Chapter Text
So the thing is, Zhao Yunlan is not an idiot, despite what most people think. He’s in fact very observant and knows a lot of things about a lot of people. That being said, learning he’s been going to the same school as an angel-faced perfect human being for the last four years should not be a surprise. And yet, Zhao Yunlan has never seen the young man currently walking down the hallways before today.
"You mean to tell me, this, this mirage of a man is Shen Wei, highest-score-in-every-subject-Shen-Wei? Valedictorian-by-the-end-of-the-year-Shen-Wei?"
"I can’t believe you’ve never seen his face. Do you even pay attention during assemblies?"
"Assembly is my nap time, you know that, Da Qing."
"Ok then, how about the pictures posted in just about every release of the student journal? I know Ling Jin bullies you into getting it every time."
"I only read whatever article he writes, then I skip to “Lovers Anonymous,” Zhao Yunlan snaps his fingers. "Speaking of, have you read Wang Yike’s latest love letter to prof Zhang Ruonan? Last one was raunchy, but this week is somehow worse. I don’t know how they haven’t censured her at this point.”
Da Qing makes a noise of interest. "That girl has a gift with the pen," he muses.
"Let's save that conversation for English Lit," Zhao Yunlan says with a a hand wave. "Back to my problems."
"Right, explain to me how have you not seen Shen Wei before?" asks Da Qing
"He’s probably in the new buildings, what with all the AP classes he must be taking. Meanwhile, I have most of my classes in the E or F wings, and none in the newer parts."
Da Qing frowns. "You never bumped into him in the cafeteria?"
"No, maybe differing lunch period?" Zhao Yunlan shrugs. "Plus, since we always eat outside, I wouldn’t have seen him unless he also does."
"Huh. That’s some luck."
"It’s some curse! I’ve been robbed of that face for four years. Four years!" Zhao Yunlan bemoans. "I could be planning our wedding and what breed of dog to adopt by now. I might’ve even said hello!"
Da Qing’s faces scrunches in disgust.
"Do you think he knows I exist?" Zhao Yunlan asks dopily.
“No.” Da Qing says immediately and without an ounce of hesitation.
“Da Qing that’s so mean! Why are you so mean.” Zhao Yunlan whines.
“You didn’t know what he looked like five minutes ago” Da Qing points out reasonably. “He probably doesn’t know who you are.”
“Well, what do you think are my chances with him?”
“He’s a straight-A student, with a perfect record, at least a dozen academia prizes and two friends. One of which is his twin brother.”
Yunlan just looks at him expectantly. “I’d say about zero,” Da Qing deadpans.
Yunlan pouts. “I can’t believe you would hurt me like this. Why are we friends?”
"That," says Da Qing, "is an excellent question."
***
"Ge, did you do the chemistry homework?"
"A’Zhen I’m not letting you copy giving my chemistry homework. You should’ve done it yesterday, when I reminded you about it."
Ye Zun pouts. "Please? I did the first part, it’s just the last few questions I didn’t understand."
Shen Wei has never been able to resist those puppy-dog eyes, and his twin knows that very well, damn him. He sighs. "Fine. But you have to do it next time."
"I will, I promise."
"What are you two gossiping about?" says Zhu Hong as she slides into the little alcove next to a remote drinking fountain the twins are currently in.
"C'mon Zhu jie," Ye Zun says without looking up from the homework. "You know gege is too classy to do such a thing as gossip."
"I do know." She sighs. "Our Weiwei is really boring."
"I, on the other hand have some news to share," Ye Zun says as he looks up at that with a smirk. "Wang Zheng and Sang Zan were nominated for Prom King and Queen."
Zhu Hong groans. "That’s barely gossip, A’Zhen. Everyone could see that coming."
"Well, I doubt you can do better," Ye Zun mumbles, offended.
"I can, in fact, do much better. Remember your crush, Weiwei?"
"It’s not a crush,” lies Shen Wei, “and please refrain from calling me that, Zhu jie.”
“Aw, but Weiwei, why should I?”
Shen Wei only sighs, and motions for her to go on.
"Apparently he’s in the school play," she says.
"Oh yeah," Ye Zun interjects. "They’re doing Romeo and Juliet this year."
"Weiwei, it’s the perfect opportunity!" Zhu Hong says enthusiastically.
