Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It wasn’t quite silent.

It was as if the sound of the stadium was being played on a radio and someone had come in and turned it right down. The screams, filled with anger, excitement and competitiveness was now a hum in the distance. When thousands of people muttered to one another, and held their breath it still made quite the noise, but it was as quiet as it would ever be.

Though the noise from the outside didn’t matter, not when the beat of his own heart was so heavy inside his ears. 

“An interesting development!” the announcer proclaimed, “Choi is taking the shot!”

It really was an interesting development, but the focus on it didn’t do much for San’s nerves. The game was 2-2, they’d gone into overtime, and now it was everyone’s least favourite thing to both watch and partake in: a penalty shootout.

Only both of their strikers were out of the game. Jongho had been given a red card during overtime. It was a blow to the team, and completely unfair, but neither San nor the rest of the team could really blame their youngest for finally snapping. The defence on the opposing side had been targeting Jongho non-stop with elbows and almost theatrical slide tackles ever since the first whistle blew. The referee seemed to not notice it until Jongho finally started to push back.

Assholes.

They’d played against the Southvale Outlaws several times, beaten them several times too no matter what stunts they tried to pull, and yet every single time they would come back worse. It wasn’t as if the team weren’t good, every game against them had been tight, which was probably the reason why they quickly descended into playing dirty. The last time they’d played against one another, Jongho had kicked three clean goals past their keeper; it had been incredible. Jongho was an amazing player, don’t get San wrong, but there had seemingly been a hunger in his performance that day, just as pissed off by the Outlaws as the rest of the team were and determined to beat them no matter what. It was no wonder they had seen him as a threat.

They’d also accidentally (though San figured it was on purpose) put their best striker, Wooyoung out of commission not even thirty minutes into the game. Wooyoung, the fastest on their team by a long shot, had been running at the speed of light, skilfully manoeuvring the ball between his feet, ready to deliver a clean and clear shot; even the goalkeeper looked scared, when one of the defenders intercepted him. 

But it wasn’t just a clumsy, overeager tackle, San saw it go down with his own eyes. Instead of trying to take the ball from Wooyoung in a way that ended up going wrong (San could forgive that), the defender planted his foot into his shin, not only kicking Wooyoung where it hurt most but also tripping him, causing him to face plant onto the grass.

San along with what was seemingly the entire stadium all held their breath in the ten seconds where Wooyoung laid face down on the grass, before finally getting up. There was blood dripping from either his nose or lip, San was a little too far away to tell, and he was limping…

But otherwise okay, if the string of curse words as he tried to stalk towards the guy who had tripped him was anything to go by. Both teams rushed towards one another, but security was ready before anyone had time to throw a punch. Once the adrenaline was gone, Wooyoung could barely even walk and so he was benched. Thankfully it caused enough uproar for the defender to also be kicked off the field; the same couldn’t be said about his disgusting teammates. 

And so it had now somehow fallen onto San to take the shot. Don’t get him wrong, he was good at every single position on the field, he could defend goals, he could score cleanly, his kicks were powerful, his control immaculate but that was usually in the confines of practice, where his team went easy on him and there were no distractions. There were better people to take his spot, Hongjoong, their captain for example had better aim. But he had already been angry about Wooyoung and practically foaming at the mouth by the time Jongho was sent off…

So maybe it was also because San was the most outwardly calm…

Inside he was a bundle of nerves. It wasn’t a big deal, this was supposed to be a friendly match, the actual league didn’t start for another couple of months. San just hated these guys, wanted to prove that despite everything they’d tried, they still couldn’t win. 

There was no time to think about anything else, he looked down at the scuffed ball by his feet, then back up at the goalkeeper who didn’t look anywhere near as anxious as he had when Wooyoung was approaching him, but still pretty alert. 

San sucked in a sharp breath. Took a few steps back and then without hesitation, used his dominant leg to kick the ball as hard and as directly as he could.

As soon as the ball bounced off his foot, San squeezed his eyes shut. It had felt clumsy, not powerful enough, he had screwed it up…

The stadium erupted into a loud chorus of excited screams. Before San even had time to open his eyes before two things happened at once.

“He shoots, he scores! Choi San makes the winning shot! The Clovers win!” he heard the announcer all yelled.

Then several bodies surrounded his, grabbing onto him. 

“You fucking did it!” Hongjoong shrieked, grabbing onto San’s ears and butting their foreheads together.

“Fuck yeah San, you showed them!” Yunho, their goalkeeper cheered, practically squeezing him to death in a bear hug.

“I knew we could count on you!” Mingi exclaimed, pulling San into a headlock and ruffling his hair.

It was all so rough, so aggressive but also so adoring in a way that only alphas seemed to be able to do; the way they wouldn’t handle anyone but their own. It made San feel a little weak at the knees. That wasn’t made any better when the rest of the team, the ones he wasn’t as close to but still pretty tight with, surrounded him in a group hug. San remained trapped firmly in the middle of them while they all started to bounce up and down and yell with pride and happiness.

San felt it all so intensely. The excitement of the men clinging to him. The air around him was permeated with heavy sweat, as well as a mix of overpowering pheromones. Most of his team didn’t bother with scent blockers and the ones who did had certainly lost them during such an intense match. San didn’t have to think about breathing through his mouth instead of his nose exactly, he was already gasping for air as he finally found a few seconds to catch his breath; either way it didn’t help. His sense of smell was too strong, his sense of taste too linked to his nose anyway. He always felt like he was drowning a little in times like this. The firm, muscular bodies that pressed against his, that squeezed him and roughed him up didn’t help one bit. Bodies that in a few minutes he would have to see completely bare, with water and soap suds slipping down full pecs and defined abdominal muscles, all while he pretended it wasn’t doing anything to him.

It would be okay, he figured. It was always like this, it had been for years and he’d always managed to play it cool, play it normal. 

San was snapped out of his thoughts when a scent, that was always so much stronger than anyone else's seeped through all the chaos. A scent of smoking wood and a hint of something that reminded him of pepper, or another powerful spice, a scent that always made him feel warm inside. A scent that he should be so used to, seeing as he lived around it pretty much every second the day. And yet…

“Alright, alright move! Let me see the man of the match!” Wooyoung’s bossy voice managed to carry over the noise the rest of the team were making.

