Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The moment James hears that Regulus is missing, it’s as if his mind detaches from his body. He disconnects. Something within him breaks. It’s happened before. It’s not too much of a surprise. 

The next thing James knows, he’s standing on a battlefield with Voldemort’s dead body in front of him. This is more surprising. 

This is what happened while James was gone. James won’t remember it, but he’ll have to live with it when he hears the story.

*

James immediately throws himself into finding Regulus. It’s his only focus. He and Lily hit a rough patch. Hardly speaking. James blames it on the pregnancy hormones to his friends. Lily is two months pregnant, and they just announced it to their friends. James had been excited and worried about being a father before. He doesn’t care now. 

Lily is worried about him. She asks if he is okay often. For the most part, he ignores her. She’s not important. What is important is where Regulus has gone.

It’s been years since they saw each other at this point. James hasn’t seen Regulus in the flesh since they were at school together. But a part of James will always belong to Regulus. Regulus belongs to this version of James. Their love had teeth and this James was more than willing to bite.

James needed Regulus somewhere out there, alive. That was the only thing.

He doesn’t care for anything.

Nothing at all.

Apart from Regulus.

*

James breaks into Grimmauld Place. It’s actually easier than he expected. Especially because Orion Black died a week after Regulus went missing. Regulus is technically the heir. But Regulus is missing. 

Sirius is torn up about his brother; he’s been leaning on Remus for support these last two weeks, but James has kept his distance. Sirius never knew about James and Regulus’ relationship. 

Sirius comes to James and says that his father has died. He suspects that his mother knows something about what has happened to Regulus. Sirius wants to confront her, so he has decided that he’ll go to his father’s funeral. He tells James exactly when the funeral is. He lets slip that the wards will allow mourners through the fireplace at 9 am the next day.

At 9 am the next day, James pushes out of bed. He ignores Lily’s questions about where he’s going, dresses and goes to the Floo. 

He donns the invisibility cloak and slips into the flames.

From there, it is relatively easy to slip through the house, avoiding mourners, and find a door marked with a neat RAB.

The door is charmed shut, but it’s a spell that James taught Regulus. He undoes it easily, feeling the sharp delicacy of Regulus’ magic woven. It is objectively an exquisite thing.

Inside the room, it is dark. James pushes open the curtains, flooding the room with the December morning’s light. It will be 1980 soon and the world only seems to be getting darker.

James just needs to find Regulus. 

The room is green with dark wood accents. There is a large bed in the middle of the room which is unmade. The unmade bed strikes James as strange. James is also confused by the potion bottles that are scattered around. He crosses to the bed and grabs one from the bedside table.

Dreamless Sleep.

He sniffs another one.

Calming Draft.

James knows his potions. He grew up around them. It was one of the things he and Regulus had in common. Both are excellent brewers. Regulus had been quiet in his talent, James had been more of an arse about it using it to blow stuff up and cause chaos.

James has been surrounded by potions his whole life. 

He knows what a potion addiction looks like.

He saw it in his father before he died. 

It’s an all too common death for potioneers.

He sets the bottle down and refuses to believe it. Regulus is out there somewhere. Alive. 

James turns away from the potions and looks over the rest of the room. The wall furthest from the bed has a desk beside it. The wall behind the desk is decorated with newspaper clippings. Regulus is seemingly obsessed with Voldemort.

James remembers being afraid of that name before.

He isn’t now.

He also finds Regulus’ journal. He duplicates it, leaving the fake in the room and taking the real one with him. 

He doesn't look back.

*

Sirius comes back from the funeral and cries in Remus’ arms. The family suspects Regulus has died due to a potion overdose. That’s the headline that will be printed in the prophet. Now that Regulus is dead, Walburga demands that Sirius join the Death Eaters as the head of the house of Black. 

Sirius refuses.

Sirius thinks that Voldemort has something to do with Regulus’ disappearance. He doesn’t believe the potion overdose story. 

James gets an idea.

*

Lily is staying at Mary’s. She said she needed space. It makes it easier for James to be alone in his house most of the time. He has more time to study Regulus’ journal.

James purposefully gets captured at the next raid he’s sent on. He knows the Death Eaters will think twice about killing him. He’s the head of the House of Potter now. Even though he’s a blood traitor, he’s still the only living member of the oldest pureblood line in Britain. His ancestors were at Arthur’s Round Table.

James is taken before Voldemort.

When Voldemort pries James’s mind open, he finds exactly what he hopes to see. The perfect spy. He swears his fealty to the dark lord. Voldemort wants James to prove himself, and James gives up Marlene McKinnon.

Marlene dies by James’s hand. Voldemort is pleased with James’ performance. 

James takes the dark mark.

All the while, he’s been sorting through Regulus’ notes. They seem to be in a code of sorts, and James can’t decipher it. The magic that it takes to do this is slow and time-consuming. A complicated set of blood wards that James can’t break

He needs Sirius’s help to unlock it. 

Sirius’s blood works. 

His friend’s eyes narrow when he sees the blood magic James is doing. They bulge out of his head when he sees who the diary belongs to before James can hide the name.

Sirius doesn’t say anything, though. He just claps James on the shoulder.

“You’re alright, mate?” Sirius asks.

“Why wouldn’t I be, Sirius?” James asks.

“Dunno, what with Lily and all….” Sirius trails off. “Just thought you might need a friend at the moment.”

“I really am fine,” James says. “Lils and I will sort it out. It’s just what with my parents and now Marlene… We’re all struggling with it in our own ways.” The lies slip out of his tongue as if they were truths. This James has always been good at saying what he thinks people want to hear.

“You’ll call me if you need anything?” Sirius asks.

“Yeah, of course.”

James knows already he can call Sirius for anything. He will. He just did, after all. He’s made it into Regulus journal. 

*

From Regulus’ journal, James learns about the Horcruxes. Regulus suspects there could one day be up to seven. He doesn’t think that Voldemort has made all seven yet.  He suspects that he’s made five, perhaps six.

He that they might be objects that have a special relevance to Voldemort himself. Regulus suspects something to do with his family. Regulus was digging into Tom Riddle’s past. He discovered a connection to the Gaunt family which he was yet to follow up on. He also unearthed the fact that he was linked to the disappearance of an old woman who had been the owner of Hufflepuff’s Cup and Slytherin’s Locket. Both objects had vanished.

Regulus’ handwriting got sloppier and sloppier and the entries got shorter and shorter until they boiled down to single words scribbled on the page. Like a checklist.

cave                          Kreacher                     inferi?       drink potion        maybe locket?

That was the final entry.

*

Three weeks after Regulus died. James is in the cave.

He had to call Sirius for help again to get the elf to talk. The little shit did not cooperate until James got Sirius to make him talk. Sirius had been horrified to find the elf bruised and bloody in James’s living room.

He had done what James asked at wand point.

The elf told James everything he wanted to know and more. He handed over Slytherin’s Locket when asked for it.

Once James had the information he needed from the elf, he healed him with a flick of his wand and got Sirius to order the elf never to speak of it.

Sirius confronted James about it. James told Sirius that he was looking for Regulus and had a hunch. He was going to the cave. 

Ever since he read the word inferi in Regulus’ journal, he had been reading up on them. They weren’t really dead in the same way that they weren’t really alive. They existed in a grey sort of magic that had always fascinated James.

Whenever the other one let him, he spent time researching it. The other one never remembered it, but this James did. He remembered everything. His job was to protect the other one from everything. To do what had to be done to make sure he was safe.

It had been a while since this James had been in charge for this long.

