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“Hey, why did Lucas call for a press conference?” Timon’s confused voice rang out in the lobby. Norwegians that were gathered, some sitting on the couches, others standing, looked to Timon as he entered. Atle looked from his place at the artificial fire pit to Timon as confusion spread through the room. Alexander was the first to turn from Timon to Atle. It didn’t take long for everyone else to follow.
“Atle. Do you know?” Atle thought Henrik asked the question, but to be honest, since Timon asked, Atle’s world was a bit foggy.
“What? I- I, no- I don’t… I don’t know.” Atle stuttered out, his thoughts racing. Why would Lucas call for a press conference a day before the first race of the season? Why would he call for a press conference at all? Why didn’t he tell him? Atle started at his phone in his hands as others turned around and started whispering amongst themselves. He picked up his phone and opened his and Lucas’s messages. The last message was Lucas asking Atle to bring him some toothpaste, his running out and Atle was shopping anyway. Atle typed a new message. He watched as his fingers twitched ever so slightly and his leg kept bouncing.
To Lucas:
Hey, what’s with the press conference?
13.45
He watched as the message sent. He waited for it to change from sent to seen. But he never had the chance to see it as a person tapped on his shoulder. He switched off his phone and turned around startled, only to see Marco Oderrmatt standing behind him, looking as equally confused as everyone around him.
“Do you kno-” Atle knew what he was about to ask and he has had enough. He was as confused as they were, for fuck sake.
“No. I don’t fucking know.” Atle watched as Marco’s face turned sour. He watched as everyone’s heads snapped up to them engulfing the lobby in complete silence. Atle felt trapped. He needed some air. So he ran out of the lobby, through the hotel door and out to fresh air. The fresh air of the mountains wrapped around his lungs he felt like he could breathe. He leaned up to the hotel wall and closed his eyes. What was Lucas doing? Why was he doing it? Fuck. He briefly opened his eyes to check his phone. He was disappointed to see it still being stuck on sent. Goddammit! Atle leaned his head back on the brick wall of the hotel and felt its rough surface scratching his scalp. He let out a few low breaths, before he felt someone join him. He opened his eyes and looked to his right, head still leaning on the wall. He saw Timon mirror his position, except that he was looking straight ahead. He looked as lost as him.
“I’m sorry.” Atle was the first to break the silence. He turned away from Timon. Timon sighed.
“I know. Its alright. Everyone gets it.”
Atles silent rage at being left out, at Lucas, at everyone thinking he had the answers, was slowly fading and being replaced by a feeling of dread. He and Timon stayed outside for a little while, before Atle felt shivers run through his body. Timon was already pushing off the wall.
“We should head back inside. We don’t wanna miss what our boy has to say now, do we?” Timon turned to look at Atle. Atle sighed.
“Yeah…” He looked at the ground, but followed Timon back inside.
Everyone was gathered around the fire pit, watching something on a laptop. No one heard them come in or closer. Atle walked to the back of the couch and froze when he saw Lucas. He was sitting behind the press table, microphones positioned in front of him. Lucas was crying. He was close enough to hear the last few sentences.
“For all the love you’ve given me, since the day I came here.” A pause, Atle kept watching, frozen to the spot. “And every time I’ve been on that start gate, I gave it everything I have, to give all that love back to you. So thank you for that and that’s it from me. I’m out.”
Atle felt his world shattering. The saliva in his mouth dried up and he had difficulty swallowing. His eyes welled up with tears. He looked down at his hands and saw them shaking. A hand landed on his shoulder, touching with such care, as though he might break. Which he just might. Atle suddenly felt furious. Did Lucas not value their friendship, everything they’ve been through? Why did he let Atle know at the same time as everyone else? Did Atle mean anything to him? He shook off the hand on his shoulder and walked out of the lobby to the elevator. He didn’t turn around to watch everyone’s concerned faces watch him walk away, to see the sadness of Alexander and Henrik and he didn’t see the pity on Timon’s face, his hand still held up in the air where it previously rested on Atle shoulder.
Atle watched as the elevator doors closed and his hands balled up in fists and back to normal. He pulled out his phone from his back pocket.
To Lucas:
Call me
17.23
He pocketed the phone and turned to stare at the elevator climbing floors. Why was Lucas quitting? They said they will be in this together. That they will push one another, to victories, through losses. That they will be by each other’s side as they gather medals and trophies. Help each other through injuries and tough times, but now Lucas was quitting and leaving Atle alone. Atle knew he wouldn’t be alone, he had teammates, friends, but no one could replace Lucas. Lucas was leaving the team, the sport and in all that he was leaving Atle. Atle’s anger had dispersed long ago, it might have never been there in the first place, but in its place was now a vacant hole of nothing. Atle felt abounded. Realistically he knew that one day they wouldn’t be skiing together anymore, but he had thought that would have been when they were both well over thirty. Instead they were barely in their twenties and with so many thoughts and feelings left unspoken. Atle always thought he would one day gather up the courage to confess, to let his feelings show. He always figured it would be in one of those after win moments, or on a pretty day after a race, but now? He will just bury them in the deep parts of his heart, dedicated to Lucas only. He will eventually start to forget their moments, how Lucas laughs in private and how warm it is sharing a bed.
The elevator finally opened on his floor and he walked to his and Lucas’s room. Atle swiped his room card and entered. He looked around the room and he didn’t know how he didn’t notice the overly organized race suits and packed clothes before. Usually Lucas’s stuff was everywhere. Atle smiled sadly and now, in the private, away from prying eyes, he couldn’t help the tears running down his cheeks and the silent sobs filling the empty room. Room that will from now on be occupied by one of his other teammates. Someone he will have to get used to, someone he will have to pretend not to notice staring at him with pity.
Atle laid on the bed and covered himself with the sheets. His best friend was leaving the sport they both loved. The sport was losing one of the best skiers, but Atle was losing someone so dear to him, that he could only curl in a ball and cry.
It was late when the doors to the room clicked open. Atle didn’t stir from his sleep. Lucas entered his and Atle’s room for what will be the one of the last times. He was Atle curled in a ball, sleeping soundlessly. He stepped closer quietly. He saw the dried tears on Atle’s face and sighed sadly. He was truly sorry that he stepped away from the sport, but he had to. For himself and for Atle.