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Ever since Regulus was aware of the presence of the Gods, he knew he was destined to die by their hands. Their superstitious gazes were following Regulus since he could walk and their voices whispered behind his ears ever since he was capable of answering their questions. Regulus was destined to die by their hands, but he was never meant to die alone.

Fingers were digging into his shoulders. Wet. Soaked through. Forcefully pushing him downwards. Wet. Towards his downfall.

Sirius always told him Gods didn’t dictate their lives. He told him Gods were there to suck their lives away. Teutates wasn’t there for Regulus. Esus wouldn’t be there for Sirius in the end. His brother always told him the only people they could rely on were themselves. But then Sirius abandoned him and all Regulus had left were his Gods. Sirius left and let Regulus die alone. Sirius vanished and all his beliefs disappeared with him.

White robes floated on the surface of the ice-cold water. With every little movement, splashes of water spilled over the top of the basin on the solid ground. It was the ground of their ancestors. It was the ground that covered the bodies of the Gods’ previous victims. It was the ground where Regulus would soon join them.

It was an honour to die by their hands. His mother always told him it was the greatest sacrifice any member of their tribe could be blessed with. Their family was lucky enough that both of their sons were blessed to be offered to the Gods as a sign of devotion. It was a blessing.

As much as his family took pride in taking on the role of bringing salvation to their tribe, Regulus couldn’t help but think that sacrificing himself to the Gods was nothing more than a curse. Regulus wasn’t blessed, he was doomed and as much as his tribe worshipped his existence, he couldn’t help but think it wasn’t fair.

Regulus saw the Gods only once. Regulus saw Teutates in his dream the week after Sirius ran and Regulus lost all hope of him ever coming back. He was just there, staring at him. His pale skin was almost see-through, soaking in the harsh light of the full moon. He was tall and imposing. Black robes fell to his ankles and it seemed like he was floating a few centimetres above the ground. Teutates wasn’t glorious in Regulus’s eyes. Rather than that, Teutates was scary and dark, staring at Regulus as if he was just another pawn in his game. The worst thing about him was the lack of a nose. Instead, the middle of his face was adorned by a small hole that led to nowhere. Regulus saw the Gods only once. Ever since then, Regulus wished he’d never been involved. He wished he’d never have to be the blessed one. He wished he’d never have to die by their hands.

It was too late by then when Regulus stopped wanting to be a part of it. Instead, he yearned to follow in his brother’s footsteps and never have to face the Gods again. Perhaps it was the lack of oxygen or the debilitating fear that shook through his core, but Teutates was there again. Standing in the shadows, his tall figure was barely visible and it was staring at Regulus as he was dragged under the water. It was too late by then to run. Regulus was in their grasp and he was going to die.

When they were younger, the best thing they were allowed to do was listen to music. Their parents would hire local musicians to perform at their house at least twice a week. Most of the time, the music was lively and warm, fiddles and flutes filling the usually empty spaces of the cold house. Regulus would sit so close to them his ears hurt by the end of the night and his body couldn’t stop buzzing till the morning. He would sit and listen, fighting the urge to dance to the melody and he would smile and look at Sirius who would nod along to the music with twitching fingers at his sides. They would sit and listen because that’s what they were allowed to do.

When Sirius left, their parents hired their own personal musician who would play for Regulus any hour of any day. Rather than entertaining this poor attempt at distraction, Regulus stopped listening to music altogether. Without Sirius, the music seemed to lack the warmth and life that it never failed to provide before. Without Sirius, the house was cold, dead and dreary. The one thing, Regulus thought, that he wouldn’t miss after joining the Gods, would be going back to that house.

With Teutates’ stare at him, Regulus finally yielded, closing his eyes and sinking under the water, letting those strange hands of what he once believed belonged to people who loved him and offering himself as the needed sacrifice. The water hugged his body from head to toe, freezing, unforgiving. It would be the last thing Regulus would ever feel.

“They want me to hang, Reggie. How could you ever want that from your child?” Sirius asked him desperately, hands frantically moving to his perfectly styled hair and messing it up.

“Mother said it’s the Gods that demand it. They wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t necessary.”

Regulus wasn’t sure if what he was saying was the truth but forcing himself to believe otherwise would only make things worse. It was easier to just listen. It was easier to just sit and listen.

“Do you really believe that? What gods are they when they demand us to die? Why us? Why couldn’t they pick someone who was actually willing to go through with it?” his brother asked again, more urgent, more frustrated and so full of pain.

“We were blessed. Teutates and Esus chose us because…”

“I dare you to finish that sentence. I swear, Reggie…if you don’t stop talking, I’m gonna…” Regulus would remember the look that Sirius gave him for the rest of his life. He had never seen his brother as disappointed in him as he was now.

They stayed silent for a bit, Regulus trying to think of something that would fix this. For some reason, he felt like this wouldn’t end well for either one of them. What was Sirius trying to do? He knew it was inevitable. The Gods would find them wherever they went. There wasn’t another way. Both of them had to die as a sacrifice. It was written in the stars. It was them whom the Gods requested.

“Do you really want to stay here and do what…live? This isn’t life, Reggie. We can’t even touch each other so our hands would stay clean of calluses. We can’t even dress ourselves in case the material scratches our skin! Do you want to live like this? Do you want to die like this?”

Regulus didn’t answer at first, staring at his bare feet. Pale, clean, never put to proper use, free of calluses and any type of scars. He knew Sirius was right, but the Gods were watching, the Gods would never leave them alone. It was better if they just listened.

“Teutates and Esus don’t want us damaged when we join…”

“This is not you. That’s Mother talking inside your head. Why can’t you just stop looking for her approval for once and start thinking about this from your perspective? This is not about mother, this is not about the tribe, this is about you. Stop listening to everything you hear and start thinking for once in your life!” Seemingly fed up, Sirius shouted. It was a dangerous game to play. They weren’t allowed to shout so their vocal chords wouldn’t get sore.

Flinching, Regulus took a step back, hurt. It was the one thing he always envied his brother for; having the ability to be different and not be afraid to fall out of line. In all his life, Regulus wasn’t strong enough to not obey. In all his life, Regulus never stopped being scared.

It wasn’t fair of Sirius to want this from him now. It wasn’t fair of Sirius to expect a change. The Gods would find them. There was no escape.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Sirius. You can’t presume I’m going to change my beliefs just because you said so. That’s not fair.”

This time, Sirius didn’t look at him at all which was perhaps worse than if he did. His shoulders were shaking and his hands were gripping his hair almost painfully. Even now, Sirius was defying their rules. They weren’t allowed to hurt themselves.

“Is that what you believe? Truly?” Sirius asked. “Because if that’s the case, I won’t be able to help you,” he proclaimed and turned away from Regulus, staring at the family tapestry with clear disdain.

“Sirius, I-”

“Do you truly want to die for them? Do you want to sacrifice yourself to the gods who’ve done nothing but bring disaster upon us? Do you want to die for the tribe who cannot wait to finally kill us?”

For some unknown reason, Regulus knew that his answer would change everything. If he let Sirius leave now, they would never find their way to each other again. Sirius would be damned and not even their afterlives could bring them together after he’d turn on the Gods. If Sirius left now, Regulus would be the only sacrifice the tribe would have to offer. What would happen if they both left? Would Teutates destroy all the families in their tribe? Would Teutates kill them anyway?

From a young age, Regulus was afraid. Ever since he was aware of the Gods, he felt like someone was watching him every step of the way. Even if he left now, he wouldn’t be able to run too far.

Just a word was enough to destroy the only light Regulus has ever had in his life.

“Yes.”

A broken laugh left Sirius’ mouth and Regulus was almost sure he was crying. “I thought we were in this together. I thought you were different from this…different from them.”

Regulus didn’t answer, wasn’t sure if there was anything to answer. Sirius wasn’t asking anymore.

“I’m leaving, Reggie, and I want you to leave with me, but if this is what you truly want then I can’t stand in your way. Die for them for all I care because I don’t. I don’t care, Regulus. You’ll die for nothing and you’ll remember this when you finally change your mind. But it’s gonna be too late by then. You’re gonna die because you were too afraid of taking in the possibility that the gods don’t want what's best for us…because you were too much of a coward to realise that there are no gods. Die, Regulus but I’m not dying and I’m not gonna watch you die either,” Sirius finally finished and looked at him for one last time.

Regulus desperately fought the tears gathering in his eyes. It was one of the worst things anyone has ever said to him, but Sirius was right. Regulus was a coward. He was going to die by the Gods’ hands because he was too afraid of what would happen if he didn’t. Regulus was a coward and even if he wanted to leave with his brother and try to outrun his destiny, Regulus was too afraid to try.

“Okay,” he answered simply, devoid of all emotion, locking inside himself to not show a single hint of hesitation on his face. “Go, then.”

Exasperated, Sirius looked at him some more and then he turned towards the door. “I thought you were better than this.”

Regulus thought of that conversation when he was led towards the basin full of water. Regulus thought of that conversation when white robes were put on his body to emphasise his purity. Regulus thought of that conversation when ancient prayers were spoken before the ritual. Regulus thought of that conversation when a symbolic ring believed to belong to Teutates was put on his ring finger. Regulus thought of it when he started drowning.

When Regulus imagined what dying would feel like, he thought it would be peaceful, painless and freeing. Now, that he was dying, all he could feel was coldness, agony and the overwhelming feeling of regret.

Somewhere in the middle of his death throes, Regulus started to struggle, thrashing in his people’s hold, fighting to be let up to the surface. His lungs were screaming at him for more oxygen but there was no more to take anymore. Regulus was dying and there wasn’t a way out.

Sirius was right.

Regulus didn’t want to die for a tribe that didn’t care about him. Regulus didn’t want to die for Gods that weren’t good. But it was too late and Regulus was dying and he would be dead before managing to admit that he was wrong.

If he had the chance, Regulus would run now. If he had the chance, Regulus would try and find a different way out.

Regulus was dying and his last thoughts were filled with wishes to come back in time and join his brother.

Finally, his lungs gave out and the ringing in his ears ceased as he approached his final living moments. Finally, death started to feel like all he imagined. Peaceful, calm and quiet.

And then something circled his waist and pulled him back. Drops slid down his skin and his robes and back to the water where they belonged. His lungs exploded with anguish as they desperately tried to will all the water out and replace it with air.

Punishing hands were no longer on his shoulders, but a rather large person single-handedly pulled Regulus out of the basin and down on the ground of their ancestors. With a loud thud, both of them collapsed on the soil.

“Stand back,” someone said not too far away from them.

Regulus was heaving all the water out, leaning as close to the ground as was possible and just letting it all flow out. His body was suffering from violent shivers and the returned ringing in his ears almost popped his skull open.

“You can’t defy the Gods! He is what they demand!” someone else shouted but its volume was overwhelming and Regulus couldn’t concentrate on his surroundings and his head was spinning and he was so, so cold. What was happening?

“Fuck your gods, ma’am. We’re taking him and there’s nothing you can do about it, so stand back or this is not gonna end well for none of you.”

The ringing in his ears continued and Regulus just lay there on the ground, trying to breathe for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. The robes were clinging to his skin and it was difficult to move, especially when someone took a hold of his waist again and heaved him up to his feet.

“Sirius! Can we go?” the other voice asked and now it sounded much closer, almost right next to his ear. It was the name, though, that gave Regulus a pause.

“Give us a minute, Prongs. He hasn’t managed to take a proper breath yet.” It was said by the person who was holding him. Only now did Regulus realise they were talking to him this whole time. “Hey, Reggie. I think you got it all out now, so I really need you to take a breath, yes?” they said and the nickname brought something forward. Regulus knew it was important but he couldn’t focus. Regulus still couldn’t breathe.

“I didn’t come all the way here and risked my life to see you die now, Regulus. Take a breath now.” It was with this order that Regulus finally managed to listen and take a deep breath. That’s what he was good at; listening and obeying.

Sweet air invaded his lungs and it was like his body got hit by lightning. When Regulus thought he had his breathing back under control, his body jerked in those unfamiliar hands as he started sobbing uncontrollably.

“Sirius!”

The person that was holding him still spoke to Regulus but it was too unbearable by then. His eyes were glassy and snot was dripping down his chin, mouth twisted in a painful expression while Regulus just couldn’t stop sobbing.

“Fuck. I’m going to carry him. Let’s go!”

Those words seemed to have all the power in the world. All of a sudden, bodies were passing them and the shouts were getting farther and farther away from them. Someone slid a hand below his shoulders and another one under his knees and then, Regulus was in the air, hoisted up like a toddler and carried through the masses of bodies around them. Lights flickered all around and sometimes they would move away just for them to be replaced with another one in the next moment. Regulus’ head was spinning and even though his stomach was completely void of any excess water, it was twisting in discomfort, wanting to empty itself one more time.

Those hands that were holding him were strong and sure. No one has ever held Regulus like this since he was a baby. Something about it was reassuring and in all his panic and confusion, he managed to hold on to that person and let himself be carried away.

Afterwards, Regulus was put onto a solid surface and something warm was thrown over his shoulders. He had almost reached out for the warm body again but was stopped when his hands were forcefully manoeuvred into what felt like the sleeves of a coat. In another minute, the surface beneath him moved and Regulus was taken away from what he always considered his home.

Regulus was alive.

“Lily, come look at him, please. He’s not responding.”

Regulus was alive and now, gentle hands were cradling his face and tilting it this and that way and Regulus wasn’t sure if he truly died and if this was what heaven looked like.

“Regulus? My name is Lily. Can you hear me?” It was a woman. Those hands belonged to a woman and they were gentle and warm and Regulus didn’t know what to do. “Okay, I think he’s just in shock. He’s looking at me but he’s not here. It’s going to take some time before he’s fully responsive again. I’ll also need more coats and blankets, he’s freezing and we have to warm him up,” she said and caressed his cheek. “Regulus, I’m going to take your hand in mine, okay?” she asked and waited for something.

More clothes were thrown around his shoulders, legs and feet and then hands gripped his freezing fingers and held them close to the girl's body.

“Regulus, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you do.”

This Regulus could manage. He put all his will into making his freezing fingers cooperate with his mind and squeezed the girl’s hand. For some reason, Regulus felt safe. He was awfully aware of how close he came to death, still not really convinced he wasn’t dead but something about her and about the person that carried him here, made him feel safe. Most importantly, they made him feel real.

“Good, Regulus. Thank you. I’m going to ask some questions now. Squeeze once for yes, twice for no. Do you understand?”

A squeeze.

“Very good. Do you know what happened?” she asked and…wasn’t that the question of the century? How could Regulus possibly know what happened? How was he supposed to know? “Squeeze once for yes, twice for no,” she reminded him when no answer came.

Regulus squeezed her hands twice with great difficulty.

“Okay. Do you want me to explain?”

Yes.

“Good,” she praised him again, her voice suddenly right next to him. “You were supposed to be sacrificed to the gods, do you remember?”

How could Regulus ever forget? He squeezed her hands once.

“That’s very good, Regulus. You’re doing a very good job. Do you remember Sirius?”

Regulus frowned, trying to look at the girl through his haze. What was with these questions? How could he ever forget Sirius? He squeezed her hands once, digging his fingers into her palms.

“What did he say?” someone asked and Regulus almost recognised the voice.

“He said yes, Sirius. Dug his nails right into my knuckles. He’s got an awful lot of attitude even though he’s unresponsive.”

A shocked laugh could be heard from somewhere and then: “That’s my Reggie.”

