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Bobby is sitting on Chimney’s couch with a soda in hand. Chimney doesn’t have any alcohol at his apartment anymore, since Hen and Buck basically forced Chimney to take Bobby in so that someone will keep an eye on him after… the incident.
Of course they say that it’s because Chimney should have someone looking out for him while he recovers and to help around the house, but Bobby knows better. Still, he’s not offended. It’s kind of nice that they all care so much about whether he of all people is okay.
He doesn’t understand how he can deserve these people that he surrounds himself with. How he keeps getting a second chance over and over again. It doesn’t feel like he deserves it, but God keeps giving it to him and who is he to spit on a sign from God?
So, he takes it. Selfishly he takes it. Selfishly he lets himself have a night like this, with Buck, Chimney and Hen surrounding him as they laugh. A night 148 people will never get to have ever again…
A lull falls in the midst of conversation, but before he can spiral, Buck suddenly takes a deep breath, getting everyone’s attention . H e cautiously asks them: “Can I ask something of you guys and it not be a big deal? Or like weird?”
“That depends, Buckaroo, are you going to ask something weird?” Chimney shoots back, head lolling against the back of the couch so he faces Buck. “I mean, I’m not giving you a lap dance no matter how handsome and sexy I know I am.”
“Oh shove off,” Buck exclaims, but despite the blush there is an easy grin on his face now, feeling more comfortable with what he’s about to ask.
Bobby doesn’t know what question could make Buck nervous, he is practically shameless with the things he shares. He doesn’t think he’s met someone who shares as much as Buck. So trying to imagine what he can be nervous to share makes him a little anxious.
The feeling is clearly shared, because when Buck doesn’t say anything else for a moment, Hen gently prompts: “So what were you gonna ask?”
“Uhm, well, you see, I, uh- I was wondering if you guys would come to Chris’s birthday party?” he asks awkwardly, clearly bracing himself for their reactions.
It quickly clicks for Bobby that this is Buck letting them into something sensitive. He has never mentioned Chris before, but he is obviously important to Buck. Oh God, is Chris his boyfriend? Is this Buck coming out? Bobby can be normal about people coming out, but this is a big deal for Buck with the way he says it and Bobby isn’t always the best in making it the right amount of big deal. Will he mess this up?
However, before any of that spiral can get verbalized, Buck beats him to it, nervously spiraling himself: “I mean, you obviously don’t have to, but it would mean a lot, since we just moved here and while we’re going to hold a party with his friends, this one is kind of more family, adults, you know, but only Helena and Ramon are flying out and Abuela and tía Pepa live here, so there aren’t a lot of people and it’s kind of sad for a kid to turn seven without anyone in atten-”
“Wait,” Chimney cuts him off, “Chris is a kid?
Buck blinks for a moment, clearly surprised that that’s the question, before W realization hits him and he empathetically goes: “Yes. Yes! Uhm, yeah, Chris is a kid. He’s almost seven, wait hang on-” he digs around for his phone and pulls it out, showing them all a picture of a curly haired kid with thick glasses and a bright smile on his face. “Here! This is him,” Buck tells them proudly.
Internally Bobby has to do a whole 180 all over again. This is not Buck coming out, this is Buck fessing up to being a dad.
Oh my God, Buck is a dad! Bobby is even more out of his depth here. In fact, he can barely think over the repeating mantra: Buck is a dad. Buck is a dad. Buck is a dad .
Bobby barely feels deserving of his second chances on most days and this news causes his stomach to absolutely plummet. He sends Buck into danger every day. Buck stayed behind with him on that plane crash. He nearly died so many times over and Bobby never knew he would cause a boy to lose his dad if anything ever happened to Buck.
As a Captain he always, always, tries to ensure there are the least amount of casualties in his choices and the families of his firefighters weigh in on his choices. However, he made calls on the assumption Buck didn’t have the same kind of family that relied on him like, for example, Hen’s does. And he was wrong. Buck is a dad. He could have cost Chris his father.
In the background he can vaguely make out Chimney and Hen telling Buck that Chris is an adorable kid and of course they’d be there, but he can barely hear over the ringing in his ears.
Buck is a dad.
Bobby put Buck in danger.
He nearly robbed another child of their parent.
There are already so many lives he ruined, so many names he hasn’t rectified. And he almost put another name on the list. Almost broke up another family.
“Uh, Bobby?” Buck saying his name snaps him towards him, Buck’s face clearly anxious and nervous as he looks back: “Will- Will you come?” Then quicker he adds: “It’s totally okay if you don’t- I didn’t mean- You don’t have to. I just-”
“It’s okay,” Bobby cuts him off, he doesn’t want Buck to think he did something wrong by reaching out and opening up. Buck can use people, especially if he’s raising a kid, that’s not something to do in isolation. This is a good thing.
“Yeah?” Buck checks anyway, hopeful and vulnerable with his voice.
“Of course, yeah,” Bobby nods, swallowing all the emotions that come bubbling to the surface right now, as he says: “I’ll be there.”
“Great!” Instantly Buck’s face lights up with a smile. “We had planned to do it on February 24th, I asked that weekend off, but the party is on Saturday. But I’ll text you the address and time and stuff if that’s okay?”
“Sounds good to me,” Chimney smiles.
Bobby is glad that the attention is off him, though Hen gives him a sideway glance, before she also answers: “Yeah, that’s fine. Do you want me to bring Karen and Denny too? Denny is about Chris’s age.”
Buck’s face brightens at the suggestion, before it dims into something apologetic as he awkwardly says: “Uh, yeah, they’re- they’re welcome. Of course they are, just…”
Hen is now directing her look towards at Buck, clearly guarded. The whole room practically holds their breath as they wait for the end of that sentence. Depending on what Buck says, his future at the 118 can be very different. Despite how much Bobby has warmed up to the kid, the well being and safety of all his firefighters is the most important.
“Uhm, Helena and Ramon are kind of homophobic,” Buck tells her, looking a little miserable as he does. “They’re the only grandparents Chris has and they babysat a lot, so they’re close and no one really wants to take that from him, since his mom already walked out on him, so we all just… kind of put up with it? I know that sounds bad, but I’d thought I’d mention it. Like your family is more than welcome and I will tell them to shut up if they say anything, but I’d also get it if you don’t want to them in that situation, you know?”
It’s quiet for a moment as Buck fidgets, while everyone else tries to process.
Most had already gathered that since their newly twenty-six year old colleague was talking about his son turning seven, it probably hadn’t been a very planned pregnancy, which usually means a little messier custody. However, mom walking out… jikes, poor kid.
However, that doesn’t negate the homophobic parents, which are probably Buck’s. Him calling them by their full name isn’t a great sign about their relationship, not to mention him describing it as putting up with it for Chris’s sake. On the whole, they can understand him trying to fill the party with more people.
Still, all would also understand Hen bowing out with that knowledge. In the end, she says: “I think I’ll show up alone, if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, yeah, that is more than fine, thank you,” Buck immediately assures her. Tentatively offering an apologetic olive branch, he suggests: “Maybe we can plan a play date some other day?”
