Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I'm pretty sure a majority of you are familiar with the latest update of Phighting lore, especially regarding Playground's environment and "hierarchy/political system". This will cause a medium-sized issue because of how this fic was written--specifically when it comes to the described environment.

I have 3 options to choose from here:

1) Clarify that this fic was written pre-Playground lore update for newer readers to be prepared for its inaccurate portrayals, which would be the easier route since I had planned the general direction of this fic since last year.

2) Completely rewrite this fic from scratch, so I can challenge myself to have the themes of this fic be as accurate to the lore and characterization of canon Phighting as possible. Do note that I write these fics for self-indulgence and challenge, since I basically stretch aspects of my writing skills to better my actual writing for my jobs/work. Some of you may have seen how I utilize my knowledge on symbolism, hahah. The large issue with this is that this will junk most of my plans that have my favorite narrative tropes and the psycho-philosophical character studies planned and written for this fic, so this fic will become less self-indulgent. Whiiiiiich might bore me too much and make me less tempted to update this fic as often as possible.

3) Heavily edit aspects of each chapter to match canon lore as much as possible, while keeping some core aspects of these characters, such as Coil, Skateboard, and Ghostwalker's dialogues. I'm still a firm believer that Ghostwalker would find some interest in Baluri, but I feel that it is less empathetic and more of a morbid curiosity.

Despite the possible heavy changes in this fanfiction and the challenge it may bring, I genuinely find the new lore FASCINATING! Especially when we consider the inhumane and detached aspect of the SFOTH deities, the way it varies between characters, and the consequences it inherently brings. Which ALSO makes Baluri's struggle to stay hidden have higher stakes and plays REALLY WELL with the message I put out with Baluri's controversial existence. 

Now for the confession about how updates on this fic will go, and why I often have long hiatuses from all of my fics:

A few of you may have been aware that I was working on thesis, or have already finished it. The hiatus became longer because of my recently finished internship and my somewhat-volatile state of health--physical, mental, and emotional, lmao. I often get sick because my body tends to ignore its pain and alarm systems as a leftover effect from my recently discovered PTSD--possibly c-PTSD or a similar branch.

This especially happens when I have important projects to work on. I have a really shitty tendency to hyperfocus on my work to the point where I forget that I need rest, food, and attend to intense pain/stress resulting from whatever injuries or illnesses I was unable to notice. I also fail at noticing the amount of stress that my body goes through and how "unfair" my circumstances are (my friends' words about my internship, LMAO.) Hence, why updates take longer even though I now have a longer break.

Buuuuuuut this fic may have more additional chapters after the potential edit/rewrite, or I may just go straight into adding more chapters and ignoring the recently added lore. I'd be dissatisfied with ignoring the new lore, though. Mmmmmm the pitfalls of elitism.

I still have to take it easy, though, and give my body enough time to recover AND familiarize myself with pain so I don't end up ignoring anything potentially fatal. I'm hoping that I can finally roam around malls and commute without needing several days of rest once the day is finished. Also, I really want to finish reading all of these classic horror novels.

Tell me your suggestions on what I should do with this fic. I do not want to abandon it since Baluri is honestly my favorite Phighting OC.

Now for the rambles/tidbits, as you are all waiting for the next updates:

