Archive of Our Own

He’s had it.

Kim Seungmin knows there are better ways to vent anger than by telling a stranger on Twitter to go kill himself. 

But he digresses. Because for the love of fucking christ, he needs this man off his screen. 

AlphaMin.  

Or alternatively, Minho. The most intolerable man Seungmin’s ever had the misfortune of coming across. A widely popular internet persona that can only be described as a waste of oxygen. Complete with an irritating, grating voice that’s louder than the fucking modified muffler sports cars driven by morons. 

Seungmin isn’t certain how and why he has so many fucking followers. 

Maybe it’s the like-minded gaggle of idiots that still laugh at 2012-era Facebook memes. Or maybe it's his dedication to never break character. Or perhaps the small handful of people (including his dumbass roommate) that somehow find this man attractive. 

He looks down at his phone, watching as the retweets and likes roll in. It’s not like Seungmin doesn’t have an internet presence himself— he’s somehow gained 20,000 followers from the sheer amount of hatred he spreads. He, however, has not told someone to die until this point in time. 

It’s simple things. No actual bullying— just his controversial thoughts on new albums or Met Gala outfits or even television shows. He’s beefed with his fair share of internet creators and been blocked by more celebrities than he can count on his fingers. It’s a way of life, as he likes to call it.

There’s a notification ping from his roommate, Jisung. 

He closes his eyes and blows air through his nose, clenching his fists together.

God, he hates his best friend.

“Jisung!” He calls through their shared apartment, tossing his phone on the couch to bang on his roommate’s door. “Whoring on main, what the hell is wrong with you?”

There’s a maniacal cackle from the other side. “You don’t get him like I do.”

“Don’t you have a mixtape to record?” Seungmin spits back, leaning against the doorframe. “You are not pulling numbers.”

It’s true. Seungmin’s best friend is part of a three-man trio– 3RACHA – that rap and sing on the internet. Jisung has more followers than the three of them combined (Chan, Changbin, and Jisung— all fellow graduate students). 

Seungmin isn’t sure how they’re supposed to be promoting their music, considering they have absolutely zero filter on twitter (hence Jisung thirsting over fucking AlphaMin). He hears the shuffling of Jisung’s feet before his roommate swings the door open.

“Good morning, asshat. And for your information, he’s hot. And I’m half certain he’s a local!” 

“He’s unbearable.”

“That is precisely what makes him sexy.”

Seungmin groans and makes his way back to the living room with his best friend tailing him. 

“You don’t get it, it’s his dedication to the craft— the sheer will to have the worst digital footprint on earth. I need a man like that. Can you imagine how loyal he’d be?”

“I’m blocking him and then the rest of you.”

“But see that’s the thing, you haven’t yet!”

Seungmin rolls his eyes. “How else can I bully you?”

Jisung points an accusatory finger at him. “Admit it, you haven’t blocked him yet because you secretly find it funny.”

Seungmin launches a pillow at his best friend. “Wrong.”

Jisung looks down at his phone. “Look, even Felix has him reposted!” He shoves the phone in Seungmin’s face.

Seungmin groans for the umpteenth time. “He is the only oomf I don’t hate right now. Why do this to me?”

Unfortunately, there’s truth to this. Felix (along with Jeongin) is the wholesome oomf, one of the only people Seungmin looks forward to when he opens his feed in the morning. The sweet kid from the computer science department, always tweeting something cute and tame. Jisung on the other hand, tweets like he isn’t trying to be successful in the music industry

“Look at the photo Minho posted with his cat the other day, he’s cute as fuck!” Jisung argues, continuing to shove the phone in Seungmin’s face. 

“What if it’s not a character and all of you are delusional?”

“And what if I told you that I still find him hot and sexy.”

Seungmin snatches Jisung’s phone and throws it on the neighboring couch. “You people are insufferable.”

Jisung scrambles to grab his phone again, grumbling away as he continues to scroll on twitter. “Jeonginnie is begging him to break character again.”

“I hope he fucking does.”

Jisung shakes his head. “I’m sure breaking character would cost at least a third of what he’s making through this persona.”

Seungmin begins making himself a sandwich in the kitchen. “You better hope to god he doesn’t pick up a podcast mic.”

“That would be even sexier .”

Seungmin’s phone relentlessly pings. Irritated, he picks it up and scrolls through his notifications. “Oh god, the woke police are on my ass.”

Jisung scoffs. “Yeah, normally people don’t like it when you tell them to die, Seungminnie.”

Seungmin begins blocking people, rolling his eyes. “It’s Twitter. And I know that man does not give a fuck.” He finds a particularly violent comment and replies to it with little to no emotion. He shakes his head and continues scrolling through his feed.

“What the fuck,” he breathes out, dropping his phone in sheer frustration. “Hyunjin?! The fucking model?”

Jisung throws his head back and cackles on the couch. “I’m telling you, you’re the odd one out.” He pops up to join Seungmin in the kitchen. “I’m oomfs with him, by the way. Not to flex.”

“I’m oomfs with him, too, idiot.” 

Jisung scrunches his nose and opens the fridge, abandoning his phone altogether. “One of these days, you’re going to see the light. You’re going to realize that Minho is a High-Value Alpha Male and worthy of your following. Mark my words. You’ll be enacted into the cult in no time.”

Seungmin doesn’t answer, instead focusing his attention on making food. Jisung continues to giggle his way out of the kitchen and back into his room. 

Seungmin takes one more look at his feed before retweeting his own tweet.

📱

“Seungminnie!” Jisung’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard. “Check twitter!” 

Seungmin rolls out of bed and groans, glaring at the light peeking through his curtains. It’s Sunday, one last day of freedom before diving back into his rigorous schooling. The last thing he wants to hear is Jisung’s peppy voice and thunderous steps through their shared apartment. He checks twitter and rolls his eyes so hard it nearly gives him a headache.

“He fucking followed me!” Jisung calls, bursting into his best friend’s room wide awake. 

“Yeah. I see that,” Seungmin swings his feet over the bed and pushes past his roommate. “I’m blocking you.” 

He can almost hear Jisung pouting behind him, crossing arms over his chest. “What if he wants me?”

