Chapter Text
goodbye stranger it's been nice
hope you find your paradise
tried to see your point of view
hope your dreams will all come true
DAY 1/100
For reasons left relatively unknown to Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, you had stopped by a city-ship where they were currently stationed for an escort mission.
They were vaguely aware you were previously on a venture of your own for the past few months, but any inquiries as to what you had been learning were swiftly shut down. Even the efforts of Padmé Amidala were expertly parried. You grimaced at the thought of her, she would be greatly upset that you hadn’t gone to see her.
Slash.
You had no time to think of this now. Not while you struggled to dodge Anakin’s aggressive attacks. Half of you wished you had gone to any other Jedi to help you assess your evasion skills, but the other half knew that the intense Jedi Knight was the perfect candidate. He had enough energy to spend several hours practicing with you, even offering advice.
Right when you had thought you had gotten the hang of his attack style, having successfully sidestepped a particularly brutal three-hit combo, Anakin used the Force to trip you off balance. It was nearly imperceptible, but it had been enough for you to lose your footing, ready to hit the floor until—
“Careful, now,” said Obi-Wan, who had caught you in his arms.
Anakin sent you a fleeting but knowing glance, then looked at Obi-Wan.
“Looks like her balance could use some work, huh, Master?”
You scoffed at the young man.
“And here I thought I was here to collect my friend, not save her from your cheap tricks,” said Obi-Wan, letting go of you.
“So you caught that too!” you gasped, walking towards the hallway.
“What tricks?”
“Subtlety was never your strong suit, Anakin. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have matters to attend to.”
Obi-Wan followed you outside the room. Anaking took note of how both you and his master avoided his gaze. Odd, he thought, considering how his ribbing was relatively routine, even with your recent absence.
As the pair of you walked through the halls, the ceiling lights faded to a warm orange hue. Having just traveled by ship for several days, you were thankful that this city-ship at least had the technology to simulate a day cycle.
“Evading lightsaber attacks,” Obi-Wan began. “I presume this is for your upcoming mission?”
“You would be correct," you said with a sharp sigh.
“What’s the matter?”
“I’m afraid, Obi-Wan," you confessed, mindful of how much information you'd reveal.
“I was told it was only a diplomacy trip to Kashyyyk.”
“I fear… there's a little more to it than that. Honestly, I’m unsure about taking it on.”
It was a half-truth, but you learned from the best. You arrived at your temporary quarters, inputting the code to unlock the entrance.
“You were given a choice?”
This stood out to him since it seemed you had already begun at least some form of preparation. You nodded and walked through the door, then sat at the edge of your bed.
“Curious…” he continued. “Do you believe it could be dangerous?”
“It’s not even that,” you replied. “I mean, what mission isn’t? It’s just that…”
Bringing your gaze to the floor, you fidgeted with the buckles on your leather glovelettes. You felt the mattress sink as Obi-Wan sat beside you. He was so close to you that his knee grazed yours.
Perhaps it was the lack of physical contact you’ve endured on your mysterious expedition, but you fought the impulse to inch closer. Yes, that had to be it. Nothing more.
“Come on now,” he prodded. “What is it?”
“It’s for one hundred days.”
“A rather specific interval, if you ask me.”
“That’s exactly what worries me. I’ve never even been on a solo mission for that long either.”
“Having you train without your lightsaber does signal trouble. Perhaps you might stay on this mission.” With me.
He omitted the last part, but he almost hoped you could sense what he was truly trying to tell you.
“Three Jedi assigned to guard a Countess on her own city-ship seems excessive.”
But I want you here, he wanted to say. “I think I’d much prefer for someone to protect me as well.”
“You have Anakin.”
“Which is precisely what I take issue with.”
“Hey now, he’s a good guard," you argued.
“Only if you’re a beautiful brunette Senator.”
“Well, if you dyed your hair, you’d be two of three.”
“He isn’t you.” Fuck, did he really say that out loud?