Hen smiles reassuringly at him as she says: “Yeah, of course.”
Again there is a silence, none of them really sure where to go from here. None of them had really seen this one coming, since they had created quite a different life for Buck in their minds and now have to sit with the reconfigured reality.
Buck, meanwhile, just sits there watching them. He obviously isn’t sure if he should say more or if he should let them sit in silence for a moment.
Chimney is the one who puts them all out of their misery in the end, saying: “I’m gonna be really honest, Bucko, I am still going to need a minute. I know I promised not to be weird, but I feel like a lap dance would have been less weird right now.”
That cracks Buck up and he laughs: “I’ll keep that in mind, you dick.”
“Hey, I’m trying here,” Chimney also laughs. “You just dropped a big thing on us here. I mean, you’re a dad, congrats, bit late, I know, but still. Now come on, tell me more about this kid. Like, what are his interests?”
Bobby watches as some final stress melts off of Buck’s shoulders at the comment and he listens as he talks a bit more about Chris. A pained nostalgia washes over him as he observes Buck talking about Chris. It’s the same pain he feels when Hen or any of his other firefighters mention their children around him.
Brooke and Junior deserved to still be alive for his wife to talk about them like that. He shouldn’t be here anymore after all the damage he caused, but he is. And it’s now his duty to ensure as many people will continue to have it. It’s the least he can do, the bare minimum he should do.
However, that resolve to make himself useful does not take away the hurt and he is a little quieter for the rest of the evening as Buck talks about dinosaurs and little science experiments he and Chris used to do back when he worked construction in El Paso.
The night winds down pretty soon after with both Buck and Hen saying their goodbyes, telling Bobby they’ll see him next shift and telling Chimney they’ll see him later. Both manage a goodbye back, Chimney’s a little more enthusiastic than Bobby’s.
Once they’re gone, Bobby goes to clean up, pretty sure that they’ll go to bed soon. Chimney teases him for having an old man schedule, but his meds make him sleepy, so he’s kind of on Bobby’s old man schedule, so he can’t really say too much.
But when Chimney joins him to help, he doesn’t start mindlessly rambling about something or other as he often does, instead his voice is a little quieter than usual and he kindly asks: “You doing okay, Cap?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah,” Bobby responds, not meeting Chimney’s eyes as he continues to do the dishes, wanting to be distracted from this conversation and his thoughts.
Unfortunately for Bobby, Chimney doesn’t take his word for it. “You sure? I mean, just asking, because you’ve been kinda quiet since Buck mentioned his kid. Wanted to check if you’re good.”
“I’m good,” Bobby says curtly, hoping to shut down the conversation. He knows he was quiet, it’s just a lot.
He needs to give this a pl ace and he isn’t sure where that should be. He has barely thought about how he relates to his coworkers as tentative friends, he doesn’t know how to feel about Buck’s child and now he suddenly has to. He tries to ignore the fact that it wasn’t this hard for Denny and what that means.
“… Okay,” Chimney says, surprising Bobby with how he takes his shut down, though Bobby is also slightly annoyed by Chimney’s tone. Obviously, he doesn’t believe Bobby’s answer.
Bobby sends him a glare, his tone sharper than it had been as he says: “Buck recently nearly died to get my ass out of that plane, sorry that I need a moment to process I nearly orphaned a kid.”
Chimney’s eyes widen in surprise at Bobby’s outbur st , before his face does that sympathetic softening thing that Bobby has been getting too much recently. “Cap- Bobby, that’s not your fault, you-”
“Stop,” Bobby cuts him off, he knows what Chimney is going to say, what he wants to convince Bobby off and he’s not in the mood. He doesn’t want to be coddled, he doesn’t want to be told it wasn’t his fault. Bobby knows better, he just has to figure out how to carry this guilt too.
Thankfully Chimney does stop, he closes his mouth with an audible click, nodding to himself twice, before saying: “Alright, I’ll stop. Just know it’s okay to feel what you feel. I’m sure Buck will understand it if a kid’s birthday party is a bit much, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Bobby responds, not wanting to go into all of it. They complete the rest of the dishes and other clean up in silence.
Next shift, Bobby doesn’t know if Chimney said anything to Buck or if Buck just isn’t the kind of person that never shuts up about his kid, but either way, Buck continues on as normal, not really bringing up Chris until Bobby asks, smiling as Buck says: “Drop off went well. I usually don’t do as much of that with the shift schedule, you know, but the late start allowed it. I like it.”
“You like drop off?” Hen joins their conversation. “All those cars and the busy rush about it.” she shudders, “Ugh.”
“I don’t know, it’s nice,” Buck shrugs. “We do car karaoke and loudly scream jam songs. It’s fun to scream along to kid’s bops.”
“Of course you do,” Hen laughs and that is kind of the end of that conversation.
Bobby is a somewhat glad about it. He wants to support Buck and show him he’s there for him. However, the thought of being bombarded with stories of a kid 24/7, isn’t his preferred way to spend his time. It always makes him miss his kids. His kids, who didn’t get to grow up.
Still, despite his relief, he is a little surprised by how much of a close d a book Buck is. In a way, he did think that it was more likely Chimney said something, but when it lasts, he starts to think it’s just Buck’s personality.
It’s a little weird to realize Buck selectively shares and there is something that keeps him from talking about his son. At some point, he mentio ns it to Hen, who speculate s it might because he was a teen parent. W ith the judgment that brings, he probably trained himself out of speaking too much about Chris. He decide s not to go prodding further after that.
Still, the Wilsons take Chris with them to the zoo and the two kind of get along. Probably can become friends if they hang out more often, but still a little awkward around each other. Buck had been really grateful to Hen about it, since Eddie – his best friend as Buck calls him – had to go to a bunch of check ups for his shoulder that day and Buck was going with him to be his second pair of ears.
He also mentions Chris a little when he and Hen are planning Chimney’s welcome back party. As it turns out, this is the first time he’s thrown a kid’s birthday party and he asks her pointers. Bobby walks away from that conversation as fast as he can.
Overall though, life continues as normal. Chimney gets better, Bobby goes back to his own apartment, work talk kind of stays the same, the welcome back party is a success as well as the kid’s party that Buck threw, and they all survive the full moon.
They’ve all gotten a text, however, their own attendance to Chris’s party isn’t really discussed until they’re done with their shift on the Friday before it all goes down.
If Bobby is honest, he is considering skipping out on it. It’s not that he has anything against Buck or Chris for that matter, but… Chimney was right, a kid’s birthday party is a lot. So, he’s watching Buck fuss with his hair and a nice outfit on, trying to convince himself Buck will be fine if he canceled. T hat he’d get it.
However, he is not the only one watching Buck fuss. He always dresses nice enough after shift, but it’s usually a little less formal and his hair styling routine is a way shorter. Which means everyone is watching with differing levels of amusement and interest.
It’s Hen who says something first, saying: “You look fine, Buck. You don’t have to keep fussing, honestly.”
“Yeah, are you scared to not be the most handsome at the airport? It’s the airport,” Chimney adds. “I am sure you’ll be fine.”