He liked it.

This James knew all there was to know about inferi. He knew that someone who was killed by an inferi was still there. Their soul was locked in their body. All it would take was a small blood ritual to revive them to their old selves.

That’s exactly what happened when James went to the cave. He found the inferi scarred version of Regulus, plucked his writhing corpse out of the lake, fought off the rest of the inferi and escaped with the inferi version of the boy he would do anything for.

Twenty-four hours later, Regulus was revived fully and tucked up in James and Lily’s bed. Regulus would be scarred from the experience, but he was alive. All it had taken was for James to recall a bonding ritual that he and Regulus had once done.

Not the other James, but this James and Regulus. 

Regulus had been the only one able to tell when James wasn’t the other him. 

Regulus knew immediately now. 

“Oh, it’s you.” Regulus regarded James through bleary eyes. “Hello. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve seen him as well,” James remarked. They always spoke about other James as a third person when they were like this. The other James had always been scared of this James. Of what he was capable of. But Regulus had always been secretly thrilled by this James. He had told this James about it like a secret just between them. Other James never knew.

“I suppose it has,” Regulus agreed. He rubbed his eyes and shifted on the bed. “What happened? Why are you here?”

“You went missing,” James tells him. “I took over from there.”

“You found my notes?” Regulus asks. “How did you get into my house?”

James never lied to Regulus. “Your father died unexpectedly, and I snuck in at his funeral. I joined the Death Eaters too.”

“Merlin,” Regulus muttered. “You really went all out to burn his life down this time, didn’t you?”

James shrugged. “As I said, you were missing.”

“What about your wife, James?” Regulus demanded. He was weak, but even lying in bed, Regulus’ anger radiated an ethereal beauty to James. Like an avenging angel come to smite him.

“Lily doesn’t matter,” James said. He turned on his heel and headed to the door.

“Where the fuck are you going?” Regulus demanded. He tried to sit upright in bed but found that James’ magic was retraining him. “James, get back here. Let me up!”

“I can’t; I’m sorry. It’s for your own good,” James told Regulus from the doorframe. “You’ll stay here until I work out the safest place to put you.”

“James…” Regulus' tone was a warning. It didn’t affect this James. Other James would be on his knees for the man, though. “James, you can’t leave me here.”

“It’ll give you the chance to dry up from those calming drafts, right Reg?” James asked mercilessly.

Regulus paled. 

James saw the signs of potion addiction written all across Regulus. 

This was just one more thing James would have to protect him from. 

*

It took Regulus three days to dry out properly. He cried and begged for potions. He clawed at James’ face whenever he went too close. James ignored him for the most part. He didn’t keep Regulus restrained to the bed, he was allowed to move around James’ room, but not to leave it.

James spent a fair amount of time repairing furniture that Regulus destroyed in fits of rage.

It didn’t affect him that much. Regulus’ begging fell on deaf ears. At least when he was locked up, he was safe.

James gave up Dorcas Meadows to Voldemort. He was gaining Voldemort’s trust. Slowly, albeit, but it was working. He attended Death Eater meetings quietly and gave up anything that was asked of him.

He also discovered the location of the Gaunt shack and retrieved the ring from the rotten floorboard. He had two Horcruxes now and no way to destroy them. Regulus hadn’t been sure in his journal of how to destroy them. It was a problem James would have to fix,

“I have two of them now,” James tells Regulus when he goes to give him his dinner later that day. 

Detox was not being kind to Regulus. He was still beautiful, even laid out in bed with a hollow expression and tired eyes.

“It’s still you?” Regulus asks, frowning at James.

“It’s still me,” James agrees. “I’m picking up where you left off. I found the Gaunt house, I have Marvolo Gaunt’s ring.”

“And the locket?” Regulus asks.

“And the locket,” says James. “Do you know anything else about how to destroy them?”

“No,” says Regulus. “It needs to be something so destructive that they are completely destroyed. I’m also not sure if he’ll be able to feel them being destroyed.”

“Hm,” James nods. “I suppose I can wait to destroy them.”

“Why are you doing this James?” Regulus asks. “Let me go?”

“Why would I let you go? You’re safe here.”

*

James’ friends are suspicious of him. With good reason. He’s distant and wrapped up in his own crusade. Now that Regulus is safe and out of the way, James will kill Voldemort. More for something to than anything else. 

James knows that his friends don’t trust him when Lily disappears. She and Mary go into hiding and James isn’t consulted. He doesn’t care either. 

That is until he’s asked about the location of his wife by Voldemort. 

He has nothing to offer. He doesn’t know where Lily is. 

Voldemort isn’t pleased.

James is tortured.

The pain doesn’t bother him.

Afterwards, he is left alone in Lucius Malfoy’s office. It’s a stroke of luck that leads him to find the diary.

*

No one else comes around to the house in Godric’s Hollow. James has the floo sealed and has removed everyone from the wards. Only he is free to come and go. For the most part, James ignores Regulus apart from bringing him meals. Regulus doesn’t like this. He wants attention. He was always a needy thing. 

James spends days sitting in the living room, staring at the three Horcruxes he has gathered and contemplating other possible hiding locations.

Regulus gave up yelling at James to let him out after the first week. He stays silent now.

Regulus knows this James. 

He knows there is no reasoning with him.

One time when they were in school, this James locked Regulus in the room of hidden things for a week. Other James returned, and it wasn’t until this James came back that Regulus was released. At least this time, Regulus hasn’t been forgotten about. He gets three meals a day unless James is too busy. Sometimes, James sits with him and they talk. Regulus helps James reason out where the other Horcruxes might be.

The thought of the room of hidden things sparks a memory in James.

Five hours later, he has the diadem.

Four Horcruxes down. One to go.

*

“James,” Sirius asks tentatively after an Order Meeting. The meetings are the only time James sees his friends now. He doesn’t really care about it.

“What is it, Sirius?” James asks.

“Can we talk?”

“What do we have to talk about?”

“I just- I don’t know. You’re scaring me, mate. You’re not yourself. You haven’t even asked after Lily or your kid, what’s going on? Is it him? Are you him?”

“I don’t have time for this Sirius.”

*

James gives up the Prewetts next. Voldemort is growing suspicious of him as he’s been unable to provide a location for Lily. Voldemort thinks that James is hiding things from him. He prods his mind with gusto every time James sees him. James uses the opportunity to examine Voldemort’s mind in return. 

This is how he discovers the location of the final Horcrux.

James no longer has the ability for subtlety. 

He’s starting to get bored with the hunt for the Horcruxes. 

He’s been careful for so long.

He wants to cause a bit of chaos.

He loads all of the other Horcruxes into his bag and sets out for Gringotts.

He doesn’t bother with deception. He fights his way in. He kills goblins and wizards alike as they get in his way. He doesn’t have time to search the Lestrange vault. He throws all of the Horcruxes on the ground in the vault and seals the door after casting the charm to summon Fiend Fire.

The vault will burn forever.

By the time James returns to the foyer, there is a battle in progress. The chaos he’s caused has summoned members of the Order and the Death Eaters alike. Voldemort himself is here.

James doesn’t think twice. He strides across the battlefield, dodging hexes and curses until he’s right in front of Voldemort. Voldemort has just blown Alistar Moody aside. He turns his attention to James.

“My Lord,” James inclines his head. 

“Potter, what are you doing?” Voldemort asks.

James takes him by surprise. He sends a severing hex at Voldemort before the man can think twice. His head separates from his body and hits the floor with a dull thunk. It’s March of 1980, and Jamed Potter has just killed Lord Voldemort.

