Chapter Text
Dazai was tired, and no, not the type of tired that normal sleep could fix, he was tired of life. Ever since he was a child he had wanted to commit suicide, but there was always something in the way that prevented him from doing it.
Like when he was fourteen, he tried to drown himself, but dumb Mori found him and dragged Dazai to the Port Mafia where he stayed till he was 18. Then there was the time when he tried to shoot himself but the gun jammed! There were so many attempts and few almost succeeded, “The universe must hate me” Dazai has thought his whole life.
So, he decided on a date that he was actually going to kill himself and not let himself fail - July 11th.
Osamu woke up with a headache and blurry red eyes, his alarm was blaring. It was time for work. “Maybe I shouldn't have gone to sleep at 2 am,” he muttered. Sloppily, he reached his hand out to stop the alarm, it took a few tries before the bliss of silence followed.
Surely the Detective Agency could wait an hour.. or two before his arrival. He was going to die soon so what was the point anyway? He started to fall asleep when suddenly–
BANG BANG BANG
There were three loud knocks on the door and a faint but unmistakable voice that was heard - Kunikida. Dazai wondered how long it would take for the blond to knock down his door, so he waited. It didn’t even pass a minute before he heard keys jingling (oh right he gave Kunikida keys to his apartment so he didn’t need to do that anymore). Dazai sighed disappointedly.
The blond entered yelling.
“DAZAI! You bandage a wasting machine! Do you KNOW what time it is? Work started 2 HOURS AGO and yet you are here lazing around! Now that I had to get you, my schedule is 30 minutes behind! 30! ”
Dazai moaned in exhaustion and said annoyingly “Kunikidaaaaaa can’t I have five more minutes??”
Kunikida abruptly answered.
“Absolutely NOT, start getting your ass dressed before I do it myself!” The blond started pulling Dazai out of his futon, still yelling.
“I'm not playing you bastard! You still have paperwork from last week that you need to finish!”
Slowly but surely Dazai got up and grabbed his messily thrown clothes from the ground and started putting them on while Kunikida waited outside his apartment. They probably smelled but he didn’t care. Suddenly He realized his bandages were somewhat loose so he fixed them (he should probably change them.. they were a few days old)
After Dazai got dressed, he and Kunikida walked to the agency, Dazai making jabs at him on the way to put Kunikida on edge. The blond tried not to make a scene, as there were people walking around and cars driving by, but Dazai was making it extraordinarily hard. The men noticed that oddly there weren’t many people outside today. It could be because of how late Dazai got up - people must be working, unlike him, he thought gleefully.
When they got to the Agency he sat in his usual spot that was near a window, his seat was being violently warmed by the hot sun. He tried to sit in his spot when suddenly a searing hot pain went through him making him immediately jump up – “YEOCH! The audacity of the sun! How dare it heat up my seat like this!”. Everyone looked at him with a disapproving look because he disturbed the peace once again. Atsushi though, unlike the rest, greeted him.
“Hi, Dazai–ah! Are you ok?” He looked a little worried. A look that Dazai wasn’t used to. “Also why are you late–” Kunikida interrupted him, just like he interrupted Dazais beauty sleep.
“The bastard was once again sleeping in!” He then faced the man with darker hair. “Dazai, you ought to fix your sleeping schedule. I will write it down so we can focus on that later.”
Osamu disinterested, looked at the new desk he was sitting on - piles upon piles of paperwork making him wish his demise came a little earlier than intended.
“Maybe..” he thought, “Maybe I should do the paperwork I'm supposed to do, as for one of my last gifts to the agency - to tie up any loose ends”
Dazai started doing the paperwork for the first time in forever, Kunikida seemed to peer at Dazai sometimes with visible confusion - it almost made Dazai want to do the paperwork every day just to see that face, almost is the keyword, as there was no way he could do this again, it was wayyy too boring, all Dazai wanted is to annoy Kunikida.
The day at the Agency went about normally - or as normal as it could go, Kenji brought another cow inside the Agency office which brought a little entertainment to Dazais' boredom. After a moment he looked at the small calendar on his desk and saw that there was a long week left till his death. He got happy at the thought that soon he would be free from this inhuman body, though he pushed this thought behind and continued working.
As hours passed, the day darkened and the Agency started becoming less, and less crowded. Dazai was still doing the paperwork, but he decided that for today this was enough.
While Osamu was getting ready to leave, Yosano and Kunikida approached him.
Yosano spoke first,
“Wow Dazai, never knew you could do any type of paperwork. I thought it would be physically impossible for you to do it, Perhaps Dazai has gone mad~”
Then Kunikida pushed up his glasses and spoke,
“As Yosano stated, I never knew you could be so focused on your work for once. I will not congratulate you, since it's our duty to our President to do our work. You might want to keep up the good work. Who knows, maybe you’ll get a raise and stop asking me for money!”
Dazai sighed and started acting dramatically,
“ You guys are so mean! I'm very capable of doing my work, thank you very much!” a moment passed before he spoke again in a sarcastic voice “Actually, Kunikida, did you know this new anti-aging technique? If you drown yourself, your face will be as smooth as a baby's!”
Kunikida started muttering to himself as he wrote it all down, believing Dazai when suddenly the brown-haired man told him he was messing with him. Kunikidas pen then snapped from anger and he started to strangle Dazai, yelling,
“YOU IMBECILE! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW I KEEP FALLING TO YOUR TRICKS, STOP TELLING ME NONSENSE TECHNIQUES!”
Yosano tried to calm Kunikida and succeeded, even though it was hard to pry those hands from Dazais' neck. Once everything calmed and got themselves together they left the Agency for their separate homes.
Dazai sluggishly walked back, the tiredness was visible on his face - sunken eyes and slow movements. Negative thoughts springing in here and there that hummed an annoying melody in his mind that felt like a song on repeat, feeling the stinging sensation of his bandages rubbing against his unhealed scars and the nagging sensation of suicidal thoughts rolling in - the usual is what Dazai thought.
Eventually, he got home. “Finally..” he thought, the smell of musk and alcohol filling his senses, the smell of home.
He didn't even bother taking off his clothes that uncomfortably clung to his body, tripping over his crowded and dirty floor with empty bottles of alcohol, unfolded dirty clothes and whatever else there was, face planting into the unmade futon. He just realized how much that paperwork really took out of him. The dark-haired man had no idea how the others did it or how he did it in the port mafia. He was truly glad that his life was going to end soon. No more paperwork, no more pain, no more bad thoughts, just bliss.
Osamu remembered that Kunikida had scheduled to come over tomorrow to help clean Dazais's home because he could not handle the smell or the messiness every time he came in.
He thought that maybe he should hide his bloody bandages and blades to not cause concern, so he stood up, his whole body aching, feeling exhausted, and walked into the bathroom.
When he opened the door he saw how dirty his bathroom was, he felt a little bit disgusted with himself but he continued. Dazai found the first pile of bloody bandages and put them in a trash bag he found lying on the floor, and like that, he continued. Picking up whatever he saw. Not caring if he got all of them, he tied the trash bag. The man looked at where he kept most of his blades which were in his bathroom sink cabinet. He opened it and just threw away the rusty ones, leaving the clean ones for later use. If Kunikida asked about them, he would just say he was shaving, which was a half-truth anyway.
After he somewhat cleaned the things he didn't want Kunikida to see, he once again face-planted exhaustedly into his futon, falling asleep.
6 days left.