Buck gives him a side-eye and tells him: “You try being the blight on Helena’s world and we’ll talk again.” He checks his watch, “But I do have to go now. Don’t want to be late!” As he hurries out of the room, he throws over his shoulder: “Wish me luck! See you guys tomorrow.”
And then he’s gone, leaving them all blinking at where he’d just been. After a beat, Chimney breaks the silence: “Did he just call himself a blight on Helena’s world?”
“Yeah,” Hen says empathetically. “What the hell.”
“Jikes,” Chimney agrees. “Isn’t that his mom? And I thought I had a bad relationship with my dad, but that is worse, I think.”
“I think tomorrow is going to be interesting,” Hen grimaces in sympathy to the empty spot.
Internally Bobby agrees. He had already guessed that Buck’s relationship with his parents was strained, due to him calling them by their first names and the way he described how their visit would be to Hen. However, that is indeed a step further than expected .
For Pete’s sake , now Bobby has to go. Buck is clearly not super keen on sharing his life with them, but he invited them to that birthday party anyway. Buck wants back up. He reached out and asked for them to support him . He asked Bobby to support him . He can’t leave him hanging.
So, Bobby also says his goodbye and spends the night mentally preparing himself.
He’d gotten a small gift for Chris, half planning to give it to Buck on Monday, so he could give it to Chris for him, while he stayed away from the actual party by citing food poison or something. That plan is now gone and he spends the night carefully wrapping the firetruck with skills he hadn’t dusted off in years, trying not to cry.
When he arrives the next day, he arrives to find Hen’s car already parked in the street. However, when he passes it, he finds Hen and Chimney still in said car.
Surprised he pauses, knocking on the window and scaring the shit out of Chimney, before he rolls it down and sheepishly goes: “Uh, hey, Cap, what are you doing here?”
“You know what I’m doing here, Chim,” Bobby deadpans. “Why are you two sitting in a parked car instead of being inside?”
“Well…” Chimney starts, before trailing off. Going of the helpless look he sends Hen. It’s obvious he hadn’t really come up with an excuse before he started talking.
Hen rolls her eyes, then says: “Chimney got nervous and didn’t want to go and I didn’t want to be the first one there alone.”
“Hey!”
“Chim, why are you nervous?” Bobby asks, raising a pointed brow at Chim, which is honestly highly hypocritical of him, since he’s also nervous.
“I’m not nervous,” Chimney sulks, crossing his arms. Both Bobby and Hen just stare at him for a moment, after which he throws up his hands and says: “Fine! I’m a little nervous. Like these people manage to dislike Buck. How do you dislike Buck? And I am far less likable then him and I make jokes when I feel uncomfortable. This can only end terribly!”
Bobby can understand that, but he also isn’t going in there alone, so he puts on his best Captain face and says: “Chim, Buck needs us as back up. He asked. We’re not leaving him behind.”
“Ugh, I hate it when you’re reasonable,” Chimney groans as he throws open the car door, Hen following suit.
The three of them knock on the door of a modest, but nice bungalow house. They check about ten times if it’s the right place, but finally decide it must be. Despite already being aware that Buck is not the frat boy they thought him to be, the house is not what they expected of him .
It’s Buck that opens the door, giving them all a big grin, though they can see the exhaustion pulling at his eyes and the slightly forced natured of the smile. “Hey, so glad you could make it! We’re about to open gifts, so you’re right on time. Any longer and it would have become an explosion.”
That last part is clearly meant to be a joke, but the delivery is a bit too truthful, so it doesn’t really land. Chimney with his badly timed comments goes: “Well, that would suck. Can’t have a party without us. Or an explosion. ”
However, Buck just takes it gratefully: “Exactly. Now come in, come in.” He ushers them into a neatly decorated and cleaned up house.
In the living room are six other people. Naturally, there is Chris, sitting excitedly next to the gifts that are on the coffee table. Next to him there are three women and two men. Since one of the women is older, they assume her to be Abuela, while the one sitting next to the older man is probably Helena, making the man Ramon and the other woman Pepa. That leaves Eddie as being the younger man.
All of them stand there in the front hall a little awkwardly, however, Eddie comes forward, confirming that he is Eddie as he holds out his hand as he goes: “Hello, it’s good to meet you all. I’m Eddie, you must be Buck’s coworkers. He speaks highly of you, it’s nice to meet you guys.”
As they shake his hand, they see Helena scoff in the background, but can’t hear what she muttered in the clammer of voices greeting each other. However, the introduction also snaps Buck into action, saying: “You guys take a seat and I’ll grab everyone something to drink, just coffee for now?”
They nod and take their places also shaking the hands of everyone there and confirming that their guesses had been correct. The gifts go on the coffee table and they sit together, looking around slightly.
There are pictures on the mantle, but Bobby doesn’t want to stare, so he mostly just looks over the book cases and homely, lived in feeling. It’s so unlike his own apartment. It is so obvious that a family lives here, that a kid lives here. It aches.
Chris excitedly asks: “Are we opening presents now, daddy?”
Bobby waits for Buck to call out an answer from the kitchen where he is pouring the coffee. Instead they are all taken by surprise as Helena starts to answer an affirmative, before Eddie loudly speaks over her, saying: “Not yet, mijo, we’re waiting for papi. Just a few more seconds, yeah?”
What the Hell .
Multiple pieces of information start to click together in Bobby’s brain in that split second after Eddie talks, making him want to kick himself for never realizing before.
The way Buck was nervous to fess up, the way he never talked more about his family despite usually being a sharer, the way he talked about Helena and Ramon, the way he isn’t Hispanic but his family apparently was, the way Eddie helped with childcare. Him and Eddie are married. Or at the very least together.
Now that he knows, he instantly spots a picture of the two of them on the mantle with suits on, Chris in the middle, the background the inside of an official looking building. Definitely married. God , he can’t believe he missed- that they all missed it, he amends, seeing Chimney and Hen share a look, before neutralizing their faces.
Did Buck forget that Bobby nearly fired him for sleeping with women on the job? Or does he not care that they all know that? Does Eddie know about it? Should they say something now? Or is this a talk about it with him at work sort of deal , before throwing it out there now during their son’s birthday party?
Buck is oblivious to their revelations, coming back with the tea and coffee. After handing it to them, he fall s onto the couch next to Pepa as he says: “You can start opening your gifts now, Superman. Remember to say thanks.”
Chris lights up in a way that would have Bobby claim Buck’s parentage, if the whole thing hadn’t just been called into question, as Chris tears into a first gift. He thanks Buck and Eddie so they assume it’s from them.
It’s open before Helena can reach him, which clearly surprises her. Bobby watches her whip her eyes over to Buck, who gives her an unpleasantly pleasant smile that Bobby has never seen on his face, nor ever would expected to see there.
Buck is suddenly like a stranger to him and he regrets ever showing up to begin with.