“Your brother is our friend and he gathered as many of us as he managed to save you from being drowned. Do you understand?” she whispered in his ear as if it would be easier to understand if she sat closer to him.

But Regulus didn’t understand. How could Sirius ever come back for him? Sirius left and was never meant to return. Regulus has made his peace with that. She must’ve been lying. He squeezed her hands twice.

She was quiet for a bit before caressing his cheek again. Her hand wasn’t as warm now as it was before which is what she must have noticed too because, in the next moment, she moved away from him. “That’s okay. I think you’re in too much shock at the moment. Just know that you are safe and nothing’s going to happen to you, okay? You are safe now.”

And wasn’t that so nice to hear? Wasn’t that everything that Regulus had ever wanted? Regulus wanted to squeeze her hand in answer but she wasn’t holding onto him anymore. His fingers closed around nothing, his eyes started drooping and his head rolled backwards to lean on the solid surface behind him.

The girl patted him on his covered knee. “Get some sleep. We’ll wake you when we get home.”

Home.

Regulus wished he knew what she meant by that.

When Regulus woke up again, it was to a face he’d thought he’d never see again. If he weren’t so exhausted, his reaction would perhaps be more grand than the wide-eyed look he shot towards his brother. However, all his limbs were heavy and sleepy, so detached, in fact, Regulus had to look at them to check if they were all still there.

“Sirius?” he croaked out, his voice sore and raspy. The phantom feeling of cold water was still fresh in his memory, making it so utterly impossible to speak up.

His brother’s answering smile was brighter than thousands of suns and his hands on Regulus’ shoulders were even warmer than that. “Hey, Reggie,” he said quietly, almost as if he wanted to prolong this tenderness between them with as few words as possible.

It seemed like it was another day. A warm breeze slipped through his hair and settled somewhere below his feet. Late sun rays were shining down on them and made Sirius’ smile that much brighter. It was another day. Regulus thought he’d never see the sun again.

“Sirius, I- what,” he started but a lump got stuck in his throat and made him feel like he would have to throw up before speaking ever again.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sirius assured him, his hands sliding up and down Regulus’ arms tenderly. “You were out for a bit but that’s understandable since you almost died yesterday. I got you out. You’re here with me now. You are safe.”

Regulus looked at his brother, confused at what he meant. His stomach was so heavy. Grimacing, Regulus shifted his weight forward, preparing to puke the remaining contents of his stomach out when Sirius pushed him right back.

“No more throwing up. You’ll make yourself sicker than you already are,” Sirius warned him and presented him with a small vial of an unknown liquid. “Lily prepared this for you. It’s supposed to calm your stomach.”

Without any protests, Regulus took the vial in his shaking fingers and slowly tipped it to his mouth. It tasted like mint, ginger and honey and it slid down his throat easily. His stomach was still queasy but it didn’t hurt anymore.

“Do you think you can get up?”

Regulus shook his head, looking at his legs and waiting for them to move without any success.

“Okay, I’ll have to carry you then. We can’t stay here, so you’ll just have to hold on.”

Sirius made a move towards Regulus to apparently pick him up. A distant memory of Regulus being in the same position came to him, but he quickly shook it off. “No,” he whispered, shaking his head frantically. “Touch…can’t.”

It took a while until his brother understood what Regulus meant, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion before he finally looked at him with pity in his eyes. “It’s okay,” he said, “we’re allowed now.”

Disbelief settled in the pit of his stomach as he stared at Sirius. “But…the Gods…”

The look in Sirius’ eyes made Regulus even more dizzy than he was until then. His gaze was so sad and full of sorrow. “They don’t matter now. You are out. They don’t dictate our lives anymore.”

Hearing it was much more difficult than Regulus could have ever anticipated. It was only the confirmation that it was really over. Regulus was out and he couldn’t come back to his old life because he would die and that wasn’t something he wanted to do from now on. And as much as Regulus wanted to believe what Sirius was saying and believe that he was free of them, he couldn’t stop thinking it was just a matter of time until they found him again.

Teutates saw him run. He was there in the shadows, waiting for Regulus to join him. How angry must have he been when he saw Regulus run? How much was Regulus going to suffer for his disobedience?

Teutates wanted him dead. How could Regulus ever escape that?

“But he…he…”

Sirius shook his head and interrupted Regulus’ stuttering: “He’s not here, Regulus. I know it’s a shock now because you were led to believe something your whole life, but he’s not here. He was never here. It’s over now and I need you to trust me on that.”

Regulus could tell Sirius that he saw Teutates with his own eyes. Regulus could try and argue that Sirius wasn’t right, not in this. Teutates was there and he was always watching. Now, Regulus was out of reach and he could only imagine how much worse his punishment was going to be once he found Regulus again.

“Look, you either stand up and follow me or you’ll let me touch you. I promise I won’t damage you. I’ll be very gentle, okay?”

This, Regulus could get over with. He nodded doubtfully but let himself be picked up in the air, clinging to Sirius’ shoulders for dear life.

“Good, don’t let go.”

There were many visible changes in Sirius. Firstly, he wasn’t as thin and lanky anymore. It was obvious he spent much time working and exercising since leaving their tribe. The arms holding him were sure and strong, filled with muscle that wasn’t there just a few years ago. Secondly, his face and hands were littered with scars. His cheeks and nose were red from the sun, damaged, and not suitable as a sacrifice to the Gods. Regulus couldn’t stop wondering if Sirius truly didn’t feel any obligation to the Gods. How could he ever do this to his body if he wasn’t fully convinced he was free of them? What is more, if Sirius truly believed there were no Gods…how did he do it in the first place?

In contrast with Regulus, Sirius looked like a proper man. Unlike the version that Regulus was familiar with, Sirius was so alive in comparison. Regulus wondered what caused all these changes and if Sirius made them on purpose or if they just came with the accumulating time out of the tribe.

The walk wasn’t too long before they reached some kind of a settlement with at least twenty houses. People were hustling about and multiple fires were lit in various locations. It was less noble and furnished than what Regulus was used to from his tribe, but it still seemed more vibrant than what he knew from home.

Adults and children were running around, screaming, laughing or just existing freely without any restrictions. Their tribe was always firm about rules and discipline and no one could afford to be the odd one out. Here, it seemed like it didn’t matter.

In no time, Regulus was set in front of one of the fires with a blanket over his shoulders and a brief explanation from Sirius that ‘he’s gonna be back in a minute and that he just has to find Remus first’. Regulus didn’t know who Remus was or why Sirius had to find him, but he was content with just sitting and listening.

He couldn’t help but look around him every few seconds, expecting Teutates to come out of nowhere and tackle him to the ground with him. However, the more time passed, the less likely it seemed to happen. Teutates, for all Regulus knew, wasn’t there. The only thing that reminded Regulus of him was the ceremonious ring on his finger.

As he was waiting, Regulus fiddled with it, not daring to take it off just yet, but finding some kind of liberation in the action. Regulus didn’t die. That was the reality. For the first time since he was born, the future was far from reaching with no one there to determine it for him. The ring was the only certainty in his life at the moment. Teutates was coming for him. That was a fact. The only thing Regulus didn’t know was how much time he had before he was seized by the grasp of his destiny once again.

A hand touched his shoulder and then a body sat next to him. Regulus was startled but calmed down once he realised it was just Sirius. A bowl was pushed into his lap with some warm liquid and then another body sat on his other side.

“Eat up. You need some strength after what you’ve been through.”

Instead, Regulus looked at the other body next to him. A man with several scars across his face was smiling down at him, his figure so tall Regulus wouldn’t be surprised if he was the tallest man Regulus had ever met. He should be imposing, but for some reason, something about his eyes spoke differently.

Remus turned out to be a person who was apparently an expert at helping people with stiff limbs. After Regulus finished his soup, Remus dropped to his knees in front of him, wincing and seemingly suffering from stiff limbs himself but took Regulus’ legs in his hands nonetheless and proceeded to do some kind of magic in just a matter of moments in which all of the stiffness stopped being a considerable problem anymore.

By the time Remus was done with whatever he was doing, Regulus could actually feel his legs again.

“What did you do?”

Remus smirked up at him, using the log Regulus was sitting on to support himself on his way up. “Got the blood flow moving again, loosened some muscles, nothing major,” he answered as if it was no big deal and as if he didn’t just manage to fix something Regulus thought would be broken forever.

Regulus stared at him in shock, his mouth opening slightly as he moved his legs to a more comfortable sitting position. “Thank you.”

The sun was already setting and Regulus didn’t know if he should be concerned by the amount of time he spent unconscious or if he should take it as a good sign that it was another evening which he’d never hoped to see again. Slowly, more people joined them around the fire, throwing kind and friendly smiles in Regulus’ way and sitting down next to their families. The fire was big and warm and gradually, all of the stiffness in his limbs melted away. There was a comfortable volume to the conversations the others were having while eating their dinners and Regulus just watched and tried to take it in.

In his tribe, Regulus wasn’t allowed to spend time with the others. It wasn’t a part of his noble responsibilities, there were too many possibilities for him to hurt himself and damage his body. Sitting there and being a part of something was a completely new feeling and Regulus didn’t know how to deal with it.

Hesitantly, he leaned closer to Sirius and asked quietly: “What is this place?”

Sirius took his eyes off some group of girls at the other end of the fire, seemingly having the same reaction to this commotion as Regulus, despite the fact it was years since his brother must’ve experienced this for the first time. “We don’t call ourselves anything, really.” He shrugged. “Most of these people were in the same positions as we were,” he explained and leaned closer, looking at the group again. “Dorcas was supposed to be sacrificed to Esus. She didn’t really like that, so she took her stuff in the middle of the night and just left when she was around ten.”

Regulus’ eyebrows grew impossibly high as he tried to figure out who exactly Dorcas was from all those people. “Ten?”

Snorting, his brother shook his head. “Yeah, I couldn’t believe it. Can you imagine?” he asked with awe in his voice, not waiting for Regulus’ response. “Marlene was in the same tribe as her but was supposed to be sacrificed to Taranis. Dorcas took her that night and they escaped together.” As he said it, something wistful laced his words.

Regulus looked at him curiously, still not used to the unfamiliar roundness on Sirius’ face. What seemed like a pained look adorned his brother’s face, but he didn’t comment on it.

“Mary ran away the night before she was supposed to be sacrificed to Teutates. She ran away with Alice who was also supposed to be sacrificed to Esus,” he continued and told Regulus about the other members of the community as if it was normal.

There were so many people who were supposed to have the same fates as the two of them. Regulus couldn’t understand how this could ever happen since from his birth, he was led to believe that he was the blessed one and that it was a privilege to be sacrificed to the Gods. But now he was sitting there, looking at all the people who were apparently blessed as well and due to whom Regulus realised that everything he ever believed in was a lie.

“I thought we were the only ones,” Regulus whispered, shivering under the blanket even though it was so hot near the fire.

Sirius nodded, placing one of his hands on Regulus' knee and squeezing. The gesture was still so unfamiliar that Regulus jerked away, the ghosts from the past still haunting him. They weren’t supposed to be touching other people so they would stay pure for the Gods. Was that a lie too?

“We were raised to believe we were the only ones,” Sirius answered, putting his hand back in his lap. “Every single one of us was raised to believe we were the only ones,” he said and his gaze turned angry. “But then you come to a place like this where everyone is just like you and you ask yourself: How many other people died just the way we were supposed to and didn’t know about this? How many other people are there, suffering just the same as we were? Did we go through all of that for nothing?”

Regulus was quiet for a while, trying to take it all in. If he had died yesterday, would it be for nothing? If he had died yesterday, would he die without knowing there were so many other people like him? Teutates was waiting for him, but did it mean he was watching other people as well? Was Regulus just one of the blessed ones? Were Gods this greedy to want multiple victims at the same time? Was everything that Regulus believed in a lie? Why would his tribe ever lie to him? Why would they want to kill him if there was no reason for it after all?

Once again, Regulus remembered Teutates' face, his imposing figure and his taunting gaze. Was all of that just a lie too?

“Sirius.”

Without hesitation, Sirius paid him all of his attention. “What is it?”

Following a deep breath, Regulus exhaled, clenching and relaxing his fists. “I’m sorry,” he said, twisting the ring on his finger. Everything was a lie. “I did regret it.”

“What?” Sirius asked, confused, his face orange from the fire, warm and alive.

“When you left,” Regulus clarified, looking down at the ground and hoping it would swallow him. “I regretted not leaving with you. I’m sorry I didn’t,” he breathed out loudly.

There wasn’t any answer for a long time. Next to him, Sirius didn’t move a muscle and just stared at him in disbelief. Regulus risked a brief look at him and immediately wished he didn’t. It was the same haunted look Regulus was all too familiar with.

It was quiet for a while, only murmurs of the others filling the space between them and then: “You are here now.”

A hand appeared near his knee again but didn’t land this time. Regulus looked at it, contemplating. Everything was a lie. With little hesitation, he took the hand in between his palms and pressed it to his chest.

The body next to him relaxed visibly and fingers intertwined with his gently, just holding on, warm and alive.

Apparently, every resident of the community was expected to contribute to the work around the settlement. Surprisingly, Sirius was part of the carpenters who built all the houses and furniture, chopped wood and assembled it together in piles that made sense according to them.

From what Regulus gathered, Sirius was the youngest member of the woodworkers and as strong as he seemed to be now, it was nothing in comparison with the others.

“I don’t think you should join me and the lads,” Sirius said as he explained all of this to him the next morning. A hand between his shoulder blades, warm and alive, led him through the houses and showed him all the different sections where people stayed and worked during the day. “It took a lot of charm and sheer stubbornness for them to let me in. They looked at me as soon as I came in and told me I was too skinny and that I would keel over,” he explained, walking Regulus to the far side of the settlement. “I told them to go fuck themselves and that I didn’t need their permission to join them,” he went on and then smirked. “They all shut up and let me do my work.”

Regulus looked at him briefly, imagining the scene in his head and trying not to smile. He had no doubt Sirius had no issues with establishing his position here. “I don’t think I want to be a carpenter, Sirius.”

The hand on his back moved to his shoulder and squeezed. “What would you like to do then?” Sirius asked earnestly.

And that was the question, wasn’t it? What did Regulus want to do? Regulus thought he would be dead by now, he never thought about what would come after. He never thought about what would happen if he had the opportunity to actually choose what he wanted to do.

“What options are there?” he asked instead.

Another squeeze to his shoulder. “Well, there’s blacksmiths but that’s pretty much off limits. That’s Barty’s and Evan’s territory and they will not let you mess it up,” he said, pointing to a house on the other side of the land. “You could tend to the animals? But I don’t know how you’d get on with them. Even I have respect for them and I’ve been around for some time already. It’s quite a shock after you’ve never been able to interact with them, but Minnie’s really nice and she wouldn’t hesitate to give you a chance if you wanted to,” he explained. “She’s in charge of the animals.”

Regulus tried to picture himself milking the cows or watering the horses and his whole body shook violently. “No animals for me, thank you.”

Sirius nodded. “No, I get it. They’re scary.”

“So what else?”

“There are fishermen, hunters and gatherers but that would require you leaving for multiple days at a time and I’m not really comfortable with that if that’s okay. I really don’t want to lose you again and I would feel better if you stayed here with me,” Sirius stated, rubbing his chin, deeply in thought. “You could be a cook or a baker. Effie and Monty are really nice and would love to help you. They took me in when I first came here, I’m sure they wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for you. There are farmers, tailors, weavers, shoemakers and so many other little jobs. It just really depends on what you would like to do. Help’s needed everywhere.”