“Jisung, I have a paper due tomorrow. I need you to be quiet for the time being and go write some lyrics.” Seungmin sighs, slamming the door behind him as he enters the bathroom. He can hear Jisung’s dejected voice from the living room.

“You’re so mean to me these days!” There’s a huff of frustration before Jisung goes quiet.

It’s true, if Seungmin is being honest with himself. 

Two months ago, his good-for-nothing, loser-ass boyfriend cheated on him after six months of a lousy relationship. Sure, Seungmin is a hater. But nothing would compare to the crashout he had on twitter, ramping up his string of roasts after finding his ex-boyfriend online sexting with someone he met on Valorant. Despite being someone that doesn’t take shit on Twitter, Seungmin found himself lowering his standards for a hot guy he met in a poetry club. 

Twitter had always been his go-to place to release steam, considering the majority of his comment section ate up his mean attitude. But the attitude had transferred onto his best friends, becoming closed-off and snappier than usual. 

Not to mention, being a master’s student in creative writing wasn’t the easiest gig. Seungmin often found himself half-dead at his laptop, drowning out Jisung’s rapping and struggling to keep his eyes open. The internet had always been a great way to help ground himself— in the way of being a dickhead, that is. 

He splashes water on his face and stares at his reflection. Deep eyebags, messy hair, a pale face. Not even a solid base and a mask could hide the exhaustion in his features. He groans and checks his phone, ignoring the onslaught of tweets directed at him. 

Until he sees one that makes his face go even paler. 

Seungmin nearly drops his phone into the sink, whispering a what the fuck under his breath. The hit tweet nearly gives him another headache, barely registering that so many people are watching him and this idiot beef in real time. His stomach twists at the “AlphaMin” profile, disgusted by his persona and the profile picture. Jesus, Seungmin has never hated anyone more than this man.

He swings the bathroom door open and nearly screams. 

“Jisung!” 

The younger man comes tumbling down the hallway, eyes wide. “What?!”

“Did you fucking see this?!” He shoves the phone in Jisung’s face, half-panicked. His best friend erupts into a fit of laughter.

“No way ,” he nearly doubles over, guffawing as Seungmin stares at his phone in disbelief. “You’re beefing with him now?”

“Absolutely fucking not .”

“What? Can’t take the heat? Bitch you started it.”

Seungmin nearly crumbles against the wall, slamming his head back against it and dramatically sliding down. His life cannot get any fucking worse. First his ex cheats on him, and now some moron on twitter is fucking up his roasting streak. Can’t he just be a hater in peace?

“You got enemies now, by the way,” Jisung says, half joking as Seungmin tweaks out on the floor. “And like, a lot of them are fan accounts.”

“Wonderful. I love being doxxed.”

Jisung gives him a look. “Not like it’s the first time.”

“Please don’t remind me.”

His phone pings again and Seungmin begrudgingly reaches for it. It’s another tweet from his new enemy.

Jisung plops down directly in front of Seungmin. “This is glorious. This is like— karmic intervention. The universe was tired of you bullying people online.” He laughs again. “Or alternatively, this is very enemies to lovers coded.”

Seungmin nearly sees red, kicking Jisung with his bare toes. “Do not speak that shit into existence you freak.” 

“Should I give him our address? So he can show up and mop the floor with you? Or so I can flirt with him directly?”

“I don’t even need to worry about people doxing me on twitter when I live with you,” Seungmin grumbles, pulling himself off the floor. There are better things to do than be chronically online. 

Jisung tails closely behind him, grabbing onto his shoulders. “Oomfs are joining in, you better be locked and loaded.”

“And if I tweet everyone should die—”

“Enough!” Jisung screams in a semi-serious tone. “He’s got a really big fanbase, Seungminnie. Perhaps kindness will do the trick this time around?” Jisung’s innocent face widens into a hopeful smile. Seungmin’s eye twitches. 

“Eat my ass.” 

And he’s back to his grueling morning routine.

Seungmin checks his phone every two minutes, eyes trailing over the boatload of notifications going absolutely psychotic over the interaction. Who knew that weirdo freak was actually going to see his half-assed and sarcastic threat? Yes, Seungmin knows he shouldn’t have said it— anyone who sends threats over the internet is a piece of shit. But AlphaMin? Come on, he couldn’t have been the only one dying to say something mean.

Seungmin cracks every single egg he attempts to hard-boil, nearly throwing the carton against the glass window while Jisung intermittently cackles every five minutes. He also burns his bacon and drops his cup of tea, but all of that just about checks out. He’s horrified by the amount of oomf in laws and oomfs pouring into the comment section, either calling him out for being a dick or laughing with the majority of the responders. He’s never had this much engagement before, even when he got hate-trained for his opinion on the top-selling kdrama of 2024. 

He looks back at Jisung and curls his fist together, realizing that his mother raised not a single bitch in her household, and calmly forms a response. 

His fingers work faster than his brain, his frustration a bit too irrational for his moral compass. 

And then he sends the tweet. 

📱

“Good news,” Jisung slides his phone in Seungmin’s direction while they sit at the local cafe, despite his dejected expression. “Oomf meet up.” 

Seungmin blinks. Then blinks again. Can’t this man just say hangout like a normal fucking person?

“Your little threat proved helpful. And now I’m seeing this glorious man in person.” 

Seungmin stares at his best friend like he’s grown three heads. “What are you talking about?”

Jisung sighs and sips his coffee. “I did damage control— you’re welcome , by the way.” 

“I didn’t need it,” Seungmin grumbles.

“Bullshit. I dmed him.”

Seungmin’s eyes go wide. 

“I apologized on your behalf. You were getting softblocked and hardblocked left and right. I had to do something .” He takes another sip. “Again, you’re welcome , for defending your honor. I’ve probably ruined my career by associating with a twitter bully, but I digress.”

“Get to the goddamn point, Jisungie.”

Jisung grins like an idiot. “He responded to me. Totally normal, by the way— so you’re wrong about him already. We talked for a couple minutes until he asked if you were serious about fighting.”