• I honestly think Baluri has some similar narratives with Frankenstein's monster--newly discovered, horrifying sentience built from remnants of different people's past (The Monster being an amalgamation of different dismantled corpses, Baluri being an amalgamation of 2 different souls whose memories start to create a new sentience within a metal body.)
  • They crave true sentience and longing, but the difference is that while The Monster craves companionship, Baluri resigns and wants to accept isolation no matter how much the world refuses to give it to him.
  • They also differ in how people perceive them: While The Monster is seen as a horrifying abomination that turns cruel from heartache and severe incompetent neglect (despite The Monster being made from perfect parts), Baluri is seen as a wonder to be gawked at and studied with the published chapters so far--for better or worse, and rarely ever as a true living being but rather as a potential product to use. 
• Amilio likes alternative fashion--specifically a couple types of gothic fashion. Carbaret, trad, vampiric, military, corporate--whichever is black and has a theme of rebelling.
  • He also likes to play up the edginess to make people cringe purposefully. These memories cause Baluri to cringe and wish it could expunge Amilio's memories. Apparently, Amilio's antics still has its intended effects in the afterlife.
  • Baluri, however, would be into a different type of alternative-wear: Full-coverage tech-wear mixed in with the jewelry of Lost Temple and cloth patterns that seem to be from the sub-regional tribes of Thieve's Den (Amilio is indigenous South East Asian and despite the cringe, Baluri finds the patterns and history of Amilio's tribe fascinating.)
• If Amilio and Baluri were ever properly to know and interact with each other, Baluri would outwardly hate Amilio because the human is often non-serious, and purposefully "dumbs" himself down while playing into other people's expectations to deceive them into spilling their secrets. Baluri knows that Amilio doesn't use it for genuine malice (Amilio uses this tactic to essentially find the safest and most effective way to help people, for better or worse), but the one thing Baluri HATES despite doing it himself, is not having the opportunity to be genuine. 
  • Amilio knows that Baluri is unsettled by how different Amilio's intentions and actions are, and uses it to ragebait it. Despite having Amilio's memories and being a hyper-calculative robot, Amilio is still unpredictable to Baluri. 
• Baluri's favorite type of music changes frequently, Like Amilio. However, Baluri often frequents songs with dirty electric string riffs/lines. Think of Muse, Des Rocs, CRX, Radiohead, and Nirvana. Meanwhile, Amilio frequents folk punk/folk music in general like Hozier, Yaelokre, and Florence + The Machines. 
  • Amilio's theme song is And The Hound (Reprise) by Yaelokre, while Baluri's theme song is It Ripped Your Heart Out by Dirt Poor Robins
• Crystal Spellbook, the Inphernal that died and whose soul is contained and trapped into his gear, still has their backstory in the works. They also go by He/They.
  • Crystal Spellbook was soft-hearted in the beginning, and utterly vengeful yet fearful by the time he dies. He bonded with Baluri and defied the impossible not just because he wants his death to be avenged, but because he never wants anyone including himself to ever be weaponized again.
  • Baluri doesn't know how Crystal Spellbook actually feels about him, but he assumes that Crystal Spellbook dislikes the fact that he is technically part of the very entities that killed Crystal Spellbook. Crystal Spellbook actually pities Baluri, but also finds selfish satisfaction in being able to enact retribution with one of Subspace's creations.
  • If Crystal Spellbook and Amilio were to ever actually meet, it would be a competition on who adopts whom first. Like 2 dogs trying to show their dominance against each other, but in a parental way mixed in with too much self-pride. 
    • Crystal Spellbook would find humans too fragile and pathetic if he were to ever learn about them, much like any other inphernal would. However, he would be impressed by Amilio's tactics and his absurdly high pain tolerance despite how fragile Amilio is. It's like watching what is supposed to be a normal cat walking off after being run over by a truck and shot 3 times. Limping and not breathing right, but still standing and moving with a determined look on its face--like it doesn't know that its supposed to be dead.
• Amilio, for both human and Inphernal standards, has an unsettling smile when exhausted and under immense bodily strain that he couldn't truly feel. He doesn't notice it. His eyes look empty in this state because he heavily dissociates while somehow still being present enough to do whatever task is needed.
  • Amilio has friends. And those friends never want to see that look on his face ever again. But they could never wipe it off, and don't have the heart to by the time his life ends.
• Amilio is not the only one who "reincarnated" from his world.
• The trope that I admittedly noticed is common, which is Vauschen's deity-like office workers that handle reincarnators, is not a thing in this fic. I will also not give any hints on what the deal is with Amilio's afterlife, and why Baluri has his memories, until much later.
• Magic exists in Amilio's original world. But it's not obvious, and is a lot more subtle and a lot less showy in the "physical realm". 
  • Amilio's original "abilities" basically influence the story throughout.
    • Amilio hated his "abilities."
    • Baluri hates it, too
• Amilio loves to hope, but breaks promises no matter how hard he tries to fulfill them. Baluri refuses to hope and forces himself to see the reality to calculate how he'll adjust, but he will only make promises that he can keep, and therefore promises very sparingly. 
  • Baluri fears that he will die unsatisfied due to broken promises. And so he will latch onto life no matter how broken its metal shell is until that promise is fulfilled.
• Baluri sincerely hopes that he never has an afterlife that Amilio's world perceives it to be.
  • Baluri is also conflicted on whether he wants to be reincarnated as an Inphernal or not. Doesn't even know if it's possible, nor if it's still allowed.
    • He hopes that by the time the mission is finished, Crystal Spellbook will finally reincarnate without Baluri's soul--that he finds freedom in a renewed existence.
      • Crystal Spellbook, if he were to know and realize this, will cling to Baluri and never let go by the time Baluri's time ends. If he had a body, he would dig his claws into Baluri's dying metal shell if he had to. 
        • He doesn't need a living body to cling to another. His selfishness will defy everything it can, as he has done before. And Crystal Spellbook will never regret either of these events.
          • He refuses to let Baluri die. He won't let him, even after Baluri's mission is finished.
            • "Let me be selfish, just this once. Let me keep this sorry scrap of metal live. Let me see through his eyes. Let me hear his thoughts. Let me witness his growth, and mine alongside it. I will even puppet him if I must."
              • If Amilio were to witness and hear this, it would be the first and last time he would ever want to obliterate a soul. And this time, on purpose. 
• Amilio hates puppets. He hopes to never see them in his reflection. Never again.
  • Baluri is not a puppet.