However, Chris is smiling, looking ecstatic at the gift and telling both Buck and Eddie this is the best thing ever. He looks so happy and Bobby can’t bear to be the one to bring it up. To ruin this day for him. To potentially break up a family. He doesn’t want to ruin a family. He’ll bring it up at work come Monday, hoping Chimney and Hen decide to do the same.
Almost as if God is messing with him, another curve ball gets thrown their way. While most people also smile at Chris, glad the boy is happy, Helena frowns: “That’s not right for him. Why would you give him something he can’t play with?”
Buck takes a deep breath, but doesn’t say anything. Eddie, however, sighs: “Mom, Chris can play with this. He has more Lego.”
“The pieces are so small,” Helena protests.
“It’s Lego,” Eddie says, annoyance in his voice.
Chris’s little brow starts to furrow too, looking between the two, clearly getting upset. “I showed you my tower, grandma. I built that all myself, I told you that.”
“I know, sweetheart, it was a great tower,” Helena tells him, almost condescending with the way she cards a hand through his hair. It’s enough for her to let that part go, however, it’s not enough for her to stop herself from pointedly saying: “Here, this one is from me and abuelo. It’s a better suited gift for you, I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Bobby can see Buck roll his eyes and share a look with Eddie at that, but neither says anything, so none of the 118 does either. It seems like Buck at least wasn’t lying about how they all just kind of deal with what he has now gathered to be Eddie’s parents. A part of him wonders why there is no one from Buck’s side there, another part of him doesn’t want to think about it.
She helps Chris open the gift, doing most of the unwrapping for him, even when he frowns. And the gift is something that Chris seems to be a bit too old for, though he thanks her politely.
It’s a song and dance she seems keen to repeat with every present, even if Chris grows more annoyed with her. Buck gives Eddie a look, who gives a look back, before Buck rolls his eyes, while the rest of the guests just sit there awkwardly.
At some point, Buck starts telling her not to do that, but she doesn’t listen to him, huffing: “I am just helping, Evan. He can’t do it alone.”
“Then just unwrap a little, let him do the rest,” Buck sighs.
“I am,” Helena protests.
“Mom,” Eddie says, nothing else, just that.
“Fine,” Helena replies a little too sharp to mean it as she puts her hands up in the air as if she is surrendering. Bobby isn’t sure he believes her and going of the looks he gets from Hen and Chimney, they don’t either.
They are proven right when she listens for one present only to start up again, tsking that the contents are too mature. It’s the firetruck Bobby got him, he pretends it doesn’t hurt.
When Chris starts leaning away from her, trying to do it himself and getting more frustrated, Eddie goes and sits behind her, grabbing her hands, so she can’t intervene again. Buck gets up with him, seamlessly sweeping Chris onto his lap on the other side to distract it from it all and putting him on his lap, only undoing a few tapes, while letting Chris rip the rest of the wrapping paper, much to his delight.
Helena is clearly displeased with it all, but Eddie keeps firm. Again, the 118 has to share a look with each other at the scene. No one else is commenting on it. This appears to be the normal.
Bobby still isn’t sure about what Buck has been doing and how he feels about it all, but a part of him feels pity. If this is Buck’s normal in his domestic life, he can get wanting to escape. Hell, Bobby’s domestic life had been great and he still craved an escape. Buck had called sex an addiction on that rooftop when Bobby caught him, he hadn’t taken it seriously then, too pissed off at everything, but now he wonders if he should have.
The rest of the gifts go relatively peaceful all things considered until the final one, which is also from Buck and Eddie. It’s some sort of adventure game for the gaming console they have. From what Bobby can see, it’s appropriate for Chris’s age and something he was clearly thrilled to get. Helena is not as impressed.
“Really, Edmundo?” she tuts. “This is far too aggressive for someone like Chris and kids his age shouldn’t play video games. What were you thinking getting him this?”
“Mom, he played it at his friends’ houses, he knows he likes it,” Eddie replies, his voice sounding as if he’s repeating a well worn argument. “We’re letting him have a bit more screen time, responsibly. We did think about it.”
“You let him have friends that play this stuff?” Helena shoots back, offended.
“Yes,” Eddie says, clearly getting frustrated. “We let Chris have friends, who do age appropriate stuff with him. It’s a game, not the end of the world. And it’s better than the play-set you got him. He’s too old for that sort of stuff now, he’s seven not three.”
“Do not take that tone with me. You’ve always been irresponsible with Chris’s limitations, especially since you brought him into your life,” Helena practically spits at him, glaring at Buck too.
Chris is starting to get upset at them arguing about it, but before Buck can step in – as seems to be his role most of the time – Pepa does it instead, sighing: “ Really, Helena, are you going to fight over the boy’s presents? It’s his birthday.”
That thankfully shuts both of them up. Bobby doesn’t know how much more of that he could have taken. He is already planning on making a strategic exit after cake, because this is getting uncomfortable… well, it never was comfortable, but you get the point.
However, plans have to wait, since they all have to suffer through the cake first. It’s a homemade cake and Hen comments: “This is nice. Did you make it?”
“I did,” Buck smiles. “Thank you.”
The small moment of okay-ness is ruined by Ramon, who comments under his breath: “Of course he made it,” in a tone that clearly states how he feels about that, which is negatively.
It’s not the first of the homophobic comments that have come from them and it’s not the first time Bobby made the connection. However, he still can’t imagine how Buck puts up to it. Can see how he tries not to let it bother him, even though it does. Wonders why Eddie stays quiet. Why none of them say anything.
He looks over to Hen, trying to see if she will say something or let it pass, pretend not to hear it as they all seem to plan on doing. Because he does, he sees her send Buck a look, who bites his lip, before sending her a pleading look and shaking his head no. Hen looks displeased by it, but says nothing about it. Bobby follows her lead.
With cake, it all becomes a little more casual. Abuela goes to talk with Ramon about how he is been, showing all of the other guests she is his mother, since she tells him he doesn’t call enough.
It allows the 118 to move a little and they all make a retreat to the table to eat their cake there. They can’t really talk about everyone with them right there, but the distance – however small it might be – helps a little. Even if they’re stuck making awkward small talk, since none of them seem to know what else to do.
Chimney was right about being apprehensive to be here. Bobby is counting down the seconds until it’s no longer impolite to go .
After talking with Pepa for a while, Eddie joins them at the table, stilling the conversation even though it wasn’t about him. Eddie must notice it, but pretends not to, smiling at them as he says: “Thank you all for coming. Buck tells me great things, so it’s nice to meet you all.”
If he meant to break the tension, he is failing. But he can’t help it, since he doesn’t know they’ve all watched his husband flirt and fuck through a whole slew of women. That tends to make one awkward around a person.
“It’s nice to meet you too,” Hen says, deciding to be their spokesperson, which Bobby is grateful for in these circumstances. “I would say the same, but Buck hasn’t really mentioned you before all this,” she half gestures at the home they’re in.
“Oh,” Eddie looks surprised and a little hurt for a moment, but he swallows it down. “I mean, I get that, it’s a bit of an odd situation,” he forces out lightly.