"For what?" Shen Wei asks.
"To get closer to your crush!"
“I don’t want to get closer to him-"
“Good”, says Yu zhen
“-and it’s not a crush.”
“You should practice the delivery on that, it wasn’t really convincing,” Ye Zun comments.
"Good thing your future boyfriend is in the theater club, then. he can give you some tips." Zhu Hong winks and Shen Wei can only sigh.
***
“You know, I’ve thought about it,” Da Qing says.
“About how to help me woo the love of my life?” Zhao Yunlan answers as they make their way through the hallway.
“No, gross," Da Qing says. "I don’t want to spend longer than I have to thinking about that.”
“Then, if not my incredibly interesting and important love life, what else could you be thinking about,” Zhao Yunlan asks.
“They’re having tuna for lunch. That’s worth thinking about.”
“This is why my cat is named after you.”
Da Qing heaves in a big sigh. “I was thinking about how we became friends. I’m a naturally generous and charitable guy all around, so it does make sense I would’ve gracefully extend the offer of friendship to you, who’s just really a guy in need.”
“I think it was because we shared our goldfish at recess back in 2nd grade.”
“Eh,” Da Qing says as he does a more or less motion with his hand.
Zhao Yunlan is about to answer when he sees him. He’s walking by just beside him. Shen Wei has a water bottle in hand and as he fills it, Zhao Yunlan can’t help but admire the perfect profile that is illuminated under the LED cafeteria lights. The water fountain is less than 2 meters away, and he's probably being so obvious right now, but he cannot look away.
That, of course, is when he trips on the floor tile and spills tomato soup all over his shirt. There is a second of disbelief before reality comes crashing back. The cafeteria quiets at the noise of his cutlery falling on the floor. When he looks back up, Shen Wei is looking straight at him.
There is nothing to do but freeze, insists Zhao Yunlan’s lizard brain and as Shen Wei goes to grab a few paper towels and approaches him with them, the freeze instinct holds strong.
“Here you go,” says Shen Wei
“Thanks,” answers Zhao Yunlan with his most charming grin before turning heel immediately towards the boy’s bathroom.
Next period is Math and Zhao Yunlan sits next to Lin Jing. The tomato soup stain is still very visible despite his best efforts.
“Lin Jing, do you still have that katana?” He whispers discreetly to his friend.
“Not if you’re planning on getting blood all over my it,” Lin Jing whispers back.
“Please?” Zhao Yunlan gives him his best puppy eyes.
Unfortunately, the other boy is utterly unmoved. “What do you not understand about collectible?”
“He saw me covered in tomato soup, Lin Jing!" Zhao Yunlan whisper-yells. "Life has no meaning anymore!"
“Still no.”
Zhao Yunlan huffs. Silence falls for a moment
“Lin Jing do you have Cong Bo’s number?” Zhao Yunlan breaks the silence again.
“Cong Bo won’t lend you his LOTR replica sword either, Zhao Yunlan.”
“Nobody loves me,” moans Zhao Yunlan as he lets his head fall in his hands.
As they walk back home, Da Qing is walking faster than normal, and Zhao Yunlan has to pick up the pace to catch up so his friend can still be within hearing range as he explains all the reasons Shen Wei is the most perfect human being to ever exist.
“Oh my god!" finally explodes Da Qing. "You think he’s hot, you’re not alone, get over yourself.”
“That’s not it!" Zhao Yunlan defends immediately. "Like, yeah, he’s gorgeous, I’ve got eyes, but it’s not about how he looks! It’s about his soul, we have a connection.”
“You’ve spoken exactly once, and you didn’t even know he existed two days ago.”
“A connection, Da Qing.”
Da Qing looks upwards despairingly.
***
The next day is Friday and also the only day where the whole of their friend group has their lunch break at the same time. Zhao Yunlan stands up and clears his voice before announcing to the group the big news.
"Guys, I’ve found my soulmate."
"Here we go again," Da Qing mutters.
"His name is Shen Wei, we’re gonna get married. I’m thinking a spring wedding."
"Really?" He hears Sha Ya whisper to Hua Yuzhu.
Chu Sizhui raises a dubious brow. Cong Bo starts laughing immediately.
"Wow you’re aiming high," Ling Jin comments as he takes another bite of his sandwich.