*

*

James gasps for air as he takes in the scene around him. It takes him a second to work out where he is. He’s in Gringotts, but it’s in chaos. 

“What the fuck?” James mutters as he takes in the battle around him. People are cheering and it appears that the Death Eaters are starting to flee. James is confused about the cheering. That is until he looks down and sees Voldemort’s decapitated corpse in front of him.

James swallows vomit. The neck is mangled by a cutting charm. Bone and muscle hang free and a steady pool of blood is spreading. James is already standing in the pool. The blood is staining his shoes.

This is not the first time he’s woken up to violence. When he was younger, sometimes he’d wake up and find a decapitated animal in bed with him or a tortured mouse in a box under his bed. He has always been fairly certain that he attacked his mother once, but his parents never bought it up and James never asked.

This is the first time he’s woken up to a dead human body. The fact that it’s Voldemort is the only reason James isn’t shaking in a corner.

Okay, so… fine. His evil alter ego killed Voldemort? Maybe?

Did he really crash out that hard over Regulus? Is Regulus okay? Is he still missing or did James manage to find him? How long has it been this time? The longest he’s ever been gone is a week, is it around that long? Less time?

James doesn’t really have time to settle back into his skin. He has to help round up the fleeing Death Eaters.

*

“Did that really happen?” Sirius demands. “Did you really just kill Voldemort?”

“I, eh, I dunno,” James admits. “I think I’ve been gone for a while.”

Sirius knows about the other James. Apparently, the other James is very good at pretending that he’s the normal James. Sirius has never been able to spot when James is gone. He only ever finds out after the fact. James has always made a point to tell Sirius about it. Especially since other James tried to kill Walburga Black in their fifth year.

“Oh shit,” Sirius mutters. They’re both dirty from the battle. The Death Eaters have been rounded up and the members of the Order are collecting themselves and reuniting with their loved ones. James stands off to one side with Sirius. 

James can’t see the rest of his friends anywhere. Lily isn’t here. That’s good because she’s pregnant. They had agreed that she wouldn’t be taking part in any battles.

“How long?” Sirius asks.

“You tell me,” James sighs. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Regulus is missing,” says James. “Then I was gone.”

Sirius’ eyes widen. “James, it’s been months. That happened in December, it’s March now”

“What?” James demands. “What, no that’s not possible! It’s never been that long before.”

“You kind of went off the radar mate,” Sirius admits. “Locked yourself up in your house and wouldn’t see anyone. I thought it was a rough patch with Lily. The others all thought you were a Death Eater spy. It’s been fucked mate.”

“What?” James asks. “What the fuck, what happened with Lily?”

“Lily moved out,” Sirius says tentatively.

“Fuck,” James huffs. “He’s really fucking done it this time hasn’t he.”

Sirius casts a look around the foyer, which is beginning to empty significantly. James follows his eyes to see Remus and Peter standing across the room, watching them. James can see Remus’ hand on his wand holster as he watches James carefully. Remus’ face is set and James can tell that his friend no longer trusts him. He’ll have to earn his trust back somehow. It’s difficult when he doesn’t even know how much of an arse he’s been.

“Maybe I should go?” James suggests. “Can you explain it to them? I’m fucking exhausted.”

Sirius looks back to James. “Yeah, sure okay. But open your wards back up okay?”

“I locked my wards?” James asks, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Yeah, you did,” Sirius nods. “Not even Lily can get into that house.”

*

James returns home and unlocks his wards. He keys in Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily. He doesn’t want to be bothered by anyone else. He’s tired. So tired. He always is when he comes back. Other James doesn’t seem to waste much time on sleeping, so James is always left to pick up the pieces of a destroyed sleep schedule after his longer periods of absence.

He makes himself a cup of tea and goes to sit in the living room. 

The living room is littered with dirty plates and cups. The coffee table is completely covered in papers. Newspaper clippings, books and a leather-bound journal with Regulus’ name on it.

James doesn’t have the energy to clean properly. He waves his wand and sends the dirty dishes to the kitchen. He drinks his tea and decides he’ll read through whatever research other James was doing tomorrow. For now, he wants to crawl into bed and sleep.

He heads up to his room. There’s a complicated locking charm on the door which James removes. 

“You’re back?” A voice says as James pushes the door open. He takes in the room and sees Regulus is there. The boy looks worse for wear. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed looking at James. He has scars peeking out of the collar of his shirt.

James is frozen, staring at Regulus.

The last thing he remembers is that Regulus had gone missing.

Now, Voldemort is dead and Regulus is in James’ bedroom. 

From the looks of the room, Regulus has been here a while

The locking charm on the door makes sense now.

“Oh,” says Regulus when he takes James in. “ You’re back.”

“What the hell are you doing here Regulus?” James demands.

“Ask other you,” says Regulus. “He’s the one who revived me from the dead with a blood ritual only to keep me locked up here for months.”

“Shit, sorry.”

“I’ve told you before James, you don’t need to apologise for things he does.”

James feels like he needs to apologise anyway. His mind is too tired to reason out Regulus’ presence. All he knows is he’s glad to see the boy. 

“I’m fucking knackered Reg,” James says. “Go if you want to, I’m going to sleep.”

“I don’t have anywhere else to be James,” Regulus says. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

*

James wakes up when his floo is activated. Blearily, he scrambles out of bed, careful not to disturb Regulus who is sleeping next to him. 

His tired brain slowly clicks into gear when he walks into the living room and finds Sirius standing there.

“You look better,” says Sirius. “Did you sleep?”

“Yeah,” James sighs. “C’mon then. Give it to me. What fucked up shit did I do? How did I end up killing Voldemort? I assume it was me.”

“I really wish I knew mate,” Sirius sighs. “Like I said, you’ve been a bit of a shut-in. Looks like you’ve been busy.” Sirius casts his eyes over the piles of notes which are still out on the coffee table. He picks up Regulus’ journal. “This was sealed with blood magic. You got me to unlock it and then were all cagey about it.”

“You didn’t ask questions?” James asks.

“I never did where you and Regulus were concerned,” Sirius says. “Besides, he’s dead.”

“Regulus isn’t dead,” James scoffs. 

Sirius frowns. “What?”

“Regulus is here,” James sighs. “I found him here when I got back last night.”

“Regulus is here?” Sirius repeats, shock written all over his face.

The Black Brothers reunite. Sirius punches Regulus. Regulus tackles Sirius. All around, it’s what can be expected of them. When they separate, Sirius looks at James with a cold expression. “Explain, please?”

“I’m just as in the dark as you Sirius,” James says. “All he said was that I saved him and kept him here.”

“After you performed an ancient blood ritual to bring me back,” Regulus offers helpfully.

“Explain,” Sirius says again.

So Regulus does. He tells Sirius everything. About how he and James had been together in school, about the Horcruxes and how he’d gone after one only to be pulled into the inferi-infested lake. James and Regulus had a rule back when they were together; Regulus would always tell this James exactly what Other James has been up to. Regulus always followed this rule. This time seems to be harder than ever before as he describes James’ horcrux hunt.

Sirius is angry. James takes a punch and hits the ground from the force of it. He’d been waiting for Sirius to hit him over this ever since the first time he kissed Regulus.

Regulus just tuts and helps James onto the sofa, placing a hand on his thigh as he continues.

“Other James has always liked grey magic,” says Regulus. “I taught him some blood rituals back in school. He used one to bring me back.”