Seungmin’s stomach drops. Of course he wasn’t fucking serious. What the hell is wrong with his guy? Doesn’t he know the first rule about Twitter? That the people who say they wanna fight can’t throw a single punch? He takes a shaky sip of his tea and closes his laptop.

“What is his problem?”

“What is his problem?! You’re the one who tweeted the threat!”

“It wasn’t a fucking th—” Seungmin gives up halfway, sinking back down into his seat while Jisung holds back a laugh. 

“Anyway, we laughed about it.” 

Seungmin feels himself start to relax.

“And then it somehow snowballed into adding mutuals into a groupchat and now…they want to show up and watch you fight him.”

Nevermind.

“I hate you.”

Jisung puts down his phone. “Did you know he’s in the neighboring town? He goes to our rival university.”

“How fitting.”

“Please go. This could be a monumental moment on Twitter.”

“Absolutely not.”

“The model is going.”

Seungmin shoots an eyebrow up. “You don’t mean…”

“Yes, him. Hyunjin.”

“Doesn’t he have a PR team?!” 

Seungmin won’t lie, the presence of his Twitter crush pulling up to a showdown does sound tempting. Besides, they haven’t been oomfs for long. This could be his chance.

“He’s independent. But if we’re being honest, I think he just forgot to log out of priv one day.” Jisung briefly looks down at his phone. “Oh, and the pookies are going. Felix and Jeongin said they’d be good moral support.”

Seungmin rubs his temples. “You’re dead serious, aren’t you?”

Jisung throws him a thumbs up.

“Whatever the fuck happened to stranger danger?”

“Jeonginnie is an irl now and Felix is too by proximity. AlphaMin is a major internet persona, and Hyunjin isn’t risking his career.”

Seungmin cringes at the words. “Can you just say his legal government name?”

“Alpha Minho, my apologies.”

Seungmin squeezes his eyes shut and lets it go. “Where’s the meetup?” He doesn’t know why he’s asking, he’s not fucking going.

“The engineering building on his campus.”

“This is so unserious.”

“Did you know he’s an engineering student?” 

There’s no way .

“Grad student, too. You guys have so much in common!” 

Seungmin nearly crushes his latte. Jisung gets the point and pipes down, going back to mixing his music. They work in silence for another thirty minutes before the insufferable pinging on Jisung’s phone causes Seungmin to snatch it right up. Jisung pays him no mind, humming along to his music while Seungmin types in the passcode to reveal the godforsaken groupchat. His face falls. Jisung was not kidding.

OOMFCHELLA 

hyunjin: do we have a time? i have a shoot over there in like two days.

jeongin! :  in between class maybe? 

felix: im with jeongin 24/7 so ill be there

AlphaMin: my research is in that building. 

Seungmin’s mouth parts as he scrolls through the groupchat. Is he seeing this correctly? Is Minho actually forming sentences?

AlphaMin: jisung, just to clarify. seungmin knows im joking…right? 

i can’t fight

“Hey, give me that!” Jisung suddenly snatches the phone out of Seungmin’s hands. He’s left a bit speechless, a strange feeling washing over him at the sight of Minho’s words.

Of course it’s a character. Of course he’s joking. Why would it be literally anything else? After months of enduring horrendous reposts of insufferable content, Seungmin can’t seem to compute the casual way Minho speaks outside of public spaces. He stares at Jisung.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” His best friend asks with a perked eyebrow.

“He… he—”

Jisung rolls his eyes and sighs. “I’m disappointed, too. Lowkey the cringe was hot. Turns out he really is kind of normal.”

Seungmin ignores the freakish confession. “When is it?” 

“What? Oomfchella? Friday maybe. Time undecided.” He stops for a moment before leaning forward and sliding off his headphones. “Wait, you’ll go? You’ll fight him for me?” Jisung’s eyes sparkle with something nefarious. Seungmin feels his inner ego deflate like a popped balloon. 

He doesn’t know what compels him. Maybe it’s the boredom. Or the hatred. Or the genuine curiosity regarding Minho’s actual personality. But he agrees. And in the next moment, Jisung is sweeping him into a ridiculous hug that Seungmin begrudgingly leans into. 

Returning to his chair, Seungmin checks his notifications and sighs. Well, he’s gained and lost followers. And now there are over 100k people praying on his downfall and prospective brawl. 

He takes one look at his best friend and logs out of twitter.

📱

It’s cold as fuck.

Seungmin cannot believe he’s doing this. He cannot believe he is this good of a friend. 

He’d already agreed, but it took additional convincing from his whiny little best friend and a few peptalks from Changbin and Chan. He’s buried in layers of warm clothing, grumbling into his scarf as he and Jisung make their way along the streets of the massive university. 

He was gatekept from the groupchat, of fucking course. Can’t ruin the fun, or whatever Jisung had argued. He’d only gathered trivial tidbits, like how Jeongin thinks half his oomfs hate him and how Hyunjin thinks there’s a Hyunjin-hater-groupchat floating around Blueksy somewhere. He digresses, because he has a degree and can’t be bothered.

Logging back into twitter was a mess, considering the horrific amount of tweets and threats directed at him— paired with the messages begging him to reconsider Minho as a man. Seungmin will do that when hell freezes over. 

It doesn’t help that he already has beef with a ton of fan accounts, considering they’re all waiting for him to livestream his defeat. He sighs and rubs at the redness on his cheeks, wondering how he’s gotten to this point. All of which are the consequences of his own actions. But whatever.

“Hyunjinnie is showing up first!” Jisung says excitedly, grasping at Seungmin’s chilled hands.

“Nickname basis? Didn’t you just start speaking?”

Jisung scrunches his nose. “Internet friendships are deep and interconnected. You wouldn’t get it.”

Seungmin met Jisung on ao3 in 2020. He would , in fact, get it.

His scarf unbundles and he nearly eats shit on the slightly damp concrete, crashing into Jisung instead. He’s ready to ream into him for stopping in the middle of the goddamn walkway when Jisung clamps a hand over his mouth and points. 

There, just feet away from them, is a God. Or alternatively, the really hot model that Seungmin can’t believe cared enough to show up. He doesn’t even know how far the man has flown to get here. Why are there so many oomfs close to him? 

He digresses. Jisung gasps. 