And they all parted ways on instinct, it was pretty much an unspoken rule to never get between Wooyoung and San. They were best friends after all, had been for most of their lives…

“Should you be standing?” San huffed, crossing his now free arms in front of him.

“I’m fine” Wooyoung scoffed, but San watched the way he leaned his weight on his left leg.

There was no point arguing with him however, so San just snorted.

“What did you think?” he asked, not having to mention he was talking about the awesome goal he just scored because Wooyoung would know what he was referring to, they were just that in tune. 

Wooyoung mirrored his action with the crossed arms.

“A lucky strike” he shrugged, face completely blank, “form could have been better but it won the match, so I guess it’ll do.”

San glared at him, for all of ten seconds before Wooyoung grinned, stumbled up extra close and gave him an affectionate, almost condescending pat on the head.

“Fucker” San hissed.

Wooyoung’s laugh cackled in his ear before he planted a purposely gross wet kiss onto San’s cheek. San spluttered, but he felt his skin heat up. He knew that Wooyoung was proud of him and thought he’d done an amazing job, even through all his teasing. 

“Guys, get out of your bubble!” Coach Kim yelled.

The team collectively quietly groaned in the middle of their huddle before obediently parting ways. When San pulled his eyes off Wooyoung and looked around he saw the crowd hadn’t thinned all that much. It was a home game, so most people were there to see them either way; though they weren’t really watching the team anymore, just dancing in the stands to the music the stadium was now blasting. They were following along with the cheer team, who had invaded the pitch the second the Southvale Outlaws had stalked off. More respectful teams would have come over to congratulate them on their win, bid the crowd goodbye, good sportsmanship and all that; but the Outlaws were no such team.

“Help me mingle” Wooyoung whispered in his ear, it wasn’t even a question.

He had already supported himself with a draped arm around the shoulder. San circled his own around Wooyoung’s waist, his skin was still damp with sweat despite the fact he'd been stationary for over an hour now, symbolising just how angry and heated he'd been over having to sit the majority of the match out. San moved slowly, as the two of them drifted towards the crowd, and the cheerleaders that had just finished their routine.

They went through the motions, waving at the crowd and thanking their classmates who had also descended onto the field for coming.

“Wooyoung! Oh my god are you okay!” a small man, with dark hair, pale skin and dressed in the tight, green cheer uniform wiggled over towards them.

San should know his name, he recognized him, he’d been on the team for at least a year, but he just couldn’t put a name-”

“Yeah Suhwan, I’m good, just a twisted ankle and a bit of bruising” Wooyoung shrugged, and San felt this weird stuttering feeling in his heart when his best friend unwound himself from his shoulders.

San didn’t let go of Wooyoung’s waist, even though he knew he should due to social cues, it felt really difficult detaching himself from Wooyoung’s side. It always had, even when they were kids. Suhwan glanced at him next, eyes tracing San’s equally sweat soaked frame, lingering on his arms, his lips, before meeting his eyes.

“And San, you did amazing! You won us the game!” he exclaimed, fluttering his eyelashes and twirling his hair.

He was really pretty, San thought. San couldn’t smell him, but he was an omega, only omegas were on the cheer team, no exceptions. The same way there were no omegas on their team, only alphas and a single beta that was able to physically keep up; and boy did he have to work hard to prove he could.

“Thanks, Suhwan was it?” San smiled.

The omega giggled brightly.

“Yes! I come to all of the games…obviously” Suhwan pointed at his cheer uniform, cheeks going a little pink, “But I’ve never had the guts-I mean we’ve never officially met!”

“Well it’s lovely to meet you now” San gave a friendly nod.

Wooyoung glanced between the two of them, playful smirk spreading across his face, he then loudly cleared his throat, and Suhwan seemed to snap back to reality.

“Will you guys be coming to the party later on tonight?”

“What party?” San asked, he hadn’t heard about anything of the sort, and usually he was the first in the know; well Wooyoung was and San by default.

“Oh it’s super last minute because we weren’t going to throw it if you guys lost...” Suhwan laughed lightly, plump lips parting to flash perfect white teeth, “and it’s nothing official because this game wasn’t a big deal but…some of the cheer team were gonna come back to the field later tonight, few drinks, card games, super lowkey, we got permission from the groundskeeper and the coach, so long as it remains a small gathering.”

“I think I should probably rest, yeah?” Wooyoung spoke up, glancing down at his leg “but I’m sure Sannie would love to.”

Suhwan offered another dazzling smile.

“We’ll miss you” he pouted at Wooyoung before turning to San, “but that’s great…I mean if you wanna come…it would be great to have you there!”

Wooyoung snickered quietly beside them.

“Y-yeah sure. I’ll umm, I'll get this one home” San nodded towards Wooyoung, “and then maybe see you later.”

Suhwan nodded profusely, almost bouncing on his feet in thinly veiled excitement.

“Yes! See you around!”

Then the omega turned and walked back to his squad. San glanced at Wooyoung who was hyper-focused on watching Suhwan leave, staring particularly at his ass and the long expanse of skin his green skirt exposed. San felt a weird pinch in his gut, sucking in a harsh breath that had Wooyoung finally looking back at him.

“Lets go.”

***

It took longer to get back to their dorm than it usually would, not just with Wooyoung hobbling along beside him but also because every other person they passed would stop to talk to them, congratulating San and fussing over Wooyoung in particular. Being popular and liked by pretty much everyone at college was nice, but sometimes San could do without it; especially when all he wanted was to get home and away from all the noise.

The sun was setting by the time he swiped them into their building. Wooyoung wanted to shower at home rather than in the gym with the rest of the guys because the floors there could be a little slippery and he didn’t feel stable on his feet. San was more than happy with that, he usually avoided the communal showers unless he had classes immediately after practice and had no time to come back here.

