of those little ones that fit in purses either. A healthy, big one. Like a Saint Bernard or a Bernese Mountain Dog."
She laughed again and nodded. “I tell you I may want to have a baby, and you counter with a dog.”
He shook his head. “It’s not a counter. It’s in addition to.” He looked into her eyes. “In addition to having more kids. I think we should get a dog.”
She smiled and nodded. “Okay.”
He took a small box from the Boodles tote bag and looked at her. She gasped and looked at him.
He looked at her. “Eloise Ophelia Bridgerton.”
She smiled. He once asked her what the “O” on her suitcase stood for, and she had told him it was just an “O.” “Who told you my real middle name?”
“Well, I asked your brothers, and then they all told me the O stood for Oregano.”
She laughed. “Those bastards used to tell me that all the time when I was a kid.”
“Well, as a botanist, I thought that was great, but I did ask your mother, and she told me your real name.” He rubbed her cheek. She smiled.
“Eloise Ophelia Bridgerton, would you do me the great honor of being my wife?” He opened the ring box, and she gasped again. It was perfect. She wrapped her arms around and kissed him hard. He ended up on his back on the kitchen floor. He kissed her back, moaning. “Mmm, Sweets. Is that a yes?”
She laughed from her position over him and nodded. He slipped the ring on her finger. She wiggled her fingers. “How did you know my size? It’s perfect.”
“Penelope helped me this morning. I knew you weren’t with her because she was with me, and I dropped her off at her sister’s before coming home. I just had to pretend I didn’t know that when you said you went over.”
Eloise smiled and kissed him again. “I love you.”
He looked up at her. “I love you.”