Chapter Text
February: Valentine Caper (Part 2)
Sunday Harry invited Tim over so they could prepare their Valentines. They spent about half an hour in the breakfast nook writing names on the generic ones from the lists their teachers gave them. Each of their teachers got one, too. Harry also inserted his lollipops into the slots on his, and put all of them in a big plastic bag to keep them together. Harry was really hoping Mr. Sullivan tried the lollipop during the party, because of all his teachers, his history teacher deserved it the most. He’d hated Harry since day one. Then they got out the real craft supplies, and spent the next two hours making the special ones for the people they actually cared about. Alfred ran interference while he began preparations for Sunday dinner, so no one could see what they were working on.
Harry worked very hard to make a full-sized, fully decorated Valentine each for Jason, Dick, and Steph. All three Harry absolutely covered in glitter. Steph and Dick would love it; Jason would be horrified, which would be funny. Bruce and Alfred got half-sized ones, with no glitter at all. Except for a bit by accident when the glue bottle dripped and then glitter from the table got on it.
Harry also made a half-sized one for Barbara, with just a little glitter. She came over for dinner sometimes, and she was always nice to him. She would be over again that night once Dick got back, too, so Harry could give it to her then.
Discreetly, Harry worked on one for Tim, too, even though his twin was right next to him. He used Robin colors and lots of green glitter and wrote a nice note on the inside while Tim was in the bathroom. Then he hid it and was putting the finishing touches on Steph’s when Tim got back.
An hour before dinner, Alfred instructed them to clean up and put everything away. So they did. The Valentines that were still wet Alfred directed them to set on the windowsill. Then they put all the crafting supplies away in the cabinet in the drawing room and wiped the table down. There were still traces of glitter that just wouldn’t go away, but Alfred told them it was fine and to run along and clean up before the meal.
Tim blinked owlishly. “I’m invited?”
“Duh!” Harry poked him in the ribs. “You’re our brother; of course you can come to Sunday dinner!”
Tim flushed a little in pleasure and hurried after Harry to obey.
***
Dick loved the pranked Valentine, and even ate both cookies and the entire lollipop! Barbara loved hers, too, and thanked Harry with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then it was time for bed, and then it was Valentines’ Day!
Armed with a large bakery box of (pranked) cookies and all his (pranked) Valentines, Harry took a deep breath and headed into school. Alfred, who was dropping him off, wished him a Happy Valentine’s day and good luck. With a wink!
Right then and there, Harry decided that Alfred was officially his favorite adult ever. Harry offered a big grin in thanks (because his hands were too full to wave), then he all but skipped up the sidewalk to the entrance. Then he made his way to his classroom, equal parts excited and terrified. Two years ago, he never would have dared anything like this. And a year ago he didn’t have the resources to do anything more than survive. In fact, if Harry remembered the day correctly, he and Jason had spent last Valentines’ Day hiding out at Tim’s house, Harry with a high fever, awful body aches, and a sore throat because he’d caught Jason’s flu. Jason had risked the trip across town so Harry could recover somewhere warm with ample food available.
Harry shook off those memories and stashed the box of cookies in his cubby above his backpack, then headed to his seat. Mr. Aldmin had a bunch of Valentines Day word puzzles set out for them to work on during down time, so Harry picked a crossword and a word search. Then he sat down with a green highlighter and a red, glittery gel pen Steph had given him after Harry had made the unwise comment that the sparkly ink looked like vampire blood, because of that new vampire book that had just come out. (Jason had read it and said it sucked.)
Speaking of Steph. She joined Harry at their table with a grin.
“Heya, Harrikins! Ready to laugh at Saint Valentine?”
“Yep,” Harry agreed with an answering smirk.
Steph narrowed her eyes. “I know that face. That’s your scheming face. What did you do?”
Harry’s smirk widened. “You’ll just have to wait and see,” he said in a sing-song voice.
“Aw, come on! I’m your best friend! Don’t I get a sneak peak?”
Harry shook his head. “Nope!” Steph would love the prank; he wasn’t going to spoil it for her!
Steph narrowed her eyes. “Very well. You try my patience, sir knight, but I shall endure.”