Of course he let Wooyoung shower first; heading into their kitchenette to do the dishes. They’d had a quick lunch before rushing off to attend their pre-match meeting; crumbs from their toast, an unwashed pan from their eggs and their protein shake bottles all laying discard on the counter.

It wasn’t usually like this. San, and Wooyoung in particular were pretty good at keeping the space clean and tidy. Understanding that they had a pretty nice dorm compared to some of the other buildings on campus. For one it was way larger, their kitchen had a two-burner stove top, a microwave, a mini-oven and a full sized fridge. The living room was attached to the kitchen, perfectly square, with a window at the far edge that let in natural light, enough room for a couch, table and a decent sized TV. 

Separate bedrooms on opposite sides of the living room, and their own bathroom. It was far more expensive per term than the other dorm rooms, but that was nothing to San’s father, nothing to Wooyoung’s either. They’d rather their sons live comfortably than have to share a tiny room with a complete stranger who could disrupt their sleep and disturb their studies. 

Not that this would have ever happened; San and Wooyoung had decided from the age of 15 that if they ended up going to the same college they’d do everything in their power to room together, and now they had for over two years. And it had been perfect.

Mostly…

“Showers free!” Wooyoung sing-songed, heading past San and to his room while San scrubbed at the pan.

Once everything was dry and put away, San made his own way to the bathroom, shaking his head as he followed the wet footprints Wooyoung had left on the floor all the way there. San sighed as he stood underneath the hot steamy water. He tilted his head back, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He should have felt happy, proud actually. He should have also stayed behind after the match and soaked up the glory, the rest of his team most likely still were. San usually would have been made to stay to do just that, but fortunately, or unfortunately he did have Wooyoung as an excuse to get out of there.

It was just too many eyes on him. He could ignore them when he was playing but the second the game ended the weight of the attention felt heavier. And it wasn’t the attention he wanted. He briefly thought of that omega- San had already forgotten his name again, and he swallowed as he reflected on the obvious flirting. Omegas flirting with him always made him feel incredibly anxious, and it happened a hell of a lot. It wasn’t their fault, they believed San was the kind of guy they should all try their luck with. 

A ‘prime alpha’; a label that didn't make his stomach clench and his skin crawl once upon a time. In fact up until a few years ago he was proud of it. When he presented his family had been ecstatic. It was what he thought he had wanted growing up; despite the fact that people, especially around his age were a bit more open minded when it came to secondary genders, deep down everyone still believed that as a man you wanted to be an alpha, that betas were ‘meh’ and omega men got the short end of the stick…

His father certainly held such opinions, and he never had any doubts of what his son would present as. The Choi men came from a long line that could be traced all the way back to when they had packs, pretty much every male from their side were head alphas; the omegas they mated with, always lunas. The best of the best. And something that was of great pride even centuries later. San wondered how his father would have felt if he turned out to be something else. Luckily for them both they never had to wonder…

Instead San grew quickly into the man he was now. He wasn’t as tall as his father but he wasn’t short either. He gained muscle easily, quickly too. Sure he spent a lot of time in the gym and doing physical activity but his genetics definitely played a huge part. San was strong, he was fast, he had power behind his every move. His facial features were sharp, from his eyes to his full and prominent cheekbones. His dick grew big, his knot thick, and he could cum like a fire hose. Perfect for breeding.

Omegas constantly told him that his scent was alluring. He couldn’t quite describe it, but he’d heard he smelt like the air right before a thunderstorm. It was so powerful.

San was so lucky…

He rinsed the bodywash off his skin before stepping out of the shower. And though he knew he really shouldn’t, as the act always bred misery, San was already walking over to the fogged up mirror and wiping it with his hand so that he could see his reflection.

His breathing was shaky as he studied himself, reaching up to poke at his biceps, his wide shoulders that he got so many compliments on. He anxiously chewed on his lips, his arms looked bigger, even though he’d strictly avoided training them for the past six months. His coach had even picked up on it once, San had made an excuse that he was experiencing pain, which led him to being sent to their physiotherapist. Of course they couldn’t find anything, but his coach had dropped it seeing as San seemingly hadn’t lost any muscle definition. San didn't like what he saw, he didn't know why and he couldn't tell anyone; at best they'd call him crazy and at worst they'd think he was finishing for compliments...

He felt his eyes sting a little, observing how his shoulders didn’t even fit within the frame of the mirror. Why did he have to take up so much space? He ran his fingers through his hair, he’d wanted to grow it a little. His friend Seonghwa had grown his hair, it looked great, really pretty. Maybe he wouldn’t go as long as his friend but, something someone could run their fingers through properly would be nice, right? 

A fantasy of course. He could already hear his father’s voice during their weekly facetime “You look scruffy. I’m sending you money for a haircut.” And San would oblige because who was he kidding? He’d probably look a mess.

Resting his hands on the edge of the sink for support, San tipped forward to study his face. He raised his eyebrows, widened his eyes until he saw them sparkle under the fluorescent lights prettily. It caused him to smile, his dimples deepening. He looked best like this: cute, sweet, soft…

His cheeks started to hurt after a while; his smile dropped, as did his heart, watching in real time as his resting face fell back into its almost moody default setting. No matter how hard he tried he didn’t look like that, he looked like this. A fierce, ‘prime alpha.’ He needed to get the hell away from this mirror.

San stormed out of the bathroom and headed towards his room, hearing Wooyoung, who was now sprawled out in front of the TV, sniffing the air. San was well aware his scent had spiked due to his heavy emotions.

“What’s wrong big boy?” he called after him.

San wouldn’t be surprised if his scent spiked again upon hearing Wooyoung call him that. He sort of wanted to fall to his knees and dramatically cry on the floor but he couldn’t; because that wouldn’t make sense, Wooyoung and the rest of their friends were always calling him something like that.

“Stubbed my toe” San grumbled, opening his bedroom door.

“Well be careful, one of us has to be able to walk” Wooyoung snorted, before turning back to the TV.