"I believe in you Chief Zhao!" says Guy Changcheng.
"Thank you Xiao Guo," Zhao Yunlan says turning to him. "See people, that’s how a real friend behaves. Take notes assholes, Friends support each other.
"Yeah, well if you’re going to make us go through you pining over the number one student in our grade, we should at least get to make fun of you," Sha Ya protests.
"I need to make a game plan," says Zhao Yunlan, moving on as if he hadn't heard. "Anyone has any suggestions?"
"You should go talk to him," says Wang Zheng, all cuddled up with her boyfriend.
"Ok, let me amend that, anyone has any good suggestions?"
“Pretend to trip on him,” Cong Bo says.
“Now we’re talking!”
“This is going to be a long semester," says Da Qing with a sigh.
****
So far, most of the ideas are mid. There was one that showed promise, to steal Shen Wei’s umbrella next time it rains so Zhao Yunlan could share his, but it was deemed inefficient since Shen Wei could just share with his brother.
Then comes the genius:
"Sha Ya saw him walking a dog one time, right?"
"Yeah, it was like a few weeks ago? He probably lives in my area."
"Then you can pretend to bump into him while walking Da Qing junior," Cong Bo says enthusiastically.
"Da Qing junior is a cat."
"So? People walk their cats all the time," Lin Jing says.
"No they don’t. I’ve literally never seen anybody walking their cats ever," pipes up Sha Ya
Zhao Yunlan ignores the commentary as he considers it. “It’s got potential, I like it.”
Sha Ya throws her hands in the air in frustration.
"A-Lan, this seems a bit elaborate, why not just introduce yourself?" Wang Zheng says kindly.
"That would never work,” says Zhao Yunlan ignoring Da Qing's muttering of “yeah, it’s too reasonable.” Zhao Yunlan continues: “This plan is my best bet, I can feel it!”
"This is going to be a disaster," Lin Jing says with a glint in his eyes.
“You can do it chief," Guo Changcheng offers and Zhao Yunlan pats him on his fluffy little head.
"Alright, guys, who’s placing the first bet?" Cong Bo starts.
****
“You damn cat, stop channeling your namesake and look alive for a change. The love of my life is going to be here in a hot minute and I need you to be standing.” Zhao Yunlan says. “There are fish sticks in it for you if you behave.”
At the word "fish", the cat ears perk up and he seems to stand up taller. Just then, Zhao Yunlan spots the boy he’s looking for. “Show time,” he mutters to himself before striding towards his target.
“Shen Wei? What a coincidence!” Shouts Zhao Yunlan as soon as he gets close enough to the other student. “I didn’t expect to see you here!”
“Zhao Yunlan!” says Shen Wei and smiles, surprised (and Zhao Yunlan’s heart threatens to burst, He said my name!)
“So you walk your dog around here? I never would have thought!”
“Yes I suppose it is quite a coincidence,” says the other teen with a slight smile. “And I see you’re walking… your cat?”
Zhao Yunlan flashes his most charming smile. “He likes to go out for a breath of fresh air. His name is Da Qing junior, he’s very friendly.”
As if on cue, Da Qing Junior hisses at the small dog standing by Shen Wei who visibly shrinks back. There’s a second of silence, then Shen Wei, the absolute gentleman, pets the whimpering dog as he directs a kind smile towards Zhao Yunlan.
“Don’t worry, Wangcai is a rescue, he’s a bit shy around new people.”
Zhan Yulan can barely stop himself from melting into the floor. “He is so lucky to have such a dedicated owner.”
“Oh, no. Well, I mean. Wangcai isn’t my dog. He’s my neighbor’s. She took him in earlier this year”
And like that ZYL is alert again. A Love Rival? “Your neighbor’s?”
“Mrs. Jiang is growing a bit older and her knees started to hurt since it’s been humid out recently, so I offered to walk her dog,” Shen Wei says with a soft look in his eyes just as a ray of sunshine pierces through the clouds to fall on his face, illuminating him in a warm glow.
Zhao Yunlan nearly gasps in awe. “That is very generous of you,” he manages to choke out instead.
“It is entirely selfish, I have a fondness for Wangcai,” answers Shen Wei.