Overwhelmed, Regulus tried to look around and maybe try and figure out what he would be good at and what he would enjoy. But as much as he thought about it, the less sure he was about any option. There were too many possibilities. Regulus never had that and now that he did, he was lost.

Never in his life could he choose to do anything. Everything was always decided for him. How was he supposed to go from nothing to everything?

In the end, he forced himself to calm down and ask: “What does Remus do?”

Sirius' mouth crooked into an amused smile. “Oh, he is a healer during the day but one hell of a bard during the night.”

“A bard?”

“Yeah,” Sirius laughed. “He plays the harp and is fucking good at it.” His eyes sparkled as he said it and the hand on Regulus' shoulder squeezed that much firmer.

It seemed like something got stuck in his brain as he looked at Regulus. “You could be a healer if you wanted to, but it's hard. Most people give up after a few days because they can't handle the pressure. We have three healers at the moment: Remus, Lily and Poppy and they are all really nice and I think you would like it with them, actually,” Sirius contemplated and shook Regulus from one side to the other. “I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner.”

Regulus looked at his brother, intrigued. “You think I should be a healer?”

Sirius hummed. “I think you'd be rather good at it, don't you?”

“Even with all the pressure the others weren't able to deal with?”

His brother sniggered mischievously and answered without a single hint of hesitation: “Especially with all the pressure the others weren't able to deal with.”

Twisting the ring around his finger, Regulus took what Sirius was saying and tried to envision it. Helping people who were sick, caring for people who couldn't care for themselves, and being able to save people who couldn't help themselves. Blood, sickness, infections, danger but also the reward he would get after a successful job. Regulus always wished he could do more and this would be the perfect opportunity to do so. Regulus thought of Lily and how she helped him in the cart on the way to the community. He also thought of Remus and how he helped him with his stiff limbs. Regulus wouldn't mind doing all of that and being useful for once.

As a healer, he wouldn't have to be afraid of not being capable of helping. If he knew how to heal people, he would never have to feel so powerless again.

Determined, Regulus nodded. “Okay. I want to try.”

The house dedicated to healers was located pretty much in the middle of the settlement. Sirius explained that it would be easier for everyone to get equal access to the house if they needed any kind of support. In some way, it made sense. In the other way, it made Regulus even more nervous.

It meant he would be visible from all sides and everyone could watch him mess it up and consequently give up as every other person did before him.

Nevertheless, Regulus didn't know what other option there was for him and he was willing to at least try. The Gods knew he never had the opportunity to try and be good at something before.

Sirius’ hand was still on his shoulder as he led him inside, calling: “Moons!” so loud Regulus was sure everyone in the settlement heard him.

A head popped out from the far side of the house, a concerned expression on its face. Remus made his way towards them, obviously assessing for damage. “Are you okay? Are you still unwell, Regulus?” he asked, his forehead scrunching concerningly low.

Regulus gulped loudly and looked at his brother, hoping he would be the one to explain what they were doing there. Unfortunately, Sirius was apparently determined to let Regulus do things for himself now and only encouraged him to speak with a solid nod.

Opening his mouth and closing it again like a fish, Regulus contemplated if this was a good idea after all. “I um-,” he started, looking everywhere but at Remus.

Sirius nudged his shoulder gently. “It's okay, Reggie. Remus doesn't bite,” he said, squeezing and shaking Regulus as if he hasn't had enough of doing that constantly since they reunited. “He bites only if you want him to,” he added and winked at Remus.

Regulus looked at Sirius in shock. What did that even mean?

“For fuck's sake, give him a break, Sirius. Don't you see he's been on edge ever since we got him back?”

Remus came closer, his tall figure still so startling but only less so with the accumulating days in his presence.

“Are you okay, Regulus?” he asked, lowering himself to Regulus' level which was perhaps not as considerate as he thought it was.

Now that they were even, Regulus was that more hesitant to speak.

“Yes, I um- I am okay, thank you,” he whispered to the ground, feeling awfully cowardly. What has happened to him? Despite Regulus always being oppressed and controlled, he's never been so meek and embarrassing. Before, Regulus was able to keep it together and act like he was untouched by the outside world. It was as if the near-death experience alternated everything Regulus ever knew and changed him from the core. As it was, Regulus hated what had become of him in these past hours, tightening his hands into fists and bracing himself for what he would do next. “I would like to try and become a healer like you guys,” he finally got out and looked Remus dead in the eye. He could do this.

“Oh.” There was evident surprise in Remus’ voice as he looked first at Regulus and then at Sirius. “Are you sure? This job isn't easy,” he warned.

Regulus took a deep breath before answering: “I'm sure.”

He wasn't sure. Regulus didn't think he would ever be certain of anything but he had to start somewhere and this was good as anything.

Sirius squeezed his shoulder one last time before finally letting him go. Surprisingly, Regulus found himself missing the touch immediately.

“Okay, then. That's good. We definitely need more help around here, so we don't really have a reason to say no,” Remus said. “But I have to tell you now before it's too late that if it ever gets too much, you just tell me, Lily or Poppy and we will understand, okay? No hard feelings, just tell us and we will deal with it.”

Regulus circled his arms around his waist, trying to ignore the nervous twisting of his stomach. “Thanks.”

That seemed to be Sirius’ cue as he suddenly moved towards Remus, pecking him on the lips and leaving with a loud: “Okay then, enjoy this little nightmare, Moony! I'll expect you both to come back to me unscathed!”

Staring behind him, an awkward silence settled in the hut as Regulus tried to process what he just witnessed. “Are you two together?” he asked, still watching the entrance, perhaps waiting if an answer would hit him on its own.

When Remus didn't answer, Regulus turned back to him, raising his eyebrows at the gobsmacked expression on Remus' face. Opening and closing his mouth, his fingers reached to his lips, shaking and touching the skin there delicately. His gaze shifted to Regulus before an obtuse grin spread across his face, showing off his dimples and scrunching up the freckles on his nose almost comically.

“I guess?” he answered breathlessly, his fingertips still touching his bottom lip.

Regulus groaned, putting his face into his palms. “I can't believe that my brother, of all people, has caused you to act like a lovestruck girl.”

Remus’ grin only exponentially grew.

The first days at the infirmary have been quite uneventful with Remus piling texts after texts of medical information into Regulus' arms and ordering him to read and remember everything. That was why Regulus spent most of his days hunched over a table just reading and reading until his head spun with the amount of knowledge that he tried to will inside his mind.

From all the things that Regulus was ever restricted from, reading did not belong to this category and he was very accustomed to absorbing facts after facts from tedious hours of studying one sentence after the other.

Most of the knowledge that he has ever acquired has come from scrolls and was only theoretical. Regulus has never put his knowledge to practice and it was frustrating that he was put in the background for the time being. For a while, it felt like nothing had changed at all and Regulus was back at that house, trying to drown his sorrow in stories that did not belong to him.

On his second day as the healers’ apprentice, Regulus met Poppy - the chief healer of the settlement - who was delighted at his choice of occupation. First, she hugged Remus, then Lily and finally, even Regulus, welcoming him to the family and persuading him to come for dinner at her and her wife's house. Reluctantly, Regulus accepted (only because any other answer seemed too rude and Poppy was not the type of person that Regulus would want to be rude to) which is how he found himself occupied by injured animals one evening, figuring out for the first time that they were actually not that bad…that was if they didn't attempt to snatch his food right out of his plate.

Patients came and went but Regulus never interacted with them, putting all his focus into studying and hurrying up the process of actually doing something.

Every week, there would be social gatherings at one of the campfires where Remus and some other people would play their instruments while others danced around the fire or sang along to the melodies. Every week, Regulus was content to sit down and take it all in.

Surprisingly, people there seemed to be happy…truly happy. No one was pretending or masking their feelings. All of them were family and it was visible in the way they interacted with each other or in the way they were capable to co-exist with each other completely in peace.

Mostly, no one bothered him as he sat alone and watched them. Sometimes Sirius would join him and ask if he was okay and peculiarly, Regulus found himself telling the truth as he answered “yes” every time.

Even as he stared into the darkness of the surrounding woodland, expecting a familiar imposing figure to ambush him and take him away, it was never there when he looked. Each day, the ring around his finger felt heavier and heavier.

It was his third week at the settlement when a person who wasn't his brother joined him in his usual spot by the fire. Regulus pretended not to notice and continued staring into the flames in front of him, hoping that if he pretended long enough, the person would just go away.

But then the person spoke and Regulus was not capable of ignoring them anymore.

“Hey.” Their voice was rich and smooth, almost meddling with the licks of the fire.

Regulus mouthed a reply and finally found the courage to look at the person. Immediately, he knew he should have never done it if he ever wanted to be normal about anything ever again.

Deep hazel eyes looked back at him, attentive and searching. A lazy grin was spreading over the man's face as he buried his fingers in his wild hair and tugged at it nervously.

“I'm James, one of Sirius' friends, but I wasn't able to say hi to you after the rescue mission,” he said, lowering his hand and putting it on his knee instead. “I had to travel to the neighbouring community to trade some materials but I thought this is better than nothing,” he explained and extended his hand. It was big and clammy and just there.

Regulus looked at him, trying to gulp down all the saliva that had pooled in his mouth.

“You're the one who argued with Mother,” Regulus stated, staring at the extended hand. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to touch it yet.

James looked at him funnily, tilting his head and rapidly speeding up the beating of Regulus’ heart. “What?”

“Fuck your gods, ma'am,” Regulus elaborated. “That's what you said.”

He didn't know why the memory was coming back to him just now but suddenly, it was like Regulus was there again, hearing it so clearly he had to pinch the skin on his arm to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

James’ hand faltered. “Oh, yeah, I-”

All at once, a small body crashed into James’ side, sending him against Regulus’ body and stopping whatever James wanted to say with a high-pitched screech.

A little boy forced his way into James' lap, his arms circling James’ neck. “Daddy! Mummy said you'll help me with my rock castle! Will you?”

Regulus' heart dropped right down into the bottom of his trousers as he watched the boy squirm in James’ lap.

Slowly putting his arms around the boy, James smirked at the almost identical replica of him. “Did she really say that!?”

The boy jumped into James' arms. “Yes! She said you promised!”

James laughed, deep and unguarded, so happy and free and punching the breath out of Regulus' lungs.

Rubbing his chin, James looked like he was deeply contemplating the offer before he looked at the boy with what seemed like the utmost importance. “Hmm, okay but first say hi to Uncle Reggie, he's Uncle Pads’ brother,”

Still not breathing, Regulus pinched his skin again. The boy's eyes, perhaps the only distinct thing from his father, focused on Regulus before a small hand reached out to him in the same way that James' did just a few moments before. “Hi! I'm Harry!” the boy exclaimed, showing the teeth gaps in his mouth.

Regulus looked at James first, trying to figure out if it was okay to touch his kid. Regulus' parents would never let anyone touch him, but then James nodded and Regulus took Harry's hand carefully and showed off the kindest smile he was capable of. “Hi Harry, it's nice to meet you.”

The boy grinned at him, mimicking his father's actions as he looked at James again.

“Uncle Reggie is learning to be a healer with Uncle Remus. We like the infirmary, don't we, Harry?” he asked.

Harry nodded enthusiastically in answer. “Yes! Uncle Moony shows me pictures and always tickles me when I can't see them!” he shrieked and giggled as James started tickling him.

“That's right, Haz. Maybe next time, Uncle Reggie will be there with him so you can help him with his studies,” James suggested to his son, whose head tipped back and forward repeatedly.

“I'll help Uncle Reggie next time!”

“That's right, baby. Now, why don't you show me the castle?”

Harry cried out in excitement as he jumped off James' legs and ran off into a crowd of more children.

James stood up, brushing off invisible dirt from his trousers as he looked at Regulus again. “Duty calls. It was nice meeting you, Regulus,” he said and extended his hand for the second time.

Hesitantly, Regulus accepted the gesture and fought with the urge to run as far away from the man as possible. “Likewise.”

And then he was off, leaving Regulus to sit by himself by the fire, letting him ponder whatever he'd done to deserve this kind of torture.

Afterwards, Regulus’ life was filled with more medical information, more gatherings around the campfire, restless sleep on the spare cot in Sirius’ and Remus’ house, studying and absorbing, sitting and just listening. Afterwards, Regulus’ life was filled with hazel eyes and messy hair and with big and clammy hands and side-lopped grins.

Every once in a while, Regulus would look around the settlement and look for one particular person until he decided he was pathetic enough for the day when he was of no luck and returned to reading. Every time he heard a kid’s voice, his head would automatically lift up in search of a very particular boy.

Instead of turning around on his cot at night, wondering when would Teutates finally come back for him, it was full of confusing thoughts and desires. Regulus has never felt anything remotely similar to that and it made him lose focus. His studies slowed down drastically and his attention was too easily snatched by a single glimpse of brown hair.

No one in the infirmary seemed to mind his sudden lack of motivation, patting him on the shoulders with words of sympathy and that he should take as much time as he wanted since the texts were difficult to comprehend for everyone. Nonetheless, his scrolls weren’t the issue. His issue seemed to be much bigger and all-consuming. Every second of every day, his mind would stray to thoughts about James, James and James and his smile and hands, and smooth voice and the way he looked at Regulus as if he wasn’t something broken. Later, Regulus would also think about the fact that James was married and had a son who was obviously very happy in their family and then Regulus’ attention would cut short and leave.

Somewhere in between his attempts to balance his studies and the fairly new unwelcome thoughts, Remus has decided that theoretical knowledge wasn’t going to do much for Regulus at this point and instructed him to help Remus with his patients. On Remus’s free days, Regulus would stand side by side with either Poppy or Lily who were as kind as Remus and patiently showed him the ropes.

In a week, Regulus was familiar with regular checkups and with distributing certain medicines for different symptoms. Every time he did something right, Poppy would smile at him and hug him tightly, whispering how proud she was into his ear and every time, Regulus fought with himself not to burst into tears in front of her. Finally, Regulus felt fulfilled and useful which was a dramatic change from the life before his unsuccessful sacrifice. Each day, a person would come into the infirmary with a different kind of problem than the person that came before them and Regulus would observe and listen to how such an issue could be solved.

Remus kept him close and patiently let him figure it out on his own. Poppy would always provide Regulus with a set of questions which he would then answer and if he was right (which he usually was), he would proceed to make the patient feel better. Lily alternated between these two methods and Regulus was grateful to all of them.

Thoughts of Teutates slowly moved to the back of his mind where they stayed. Most of the time, the dark didn’t scare him and gradually, Regulus stopped looking over his shoulder, always anticipating a gloomy figure to lure over him, and the ever-present anxiety ebbed away. Regulus didn’t forget about his duty, but it was somewhat easier living in the moment and trying to ignore the inevitable when he had a purpose that would distract him from it.

For once, Regulus wasn’t alone and he had his brother back which was something he’d thought he’d never get to say again. Because having Sirius back seemed like something he wasn’t allowed to have, but now he did and he was glad to have a second chance with him. Each evening, Regulus would come to the woodworkers’ house and wait for Sirius to finish before they would go to the campfire together. Sirius’ hand would always be touching either his elbow or shoulder, guiding him through the crowds of people. Regulus would sit at one of the logs and stare at the fire while Sirius mingled with his friends, keeping an eye out for Regulus in case he needed something. He’d make sure to always sit as far away from anyone as possible, keeping his mind and body to himself because it didn’t belong to them. It did not belong to Regulus either because Teutates would come for him and for what was rightfully his.