“Regulus, why the fuck were you teaching him blood rituals?” James demands. “We’re not supposed to give him dangerous shit.”

“He asked,” Regulus shrugs. “Seemed interested.”

James will never understand the relationship between Regulus and his alter ego. Regulus always says that other James is mostly cruel and indifferent to him. James knows that he’s been horrible to Regulus in the past. He will never stop trying to make up for it.

“James, what the fuck is this. You’re married. To Lily. She’s pregnant with your baby,” Sirius says.

James huffs in frustration. “How many times do I have to tell you Sirius, I don’t know!”

“Other James didn’t seem to care much about Lily,” Regulus offers. “I didn’t know she was pregnant until right now. Other James never mentioned it.”

James removed his glasses and runs a hand over his face. “This is a fucking mess.”

“I think Other James is the one who sold out Marlene and Dorcas too,” Regulus says. His tone is careful like he’s talking to a wounded animal. He always used to take the same tone when telling James what had happened whilst he was gone.

“Sold them out?” James asks. “To who? I don’t understand.”

“James, Marlene and Dorcas are dead,” Sirius tells him. “You-Know-Who killed them.”

“What the fuck?” James mutters.

“Roll up your sleeve Jamie,” says Regulus carefully. 

Frowning, James does so. His stomach lurches when he sees the Dark Mark on his forearm.

James spends the next half an hour being sick in the toilet.

*

James always makes a list of apologies he has to make after he has an episode. This list is longer than it ever has been before. 

He starts with the people who will never be able to forgive him. He leaves flowers on Marlene and Dorcas’ graves. He mutters apologies into the night and swears to try and get better. 

He has an appointment with a mind healer scheduled. He’s more scared of other James than he ever has been before. The dark mark on his forearm burns often. Like a horrible reminder of things that James will never remember.

*

Next, James speaks with Dumbledore. He tells him all about the Horcruxes. He confesses that he became a Death Eater and sold out his friends. Dumbledore doesn’t really seem to care. Dumbledore seems fascinated by Other James.

He congratulates James on defeating Voldemort.

James leaves the meeting feeling sick.

*

Next, James sits down with Peter and Remus.

Remus has always understood as well as anyone possibly could what James goes through when he has an episode. Remus went through a similar thing when he transformed into a werewolf. At least for Remus, he always knew when it would happen. James was always taken by surprise when he went away. Left to pick up the pieces.

Remus forgives James instantly.

Peter seems more scared of James than anything else.

James and Peter’s friendship never really recovers.

*

James' mind healer meets Other James a week after he first starts seeing her. He’s been going once a day and spending an hour with the woman. He likes her.

Apparently, Other James does not. He attacks her and James comes back to himself covered in her blood. She’s lucky she didn’t die.

Other James is diagnosed with a psychopathic personality. James is given medication. It helps.

*

Although Sirius says he doesn’t need an apology. James keeps doing it anyway. He spends hours with his best friend, doing everything he can to make it right.

*

Regulus never left James’ house. James can’t find it in himself to be upset about it. They settle back into an easy relationship like they had back in school. Other James appears a few times. Regulus assures James that he doesn’t really do anything.

James doesn’t know if he believes Regulus.

James does know that he still loves Regulus. He doesn’t know why Regulus stays. He’s glad he does. James hates being alone.

He still hasn’t spoken to Lily. He doesn’t know what he’d say.

*

James finally speaks to Lily a month later. Lily gets tired of waiting for James to come to her and arrives at the house.

It is April. Lily is five months pregnant. Her belly is swollen.

James remembers how excited he’d been about becoming a father. All he feels now is dread. What if he hurts the baby? What if the baby is like him? What if their mind is as fucked up as his?

“I want a divorce James,” is the first thing Lily says when James opens the door to let her in.

“Yeah fair enough,” James sighs. “Come in, I’ll make tea.”

Lily berates him for never telling her about Other James. Sirius had explained it to her. James is thankful he didn’t have to. Lily feels like James has betrayed her. She says that she wouldn’t have cared about Other James, but the fact that she never knew about him hurts. She asks him how often it had happened whilst they were together. How many times has she spoken to a totally different person and not even realised it. James doesn’t know how to answer. It’s more times than he cares to admit.

He doesn’t know what Other James wanted with Lily, but he knows he toyed with her. James was always left to pick up the pieces. 

“You were awful to me James,” Lily sniffs.

“I know, I’m really sorry,” says James. “I’m seeing a healer. I think it’s helping. I don’t want to be like this anymore Lils.”

James and Lily are divorced before their baby is born. 

James isn’t allowed to be alone with the baby. He loves Baby Harry. He’s terrified for his son. But he still loves him. The world is terrifying. James is terrified of himself more than anything. Regulus helps. He stays in the room with James and Harry at all times.

When Harry sleeps over, Regulus sleeps in his room after locking James’ door. Just in case. 

But the medication is helping. He hasn’t had an episode for a while.

*

Other James only appears once more. On James’ second wedding day. 

Other James is the one to marry Regulus. 

James and Regulus never tell anyone else. Regulus assures James that he doesn’t mind. That he loves all of him.

Secretly, James thinks that Regulus loves Other James more than he loves this James.

James and Regulus never discuss this aloud. But it’s there. And They both know it.

Chapter Text

“Okay, what’s the first rule?” James asks Regulus.

“I tell you everything that happens when you’re gone,” says Regulus with an eye roll.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me Reg, this is serious,” says James. “I can’t stop it from happening, so if you’re going to be around it then I need to know you’re going to do what I ask of you.”

“I promise James,” Regulus says. “I’ll always tell you anything he does. I’m not trying to make this any harder than it already is, I just don’t think you’ll like what you hear.”

“I don’t care if I don’t like it,” says James. “I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. He used to write it all down in a journal so I knew what had happened, but ever since… well, you, he’s stopped. I hate waking up and having no clue what I’ve done.”

“I’ll always tell you I swear,” says Regulus. “Maybe we can work out what triggers him to come out and stop it? There must be some medication or something? Have you seen a healer?”

“I’ve seen seven healers,” James admits, “the other one doesn’t like them. He tried to claw one woman’s eyes out. They all say he’s unhinged.”

Regulus snorts. “They got that much right.”

“This isn’t funny,” says James. “Stop laughing.”

“I’m not scared of him James,” Regulus replies. “He’s not threatening to me. He’s never made me feel unsafe.”

*

It’s several days before James realises something is wrong. He figured that Regulus was just busy. His OWLs are coming up and he doesn’t always have time for James. That’s okay, it’s not like they need to see each other every day. They’re both busy.

After two days, James checks the Marauder's Map and can’t find Regulus’ name anywhere on it. He panics. But tries to be casual about it.

“Have you heard from Regulus this week mate?” James asks Sirius. The two of them are alone in the dorm room. Remus is in the library and Peter is at chess club. Sirius is lounging on his bed listening to one of Remus’ records.

“Why would I have heard from Regulus?” Sirius frowns.

James shrugs. “I dunno, just… well I haven’t seen him around in a few days and his name isn’t anywhere on the map.”

“Why do you care?”

“I- um… I was gone for a bit, earlier this week,” James admits. “The last thing I remember was walking around a corner and seeing Regulus in a duel with Mulciber and Avery. They’re both in the hospital wing and I haven’t seen Regulus since.”

Sirius pushes himself up on his elbows and looks at James. “You were gone and you didn’t tell me?”

