Work Text:
Uzi Doorman stared at the ceiling laying overhead. The blank metal stared at her, the reflection boring nails into her silicon skin.
Her bed was as it always was, the purple comforter completely clean, although wrinkled. She didn’t throw it over herself all too often.
N hadn’t talked to her in days, V in weeks. Around a month ago, her plan was set in motion. The plan of salvation often promised to her by the voices that occupied every shadow that laid anywhere. It would solve her main problem, the issue that plagued every moment of her being, awake or not.
To Serial Designation N, she mattered.
It was alien, a good feeling, but alien nonetheless.
There was no comfort in the unknown.
Uzi Doorman’s purple LEDs glowed back at her from her purely metal room. The bounce provided an ambiance she was all too used to, one of being alone.
It was comforting, although it did hurt. She knew this.
“This won’t solve anything.”
A robotic voice cut through the oppressive silence.
Uzi Doorman ignored that voice, the one that came from the Absolute Solver that inhabited her very flesh, occupying her soul.
“I am serious. This won’t solve anything. And I am the Solver.”
Uzi Doorman couldn’t trust anyone but herself. Everyone else was trying to keep her from the plan of salvation her voices had shared. The meticulous plan crafted from sheer necessity.
This needed to happen.
She didn’t believe that, but all at once she also did. It was and wasn’t, it was milk and also a physical absence of milk.
The plain truth was she didn’t know, but the unknown is not comforting to say at the very least.
Comfort from pain- is that all people chase? That was something Uzi Doorman often wondered. Everything her robotic species did seemed to come from a want of safety.
Safety flew from her life the second her eyes turned into hexagons.
Against all judgement, better or worse, Uzi Doorman responded to that chopped up voice.
“I know what I’m doing.”
The words didn’t even get a second to sink into the heavy air when the Absolute Solver responded, “That’s the issue.”
Uzi Doorman could not move to see the other half of the conversation. “Let me have peace. You only want me to not do it because you want me as a host!”
The sudden stifling silence spoke all the confirmation needed.
At that point, Uzi Doorman stopped hearing. The knowingness of her loneliness consumed all power she could direct.
Shakily, she forced herself up. Her boots met the floor with a clank she was all too aware of.
How long had those boots been glued to her feet? Days, months? At a point she stopped caring.
Her gaze lingered on a black binder that laid on the messy floor, filled with papers her father tore from the walls and ceilings. Papers she needed.
An overwhelming urge to go through it flooded her entire self, but her body refused to move. Uzi Doorman was not thinking of any of this.
She was excited to be given her final salvation. Her l exaltation that she was certain she qualified for.
As hope ran through her head, movement ran throughout her body. Steps after steps.
“Uzi! Where are ya going? Making up with N?” Khan called from the kitchen.
“Yeah!” Uzi Doorman replied, cheerily.
Khan Doorman smiled at his daughter’s joy, something he rarely saw.
This unawareness will not be tolerated.
Exiting the bunker didn’t happen to Uzi Doorman, it happened moreso to Uzi Doorman’s sack of metal she lived inside.
Was the outpost always so big?
Cold snapped at the entrance she made outside, bitterness whipping in the form of chills.
How was she to ever notice?
N landed in front of her, he likely had been waiting for her. Desperate for explanation or closure of what had occurred, his hands reached out.
Uzi Doorman grit her teeth at this complication.
“Uzi… I know what you said to me, and I wanted to say sorry for having d-“
“I meant it. Fuck off.”
She screamed at herself for those words, she hated herself for those words, she wanted to claw off her very silicon for ever even thinking to speak of any of it. Simultaneously, they were the most delicious words her blood loving mouth had ever tasted.
“U- Uzi- I understand I hurt you. I’m really sorry, I love you okay? I love you so much, I never meant to hurt you. Please darli-“
He was cut short by a glare.
“I don’t fucking care. I hate you N.”
She had never lied in such a way, a way that tore her soul.
Uzi Doorman ran before the consequences of her actions could ever even see their causation.
Her mind screamed for truth, her soul cried for who she was becoming and who she was. She wished she could be honest, she wished she could explain how she loved him and he was amazing and he was the best thing to ever happen to her: he just couldn’t return that. Yet he did.
Serial Designation N’s love ruined salvation.
Uzi Doorman needed salvation.
Her next memory would be the cliff that stood below her.
That is, if she didn’t take the leap to salvation.
As her final step to exaltation hurtled towards her, relief and comfort flooded her being.
No one cared, so this wouldn’t hurt anyone. N didn’t love her anymore. Khan never loved her.
All at once, Uzi couldn’t bear to watch anymore. She screamed at Uzi Doorman to stop, to accept care.
Uzi Doorman never listened to Uzi.