You rolled your eyes at him playfully. Good, he thought. I hadn't made it weird. As if you hadn't just called him "beautiful". (Indirectly, of course.)
“I don’t get away with nearly as much as you do, Obi-Wan.”
“Stay anyway,” he entreated, ever so slightly shifting towards you.
“I wish you meant it,” you whispered, eyes flickering down to his lips as he tilted his head.
“I do.”
You closed the distance, leading your lips to his. Without a moment’s hesitation, he kissed you back, and your hand cupped his cheek delicately. He leaned into your touch, but he jumped back at the sensation of his commlink beeping.
Of course.
The Countess was requesting his presence. As he stood up abruptly, you walked to the door and, with a swiping motion, opened it for him using the Force.
“Ah, well, duty calls,” he said, running a shaky hand through his hair. This was a mistake.
“See me tonight? I still have to make a decision.” Don’t shut me out, Obi.
He nodded, not bothering to answer with words. As he turned and walked away, the door slid closed in your face.
***
You were roused from your rest by a relentless rap at the door. Sitting up in your bed, you grimaced from your grogginess. A Jedi who had dozed off during what was supposed to be a productive meditation? Specifically, a session intended to rid your mind of any distractions? Yes, you were just the perfect person for this upcoming covert operation. (If you took it on, that is.)
Reluctant to leave your bed, you opened the door using the Force. At your wordless assent, Anakin entered, resting his body against the convex wall beside your bed. He cocked his head to the side, inspecting you in—what you incorrectly perceived as—concern for your fatigue.
“Are you all right?”
You peered closer at him, as his tone sounded worried for your reaction rather than worried for your well-being. All right, something was going on.
“Is there a reason for me not to be?”
“Something happened between you two, didn’t it?” he asked, pushing himself off the wall. As he walked towards you, he wrung his hands anxiously, awaiting your response.
He always knows, you thought. Hanging your head in your hands, you asked muffledly:
“Anakin, what’s this about?”
“Wait, you mean you don’t know?”
“If I did, then would I be asking?” you shot back, sourly. He stayed unfazed by your attitude.
“Oh, so it was bad then."
“Anakin.”
The younger Jedi hesitated, scratching the back of his neck. He very clearly wished anyone but him had to deliver this news to you, which worried you.
“So, the Council confirmed you’re off the mission. I guess in hindsight, you were right, and three Jedi does feel like overkill.”
With an indignant scoff, you crossed your arms. Damn it, Obi. And the nerve of him not to inform you!
“Sorry," he responded. "You even came all this way." Just to get your ass kicked, he thought, but now wasn't the time.
“We only kissed. If I knew he’d freak out this badly, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place!”
Anakin did a double-take; he was so sure you were torn up over having to leave after such a short visit, only for you to drop this bombshell on him. Furthermore, he thought this would have improved your whole tiptoeing-around-each-other situation that even your non-Force-sensitive friends were privy to.
The pair of you hadn't seen each other for months, only holding the occasional holocall if your timing lined up, and the first time you see each other in person, you kiss?
“Hold on, ‘we?’ As in my master kissed you back? Wait, isn't this a good thing?”
“If you value your hair or your bone structure, you will tell no one, Anakin Skywalker.”
“Always right where it hurts.”
You shook your head and looked up at the man. Your mind was reeling; you were going to commit to this precarious task without even having the opportunity to talk over its risks.
As much as you loved Anakin, you were unsure you could even hold the conversation without its confidentiality being fully pried out of you, and as time went on, the more it looked like he might end up being at the very center of the whole affair. You could sense it.
“Was Obi-Wan supposed to tell me?”
“Yeah, I haven’t seen him around, though, oddly enough. Want me to go and find him?”
“It’s fine, I told him to come talk to me later, and he seemed up for it? To figure this whole thing out, I’d imagine.”
In truth, this statement was less of an answer to Anakin and more of a way to cope with your stress. You hoped Obi-Wan would turn up like you had asked.