Spending his last moments in this place was, perhaps, the last chance he’d get at enjoying life and he was determined not to waste it. Regulus was grateful that Sirius saved him. It was just unfortunate that it wouldn’t last forever.

A small boy ran into the infirmary, bringing a whirlstorm with his sudden arrival. Immediately, the body jumped into Remus’ waiting arms and the boy started babbling excitedly.

“Uncle Moony! Daddy and I saw a deer today! It was so big! Even bigger than you!”

Remus chuckled, his brows furrowing in a painful wince and shaking the body in his arms with his laughter. “That sounds amazing, Prongslet. Did you go to the woods?”

Harry nodded with the utmost importance and shoved a finger in front of Remus’ face. “We did! I wanted to pick some flowers for Mummy, and Daddy said they are the prettiest in the woods!”

As if knowing he was the topic of the conversation, James followed his son into the infirmary and shook his head fondly at the sight in front of him. With him, the normally dim room brightened from its core and warmed up until Regulus felt it in his bones.

“Careful, Harry, you know Uncle Moony’s knees are hurting,” he said with some concern in his voice as he took his son from Remus' arms.

Indeed, Remus seemed to relax at the lessened weight in his arms but hid his pain behind a gleeful smile. “It’s okay, Prongs. The little guy just loves me too much, doesn’t he?”

At this, Harry wiggled in James’ hold to shout a loud ‘yes!’ before he was let down to the ground.

Regulus tried not to listen to their conversation, thinking he had no right to have an insight into whatever they were talking about. Instead, he focused on his different vials and prepared sheets of paper with pictures on them. He knew they’d be coming today and yet, nothing could’ve prepared him for how he would actually feel in their presence.

He drowned out the noise behind him but was soon interrupted by first hands around his calf and then a whole body pressing into him.

Hesitantly, Regulus looked down only to be met with a pair of green eyes and a head of tangled brown hair. Trying to force himself not to leap out of the boy’s grasp, Regulus smiled at him and reached out to lightly touch Harry’s hair.

“Hi, Harry,” he said, still ignoring the violent pulsing inside his ears caused by the touch of the little boy.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked curiously, standing up on his tiptoes in the hope of having a look at what was on the table. “Daddy said we’re to help Uncle Reggie today,” he continued seriously and let go of Regulus’ leg in order to grip the side of the table.

Regulus breathed in again, relieved at not being touched anymore. “Um, I-” he tried to explain but he didn’t have any experience with little kids and he wasn’t sure what he was and wasn’t allowed to say. He chanced a quick look at Remus with James who were watching them from the main room of the house but apparently had no intentions of disturbing them.

In front of him, Harry wasn’t successful at peeking at what was on the table and obviously gave up when he turned back to Regulus and put his arms up.

Regulus stared at him in disbelief, barely moving and hoping the boy would just go away if nothing happened for a while.

“Don’t, Harry,” James said suddenly, sensing Regulus’ distress and coming closer to put Harry into his arms. Seeing his father wanted to take him away, the boy screeched and latched onto Regulus’ leg once more.

“I want to be with Uncle Reggie!” he screamed at the top of his lungs and his fingers fisted in Regulus’ trousers.

The action did nothing to ease Regulus’ discomfort. He wasn’t used to people touching him so casually. With Sirius, it was different. With Sirius, Regulus knew he was safe. Other people were still an unknown territory and Regulus didn’t know how to let them in.

James looked at him with anxious eyes, murmuring: “I’m so sorry. We’re still trying to teach him about personal space but I… I’m so sorry, Regulus.”

Those small hands were still latching onto him and Regulus wondered when this would finally end. When will he stop being so pathetic? Harry was a small child. How was he a threat in any way?

Regulus wasn’t used to people touching him because before, they weren’t allowed to touch him. By touching someone else, Regulus wouldn’t be pure anymore and he’d fail at his duty to the Gods. It didn’t matter anymore. Regulus failed the Gods already and there was no point in keeping to his old rules, so why was it so difficult to break them?

Harry started crying by his legs, sniffing into his trousers and hiccuping with every breath.

Exhaling loudly, Regulus looked at James, still so stressed and worried about both Regulus and his son, still so lovely and yet so far away. “Can I pick him up?”

The dumbfounded look on James’ face would be almost funny if Regulus' nerves didn't consume all the humour he could possibly carry inside himself. “Reg…you don’t have to, he’s going to calm down in a minute.”

He shook his head and deeply breathed some fresh air into his lungs. “It’s okay,” he assured. “I’m okay.”

Even though ‘okay’ was far away from what he was feeling at the moment, Regulus knew he had to get over this fear somehow and this seemed like the easiest way out.

Seemingly noticing Regulus truly meant what he said, James nodded but stayed nearby. Slowly, Regulus bent down to Harry, first pushing his fingers into the boy’s hair to get his attention and then whispering: “Come on, I really need some help. Do you want to help me?”

Harry rubbed the sleeve of his shirt under his nose and nodded defeatedly, his head tiredly leaning against Regulus' thigh.

“Okay then,” he said and moved to put his hands under Harry’s armpits to pick him up. It was too late when he realised he had no clue of what to do with Harry once he was in the air.

“Put him on your hip,” James instructed helpfully and showed him a set of movements with his hands. “Like this.”

Regulus followed the directions, his hands shaking too much to be holding a vulnerable child but still doing everything he could to keep the boy safe. “Is this okay?”

James smiled. “Yeah, perfect. You’re a natural.”

Not being able to fight off his pleased smile, Regulus rolled his eyes. “Liar.”

This seemed to be a bad thing to say since Harry, finally calm now that he was in Regulus’ arms, lifted his head and put his palm against Regulus’ mouth. “Daddy’s not a liar!” he admonished but slumped back into Regulus’ side with exhaustion.

“Sorry.” Regulus winced and looked at James to face his anger at annoying his child but James was only grinning at them with something unrecognisable sparkling in his eyes.

“You’re good, don’t worry.”

With some luck and prayers, Remus and Regulus managed to go through Harry’s normal appointment. Before, Regulus had no idea what exactly was the issue with the boy’s eyes but it soon became apparent with the first few pictures.

Remus would stand beside Harry who would describe the picture. Usually, there were some flowers, trees, houses or figures that the boy described. Afterwards, Remus would hold the picture in front of him and tell Harry to describe what he was seeing while taking a step back after each description. The further he got, the fewer objects was Harry capable of seeing on the paper. Concerningly, it took Remus only two not even too large steps for Harry to shake his head to emphasise his struggle at seeing what was on the paper.

‘It’s blurry’, he would say and Remus would smile and tickle his sides until Harry laughed and screeched.

“I want Uncle Reggie to do it,” Harry said after a while. “Daddy and I are helping today,” he explained and straightened his posture importantly.

Raising an eyebrow, Remus asked wordlessly if Regulus was up to it. It was one of the reasons why Regulus liked Remus so much. Most of the time, they didn’t need to talk to communicate which was very convenient for Regulus who didn’t like talking that much.

Regulus took the rest of the papers and got to work, hiding his worry behind a steel mask of his perfectly trained neutral expression. It didn’t get better. Harry couldn’t see what was in the picture from distances that were way too close for Regulus’ liking. However, neither James nor Remus showed any signs of unease and so Regulus let it go, pinching Harry’s sides carefully but making him laugh nonetheless.

In no time, Harry’s appointment was done and both of the boys said their final goodbyes before going back to their lives.

Finally, a wrinkle appeared across Remus’ forehead.

“That wasn’t good, was it?” Regulus asked, looking at the door through which James and Harry just left.

“No,” Remus answered and frowned even more. “It’s getting so much worse too.”

Regulus bit his lip nervously. “What can we do about it?”

Apparently, that was a question that Remus asked himself too. “I don’t know,” he said, his mood plummeting. “I don’t know.”

Some late nights, Regulus would wake up with sweat all over his body and hair sticking to his forehead. His breath would be quick and laboured and everything would be dark. Some late nights, Regulus felt like he was drowning again and no amount of reassurance helped him think he wasn’t on the brink of death.

Those nights, Sirius would become aware of Regulus’ struggles and his feet would pat frantically on the wooden floor as he hurried to be by his brother’s side as quickly as possible. Sirius’ hands would grasp Regulus’ shoulders and shake him and soothe him until the ragged breathing turned back to normal.

Some nights, like this one, Regulus stared at the dark ceiling, grasping Sirius’ hand tightly in between his and pulling it to his chest. These nights, Regulus was brave enough to ask questions he was normally terrified of.

“How did you know?”

“What?”

Regulus exhaled a shaky breath. His lids were slowly closing, his chest fought for another forceful intake of air, the guilt in his gut dragging him down, the failure and fear clouding his mind. Everything was heavy.

“That night. How did you know they would…,” Regulus stopped, still a coward despite his sudden act of bravery. He couldn’t even voice it out loud, an empty shell of what once had a purpose.

Sighing heavily, Sirius shifted until his body was directly pressed to Regulus’ side and his mouth precisely next to Regulus’ ear. As always, Sirius was warm and alive, pushing some of his heat to Regulus’ freezing-cold skin. “I never stopped looking out for you, you know,” he whispered, fingers tracing the lines of Regulus’ face. “I couldn’t live with myself,” he said. “I had to make sure you were okay.”

Regulus didn’t reply, closing his eyes to allow Sirius’ fingers to trail the bottom of his eyebrow; gentle, warm, alive.

“Do…,” Regulus gulped. “Do you think…”

Sirius’ fingertips moved onto his cheeks where they danced over the places that were covered with tears no longer than moments ago. “No,” his brother said resolutely.

“You don’t know what I was going to ask.”

“I do.” Sirius leaned onto one of his elbows to look down at Regulus. “I love you, Reggie,” he confessed and his palm cupped Regulus’ cheek. “I don’t regret anything. You’ll be alright. I know you will be.”

With little difficulty, Regulus turned towards his brother’s warm body and with no hesitation, Sirius embraced him in his warmth and pressed him as close as two people could exist next to each other.

“I want it to stop hurting,” Regulus whispered, squashing his face to Sirius’ chest as tears gathered at the corners of his eyes once again.

A strong hand tangled its fingers in Regulus’ hair and soft lips pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I promise, it will. It just takes a while.”

Logically, Regulus knew that. He was aware of this inevitable reality and yet, it was hard to believe in something that was so far out of reach. Instead of saying something stupid like ‘he wanted it to stop hurting now’, Regulus fisted his hands in the back of Sirius’ tunic and breathed in his comforting scent.

“I wish I left with you when I could.” Regulus’ voice was so small that he had trouble convincing himself he’d said anything at all.

Sirius’ arms tightened almost painfully around him as if all his brother wanted was to squish their bodies together. “You’re here now. You’ll be alright,” Sirius whispered into the late night. A velvet voice broke the silence of the sleeping settlement but lured Regulus further into a dreamless sleep.

“I promise.”

As he said it, Regulus could almost persuade himself into believing it.

“I love you.”

Becoming a rightful and respected member of the community came step by step. Working at the infirmary helped Regulus get to know the remaining residents of the settlement. He probably liked Barty and Evan the most out of all his patients. The both of them came in at least once a week, complaining about another burn or a deep cut, laughing playfully at each other and saying it was just another silly mistake of not being careful enough while forging weapons.

Remus always arched his eyebrows and scolded them in some way: “One would say you should be careful enough by now. You’ve been doing this job for half a decade.”

In return, Barty smirked at Evan and then back at Remus. “Well, ya know what they say. Old habits die hard.”

At his response, Evan sniggered and threw an apologetic look at both Regulus and Remus. “Sorry, guys, we’ll try to be more careful next time.”

By now, Regulus knew that would never become the truth. Firstly, it was suspicious how they both came at the same time with almost identical wounds every time. Secondly, Regulus was pretty sure he had seen Barty lick Evan’s bleeding wounds at least twice by now.

“Those shits can’t keep their weird fucking kinks to themselves, can they?” Remus once asked, putting his thumb and pointer finger to the bridge of his nose. “I dread the time one of their sexcapades goes wrong and one of us is going to have to rescue them from positions no one should ever see them in.”

Regulus couldn’t help but laugh and look after their retreating figures. He shrugged and looked back at his mentor. “At least they’re having fun.”

Remus shook his head and frowned. “Sure, but make them stop coming here to me,” he groaned and turned to the next patient, shaking his body as if that would help him forget what they’d just witnessed.

Nevertheless, Barty and Evan started keeping him company at the weekly social gatherings, sitting down next to him but still far enough so they didn’t have to touch. Regulus appreciated this effort tremendously.

Through various attempts at making Regulus talk without any result, Evan and Barty decided to take matters into their own hands and provided Regulus with multiple life stories of other occupants of the community.

This was how Regulus finally found out what made James Potter leave his home and come here.

“James has his whole ass family here which doesn’t happen…like ever,” Evan said as they all watched the man in question lift Harry into his lap while talking to Sirius with a huge smile on his face. Regulus would like to say that it did nothing for him, but that would be a lie and he was done with lying to himself.

“He wasn’t the ‘chosen one’,” explained Barty, using his fingers to emphasise how funny he found the phrase. “Instead, ‘s soon as he started his ‘ffair with Evans, some psycho in their village began praisin’ their son would be their salvation or some ‘ther bullshit like that. Sayin’ he’s ta defeat the Dark Lord as a baby, sick fuckin’ shite,” Barty shook his head in disgust.

“Evans?” Regulus turned to Barty in confusion. He’s never heard that name before and he was pretty sure, he was familiar with everyone at this point.

“Lily? Lily Evans?” Barty looked at him incredulously as he explained.

Regulus’ eyes almost bulged out of his head. “The one I work with?!”

The two exact same confused looks met his shocked ones. “Yeah, dude…you didn’t know?”

“No!”

“Wow, that’s the most words we got out of him so far. Keep talking, babe.”

“Shut the fuck up, Evan.” Regulus glared at them both as he asked: “She’s Harry’s Mum?”

“Are ya fuckin’ with us?”

“No!”

Both Barty and Evan cackled at his reaction, punching themselves on their shoulders but thankfully leaving Regulus out of it.

“Haha, really funny. Keep talking, you fucking shits,” Regulus grumbled and was surprised to find himself wanting to be included in their little fistfight.

“Well, if Reggie asked us so nicely, how could we deny him?” Evan laughed out loud and continued talking. “So, as you can guess, none of them really liked it when the whole community praised the still non-existent child and it really did a number on both James and Lily. They were still kids at that time, like fourteen or something like that, and that was a fuck ton of pressure on someone who only just learned what their dick even is for. I think they broke up for a while, but that got them so much shit from the others too. They were basically forcing them to get back together and fuck like rabbits.”

Without even looking in his reflection, Regulus knew there was a pinched expression on his face. “That’s awful.”

“Yeah, dude, and that’s not even the worst part. They both kept their distance but James is like…the biggest romantic ever and if he loves someone he fucking loves them,” Evan continued and Regulus’ gaze drifted back to where James and Harry sat near the fire. Yes, he could believe that was the case.

“Basically, ‘fter a while, like three years later, when everyone calmed down an’ got over the fact that no babies were gonna be killed, Potter an’ Evans started datin’ again, but in secret this time. They hoped that maybe if no one knew ‘bout them, they would leave them ‘lone,” this time Barty was the one who recounted it. Honestly, it was impressive how good they were at finishing each other's thoughts and sentences.