San hurried inside his room and closed the door behind him, making sure to throw his towel over the full length mirror in the corner. He sat damp and naked on his bed for what was probably way too long before his rumbling stomach became a bit too much to ignore. Checking his phone he saw it was almost 8pm; he also saw a few messages in their team group chat about the small party happening in a few hours. Some of the team were going, Yunho and Mingi never turned down a party no matter what, but Hongjoong and Jongho were sitting it out.

It made him feel better about the fact that he wasn’t going to go. Jongho and Hongjoong were a little more introverted than the rest of the team, and usually when San partied he spent time with them in some corner just chatting. A lot of people approached him, because of course they did, but he wasn’t one to put himself out there, he’d never really had to. As much as he loved Mingi and Yunho, they often vanished to do whatever once they had alcohol in their system, and San who was a lightweight couldn’t keep up with them even on his best days. Plus, Wooyoung wasn’t going so…

Speaking of Wooyoung, San could hear him laughing at whatever was on the TV in the next room. He threw on a pair of pyjama pants, the hoodie that he’d slung onto the back of his computer chair this morning and went to have the inevitable argument with his roommate about what they’d order for dinner tonight.

Fried chicken, that’s what Wooyoung had wanted and he always got his way in the end because whenever they bickered San would grow tired, Wooyoung never did and that hadn’t changed since they were kids. It was funnily enough, one of the reasons why San wasn’t shocked when Wooyoung presented as an alpha. The rest of their community hadn’t seen it in him, but San did. 

Sure Wooyoung was on the shorter side, though not all that far off from San, and he’d never been as muscular either. Wooyoung was loud, he was giggly, he was flirty in a rather playful way, a trait that most omegas used to work in their favour. When he lived at home with a proper kitchen, Wooyoung was really into cooking. He took care of his younger siblings like a third parent; he was bright, warm, forward and friendly.

But Wooyoung could also be quiet, stoic and serious. He’d never been the kind of person you could just put in a box and label. He was smart, introspective and determined. Anything Wooyoung put his mind to he could do. No matter how many times he failed, he would pick himself back up and try again and again until it worked out for him, something that San admired greatly, as he himself had often felt defeated when things didn’t go his way.

Wooyoung held strong in all of his convictions. Opinionated, but never cruel. Able to admit when he was wrong. Able to fight for the things he truly believed in and never backed down. So incredibly strong willed. 

San spent so much time glued to his hip that perhaps he saw this side of Wooyoung earlier than others did. Though eventually those traits only became more set in stone the older they got, and that side of Wooyoung was no longer just for San. People started to wonder how they’d ever thought Wooyoung would be anything but alpha. Not that Wooyoung gave a shit what people thought. 

Wooyoung glanced away from the TV and over at San, loudly smacking his lips together as he chewed on the greasy wing in his hand.

“So, what time do you plan on heading out? That’s not really party attire.”

“I’m not going” San muttered, looking down at his own food.

“Really?” Wooyoung chuckled, “that’s a shame, Suhwan was really looking forward to spending time with you. I could practically smell him slicking.”

San tried not to cringe, and instead just shrugged and nibbled on the chicken.

“Really?” Wooyoung repeated, this time scoffing, “he’s gorgeous and a fantastic fuck!”

San tried his best to focus on the TV, not wanting his scent to betray how that comment made him feel. Of course Suhwan had a history with Wooyoung, Wooyoung had a history with a lot of people in this college. And that was okay, a normal and natural way for an alpha in his prime to spend this time of his life. 

“Just be careful, not shaming him but he’s been through pretty much every single guy on the team as well” Wooyoung added, “I know you’re Mr Romantic and I don’t want you to get your heartbroken if you decide to pursue him. He’s sweet, but I think he just wants to tick you off his list.”

San sank his teeth into the meat and tore it off the bone, trying to squash the ugly, green eyed monster swelling inside him…

“I think it’s you he wanted, he approached you first” San shrugged again, glancing at Wooyoung from out of the corner of his eye.

“I think he wanted us both, at the same damn time!” Wooyoung smirked, “lot of people do, you know?”

“What are you on about?” San rolled his eyes.

“Come on, look at us!” Wooyoung winked, “we’re hot and we’re best friends, I’ve had quite a few people ask if you were down.”

“Right…” San said slowly, shaking his head and reaching for his bag of fries.

“We should totally do it! I mean if you wanna, I know you’re super private about your sex life, so no pressure” Wooyoung said casually.

San’s stomach was in knots and he had to pause his eating otherwise he was going to be sick. But he couldn’t act like it was a big deal, because Wooyoung certainly didn’t think it was. This was the kind of thing Wooyoung did, the kind of thing all his friends did too. Go out, bag the hottest omega in the room and then brag about it the next day in the locker room; and San would join in, egg them on, make up stories about his own escapades. Laugh along with his friends knowing he was the only one of them living a lie. 

“Yeah, sure” San nodded.

Wooyoung frowned at him slightly, like he knew something was up and San was worried he would be asked about it, curse them for knowing each other so well. But eventually Wooyoung just shrugged and went back to eating. 

“Well, if you’re really not going out tonight, why don’t you pick a movie?” Wooyoung offered.

San didn’t exactly relax upon hearing those words, but his tension was at least more positive. Excited rather than uncomfortable, happy to hear that Wooyoung wasn’t just going to retire to his room or try his luck hobbling down to the party himself once the food was finished. It meant they got to spend time together, just the two of them and that was always the best…

“You pick, whatever I choose you’re just going to argue until we pick what you want” San scoffed.

“No, no. I picked the food so you get to pick the movie!” Wooyoung argued.

“You say that every time and yet the records show that it’s never the case!” San laughed, throwing his balled up paper napkin at Wooyoung, it connected perfectly with the centre of his forehead.

“True” Wooyoung chuckled, wiping his hands on his own napkin and getting up to clean before he winced and fell back on his ass.

“It’s not too bad is it?” San hurried out, knowing he sounded more concerned that he needed to be.