Hyunjin, dressed in a large tan trenchcoat with his shiny blonde-buzzed hair, looks over and gives a friendly wave. Seungmin feels his heart drop to his balls. His Twitter crush is feet away from them, and his Twitter crush also seems to have the hots for his mortal enemy. Time and time again, Seungmin needs to remind himself he has a degree and has touched grass between his fingers.

“Jisung?” The model says, looking down at his phone and squinting. “Oh cool, you’re real.”

Seungmin doesn’t know why these people are so comfortable risking shit. But he. Digresses.

“Oomfie!” Jisung calls, scampering over and leaving a horrified Seungmin in his wake. Hyunjin gives Jisung a gentle hug and looks over, narrowing his eyes at Seungmin’s frozen stature. Realistically, Seungmin doesn’t really know what to do. He’s a popular Twitter account that half-bullies people for fun. But he’s also a struggling broke student that hides behind the persona of a much more egotistical man. He must look pathetic, all powerless without his mighty keyboard and intimidating Strawpage link. Until Hyunjin smiles, and Seungmin’s worries momentarily melt away. 

“And you ,” the model starts. “You must be the first fighter in the ring.” 

The bliss over Hyunjin’s smile immediately fizzles away. Seungmin is reminded that he still has to face the enemy. He slowly makes his way over to join the two, offering an awkward combo of a bow and a handshake. Quick-lipped Seungmin, appearing powerless in front of a bad bitch. 

“Right. About that,” Seungmin starts, looking at Jisung with wide eyes. There’s a moment of silence before Hyunjin doubles over in laughter, his face crinkling into a magnificent expression of joy. He sounds like he probably has a lovely singing voice, too. 

“I know you’re not really going to fight,” Hyunjin says before stopping and whipping around to stare at Jisung. “Unless? Unless he was deadass —”

“I’m not going to fight a blubbering idiot.” Seungmin can barely hold himself back at this point, angrily fixing his scarf. “It is not worth it to waste energy on a man that unironically uses the world ‘dank’ in 2025. So fucking help me god.”

There’s a beat of silence before Hyunjin breaks out into a grin. “There he is.”

“Oomfies!!” Two people call from behind them, causing the three men to turn around. 

It’s the pookies— Jeongin and Felix, arm in arm. They look like bouncing sunflowers in the dreadfully grey day. Seungmin can’t help but crack a smile, despite knowing that Felix is also part of the AlphaMin fan club. 

He’s met up with Jeongin on multiple occasions, doing homework side by side in the quiet libraries. But it’s the first time he’s ever met Felix in person, stunned by his dyed-blonde hair and smattering of freckles all over his cheeks. He’s just as cute and bubbly. 

The pookies are no doubt rocked by Hyunjin’s in-person beauty, peppering him with all kinds of compliments and a ton of questions. Why are you here? Where do you usually model? Do your friends know that you‘re oomfs with a guy who barks on the internet?

Seungmin sits out for most of the conversation, opting to chill on the bench beside them. He’s beginning to think his enemy won’t show up, calming his worries of having to face him at all. That’s right, what would a major internet persona be doing traveling to a university campus to supposedly fight someone? But then again, what the fuck is the model doing there, too?

He’s deep into a Reddit AITA post before there’s a collective gasp coming from the gaggle of oomfs beside him. He rubs the frost away from his cheeks and squints, peering at the looming figure across from them. 

An intimidating presence— an average-sized man with black hair and a large hoodie, his arms outstretched and his smile wide. Seungmin has about two seconds to process what is going on before the stranger opens his mouth.

“What is up my brothers?”

Every single nerve in his body is flaring up, hands curling into immediate fists at the sight of him. Seungmin clenches his teeth together and fights every urge to spew out a series of carefully crafted insults. The enemy makes direct eye contact with him and grins, a sickening, sickening grin.

“Oh. And look who decided to pull up.” Minho says, crossing his hands over his chest. Seungmin is ready to pounce like a cat until Jisung hurriedly grabs his wrists and yanks him over.

“Play nice. Please?” He whisper-panics. 

“I change my mind, I’m going to beat his ass,” Seungmin seethes between his teeth, rising from the bench and trudging his way over to an unassuming AlphaMin.

He ignores the remarks from behind him, the half-concerned shouts of his name as he goes to bundle Minho’s hoodie up in his fists. But something stops him dead in his tracks— something strange, something uncomfortable .

Minho is staring at him with wide eyes, his lips slightly parted and his eyebrows shot up in shock. There’s a bit of blush on his cheeks and his eyelids have a sheen layer of something sparkly. His hair looks slightly fluffy, blowing in all sorts of directions carried by the wind. Even the little gasp that leaves his lips is pretty, followed by a pathetic stumble.

A chilling wave of horror rushes through Seungmin’s system as his hands fall to his sides. 

Oh no, he’s hot.

It’s electric, the way Minho reaches out to grasp Seungmin before he nearly backs up into a protective Jisung, hands wrapping around Seungmin’s wrists like they belong there. Seungmin’s emotions are a mixture of rage and confusion, his head swirling as he looks Minho up and down.

Of course, Minho’s insufferable videos are all over his Twitter. And yes, his horrific and embarrassing selfies are plastered all over the internet. But by god, if he doesn’t do a phenomenal job at covering the beauty. He’s dressed well, too, knowing damn he’s already commanded the presence of the fellow men.

“Oh my god…” Minho’s voice is shockingly small. “You aren’t…. really going to fight me…are you?”

Seungmin’s fury is collapsing inward upon itself, destroyed by the grandiose tremors of a man with beautiful puppy-dog eyes. Seungmin might be a hater through and through, but before any of that comes the inexplicable yearning for gay romance. And he’s melting in the presence of… AlphaMin?

“Please. I uh, I can’t fight,” Minho’s voice is even tinier this time around. Seungmin is left dumbfounded, half-glaring at the man who stands before him while Jisung silently holds back a laugh. 

“You’re not gonna…start unironically using terms from 2012?” Seungmin narrows his eyes and gives Minho a calculated look. He grabs ahold of Jisung’s puffer jacket and drags them both back, as if Minho’s charm is capable of killing them in seconds. The black-haired man lets go of a boisterous laugh, and Seungmin’s insides do another round of backflips. 