“But, as we’ve already established, they were just kids an’ they were reckless, stupid an’ whateva’. Obviously, they fucked an’ Evans got pregnant. Potter loved her so fuckin’ much an’ was terrified of what would happen if ‘nyone found out. He tried to protect her by runnin’ ‘way from the community, but Lily didn’t want ta leave her family.”

“They stayed?” Regulus asked, shocked and so sick of people that his stomach actually hurt.

Barty nodded. “They stayed.”

“But what about…”

“Evans didn’t want ta put herself or the baby at risk, so she tried ta get rid of it while she could; stayed in freezin’ water ‘til she got burns, exerted herself, drank an’ ate what she shouldn’t have an’ awful shite like that. She was pretty desperate an’ was willin’ to do everything ta protect the baby from somethin’ it didn’t deserve.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, dude. Fuck.”

“But Harry survived.”

“He did,” Evan agreed, taking a stick on the ground near his leg and drawing indiscernible patterns with it into the gravel beneath them. “When the community found out about Lily being pregnant, all of the madness from before began anew. This time, perhaps, it was much worse.”

Barty took the lead then, taking the stick from Evan and throwing it into the fire. “Evans’ family was the first one ta praise the baby in her stomach an’ ta plan a way for it ta die the moment it was born, so it could save them from ‘dark forces’ or some bullshite like that. ‘Course, she didn’t expect her family ta turn on her like this. It finally persuaded her ta run away with James an’ his parents.”

There was silence for a little while, just the chatter of others around them and the crackling of the fire and then: “It drove them apart. All of that happening put too much pressure on them and they decided it would be for the best if they wouldn’t be together any more. To be honest, they were truly just kids. It wasn’t fair of those people to tyrannise them like that. Harry was born here just a few weeks after they settled in and has been cared for by both of them but separately. They’re still friends, they just don’t love each other like that anymore,” Evan explained and smiled sadly at Regulus. “She blames herself ever since. You know about Harry’s…,” he trailed off and motioned with one of his fingers to his eyes.

“Yeah,” Regulus sighed and looked at the boy, the memory of him squinting at drawings, not even two metres from his face too clear in his mind.

“Well, she thinks it’s her fault for making him go through all of that and spends all her waking hours locked away in her ‘office’, trying to find a cure for him so she could fix her mistake.”

Pondering this in his mind, Regulus thought of the Lily he knew and couldn’t help but finally feel some understanding for her constant stress and worry. He had wondered what she was doing all day locked away from everyone, exerting herself to the point where, most of the time, Poppy had to drag her away from her desk to force some food into her. Regulus couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Having a child was something he was far from educated on, but he imagined it must’ve been devastating to know your child is sick and having no cure to fix it.

“Anyways, that was depressing.” Barty pushed into Evan’s shoulder and almost made him fall off the log they were sitting on as he suddenly broke the silence between them.

Regulus ignored their little grapple, already used to these affectionate bursts of violence, and locked his gaze on Harry’s little form circling his father and some other people who encouraged him at his uncontrollable screeches of glee.

Not depressing at all, Regulus thought. Harry’s safe and alive. How could that be depressing? The little boy’s happy. That was all that mattered.

“It’s awful that it happened, but I think…” Regulus looked at the picture in front of him some more as Evan sought for words that could finish his thought. “I think that it was all worth it in the end,” he said, righting himself back up.

Regulus nodded in agreement, fire crackling in front of his eyes, warming him up from the tips of his toes to the back of his neck.

“It’s true the little brat kinda grew on me.”

Barty’s comment forced a snort out of Regulus which earned him a wide grin from Evan and another shove to his shoulder.

Turning to face him, Barty’s expression suddenly grew in mischief. “Reggie,” he started, hands dangerously close to his thighs but not touching. “Would ya like ta come back home with us tonite?”

Involuntarily, Regulus’ body jumped up in shock and horrification. “What?!” he squeezed out.

“You don’t have to do anything. We just like it when someone watches.”

The breath he was so desperately trying to get into his lungs was knocked out of him again. “What does that even mean?”

“Come on, Reggie. Don’t play dumb. Let us perform a show for ya.” Barty’s voice in Regulus’ ear was heavy and slick, warming its way right to his throat.

Coughing out the leftovers of his shock, Regulus frowned at both of them the best he could, hoping to put all of his disgust into a single expression. “I can’t believe you,” he said, surprising his companions by the loudness of his voice. “Remus was right.”

Barty gasped next to him and something hopeful sparkled in his eyes. “Do ya think he would like ta watch?” he asked and wiggled his eyebrows in a strange way.

With little patience, Regulus looked up at the sky and asked himself if this was truly what his life had come to. Then, he looked back at the fire and the people around it.

Perhaps it wasn’t so bad after all.

And when a small boy ran to them with screeching giggles, butting into Regulus’ legs with an almost toothless grin, every single one of Regulus’ sorrows went back to the farthest parts of his mind.

Harry quickly climbed onto his lap and cupped both of his little hands to Regulus’ ear, whispering: “I have to hide from Uncle Paddy.”

Apparently, no one has taught this boy how to whisper because both Evan and Barty cackled at Harry’s announcement. The child in his arms was unperturbed, though, and instead turned to Regulus with pleading eyes.

“You have to help me!” he shouted urgently and wiggled in his lap.

Amused, Regulus tickled Harry’s sides. “Do I?”

“Yes, please!” Harry shrieked and jumped around Regulus’ neck, a clear sign that it was time to go. It wasn’t like the boy hadn't already wrapped Regulus around his finger. There were very few things Regulus wouldn’t do for him.

Little arms clung to Regulus‘ neck as he stood up carefully and held the body close to his chest. Over the weeks, holding Harry became almost natural and the initial fear he’d possessed has gradually disappeared.

“Say bye to Uncle Barty and Uncle Evan,” Regulus suggested to the boy, his arms already shaking with exertion but not willing to let go just yet. It wasn’t like Harry was heavy, it was just that Regulus still wasn’t used to carrying things around.

Harry turned around to face the log and waved at the two men sitting on it. “Bye Uncle Barty and Uncle Evan!” he screeched and turned back to Regulus’ chest shyly. As much as the boy loved to be around people, he was also strangely cautious of everyone who wasn’t in his closer circle. Somehow, Regulus was included in that circle even if he’d done nothing to deserve such an important position.

“Bye, Harry. Kick Uncle Paddy’s butt for us, yeah?” Evan smirked at them and was rewarded with a loud giggle from the child.

“Yeah!” The boy shouted in Regulus' ear before pointing one finger in the opposite direction of the fire. “Let’s go, Reggie! We have to hide!”

Regulus laughed out loud, hoisting Harry higher onto his hip and ruffling his hair. “Your wish is my command.”

As they retreated to find a desolate place where they could hide from Sirius, Regulus heard another shout behind him: “Ya were saved for now, but don’t forget about our offer!”

Rolling his eyes, Regulus ignored them and paid all his attention to Harry instead. They were, after all, on a big mission.

By the time someone finally found them, it was beginning to get dark outside and Harry was passed out in his arms, his head on Regulus’ shoulder and getting drool all over his clothes. Perhaps Regulus should’ve stood up and returned him to one of his parents. He was probably supposed to give up the game and put the boy to his bed but for some reason, Regulus was reluctant to do so.

Alternatively, Regulus basked in the warmth of another body close to him and stared into the far woodland in front of them. Everything was still and calm, quiet conversations flowed through the village and a cold breeze drifted through his hair. Regulus breathed in and out, enjoying the sudden easiness in his lungs, the manacles around his limbs loosening bit by bit as he kept on holding the boy.

The woods were empty except for some animals going in and out, unbothered, majestic and gentle. The forest was dark and yet, full of life. Regulus stared at the image in front of him and waited. For whom, he wasn’t sure.

Enough time has passed for Regulus to grow suspicious if Teutates was ever coming for him after all. It still wasn’t too late for him. Regulus kept his body in pristine condition. Not a single scar or a cut adorned his skin. He was still suitable for the Gods. Regulus could still be taken.

Even though Regulus would mourn the life he could have had in this place once they’d take him, he couldn’t help but be glad he had the chance to experience a life like this at all. Having a chance to see his brother one more time and know he would be alright; knowing Sirius would be happy, was a blessing on its own. Regulus knew his fate was inevitable, but at least he knew there was a place where his brother would live long after Regulus joined the Gods in the afterlife.

All of a sudden, a head full of brown curls appeared over the walls of their little hiding spot.

“Ha!” James exclaimed and quickly went around to join them on the ground. “There you are!” His smile filled Regulus’ vision and every single thought about his fate flew out of his head.

Trying to smile back at the man, Regulus shifted on the ground, only then noticing how numb his arms felt. In all of his melancholy, he’d lost track of time. “Sorry. I didn’t want to wake him up,” he half-explained and looked at Harry, snoring loudly and smacking his lips, untroubled.

James shook his head in glee. “I’m sorry we left you with him for so long.”

This time, Regulus shook his head and a genuine smile fought its way to his face. “It’s okay,” he whispered, his fingers absentmindedly brushing through Harry’s curls. “I don’t mind.”

Another hand joined him and dark fingers traced the outlines of the boy’s nose. James hummed and moved that much closer to the both of them. “He likes you.”

The smile only grew sizeably. “I like him too.”

Watching Harry in his arms, tracing the smooth skin of his face, Regulus wondered how lucky he’d gotten to experience the trust of a child so easily. He’d promised himself to honour it as long as Harry would let him. There wasn’t anything in the world Regulus wouldn’t protect the boy from.

For a while, they just sat there in the quiet, mimicking the slow breaths of the child. Content. Peaceful.

“That’s nice,” James said quietly and it was obvious that his gaze redirected from his son to Regulus; his eyes so deep and full of wonder it was difficult not to explode under their attention.

Regulus spared him a short look, curious. “What is?”

“You,” James explained as if he wasn’t aware that words like this would eat Regulus from the inside out. “Happy.”

Red in the face, Regulus shrugged lightly, careful not to jostle the boy too much. “This is a happy place,” he answered finally, meeting James’ gaze bravely, losing himself in there for longer than he would’ve liked.

“Yeah,” James breathed out and his smile went softer around the edges, almost fond.

Silence settled between them again, counting out the loud snores of the boy in Regulus’ arms. A heavy feeling coiled in his stomach and something desperate clawed out of his throat. “I’m sorry,” he choked out of himself before he could stop.

James looked at him in confusion. “For what?”

Regulus swallowed loudly and dug deep inside himself to find the courage to speak up. “Evan and Barty told me your…” he trailed off, unsure.

“My fucked up story?”

“Yeah.”

Sighing, James rested his head on the wall behind them and looked to the sky. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Those two can never stay out of other people’s business and anyway…it’s ancient past by this point. I’m okay,” he explained with a tender lilt to his voice.

“I know, but it still must’ve been difficult.”

“It was,” James agreed, his hand finding Harry’s hair once more and brushing it away from his forehead. “But I’m okay now. I’m happy. My son is happy. My son is alive. That’s all that matters.”

Regulus couldn’t stop himself from noticing the slight frown on James’ face, a wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows. As young as he was, there was something too heavy on James’ shoulders for a man of his age to be carrying.

Once again, the memory of Harry’s sight occupied his mind. He couldn’t imagine how stressful it must have been for both James and Lily to have a son who couldn’t see properly in a world where sight was crucial for survival.

“He’s going to be okay,” Regulus assured the man next to him, even if his words lacked any kind of promise.

James' eyes locked on his once again and a soft smile played on his lips. “Thanks.”

But as happy as James tried to appear, it didn’t escape Regulus’ notice that there was something dark and ugly under all of the masks James attempted to put on his face.

Not too long after his conversation with James, Lily came out of the depths of her office and declared to everyone that she would be departing on a journey to one of the closeby communities.

“Since Regulus can take care of some of the patients on his own, I don’t think there’s anything that should be holding you back if you think it would help your son,” Poppy said as she smiled at Lily with sadness in her eyes.

The woman in question nodded in agreement. “Yes, that’s what I was thinking too,” she started. “It shouldn’t take longer than a week anyway. I’ve heard there’s a man who has a similar condition to Harry’s. I would like to talk to him and ask him some questions.”

Regulus was happy to hear some hope in her voice. It seemed like these kinds of emotions were never present around Lily but now, she was eager to find out more and Regulus was content to help in any way he could, even if it involved carrying out an independence he was not yet ready to face.

“Are you sure you can do this, Regulus?” Lily asked him, something serious on her face. It was clear she would not hesitate to stay if Regulus wasn’t up to it. Nonetheless, Regulus couldn’t do that to her nor Harry. As he’d stated earlier, there were very few things he wouldn’t do for the boy.

“I’m sure. Go,” he replied, hiding his insecurities behind a determined look.

It seemed to be enough for her as she nodded and said goodbye to all of them before she set out on her journey.

Regulus should’ve known it wouldn’t go as smoothly as everyone said it would. The first three days were easy enough as both Remus and Poppy were on duty and Regulus was mainly only required to refill some of the healing salves in empty containers. On the fourth day, Minnie ran to the infirmary in a hurry, begging Poppy to come help her with some of the cattle. As it turned out, three female sheep started to give birth at the same time while some of the other animals had fallen deadly sick.

It would be Regulus’ luck that things like this would happen at a time when he was supposed to fill in for Poppy. And so it was that over the course of the next two days, Regulus accepted patients, pretended he knew what he was doing, stood on his feet for what felt like an eternity and tried not to show how unprepared he was for a work like this.

On the sixth day, Regulus was looking over the vials on the infirmary’s shelf as he observed his current patient - Frank Longbottom - a gardener who had been suffering from violent coughing fits since the day before.

“Is your throat sore when you cough?” he asked, digging for all the knowledge Regulus put somewhere inside his brain when he studied scroll after scroll during his first few weeks in the settlement.

Frank nodded, his hand on his neck. “It is. I tried to drink more water but that didn’t help either.” His answer was followed by another cough.

Regulus’ fingers stopped on one of the vials. “Okay.” He took it out of the shelf and presented it to Frank. “Put a few drops of this concoction into a cup of warm water and drink it three times a day. Put some cloth around your neck and stay in bed for the next few days. Keep warm and don’t exhaust yourself. If it gets worse, come to me and I’ll give you something stronger,” he said, looking for some cloth that would keep Frank’s neck warm.

“Thank y…”

“Help! Please! We need help!” An unexpected shout interrupted Frank’s gratitude as heavy steps of multiple people crossed the threshold of the infirmary.

All of a sudden, Regulus’ back went all rigid and cold. His limbs started vibrating and the contents of his stomach began rising upwards. He could hear Remus rushing from the back room to assess the damage.

“Fuck! What happened?”

“A boar. We didn’t notice it had babies. Please, can you help them?”

In that moment, it was as if life itself was something unreal. Regulus’ body didn’t feel like it was standing on two feet. He was flying, shaking, gasping for breath. This couldn’t be happening.

“Put him on this table and him on the one next to it.”

He could hear Remus ordering whoever was in the room, his voice firm and sure. If Regulus didn’t hear the desperate shouts for help, he would almost think those people were there for a simple cut in their hand.

“Regulus!”

His frozen body shook violently at the sound of his name. Regulus couldn’t hide in that room forever. This was what he’d signed up for the first day he’d decided to be a healer. This was what he was supposed to do.

Almost unconsciously, Regulus’ legs started moving on their own, each step heavy, prickling his skin like a thousand needles.