It was just like that when it came to Wooyoung, San wanted to do anything he could to take care of him. But he also knew he was being a little dramatic. Wooyoung showed no sign of pain unless he was putting direct pressure on his foot; the medics on the field had checked him over and hadn’t put him on a stretcher and whisked him away, in fact the only thing they did was put a band-aid over the scrape on his nose. And Wooyoung wouldn’t be his usual playful self if it was something really serious, he’d be upset and angry about potentially having to sit out the upcoming league. 

“Like I said, it’s a minor sprain, my face hurts more than my foot” Wooyoung groaned, “I hope it doesn’t leave a scar.”

“You’ll still be handsome either way” San muttered, turning away to hide his blush and clean up their empty food packages while Wooyoung confidently hummed in agreement. 

Once he’d tidied up and left the remaining chicken in the fridge, San slumped back onto the couch and watched Wooyoung shuffle through the movie library on the TV. He clicked on something San had never heard of, but that was okay, they usually ended up talking through any movie they put on unless they were really interested in seeing it. That or they’d fall asleep, especially after a match. 

“What are you doing down there?” Wooyoung asked, and just as he imagined, when San turned to look at him, he was pouting.

“You’re injured” San frowned.

“All the more reason for my weighted blanket” Wooyoung whined, making grabby hands at him.

And San, who literally couldn’t say no to Wooyoung no matter what, crawled on top of the other, being extra careful not to lean on his sore leg. He also tried to ignore the ‘oof’ Wooyoung let out when he finally dropped on top of him; it wasn’t because he was too big and heavy, it was just because it was so sudden…

Most people would assume they’d lay the opposite way, Wooyoung on top of San instead. But they’d always cuddled together like this, back when San was the scrawnier one, and Wooyoung had never wanted to change that. San hadn’t either despite the fact it made him a little self conscious. He shoved that thought down and rested his head on Wooyoung’s shoulder, peering up at him from underneath his eyelashes.

“All jokes aside, I’m so proud of you” Wooyoung whispered softly, “you did so good today, you won!”

“We won. It was a team effort” San blushed.

“Yeah until it all fell on you, and you followed through!” Wooyoung argued, “take some pride in yourself!”

“Just got lucky” San mumbled.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes.

“Guess that’s why we’re called the Clovers, all luck, no talent” he laughed at his own joke, but didn’t push things further.

Sometimes, when San diminished his role in certain situations or didn’t feel proud of himself Wooyoung would practically force him into a long winded pep talk about how he should be more confident. But it was usually reserved for more serious situations, not when San was simply being a little more humble than he should. 

And so he chose not to argue, instead cupping San’s jaw and tilting his head until their faces were only inches away.

“Still so proud of you” Wooyoung breathed out, San’s eyelids fluttering close.

The kiss was firm, dominant, but Wooyoung’s lips were so soft that they added a comforting balance. No tongue, no open mouths; not hot, not steamy, just sweet. Wooyoung pulled away slightly, and then closed the distance again, planting another quick kiss before he let go of San’s face. Two. San always got two, never more, never less.

It didn’t stop the butterflies from going absolutely crazy inside his stomach. San let his head drop back on Wooyoung’s shoulder and tried to look at the TV. Even after all this time San couldn’t help but get excited over the little bit of affection and attention Wooyoung gave to him especially. Even if Wooyoung slept around, San knew he didn’t kiss any of their other friends on the mouth or let them cuddle with him while watching a movie. San was special in that regard, he was lucky…

Though he would have rather stayed with his face close to Wooyoung’s, even if he didn’t get more kisses, he just wanted to look at him. San wanted to look at Wooyoung all the time, even though he knew it was a little weird. It sucked when they weren’t in the same room, it sucked when they had different classes or Wooyoung went out at night and left San alone in the dorm (just because San never went to a party Wooyoung wasn’t attending didn’t mean it worked both ways). 

When they were around one another, San always found his eyes drifting over to him, to the point where it felt as if they were the only two people in the room. He could always smell his scent; it didn’t matter if they were surrounded by several others, San’s nose could zero in on his and his alone. His ears always picked up on Wooyoung’s unique laugh, his stupid jokes, his voice whenever he’d sing in the shower.

He couldn’t help but absorb everything that was Wooyoung. It didn’t matter if it was the aggressive, fiery Wooyoung out on the pitch. If it was the bright, bold Wooyoung that danced in the middle of the room at every function. If it was the serious, studious and invested Wooyoung in the library. San wanted to witness every moment they shared in this world together, feeling so grateful that they got to exist in the same timeline.

But right now, with the close proximity and the flimsy distraction of a movie, that already seemed like it wouldn’t be very good and they were only five minutes in, he couldn’t stare, couldn’t give in to his greatest desire. San had made himself a promise, many years ago that no matter how hard it was, he wouldn’t ever let it show. It would ruin everything between them. Wooyoung could never know his secret. 

Wooyoung could never know that San was deeply, painfully, and unrelentingly in love with him…

He’d started crushing on Wooyoung from age sixteen, at least that’s when he started to pay attention to it. It might have started a lot sooner; it probably had.

Wooyoung and San had become friends in elementary school; they’d had classes together for several years, but San had been painfully shy while Wooyoung was the popular class clown and so they’d never really spoken. At age 11, as was tradition for their school, all of the final year students had to perform in a play. It had been a very dramatic retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, something their drama teacher had conjured up with various fresh new characters and songs he’d written himself to pad out an hour long runtime. 

Neither of them had been Red, nor the wolf, nor the huntsman, not even grandma. Instead they had been assigned original characters, two cats that belonged to Red and who offered some comedic relief at the start of the show. They even had a song and dance number together.

Wooyoung had thought it was hilarious, the man probably still would even in his twenties. San loved to sing, he’d always been told he had a pretty good voice, but he couldn’t dance for shit, and the thought of standing on stage in front of a crowd made him want to be sick. But from the jump Wooyoung had been so excited, so confident and so damn encouraging that both their practices together, and eventually their final performance had ended up being a lot of fun.

Their parents had met after the show and hit it off. The Jung family were well respected. They also had a history of being pack leaders and fierce warriors that dominated pretty much the entirety of the east coast back in the day. Historically they’d been a little less concerned with so-called purity and tradition than San’s family were, and you’d have to go back hundreds of years to trace any head alphas and lunas from their lineage, but it was there. And the modern day Jungs were nothing to scoff at either.

