Chapter Text
When Link woke up, the house was empty. As he exited, he saw Malon feeding the cuccos while trying to read the Cuccodex he had given her. He stretched and started off across the snow-covered ground. He said goodbye to her and went north to try and find a way to the swamp. Eventually he crossed over into a bright Spring plain, where the clouds are fluffy and the flowers bloom. While walking across an open field, Link saw a strange shadow tracing a pattern into the ground. As he looked up to see what it was, he saw a witch flying on a broomstick. She slowly made her way down to ground level and smacked directly into Link, knocking the Lon Lon Egg out of his bag. The witch seemed to be Link’s age, and looked incensed as she adjusted the large hat that sat on her green hair.
“OH! Watch it jerk! You could’ve made me fall off!” she huffed.
“You’re the one who flew into me,” Link said.
“Well excuse me princess… Is that a Lon Lon Egg?” she pointed at the massive egg that had rolled onto the ground.
“Yeah? Who are you?”
“I am the great witch Maple! A-apprentice to the greater witch Syrup, and I in my witchy ways desire your Egg!” The Witch proclaimed
“What are you gonna do with it?” Link said as he held the egg.
“That’s for me to know, and you to not ask, anyway bye! Here have this!”
Maple snatched the egg from Link’s hands, hopped back on her broomstick, and threw a Ghastly looking Doll at his face as she flew away. Link picked up the Ghastly Doll and shuddered before placing it in his bag. He swore he could hear a muffled scream from his satchel.
“I might find a use for it. It could traumatize someone.”
Link wandered farther north before turning to the west, where Spool Swamp supposedly lay. He soon found a rickety wooden bridge that looked as if it had never been repaired in centuries. He carefully crossed it, and found that it held his weight well, and only terrified him slightly. As he continued westward, he heard a muffled sob from the trees. Upon following the noise, Link found a large, sad kangaroo sitting in a clearing.
“Is something wrong?” Link asked.
“OF COURSE SOMETHING IS WRONG…” the kangaroo wept loudly in an almost commercial fashion, “I'm a fighter with no fight! I'm a warrior with no war! I'm a boxer with no box… I'm just an… er.”
“What, um, what happened?” Link tentatively asked.
“I LOST!” The kangaroo started bawling, “I was in a fight against my main rival, Blaino, when he PUNCHED me, more than once! I knew he had a good south paw, and I accounted for that, but boy howdy he hit with his One, Two, South and North Paw Combo™. Now here I am, a sham, once the best fighter this side of Holodrum, now a kangaroo without a cause!!!” The crying was starting to get ridiculous.
Link patted the kangaroo on the shoulder, “Is there anything I can do to help?”
The kangaroo immediately stood up and grabbed Link by the shoulders, “YES! You go to Blaino’s Gym, it’s a little to the east of here, and tell him that Ricky sent you. You’re going to win my gloves back, small green child! Now GO!”
Ricky shoved Link towards the Gym. Link practically ran across the field and back over the rickety bridge to Blaino’s Gym. On the way there, Link encountered a spiky tree with round yellow seeds growing on it. Link picked one and crushed it in his hand. And regretted it as it unleashed a nasty stench upon bursting. After struggling to breathe for a few minutes, Link shoved a large handful of the Scent Seeds into his Seed Satchel.
“I’m sure I can find a use for these,” Link gagged.
Turning a corner, the boy arrived at the gaudy home of Blaino. Atop the roof of the massive structure were a pair of massive ruby boxing gloves, an inscription on the front of the house read:
Here is the home of Blaino The Best™, the greatest boxer this side of Holodrum.
Enter if you dare to contend with his fabulous good looks and fists of fruitful fury!
P.S Ricky is a loser >:P
Link knocked on the door of the Gym. In an instant, a short, spherical creature wearing a black bandanna over its eyes and boxing gloves easily the size of Link’s head opened the door.
“Greetings Challenger,” he said, “I am Blaino the Best™! I see you’re here to challenge my awesome might?”
Link nodded, “Ricky sent me to get his gloves back.”
Blaino gasped, “He sent a strange green child instead of coming to face me himself? For shame, Ricky, for shame. In any case, I accept your challenge, you will be the second boxer I've faced.”
Link entered the Gym and set up opposite Blaino.
“All right, kid, here’s the rules: No Items, Only your Fists!” Blaino said, “And if you manage to beat the Champion of Holodrum’s Boxing Committee, I guarantee that you’ll get the boxing gloves. Are you ready?”