“If I was like that all the time, my friends would have left me a long time ago.” He nods his chin in Hyunjin’s direction. “That’s my best friend, by the way.”

Both Seungmin and Jisung snap their heads towards Hyunjin with wide eyes. Then it makes sense. No wonder Hyunjin is just casually in the same area at the same time as Minho. It’s almost comical, the way Model-Hyunjin’s best friend is someone who makes a living being a fool online. 

“So your thirst tweet was calculated?” Jeongin asks, looking up at Hyunjin. “You already knew who he was?” 

“I didn’t mean to tweet it on main. Our friend group likes to poke fun at him on our priv accounts. But I saw the positive response from my followers and just ran with it. My sponsors didn’t really ask questions, anyway.” He looks directly at Seungmin. “I also wasn’t expecting my long-time oomf’s best friend to send him a death threat, but look at us now.”

Seungmin immediately squeezes his eyes shut and covers his face with his hands. “About that. I am…so sorry.” He forces his way through the shame and pulls out his phone, vehemently searching for the very tweet that got them there. “That was wrong of me. Cyberbullying is never okay and I—”

Minho catches his wrist again. “No, don’t delete it. Do you know how hard I laughed?” His eyes smile along with his lips. “Besides, I love pissing people off. It’s Twitter, everything is meant to be unserious.”

Seungmin gulps and nods, slowly sliding his phone away. He can almost feel Jisung’s eyes on him. He takes a deep breath and looks directly at his enemy-turned-crush. “I’m not going to fight you, if that wasn’t evident. But the people of Twitter are gonna be real disappointed.” 

Minho’s lips mischievously curve into a smile. “Is that so?” In seconds, Minho is pulling up the app and forming a tweet that Seungmin can’t quite read. Jisung gets the notification seconds after, immediately squeaking in response. Seungmin looks over his shoulder to peek at his best friend’s phone and nearly loses it.

“You’re giving me way too much credit right now,” Seungmin says, suppressing a laugh. But he goes along with it, sending a follow-up tweet.

The group of boys giggle behind them. “Be careful Seungminnie, the people might actually think you beat the Alpha into a pulp,” Jeongin says. 

Seungmin cringes. “Do not refer to him like that in real life.”

“What? I can’t howl right now?” Minho says, nearly pouting. If it was twenty minutes ago, Seungmin would have gone rabid and required the assistance of Jisung holding him back. Now, he’s feeling rabid for entirely different reasons. 

Minho makes a gutteral noise of sorts, causing the group of men to erupt into a fight of laughter. Seungmin’s own heart betrays him, realizing in defeat that he doesn’t hate the sound of Minho’s attempt to growl.

He’s pissed, actually. 

Minho is hot and sexy. He’s charming and kind, if Seungmin’s misfortune couldn’t get any fucking worse. He knows what Jisung will say the moment they get back to the apartment— teasing just how right he was about the situation. It doesn’t help that Minho seems to stand a bit closer to Seungmin than the others, his presence so close that Seungmin can nearly figure out the top notes of his cologne. 

Oomfchella isn’t particularly interesting past this. Felix and Jeongin are the ones that drive home the questions, eliciting insane lore drops from the two internet micro-celebrities. Hyunjin and Minho are middle school friends that could not have chosen more different routes from one another. And despite having a demanding presence online, Minho genuinely is an engineering student, using the revenue from his content to pay for the majority of his tuition.

It’s difficult to miss— the calmness in which Minho carries himself. Collected, polite, well-spoken. He’s an entire 180 from his Twitter persona, not a single bit of cringe finding itself within their semi-serious conversations. He’s patient with his friends and doesn’t check his phone once, maintaining that same oddly close distance with Seungmin for the extent of their time together.

Seungmin doesn’t even notice the sky getting darker, too enthralled by the way AlphaMin speaks and animates his stories. Felix and Jeongin huddle under an umbrella once a light layer of rain comes down, indicating that the five of them should probably start heading back home. 

He almost misses it— the way Minho slides his body in front of Seungmin’s once the others have turned their backs, slyly holding out a thin sheet of paper. Then he’s smiling, the moon glinting in his eyes as Seungmin takes the paper. Then he’s gone, like the Alpha he is.

Seungmin blinks and reads the note, his heart pounding.

here’s my number. xD

📱

“I told you.”

Seungmin is normally ready to fight back. But this time around, he can’t really say anything to combat this. 

Jisung stares at him with his arms crossed and a satisfying smirk on his lips. “He’s hot, right? I told you!”

Seungmin flops back onto his bed and fights the urge to scream into his pillow. “My life is so hard.”

“Can you swallow your pride just this once? I mean, he gave you his number! You can’t fumble that.”

It’s true. Despite the eyesore of “ xD ,” Seungmin was elated to find that he wasn’t misreading Minho’s strange proximity to him. Maybe it’s the reason he @’d him in the first place? Or why it was so easy for him to meet up with a bunch of online strangers, including Jisung, the man he’d just followed.

He’d sent a single text, waiting patiently for the Alpha to send one back. But he’d waited well over five hours, attending classes and checking his phone every two minutes to see if Minho had replied. For someone that chronically online, Minho sure was a shitty texter. Or maybe Seungmin was just dramatic. 

“I can’t like him. I told him to kill himself,” Seungmin reasons, staring at the ceiling. Jisung uses a spare pillow to whack him in the forehead.

“You have got to stop taking Twitter so seriously. Plus, he found it funny, didn’t he?”

Seungmin straight up ignores him. “I don’t understand. Why is it a character? Why is he doing this to himself? Why on god’s green earth is he hot and sexy?” He groans and checks his phone for the umpteenth time, only for it to come crashing down on his nose. He yelps in frustration, only eliciting a laugh from his best friend.

“The switch-up is crazy .”

Seungmin rubs his nose and glares at Jisung. “This would have been so much easier if he was just as insufferable in real life.”

“You might have actually beat his ass if that was the case,” Jisung counters, rolling his eyes. 

