Work Text:
New York Yankees 
@Yankees
Prior to tonight's game, the Yankees made the following roster moves:
• Signed RHP Chuuya Nakahara to a Major League contract and added him to the active roster.
• Transferred RHP Todd Bonzalez to the 60-day injured list.
• Placed RHP Mike Truk on the paternity list.
New York Yankees @Yankees
Nakahara makes his Yankees debut 👊
[A posted graphic of the lineup for the day's game, prominently featuring a headshot picture of a handsome Japanese man with orange hair and blue eyes to the bottom left of the lineup, as well as a photo of the same man mid-pitch wearing an iconic Yankees pinstripe uniform. The lineup, titled TODAY'S LINEUP in all capital letters, reads from top to bottom:
35 Darryl Archideld 1B
60 Raul Chamgerlain LF
13 Dwigt Rortugal RF
51 Tony Smehrik 2B
12 Dean Wesrey SS
77 Willie Dustice C
42 Anatoli Smorin 3B
39 Mario McRlwain CF
6 Chuuya Nakahara RHP
The graphic at the bottom of the lineup shows that the Yankees are set to play a home game against the Los Angeles Dodgers.]
bunnie!! @bunnie_xoxo
idk how the fuck i ended up on baseball twitter but 👀 if they all look this fine i might stay...................
New York Yankees @Yankees
Nakahara's first K in pinstripes 👏
[A video of Chuuya striking out a batter.]
bunnie!! @bunnie_xoxo
no idea what that means but THATS MY MAN RIGHT THERE 🗣️ GET THAT K OR WHATEVER 🗣️🗣️🗣️ WOOOOOOO GO YANKEES 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
bunnie!! @bunnie_xoxo
am i rly about to read the whole mlb rulebook at 1am just so i know whats going on so i can better simp for some guy ive never even met??
[A quoted tweet of the previous tweet, posted six hours later.]
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
yes
[Five minutes after the quoted tweet.]
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
i read the entire mlb rulebook in one night cause i thought some fuckin guy was really hot AMA
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
@Yankees watching my first ever baseball game!!!
[A photo of a television screen with the pre-game show currently playing. There is a coffee table in the picture with a bowl of guacamole and another bowl of tortilla chips on it, with a bottle of Pepsi next to them. The person taking the photograph is not in view, but their hand giving a thumbs-up is.]
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
FIRST AT BAT OF THE GAME IS A HR THATS MY MAAAAAAN LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
NOT THE SUCCESSFUL BUNT??? NOBODY DOING IT LIKE HIM FR FR
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
ANOTHER STEAL??? HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS!!!!!!!
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
i feel like i just did a line of cocaine is this what its like to care about sports
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
1000/10 experience thank god the yankees dont fucking suck or i would be in massive pain trying to stan them just cause i think their pitcher is cute
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
@nkhrchy are u into unemployed fat latina bitches. asking for a friend
New York Yankees @Yankees
There's an unexpected guest for tonight's game 🎤 👀
[A photo of what looks to be a tall woman with long hair in a sequined bodysuit taken in such a way that she looks silhouetted against a concert stage, holding a microphone up at an angle with her head thrown back singing.]
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
TAYLOR SWIFT????????
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
theres no way
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
i will shit my pants in real time if you show me camera footage of miss taylor alison swift on my television screen while im watching the hottest man alive try to pitch another no hitter
hourly dazai pics 
@hourlydazai
DAZAI'S FIRST PUBLIC SIGHTING IN FOUR YEARS!!! DEBUTING A NEW STYLE 👀
[A video of a tall woman with messy, shoulder-length brown hair arriving at Yankees Stadium on a golf cart. She's wearing a modest pair of khakis, a blue button-down with pinstripes on it, a brown vest, and a bolo tie with a blue gem in the middle. She waves at the camera before making a finger-heart gesture and winking as the golf cart drives by.]