“It’s happening more often than not at the moment,” James sighs. “I’m just worried that I did something to Regulus.” He’s been gone for at least a while every week since the start of the year. It’s scary and he doesn’t want to burden his friends with it all the time. He tries to gather information about what has happened from context clues and only bothers his friends with it if he’s been gone for more than a few days. Hours? He can cope with it. A day? He can catch up.

“Regulus is a Death Eater loving shit, he’d deserve it,” says Sirius. Then he spots the look of utter concern on James’ face and softens. “I’m sure he just went home or something. Our father is ill, maybe he went to visit.”

Regulus did not go home. James is sure of this when he’s confronted by Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier in the corridor later that week.

“Where is he?” Barty demands. 

“Who?” James asks, feigning ignorance. He’s never had a proper conversation with Regulus’ friends before. He doesn’t like the murderous looks on their faces.

“Cut the bullshit, Potter, we know you and Regulus are sleeping together. We’ve not seen him since you dragged him off after hexing Avery and Mulciber. Where is he? It’s been days.”

Oh shit.

James was the last person to have seen Regulus. James had been certain that Barty and Evan would know where Regulus was. He’d even considered going to them and asking about Regulus’ absence. It would have meant exposing their relationship and fielding some questions about why exactly James didn’t remember what had happened with Mulciber and Avery. James would have done it though, if he hadn’t been certain that Regulus wasn’t in the castle.

He felt panic rising within him. 

Where was Regulus? Was he safe?

James was gone before he could even answer Barty’s question.

*

“James, are you okay?” Regulus asks as James opens his eyes. He takes a shuddering breath and takes in his surroundings. He’s in a room he doesn’t recognise. It’s large and has shelves that reach the ceiling, piled high with all manner of objects. 

Regulus is with him, standing across from him with his arms crossed tightly across his chest. He looks like shit, as if he’s been sleeping rough for a few days. His hair is unkempt and he has dark circles under his eyes. His expression is one of concern as he regards James.

Regulus breathes a sigh of relief when James’ confused eyes meet Regulus’ concerned ones.

“You’re back,” Regulus breathes. 

“Where the fuck are we Regulus?” James demands. 

“You called it the Room of Hidden Things,” Regulus says. “I’d never been here before, but you knew exactly how to get in here.”

“What happened? Where were you? It’s been days!” James asks. “You’re okay? Is it your dad?”

Regulus shushes James and moves towards him, pulling James into a tight embrace. “It’s okay James, I’m fine I swear. How much do you remember? I don’t know how long you were gone.”

“I remember seeing you fighting with Mulciber and Avery,” James mumbles into Regulus’ shoulder as he tries very hard to calm his breathing. “Then I woke up in bed the next morning. A few days later Crouch came and asked where you were, and now I’m here.”

Regulus is shorter than James, so James is hunched over to bury himself in Regulus’ shoulder. He breathes in the boy’s scent. Regulus smells the same as the room, a feight note of dust. 

Regulus guides James over to a dusty sofa and gets him to sit. 

“Tell me what happened Reg, what did he do?” James asks once Regulus has him settled.

“You won’t like it,” Regulus warns. “Just remember, I’m fine. I swear it wasn’t as bad as it sounds.”

James thinks he might be sick. 

Regulus starts to explain. Every word he says makes James feel more ill. 

*

James comes around the corner and hexes Mulciber and Avery so badly that they are left quivering on the floor from a multitude of combined spells. Barty and Evan stare at James in confusion. Regulus looks into James’ eyes and realises that it isn’t him. Other James is here.

“Give me a second,” Regulus says to Barty and Evan before heading over to James who is standing stock still, glaring at Mulciber and Avery on the floor. James’ eyes are hard, but his lips are spread into a decidedly not James smile. The smile always makes Regulus shiver a bit, because it transforms James’ soft and kind face into something other . 

“Hey James,” Regulus says tentatively, placing a careful hand on James’ arm.

James’ eyes snap to Regulus and the smile is wiped clean from his face. “You’re okay?” James demands.

“I’m okay, you took care of them,” Regulus confirms.

“I’m not a child Regulus, I know what I did,” says James.

“I know,” says Regulus. “Why don’t you go and wait for me at the Astronomy Tower? I’ll take care of this and -”

“No,” says James.

“No?” Regulus raises his eyebrows.

“No, you clearly can’t be trusted alone not to get into danger. I need to put you somewhere safe,” says James. His hand wraps around Regulus’ wrist and Regulus is suddenly being pulled down the corridor, away from his friends.

“Reg?” Evan calls after him.

“I’ll see you later guys,” Regulus shoots over his shoulder. He has no hope of getting free of James’ grip. James is strong, all of those hours of Quidditch training have made his grip tight as a vice. “Take care of this?”

Barty and Evan exchange a look. Regulus is dragged around the corner out of sight of his friends. He knows that Barty and Evan aren’t stupid. They won’t say anything that will get James in trouble with the teachers for hexing the Slytherins. 

Regulus will need to buy them both a tonne of chocolate to make up for ditching them with James’ mess. But for now, Regulus is stuck being dragged through the castle by a decidedly cold James. 

Other James has never been this rough with Regulus before. He normally sits in a corner and stares at Regulus with a strange possessive look in his eyes. It never made Regulus feel unsafe, only slightly confused.

James jerks Regulus through the corridors, not seeming to care that he’s almost pulling Regulus’ arm out of its socket. He hardly slows down when Regulus stumbles, he just turns around and hoists Regulus over his shoulder.

“Where are we going, James?” Regulus demands. “What are you doing?”

“You’re going to the Room of Hidden Things,” says James conversationally, as if he isn’t currently gripping Regulus a little too tight. As if he isn’t racing through the corridors where anyone could see him. 

“Where’s that?” Regulus gasps as James takes the stairs two at a time. Regulus’ body thumps against James’ back with each step. It hurts. 

“Somewhere that you’ll be safe,” says James. He offers no further explanation, no matter how much Regulus begs for answers. James remains silent until the enter a strange room. Regulus has never been here before. He doesn’t know where he is in the castle. It’s a large room with shelves to the ceiling, groaning under the weight of hundreds of objects stashed on them.

Before Regulus has more than a second to take the room in, James is on him. Lips scorching down Regulus’ throat, like a starved man who hasn’t tasted food in weeks.

“James, what are you doing?” Regulus manages as he’s backed up into one of the shelves. His back hits it hard, the force dislodges several items including a strange tiara with blue sapphires set into it. The tiara is sent tumbling into a large pile of discarded treasures. Regulus watches it fall.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” James asks, he hardly removes his lips from Regulus’ neck to speak. Regulus can feel James’ words ghosting over his skin. He shudders. 

“Stop it, James, this isn’t funny,” Regulus says. He tries to get his hands on James’ chest to shove the other boy off. Somehow, he manages it. Regulus thinks the only reason he’s able to shove James away is because James doesn’t really resist it.

“What’s wrong Reg?” James asks. His glasses have been knocked so they sit crooked on his nose. He’s wearing a small smug smile. Regulus searches for any sign of James in his eyes. He doesn’t find it. The only thing he can see is this other James.

“We’re not doing this now,” Regulus snaps. “I’m going to my dorm. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” says James.

“To hell, I’m not,” replies Regulus. He casts a look around, but can’t see a door anywhere, despite knowing that James hardly entered the room before setting Regulus down. The door should be right there, on that empty stretch of wall. But it’s not.

“You’re safe here Regulus,” says James. “You’re safe with me. You know that right? I’d never hurt you.”

Regulus glares at James. He hasn’t worked out how to reason with this James yet. He’s not certain there is any reasoning with him. James had called his alter ego a psychopath but had refused to explain to Regulus exactly what that meant. 