Harry grinned and went back to his puzzle. Steph immediately started helping him—or pretending to help, anyway. She was good at puzzles like this; she just thought they were dumb.
Soon after, once everyone had arrived, Mr. Aldmin gave them the run-down for the activities of the day. They wouldn’t be switching classes that day, or be having regular lessons. Mr. Aldmin gave them a short history lesson on the origin of Valentines’ Day, then gave them the rest of the first period before morning break to decorate paper bags to collect their Valentines in. Steph absolutely covered hers in glitter, while Harry kept it tame.
Then Steph showed Harry a cool trick she’d learned over the weekend. She folded an ordinary piece of paper into a cube, then filled it with purple glitter. Then, when Mr. Aldmin wasn’t looking, she threw it right at Alexander. It hit him on the side of the head and basically exploded all over him, getting glitter all over his hair and clothes and onto his Valentines bag.
Predictably, he pitched a fit. But the “glitter bomb” now just looked like a crumpled piece of paper, and there was glitter on everyone’s tables. So there was no proof as to what Steph had done. Harry and Steph did their best to stifle their snickers as Mr. Aldmin told off Alex’s group about the proper use of glitter and other classroom materials. Harry also noticed a few other kids trying not to laugh, and his grin got a little bigger. Because Alexander didn’t just pick on Harry; he picked on half the boys in the class, and he bothered the girls by trying to flirt, which just meant he made unnecessary and awkward comments on their clothes, hair, or other features paired with what he probably thought was a winning smile and a wink. (It very much was not.)
“Can you teach me how to do that?” Harry asked in an undertone. “I wanna prank Jason again. And maybe Dick, too.”
“Do you swear not to use it against me?” Steph said, fake-threatening.
“Nope. I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” Harry teased.
Steph grinned. “Good answer. Here, it’s like this…” She went off into an explanation of how exactly to fold the paper, how to get just the right amount of glitter, and a dozen other things that would make the perfect glitter bomb. Harry tried and failed half a dozen times before he got it right. Then he set the finished product aside, hiding a grin and planning to nail Steph with it during the class party later.
After morning break, they cleaned up all their supplies and set up their Valentines bags on their desks, with their names clearly written on each one. Then they were given half an hour to distribute their cards.
Harry hid his smile as he went around, ensuring each card went to the right person and eagerly awaiting the moment one of them tried the lollipops (against instructions—they weren’t allowed to go through their Valentines until the party) and were caught by the prank.
When he got back to his desk, he withdrew Steph’s (ordinary) card—his last one—and deposited it into her bag with a flourish. Then he winked.
“I’ve got a better card for you, too; I’ll give it to you at lunch,” he said quietly.
“Aw, Sir Harrikins, you’re too kind,” Steph said, fanning her face and pretending to blush. Then she grinned. “Though I do, too. These generic ones are dumb, and my dashing knights deserve much better than store-bought platitudes.”
Harry grinned, feeling warm inside at the knowledge that someone had made a card just for him.
The last half-hour before lunch, Mr. Aldmin reviewed one of their most recent math lessons using candy hearts instead of plastic blocks. Then he instructed them to get ready for lunch, then they’d have recess and be back in the cafeteria for the party. They were also told to leave any food or treats they’d brought for the party on their desk, clearly labeled with their names, and the teachers not supervising recess would set up the cafeteria.
So Harry put his box of cookies on his desk, next to the two cartons of strawberries Steph had brought with a wink at Harry. Then they got their lunchboxes and joined the line for the cafeteria.
Tim met them in their usual spot, his eyes bright as he chirped a greeting. Harry first gave him a paper bag with a proper lunch in it, with a stern look.
“Alfred says Happy Valentine’s Day. So you can’t say no,” Harry said pointedly.
Tim smiled sheepishly and accepted the bag. “Thanks,” he said shyly.
“And I also say Happy Valentine’s Day,” Harry continued, dramatically presenting Tim with his paper Valentine.
Tim accepted it with a grin, hesitated, then grabbed Harry in a quick hug. “Thanks, twin,” he said.
Harry grinned back. “You’re welcome, twin.”
Then Harry dropped to one knee and grinned as he presented Steph with hers. “For you, fine lady. Will you be my Valentine?”
