Work Text:
Lan Xichen knows that people do not like loud things, and so when she meets Nie Mingjue she assumes, in spite of everything, that they are a poor match.
They have been betrothed to each other for nearly a year now. The negotiations were lengthy and complicated. There was much to discuss and compromise over, and Lan Xichen had a small part in helping her uncle to hammer out the finer points. Lan Xichen was well-educated and diplomatic, but Lan Xichen's own opinions were, of course, of no importance. Lan Xichen had learned at a very early age not to speak her mind. Not that her family had ever punished her for it, but it was clear to her as a child that her opinions were not welcome, and so she learned not to have them. She became good at listening, and making everyone around her feel heard, even if she herself didn't speak up.
The first time they meet, Lan Xichen is a guest in the Unclean Realm, and she is struck by how imposing her fiance's reputation does not do her justice. Nie Mingjue is the picture of a fierce warrior, and it does not take Lan Xichen long to understand why she is feared by her enemies and respected by her allies.
Nie Mingjue is loud, too, and not in the same way as Lan Xichen. She does not keep her opinions to herself, and she makes them known. Sometimes, Lan Xichen is sure that her uncle must think the Nies are rude, because the words that come from Nie Mingjue's mouth would never dare to escape Lan Xichen's lips, for fear of a reprimand. But it doesn't seem to bother anyone. In fact, when Lan Xichen thinks back on the conversations that have happened since she's been here, everyone's eyes were not drawn to Lan Xichen, who sat there quietly and did her best to listen and remember, but instead focused on Nie Mingjue, who had no problem with letting her voice ring out.
After a week of this, Lan Xichen is sure they are not a match. She is a quiet, demure woman, and Nie Mingjue is not. That will not work. It is impossible for two such different people to make a match, no matter what her uncle and father may say.
She says nothing of this to Nie Mingjue, and Nie Mingjue does not acknowledge her existence much outside of polite conversation. Lan Xichen can see the appeal, and she's not blind, she knows that her future wife is very beautiful. But they are a poor match, and she is determined not to get her hopes up.
"What do you think?" Nie Mingjue asks one day, after a particularly heated debate over the merits of different cultivation styles. Lan Xichen, who had sat there silently, not even looking up from the table, startles, realizing the question is being asked of her.
"It would be beneficial for our sects to be unified," she says, because that's a neutral answer. That's a safe answer. She does not say that the benefits of a union between the Gusu Lan and Qinghe Nie sects is not worth the price she would have to pay, for the rest of her life.
"That's not what I asked," Nie Mingjue says, and her expression is unreadable. "I want to know your thoughts."
Lan Xichen stares at her, not quite understanding. Those were her thoughts; she had thought that would be clear.
"I agree with Sect Leader Lan," she says, and turns her gaze away, unwilling to see Nie Mingjue's reaction. It would do neither of them any good to grow close. It's best not to get her hopes up.
A month passes. It is a long month, and Lan Xichen finds it increasingly difficult to look away from Nie Mingjue's face. This was a poor decision. Her resolve is crumbling.
Another meeting, and Nie Mingjue again addresses Lan Xichen.
"What is your opinion on this matter, Zewu-jun?" she asks.
Lan Xichen glances nervously at her uncle, who is looking at her with an expression she's never seen before.
"It would benefit our sect," she says. "We are very isolated, and it would be good for us to strengthen our alliances."
"But do you believe it's worth the expense?" Nie Mingjue prompts.
Lan Xichen looks down, unable to hold her gaze. "I don't know," she says.
"Would you care to guess?"
Lan Xichen is not often given to anger, but her face grows hot and her jaw tightens. What sort of game is this, trying to get her to make a mistake? Does she want to prove that the Lan sect is wrong to choose her, or does she merely wish to embarrass Lan Xichen in front of the other sect leaders?
"I wouldn't," she says stiffly. "Thank you."
Her uncle seems to have caught on, and he clears his throat. "I do not believe my niece is in a position to offer an opinion," he says, and the matter is dropped.
That night, Nie Mingjue knocks on the door of the quarters Lan Xichen has been staying in, and enters before being invited.
"Sect Leader Nie," Lan Xichen says, surprised, and rises. "I was not expecting you."
"You were not?" Nie Mingjue is dressed casually, a simple shirt and trousers, her hair falling over her shoulders. Lan Xichen is still in her tight fitting bra, waist trainers and corsets, her hair bound and pinned. It's been a long day, and she had just been prepared to painstakingly remove everything.
"May I ask the reason for your visit?" she asks.
Nie Mingjue walks around the room, examining the items there. Lan Xichen had brought a few personal items from home, but mostly the room was bare. She had not wished to make herself at home, in a place that was not.
"I wanted to see you," Nie Mingjue says.
Lan Xichen doesn't respond, waiting for more of an explanation, but Nie Mingjue offers none.
"May I help you with something?" she asks finally, unable to stand the silence.
Nie Mingjue turns then, and her smile is almost kind. "Sit," she says, pointing at a chair. Lan Xichen does, and is shocked when Nie Mingjue walks over and begins removing her hairpins, letting her hair fall loose.
