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Trafalgar Law couldn't believe what he just read, so he read the news article again.
"A Recipe for Disaster?
by Big News Morgans
Rumors have been bubbling up from the Grand Line that the Mugiwara have a new "unofficial" Captain. The Straw Hat Cook and Monkey D. Luffy have been linked romantically ever since the mysterious wedding disaster on Whole Cake Island. Gossip columnists initially dismissed these rumors. Sanji Vinsmoke has quite a reputation for appreciating women, whether they appreciate that attention back was covered in our September issue. And Captain Luffy is viewed by many as too dimwitted and childlike to even understand romance or dating.
However, we have irrefutable proof that the Cook and Captain are officially dating and it is causing no end of problems for the Straw Hats. Sanji Vinsmoke's family background, his extraordinary intelligence, and his fiery temper have many questioning who is actually making decisions for the pirate crew. Given Monkey D. Luffy's infamous and immature behavior over the years, some are questioning his status as one of the Four Emperors, despite his overwhelming powers.
From one source who wished to remain anonymous: "Just like Edward Weevil and Charlotte Linlin, there are idiots with immense strength and power. It happens and it's scary when it does. But what's way scarier is when someone who's smart gets their hooks into them and uses them. This is exactly what is going on with the Straw Hats. Luffy asks mermaids and skeletons if they poop. He's a fucking child. What kind of grown man dates a child? Either he's a pervert or he's using him for power."
A Marine Officer, who also did not want to be named stated: "My money is on it being a Vinsmoke plot. Those assholes are sick enough to do something like this. Mentally, Luffy is fourteen years old on a good day but honestly he's more like a twelve year old. Even to try and take over the world, would you sleep with a twelve year old? Fucking sick. We have no doubt that the Vinsmoke chef is pulling the strings now."
Our sources heard rumors, but were unable to confirm that Red Haired Shanks, former mentor of "Captain" Monkey D. Luffy, is navigating a course to intervene with The Thousand Sunny. We will update this story as we get more information."
Law knew Big News Morgan loved scandals and trying to manipulate situations. True, Luffy was an idiot savant when it came to emotions - sometimes. But an idiot savant was still an idiot. He needed to talk with one of the Straw Hats and find out if there was any truth to these rumors. He had a den den mushi on board the Sunny.
The den den mushi rang twice before the little snail changed into a familiar face.
"Law, is there anything wrong?" asked the Straw Hat first mate.
"I should be asking you that. I just read the newspaper," replied Law.
"Shit," swore Zoro. "You and everybody else. The shit cook and Luffy have been holed up in the kitchen all morning. We're the laughingstock of the Grand Line now."
"Do you think Judge is behind this?" Law asked. He didn't want to beat around the bush. If the Vinsmokes were manipulating one of the Four Emperors, something drastic would have to be done.
"No. I think the pervert cook is just a pervert. And I think Luffy gives him lots of compliments all the time and the shit cook needs them. He's all messed up from his fucking family. He doesn't know how to fix his own ego without attention from other people," Zoro answered.
"That's a pretty smart answer," Law said, impressed.
"I'm not smart. I've just been around the guy long enough to know how he ticks," rebuffed Zoro.
"Luffy's got the brain of a kid. It's weird and I'm sorry to say, it's wrong. What could they even talk about? Their favorite books? Deep and thoughtful discussions about current political events? Or maybe they'll just theorize on whether werewolves pull down their pants to poop in the woods?" demanded Law.
"So far, it's just the cook feeding Luffy and Luffy complimenting the cook. And the other stuff they do," Zoro blushed as he answered.
"And you're comfortable with this?" demanded Law. Ever since Sabaody Archipelago when Law heard about Zoro carrying the injured man to the medical office, Law had formed a real respect for the first mate. The first mate let his actions speak for themselves. It was part of the reason he didn't switch out Zoro's body with any one else's on Punk Hazard. He really enjoyed the first mate's company on their journey to Wano. If he had to pick just one of the Straw Hats to join his crew, it would be Zoro. Robin's work with Dragon divided her loyalties, otherwise she would also be a choice. As a practical matter, Chopper was too soft hearted for his crew.
"To be honest, I'm not comfortable with it," Zoro answered reluctantly. "Luffy has never liked going against his friends. He's definitely not going to like making decisions against his boyfriend."
"Nope," answered Law.
"I told Luffy that if he ever did anything to go against my dreams, we would be through. I'm starting to think this might be it," Zoro continued.
"You can't tell someone to choose you or their boyfriend," pushed Law.
"No," said Zoro quietly.
Neither one of them spoke. There was several moments of silence and Law felt a small bit of hope start to kindle. He didn't want to get too excited but then the quiet was broken by Zoro.
"Do you still have my old bunk?"
"Yeah. Just send me your coordinates," replied Law, feeling something strange happening to his face.
It was a smile. Today had turned out to be a good one after all.