Seeing the bodies on the tables was the most horrifying thing Regulus had ever witnessed in his life. Blood trickled down to the floor in large dark drops from long open gashes on multiple parts of the men’s bodies. At least three people stood beside them and ran around frantically, asking Remus questions about how they could help, freaking out and crying so desperately that it broke Regulus out of his stupor.

For everything that was happening, Remus was already standing in front of the more injured body and ignored every single one of their questions. Nonetheless, as soon as Regulus stepped into the room, their gazes locked for one fleeting moment. At that moment, Regulus knew he had to be strong.

“Regulus,” Remus called out over all the other noises inside the infirmary, the authority in his voice evident from miles away. “You take Fabian, I’ll take Arthur,” he ordered and turned back to the body in front of him.

And despite the clear urgency of the situation, Regulus couldn’t make himself move from his spot. His feet as if nailed to the floor beneath, holding on tight. Blood was everywhere. Pained whines filled the usual quietness of the room where, on that day, people were dying right before Regulus’ eyes.

“Regulus!” Remus’ rough voice broke through the haze around his head, desperate and perhaps, somehow, even angry.

His trapped legs made a move towards his assigned body. Not a body. A patient. Fabian.

Someone on his right was weeping, crumbling to the floor. Regulus had the faintest suspicion it was Fabian’s sister Molly. It was his patient’s sister who depended on Regulus to keep him alive. It was Regulus’ job to keep him alive. It was his responsibility.

There was no one to keep on holding his hand. There were no more outer forces who kept holding him back. This was Regulus’ fight alone.

Fabian kept bleeding, kept whimpering, kept fighting to be alive. Regulus had to help him. Why couldn’t he move his legs?

A hand roughly grasped his shoulder and shook him. “Do something!” Too similar eyes to his patient’s met his own. Pleading. Lost.

As if struck by lightning, Regulus straightened up, his limbs gaining feeling in the spur of a moment. His glazed vision cleared and fresh air attacked his lungs.

Fabian. Bleeding. Regulus had to do something.

His eyes, suddenly eager to see, observed the room. Arthur was unconscious, Fabian was on the verge of joining him. That couldn’t happen. Two people were injured. One weeping on the ground. Three standing. Two healers.

“Gideon. Talk to him. Don’t let him go to sleep,” Regulus ordered and almost jumped at the coldness of his voice. Nonetheless, his hands were already reaching out to his patient to assess the damage. A boar. Bleeding. Infection. Regulus had to stop it.

“Dorcas, I need you to bring me warm water, cloths and some needles. Marlene, go help Remus,” he said and something about him became detached.

With no thoughts at all, Regulus slid down the ceremonial ring off his finger. It tumbled to the ground with a heavy thud. Regulus couldn’t be sure whether it was just him who shook with it or if it was the whole ground. Until it was gone, Regulus hadn’t realised how much it wore him down. Now, that it had no place in his life anymore, Regulus could finally breathe.

His hands were light and steady as they took the wet cloth from Dorcas’ hands, cleaning his’ from dirt and grime before getting them on the body in front of him.

Everything became numb. Regulus’ ears were buzzing and sweat slid down his forehead as he watched his body move automatically. It was steady and calm, cleaning Fabian’s wounds and sewing them together.

Distinctly, Regulus could hear the twins talking to each other in broken whispers.

“It hurts so much, Gid.”

“I know, Fab, but you’re gonna be alright. I know you will. Just keep on looking at me and keep on staying strong. You’re the bravest person I know.”

Regulus wondered if, in a different universe, this could be him and Sirius. Perhaps, they already were like that in this universe but Regulus was too scared to see it; too scared to accept it.

“I need fresh water.”

Dorcas ran away and was back in just a few seconds, or perhaps it was hours. Regulus completely lost the concept of time.

Once she came back, Regulus instructed her to clean all the wounds on Fabian’s chest while he went to the other room to look for a salve that would stop the already spreading infection.

“Regulus,” Gideon said in a terrified whisper. “I can’t wake him up.”

Regulus’ clean hand found Fabian’s pulse which was thudding steadily, even if a bit slowly. “He’s just sleeping. You can let him now. He’s gonna be fine.”

Gideon looked up at him hopefully. “Really?”

“I stitched up his wounds and they’re not bleeding anymore. We’ll just have to look out for the infection, but that can be managed. I’ll change his bandages every hour,” Regulus explained, putting said bandages all around Fabian’s body. “He’s gonna be pretty weak after all that blood loss, but we’ll keep him full of fluids while on a long bedrest and he’ll be fine in no time.”

His eyes were still on his patient when a body slammed into him in a forceful embrace. “Thank you,” Gideon whispered in his ear and let him go just after a few moments. Regulus was grateful for it but found himself surprised at welcoming the gesture.

Briefly, he looked at the ground, seeing a shiny object right below his feet, as if tormenting him. With one final look at it, Regulus kicked the ring under the floorboards, refusing to ever look at it again. It clinked on the surface until it finally disappeared from his sight.

‘That’s that’ Regulus thought and returned his mind back to Gideon.

“It’s my job,” he said, finishing up with his bandages and looking over to Remus who was still deep in his work. “I need to help Remus now.”

Both Dorcas and Gideon nodded in understanding. “Is there something we can do?”

“Look out for any additional bleeding and high temperature. Put a cold cloth on his forehead and alert me if something unusual starts to happen,” Regulus instructed and then: “Tell me when he wakes up.”

In a hurry, Regulus didn’t register their response, going over to Remus’ table and looking at Marlene who, at that point, looked dead on her feet. “You can go, Marlene. I’m taking over. You did well,” he told her and took her place next to Remus, his mind calm and steady. Probably for the very first time in Regulus’ life.

Regulus looked at Remus’ who was still frantically trying to stop some of the bleeding and keep Arthur alive. Even though they had to be at it for many hours by that point, his hands didn’t waver. Remus’ face was still full of determination.

He looked at Regulus briefly.

“Tell me what to do.”

Together, they put Arthur back in shape. It was obvious that the man wouldn’t be getting out of bed any time soon, but he would live and that was all that mattered. By the end, Regulus' legs were shaking so much from exhaustion that not even the most powerful forces could stop him from tumbling down to the ground.

It was long dark outside and the infirmary was only lit by torches and candles. Regulus didn’t even notice when all of that happened. When he tilted his head to the entrance of the house, the majority of the village stood there with shocked faces.

Regulus had no idea they had an audience. For that moment, it was just him and the patient he had to heal. There was nothing in between.

Remus fell next to him, breathing hard, sweaty and exhausted. A scarred hand landed on Regulus’ shoulder and squeezed.

“Good job,” the man said in a gruff voice, leaning against the wall of the room and keeping his hand on Regulus’ shoulder.

Sighing, Regulus mimicked Remus’ position. “You too.”

“Hey, excuse me, sorry. Could you let me squeeze through? I need to check on my brother, thank you.”

A head full of black hair appeared at the front of the crowd, a frantic look on its face as the body attached to it slid down to face both Regulus and Remus.

Sirius put one hand on Regulus’ cheek and the other on Remus’. “What happened? Are you okay? I heard the hunting group came rushing in with two unconscious people,” he asked, breathing heavily. “I found out just a moment ago. I’m so sorry you were here all alone. Are you okay? Please tell me you’re both okay,” he kept on mumbling, brushing his thumbs over their cheeks.

“Sirius.”

“I can’t imagine how terrible it must’ve been, especially with Poppy busy and Lily out of the settlement…”

“Sirius.”

“I was so worried about you. There were so many people in front of the infirmary. I thought you were in danger. I thought…”

“Sirius.”

Finally, his brother halted, hands warm and alive, peaceful in the midst of the chaos.

“We’re fine, baby. Everyone’s okay,” Remus whispered, tired, seemingly on the brink of falling asleep. “We had help and we handled everything just fine. Don’t worry, yeah?”

A large breath left Sirius' mouth, his whole body crumpling towards the both of them, curling in the free space between their bodies.

Sirius’ head lifted to Remus’ height, kissing the man on the lips gently. Afterwards, he moved towards Regulus and kissed him on the forehead.

“I love you both so much. I’m so proud of you.”

Instantly, Remus’ other hand buried its fingers in Sirius’ black locks, bringing him closer. “I love you too,” he said as if he was saying ‘good morning’. He said it as if it was easy to admit.

Regulus put his hand over his brother’s, still splayed over his cheek. Squeezing, Regulus imagined he was strong enough to say it out loud too. For now, this had to be enough.

The next day, Lily came back with the biggest smile on her face. Regulus was almost sorry to see it fall at the sight of Arthur and Fabian lying on the tables in the main room of the infirmary.

“What happened?”

Both Remus and Regulus spent the night in that same room, looking over their patients and changing their bandages to prevent any type of infection. To be completely honest, Regulus was absolutely exhausted. Many people have offered to help, but they wouldn’t know what to do if anything went amiss, so Regulus and Remus decided it would be for the best if they stayed on duty until either Lily or Poppy became available.

Remus was dozing off in a chair in what was surely an uncomfortable position, but Regulus didn’t have the heart to wake him up. The poor man had done almost all the work yesterday and he deserved some proper rest.

“The hunting group encountered a boar with babies. Didn’t go well,” Regulus replied from his spot on a very uncomfortable chair, his eyes closing involuntarily.

Lily stood in the middle of the room, something broken appearing on her face. “Oh. Where is Poppy?”

“Helping Minnie with the animals for the past few days. There was an emergency.”

“Oh,” Lily breathed out, putting her stuff on the floor and coming closer to the sleeping men, taking everything in. “And I was…I was…” she gasped and put a hand in front of her mouth, her eyes widening. “Oh, Regulus. I’m so sorry. I should’ve stayed here. I should’ve…”

“You should’ve gone to get answers that will help your son. You didn’t know something like this would happen. No one expected something like this to happen. It’s fine. Everyone’s fine,” Regulus interrupted her, too tired to argue with her and listen to her bring herself down. “I need you to stop thinking whatever you’re thinking and help instead. Remus has been dozing off for the past few hours. He needs to rest properly. I need you to help us here.”

Taken aback, Lily’s mouth clicked shut. She blinked a few times before setting her chin firmly and nodding in agreement, all of her previous insecurities disappearing due to the obvious urgency of the situation. “Alright. You’re right. Let’s get him to bed.”

Regulus explained to her all the details about Arthur’s and Fabian’s conditions, preparing the needed salves and clean bandages. Then, he sat back in his chair and passed out, finally feeling like he could close his eyes for more than a few seconds.

Blissful nothing awaited him in his dreams and it wasn’t until a few hours later that Remus woke him up, outright ordering him to get to bed and that Remus would take his place for the time being.

Reluctantly, Regulus stood up and dragged his sore feet towards their house, each step painful and stiff. Regulus wondered how he was even capable of movement at all. It took him a good amount of time to get to their house, but once he got to his room, he noticed another person sitting on his cot, tired but smiling brightly.

Regulus halted, blinking his tired eyes at the sight in front of him, trying to decipher whether it was all a dream. “What are you doing here?”

James scratched the back of his neck bashfully. “Sirius has gone to help Remus, I thought you wouldn’t want to be alone after what happened,” he whispered into the dark and looked at Regulus with what could only be described as ‘puppy eyes’.

Warmth spread through Regulus’ chest as he processed James’ words. From all the people James could comfort and he’d chosen Regulus to come to. As difficult as it was to admit, Regulus truly did not want to be alone. Not that what happened traumatised him any more than what he’d already survived in life. The issue was that Regulus was scared of what it meant that he wasn’t feeling any type of distress.

Surprisingly, Regulus was fine if one would count out the debilitating exhaustion after two days of almost no sleep and full of action. Regulus didn’t feel like running for the hills and hiding himself somewhere where no one could ever find him. Instead, Regulus’ hands buzzed with the urge to go back to work and to relive the adrenaline of the day before all over again.

Regulus felt alive.

It scared him, as anything unfamiliar. The feeling of fullness and satisfaction wasn't one that Regulus was familiar with. Regulus didn’t know what to do with himself.

“Sorry if I crossed a line…Harry’s with my parents and Lily’s helping at the infirmary and I thought…I thought…” James' voice broke in the middle of his rambling and he hung his head between his shoulders defeatedly, looking at the ground and perhaps hoping it would swallow him whole.

Only then did it strike Regulus that perhaps James didn’t want to be alone. Perhaps the need for each other’s proximity was mutual and James craved it as much as Regulus did.

Slowly, Regulus made his way to his cot and sat down next to James, their thighs minuscule spaces away from touching. Regulus found himself craving the touch instead of shying away from it.

“I would…,” he started, fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “I would appreciate some company.” Regulus didn’t dare to look back at James and break the delicate peacefulness of the moment.

Next to him, James sighed in what seemed like relief and his shoulders sagged. “Yeah?” he asked hopefully, his gaze soft and gentle on Regulus’ skin.

“Yeah,” Regulus breathed out, peeking to see James’ expression but was stopped when their eyes met.

They didn’t talk about it as they laid down on Regulus’ cot, facing each other, so close their noses almost touched. They didn’t talk about it when James’ hand reached out and put a strand of hair behind Regulus’ ear. They didn’t talk about how tears slid down James’ cheeks and quiet sobs filled the quietness of the night.

Feeling brave, Regulus took James’ hand in his and pressed it to his chest. It was unusually cold and shaky, but Regulus made it his mission to warm it up.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Regulus murmured, not sure how much he was helping the situation as he brought James’ body closer to his, putting his chin on the top of James’ head.

A wet sob escaped James’ mouth before he squeezed Regulus’ hand.

Regulus put his free hand into James’ hair and scratched his scalp, surprised by how natural it felt to do. He massaged his scalp for a very long time, the thoughts of sleep long fleeting out of his grasp as he kept on shushing James’ whimpers until the man finally fell into an exhausted slumber.

Long after, Regulus lay there and listened to James’ quiet snores. His fingers were brushing through James’ curls and something content settled at the pit of Regulus’ stomach.

He couldn’t remember the last time his mind strayed to Teutates and his supposed sacrifice. Before, Regulus had no idea what the purpose of this life was supposed to be. He was led to believe it was to die by the gods' hands, but apparently, that was all a lie.

Now, in the darkness of the village, with a man in his arms, Regulus thought it would be a grave mistake to die by the gods' hands. Of course, there could still be a possibility of Teutates coming back for him after all, greedy for another victim. But if it were the case, this time, Regulus would fight.

Losing everything now was just not a feasible option anymore. Sirius, Remus, Harry, James, Lily, Poppy, Minnie and even those blacksmith bastards were reasons enough to try to stay and fight. Regulus had a different purpose now; a better one.

He’d be okay, he said to himself as he nuzzled the top of James’ head and squeezed his hand that tiny bit tighter. Everything was going to be okay.

Lily’s news about Harry’s condition wasn’t groundbreaking, but it helped somehow. The man in the distant village that she visited was seemingly completely blind. While this did nothing to ease anyone’s mind, the more Lily talked, the more bearable Harry's condition seemed to be.

“He was born without any sight, so he had to adapt right from the very start,” Lily explained from her borrowed workstation at the carpenter’s house. Sirius stood next to her and made sure she didn’t cut off any of her fingers. It was a difficult task. “He had this stick that he adjusted to his height and used it to move around. This way, he wouldn’t get injured by any obstacles in his way,” she continued, focused on her work.

A large stick lay before her on the workstation, an axe was in her hand and she swung it from one way to the other as she cut the stick with it.