"SCHOOLGIRL" OUT NOW GO STREAM @dazaiglazer69
SHE'S GLOWINGGGGGGGG
[A photo of Dazai in one of the private VIP booths at the stadium, arms up and cheering with delight while everyone else in the booth looks disappointed.]
Kaylee @kbeauregard
God, I love hot people.
[Two photos. The first is of Chuuya, mid-swing. The second is of Dazai, performing on stage with long hair and a blue sequined bodysuit.]
New York Yankees @Yankees
Interesting way of showing Nakahara support 😂
[A photo of Dazai in the same VIP booth, frowning and holding up two thumbs down.]
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
that is NOT taylor swift. who the fuck
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
can they STOPPPPPPPPP cutting to the little beanpole bitch we do not care. zoom in on chuuyas ass or smth instead
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
NO HITTER FUCK YEAH THATS MY MAN THATS MY MOTHERFUCKIN MAN RIGHT THERE!!!! ABSOLUTE POWERHOUSE CANNOT BE STOPPED
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
oh my god STOP I DONT CARE ABOUT HER
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
why does she look so upset tho tf. they won????
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
i dont even know who she is why do they think i care about seeing her all the time ughhhhh she can go be weird and cry OFF MY SCREEN
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
whyyyyyy does everyone on this stupid app always post pics of chuuya next to pics of her. if i wanted to see an ugly bitch i would look in the mirror!!!! i dont gaf who she is!!!!
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
hmm
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
no i changed my mind i actually fr dgaf fr i mean it fr for real fr f for r real
Osamu Dazai @dazaiofficial_ENG
Some of you may be aware that last night, Chuuya's team fully swept their three-game series, to my utter shock and dismay. Please allow me the space to grieve in these trying times. 😔
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
SHES SUCH A FREAK I DONT GET HER AT ALL??? WHAT IS HER DAMAGE
val ❤️ @valewie
bunnie are you really subtweeting a pop star
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
a WHO
val ❤️ @valewie
omg pls just google her
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
ugh fine ill brb
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
(comes out of that google search covered in blood) 🧍♀️
val ❤️ @valewie
😭😭😭😭😭
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
in my defense how am i expected to have every flop in the music industry memorized. flopzai
No Longer Brianna @__cutiesamu
ofc the swiftie has some shit to say
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
baby the charts speak for me 💁♀️ sorry your fav is a skinny flop with no ass who couldnt make any noise outside japan
No Longer Brianna @__cutiesamu
maybe you could hear the noise if you weren't a graduate of the tortured ears department 💁♀️ you wouldn't know actual talent if it bit you in the ass but i guess you're entitled to your shit taste at the end of the day
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
whatever u say ugly
New York Yankees @Yankees
Nakahara just keeps racking up the HRs 💥
[A video of Chuuya hitting a home run, bringing the loaded bases in for a grand slam.]
New York Yankees @Yankees
[A looping GIF of a capital "HR" zooming into the screen, going from large to small; then, the view changes to a realistic but cartoony drawing of Chuuya with "NAKAHARA" superimposed on the bottom part of the image in large letters above a rendering of the classic Yankees logo in a blue box with "CHUUYA NAKAHARA" in small white letters in the top right corner of the box. The number "6" is in a mockup of a baseball diamond in the top right corner of the screen. Lastly, the Yankees N/Y combination logo comes onto the screen.]
New York Yankees @Yankees
How 'bout another?
[The same looping GIF again.]
New York Yankees @Yankees
Rookie Nakahara for the threepeat ⁉️
[The same looping GIF for a third time.]
Osamu Dazai
We need to ban the torpedo bats... You're going to give people the impression that Chuuya is a good baseball player. We can't have that!
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
she pisses me offfffff girl shut your khia ass up nobody likes you 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 TOMATO ATTACK 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
wait
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
torpedo WHATS
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
☹️
[142 consecutive retweets of pictures of Taylor Swift.]