An odd situation, Bobby thinks to himself, what’s so odd about this? Sure, it’s a little weird that Eddie’s parents seem to actively dislike both Buck and Eddie, but there is clearly a lot of homophobia there, which sadly isn’t too odd. The only weird thing is Buck’s apparent double life that he has made all of them complicit in, but Eddie doesn’t know that. Does he?
Hen seems to think the same thing, frowning: “Well, it’s not the most odd thing ever. Why’d you think that?”
Again, Eddie seems surprised, but now his smile is more genuine. “I guess most people tend to say that. I mean, not everyone would raise a child they had with their ex with the ex of said ex.”
Huh, another thing Buck hadn’t told them. But Chris was Eddie’s then, but the person he’d had Chris with was not in the picture and instead Buck had switched from dating them to marrying Eddie. Bobby isn’t sure if he should seek a cheating pattern there too or if he’s reading too much into it because of everything that has happened to get them there.
He also doesn’t really know how to respond to that, but fortunately they have Hen, who says: “I mean, I’m raising my ex’s kid with my wife, so maybe my perception is just warped.”
“Fair enough,” Eddie huffs out a laugh, breaking the tension on the table at least.
“So, what do you do?” Chimney asks.
“Currently nothing, but I’m looking to join the fire academy next rounds, doctors finally cleared me. I actually wanted to ask you guys a bit about the paramedic work if that’s okay? I was an army medic before this,” Eddie replies.
Work is a safe topic and good enough to get through cake with, so Hen and Chimney take it gratefully and tell Eddie all he wants to know.
Bobby is content to sit their quietly and just observe. Buck is still sitting on the couch, closely watching Helena, he is mostly silent, just watching. Pepa, Ramon and Abuela are on the other couch chatting.
He feels a little like Buck is on the outside, looking in. Like he wants to pull Helena away from Chris, but can’t. The observation tightens something in Bobby’s chest, but he’s not sure what.
It- It’s not comfortable. He still doesn’t think that what Buck is doing here is great, sleeping around while playing house here, throwing cold comments at Helena and fueling the dislike there appears to be between her and Buck as well Eddie. Doesn’t like that he has made all of them complicit in that as if he had known they wouldn’t ruin Chris’s party by bringing it up.
But then there is this… This barrier that is there. Bobby can’t deny that Helena started the hostilities and that Buck gets the brunt of it, seemingly always having to pull on Eddie to step up, which he only does when it’s about Chris. How relieved he was that they all came, how he asked them all, asked for that back up, despite knowing what he’d pull them into, because he was so desperate for someone to be there. Almost as if he needed someone on his side, someone to take away that barrier.
Without really thinking about it, he finds himself suddenly interrupting the conversation that’s happening at the table, as he asks: “Where is Buck’s side of the family?”
Eddie pauses his sentence halfway through, just staring at Bobby for a few beats, before he looks away. Then he looks back, eyes sad but protective as he answers: “Not here. Pennsylvania.”
“Why?”
At Bobby’s question, Eddie’s jaw twitches and he frowns at him, almost assessing, like he is trying to find what Bobby’s intentions are, before he’ll answer. Bobby doesn’t know what he finds when Eddie glances at Buck, then back at Bobby.
However, he answers curtly: “He sends letters to his sister, but she stopped responding. She loves him though, just can’t right now. But he hasn’t spoken to his parents since he was eighteen or nineteen . It wasn’t a good relationship and they didn’t deserve him.”
There is a clear warning in his voice and Bobby can see the hardness the army must have given Eddie in his eyes when he looks at Bobby, practically staring him down.
Hen and Chimney look between the two like it’s a tennis match, not burning their hands on it as they let it all play out.
Bobby knows something about shitty parents, mostly his dad, even though he didn’t realize it when he was a kid. His heart constricts for Buck as he glances over to him again, sitting on that couch, that barrier surrounding him. He wonders how he came to be so lonely, even in this house filled with people.
He looks back at Eddie and says: “That’s terrible. At least he has people here now,” he adds, unsure if it is true, but needing a test of his own when Eddie threw his at Bobby’s.
Eddie blinks, before he smiles. Bobby passed his test, just like Eddie passed his. That is a smile of someone, who is relieved for someone he loves to not be alone. That someone else sees how great his loved one is. Bobby suspects that the barrier around Buck is primarily because of Helena and Ramon, who have created this tension in this house that otherwise would have look ed like a comforting home were it not for the atmosphere.
“Yeah, thank you for that,” Eddie says after a moment. “He’s been better since he started working with you all. Better since he started working as a firefighter in general, he really loves that job. I mean, I’m sure he would have continued to work construction for Chris if he had to, the man would lay his life down for him. But I’m glad he found something he loves.”
The way Eddie says it sounds melancholic, as if he feels a guilt for the possibility of Buck having continued to work a job he likes less for the sake of their family, as well as a sadness, as if he is letting Buck go.
Bobby looks between Buck and Eddie again, this time with a different lens. The same barrier he had seen with Buck is also hanging around Eddie, that same distance. He almost feels like he isn’t at a party, but a funeral, like they are all here mourning a family that still exists.
However, he seems to be the only person that notices that. Chimney takes the opportunity to steer the conversation with Eddie back to work and he watches as Abuela makes a come here motion to Buck, snapping him out his staring match with the back of Helena’s head and pulling him into the conversation happening on the couch. Ramon only looks a little displeased.
Just when there is a lull and the cake is gone – the perfect opportunity to make their excuses and leave – the birthday boy abandons his grandma and gifts to come over to the table where the 118 is sitting, ruining that chance.
In his hand, there is the firetruck that Bobby got for him. When he unwrapped the gift, he’d thanked Bobby, but the moment was mostly overshadowed by the argument about helping with unwrapping the gifts, something Bobby had secretly been a little glad about.
However, now here he is, looking up at Bobby and holding the firetruck. Curiously he asks: “You are papi’s Captain, right? The one with nice food?”
As Chris looks at him, Bobby remembers the leftovers he’d seen Buck take, how he assumed they were because he didn’t want to cook in a frat house, but here, sitting at a nice kitchen table in a nice house with a perfectly nice kitchen right there, Bobby is confronted with the fact that Buck took his food to share with Chris.
The thought shouldn’t make him want to cry, so he swallows it all down and prays to God for strength as he manages a smile. “Yeah, that’s me. You can call me Bobby.”
“Hi, Bobby, thank you for the food,” Chris smiles, the he trusts out the firetruck to him. “Papi says you put the hoses away with loops on them, but this one doesn’t have them.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Bobby agrees, trying to blink away the image of Junior when he’d been Chris’s age, or Brooke’s when she had died, only two years older than Chris is now. Kids have been difficult for him since the fire, but here, he wants to try. It’s easier with Chris than with other kids somehow. So, he says: “It’s something we do at my firehouse, because I think it’s best, but it’s not standard. You know why I think that, kiddo?”
He holds his breath, hoping Chris didn’t notice the brief second he needed to get himself together and is relieved when Chris just gets an excited look on his face as he says: “Papi says it’s because it makes you faster and the faster you are the more people you can save.”