Sirius winced next to her and moved out of her way. “Lily, I’ll happily make it for him. You’re making me nervous.” He eyed her hand warily and tried to reach out to take the axe away from her.

Striking the wood again, dozens of splinters flew away from the stick. Lily shook her head. “No, I’ve seen it. I know what to do. You’d just waste your time.”

Regulus bit his lip nervously. At the moment, Remus and Poppy had a shift in the infirmary, so he tried to enjoy his free day. Unfortunately, as he watched Lily with the weapon, Regulus had the feeling his skills would be needed nonetheless. He exchanged a worried look with his brother.

“What if…what if you drew it and Sirius would replicate it? Didn’t you say you had more things to do? I’m sure a drawing would help.” Regulus suggested carefully, taking a step back from Lily as she turned to him and assessed him with calculating eyes.

A frown appeared on her forehead as she thought through his suggestion. “I do. This would save me some time,” she contemplated. The axe fell from her grasp and right between her back and Sirius’ feet. “I’ll be right back.”

They both watched her run off, looking at each other before falling into a messy fit of laughter.

“I swear she’ll burn the world down someday,” Sirius snorted, thought about his comment and added: “Or rule it.” He picked up the axe. “We should really hide these away somewhere. Everyone will think they can just use anything without any training.” He shook his head and put the axe on the table.

“It’s nice to see her excited about life again. I’m glad the trip helped,” Regulus observed as he watched her go.

His brother hummed pensively, frowning. “But it did put you into a situation you weren’t prepared for.”

Regulus rolled his eyes at the overprotectiveness in Sirius’ voice. It’s been like this ever since Lily came back. Sirius couldn’t help himself and kept on firing snide remarks towards anyone who dared to comment on the unfortunate circumstances of the day when the hunting group encountered the boar. Internally, Regulus was aware of the fact that Sirius was only doing it because he loved Regulus, so Regulus didn’t try to stop him that much.

This time, though, Regulus looked at his brother and sighed in annoyance, loud enough for Sirius to hear it. “I’m fine, Sirius.”

“Sure you are.” Sirius took the stick and threw it back into the pile Lily took it from. “Didn’t even pick a sturdy one,” he murmured and picked a wider and larger stick.

For a while, Sirius focused on his work, cutting the wood and peeling the bark from it. Regulus watched him in fascination, amazed by how skilled his brother was at his job.

“Why is it that I found you and James in the same bed yesterday morning?” Sirius asked suggestively, raising one eyebrow at Regulus before focusing back on the workstation.

Involuntarily, Regulus’ cheeks turned crimson red and he was only glad Sirius wasn’t looking at him. “Why is it that I woke up today to you and Remus shouting profanities loud enough to wake the whole village?” he retorted and dared his cheeks to cool back down. It would take one look in Regulus’ direction and Sirius would know how he truly felt about James sleeping next to him.

A splinter of wood fell away from the table and landed near Regulus’ legs. “Because we fucked, Reggie,” Sirius answered shamelessly. “You should try it sometimes.”

If it were possible, Regulus’ cheeks would redden even more at that response. Instead, he made a disgusted noise and hid his face in his hands. “I really don’t need you saying it like that,” he groaned into his palms.

“You asked, I delivered.” Sirius shrugged.

“I hate you.” Regulus didn’t mean it, not even in the slightest, but it was somehow easier to say than the other thing lying on the tip of his tongue.

More splinters flew away from the table, Sirius deep in his work, and then: “So? You and James?”

“What about it?” Regulus tried to say as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t want to be alone. Simple as that.”

Raising a second eyebrow, Sirius looked at him some more. “So you slept in the same bed together,” he concluded with a dubious look on his face.

Technically, Regulus could tell him about James’ breakdown and about Regulus’ following reassurances. However, that wasn’t something Sirius should know about because it wasn’t his place and sometimes, Regulus didn’t have the obligation to reveal everything about himself. That was, at least, what he’s been trying to learn for the past few weeks.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Did you fuck?”

Regulus spluttered around himself, his eyes bulging out of his skull as he tried to cough the shock away. “What the fuck, Sirius! Even if we did, I wouldn’t tell you!”

Somehow, Sirius didn’t even bat an eye despite the nature of their conversation. “Good,” he exclaimed resolutely. “I haven’t had the time to give James ‘The Talk’ yet.”

“What does that even mean?”

Instead of answering, Sirius shrugged and smirked down at Regulus. “James is a good guy,” he deflected, his gaze boring a hole in Regulus’ chest. “You can let him in,” he said softly.

Regulus looked at Sirius through his fingers, calmness settling in between them once again.

“I know.”

The first time Regulus joined in the settlements’ festivities was the week Fabian was finally released from his bed rest.

A dark hand with long delicate fingers appeared in front of Regulus’ vision and startled him from his usual staring into the fire. Confused, he lifted his head, following the curves of an arm until it reached the person’s face.

Dorcas was looking down at him with an amused expression, wiggling her fingers in front of Regulus’ eyes. “Dance with me,” she demanded, not leaving any room for protests by not lowering her hand in the slightest.

Gulping way too loudly, Regulus looked around himself in hopes that Dorcas meant to ask someone else. Regrettably, he was the only one in the closest vicinity of the woman in front of him.

He coughed awkwardly, staring at the hand before him. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Not even trying to hide the roll of her eyes, Dorcas pushed her hand closer to Regulus’ face. “Fabian wants you to dance with me because he thinks that will help you ‘get out of your shell’,” she explained and wiggled her fingers some more.

“Why doesn’t he dance with me, then?”

Dorcas lifted one eyebrow at him. “I think that you, of all people, should know the answer best to that.”

Regulus grimaced. Yeah, that was fair. “I don’t know how to dance,” he said instead, wishing that would be enough to make Dorcas go away.

Unsurprisingly, it was not enough. She smirked and looked at him with something fierce. “Lucky for you,” she said. “I’m a brilliant teacher.”

Still, Regulus hesitated and looked at her pleadingly. It wasn’t like dancing with Dorcas would be something horrible. It was just that doing so was too difficult to do without any additional resistance.

“Come on. Rejected by the hero of the village? What would people say? Dance with me, Regulus.”

Finally, the tension in Regulus’ body eased and he snorted in amusement. “Hero of the village?” he asked, trying to hide his smile by tucking his lips into his mouth.

Dorcas laughed. “Sure. Come on, my arm is starting to hurt.”

Their hands grasped each other as Regulus stood up from his usual place on the log and a feeling of lightness washed over him at the action.

“I’m gonna step on your toes,” he warned her as she dragged him closer to the band, desperately trying to keep the pleased smile away from his face.

Winking at him, Dorcas stopped in the middle of the dancing crowd and put her hands around Regulus’ shoulders. “Don’t worry, I’ve had far worse.”

Once Regulus got onto the dancefloor it was as if a dam had broken. First, it was Dorcas, then Gideon, Lily and even Sirius. Everyone taught him a different kind of dance to all kinds of different songs. Regulus’ legs were aching and wobbly, but he couldn’t bring himself to reject anyone who asked him for another dance.

The fire was blooming behind him and friendly chatter filled his ears. People liked him and cared about him. These people would never want to bring him any harm. Regulus truly felt safe in that place. Regulus was happy.

After another song finished, there was a light tap on his shoulder. Regulus turned to face Pandora, a girl he hadn’t had much chance yet to talk to, smiling at him and holding out her hand as an invitation for more dancing. She had beautiful white hair and a soft expression on her face. Immediately, Regulus accepted her invitation, already getting the hang of it by then.

The band started playing a slower song than all of the others, so Pandora linked her hands behind Regulus’ neck and just swayed with him to the rhythm.

“You’re very popular tonight,” she observed quietly, her voice sounding like the earliest hours of the morning. Her eyes were kind and calm. Everything about her emitted positive energy and being in her close proximity was almost strange in contrast with what Regulus had always been used to.

“Dorcas said I’m the hero of the village.”

Pandora laughed with him and her fingers drummed a pattern to the skin of Regulus’ neck. “You are. It’s good you’re getting the praise for it.”

Regulus pondered her words and shook his head in disbelief. “If anyone would be the hero of the village, it would be Remus.”

His companion hummed. “Don’t worry, he’s getting praises for it too. Don’t cut yourself short, love.” She made him sway some more into the rhythm before speaking again: “I don’t know if anyone told you about this but I’m hosting meditation sessions every day in both the morning and the evening.” They turned around the fire once. “You should join us sometime.”

“Meditation sessions?” he asked curiously, adjusting his hands firmer on her back.

“Yeah,” she smiled at him some more. “Sometimes, the transition between your beliefs isn’t as seamless as one would expect. Seeking comfort in the existence of higher powers is natural for people like us who were raised with a certain image of the world,” she explained and squeezed his neck gently. “Just because the gods we were raised to believe in were false and evil, doesn’t mean there aren’t other religions which could benefit you better.”

Hearing something like that was perhaps too overwhelming to hear all at once for Regulus to completely understand what she was saying, but he was willing to try. He would always be willing to try. “Other religions?”

Nodding in answer, Pandora took some time before replying properly. “Going from a strong belief to believing in nothing at all is something that can seriously damage a person’s mental sanity. People can doubt the meaning of life or their overall role in the world. Sometimes, this can do more harm than good and lead to thoughts that make your life harder than it actually is.” She looked at him importantly and something about it warned Regulus not to take her words in vain. “If this is something you struggle with, you should consider joining us for some of the sessions. We work on our personal development and figure out what is the best way to keep ourselves satisfied in this world.”

Regulus bit his bottom lip, thinking about the offer thoroughly. “I don’t know. I think I’m done with gods.” And it was the truth. Regulus knew now what his purpose in this life was. He didn’t need any gods to tell him what to do.

A smile met his reluctance and fingers brushed against his cheeks. “That’s okay. I just want you to know that you’re always welcome.”

Not for the first time, Regulus found himself surprised by the geniality of the people around him. “Thank you,” he whispered and meant every single letter.

Pandora kissed his cheek chastely, letting him go as the song had finished. “You’re welcome.” She looked at something behind him and nodded that way, a fond expression on her face. “Go on. I think you have another person waiting for you.”

Behind him, James was holding an eager toddler who was fully red in the face from his effort of trying to slip from his father’s hold. “You can let go now, Daddy. The song is over!” Harry said in what probably meant to be a calm and collected voice but was undermined by his unsuccessful attempts at taking big steps forward but in the air.

James snorted in amusement and finally let his son down on the ground. “Okay, baby. But go slowly. You have to be careful now that…”

Before he could finish, though, Harry was already running towards Regulus, screeching ‘Reggie!’ and butting into his legs.

“Will you dance with me now, please please?” the boy pleaded, looking up at Regulus and gripping Regulus’ trousers tightly in his fists. Thick bandages were wrapped around his head and covered the vision of his right eye.

Apparently, Harry’s left eye had more damage in vision than his right eye. Lily said that covering his better eye would allow for the worse one to adjust better. Before, Harry’s right eye was doing all the work and getting worse and worse. By covering it, his left eye would have to make more effort and, therefore, eventually see better.

It was all complicated and Regulus hadn’t understood Lily completely when she explained it to him but he was hopeful it would work. Another addition was a wooden stick that Sirius made and which Harry swung in front of him when he wanted to walk somewhere. It allowed him to walk around without any considerable danger of walking into something and injuring himself. The stick was now in James’ hand who, as Regulus noticed, was watching them like a hawk.

Regulus crouched down to Harry’s height and offered his hands for the boy to hold. “Of course, I will. Come on.”

Dancing with a child, Regulus learned, consisted of said child stepping on his feet and swaying wildly to the point the child would laugh with glee and ask for more ‘Circles!’. Of course, Regulus would oblige, but he was unbelievably dizzy by the end of the song, holding onto Harry languidly.

Subsequently, Harry lifted his arms and demanded ‘Up!’ before curling into the crook of Regulus’ neck and breathing heavily.

“Sleepy?” Regulus asked, brushing his hand over Harry’s back and smoothing his hair down the boy’s scalp.

Harry yawned, his drool already pooling on Regulus’ shirt. “Yah,” the boy mumbled and one of his hands rubbed his uncovered eye. “Sleep with Mummy today.”

“Okay. Let’s find your Mummy.”

Once they found Lily, Harry was already sleeping in his arms. Regulus carefully handed the child over and Lily thanked him quietly before going to James to retrieve Harry’s stick. Watching them interact was strange and truly, Regulus was lost at how he was supposed to feel about it. Just a little broken family, slowly mending its bond after years of trauma. Regulus supposed that was the purpose of this place. A sanctuary to heal your wounds in.

Regulus watched James kiss the top of Harry’s head before doing the same to Lily. It was too late by then for the band to play any more songs and so Regulus was left standing in front of the dying fire, watching as the sun set past the horizon. It was dark, but not scary. It was just an indication of another day passing by. Another day of many more.

A light tap on his shoulder made him halt in his musing and turn around.

“May I have this dance?” James’ hand was stretched forward, the other scratching the back of his neck nervously.

The campfire was already cleared out of all the other inhabitants and Regulus wondered how long he must have stood there. He suppressed the growing smile on his face and looked at James properly. Handsome, kind, selfless and so caring. It was inevitable to stay away from him.

“There isn’t any music,” he stated and made a point of looking around them to emphasise how ridiculous that proposal sounded.

Instead of backing out, James smiled even more brightly. “You don’t need any music when you’re with me.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Regulus choked on his laugh and took James’ hand into his, his fingertips buzzing from the touch.

Still smiling, James carefully put one large hand on Regulus’ waist, palm heavy and solid, apparently charged with electricity as it spread through the whole expansion of Regulus’ body. His other hand squeezed Regulus’ hand tighter and inconspicuously entwined their fingers together.

Regulus' breath hitched in his chest but he tried hard not to let it be known. The ground beneath them was floating. At least Regulus had the faintest suspicion that it was. The stars above them seemed to shine brighter, but it was all subdued by the sight in front of him.

All of James’ attention was on Regulus. His calculating eyes roamed across Regulus’ face, lingering on multiple places as if he wanted to burn the image into his mind. The hand on Regulus’ waist squeezed and slowly, oh so slowly, moved towards his back where it settled.

The intimacy of the moment was enough to bring some colour to Regulus’ face and he looked to the side, biting his lip and hoping the uncontrollable shivers of his body would soon pass.

As it was, James wasn’t a person who would miss this reaction and the smile on his face morphed into a very pleased smirk. “It was torture watching you dance with everyone but me,” he finally broke the silence and brought their joined hands to Regulus’ chin where they locked on his skin, pulling him back to face James again.

“Why didn’t you ask me, then?”

James shrugged. “It wasn’t the right time. You were enjoying yourself for the very first time. Making it all about me and my desires seemed selfish.”

The blush on his cheeks even deepened as Regulus desperately fought with himself not to shy away from James’ piercing gaze. “And now it seemed like a good time?”

“I’m a very patient man, love.”

Finally, they started swaying. It was quiet but for the sounds of nature and the crackling of the dying fire. Regulus imagined it was just him and James in the whole world, dancing to the sounds of the wind.

Boldly, Regulus allowed himself to lean closer to the other man and put his head on James’ chest. There, James’ heart thudded a steady rhythm which Regulus decided to dance to instead. He exhaled once, shuddering as James started to brush his hand against Regulus’ spine.

“You know,” he started, his voice muffled partly by James’ shirt. “I didn’t think I would still be here by now.

The hand on his spine stilled. “What do you mean?”