Steph giggled and accepted the purple, glitter-encrusted paper with great ceremony. “I accept, sir knight.” She bit her lip, then quickly leaned in and gave Harry a swift kiss on the cheek. “Thanks,” she said quietly.
Harry felt his cheeks turn red. Tim laughed at him. Harry elbowed him in retaliation.
Steph laughed and gave Harry and Tim their proper cards. Both were covered in an excessive amount of silver and pink glitter, with a picture of a cartoon knight buried beneath all the sparkles. That made all of them laugh. Then Tim shyly handed Steph his card, and it was Harry’s turn to laugh as Steph kissed his cheek, too, making Tim turn bright pink.
Finally, ceremony over, they sat properly and started working their way through their lunches. Harry withdrew the bag of homemade hard candy Alfred had given him and set it out for them to share, quietly admitting he’d made it himself, but it wasn’t any fun eating candy alone.
That admission got Harry squished in a big hug between Tim and Steph, and they were more than eager to help him eat it.
Then Steph froze. “Wait. Does this have anything to do with the lollipops you passed out to the class? Because those weren’t branded wrappers.”
Harry gave a shy smile, trying not to grin too big. “Yeah. I made those, too. But we had lots of leftovers, so we made regular candy with it.” He gestured to the bag of hard candy.
Steph choked on a piece of candy. “You made lollipops? For the whole class? But you hate like everyone but me.”
“Yeah. I do.”
Steph opened her mouth, then closed it, her eyes narrowing. “You did something to them, didn’t you?”
“He did buy cinnamon jawbreakers when we went shopping for candy last week,” Tim said with a shrug. “But then again, he’s also weird and actually likes that stuff, so…I dunno.”
Steph gave Harry a calculating look. Harry did his very best to keep a straight face and just took another bite of his sandwich.
“Yours is gonna be the very first one I eat,” she finally said. “I hope you know that.”
Harry shrugged.
Conversation moved on to Harry describing the process of making hard candy, because now that the idea was in her head, Steph wanted to know everything. Harry left out the specifics of making the lollipops, but he gladly explained everything else.
Soon enough it was time for recess, and then they were back in the cafeteria for the party. The place was decorated with colorful streamers and heart posters, and the whole thing had Harry fake-gagging at all the pink and the white and the frills. The food looked really good, though. Even though they’d just had lunch, there were little sandwiches, fruit—including Steph’s strawberries—and chips. There were also juice pouches and big bottles of soda, and so much sugar. Cookies, cakes, brownies, and candies of all kinds. Alfred would have gone nuts at seeing so much junk food all in one place.
Before they could eat, though, the adults—their four teachers, plus half a dozen parents acting as chaperones and assistants—laid out the rules. Then, finally, they got to line up for treats and spread out. On each table were more Valentines’ Day puzzles, activities, and coloring sheets, so there was plenty to do if they got bored of eating and talking to each other.
Harry moved quickly through the line, taking mostly fruit as well as two of his own cookies, a couple of brownies, and a slice of cake along with a juice pouch and a cup of Coke. Then he staked out a place for himself, Tim, and Steph at the end of one of the tables on the outside, so they could see everyone else. (Or rather, so Harry could see everyone else.)
Tim and Steph joined him shortly, and they started eating and chatting happily. And Harry kept his eyes peeled.
Much to Harry’s amusement, it was Alexander who discovered the pranked cookies first. He took a greedy bite, then let out a loud shout and spat the whole thing onto the floor.
“Ow! Ow! Why is it spicy?!” he exclaimed, frantically fanning his mouth.
Alexander’s mom, who was one of the chaperones, was immediately at his side, fussing over him while Alexander screwed his face up.
Tim and Steph glanced from Alexander to Harry, who wasn’t trying very hard to hide his smirk, then down at the cookies on his plate.
“You didn’t,” Tim whispered in awe.
Harry’s smirk grew.
Steph grinned. “Oh my god, he did! You—you’re pranking the entire fifth grade!”
Just as she said that, several other startled exclamations met their ears. Alexander’s mom had tried the cookie and was now hissing what would have been curses if she wasn’t surrounded by ten-year-olds. So had Mr. Sullivan and a dozen other kids.