‘He just doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything,’ James had said. ‘He does whatever he wants and doesn’t care about the consequences’

“James this isn’t funny,” says Regulus. “Let me out.”

“No,” says James. “I want all of you Reg, do you not want all of me? This part of me too? You’ve never had me like this, have you? Do you not want me like this? Do you only want him?”

Regulus felt his breaths come in heavy heaves.

‘You don’t like… kiss him do you?” James asked. 

‘No, we haven’t… it’s not like that with him… I don’t think he even wants me like that.” Regulus had said. “Besides, I’d tell you if we ever did anything like that. You know I would.”

‘But do you want him like that?” James asked.

Regulus felt his cheeks flush and avoided James’ eyes. 

James took Regulus’ face into his hands, tenderly. James was always so gentle with Regulus, sometimes it made him want to cry. 

‘It’s okay if you do Reg, it’s not like… it’s still me… sort of, it’s not like you’d be cheating on me or anything…’

James kissed Regulus gently.

‘It’s fucked James,’ Regulus muttered. ‘He’s not you… but he is. I want you. I love you.’

‘I love you too Reg.’

“Do you not love me like this?” James asks, his gaze is so intense that Regulus is pinned in his position by it. He can’t move. He’s not sure he wants to.

“I do love you, James, you know that. He knows that,” Regulus mutters.

“Then prove it,” says James. “Prove you want me too.”

And Regulus does want James. He’s always wanted James. Ever since he knew what it was to want something for himself, he’s wanted James. All of James. Every part of him. Even this part. Especially this part, actually. If Regulus is honest with himself, he finds this aspect of James insanely attractive. He doesn’t want to look too far into why he finds his boyfriend’s psychotic side so hot.

James watches Regulus as Regulus stares at him, warring with himself.

James had said that he wouldn’t be angry with Regulus. It wasn’t cheating. This was still James. Even though it wasn’t.

“Well?” James says, one eyebrow cocked and a slightly mean smile on his face. Regulus thinks James is enjoying messing with Regulus in this way. “Have you decided or are you still weighing up if he’ll be mad at you? You don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to. You can keep it to yourself. I’ll never tell.”

Regulus won’t keep it from James. He can’t. He promised. 

But he can do it.

“C’mon Reg, kiss me,” James taunts. “I know you want to. I can see it in your eyes.”

James’ voice is smooth. So familiar and yet so alien. The glint in his eyes, the way his stupid glasses catch the light. And James knows Regulus. This James knows everything that the other one does. He knows Regulus is only a man. A weak one at that. Weak for James Potter. He can’t be blamed for what happens next.

One second they are staring at each other, the next, Regulus is kissing James with a burning fever. The first thing Regulus notices is that this James kisses differently. He uses his teeth more than James usually does. He bites and sucks on Regulus' lips hard enough to draw blood. 

And Regulus moans.

The noise only seems to encourage James. James' hands grab at Regulus, everywhere he can reach. His butt, his shoulders, his face, his neck. James squeezes hard enough to leave bruises.

“Off,” James mutters into Regulus’ lips, pulling at Regulus’ shirt. Yanking at it. Regulus hadn’t noticed James remove his robes, but they were gone. Already in a crumpled-up pile on the floor. Regulus’ tie is undone and hanging uselessly around his neck. 

Regulus realises he wants this. He wants this as much as he had wanted it the first time with James. This was thrilling. It had teeth. Regulus wants to bite.

James fumbles with the buttons of Regulus’ shirt and seems to lose patience. Buttons pop as James tears the shift off of Regulus. 

James takes the newly revealed skin as an invitation. He kisses down Regulus’ chest, leaving trails of heat behind him. He sucks and bites. Regulus knows he will leave marks. It’s as if this James wants to mark Regulus up to prove to other James that Regulus belongs to him. 

Regulus knows he belongs to James. He belongs to both versions. The soft and loving one and the hard and violent one. Regulus needs them both. He loves them both.

“Someone’s excited,” James mutters into Regulus’ chest as he palms his crotch. Regulus sucks in a breath and lets out another broken moan. His mind is gone. It’s lost to the insanity of this. Absorbed in the feeling of James everywhere.

“Tell me what you want Reg,” James straightens up so he and Regulus are looking at each other again. His eyes are burning and his pupils are blown. He doesn’t stop gently massaging Regulus’ crotch through the fabric of his trousers. Regulus’ hips stutter, fighting to find friction. He moans again. 

“Use your words, love,” James chuckles lightly. His laugh sounds meaner when he’s like this. The term of endearment doesn’t feel as gentle from this James’ lips. 

“You,” Regulus manages breathlessly. “I want you.”

“Which me?” James asks.

“This one,” Regulus pants. “Please- James-”

James laughs again. Regulus feels James’ hand move away from his crotch and whimpers at the loss of contact. 

“You’re a needy thing aren’t you,” James muses. “Tell me what you want Reg. I’ll do anything for you.”

Regulus doesn’t have the time or the brain capacity to unpack the weight behind James’ words. “Fuck me, please James. Use me for whatever it is you want.”

James, the bastard, laughs again. “So impatient. I’ll get to that, I promise. But be good for me first? Can you do that? Let me have my fun.”

Regulus can’t speak. Any hope of words die on his lips, in favour of a small whimper. He nods.

James comes in close, ghosting his lips over Regulus’ jaw. Regulus feels himself shiver. 

“You can be good for me, can’t you Reg?” James whispers. “You won’t break will you?”

“N-no,” Regulus manages.

“He thinks you will you know,” James whispers into Regulus’ ear. It makes him shiver again. “The other one. He thinks you're breakable. He’ll only ever be gentle with you. But that’s not what you want, is it Reg?”

“No,” Regulus’ mind is in overdrive. His heart is beating fast. Too fast.

“Right then,” James pulls away and grins. “Take your trousers off and get on your knees for me.”

Regulus does. He scrambles to relieve himself of his trousers and kicks them off of his ankle. It makes James laugh again.

“Don’t take those off yet,” James says when Regulus reaches to remove his pants. “Get on the floor for me love. On your knees.”

Regulus does. He feels vulnerable, kneeling on the floor in just his pants. The stone is cold under his knees. James, still fully clothed, though with a very obvious bulge in his pants, circles Regulus.

He feels slightly like he’s being analysed. James’ gaze is calculating as he takes in every inch of Regulus. He runs a hand through Regulus’ hair, looping a curl around his finger before releasing it and continuing his circling. 

“James, what are you doing?” Regulus asks. James has paused behind him. He hasn’t moved in several minutes. Regulus doesn’t know if he’s allowed to turn around to see James.

James shushes him. “You’re being so good, love. So patient. Well done.”

James comes back into view and stands in front of Regulus. He brushes his fingers over Regulus’ lips. Regulus’ mouth drops open almost involuntarily. James pushes his thumb into Regulus’ mouth. Regulus sucks.

 “You’re so perfect. So good. Just for me. You’ll need to open up a little wider though.”

James guides Regulus’ mouth open from the inside. Using his thumb to pull Regulus’ jaw open. James uses his free hand to undo his flies and pull his pants down, letting his cock spring free. He cups Regulus’ jaw with his spit-slick hand and guides the head of his throbbing cock to Regulus’ lips.

Regulus moves forward, taking James into his mouth without thinking, moaning at the feeling of the heavy cock on his tongue. He feels his own cock twitch in his pants, longing for friction that it’s not getting. 