“I thought he would have found me by now. He didn’t. To be honest, I think he never will,” Regulus whispered, closing his eyes once James stopped moving whatsoever.

James just stood there and pulled Regulus closer to his body, his hand sliding up to Regulus’ hair.

“He won’t,” he confirmed and the hold he had on Regulus tightened. “He won’t,” he emphasized again for good measure, perhaps hoping his words alone would keep the wrath of Teutates’ power away.

Regulus shrugged at James’ determination. “I don’t think I’ll ever be convinced he won’t, but I’m willing to try.” He has been trying.

“That’s good. That’s a good start,” James nodded against his head and swayed some more. “You won’t go to Pandora’s meditations?” he asked and his voice carried through the chilly wind.

Sighing, the wind struck Regulus right on his chest and left him breathless. “I don’t know. I don’t want to deal with everything all over again. It was enough the first time I found out that killing me isn’t a blessing,” he paused. “I just want to live normally. I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

The hand on his back lifted higher and tangled in Regulus’ hair. “Sometimes healing can be more painful than getting hurt. It sucks, but it’s worth it and I really think you should try it. Living in fear every day is not something you deserve.”

“What do I deserve, then?”

“You deserve to be happy.”

Regulus smiled stupidly, thankful to be hidden from James’ gaze as he nuzzled more into his shirt. It smelled smoky from the fire. “I am happy,” he admitted quietly, circling his free hand to reach James’ shoulder and squeeze it. “I would fight him. If he came for me.”

“Good.” James' chin dropped to the top of Regulus’ head as he put a lingering kiss into Regulus’ hair, so light he almost didn’t notice it. “And I’ll be here to help you fight him. Everyone will help you fight him.”

Regulus already knew that, but it was nice to hear. Sometimes, what he thought in his head, didn’t match the reality of his life. Regulus liked to believe he was getting better at deciphering that too.

They swayed some more, just enjoying their company and staying in comfortable silence. For Regulus, James was like a calm river; one that would bring him peace, not demise. He thought about his future and couldn’t picture himself without the man so close to him. Regulus imagined never leaving his tribe and dying for an unknown cause; never discovering this amazing eye-opening part of his life which he’d be robbed of otherwise. How much would he have missed out on? How much was he missing now?

“James?” Regulus lifted his head to look up at the man, studying his every feature and burning it into his memory. He was done with missing out. He was done with being afraid.

“Yeah?” James’ voice sounded breathless as he looked down at Regulus and locked their gazes together. His face was dark in the late sun's rays, but his eyes shone brightly.

“Would you kiss me if I asked you to?”

A beat.

“Yeah.”

And so Regulus stopped being afraid and he leaned in, connecting their lips in one smooth motion, closing the minimal distance between their bodies and pouring everything he was thinking into his actions.

James’ hands were hot and heavy on his skin, brushing away all the anxiety that had been settling on his shoulders lately. Everything went quiet, and Regulus didn’t hesitate in grabbing James' shirt in his fist and claiming his mouth more firmly.

A sound left James’ throat as he did so and his chin moved this and that way, making Regulus’ head spin as a hesitant tongue touched his lips and then slid inside, more confident.

Flames went up his arms and neck and continued all the way to his toes. James was warm and safe and Regulus thought he could never stop himself from taking this, taking James, every chance he got, now that he knew what it felt like to have him so close. Regulus had lost all hope at feeling so aflame. Apparently, it was still possible and it was so possible, in fact, that Regulus had to lean back from James so he would not burst.

Eyes like saucers, James stared at him, his mouth halfway open as if he was unsure whether or not he was allowed to close it.

“I-,” he started but it was evident he had no words for what was happening inside his head.

Regulus decided to make it easier for him. “I really liked that.”

James finally closed his mouth in shock and blinked at him. “Yeah, yeah. Me too. I did like that. Yeah…uh…I…,”

Watching him struggle might have been amusing in any other situation, but at that moment, Regulus didn’t want to lose him. “But I need time.”

The shock immediately subdued and something close to disappointment settled between James’ eyebrows. “Oh, yeah. Totally.”

“I’m not saying I don’t want this. It’s the opposite, really, but…,” Regulus hesitated before staring into James’ eyes, hoping to find understanding instead of betrayal, and he did, of course, he did. “It’s just a lot right now. You heard me. I’m still looking over my shoulder in case someone’s there to snatch me. I need to figure this out, first,” he explained and trailed one of his hands down James’ bicep, tapping his temple with the other one.

They let the quiet linger for a while. James was quiet, just observing and listening. Regulus was grateful for his patience.

“I know it’s asking a lot, but if you were willing to wait, I would be happy to…,” Regulus gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. Just say it. Just say it. Why was it so hard for him to be vulnerable? Why was it so hard to say a few simple words?

“Okay.”

Surprised, Regulus looked at him again. “What?”

“Okay. I’ll wait.” Instead of being angry, James smiled at him in that soft way of his in which his joy became sickeningly contagious.

This time, it was Regulus’ turn to open his mouth in shock. “James, I can’t ask you that. It’s too much.”

“It’s not like we can’t be friends, no?”

Regulus frowned in confusion. How could James take this all so easily? How could he just say things like that? “Well, no, but-”

“Then I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to wait.”

“James.”

A hand touched his cheek, quieting all of the anxious thoughts inside Regulus’ brain. A warm thumb brushed up and down along the skin. “Honestly, Regulus. I would rather have you in any way I can than not have you at all.”

It was decided, Regulus was forever done for. How did he manage to have someone like James in his life? How has his life managed to turn so upside down and yet so…

“You are marvellous.” There. He said it.

His bravery was met by a blinding smile and a second hand on his other cheek. “You are lovely.”

Regulus blushed, but smiled back, not being able to hide his overflowing happiness anymore. “I promise you won’t have to wait too long.”

James’ thumbs brushed over his eyelids and nose and the top of his lip. “I’ll wait as long as you’ll need me to,” he answered and put a careful kiss on Regulus' forehead.

And Regulus thought to himself. This is it. This is what my life was supposed to be all this time.

He had slept over at James’ that night, whispering secrets, fears and hopes in the dead of the night. Regulus once again fell asleep with James’ head under his chin and decided that it was the only way to get proper sleep from then on.

Explaining how all that happened to Sirius, was certainly one of the worse things Regulus had ever had to do. As punishment for sleeping in for his shift, Regulus not only had to be the victim of everyone’s laughter and teasing but was also granted the duty of going around the village to tend to people who were unable to visit the infirmary by themselves. He’d pretended to be offended at being given such an ‘uneventful’ chore but was secretly pleased by the faith others had in his abilities to do it all by himself.

Regulus’ first stop was Arthur, whose health had been improving every day. As he’d found out, his and Molly’s house was full of loud ginger children.

After he knocked on the door, a boy he’d only ever seen sparsely opened it for him with a glare.

“Who are you?” he asked suspiciously and looked pointedly at Regulus’ medical bag.

Nervous, Regulus glanced behind him into the house, hoping to catch sight of Molly or either of the twins, but was not lucky.

“Um,” Regulus gulped loudly. “I’m Regulus. I’m a healer and I’m here to check on Arthur,” he explained finally and watched as the boy’s sour look turned to a toothless smile.

“Okay! Come with me!” he exclaimed and bounced inside the house. “MOOOM!” he shouted into the big building. “Mr Healer is here to check on Dad!” he yelled and jumped his way into one of the rooms.

Arthur lay there inside his bed with Molly and Alice at his side. They all looked up at him when he entered.

“Oh, Regulus! How nice of you to come by! I hope it’s only regular stuff and not something serious,” Molly greeted him and stood up to embrace him. “I hope Percy didn’t give you much of a hard time. He’s been practising his leadership qualities lately. He wants to be part of the board when he grows up,” she explained and winked at him.

He greeted all of them and proceeded with the usual check-up while listening to the conversation between the three of them and sharing some of his thoughts here and there.

During the short period, at least a dozen kids popped in and talked Regulus’ head off with their questions, asking when ‘their Daddy will be able to play with them again’. Already used to having no peace, Regulus easily answered and mostly focused on his work. To his satisfaction, Arthur’s health has improved since the last time he saw him, so he left the Weasleys with nothing but good news and a promise that the kids had to wait just a few more days.

The rest of his day was equally uneventful.

It was when Regulus was returning to the infirmary to put back his medical bag when a childish shout interrupted him on his walk. On a little meadow in between the houses, Harry and some other kids, Regulus guessed Ron, Neville and Luna, were running around playing a game of tag. They were running in circles, shrieking happily and pushing themselves around gently. Harry’s stick was discarded on the ground and James and Pandora stood nearby, evidently sucked into a heated debate.

A small smile tugged at Regulus’ lips and he decided to stop in his tracks and watch them. Harry was the fastest of them, so quick and sneaky in his movements that the other kids had trouble catching up. Neville was the slowest one, but Luna never strayed too far from him, encouraging the boy to run quicker.

Regulus wondered if his life could have ever looked like that. Was it possible that in any universe, this could be him and Sirius? Running around without any fear of gods interrupting them in their joy. Shrieking out loud without it being forbidden. A wave of sorrow washed over him, mourning the life he and Sirius were robbed of. Could this once have been him?

“Harry! Slow down! We can’t catch up!” Ron squealed with laughter, running a few paces behind and huffing loudly, clearly exhausted.

Regulus watched them with amusement, burying his sadness into the deep side of his mind and focusing on the present instead. Harry didn’t stop, giggling at his almost-confirmed win.

In any other circumstances, Regulus would leave them to it, but Harry wasn’t stopping. He kept on running, putting a more significant distance between himself and his companions. Harry just kept on running, heading towards the carpenter's workshop. Straight towards a discarded axe.

Even though Harry was staring straight ahead, it was evident he didn’t see the weapon. It was obvious he had no plans of slowing down.

Dread took hold of Regulus as he watched the child run towards the axe. Not much space was left before Harry would impale himself on it.

Finally, Regulus started running towards him. “Harry! Stop!”

With horror, Regulus watched from afar how the boy kept on getting closer and closer. It seemed like his legs couldn’t move fast enough to get to Harry on time.

“Stop, Harry!” he tried shouting again, but the boy would just not listen.

Finally, Regulus was close enough to reach him. The axe was only inches from Harry’s head when Regulus snatched him away and threw them both as far away from it as he was able to. For a second, it was quiet and for a second, Regulus feared he didn’t make it in time and that he was holding a dead body in his arms. For a second, Regulus didn’t dare to breathe in case he was right.

But then the child in his arms started crying hysterically and Regulus sagged in relief.

“Harry,” he breathed out, thanking all the gods he didn’t believe in that Harry was alright.

The boy kept on crying, clutching to Regulus tightly, screaming and obviously distressed. But he was alright.

Taking the boy’s face in between his shaking hands, Regulus assessed the damage. There was so much blood, but he couldn’t see where it was coming from. For all it seemed, Harry was okay.

As his gaze flickered over the boy’s face, Regulus finally discovered a small scratch on his forehead. It was deep enough to scar, but not deep enough for it to bleed as much as it did.

Automatically, Regulus opened his medical bag and started taking out cloths and vials to clean the wound. Harry was still crying.

“Hey, love,” Regulus whispered, smiling at him warmly. “You’re okay. It’s just a scratch. I’m going to make it better, okay?”

Harry didn’t respond. Instead, he clung to Regulus’ tunic even more tightly.

With shaking hands, Regulus cleaned the scratch on Harry’s forehead, stopping the bleeding in seconds, murmuring: “There you go. It’s all good. No need to cry anymore. You’re okay.”

Then, a hand appeared on his shoulder. Regulus would recognise the pattern of James’ hand anywhere. The moment Harry saw his father, he cried even louder, reaching for him with bloody hands. James crouched down next to them and pulled his son to his side, his eyes never leaving Regulus out of their sight, reflecting something close to shock and worry.

“I’m sorry, James,” Regulus choked out, pleading with all his might, hoping James wouldn’t hate him. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve been quicker. I should’ve realised much sooner, I-”

“Regulus.”

“It’s just a scratch. I swear he’s gonna be okay.”

“Regulus. Your arm.”

Regulus stopped. “What?”

Carefully, James’ hand moved from his shoulder to his hand. Regulus watched it curiously until he spotted what it was trying to reveal.

His tunic was ripped on his arm, soaked in dark red blood.

“Oh.”

In all of the rush, Regulus hadn’t realised he was injured as well. He could see a deep gash stretching out from his wrist to his elbow, bleeding rapidly. It was only when he saw the wound that he actually felt its impact. The shaking in his hands finally made sense.

“Oh,” he breathed out again.

Regulus wasn’t stupid. He knew the wound would never completely heal from the looks of it. It would leave a scar.

A scar.

He wasn’t fit for the gods anymore. Regulus would have a scar.

Faintly, he noticed Lily rushing to his other side, grabbing his medical bag.

“Gosh, Regulus. I don’t know if I should kiss you or throttle you.”

She grasped his arm and started cleaning it.

Regulus let her.

As the blood cleared away, Regulus had a proper view of the damage. He was lucky enough not to have any of his veins cut. But Regulus was scarred now. Teutates would never accept him as a suitable victim anymore. He would never want him now.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t see it! I’m sorry!” Harry cried next to him, tucking himself into his father’s embrace, sobbing and hiccuping. “I’ll never leave my stick again. I promise! Never never never.”

James tutted, his attention solely on Regulus’ injury, ensuring he was going to be okay. He was holding Harry with all his might, rocking them back and forward on the ground.

“That’s okay, baby. I’m happy you’re okay. Never scare me like that again. Do you hear me?”

Once the wound was clean, Lily started bandaging it together. Regulus watched, hypnotized, as she made it disappear from his sight, but it was inevitable now. From then on, the presence of the scar would always be there.

Regulus was free. Completely, undoubtedly. Free.

“Hey. Can you hear me?” Lily asked from his side, snapping her fingers in front of his face. “Regulus, look at me,” she demanded. Regulus kept on looking at his newly covered imperfection.

“Is Uncle Reggie okay, Mummy?”

“Don’t worry about him, munchkin. Uncle Reggie is just in shock. Come here, let me look at the nasty scratch.”

Free. Free. Free.

It went slowly, but Regulus’ mouth formed into a smile and then he started laughing. All three of them looked at him as if he was crazy, staring at him with open mouths.

Even though Regulus' arm was on fire, he put it to his face and observed it closely. It couldn’t be denied, there was no coming back from this.

Regulus laughed harder.

“Uncle Reggie?”

Harry was then standing in front of him, a worried look on his face. There were tear tracks on his cheeks and he was still hiccuping a little, taking in heavy breaths as if he was seconds away from coughing.

Free.

Regulus opened his arms for the boy, smiling from ear to ear. “Come here, Harry,” he said and was delighted when the child slammed into him with a force.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I’ll never do it again. I promise,” the boy kept on repeating, squeezing Regulus’ middle with his small arms.

Lily and James stared at him some more before joining their embrace. Regulus was surrounded by people he loved and laughed once more, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. He put one hand into Harry’s hair and pulled him tighter into him.

“Thank you,” Regulus whispered, laughing and laughing, tears streaming down his cheeks from inexplicable happiness. Free. Free. Free.

They stayed in that position for what felt like hours, but Regulus had no intentions of letting them go. Regulus would never let them go again. He would never ever leave them. Never.

“Are you okay?” Lily finally asked him, an obvious worry in her voice as she observed Regulus’ state.

Instead of saying anything, Regulus took her hand and squeezed.

Once.