Link took to the arena, sitting on one side of the ring, Blaino all the way at the other. A loud orchestral score preceded the match playing a strange little ditty, a disembodied voice sang the lines “Look sharp” and “something about Razors”. The sound of the bell snapped the two combatants out of it.
“Put your dukes up you strange green child!” Blaino arrogantly scoffed.
Link did indeed put his dukes up and swung at the orbital man with courageous fury.
Blaino took hit after hit, but eventually managed to fabulously dodge the hero's final punch, which led to the fighting sphere to hit the boy with his famous “One, Two, South and North Paw Combo™” knocking Link to the mat. The boy swore he could hear the roar of a crowd, and someone yelling about subscribing to a fanclub or something like that. As Blaino arrogantly counted to ten, Link shot back up and hit the dodge ball shaped boxer with an uppercut that launched him across the room and straight through a wall. The sound of the bell rang out as the disembodied voice echoed “KO” and “GOOD JOB MAC BABY”. Link thought he got hit a little too hard.
Blaino staggered back into the house, in an almost drunken tone he said, “Well… let's take it to the committee…” Link looked around to find this so-called Committee, only to see Blaino put on a pair of glasses and a fake mustache, “You, sir, are the new Holodrom Champion™! How do you feel?”
“Confused,” Link groaned.
“So am I!” Blaino said as he slumped over, “Anyway, as promised, the boxing gloves.”
Blaino took off his boxing gloves and handed them to Link, “There you go, you can take them back to Ricky now.”
Rather than hands beneath, there was nothing. Link took the gloves and started his walk back to Ricky.
“Everyone in this country is insane.”
Link made his way back to Ricky and handed him the boxing gloves. The kangaroo put on the gloves and started posing.
“Thank you for helping me regain my glory, kid. In return, I’ll be more than happy to help you out. Now, jump in my pouch!”
Link looked a bit hesitant.
“Come on in the waters great…” the kangaroo said. Link attempted to back away.
Ricky grabbed Link and shoved him inside his pouch, “See that wasn’t so hard, and we are off!”
While situated snuggly in the kangaroo’s pouch, Link could only hope that Ricky went in the direction of the Swamp. They eventually reached a small chasm blocking their path, but Ricky easily launched them over it to the opposite side. Further south, on a cliff overlooking a large lake, sat a little villa with a beautiful flower garden. Ricky, as gently as he could while wearing boxing gloves, set Link down in front of the villa.
“I’ll be back in a minute, green child, I gotta take care of something.”
Link watched Ricky bound into the trees. He could swear that he heard distant sounds of fighting as he knocked on the door of the villa. A rotund woman opened the door and gasped when she saw Link. She hurriedly herded Link inside and sat him down.
“Oh you poor dear, all alone outside with nobody to take care of you. Here, sit and eat something. I’m Mrs. Ruul, the mayor’s wife.”
She began to shove pastry after pastry down the throat of the boy, his face covered in powdered sugar and jam, “Gosh you're too skinny, EAT!”
“That's enough!” Link muffledly yelled.
He gulped down the cakes and doughnuts, he felt like he never wanted to eat again.
“Well, there will be more where that came from,” she said with a wink.
Link looked around the room and saw portraits of the mayor… Most of them were terribly mutilated or ripped, or stabbed… one had a scralled message on it that read: “DIE RUUL, DIEEEEEEEE”. He was disturbed by the emphasis on the E, and by the looks of it, how the message was possibly written in blood, he decided at that moment he was not going to ask.
As the woman walked back to the kitchen to grab more pastries, Link could see her fanning herself profusely. She came back with a cake proportional in size to a Dodongo, and continued to fan herself with her other hand.
“I hope you’ll excuse me,” she said as the table creaked under the cake, “but I’ve been terribly hot these past few weeks, and I just can’t find a way to chill the house. If only there were something to simply scare a shiver down my spine.”
While Mrs. Ruul went back to the kitchen for a knife, Link carefully took the Ghastly Doll from his bag and slowly placed it on the table. When she came back, she saw the Doll and let out a horrible screeching noise. She took a moment to catch her breath before cutting into the cake.
“Oh my! That was certainly a chilling surprise. I feel much better now. Here, let me get you a little something in return for this Doll.”
Link tensed as he heard loud scraping come from the kitchen. Mrs. Ruul dragged a large Iron Pot out of the kitchen to where Link sat.
“Here you are, a nice Pot, just for you,” she said.
Link struggled to shove the pot into his bag, “Uuuhh, thanks?”
He swiftly left the villa and breathed a sigh of relief before remembering that Ricky was waiting for him, with blood covering his gloves. As the kangaroo once again placed Link in his pouch, the Hero surrendered to his new transportation.