“Yeah, that’s right. Good job,” Bobby says, ignoring the shake-y tone in his voice. He will never stop wondering if a little more speed could have saved his own family, if he would have his kids here with him now instead, asking questions about his work.
“Thank you,” Chris says again, this time referring in to the compliment he got. Then he launches into more questions about the firetruck as well as being a firefighter in general, throwing in fun facts that Buck had told him.
The more Chris talks, the easier it gets somehow.
Usually, Bobby avoids kids for too long, hurrying them along as fast as he can. It hurts too much, they all turn into Brooke or Junior and he can never shake it. It’s different with Chris. Probably because he is a lot like his father, like Buck. Bobby sees Buck in Chris when he shares what he knows and asks questions, in his excitement and in his smile. It helps.
Chris to Bobby becomes Buck’s son, not his own. It creates a distance between him and the ghosts of his own kids that haunts him. It’s new, but something Bobby likes.
Helena and Ramon don’t seem to like it much, but they don’t seem to like any of the guests Buck invited much, preferring not to interact with them while Pepa and Abuela mingle more and make small talk with the 118.
Bobby still isn’t sure about everything that is going on in the Buckley-Diaz family, but Chris isn’t involved in that. Bobby likes Chris. He hopes that even if things go down with this weird tension and the revelations of Buck’s cheating that they’ll confront him with come Monday, Buck will bring Chris by the firehouse sometime; Bobby gives great tours.
Talking with Chris is the reason he stays later, pulling in Hen and Chimney as well, since Chris is thrilled they know all the things about the ambulances that Buck doesn’t. It’s a little funny and endearing to hear Chris spout facts that they can remember Buck coming up to ask them about, in hindsight clearly on a mission to get his kid the answers he wanted.
It’s a little confusing too. This whole thing has been. Buck clearly adores Chris and they can see him bump into Eddie comfortingly whenever Ramon makes a comment or they hear Helena say something to Chris that both decide to let slide. He laughs when talking to Pepa and Abuela. He is comfortable in this home.
He has all these quirks that make him look like he loves this family, this sadness in him when there is a distance. Yet he is also the one cheating. The one who is breaking it all apart should it come out and to a head.
Bobby doesn’t understand it and he both can’t wait and dreads Monday when they can confront Buck about it all.
In the end, they do make their excuses before dinner, having seen enough of it all to not want to sit through a dinner with everyone there. Either Buck made it and he’ll get comments about it not being manly, or someone else does and both Buck and Eddie will get comments for not being able to provide it. They’ve bitten their tongues enough for Buck’s and Chris’s sake.
So, they say their goodbyes, leave the house, walk down to where Hen’s car is and then just stand there for a moment.
After a beat, Chimney says: “So… that sure was a party.”
“I know right, like, oh my god, what was that?” Hen exclaims, grateful that someone else gave the all clear to gossip about what they just went through.
“I don’t know!” Chimney half yells, throwing his hand up in disbelief. “Like did I hallucinate Buck sleeping around? Where did he pull a husband from?”
Hen pulls a face and says: “I have no clue.”
“Well, I’m sure Buck can give us answers on Monday,” Bobby says. It’s not like he disagrees with either of them, but that edge of sadness he witnessed, prevents him from joining in on the speculation or encouraging it.
“Come on, Cap, you can’t be this cool under all that,” Chimney whines. “I saw your face, you were judgy too.”
Bobby can’t really deny that, but as neutral as he can, he says: “I was a bit taken aback, sure, and not too pleased with getting caught off guard with it. But I’m going to wait until we know more before confronting Buck about it. It’s not as if it looked very friendly in there. We came as back up and we were there as back up, that’s what matters now.”
That quietens them both for a moment.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Hen says, swallowing with an expression on her face Bobby can’t place properly. “Buck might have had his reasons. I can’t imagine what an average day with all those people is like for him.”
Chimney glances at her, then drops the topic too. “I know right, what was up with that. I mean, I know Buck kind of let us know they didn’t like him, but that is rough . When he said they just kind of put up with the homophobia, I thought he meant in general, not very pointedly directed at them.”
With everything else that was going on, they’ve barely had time to process that Buck is also married to a man, thus some flavor of queer. That is at least something Bobby has practice with even if it’s sometimes a little stilted , it’s the whole rest of this situation that is going to be more of a minefield when Monday comes .
Hen nods her agreement. “It sucked ass. If Buck hadn’t asked us not to, I would have ended up swinging at either Helena or Ramon at some point. I’m glad Buck warned me and I didn’t have to expose Denny to that sort of stuff. I just hope Chris doesn’t pick that shit up.”
Bobby hadn’t even thought of that. It seems like Buck and Eddie are good fathers, who try to shut it down when it’s about Chris, but a lot of shit doesn’t get argued against. He doesn’t know if either realize what message it sends when they let it slide.
“Uh-huh,” Chimney nods. Then sighs and rubs his face, before he groans: “Not sure if I dread Monday or want it to be Monday.”
“You can say that again,” Hen says, unlocking her car.
“Maybe it won’t be that bad,” Bobby says, not believing it, but feeling the need to say it. There was something driving Buck’s behavior, but that didn’t make it any better and all of them know it. Hen and Chimney certainly know it too, which they let him know with two matching looks. He amends: “Or I am wrong and it’s going to suck. Either way, we won’t know until Monday and we’ll let Buck explain first.”
“Okay, but I will still give him a side eye when he does,” Chimney informs him, then opens the car door. “See you tomorrow, Cap.”
“Alright,” Bobby smiles, unable to help it. “See you then.”
“Bye, Cap.” Hen also gets in the car.
“Goodbye,” Bobby tells her, giving the two of them a wave through the window, before making his way to his own car and driving off.
The next day, all of them are quiet about it for the first half of the shift. Then, during a lull around lunch, Chimney, who is lying upside down on the couch, suddenly says: “So how do we think that whole situation happened. I mean, the whole raising the kid with your ex with the ex of your ex thing, you know. That was also new.”
Hen, who is lounging on the other couch, stops reading her book, looking over to Chimney, before she says: “I don’t know. Maybe they met through the ex? Buck mentioned the mom walking out on Chris, so maybe she’s just not in the picture anymore. I mean, she wasn’t at the party. The two of them could have know each other through her , then stayed in contact after because of Chris and one thing let to another?”
“Do you think it was an affair?” Chimney asks. “Like we know Buck is capable of it.”
“Hm,” Hen pauses for a moment, thinking about, then shakes her head: “Nah, I don’t think so. They probably wouldn’t have Chris if it was.”
Sitting up, Chimney gasps: “Do you think the ex is dead?”
“Chim!” Hen scolds for suggesting, before considering it. “I don’t think he would have been so blasé over it if the ex is dead. He said walked out, not died.”
“Okay, that is enough of that,” Bobby interrupts the two. “No speculating on coworkers.”
“But Bobby, speculating is half the fun,” Chimney whines. “Don’t you wanna make a wager about what is going on? I mean, there are so many possibilities. What would you put you money on?”
“I’m not falling for that one,” Bobby tells him with a look.