There’s a moment of silence between them as Jisung wordlessly scrolls on his phone, ignoring the looming rain cloud above Seungmin’s head. Until his phone pings— and Seungmin shoots straight up. His breath catches in his throat as he realizes who it is.

insufferable hot guy: erm 

xD

seungmin: no.

insufferable hot guy: point taken.

are you free tonight?

seungmin: im balls deep in like four different assignments but sure why not

insufferable hot guy: should we meet up and conspire our twitter alliance plans?

seungmin: WHAT does that even mean

insufferable hot guy: i have purposefully not tweeted anything in the past 12 hours to create the illusion that the legendary seungminator1 has curb stomped me

seungmin: you are going to get me expelled

insufferable hot guy: >.<

seungmin: ENOUGH. 

insufferable hot guy: sorry.

im serious though. ill even buy you a coffee and give you the strength to get through those awful assignments? 

seungmin: youre deadass arent you

insufferable hot guy: just trying to make friends with the enemy

[ shrugs. ]

/srs

😔😔😔😔😔😔

seungmin: OKAY DAMN

time and place?

i might actually fight you this time though

insufferable hot guy: ill look forward to it : P

Seungmin can feel Jisung breathing down his neck once the conversation between them finally ends, but he doesn't really care. Is he flirting ? With AlphaFuckingMin ? In real time? Is this who he is?

“Oh yeah. He wants you,” Jisung confirms Seungmin’s troubled thoughts. “I think he’s into the bullying, if I’m being honest.”

Seungmin shoots his best friend a glare. “Freak,” he whispers under his breath before looking back at his phone, rereading the messages and slowly coming to the conclusion that Jisung might actually be right on that part. 

“What are you going to tell your beloved followers when The AlphaMin sweeps you off your feet?”

Seungmin clenches his phone between his hands. “I cannot be found out like that.”

“You’re gonna be the perfect ficspo, you know that? The rpfers are gonna go wild for this one.” 

Jisung knows damn well Seungmin has DNI: rpfers in his bio. Not like that stops him from reading rpf (he’s insufferable for being a fake, he knows this much is true). 

Seungmin is appalled by how many people on the internet truly think he rocked Minho’s shit. He’s mentioned multiple times that he’s a creative writing student on main, isn’t that reason enough to believe he can’t fight? And Minho wasn’t lying, he hasn’t tweeted in over 12 hours. The only sign of life is the fateful tweet made when they were together the day before, full of comments asking about his well being. Seungmin even has people in his dms, demanding to know what he’s done with their beloved AlphaMin or if he even met him for real. If he’s being honest, he really should have posted photo evidence that their cringe king was alive and well. 

He’s grateful for the small handful of oomfs that do have some sort of sense, telling everyone they’re idiots for thinking that Seungmin of all people could throw a solid punch. He probably could actually, but he’d no doubt whine about it after. Despite the obvious skit, there’s also the hardcore fan accounts that are clogging up his Neospring with threats of killing his entire family. 

“Oh, by the way, 3RACHA thinks you guys make a really cursed couple. Cute, but really horrific,” Jisung says as a matter of fact.

“Again. Just use their fucking government names, Jisung.”

Jisung ignores him, going back to scrolling on his phone while Seungmin wallows in his misery. 

Minho tells him to meet at the downtown LAN cafe, an easy distance to walk for the both of them. Seungmin can’t help but wonder what he’ll look like this time around— maybe not in a hoodie? What if he considers it more of a date rather than an oomf hangout? He really wonders if he should be meeting up with the guy, anyway.

But he makes his way to the cafe, anyway, dressed in a humble plaid shirt and a pair of washed out jeans. He has to maintain some semblance of nonchalance, especially with how hard he switched up. He almost regrets it, however, when he waltzes into the gaming cafe and sees Minho leaning against the first table, dressed in something significantly nicer.

He’s unrecognizable from his online presence again, his hair neatly styled and his hands shoved into the pockets of an expensive-looking trenchcoat. He’s wearing a black shirt underneath with a pair of dress pants, complete with shoes that look brand new. It’s whiplash, the way that Seungmin can’t seem to comprehend the sheer difference between Minho’s true self, and his persona. 

He feels small for a moment, remembering that he’s an angry college kid that only matters when he’s got a following. He feels insufficiently dressed, too, immediately regretting the decision to appear like he doesn’t see this meeting as a date. 

Minho waves him over once making eye contact, a smile playing on his lips. Seungmin swallows his pride like Jisung told him to and walks over like he isn’t crumbling under Minho’s gaze. 

“Why a LAN cafe?” Seungmin starts. 

Minho shrugs. “I thought it would be kind of fitting. Besides, it was the exact distance between us.” 

Poetic, Seungmin thinks. 

“Are you hungry?” Minho asks, pulling out a chair for Seungmin. Seungmin is delighted by this action, eagerly taking a seat. He shakes his head.

“I already ate.”

Minho nods and looks over the drink menu.

“So why am I here?” Seungmin blurts out, narrowing his eyes. Maybe Minho has underlying intentions— maybe their Twitter beef really does have some sort of substance. He can’t quite compute the inner machinations of Minho’s mind, failing to understand why someone as kind and attractive as him would smear his own image. And from their brief interactions, Minho does slip up time and time again, the cringe unfortunately still running in his blood. 

But he’d be lying if he didn’t find the xD kind of endearing. 

Minho gives him a chuckle. “You don’t trust me?”

“Well, no. We just met.”

Minho leans back and crosses his arms over his chest. “Okay, let’s put it this way. I’m intrigued by the man cyberbullying me. You’re the only large account who was brave enough to say something, too. The pure hatred in your heart…” Minho tapers off, his eyes flickering down to Seungmin’s chest, an undeniable smirk on his lips. “...is kind of hot.”

Seungmin’s eyes are wide open, his fingers gripping his phone with fervor. What. The. Fuck .

Seungmin wishes this was a Twitter interaction, so he could quote-retweet Minho’s insane confession with a series of question marks. Normally, he’s the one spitting fire— coming for people’s throats and having the last laugh. But he’s silent in Minho’s presence, slowly blinking while the other man breaks out into a giggle.

“Was that too forward?”