They were wealthy, successful, and classy. Which made sense seeing as this was a private school San and Wooyoung had met at, one of the best in the country. The knowledge of one another, plus the respect between the two families were instantaneous. And before either of them knew it, the families became extensions of one another. Dinners, lunches, vacations, even some holidays, the Jungs and Chois were inseparable. 

San and Wooyoung didn’t end up going to the same high school, San was sent a few hours away to boarding school, Wooyoung stayed in their town. But they called each other every night, would journey to see one another at least every two weeks, and when Wooyoung learned to drive, it was like the distance wasn’t even there.

Every summer was spent by the beach, swimming in the sea, laying on the sand for hours while they talked shit; their warm damp skin pressed together. Every winter break was spent in front of the fireplace in one of their homes, tucked under a blanket with mugs of hot cocoa. 

Wooyoung always had a ton of friends, San made a couple while away at boarding school, but in all honesty nobody really compared to how he felt when he was around Wooyoung. Some might call it obsession but he just couldn’t help it. Wooyoung was the funniest, he was the most interesting, he was the most enjoyable to be around and San spent all of his free time either talking with him or thinking about when he’d next be able to see his face. 

And so yeah, it certainly seemed like the crush had started way sooner than he’d ever really thought…

It was set in stone after a long summer where they’d been glued together. Wooyoung had driven him to the train station, five minutes before he had to board. Wooyoung had been smiling softly at him, blinking slowly and before San was able to ask what he was staring at the other man had leaned over and kissed him. Firm, gentle, twice.

“See you soon” he’d grinned cheekily while San had tried not to lose his damn mind.

It had been San’s first kiss and it wasn’t even romantic, at least not on Wooyoung’s end. They hugged, they held hands, they cuddled. It was just how Wooyoung showed affection; San had witnessed him kiss other friends, though never on the lips. Even after all these years that action was only ever reserved for his special friendship with San. 

But San allowed himself to be delusional and happy for several years. Especially because back then, there had already been murmurs from his family and community over what they thought Wooyoung would be. San had been an early bloomer in that regard, a few months after that kiss he’d presented as an alpha. And his parents were very excited as Wooyoung came of age; they had a lot of very awkward talks with San about omegas, heats, ruts, birth control etc. believing that he already had his mate and it was only a matter of time.

They would have been happy with Wooyoung; and San was happy with him no matter what. But when Wooyoung presented as an alpha, those conversations with his parents came to a grinding halt. The language used surrounding Wooyoung also changed. They still adored him, as Wooyoung himself wasn’t a different person; but there was a huge contrast between how both of their parents began to talk about the two of them together, no longer referred to as soulmates, simply best friends and friends alone.

San knew why, even if he didn’t care what Wooyoung was, his parents sure as hell did, as did the wider society, and Wooyoung seemingly followed the same mindset in his own way.

Wooyoung was a horny motherfucker, most alphas were; San was no different even if he expressed it privately and in different ways. And Wooyoung had no issue fooling around slightly with other alphas. It was seemingly something that just happened; Wooyoung would be pent up and around another alpha who was also pent up and some aggressive dry humping followed. San had even found himself in such a position with Wooyoung a few times.

Wooyoung was perfectly open with the fact that he found other alphas hot and enjoyed rutting against them to get off. But he’d also stated that it would never go beyond that, because that was something he wasn’t into. Wooyoung never went further than a little over the clothes action with an alpha, and though he was supportive of the few friends he had that were in same-secondary gender relationships, he held firm in the idea that it simply wasn’t for him.

He would only fuck omegas or omega-like betas, he would only date omegas, would only spend his ruts with omegas. Because in his words, nobody else could satisfy him the way an omega could. Sometimes San wanted to question him on such a statement. How did Wooyoung know if he’d never tried? But he knew that Wooyoung’s parents were just as rigid and strict about these kinds of things as his own were. He also knew that challenging Wooyoung on the matter could potentially expose him…

San was hoping that when it turned out that they weren’t technically biologically compatible that his feelings for Wooyoung would change too. But they didn’t, they got stronger. Just like his crush San couldn’t pinpoint when it turned into love. Perhaps it always had been and at first he’d just been too young and immature to think that he was capable of such a feeling. 

Wanting to be around someone all the time, never getting bored of talking to them, seeing them; wanting to chase their lips after the second kiss they gave, feeling like you were returning home every single time you laid in their arms. 

Your heart racing whenever the eye contact lingered a little longer than usual. Feeling your skin heat up and having to look away when they changed in front of you when all you wanted to do was to come close and touch them. Hoping they were thinking of you because you always were them. Wanting desperately to be everything they wanted and then feeling like you were going to fall to pieces because you never could be…

Yeah, in all honesty, it had never been just a silly crush.

It got worse when they ended up at the same college and decided to room together. Not only did San’s feelings get stronger due to the fact that he was living a more domestic life with Wooyoung, but his pain worsened too. Wooyoung being an alpha didn’t change the way San felt about him, but it certainly made him focus on how he’d felt about his secondary gender for several years now…

It had started, weirdly, with dreams. The first he remembered vividly, he’d just turned nineteen and it was the night before he would be going home for the summer. In the dream, San had been on a date. On a date with a tall, muscular alpha with brooding features and a mysterious air about him. They’d been having dinner at a fancy restaurant, and the other man had been so dominant in this casual and caring way. 

Tucking in San’s chair for him, ordering for the both of them, pouring San his wine and cutting his steak for him. His eye contact had been powerful, his scent absolutely delicious. So complimentary too, calling San sweet pet names alongside telling him how cute, lovely and beautiful he was, all while San blushed and shuddered. They’d gotten into his nice car and the man had driven him home, his hand on San’s bare thigh, because for some reason he’d been wearing some very tiny shorts (real life San had owned nothing of the sort at the time), and every time he would ask San for directions he’d squeezed his flesh roughly.