Wangcai has seemingly stopped cowering thanks to the pets and comforting (Zhao Yunlan is jealous), but he still visibly strains on the leash to get further away from the fat cat, and towards the inside of the park.
“It seems Wangcai is getting restless. Would you like to walk Da Qing with us?”
“I would love to!”
Zhao Yunlan can barely even think around his delight at the invitation, and he starts walking towards Shen Wei when he notices something strange. The leash he’s half-forgotten he’s holding is offering resistance. A lot more than it should. With dread building up in his heart, Zhao Yunlan turns slowly back to his cat. Who is currently completely boneless, laying on the ground and not moving a toe pad. Zhao Yunlan gives a gentle tug and the cat doesn’t even twitch. Does life even has any meaning anymore? Zhao Yunlan wonders absent-mindedly.
“I dont know what gotten into him," the boy says as he plasters a smile on his face. "Da Qing junior loves going on walks!” They both turn to look at Da Qing junior, who’s laying on his side, motionless and dead-eyed. Zhao Yunlan's smile twitches.
“Come on boy, we’re going walking,” he says with the enthusiasm of an overworked camp counsellor.
As the cat still doesn’t move, he tries again. “Up, boy!” Then, still with no twitch, he starts pulling on the leash gently but firmly. The cat just slides over and down the little grass mound he went boneless on as the teenager drags him by the cat leash.
Zhao Yunlan laughs, at least he hopes it sounds like a laugh.
“Well, it seems fat- um, Da Qing junior is feeling lazy today.”
“Cats can often be temperamental,” offers Shen Wei.
What a sweetheart, Zhao Yunlan loves this man so much. He smiles back more genuinely and stretches to pick up the cat - thank you for nothing Da Qing junior - when the cat somehow decides now is a great time to practice his hundred-meters dash and takes off like a fucking bullet, wrenching the leash out of his hands.
And that is how, Zhao Yunlan falls into a puddle of fresh, and murky, muddy mud.
This is officially the worst day of his life.
“Are you alright?” Says Shen Wei as he hurries closer to the other boy.
“Da Qing junior is an evil spirit disguised as a cat, I’ve always known, but its finally proven.”
Shen Wei smiles as he helps him up and Zhao Yunlan discovers three very important fact.
- his eyes look like starlight from up close.
- he’s got the softest hands.
- The boy has got dimples.
This is officially the best day of his life.
***
"Da Qing! Da Qing, he smiled at me. I think I’m in love."
"I thought you already were."
"No, no. I was in lust. But he’s got dimples, Da Qing. Dimples. What am I supposed to do now?"
"Grow a pair and ask him out?"
"No need to be facetious, he would hate me."
"Face- do you even know what that means?"
“Of course!” at Da Qing's dubious look, Zhao Yunlan puffs up. “I read.”
"Since when?"
"Since I found out in the last year’s fall issue of the student newspaper, that it’s one of Shen Wei’s favourite hobby."
"Alright this is reaching a new low."
Zhao Yunlan just hums, already disinterested, as he catches sight of Shen Wei walking inside the cafeteria.
"Don’t do anything embarrassing," says Da Qing.
"I never do anything embarrassing," lies Zhao Yunlan.
As Zhao Yunlan approaches he calls out to Shen Wei, ‘Hey!’
Shen Wei looks up and turns straight towards him. Yunlan feels like the breath is knocked out of him.
How can a teenager look like this? Aren’t teenagers supposed to have pimples, greasy hair and be horrifyingly hormonal? Zhao Yunlan would think it was all propaganda if he wasn’t himself a teenager. That face isn’t fair, those eyes aren’t fair, Shen Wei isn’t fair! Shen Wei blinks and Zhao Yunlan realizes he’s been staring at him like a creep. Great.
"I had fun. Yesterday I mean," Yunlan manages.
"Me too," Shen Wei says with a smile and Zhao Yunlan has to blink away from the blinding smile a second and by then he's made it weird.
"Me too," Yunlan wheezes out and resigns himself to a quick retreat. "Ok, bye!"
Back with Da Qing, Zhao Yunlan sighs. “Ok so that was a total failure. Anybody have any idea?”
“No," his best friend answers. "You should give up, your chances have been obliterated forever and you no longer have any hope.”
“Well." Zhao Yunlan frowns. "Forever seems dramatic so, I’ll give it a day, then I’m thinking going with the baked goods plan.”