“Huh, is that what old people call it now?”
“Who are you calling old?” you asked, scrambling off your bed. “I’m Padmé’s age!”
“Wait, don’t tell her I said that,” he said, backing away.
“The audacity! Just because I didn’t grow up with you—"
“All right, all right!” yielded Anakin, throwing up his hands. “I take it back.”
“You fucking better.”
You squinted your eyes at him, but instead of escalating it, you decided to sit down at the side of your bed. I'm safe, Anakin thought. He made his way to your door and pressed the button to open it, but before leaving, he asked:
“Can you guys keep the noise down tonight? I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately and, well, you and me are stuck with the shitty studio apartments with the thin walls.”
He could barely finish his request before you shut the door in his face with such force, you wished the racket would ward off any further remarks. However, you were still able to hear his laughter, which grew fainter as he walked away. Settling back onto your bed, you resolved to ruminate on the responsibilities that would await you if you chose to accept this mission.
You came to the realization that the only factors holding you back were the loneliness and falsehoods. You would have to stay completely isolated from your loved ones, and deliberately deceive them at that.
It was Obi-Wan. This was simply a long-winded way of saying it was him holding you back. You would have to lie to Obi-Wan, convincingly no less.
First, an hour passed. Then two. Then, the last time you checked your wrist-comm, the clock indicated that five hours had passed. Obi-Wan still hadn’t shown.
Activating the holoprojector on your wrist-comm, you scrolled through a slew of contacts until you landed on your former master’s name. Within seconds, you were put through, and the fuzzy blue hologram of Mace Windu crackled to life, greeting you with a question:
“So then, have you come to a decision?”
goodbye mary, goodbye jane
will we ever meet again
feel no sorrow, feel no shame
come tomorrow, feel no pain
DAY 2/100
Once more, your eyes scanned the room, ensuring that any of your (few) possessions were not left behind in your hasty escape. You turned the lights off, taking a deep breath. Were you actually going through with this? Stepping through the door, you spun around to reach the biometric pad and—
Ahem.
Nearly leaping out of your skin, you whipped around to see who had just cleared their throat. It was Anakin, leaning against the entrance of his quarters. His hands were in his pockets, and he looked upon you with an unimpressed expression.
“And you didn’t even think to say goodbye?”
“I was told to be discreet,” you gritted out.
He only huffed at your excuse, evidently looking for more, and you sucked your teeth in response. You did not have the time for this.
“What are you even doing awake at this hour?” you grumbled.
“It’s technically the next day now, so I’d argue I’m early.”
“Anakin.”
“Heard you packing. Thin walls, remember?”
As you sighed, he sauntered over to you, adopting a more considerate tone as he asked:
“Speaking of… how did Obi-Wan take it?”
“Oh.” Well, he never showed! “Well, it was… difficult, but we’ll be fine. We always are.”
“I’m sorry,” he said as he opened his arms, welcoming you into his embrace. Stars, you were going to miss him, even in spite of his incessant goading. Resting your head against his chest, you wrapped your arms around his waist and closed your eyes. With a sigh, your words stifled by his robes, you requested:
“Hey, try not to bother him about it. He has other things to worry about, okay?”
As he nodded, you stepped back and put a gentle hand on his cheek. You gazed at him with fondness, committing the features of his face to memory. It’s only a hundred days, right? Perhaps you were being melodramatic, given all the preparation you had done even prior to your decision, yet your intuition told you this would be different somehow.
Be that as it may, you always concerned yourself over Anakin in a manner that bore such similarity to how Obi-Wan would.
Stars, no wonder he thinks I’m old, you thought, smiling to yourself. Before he could question the root of your sudden sentimentality (which had an air of finality he found fairly worrisome), you walked off in the direction of the hangar without sparing any looks back.
in the land and the ocean (feel no sorrow)
far away (feel no shame)
it's the life i've chosen (come tomorrow)
every day (feel no pain)