James pulls back and slaps Regulus sharply across the face.

“Now, you were being too greedy Regulus,” James says conversationally. Regulus wonders how James can speak so calmly. He normally has a filthy mouth during sex, but not so rationally as he seems to now. “You won’t be greedy, will you? You’ll stay still and let me fuck your face, won’t you? Put your hands behind your back love, you don’t need hands for this,” Regulus does as he’s asked. His cheek is stinging from the slap and tears prickle at his eyes.

“There’s a good boy,” James smiles. “Now, you just stay still. I’ll do all the work for you.”

James makes good on that promise. He fucks himself into Regulus’ mouth so hard that Regulus sees stars. He focuses on regulating his breathing and keeping his jaw open wide. 

“Fuck, look at you,” James grunts. “Look at the mess you are for me Reg. You’re perfect. Just for me. All mine.”

Regulus can respond and there are tears in his eyes now. He doesn’t know what he would say if he didn’t have a cock down his throat. His own cock aches and he feels his hips buck searching for any friction possible. There isn’t any to be found. James’ hands are fisted in Regulus’ hair. He pulls on the curls and holds Regulus’ head firmly in place. 

Regulus wonders if this is heaven. 

“So perfect,” James grunts. Regulus can tell that James is close because his voice has lost that calm collected quality that he held onto up to this point. 

“Swallow,” James orders with a shuddering breath, before he cums, spilling down Regulus’ throat. Regulus swallows the lot eagerly. He would have even if James hadn’t ordered it. 

James pulls out of Regulus’ mouth with a wet pop and Regulus gasps for air, chest heaving. His brain feels fuzzy and he thinks it’s because he couldn’t get enough oxygen for so long.

James lets out a shuddering breath and crouches down so he and Regulus can look at each other.

“I wish you could see yourself Reg,” says James quietly. “You’re such a beautiful mess. So pretty.” 

Regulus can feel tears running down his face and saliva dribbling down his chin. James doesn’t seem to care. He wipes away the tears for Regulus and kisses him fiercely. 

“Lie down,” he mutters. Regulus does immediately. His back burns against the cold stone floor, but his knees thank him for the move. He expects they’ll be bruised.

“You’re so quiet Reg,” James says as he moves to hover over Regulus, placing one of his legs between Regulus’ thighs and taunting him with a faint brush against his cock. Regulus inhales and bucks against James. James is still fully clothed. He has done his trousers back up.

Regulus knows he’s normally more vocal than this in bed. But this James has somehow wiped Regulus’ mind completely clean and he’s struggling to form coherent thoughts, let alone sentences.

“Kind of difficult to make much noise when there’s a cock down your throat,” Regulus says. His throat is destroyed, and his voice comes out as more of a rasp.

“You took me so well Reg,” James says with a grin. His pupils are blown wide beneath his glasses as he gazes down at Regulus with obvious desire. “So well. What do you want?”

“Fuck me,” Regulus says. “Please, James?”

James chuckles. “I may need more than thirty seconds for that to be a possibility. I can think of other things that will make you happy though.”

“Please,” Regulus whimpers. 

James smirks, removes his glasses, and starts kissing a trail down Regulus’ chest. He teases with his tongue at the waistband of Regulus’ pants before pulling them off in one easy motion. He ghosts a kiss over the tip of Regulus’ cock which makes Regulus inhale sharply.

But his cock isn’t James’ goal. He licks down to the base and sucks on both of Regulus’ balls before continuing down lower. And - Oh .

Regulus’ brain goes fuzzy as James licks the tight ring of muscle. 

Now, Regulus and normal James have a lot of sex. In a lot of different ways. Normally, Regulus is not afraid to ask for what he wants. Normally it’s him giving orders in the bedroom. James is always so happy and eager to oblige. 

But they’ve never done this. 

Regulus doesn’t know why. It’s exquisite.

One of James’ hands works Regulus’ cock whilst his tongue probes at Regulus’ entrance. When James adds a lube-coated finger, Regulus writhes and almost feels like he’s levitating. Just as he’s about to reach the peak of his pleasure, James withdraws his hands and his tongue.

“What the fuck James?” Regulus complains. “I was nearly there.”

“I know,” James says smugly. “Not allowed. Not yet. I want you to come with my cock buried so deep inside you that you’re worried it will come up through your mouth.”

Regulus whimpers.

James smirks and then moves back between Regulus’ legs, continuing to work him open diligently. James takes his time. He bites Regulus’ thighs as he fucks him with his fingers. Regulus isn’t sure, but he’d fairly sure James bites hard enough to draw blood and then proceeds to suck some blood into his mouth.

By the time a third finger is added, Regulus is writhing and chanting James’ name like a prayer.

James stops, pulling away. Regulus is about to complain, but he looks up to see that James is frantically tearing his own clothes off like a man possessed. 

Once he too his naked, he covers Regulus’ body with his own, pressing their foreheads together. He hikes one of Regulus’ legs over his shoulder and teases his entrance with the head of his cock.

“James stop being an arse,” Regulus mutters. “Just fuck me already.”

“Who does it better Reg?” James asks, his lips are quirked into that cocky smile that Regulus knows so well. But there’s a harsh edge to it that he doesn’t normally see on James’ face.

“What?” Regulus asks. “You want to have a conversation? Now?”

“Tell me who fucks better,” James says. “Me or him?”

“Well, I wouldn’t know because you’ve not fucked me yet,” Regulus snarks.

James answers by pressing his cock forwards. He sinks into Regulus easily, their bodies slotting together like they were built for it. Normally, James does this slowly. He sinks into Regulus with care and takes his time. This James is rough. He rams into the hilt and stills there. 

Regulus sucks a sharp breath. 

“Tell me who fucks better?” James asks.

Regulus is very much not in the position to be having a conversation now. 

“Tell me Reg,” says James. “Is it me? I bet it’s me.”

“You’re just… different,” Regulus manages. “Fucking move won’t you?”

James smirks and does.

He fucks Regulus into the cold floor mercilessly.

James has always been good at this part. But this ? This is different. It feels like having sex with someone else, but someone who is still decidedly James . He looks like James, he sounds like James, he smells like James. But something just isn’t quite the same.

Perhaps it’s because if this were James he’d start slow and gentle. Having sex with James was exactly what Regulus had always imagined making love should feel like. This isn’t that. This is animalistic, raw, hungry.

James reaches down between their bodies and strokes Regulus’ cock. He wraps his fist around it and times the movements of his hand with his thrusts. He has to shift his angle to achieve this and the slight change makes Regulus lose his mind.

His mind goes white and he cums so hard that he sees stars. 

By the time he’s come back to his senses, James has followed him over the edge and they both lie on the cold floor, completely spent.

Usually, James will carefully disentangle them and lie down next to Regulus. He’ll smooth Regulus’ hair from his sweaty forehead and rain compliments down on him as they both come down from their post-orgasm haze. 

This James does nothing of the sort.

He lays over Regulus, panting heavily. He is heavy and it makes it hard to breathe will all of James’ weight on him. For a moment, James is so still that Regulus wonders if other James is back and is slowly settling back into his skin. Regulus has only seen the switch a few times, but James is always dazed and confused for a few moments when he comes back to himself. 

That isn’t the case, however. 

James suddenly pulls away and pushes to his feet. It takes a few seconds for Regulus to realise that James is getting dressed. It takes another few seconds for Regulus to realise that James is walking away from him. Regulus’ mind is still in a dizzy haze. He fights to remain in the state of post-sex bliss, but he can’t, because James is leaving.