***
As everyone knows, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Zhao Yunlan is a pretty decent baker, and his brownies are excellent. Since the fall’s edition of the school paper mentioned that Shen Wei liked mint, Zhao Yunlan had settled on a recipe using dried mint for brownies. As he watches the brownies cool down in the pan, he smirks to himself. He’s got this in the bag.
In the morning he leaves the container on Shen Wei’s desk with a handwritten note. He knows Shen Wei will have to come put away his tutoring things before he can go to assembly. Which is why Zhao Yunlan had opted to leave them on the desk so he would be able to enjoy the brownies right then or save them for later without pressure.
“Yunlan!” Comes a cry from Lin Jing behind him. “Don’t give him the brownies!”
“Too late!” Zhao Yunlan says with a smirk, having just deposited a cute metal tin full of perfectly cut square brownies onto Shen Wei’s lap. « I hope whatever bet you just lost costs you lots.”
“No," Ling Jin huffed out. "No, it’s not a bet. Yunlan, the brownies, they’re edibles. I gave you She Ya’s weed to bake with yesterday.”
It took a full second for Zhao Yunlan to process that and then he said. “What the fuck. Holy shit!”
“I thought it was the mint! Dry plants look insanely similar!”
“Oh no, oh shit, I just gave valedictorian Shen Wei edibles just before an assembly. Oh no no no he’s going to hate me. What do I do?!”
“Go take back the brownies idiot!” Da Qing urges him.
“Right!”
And Zhao Yunlan starts running like a maniac down the halls. He spots Shen Wei with a brownie in his hand, looking like he’s about to take a bite. And yunlan doesnt stops to think and slaps the treat out of his hand, right in the middle of the crowded hallway. For a moment, a hush falls in the hall, as people turn around to see what kind of psychopath with a grudge against chocolaty treat he is.
“Poison!” Zhao Yunlan yells pointing at the brownie on the ground. Then, his messed up brain objects that this isn’t Hamlet and he can’t frame someone for this, and so he continues with
“I mean, it was an accident?” Alright, now that’s made it worse. Think of a better excuse, think of a better excuse. “It’s not actual poison! I just, uh, put an insane amount of salt.”
“Why would you do that…?” Asks Zhu Hong, as she looks at him like he’s on a psychotic break, which honestly, fair. He feels pretty close to a mental breakdown.
“It was an accident." Zhao Yunlan repeats, not really sure what’s coming out of his point at this point. "I thought it was sugar.”
Ye Zhu narrows his eyes as he looks like he’s contemplating how to murder him.
“They can look similar,” says Shen Wei because he is the sweetest person on earth. And Zhao Yunlan kinda wants to cry because that is not fair.
“I’m so sorry, I’ll make more, just this batch is awful, I’ll go throw it away,” he says as he extends his hand.
Shen Wei drops the bag in his hand with a slim gentle, if subdued smile as Ye Zun mutters. “I think you’ve done plenty.”
***
Zhao Yunlan is still down in the dumps when practice comes around, a few days later. It’s a good thing he’s not a main character (though Juliet’s nurse is obviously one of the best character, argue with the wall) because this is assuredly not his best performance. Guo Changcheng however does a banger job as Juliet, and Chu Sizhui is an equally compelling Romeo.
Zhao Yunlan is a casting genius, it has to be said.
Still, even rehearsals that usually puts him in a better mood can’t seem to raise his spirits entirely. The Theater Club & friends are planning to meet up at Sha Ya’s house after and though Zhao Yunlan doesn't feel super up for it, he stops by his house to grab a bottle of liquor, since it’s his turn to procure the booze.
When he comes back it’s to his friends holding a banner with the words ‘Zhao-vention’ written in all caps on it.
“What is this?” Yunlan asks.
“Ever since the brownie thing, you’ve been depressed” Lin Jing says
“What? What would make you think that?”
"Yunlan, you spent the entire homeroom class compiling a document called ‘list of reasons Shen Wei will never love me’.”
"So?" Zhao Yunlan defends.
"Look, I’m just trying to give it to you straight-" Lin Jing starts.
“Which is hard to do when you're not straight,” mumbles Sha Ya under her breath which gets him a glare from his ex-boyfriend.