Seungmin coughs and collects himself, folding his hands on the table. “You’re a freak,” he mumbles under his breath, but there’s no venom in his tone.

Minho grins and rests his chin on his fist, his eyes boring into the center of Seungmin’s core. “I might be. Since I blushed at the guy telling me to die.”

Seungmin squeezes his eyes shut and launches into self defense. “You’re not serious. This is not serious. What if you’re just farming content right now? What if this is a ploy?”

Minho laughs again. “Weren’t you the one telling your best friend to stop being so chronically online?”

Seungmin’s mouth parts. “What is that little shit telling y—”

“Is it a crime for AlphaMin to have a crush on the guy who humbled him on Twitter? That’s all, really. No underlying intentions. Although, I do think we should fuck with everyone a little bit.”

Seungmin closes his mouth and takes a deep breath. Minho is right. What kind of underlying intentions could he possibly have? It’s not like anyone online already takes him seriously, nor does he look like anything else but a fellow graduate student. A grin creeps up onto Seungmin’s face.

“I have to admit, you really had me in the first half.” 

“How so?” Minho raises an eyebrow.

“Frankly speaking, you are insufferable. Or— were, for that matter. Jisung tried convincing me that even if you weren’t a persona, it would still be sexy.” He rolls his eyes. “Maybe I’m just so immersed in internet culture that I forget a lot of it is stupid and fake.”

Minho smirks again. “So, do you agree with him, then?”

Seungmin squints his eyes. “With what?”

“Do you think I’m sexy?”

Seungmin coughs, thrown off by Minho’s forwardness. It’s the only aspect he shares with the AlphaMin persona— honest and straight to the point. He can barely even form thoughts, let alone sentences. He straightens his collar and tries to channel Evil Bitch Twitter Seungmin.

“I call stranger danger.”

“Oh, now you do. But you had no problem meeting up with me yesterday.”

Fuck, he’s too quick with it.

“I should have beat your ass.” 

“I’m giving you blanket consent.”

Seungmin stares at him, unable to do or say anything witty. Minho is smiling at him like he wants to devour him whole, trailing his eyes up and down Seungmin’s frozen body. It’s a bit unnerving, how good he is at being both flirtatious and horrifically unbearable. 

“Okay. You might be a little sexy.”

Minho breaks into a blinding smile. “ Poggers ,” he whispers under his breath.

Seungmin’s face falls, and the murderous intent crawls back into his system. Minho widens his eyes in pure embarrassment.

“I’m sorry. It comes over me sometimes. You can slap me any time it happens.”

Seungmin rubs his temples, recovering from the blow of hearing that word in the year of 2025. If Minho wasn’t ridiculously nice and attractive, he probably wouldn’t be able to put up with it. But he’d also be lying if he didn’t think it was kind of funny. Fuck.

“Moving on,” Seungmin takes a deep breath. “Are you gonna explain why you do this for a living?”

Minho grins. “I send skits to my friends for fun. A few months ago, one of them dared me to post it on TikTok…and it blew up. I couldn’t believe that all I had to do to make money on the internet was pretend to be insufferable.” He pauses for a moment, seemingly in thought. “I’m not gonna lie, I had to give up a lot of pride…but it’s paying back my loans.”

Seungmin purses his lips together. As a man on fellowship, he totally thinks Minho is kind of real for that. 

“I can’t lie, some of it is really fun. People on the internet believe anything you tell them.”

Seungmin nods his head. 

“Your turn. Why are you a hater?”

Seungmin glares, but it’s not serious. “I shared my opinion once when I was like 18 and have been roasting people since. But lately—” He pauses momentarily, weighing the pros and cons of telling this man about his recent breakup. Minho is leaning closer now, his eyes sparkling with anticipation. And Seungmin simply gives in. “Two months ago my ratass ex boyfriend cheated on me with someone he met on Valorant.” 

Minho makes a face of disgust, sucking in a hiss. “On Val? That’s rough.”

Seungmin nods, continuing. “If you could imagine, it made me a little bit more violent than normal. I have to admit, I’ve never told someone to die like that before. I’m totally being honest when I say that is never the right thing to do…but….” he stops, gathering his thoughts. “I kind of assumed you would know it was a joke.”

Minho gently smiles, despite the topic of their conversation. “It wouldn’t be the worst thing someone has said to me. Besides, I caught the vibe. In many ways, I too, need to tell myself to die.”

“My best friends repost you all the time, too. I was getting really sick of seeing your face.” 

Minho can’t help but laugh, a melodious tune that Seungmin can’t believe is coming from the same person that screams and hisses on Twitter. 

“Who are your friends? Besides the ones I met yesterday?”

Seungmin feels himself cringe again. “The rest of 3RACHA.”

Minho stifles a giggle. “Oh? How fun. You should tell them that I only liked their third mixtape. But like, be nice about it.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes. “Don’t tell Jisung that you actually listen to his music, he’s half in love with you.”

Minho shakes his head. “Mm, but I prefer his best friend instead.” Minho flashes his teeth. “I like a challenge.”

Seungmin doesn’t really think he’s much of a challenge, considering how he felt about Minho yesterday vs. how he feels now. But the rush of Minho’s words leaves him feeling breathless, so he doesn’t counter the statement. 

“By the way, do you want something to drink?” Minho asks as Seungmin struggles to collect himself. Seungmin silently nods and refocuses his attention to calming his skittering heartbeat.

Seungmin finds it endearing that Minho is much quieter in real life, his voice a bit smaller when he’s not screaming at the camera. He’s strangely attentive, remembering bits and pieces of Seungmin’s lore, dropped from the day before— and even recalling tweets that Seungmin has long forgotten himself. He’d known who Seungmin was prior to the KillYourselfTodayGate, watching his tweets go viral here and there, but had never interacted with him directly until the fateful threat. 

Minho orders Seungmin a few different desserts, demanding they simply try them together. It’s one of those natural connections, where Seungmin doesn’t feel odd or awkward dropping major lore about his life. Besides, Minho lets him— being both a good listener and someone who knows exactly what to say in response.