Steph grinned and snatched one of the cookies off Harry’s plate. Her brow furrowed as she bit down on the candy bit.
“Tha’s cherry,” she said through a full mouth.
Tim took the cookie and broke off another piece around the second candy heart, then licked it. “Cinnamon,” he said, shaking his head. “Harry, you’re diabolical!”
Harry grinned. “That’s what Jason said.”
Tim gaped. “You got Jason, too?”
“Yep. And Dick. I…wasn’t sure I wanted to risk it with Bruce, though,” Harry admitted. “Alfred and I also made a different batch just for us, with strawberry syrup for the candy hearts. I’ll bring some tomorrow.”
“This is brilliant,” Steph exclaimed, laughing. “Let me guess. You did something similar to the lollipops, too?”
Harry grinned and shrugged. “You’ll have to try it to find out.”
Steph immediately fished out the lollipop from Harry, tore off the wrapper, and stuck it in her mouth.
“Dang, that’s good!” she said around the candy. “But this is normal.”
Harry shrugged.
“Do you have any left over?” Tim asked. “I wanna try.”
Harry shrugged and pulled out his extras. He passed one to Tim, then put them away. Tim unwrapped it and stuck it in his mouth, a considering look on his face.
It took about ten minutes for Steph to discover the surprise. She stuck the lollipop back in her mouth after gesturing with it at the word puzzle they were working together on. Then she choked and pulled the lollipop out of her mouth again. “Ow. I dunno how you made it hurt worse, but that cinnamon burns after the strawberry!”
Harry grinned and threw the glitter bomb at her. “Gotcha.”
Steph sputtered, then grinned and elbowed him lightly in the side. “I declare you a proper prankster, Sir Harrikins. You’ve bested me today, but be prepared for my revenge.”
Harry just grinned. “Bring it on, milady.”
Laughing, Steph stuck the lollipop back into her mouth, wincing at the cinnamon flavor again. Harry watched her face while they finished the puzzle, biting back laughter every time her nose wrinkled with the revelation of a new flavor. Tim, on the other hand, barely flinched, though once or twice he pulled the lollipop out to give it a considering look. When he pulled it out once and found it purple instead of red, though, he laughed.
“You’re an evil genius, twin,” Tim teased.
Harry shrugged. “I try.”
“Please tell me you’ll pull off something else funny for our end-of-the-year party!”
“I’ll figure something out,” Harry said, grinning.
***
Half an hour before the end of the school day, Mr. Aldmin finally pulled Harry aside.
Immediately Harry’s heart began to race, his palms getting slick with sweat. He wasn’t about to get in trouble for this, was he? There weren’t any rules against certain flavors, right? He didn’t remember any, but maybe he’d forgotten? Or maybe it didn’t matter, and enough people were mad about it that Harry had to get in trouble anyway?
Swallowing, his throat suddenly dry, Harry followed Mr. Aldmin toward the corner of the cafeteria.
“Harry.”
Harry’s breath caught and he looked up. “Y-yes?”
“I’ve gotten a lot of complaints about the candy and cookies you brought in today.”
“I—I didn’t know I was breaking a rule,” Harry said quietly.
“You didn’t,” Mr. Aldmin assured him. “But enough people complained that they insisted I talk to you.”
“Am—am I in trouble?” Harry asked quietly.
“No. But I still need to remind you that not everyone enjoys certain types of candy or certain flavors. And when sharing treats with the class, it’s important you do your best to pick flavors that almost everyone can enjoy, or else clearly label your treats so people can avoid the flavors they don’t like.”
Harry felt about two inches tall. He liked Mr. Aldmin. He always stuck up for Harry when Alexander tried to pick on him, and he was extra nice when Harry struggled with some of the trickier maths that he hadn’t properly learned yet.
“’M sorry,” Harry murmured. Sorry for disappointing his teacher, anyway. He wasn’t sorry for the prank itself. His classmates were mean, and some of them deserved it.
“That’s okay. I did hear that you made those cookies yourself, though. Is that true?”
“I—I had some help, from…from our butler,” Harry admitted.
Mr. Aldmin lightly squeezed Harry’s shoulder, prompting him to look up. And he was surprised to see a small smile there.