“Killjoy,” Chimney pouts, before completely disregarding what Bobby just said. “I think it was a one night stand kind of deal that resulted in Chris and Buck and whoever Eddie conceived Chris with broke up right around when Chris was born and started dating Eddie, who’d been in picture because of the pregnancy. They gave up parental rights and Buck stepped up.”
“Could be, but I think it was like those weirdly close high school clicks and this broke them up in camps until it ended up with Buck and Eddie taking Chris,” Hen speculates.
Bobby shakes his head and turns on his heel, saying: “I am not participating in this.”
“Boo,” they call at his head playfully as he retreats and he leaves them to their fun. It’s been a rough time for everyone, if this gets them through this shift, then he’ll just keep his distance about it. He truly doesn’t want to be a part of it.
It’s not that Bobby isn’t curious, he really really is. However, he doesn’t like thinking about it. He can’t shake that uncomfortable feeling in his stomach whenever he thinks of Buck on that couch, sending Helena that plastic smile. The way Bobby couldn’t recognize this kid he’d thought he knew so well.
The whole thing is disconcerting and he doesn’t like it. So he tries not to think about it and prays that Monday will come with a better explanation, one that will give him back this kid with his heart in the right place he has become too attached to, instead of leaving him with that stranger.
Therefore, instead of participating in speculation, he makes sure they have a nice dinner and checks the inventory unnecessarily.
It’s a good enough strategy that carries him through this shift with only catching minimal whiffs of what Hen and Chimney are saying. Still, he is grateful that the shift is behind him, since now he only has to lay awake for one more night before he’ll get answers.
Chimney offers him his couch for the night again, something he still does with regularity even though Bobby has been home for a while already. Bobby declines. He appreciates it, but he doesn’t think being stuck with a curious Chimney will help. What happened isn’t enough to drive him to drink again, maybe after tomorrow.
Monday arrives and by unspoken agreement, all of them are early and loitering around the locker room waiting for Buck to arrive.
Buck does arrive on time, looking a little more run down than he’d been when they last saw him, but he lights up when he sees them all. “Hey, you guys,” he greets them, throwing his bag down and getting changed as he talks. “Thanks for coming Saturday. Chris really enjoyed the company, so I appreciate you for sticking it out.”
When no one says anything, he pops his head out of the top of his shirt with a confused expression. “What?” he asks. “Is everything okay?”
The three of them exchange glances, none of them sure how to broach the topic now that the moment to do so is here.
Apprehension fills Buck’s expression when he sees that and he starts rambling: “Did they say something shitty to you? Fuck, they totally did, didn’t they? I promise I would have said something if I had heard, I truly thought I’d kept them in my periphery enough throughout the whole thing, but some things must have slipped by me, I’m so sorry. I-”
“Buck,” Hen cuts him off when it is clear that Buck can not come up with what the looks are about on his own and doesn’t appear to be able to stop himself from talking. “They didn’t say anything.”
“Oh,” Buck falters, then frowns. “What were those glances about then? Because if it’s about the general vibe, I’m sorry, but-”
“Of course it’s not about the vibe, Buckley,” Chimney exclaims. “Well, it is kind of, I guess, but it’s about Eddie.”
“Eddie?” Buck’s frown deepens. “What did Eddie do?”
Both Hen and Chimney give him a look that says ‘are you stupid’ and Bobby decides it would be best to interfere, before either of them blurted out that question. “Eddie didn’t do anything,” he assures him. “We were more surprised by his existence.”
“I’ve mentioned Eddie before, haven’t I?” Buck wonders. “I would have sworn I had. He’s my best friend, I think I’m incapable of not mentioning him. Are you sure?”
“No, you mentioned him,” Bobby says, tone cautious. He also doesn’t understand how Buck can be this oblivious. “You just never expanded that your relationship was more than best friends and given your history on the job, that was a bit uncomfortable.”
“Huh?” Buck squints, then the realization hits him and he gapes: “Oh… Oh.” Frantically, he says: “Oh no! No, no, that’s- that is not what that looked like.”
“How is that not what it looked like?” Chimney exclaims.
“Me and Eddie are platonically married. Convenience. An open marriage type deal, so no cheating here, I swear. Eddie’s straight,” Buck practically yells, half tripping over his words as he quickly tries to convey the situation to explain himself.
It’s quiet for a beat as they process. Bobby finds some relief, even if he doesn’t understand all of what Buck has just said, he does get the general gist of it. And the general gist is that it was a misunderstanding and Buck is still their Buck.
“Do- Do Eddie’s parents know that?” Hen asks hesitantly after a moment, which is a fair question after all they’ve seen.
“Uh, yeah, they do,” Buck says embarrassed as he rubs the back of his head. “They’re just really against it all in general. I know they’re shitty about it, but I’ve kind of given up on picking fights with them about it.”
“And what about Chris hearing all that go un-protested?” Hen points out, her look at Buck a little more harsh than it would otherwise be.
Guilt flashes over Buck’s features, but he doesn’t just roll over, instead saying: “We’re not raising Chris to be a homophobe, Hen. I promise. I was the town queer that corrupted an innocent family when I first married Eddie and he went off to war, after the third time getting something spat at you in a grocery store, you have a conversation with the kid.”
“Oh,” Hen blinks, slightly taken aback by the frank answer. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Buck. That’s not okay.”
“I know,” Buck gives her a kind smile. “But it’s in the past now anyway. We try to teach Chris to know better, but when Ramon and Helena are around, we have to put our focus somewhere and then Chris will automatically be the priority.”
The more Buck talks, the more Bobby knows him again and it’s a comforting thought. That is still the same kid he knows. The kid that always makes sure the children on calls they take are okay, who has a big heart and empathy.
… The kid, who has no one from his side of the family that’s in his life. The kid, who seemed so lonely even in the midst of what should be a happy occasion.
He gets snapped out of his thoughts by Chimney, who decisively and loudly goes: “Well, they’re fucking shitty. No offense.”
Buck barks out a laugh at that, going to wiggle into his pants as he says: “None taken. It’s not like you’re wrong. Honestly, if it were up to me, we wouldn’t have invited them at all and kicked them out yesterday, but you know, Eddie’s family, so Eddie’s decision.”
“Wait, I thought they were going home on Sunday?” Hen frowns.
“So did we, but no, they’ve invited themselves for the entire week,” Buck answers, doing a little hop, before doing up his zipper and button. “Eddie’s taking them out for lunch today. I half don’t even want to know what kind of conversation they’ll have, there is too much they’re against at this point.”
“That sounds encouraging,” Chimney says sarcastically as they watch Buck put on his shoes.
Buck makes a vague gesture with his hand that Bobby interprets as waving the comment off. “It’s honestly not so bad right now.”
“How is it not so bad right now?” Hen asks concerned.
Surprised at the tone, Buck looks up from his laces, then blinks a few times. He blushes a little and looks away, hunching in on himself.
They all watch as he becomes smaller and Hen sends a look to Bobby, who gesture at her to continue on. With this topic, she’s better suited to have this conversation with Buck. Gently, Hen says: “Hey, you don’t have to tell us. I’m sorry. For prodding. But we’re here if you want to share.”