Honestly, Seungmin expected Minho’s background to be something crazy and insane. But the reality is, anybody can go viral on the internet, and anybody can pretend to be someone they’re not. It’s strange, the way Seungmin went from wanting to strangle this man in his sleep to wanting to kiss that silly smirk off his lips. But he holds himself back for the time being, knowing that he’s still fresh from a six month relationship and a blow to his Twitter reputation. 

Seungmin learns that Minho is actually fighting for his life on a daily basis, which isn’t too shocking for an engineering student. Being cringe on the internet is the equivalent to Seungmin being a bitch on the internet, so that’s something they can bond about. He also learns that Minho has unironically gained a ton of opportunities from having such a large social presence, including things like invitations to be on major podcasts and collaborations with creators far out of his league. There’s also the downside of knowing that quite a handful of people online are exactly like him— fake, but in the bad kind of ways. 

Seungmin tells him that he really isn’t that mean in real life, and sometimes he reaches out to people he’s ratioed to apologize in a dm. He also tells Minho that 3RACHA are genuinely talented, the three of them having met when they were all rejected from the same kpop company. He gets carried away telling stories, only briefly stopping when Minho mindlessly feeds him pieces of cake and croffles. Seungmin doesn’t question the generous act, only leans into them before continuing on with another insane college lore drop. 

By the time the two of them have gone over the entirety of their backgrounds, Seungmin forgets Minho’s online presence entirely. He also doesn’t notice how late it gets, the LAN cafe rushing to kick the two out just before midnight strikes. Minho pulls his chair out for him like he did the first time around and offers an arm, of which Seungmin gladly takes. 

“I’ll walk you home?” Minho asks.

“Sure. But we should do something first,” Seungmin says, gently nudging Minho’s shoulder. The other looks at him with a curious expression. 

“Here,” Seungmin positions the two for a simple selfie and snaps a photo. “Let’s tell everyone I let you live.” He’s on the verge of posting the photo when Minho stops him.

“Hold on, make it a bit more ominous. Don’t show our faces…keep them guessing.” 

Seungmin’s hearts wells within his chest, realizing the selfie they just took will only be for his eyes only. He gleefully listens to what Minho suggested and proceeds to take a series of concerning photos, all of which entirely block their faces. The dark and cold night doesn’t help either, with Minho asking to take photos of them directly in the middle of the street. Seungmin wonders if he should fuck with the rest of his friends, too, pretending like he’s got the AlphaMin under his jurisdiction, beating the cringe out of his bones. 

By the time they’ve taken at least a hundred photos, they’re laughing over each other in tears. Seungmin scrolls through the photos and runs them by Minho before posting one on twitter with the most sinister caption he can think of. 

Within seconds, his notifications are pouring in with interactions, all of which wondering what the hell went down between the two men— or if the tweet is referring to Minho at all. Seungmin’s lips tug into a smile as he deviously scrolls through the comments, Minho hovering over his shoulder. He can smell his cologne again, a bit fruity and sweet, making him even more attractive if possible.

“How long do you think we can keep this up?” Minho asks, offering his arm again. 

Seungmin takes it and smiles. “As long as you don’t get tired of it.”

Minho knows it’s a bit of a walk to Seungmin’s place, but he doesn’t really seem to care, remaining latched onto him as they begin their journey. 

“I think I won’t get tired of you as long as you don’t run out of ways to humble me.”

“Even your flirting is kind of cringe.”

Minho looks over and gives him the warmest smile Seungmin has ever seen. 

“To be cringe is to be free, my friend.”

And for the first time in a while, Seungmin no longer feels the urge to roast someone on the internet.

📱

Jisung pounds at Seungmin’s door. “You guys are fucking insufferable .”

Seungmin maniacally giggles, ignoring his best friend’s cries before sending out another cryptic tweet. 

Three weeks ago, if you’d told Kim Seungmin that he’d be fraternizing with the man that used the word “ poggers ” on their first unofficial date, he would have pushed you straight off a cliff. 

Granted, he probably still would. 

It was easy for him— both leading his followers into believing he truly beefed with Minho, and slowly falling for Minho’s silly in-person charms. They’d spent a few more nights at the same cafe, giggling away while plotting the most heinous series of coordinated tweets, freaking everyone out and causing their friends to hurriedly text them in confusion. They’d even gotten the pookies in on it, the two people that Twitter naively trusted the most.. 

Seungmin would even admit to being a bit nicer now, learning the lesson that perhaps if some of us met in person rather than online, we might not all be sending each other death threats. But he won’t say this to anyone’s face, especially not to Jisung’s.

Minho does slip up quite often with Seungmin, clamping a panicked hand over his mouth after saying something horrendously cringe as an auto response. But Seungmin finds it a little more effective to just kiss him rather than slap him, which might actually just exacerbate the issue. 

There’s a sigh outside of his door. “At some point, they’re gonna figure out that you caved. And then you’re gonna lose your title of Royal Gay Bitch.” 

Sure, the thought does hurt Seungmin’s pride a little, but the pros of being with Minho outweigh the cons. He spits back. 

“Sorry for taking your man.”

Jisung scowls, but Seungmin ignores it because a text from Minho comes through. Despite the fatigue in his body, the notification gives him a shot of energy. 

insufferable hot guy: check twitter really quick

seungmin: cant i go one minute without being online. i JUST got off twitter

insufferable hot guy: i will once you can go one minute without me

seungmin: its bed time, you know

Despite the attitude, Seungmin is grinning from ear to ear.

insufferable hot guy: [ pouting ] 

kitten please

seungmin: dont make me say it 

i am holding back the urge to tell you to die again. but like, lovingly

insufferable hot guy: OwO

check it. 

Shaking his head, Seungmin hurriedly goes to check Twitter and nearly flings his phone into the doorway. 

insufferable hot guy: i couldnt do it

i couldn’t keep the mystery going

alpha senses were tingling

had to claim you

seungmin: ENOUGH

But he’s losing his mind, fumbling his words while he grapples with the idea of Minho indirectly calling him his boyfriend. And not just that— but the idea that he broke character for him, telling the entire world that the guy who hated him is now his lover. There’s a long stretch of silence as Seungmin slowly comes to his senses, a small grin creeping onto his face as he forms a response.

And then he hits send tweet.