"Sect Leader Nie, is there a reason for—"
"Mingjue," Nie Mingjue corrects.
"Mingjue-xiong," Lan Xichen amends. "I don't understand—"
"Shh," Nie Mingjue hushes her, and Lan Xichen stops speaking immediately. She does not resist as her robes are removed, but she flinches when Nie Mingjue reaches to untie the laces of her underclothes.
"You needn't," she says. "Really, I—"
"Do you trust me?" Nie Mingjue asks.
Lan Xichen hesitates, and then nods.
"Then trust that I want to help you. You will let me, won't you?
"Of course," Lan Xichen says, and holds herself still as her clothes are removed, and the corset and waist trainers are carefully peeled off. She can feel her waist expanding, and her ribs no longer ache, but it feels strange, unnatural, to be without the corsets.
"Relax," Nie Mingjue commands.
It's hard, not being allowed to speak. Harder than it was as a child. As a child, Lan Xichen did not know that there was anything different about her. As an adult, she does, and she knows that her silence is considered a virtue. But her silence does not feel like a virtue. It feels like a lie.
"Breathe," Nie Mingjue urges, and Lan Xichen obeys, letting out a long, slow breath.
Nie Mingjue massages the sore muscles of her waist, her thumbs digging into her flesh and kneading it gently. Her fingers are warm and her hands are large and strong. It feels nice, nicer than going to bed as her ribs ache, just to avoid thinking about her body for a moment longer..
"You will not wear these while you're here," Nie Mingjue tells her. "I will not have you harmed on my account."
"They aren't harmful," Lan Xichen says, her eyes fluttering closed as Nie Mingjue continues her massage. "I have worn them all my life."
"Do you always do what's expected of you, Lan Huan?" Nie Mingjue asks.
Lan Xichen frowns slightly. "Of course." She doesn't remember giving her her milk name.
Nie Mingjue's thumbs pause on her stomach, and her hands grip Lan Xichen's waist. "Not while you're here. Not if I can help it."
"What is it you would have me do, then?" Lan Xichen asks, her eyes opening. She looks up at Nie Mingjue, whose eyes are dark.
"Speak," Nie Mingjue says simply.
"I'm afraid I have never been very good at that," Lan Xichen answers.
"I'm a better listener than you might expect," Nie Mingjue assures her. "I will hear whatever you have to say."
"I'm not sure what I have to say is interesting," Lan Xichen murmurs.
"Then tell me about yourself," Nie Mingjue tells her. "I'm told I have an excellent memory. I'm sure I'll find something to listen to."
"I can't," Lan Xichen says, and tries to pull away, but Nie Mingjue is holding her in place.
"You can't speak," Nie Mingjue repeats.
"No," Lan Xichen says. She feels her eyes sting, and looks away. "I don't know what there is about me to say."
"Then tell me the things you are not allowed to," Nie Mingjue suggests.
Lan Xichen looks back up, and Nie Mingjue's face is serious, but her gaze is warm.
"Tell me," she says, and this time it is a command, not a suggestion.
Lan Xichen does, the words pouring out of her as though they have been waiting for a chance to escape her throat. She speaks for so long that her throat grows hoarse, and her chest aches, and her eyes are swollen and wet with tears, and she does not stop. Nie Mingjue curls up beside her and listens.
Lan Xichen talks and talks and talks. Idle gossip, observations she has made, opinions she has not dared express. She tells Nie Mingjue everything.Things she's heard her brother say, the things she'd like to say back. Complaints, and frustrations, whatever.
She talks until she falls asleep, and when she wakes the next morning, Nie Mingjue is not there. Going to get dressed, she shrugs off the late night visit as merely a dream induced by her exhaustion, and returns to her routine.
Except, when she reaches for the waist trainer, it's not there.
Lan Xichen's brow furrows, and she searches for it. It's nowhere to be found, and neither are her corsets. Her uncle and brother will be expecting her soon, and she needs to get ready, and she has no idea how to explain—
"Good morning," Nie Mingjue says, entering the room unannounced. "I have your breakfast here."
Lan Xichen is stunned. "My apologies, Sect Leader Nie, but where are my—?"
"I disposed of them," Nie Mingjue says casually, as though that is an appropriate thing for a sect leader to do.
"But.. I must—"
"Eat," Nie Mingjue urges. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."
"It's not the clothes," Lan Xichen protests. "It's what's underneath. You have to wear the corsets or the underclothes or—"
"Or else your waist will be too big, and you won't fit into the dress, and then no one will look at you?" Nie Mingjue suggests.
"Yes, that's exactly what will happen," Lan Xichen says, not realizing until the words are out of her mouth just how ridiculous that sounds.
Nie Mingjue smiles. "It's not the clothes," she says. "I am going to show you that. Will you let me?"
Lan Xichen is not entirely sure what this has to do with a betrothal. But she's never been asked her opinion, not really, and she's never been given permission to speak her mind.
"All right," she says, and takes the food Nie Mingjue offers her.
They're a poor match, she thinks.
For once, however, she hopes that this one good thing will last.