At that Buck looks up again, giving her a small smile. “Thank you. I’m sorry too. I don’t mean to be all weird about it. It’s stupid anyway.”
“It’s not stupid.” Bobby is pretty sure he surprises everyone, including himself, when he says that, since they all turn to look at him. He feels a little embarrassed by his sudden insertion into the conversation, but that has never stopped him before, so he crosses his arms and puts on his authoritative voice as he says: “I might not be an expert on the topic, but I can tell they were out of line Saturday. You have a right to feel however you want about that.”
“Thank you, Cap,” Buck says sincerely and Bobby feels something he doesn’t want to identify when Buck smiles at him, so he just gives a nod back.
For a moment it seems like that will be the end of it, then Buck says: “It’s just-” he makes a frustrated noise “-ugh, I don’t know. It’s better, I guess because we don’t live there anymore and Eddie is here instead of in fucking Afghanistan getting shot at and usually Helena and Ramon are a few states away and no longer spreading all sort of rumors around town. So, it’s good. It’s better.”
He doesn’t even notice their horrified looks at his words, just continuing his rant: “Tía Pepa and Abuela are a lot better company, not homophobic, which is nice. So, it sucks that it still gets to me, you know. That I can’t just shake it off. They don’t even know I’m bi. It’s not personal, just an affront to Ramon’s masculinity that Eddie would even consider marrying me, even if it means nothing .” His voice cracks on that last words and he clears his throat, pressing his hands to his eyes and taking a deep breath, before softly adding: “Sorry. I don’t mean to dump all this on you. I just need get over it, you already-”
“Buck please stop apologizing,” Hen interrupts. She sits down next to him and slings an arm around his shoulder. Instantly Buck leans into the half-hug.
“Yeah, man, that sounds incredibly fucked up. Like do we need to buy plane tickets to egg their house or some shit? Because I will,” Chimney agrees.
Bobby nods too. “Yes, it sounds like you’ve been putting up with a lot this whole weekend. These past few years even. We’re here if you need to talk about it.”
All of them are kind enough to not mention what part Buck’s voice broke on. Bobby isn’t clueless, you know. He can put one and one together. Buck is in love with Eddie and Eddie doesn’t love Buck back, that has to be killing him a little too on top of all this.
“Thank you,” Buck says watery, wiping at his eyes again. Then he groans: “God, this weekend has been awful.”
“Here, why don’t we head upstairs and I’ll make everyone hot chocolate and you can tell us more about it,” Bobby offers, holding out his hand for Buck to take.
Buck takes it, the previously watery smile getting closer to a grin as he does. As much as Bobby tries to ignore it, he can’t fully deny that the action causes a wave of affection to rush through him.
Making hot chocolate is a good distraction, which Bobby takes gratefully. With his hands busy, it’s easier to process as Buck explains exactly how him and Eddie met and how adopting Chris and his current life came about. It’s quite the story – and one that could only befall Buck – and Bobby tries to reorganize everything he knows with this new information.
The display at that birthday party was not a newly revealed cruel side of Buck, but instead a tension that has been built over years culminating in a passive aggressive relation further fueled by the presence of Chris, who prevented outright hostility.
For Buck, Eddie doesn’t come out of nowhere, but is instead such an intimate and prominent part of his life that he barely considered it would look abnormal from a more outside perspective. The deep love he appears to hold for Eddie, however unspoken it might be, also explains why all of them misunderstood.
It also explains why Bobby nearly had to fire Buck over his behavior as he seemingly tried to implode his life in front of their eyes. Especially when he says: “I don’t understand why they always have to be so pressed about it, you know. Our plan has always been to divorce, I’m just helping Eddie get through his recovery, then they’re rid of me.”
“You’re not sticking around after the divorce?” Hen asks, as if she can barely believe it. Neither can Bobby or Chimney, they’ve all seen how much Buck loves Chris, his family, he doesn’t seem like the type to just abandon that.
“I mean, I’d like to, but we haven’t really, uh… discussed it?” Buck says, the reply coming out more like a question than an answer.
“Buck, you have to talk to Eddie about that,” Hen advises.
“How?” Buck shoots back. “I barely know what we’re doing half of the time and Eddie already has a lot on his plate with his recovery and his parents and the studying to start the Academy. I don’t want to add to that with my nonsense, you know.”
“Kid, look at me,” Bobby orders, waiting until Buck has before he continues. “From what you’ve told us, you stepped inside with Eddie when he needed it, kept him company; his burdens became your burdens. However, your burdens became his burdens too. You’re not adding your nonsense to his plate, you’re sharing the burdens that come with being partner. Because even if it is not romantic, you and him are partners. Partnerships don’t work if you don’t talk and bottle things up. It’s only going to lead to that bottle exploding in an argument and that’s the last thing you want.”
Buck blinks a few times as he processes Bobby’s words. His face tells everyone there that he had not considered that angle before this moment.
A part of Bobby wants to face palm at him for it, but another part is forcefully reminded at how young Buck is. How he stumbled into this partnership, parenthood and all those responsibilities at twenty-two, maybe twenty-three. How he’s had no practice runs or time to fully explore himself, before this. Neither of them.
“Huh, maybe, I guess,” Buck finally responds. “I don’t want to make it worse though.”
“You won’t, kid,” Bobby promises. “I believe in you.”
“Thanks, Bobby,” Buck smiles brightly at him.
And as Buck does that, Bobby is once again overtaken by that same rush of affection and it is mixed in with pride, the same sort of pride he used to get when looking at his kids. As he feels it, Bobby realizes he is absolutely screwed . Because despite his efforts, Buck has wormed his way past his defenses and into his heart and now Bobby is feeling paternal pride about it.
It feels slightly terrible. Like he is replacing Brooke and Junior with Buck, erasing them and taking a second chance at fatherhood he doesn’t deserve. But selfishly, he finds himself wanting to be there for Buck, wanting to give him advice and praise and see him grow.
They still don’t know why Buck hasn’t been in contact with his family for a while, but Eddie made it clear it was on them, not Buck. And having seen Buck there, Bobby realizes that Buck has as much of an empty void as Bobby has. That he craves support, a side of the family to balance out Eddie’s. And selfishly, Bobby wants to be that. Wants to be there for him. For Chris.
But maybe… maybe that isn’t too selfish.
God keeps giving him second chances and Bobby never knows what he has done to deserve it, why He would do that, why H e would make Bobby live . But maybe this is it? Because while Bobby might not deserve it, Buck certainly does.
It won’t make up for 148 deaths and it won’t erase the loss he has experienced, but maybe it doesn’t have to. Maybe it can just be two lost, lonely souls leaning on each other and keeping each other afloat in this world until they can better it.
So he chokes out: “Of course, kid,” ruffling Buck’s hair as he does and ignoring the looks that earns him from Hen and Chimney, feeling relieved when the conversation continues and he can sit back a bit and just listen in.
Yeah, maybe this can be enough.