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
flopzai trying to steal waglors nachos but she will never have the style the panache the face card the body card the talent the vision
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
she needs to leave chuuya ALONE
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
he probably doesnt even know who she is like this is majorrrrr stalking behavior tbh....... like girl why are u coming all the way to nyc from fuckin japan just to watch some guy play baseball?? weirdo!!!
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
keep trying to get wikipedia to add a section about being a menace to society to flopzais wiki page but they keep ignoring me
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
man if it wasnt bad enough having to watch my team lose, here espn goes with this bullshit again of making me look at khiasamu flopzai every ten seconds
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
im being so fr what does she even do here. shes barely famous and spends all her time being annoying and putting chuuya down like why are you here go home unless you want to support the team UGHHHHHH
Emmy ⚾️ @Emmy_bear18
I'd like to thank the Yankees for letting Zach Gallen dog walk them today so we can finally put the "torpedo bats" story to rest
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
alright great show guys next time lets try hitting the ball and see if that gets us anywhere
Chuuya @nkhrchy
Not my proudest work.
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
its ok king youre still sexy as hell
hourly dazai pics @hourlydazai
[An older selfie photo of Dazai at the beach at sunset with Chuuya in the background looking out over the ocean, seemingly unaware the photo is being taken. Dazai is pretending to squish him between her fingers.]
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
GET A JOB
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
STAY AWAY FROM HIM
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
i dont even know where she came from like nobody online can tell me
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
not fansites not wikipedia not google. she just showed up one day and became famous and nobody even knows who she is
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
i cant tell if shes his stalker or his really shitty bitchy girlfriend that he lowkey kinda hates but puts up with because hes too nice to tell her off but someone should really get to the bottom of this ‼️
accidental baseball fan @bunnie_xoxo
not me tho yall stay safe i have better things to do than play wagatha christie over some wannabe flop idol
[One hour after previous tweets.]
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
🤡
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
i should stop telling jokes bc this always happens
Daily ChuuZai @chuuyadazaidaily
Musical duo 💞
[A video of Chuuya and Dazai in a recording studio together from a few years ago before Dazai cut her hair for her comeback. Chuuya is playing the guitar and singing along with Dazai.]
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
HE CAN PLAY THE GUITAR?????? AND SING????????????? 😩💦💦💦💦💦💦
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
and i guess flopzai doesnt sound like TOTAL shit. chuuyas definitely hard carrying though its time for him to get a recording deal of his own
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
i still dont trust her
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
something about those eyes.......... they know too much 🤨
New York Yankees @Yankees
Rookie's #1 fan ☝️
[Two photos. One is of Chuuya on the field looking dead serious, putting his middle finger up in the direction of the VIP booth. The other is of Dazai in the VIP booth, returning it with a middle finger of her own, grinning.]
Osamu Dazai @dazaiofficial_ENG
Should Chuuya be banned from the MLB for being so short his strike zone is impossible to hit?
Yes ██████████████████ 100%
No 0%
1 Vote - Final Results
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
google translate is doing a lotta heavy lifting cause everything i can find is in japanese but it seems like theyve known each other for a really long time?? i think they went to high school together or something so shes probably not a stalker
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
unless shes a really really bad one or chuuyas just way too nice
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
but from what i can tell shes been in the game a while but only blew up after she took four years off for some mysterious reason and recently came back w a new look and attitude
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
she will NEVER be rep era taylor
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
i guess i kinda get it tho........... id be a massive hypocrite if i gave her too much shit for what was prob a mental breakdown or other personal stuff based on some of the cryptic shit shes said in the few interviews she did
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
why she gotta act like that tho
Daily ChuuZai @chuuyadazaidaily
Voted most handsome couple 2025
[A photo of Chuuya and Dazai out in the city at night. Chuuya is wearing a well-fitted pair of dress slacks with a red silk dress shirt, top two buttons undone with the sleeves pushed up over his forearms; Dazai is wearing a pair of loose, flared chinos and a matching red dress shirt with a black tie. They're holding hands.]
