Chapter Text
“What did change your mind?”
Bill asked, they were sat in The Doctor’s office late in the afternoon, a week after the whole Heather business.
The Doctor was reading through essays while drinking a , in his words, below average tea made by Nardole.
He looked up, “Hmm, Sorry, what did you say?” He looked a bit sorry as he implied he hadn’t been paying attention to her. He needn’t, she knew he wasn’t listening, he never did while going through essays, she didn’t mind though it gave her something/someone to talk to, about anything , it was quite therapeutic.
“It’s fine,” she waved a hand as if to physically dismiss the apology, “I said, what changed your mind? About me remembering, I mean.” She leaned forward in inquiry , she’d been wanting to ask for days but kept biting her tongue, quite unlike her really. Maybe she was maturing merely by osmosis by being around him, or something. Wait was that possible? He had mind reading powers or something right? I mean how else was he going to wipe her memory by putting his hands on her face? So could he make her mature faster, make her feel something without her ever knowing? No. Table that. Question for another day. She’d been trying to limit personal questions for him to one a day.
“Oh. That question again. Didn’t I already answer that? I thought I did. Maybe I forgot.” He looked calm as he answered her, glancing at the photos on his desk, though his mouth did that weird pout thing he does when he doesn’t like something. So, uncomfortable with her question but he didn’t want to brush her off completely. That was actually quite nice of the usually stern man. Except when he acted like a ten year old with a sugar high that is.
“I mean.. you did. Kinda. Well not really. Actually, you just kind of told me what TARDIS stands for again.”
She leaned back, not wanting him to feel like she was interrogating him, even though she kinda was. A bit.
“Hmm, well I suppose it’s the same reason I decided to teach you. When you don’t know something.. you smile. A bit like me in that respect.” He smiled, a soft thing that made him look his age. (Glancing at the photos for longer this time, she was going to ask about them one day, but not yet, not when she remembered how he had looked at them when she had asked if photos helped, not when she remembered how heart broken he had looked for a moment before clearing his face of it completely.) Wait how old was he? If he’s not human, and she has asked for clarification multiple times on that subject and the answer was generally the same every time ‘no I’m not, dreadfully boring being human’ or something along that line, then maybe the ageing of his species (? Is that the right word? She wasn’t sure but it felt stupid to ask, so she didn’t.) was different than humans? Another question for another day.
“What? Seriously? My smile made you change your mind?” She was so confused, she didn’t think she’s ever changed her mind about someone because of their smile. Well, apart from pretty girls, but that was a whole different matter entirely.
“Yes. Why does that bother you?” He looked curious as he asked that, as though it was the most important thing in the world, or universe (wow he travels the universe. A new thought that pops into her mind every time she sees or thinks of this mysterious Doctor.)
It didn’t bother her, not really it just confuses her. But maybe she was thinking of all the possible reasons why he would choose her of all people. Surely there were more interesting people in the university.
Why her. “It doesn’t. I’m just confused how that’s the only reason I guess.” She shrugged, feeling a bit embarrassed, though not quite sure why.
“Well I suppose it wasn’t the only reason” he nodded his head at her in seemingly agreement to her confusion, he continued, “You remind me of someone.” He looked sad for a split, blink and you miss it, second. (He looked at them again, the photos, as if they were the only thing getting him through this conversation, she felt guilty, just a bit not too much.. He wasn’t protesting her questions, after all.) The next moment the expression was gone, as if never there in the first place.
“Oh Yeah? Go on, tell me, who?” She leaned forward, this time in excitement rather than questioning.
He looked at her for a few moments, as if deciding what he should say. She was just opening her mouth to say ‘it’s fine, you don’t have to tell me. I was just curious’ when he began speaking again.
“My granddaughter, Susan her name was. Curious little thing, wanted to learn everything that was to know.” He looked at his photos again. His smile was bitter sweet, and she was scared to ask but before she could stop herself her mouth was opening and saying-
“Was?” God Bill, well done. Go and depress the man why don’t you.
She didn’t even question the fact that he’s a grandfather, a father . He seemed the type. The fatherly type. The grandfatherly type, the one who would sit you on his lap and tell you about ‘the old days’. Not that she knew what that was like, but she had friends and they would tell her about their families. Well before falling into awkward silence when they realised they were talking about family with an orphan, anyway.
“Hmm, was. I don’t- “ he sighed before continuing and he sounded so old. Ancient in that one sigh, “I don’t know where she is now, if she’s alive or- or if she died in the war. I don’t know. And I don’t want to find out. Not really.” War?
“War? You’ve fought in a war?” She shouldn’t be surprised, he got this look in his eyes sometimes. Something so old, so hardened to the world. She could see him fighting in a war. It was a scary thought. She didn’t like it.
“I’ve fought in many. I’m not as young as I look you know?” He was a soldier, once. She didn’t like that thought, chose to forget it as much as she could.
God if he looked young now, she didn’t want to know what old looked like.
She was quiet for a second, thinking. “You- do you- you know, if you ever..want to... you know, talk.. about it. I’ll be here. I mean- I’d listen. If you wanted. It’s fine if not, I don’t know why I offered why would you want to talk about that with your stud-“ he cut off her panicked ramblings, scared he would be uncomfortable with the offer and kick her out.
He was smiling at her, “Perhaps another day, but I thank you..for the offer.” He was smiling, that’s all that mattered.
She smiled back, thinking about how he kept surprising her, wondering what the next surprise would be.
Another ten minutes passed in relative silence, the only sound was their breathing and the shuffling of essays The Doctor had gone back to.
She broke it, never looking up from her nail that she was picking at, “I’m sorry, about your granddaughter, Susan. I mean if she’s.. dead or somewhere you can’t get to. I’m sorry you can’t see her.”
He didn’t lift his head either but she knew he was listening this time, she didn’t know how. It was like she was always aware of his eyes, his attention. Like he was this massive thing that you could constantly feel at the base of your neck.
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. She knew. Knew what it was like to hear those kind of apologies. He heard her. That’s all that matters.
She reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. She hadn’t any plans on actually using it, more a distraction than anything, but she didn’t want to keep staring, making him feel like he was under a microscope.
She heard his pen start scratching against the papers again, not sure when he stopped.
They continued on in silence, until her phone died and he had finished with his marking.
They didn’t talk of anything important, just random thoughts that popped into their minds and debating them really.
It was one of the most fulfilling conversations she’d had in a long time. She couldn’t have this with Moira, they both tried but it just never.. happened. She tried not to be bitter about that, but she couldn’t always help it.
It hadn’t escaped her notice that she had ran to him, when the ‘water’ had scared her. Not Moira, even when she had just been on the phone with her. It hadn’t escaped her notice that, despite not knowing him all that long, she felt safer with him. That she knew he would help her, not think her crazy. He knew everything, and that would be a good excuse if that was what she was thinking at the time. It wasn’t. She just wanted to feel safe.
And it was him she felt safe with.
He was almost like.. like she would of thought her grandad would have been like, had she had one.
He didn’t treat her like a kid, or like an adult. He treated her like she would imagine family would.
Like someone to take seriously, because you knew them, trusted them even. That was a first for her, and she would treasure it. If that meant sitting in silence for a few hours and then talking about the most random things they could come up with? So be it. She would be for him what he had been for her. An outlet, in whatever way he needed.
Nardole had been in at one point, refilling his drink, and bringing Bill a coke, neither had noticed.
They weren’t ok, you never really were when you lose someone, no matter how long it had been, but they were here. They were here together. And that- that was good, that was -
That was good enough.
Life goes on. But that’s fine. They had eachother now. And they hopefully would for a long time.
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thats it lovelies, for now. :)