When they’d pulled up outside San’s dorm, the alpha had leant close and quite bluntly announced that he’d been able to smell San’s slick all night. That he was dirty, naughty, shameless for being such a way in public. San had whined, his voice several pitches higher than it usually sounded, and apologised, telling the alpha that he simply couldn’t help it. The alpha had chuckled darkly, and pretty much invited himself up to San’s room.

The dream had ended with San bent over his desk, slick dripping down his thighs, being pounded into while the alpha grunted filth behind him, his hands ferociously grabbing at his waist as he sucked on San’s neck. San’s perception of himself had seemingly shrunk in the dream, he suddenly felt like some tiny ragdoll the other man could just throw around.

He jolted awake when the alpha sank his teeth into his neck. His loose white boxer shorts were absolutely soaked. But not with slick, just a thick, creamy load of cum. At the time he wasn’t really bothered. It was just a dream, an admittedly hot dream and he figured it meant nothing. He forgot about it almost instantly.

Then they just kept happening, over and over again. Sometimes the dreams were dates that turned hot and lustful, sometimes they were soft and romantic, sometimes they were just pure horniness, like when he dreamt he was fucked by a group of strong, tough alphas in the middle of the woods, experiencing nothing but pleasure as he was used by several of them. 

But no matter what, it was about other alphas. Always alphas and never the omegas he was supposed to fantasise about. 

And though most people might find it crazy to let dreams warp their reality, San let himself ponder them. He believed there must have been a reason why they were so frequent, why his brain was conjuring them up so often, why he eventually couldn’t stop thinking about them no matter what he did.

Because that was San’s other big secret, one that was more devastating than his love for Wooyoung. Once the initial hype from his family over his presentation had died down, San had found himself feeling incredibly strange over the fact he was an alpha. Despite what his father had wholeheartedly believed, San had secretly hoped he would be, well, something else…

Something he truly believed he was. But he shook the thought of his head, reminding himself that the traits, personalities and wants of each secondary-gender wasn’t set in stone, that it was foolish and old fashioned to think there had been a mistake because he didn’t quite fit the mold. His best friend, his shining beacon of hope, the man he loved was proof of that… And so were many of the other alphas he had met during his lifetime. Alphas who you wouldn’t point at immediately and think they were as such. Quieter, smaller, a little softer…

San didn’t go down the ‘soft alpha’ self-acceptance route at first. He joined an alpha only sports team, worked out, got wasted at parties and made a point of throwing his weight around. He quite frankly exhausted himself being extra social and forced himself to have an air of confidence about him. He went to every school event, he talked to everyone and anyone he possibly could, be it in person, on social media, through text messages. 

A year into college and San’s social battery died as did his will to keep up with the act. Everyone was a little bit confused when San entered their second year more quiet and reserved. Everyone but Wooyoung, who had always known San as a shy introvert growing up. 

Wooyoung would still drag San out of the house often, because he genuinely believed it was good for him, but thankfully neither he nor the rest of their friends really pressured him all that much; believing that San had just been a little wild in his first year and had now mellowed out. San let them believe that, it was better than them knowing he’d been faking it all out of confusion.

Just like he’d never tell them that it was his active social life that was causing him to spiral. Most people would find the drunk videos of them sent in the group chat funny or embarrassing. But San found them painful. Not because he was even the most boisterous of the group, not by a long shot. It was because he was being boisterous at all. What was he so damn loud for? He would question as his booming voice echoed out of his phone speakers when Hongjoong posted videos of them at karaoke. Why did he take up so much space? He’d cringe as Mingi sent photo after photo of them. San found himself somehow always looking too wide, too solid. He hated that he didn’t look like someone you wanted to cuddle, someone you wanted to pepper with sweet kisses, someone you wanted to pamper.

When that’s all San was starting to deeply want…

And at first that was okay, like he said, he knew alphas who were softer, more gentle but…

Did those alphas genuinely hate themselves? It sounded like a harsh word but San couldn’t really put any other name to the feeling. It was as if he was mourning in a way, this lingering melancholy over something that he felt he’d lost. Even though he hadn’t lost anything…

He became increasingly jealous of dream San. Dream San who was soft, pretty and cute. Dream San who had so many alphas falling at his feet, telling he was beautiful, telling him he was irresistible, telling him that he smelt so sweet and was so perfect.

And no matter how hard he tried, nothing real life San did could ever mimic the him in his dreams. Dream San was just too flawless, unattainable. And so he started trying to focus on real life examples. San would observe the omegas around him in his class, and found himself growing bitterly jealous of them too, watching the way the pretty ones, who smelt so good and bounced around so confidently had every alpha in the room turning their head just to watch them.

He wanted to be the one they looked at like that. And it was a double edged sword, because staring at the omegas so hard meant that they thought he was interested. Mr ‘prime alpha’ giving them attention. They’d smile at him, wave, waft their pheromones in his face and some of the bolder ones even came up to him.  His more quiet and thoughtful personality had had the opposite effect on them too. They all thought he was super sweet, a real gentleman and the perfect boyfriend material. And he was running out of excuses as to why he couldn’t date any of them; he was one mental breakdown away from confessing that he wanted to be them, not with them.

He spent all of his ruts alone. Even though it caused him an insane amount of stress, even though it was painful . It was one of the few things Wooyoung did judge him for, he thought San crazy. But San couldn’t explain how his past few ruts had made him want to die. And it wasn’t because they hurt, it was because it was a constant reminder of what he was.

His wolf screaming at him to find the nearest omega with the wettest hole and breed them sounded like a cruel taunt. The sight of his knot made him want to tear his hair out. The realisation that he was producing an insane amount of cum and not slick caused him to spiral. Everything about his body just felt so wrong, he felt both mentally and physically trapped…

And it wasn’t getting better, if anything it was only getting worse. His internal misery, as well as his feelings for Wooyoung and what they could be if San could ‘correct’ himself, burned him to his core. But he couldn’t show it. Instead he had to score goals, play fight roughly, boast about his conquests, force a smile. All while feeling ugly, depressed and empty…

Wooyoung chuckled softly and on instinct, nuzzled his nose against San’s head, before he sucked in a harsh breath, realising after the fact that it was still a little bruised.