CHUUYA IS MY DADDY @daddyharachuuchuu
█ ████ ██████ ██ ████ ██ █████ █ █████ ███ ███████ ███ ████ █ ████ ███ ██ █████ ██ ██ ████ ███ ███ █████ ██ ███ ██ ██ ████ █ ████ ██ ███ ███ ████ █ ████ ███ ██ ██ ██ ███ ████ █████ *
[The previous photo, cropped to only show Chuuya.]
*[TWEET HAS BEEN REDACTED TO KEEP THIS STORY AT AN APPROPRIATE RATING]
hourly dazai pics @hourlydazai
🥺🤲 one chance ma'am please just one
[Original photo, but cropped to only show Dazai.]
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
ok i gotta admit she has that shit on
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
chuuya wore it better tho do NOT get it twisted
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
streets are saying chuuya isnt playing tonight. what the FUCK is the point then
Osamu Dazai @dazaiofficial_ENG
[POV photo of Dazai flipping Chuuya off as he flips her off back. His right arm is in a sling.]
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
wtf did you do to him
New York Yankees @Yankees
Prior to tonight's game, the Yankees made the following roster moves:
• Transferred RHP Chuuya Nakahara to the 60-day injured list.
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
THIS IS THE BAD TIMELINE
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
NOOOOOO THEY GOT MY GOAT 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
that bastardous rotator cuff............. flopzai you will live to see another day but my suspicions of you are not yet quelled!!!!
Chuuya @nkhrchy
Ready to get back out there.
[A photo of Chuuya doing physical therapy.]
Daily ChuuZai @chuuyadazaidaily
💋💋
[Two photos. The first is Chuuya yanking Dazai down with a hand behind her neck to kiss her on the field following a victory for the Yomiuri Giants during his time playing for them as she looks surprised, and the second is her relaxing and smiling into the kiss.]
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
oh
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
theyre lowkey kinda cute tbh
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
😔
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
wagatha christie has finished unraveling the mystery btw
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
and i GUESS!!!!! theyre dating or whatever and shes not a stalker
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
plus they seem happy maybe
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
idk everything i found out about them makes it seem like theyve kinda always been there for each other and whatever theyre doing is probably forever so like congrats on your stupid ugly girlfriend chuuya. really im happy for you
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
i just dont understand the hater thing. if i had a bf that looked like that i would stare into his eyes every day and say "whatever you say beautiful" and support him in everything he does but thats just ME 🤷♀️
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
i hate that some of her songs are certified bangers bc why is this shit on my playlist all of a sudden
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
but its not BAD............ and i heard she was gonna do english versions of her old albums so that could be fun
WAGATHA CHRISTIE 🔎 @bunnie_xoxo
and i guess if she goes on tour..... and hits the states........... idk. maybe!!!! thats all im saying!!!!!! stream #TTPD for clear skin
[Quote retweet of the first post in the previous thread, timestamped at 11 in the morning the next day.]
growth (bunnie's version) 🌱 @bunnie_xoxo
i am no longer mentally ill
growth (bunnie's version) 🌱 @bunnie_xoxo
in the biz they call that personal growth and development but i like to call it the girls that get it get it and the girls that dont dont
growth (bunnie's version) 🌱 @bunnie_xoxo
THAT SAID. girl why are u so fuckin annoying i still cant figure it out and its going to kill me forever
growth (bunnie's version) 🌱 @bunnie_xoxo
WHY IS SHE LIKING MY TWEETS. HELLO????????
growth (bunnie's version) 🌱 @bunnie_xoxo
MAAM
growth (bunnie's version) 🌱 @bunnie_xoxo
WHAT ARE U DOING HERE HOW DID U FIND ME
growth (bunnie's version) 🌱 @bunnie_xoxo
GIRL STOP RTING ALL MY CHUUYA THIRST POSTS HES GONNA SEE
[Quote retweet of the previous tweet.]
Osamu Dazai @dazaiofficial_ENG
Kindred spirits. 😉
growth (bunnie's version) 🌱 @bunnie_xoxo
my life is over