“Where are you going?” Regulus asks, pushing up on his elbows and suddenly feeling very exposed. There are white stripes across his stomach and a combination of cum and spit dribbling out of him. He’s covered in bites all over his body. 

“Away,” says James. 

“What the fuck?” Regulus mutters. “James you can’t just… you can’t just leave.”

“I can and I will,” says James. “You’ll be here when I come back. You need to learn a lesson about not getting into flights you can’t win.”

“You’re leaving me in here?” Regulus demands. “James, what do you mean?”

“You started a fight with Mulciber and Avery,” says James. “They could have hurt you. You need to learn the consequences of putting yourself in danger.”

Regulus doesn’t know what to say. James takes his silence as an invitation to leave. 

The door appears on the empty wall and without another word, James is gone. The door is gone the second it closes and Regulus is alone.

*

At first, Regulus doesn’t believe James will leave him here for long. James is unhinged, but he’s never been this cruel to Regulus.

He cleans himself up with a wave of his wand and takes in the damage. He finds an old cracked mirror amidst the discarded objects in the room. Most of the bites are hidden by his clothes, but there are a few on his neck which will take some covering up. He spends a while in the mirror using a charm to cover them up so that Barty and Evan won’t ask any questions. 

They know about him and James. But they absolutely do not know about other James. Regulus would never betray James’ trust in disclosing that. It had taken a lot for James to tell Regulus about it and even then Regulus knows it was only because he’d noticed the shift in James’ eyes.

James always said that other James was very good at pretending to be normal James. He said that Regulus was the only person who’d ever been able to spot it. Even James’ parents didn’t know the extent of other James’ appearances. Recently, other James had been appearing every other week. Sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a day.

James was always so apologetic afterwards, but Regulus didn’t mind. For the most part, other James ignored him. This was an anomaly, Regulus told himself, other James had never paid him this much attention before. 

Regulus hoped he would again.

*

There were no windows in the Room of Hidden Things, but there was a grandfather clock somewhere in the bowls of the room which chimed on the hour.

Regulus wondered if normal James knew where the room was. If he were to return, would he be able to come and get Regulus, or would Regulus starve to death in the room?

*

It was late at night when the door appeared. It wasn’t James. It was the Potter family house elf. Regulus didn’t know the elf’s name. He’d only seen her a few times. James was the sort to call his house elf for help even at Hogwarts. Regulus had seen the elf getting food from the kitchens a few times to take up to James’ dorm.

The house elf didn’t meet Regulus’ eyes. She held a platter of food and a large glass of water.

“Master James has asked Suzie to bring Mr Black meals,” the elf says.

“He what?” Regulus asks.

“Master James does not want Mr Black to starve to death,” says Suzie. “Master James cares about his wellbeing.”

The elf doesn’t say anything else. She sets the food down beside the door and backs out of it before Regulus can manage to escape. The door disappears behind her. 

Regulus tentatively approached the platter and found a steaming plate of Risotto and a chocolate eclair. 

He does understand what this means. 

If James is sending in food for Regulus, how long is he planning on keeping Regulus here?

The answer, apparently, is a week. 

Regulus wanders the halls of the Room of Hidden Things and discovers some of the strange items it holds. The Grandfather clock chimes on the hour and James’ house elf shows up twice a day- once with breakfast, once with dinner. 

Regulus is used to this kind of thing. At home, he has been locked in his room for days at a time with no hope of being let out. It happens less now that he is older and since Sirius has left and can’t provoke his parents like he always did. At least at home, Regulus knows it won’t last for more than a day or two.

He also knows that his captors are aware of his location. He isn’t certain that James would be able to find him when he notices his absence. Normal James that is.

Regulus heard the door from across the room. He was examining some banned textbooks he had discovered and immediately abandoned the activity as his stomach was growling. He wondered what the elf would bring him today. How quickly he has grown used to this mundane life.

But it isn’t the elf. 

James stands near the door, smirking at Regulus with that mean smile that signals to Regulus that this isn’t James.

“You’ve remembered I exist then?” Regulus demands, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at James.

“This was a test,” says James. “You can only blame the other one for how long you were kept here. It took him this long to work out something was wrong.”

Regulus narrows his eyes at James. “Let me out, James.” 

“I could,” says James. “But I think you need to know what the results of my test have proved.”

“What’s that?” Regulus asks.

“That I love you more than him,” says James. “I came right back to you as soon as I could. He hardly noticed you were gone all week. It wasn’t until your friends asked where you were that he realised what was going on.”

“You’re sick,” Regulus states. If he was understanding James correctly, then this James is trying to compete with other James to prove… well, to prove to Regulus that he loves him more. Regulus doesn’t know what to say to this. “James, you can’t - love isn’t shagging someone and then locking them up for a week-”

“So love is what he does then?” James raises an eyebrow. He looks decidedly unbothered by the whole thing as if Regulus is inconveniencing him. “Love is soft?” James’ tone is almost a jeer.

“I- I don’t understand,” Regulus is still trying to understand this James. He doesn’t know why. This James clearly has no interest in being understood. He is an enigma. Regulus suspects that he’s the person who knows this James best at this point and he feels like he’s hardly scratched the surface.

“Tell me you only want soft love Regulus,” James jeers. “I know you don’t. You liked being thrown around, didn’t you? I bet you’d like it again. I bet you’re enjoying being locked up here. Safe, away from anything that could hurt you. You always used Sirius as your shield, didn’t you? Now he’s gone and you need a new protector. It could be me Reg. I’ll do it. For you.”

Regulus’ heart is beating fast. He’s watching James carefully, so he notices when James blinks and his eyes stay closed for an extra second. He notices the change in James’ posture and the tension that enters his shoulders.

“James, are you okay?”

He breathes a sigh of relief when James’ eyes open and he sees soft brown with no edge.  “You’re back.”

*

Regulus was right. James doesn’t like much of what he hears. 

He hates it actually. He knows that he told Regulus it was okay if he and other James kissed or did… other things. He’s not mad at that, actually, he doesn’t really give a shit. What he does care about is the fact that other James has kept Regulus locked up in this strange room that doesn’t appear on the Marauder’s Map for a week as a sadistic sort of test to see how long it would take before James noticed .

James feels sick. It took him a week to notice Regulus was missing. 

He wrote it off. 

Decided that Regulus must be off with his family. 

James will never do that again. 

If Regulus ever goes missing. James will find him. 

“I’m sorry,” James says weakly. They’re still sitting on the dusty sofa and Regulus is looking at James with a strange expression on his face. “I’m so sorry Reg, I should have noticed sooner. Sirius said that your dad was sick, I thought you’d gone to visit him. I didn’t know…”

Regulus takes James’ face into his hands and peppers a kiss on James’ nose. “You never need to apologise for things he does James. Ever. It’s not your fault.”

“But it’s still me. I still did it,” James insists. “I kept you locked in here for a week.”

Regulus shakes his head. “You’ve never met him, I don’t know how to explain him. He’s you… but it’s as if he doesn’t care. He’s you if everything that made you yourself was stripped back. You, James, are defined by how much you care. He’s defined by how much he doesn’t.”

“But he loves you?” James asks weakly. “He thinks he loves you more than I do.”

“I think he only loves me because you do,” Regulus states. “If you didn’t, he wouldn’t care.”

James thinks he’ll love Regulus forever. The thought terrifies him because he doesn’t know what that means for Regulus. What will other James do to the boy? James wants to take Regulus and run away from everything that could hurt him. But he can’t. Because he’s one of those things.