“Whatcha laughing at?” San huffed, still staring at the TV.

The movie had ended up being rather entertaining, some of the acting was pretty bad, as was some of the CGI, the plotline very predictable but…entertaining and watchable all the same. At least there had been a lot of well choreographed fight scenes.

“Your scent always changes after I kiss you” Wooyoung hummed.

San felt his heart skip a few beats.

“Does it?” he stuttered.

“Yeah, you smell all proud and happy” Wooyoung explained.

“I get kissed by my bestest friend in the entire world, of course I’m happy” San grumbled, trying to sound nonchalant.

“It’s nice” Wooyoung admitted, “so prominent…”

San winced, he didn’t want to smell overpowering, especially not to Wooyoung…

“Should scent me.”

“You scent me” San argued, probably a little too quickly.

He felt Wooyoung vibrate underneath him as he laughed almost silently. 

“It’s just…you smell better” San added, and Wooyoung laughed audibly this time.

“Mmm I disagree” Wooyoung paused, “but I guess if you let me pick the food, and let me pick the movie, then you get to pick who smells like who until our next shower.”

Wooyoung reached for San’s arms and tugged them towards him, pulling on the sleeves of his hoodie so he had access to his wrists. San only had to wriggle up an inch and he’d be in the perfect position for Wooyoung to bury his face in his neck but they would never scent one another like that, no matter how much more intimate it felt and how much San wanted it.

It was just an unspoken rule, one that had been hammered into alphas for generations. You never let another alpha near your neck. Back in more primal times it was a safety thing, you didn’t want to let a potential rival close enough to rip your throat out; and San figured that was a fair concern once upon a time. 

Now it was just…socially unacceptable. An act of submission to bear your throat to another alpha. That was omega behaviour. Completely taboo. It could result in an unwanted mating bite, and San had heard all sorts of horror stories about what happened if an alpha received a bite from another. His grandfather told him it would lead to a horrible infection that would slowly kill him, because two alphas weren’t compatible. 

San had often wondered why that wasn’t the case for betas who had mated with betas and omegas who had done the same but he was young at the time and didn’t question it. Now given everything he was feeling inside, he wanted to start doing his research…

But San couldn’t focus on that, not when all of a sudden the calming pheromones of Wooyoung were all around him. His body, that had still been a little bit tense throughout the evening completely relaxed as he melted into Wooyoung beneath him, and Wooyoung let out a short, low purr. He would have known that something was up with San, he always did, and was happy that his friend was now calm.

San purred too and nestled back on Wooyoung’s shoulder, feeling one of the other man’s large hands come up to gently pet his hair. San tried to focus on the movie, subtly inhaling Wooyoung’s scent, wishing that it wouldn’t, as Wooyoung said, be gone by the time they showered the next day.

They always smelt a little like each other, it was natural considering they were pretty much always together. But they only ever did this in private, no one else knew of their intentional scenting routine after long, stress filled days. Wooyoung had never exactly told San to keep it a secret; but they both knew how it would look if they went out in their day to day lives reeking of each other. 

San obviously didn’t mind that. He would love to smell like Wooyoung at all times, so that the world would know who he belonged to, who he had always belonged to and who he probably always would. But he didn’t want to embarrass Wooyoung, who had made it clear where his boundaries with other alphas lay, and so he would reluctantly wash the trace of him away before his class tomorrow afternoon…

The movie came to an end eventually, the credits rolled and the window eventually closed out. San noticed about twenty minutes ago that the hand in his hair had stopped moving, just laid there as a grounding weight on top of his head. 

He wasn’t surprised when he glanced up at Wooyoung and saw his eyes closed, his lips parted, breathing easily, fast asleep. And though San knew it was kind of creepy, he also knew that this was the only time he could really look at Wooyoung the way he wanted when he was so close.

Wooyoung’s hair always had this way of falling over his forehead when it got damp but he didn’t style it. A little fluffy, sticking up in random places. Something Wooyoung would grumble over the next day before shoving a backwards cap on until he could be bothered to deal with it.

His eyelashes were long, straight and rested on his cheekbones; his cheekbones as well as his sharp jaw gave his face a charming look: high, prominent but full in a way that made his dazzling, cheeky smile extra heart-stopping. The black beauty mark dotted at the highest point of one. Wooyoung’s nose was perfect; straight, strong and currently decorated with a little blue waterproof band-aid. This close, San could even see the faint acne scars dotted on his cheek and chin, slightly darker than the rest of his honey complexion. The plumpness of his lips and the little mole that laid there. 

He was just such a beautiful man. It was why everyone loved him. And it wasn’t just his looks, though they certainly did help. It was because of how incredible he was as a person.

Wooyoung was so kind, so funny, so smart, so addicting to be around. There was nobody in the world like him, there were billions out there who had no idea that he even existed; how lucky San was to be able to know him and for so early on in both their lives too.

San thought Wooyoung was perfect. And so how could he help himself? How could he not be in love with Wooyoung? And how on earth was he meant to stop? 

He studied Wooyoung over and over again, as if he was trying to capture every single detail of a person that he already had tattooed on his soul and probably wouldn’t forget until the day he died. And yet such a ritual was important to San, because one day, even this right here, would come to an end…

It probably wouldn’t happen any time soon, as Wooyoung showed no interest in settling down right now. But one day he’d find his perfect mate. 

It would start off slow, they’d spend less time together. Wooyoung would tell San that his new mate, his omega, which were just as territorial as alphas when it came to their partners, found the physical affection between the two of them weird. That they could no longer lay like this, that he could no longer kiss him twice, that it was upsetting his mate that San smelt like him and that it was time to stop.

One day Wooyoung would have someone else to cuddle on the couch and watch movies with. Someone else to have dinner with. There would be someone else going as his plus one to parties. Someone else he’d want to try all of life’s new experiences with. Someone who he could walk around out and proud with. Someone who was good enough…

That someone would be the luckiest person in the world.

And they wouldn’t be San.