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Lord, forgive me. I am the cruelest of sinners—the dread of the damned, the demon the righteous hunt. I am forsaken, the deceiver, the condemned. Hope lingers not in my sight, for even it flees at the sight of my rotten soul.
I am the end, the beast, the fallen, and the forsaken.
Lord, help me. Help this coward—this weak soul, your lost lamb, the dust beneath your feet. Save me. Strip the mortal coil from my soul and cleanse the rot. Crush me in Thy hands and end this fragile existence. I am lost and helpless. Led into sin, with no hand but my own.
I’m the betrayer, the traitor, the devil.
Snag my heart upon thrones and tear it open. Let the blackened blood drip from its flesh. Let the bird of prey feast upon the rot, then stagger, falling to the ground, twitching as the light You gave fades from its eyes.
I’m Judas. The destroyer. The executor.
Oh Lord, burn the flesh from this prison of sin. Char my skin to charcoal and let it flake off like tree bark. Let me never feel the ache again.
I’m the worm, the bird, the trees.
Let the sky weigh heavy on my shoulders, like Atlas. Bury me beneath it. Let dirt pour into my airways and choke me. Place this body back where it originated.
I’M HUMAN.
I’m the worst of the worst. Take me back to Your embrace. Grace me in Your holy light. Burn the impurities from my soul and remove these flaws. Take me from temptation and sin. Dispose of me.
I’m a grain of sand, a flutter of breeze, a single droplet of water.
Inconsequential in life. A nobody before You. I stand naked as a babe, wrapped in sin and deceit. Yet You perceive me as Your own. Your glorious form is indescribable—made of stars and cosmos. You are everything.
I’m the whisper between unfaithful lovers. The blink of an eye. The tip of a blade of grass.
Unmemorable. Forgotten. Dear Lord, look not my way. Erase nothing, for You make no mistakes. The sin that clings to this mortal coil is naught but a shell. One I’ll shed to return to You, pure and holy.
Can this taint be taken? Can it be released? Dissolved? Destroyed?
Has the darkness upon my flesh corrupted my soul as well? Will it cling to me like a shadow—veil me in lies and temptation?
Have I already sunk too far?
Dear Lord, forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me.
Cleanse me. Purify me. End me. Burn me. Cure me of this taint.
Holy Father, who art in heaven, I beseech You—turn away.
God, ever-living and eternal, let me sink into the darkness. I am irredeemable. Disastrous. Drowning.
Dear God, our Creator, let me fade into nothing.
Let the rot infest and destroy. Let it take. Let Your will happen.
I am nothing but Your eternal servant.
Dear Lord, I am—
HUMAN. A SINNER. A FAILURE.
SUNK INTO THE TEMPTATIONS OF FLESH. UNHOLY AND CONTAMINATED. DEATH. PUNISH ME.
I AM HUMAN. I WILL FALL. I WILL FAIL. I WILL LOSE.
I AM INHUMAN. THE ROT HAS TAKEN OVER. I SHOULD NOT FEEL. I CANNOT FEEL THIS.
Birds in a cage are free.
Sinking into my chest, his eyes capture me.
GOD CAN SEE ME. HE KNOWS.
White hair, tossed over a shoulder—he tempts me with the sweetest words.
Birds in a cage are fed. They are safe.
SINNER. SINNER. SINNER. SINNER.
He speaks in flowery language and theatrical actions. An act I see through.
When I tell him, he smiles—genuinely—and tells me he knows.
GOD PUNISHES. HE KNOWS. HE TAKES.
Birds in a cage are prized.
His words amuse me. They sink into my chest like the heat of his hand entwined with mine.
LORD, FORGIVE ME. FORGIVE ME.
Birds in a cage know only the cage.
He speaks in riddles—of cages and freedom. He lingers in my thoughts long after he’s gone.
His eyes haunt my dreams and my waking hours. I think of his hair and imagine my fingers tangled in it.
Birds in a cage cannot fly.
When our lips met for the first time, I felt the change in me.
TAINTED. CORRUPTED. IMPURE. GOD, FORGIVE ME. FORGIVE ME. MAKE ME STOP. I CANNOT DO IT MYSELF.
Birds in a cage wouldn’t leave an open cage.
He echoed in my thoughts. He asked me to leave with him. He asked to feel the wind.
I refused. refuseD, refusED. refuSED. refUSED. reFUSED. rEFUSED. REFUSED.
Birds in a cage couldn’t survive.
He took flight.
I didn’t find him in time. I found him too late. What remained were pieces. Flesh.
Nikolai was dead.
DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD.
He was gone, and I was alone.
What is a cage without a bird?
Dear Lord, I am a sinner. I am the devil. Punish me. Take Your wrath out upon me. But he is a victim. Return him to Your soft embrace. Take him from the depths of hell and bring him back to You. I alone am to blame.
Lord, punish me. Destroy me. I am nothing but a pawn in Your game. But spare him.
The weight of sin rests on me alone. I have committed both crimes; let me accept my punishment.