“Then I’ll compliment you on a job well done. The idea was clever, and the cookies are delicious.”
Harry’s eyes widened. “So—so I’m not in trouble? Y-you’re not mad?”
“Not at all. Now run along; it’s almost time for dismissal and we’ll need everyone’s help to clean up the party.”
Harry’s eyes widened further, then he registered the words. He blinked, grinned, then nodded and hurried off with a wave.
Steph and Tim gave him worried looks as he sat back down. “So? Are you in trouble?”
Harry grinned and shook his head. “Nope! He just told me to label things next time.”
“Will you?” Steph asked.
Harry shrugged. “Maybe.”
She laughed.
A few minutes later, they went back for one last round of treats, then started cleaning up. When the first parents started showing up, Tim tried to slip away, but Harry and Steph grabbed his hands.
“Nope. You’re coming home with me today,” Harry said firmly. “You’re not getting away again.”
“Listen to Sir Harrikins, Tim-Tam,” Steph said sternly, wagging her finger at him. “Why take the dirty, nasty city bus when you can get chauffeured by a real-life British butler?”
“But—”
“Nope.” Steph stuffed a cookie in Tim’s mouth to cut him off. “You have no valid argument.”
Tim choked a little, then finally chewed and swallowed his bite. “Okay, okay. Fine.”
“Yay!” Harry grabbed Tim in a hug. “You know you’re never getting away again, right?”
Tim sighed. “Fine.”
Harry laughed.
Soon enough, his name was called. He grabbed his stuff, including the box of leftover cookies (there were about a dozen left, Harry noted, though he was pretty sure a lot of them had ended up in the trash, or at least the hard candy parts had). Then he grabbed Tim’s hand and hurried to the pick-up line. It took a bit of wheedling to allow the teacher to let Tim go with him, but Bruce and Alfred both had Tim’s dismissal number, and they were on his list of emergency contacts. (Though Harry was pretty sure Tim was the one who hacked into the school network to set it up that way. Or maybe Bruce had; either one was possible.)
Finally, Harry and Tim slid into the backseat. Jason was up front, grinning at them as they got into the car.
“Hello, boys. Did you have fun at school?”
Harry blinked. “Bruce?”
Bruce glanced back over the seat, smiling. “I thought I’d play chauffeur today,” he said. Then he noticed the box of cookies in Harry’s hands. “Are those left over from the party?”
“Yeah.”
“May I try one?”
“Um—”
“Yes, you have to try one, B. They’re great!” Jason chimed in as the car started forward. “Hand one over, Haribo.”
Harry made a face. “That’s not my name!” A week ago, Tim had complained that his name was the only one that got mangled all the time by Jason. So now Jason was making up for it with increasingly bad nicknames to replace Harry’s name.
“Too bad, Harriet. Pass it.”
Hesitantly, Harry pulled out one of the cookies and passed it forward, then Jason handed it to Bruce.
Tim gripped Harry’s hand in anticipation as Bruce took a bite. He chewed and swallowed, still sucking on the hard candy part.
“That’s good. You and Alfred made them from scratch, didn’t you?” Bruce asked.
“Um. Yeah.” Harry squeezed Tim’s hand back. Jason was staring at Bruce in badly disguised anticipation.
“Well done.”
Harry’s cheeks flushed a little.
“Just wait. The second bite is better,” Jason said, still grinning.
“Is that so?” With a smile, Bruce bit into the cookie again, getting the second piece of hard candy.
The way his face twisted made Harry burst into startled laughter, which set off Jason, which then set off Tim.
Bruce choked down the cookie and the candy and cleared his throat. “I-interesting,” he said flatly.
“Told you so,” Jason teased. “He did that on purpose.”
Harry froze as Bruce’s eyes met his in the rearview mirror.
For a moment, there was something stern and almost angry in his gaze. Then his eyes softened and a reluctant, resigned smile spread across his face. “You got me,” he finally said. Then he sighed. “I knew you were too much like Dick for my own good.”
Harry bit his lip. “Y-you’re not mad?”
Bruce shook his head, still smiling faintly. “It’s a clever and harmless prank. I assume your class had an…interesting time at the party as well?”
Harry smiled hesitantly back. “It sure looked like it.”