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Can't she just be fucking normal and have something come to her easy for once? Like, Tai and Van are basically a married couple and no one bats an eye, so why the fuck is she even finding it so hard to just walk over to Shauna and ask if it meant anything?
Being in a fucked-up summer camp isn’t the worst position to be in—James Zimmer is still out for her blood after he found out what went down with her and his girlfriend, so it’s not like her life is a playground. With all the cannibalism and starvation happening, how her biggest problem right now is getting stuck in the fucking wilderness with a bunch of seemingly straight girls is beyond her.
It’s not like she’s scared of Shauna anyway. She’d let Shauna do anything to her if it made her feel good. She’d be what Lottie was that night for her, whenever. Funny how everyone watched and let a grieving mother do that, then got mad at her for doing it, then got even angrier at her for not getting over it. Shauna isn’t ever happy about anything, but the kiss seemed to make her feel better. Or maybe it was the threatening part that did it for her. Either way, the rage in her face simmers down to simple anger, and she writes slower now, like she wants to enjoy what she’s writing about instead of just letting off steam.
She isn’t a stalker. Promise. But when your only friend is blowing you off to become a main character and everyone else is already paired off, all you can do is watch—especially when no one else is watching you. She watches Shauna go into the woods. She does too much and follows her. Goes an extra mile and places a flower on the baby's grave. Then she kisses her. She’s flying way too close to the sun, and she’ll smile when she burns.
The knife wasn’t something she knew she was interested in. You learn stuff about yourself when you’re stuck in the wilderness—knifeplay being one of them. It leaves a mark, and she doesn’t mind. Even if people see, she doesn’t mind. She’ll be whatever Shauna wants, and if that means showing it by marking her, then so be it. The line on her neck tingles when it gets hot. Makes it hard not to think about her. The way her fingers dug into the sides of her neck. It wasn’t sweet, it definitely wasn’t soft, but it was something, and she wants it again. So she braids her hair to the best of her ability—since Gen is too busy to do anything with her—and she puts on her little cap as an added measure. If she’s doing this, she should look wantable. At least as much as fucking possible under such circumstances.
She doesn’t know where Shauna is, but she’s certain she’ll find her. She’s good at looking at and/or for people. She’ll see her and say, "Hey, there you are. I've been looking for you." And her and Shauna will talk, and then she’ll know if she’s stuck with a lifetime of wilderness people-watching blue-ball fest or Shauna, who treats hatred like an extreme sport.
She finds Shauna. Sitting cross-legged on a log, writing. She wonders how her days go. Shauna doesn’t do much around, considering all she’s had to see cutting up the things and people they’ve eaten. Besides, no one hates themselves enough to talk to Shauna about anything like that. Except maybe her.
"Stalk much?" Shauna spots her.
Right. No problem, she’ll just— "Hey, there you are. I've been looking for you."
"Well, you found me." Okay, so, so far this isn’t going very well. Whatever amount of desperation that inspired confidence to come talk to this girl has drained into the soil, and now all that’s left is her hat-headed self. Not a good feeling.
Nevertheless, she persists. "Can we, like, um... talk?"
Like Melissa has been invisible this whole time and just now turned off her powers, Shauna looks up. "About what?"
Is she being serious? Did Melissa hallucinate the knife against her throat or the way Shauna held her against that tree? It makes a little sense though—they come when they’re mad at their boyfriends, or in this case, the world, and then act like she doesn’t exist. Or, worst case scenario, some dude tries to kill her.
"You can stay, if you want."
Fuck yeah, she wants. In fact, there is nothing she wants more. Well, not being in the Canadian wilderness is an option. But who fucking cares—Shauna wants her to stay.
"Yeah, sure. Cool." Hopefully, that sounds calmer than she feels.
Whatever she wanted to talk about with Shauna totally disappears when she takes a seat on the log. It’s silent. And Shauna is definitely expecting her to talk. She wants to talk, right?
"You're not gonna turn out to be fucking boring, are you?"
How does anyone even reply to that? She can’t say anything because that would make her out to be not only boring but corny as fuck. So she settles for a lame smile. Shauna doesn’t hate her or the fact that they kissed. In fact, she smiles. She looks her up and down and smiles at her.
Her heart is already beating too fast, and if it gets any faster, it might just tear into pieces.
Then, of course Mari comes and destroys the moment.