“We’ve already established that was a dad joke,” Lin Jing interrupts himself to point out.
“Well, we’ve already established you’re a nerd,” Shay Ya retorts
“Guys, this is an intervention for Yunlan," Wang Zheng interrupts. "Let’s try and stay focused.”
“Sorry Wang-jie,” Lin Jing says.
“Yeah, sorry Wang-jie,” echoes Sha Ya.
“Look, A-Lan, I know this didn’t go the way you wanted, but it’ll get better,” says Hua Yuzhu.
“Like, as soon as we get some alcohol in you,” Cong Bo says.
“Yeah, we even got some of that nasty peppermint schnapps you like,” Jin Ling says as he holds up a bottle.
“We're here for you,” San Lang says.
“I'm not, I’m here for the booze,” Da Qing refutes.
“I’ll make the cocktails,” Chu Shizui offers.
“Aw you guys!” Zhao Yunlan says, felling touched despite himself. “Group hug!” Everyone ends up squished together as Zhao Yunlan squeezes every part of anyone he can reach as tightly as possible.
As people start going to prepare stuff, Changcheng comes up and says. “Don’t give up Chief! I’m sure senior Wei likes you too!”
Zhao Yunlan ruffles his hair fondly, which gets him an intense look from Chu Shizui. Well, there’s definitely something going on there.
The next day is Saturday and Zhao Yunlan spends it thinking about the next step. His plans may have failed miserably so far, but Shen Wei is not someone you just give up on.
So, Monday finds Zhao Yunlan dressed to impress and ready to go apologize for the brownies in person. He’s got a box of fancy dark chocolate to properly in his backpack and he is early to school for once. Since he forced Da Qing to walk with him, the human cat is currently lounging in the grass, basking in the sun. Zhao Yunlan sits his back to a tree on the property and watches the wind go through the leaves. It’s surprisingly soothing.
"Seriously? Zhao Yunlan? He’s so embarrassing," he suddenly hears a voice say.
Yunlan looks around the trunk of the tree and catches sight of three people sitting on the bench right behind him. At once, he recognizes Zhu Hong, Ye Zun and of course Shen Wei. Da Qing exchanges a look with him and Zhao Yunlan looks back at him with wide eyes. Are they talking about him?
"He’s a buffoon," Ye Zun agrees. "That whole brownies incident was a disgrace." Yikes, they are talking about him, and not very nicely. He sees Da Qing frowning at the comment and tries to signal him to stay quiet. Yunlan kind of wishes he could leave before hearing more, but if he moves they will for sure see him.
“He’s not,” Shen Wei protests, and something in Yunlan’s chest warms.
“I know you don’t want to believe it, but it is borderline suspicious.”
“Yeah! That thug looks like an asshole, he was probably pranking you or something,” Yu Zen says.
Da Qing further bristles and looks about to stand up, hiding be damned but Shen Wei beats him to the punch.
“He wouldn’t do that,” Shen Wei defends firmly.
“Weiwei…”
“No,” Shen Wei interrupts. “Zhao Yunlan is kind, he would never prank someone like that. He’s a good person, Zhu Jie, I know he is.”
Zhao Yunlan feels like soaring. Shen Wei thinks he’s kind. Da Qing must see something in his face because he lunges for Zhao Yunlan but the latter is too quick as he springs up like a deranged rabbit from behind the tree and comes face to face with a startled Shen Wei as Zhu Hong and Yu Zen both screech.
“Do you wanna go to prom with me?” He asks loudly.
There’s a second of stunned silence before Shen Wei smiles. “I would love to.”
Yunlan’s two seconds away from whooping with joy.
“That’s it?” Yu Zen screeches as he gestures wordlessly to the scene in front of him.
“Right,” Yunlan says as he snaps his fingers. “Would you also wanna go on a date with me?”
"Yes," Shen Wei answers, his own smile as radiant as the sun above.
Zhu Hong and Da Qing exchange long-suffering glances as Yu Zen screeches again and the two take that as their signal to skedaddle, which they do arm in arm, like a victorian couple out for a stroll through the gardens.
"I hate him," Da Qing says as he lays back down in the grass with an arm over his face. "I hate him so much."
"Ge!" Ye Zun screeches in the background.
Zhu Hong just sighs. Weiwei has terrible taste.