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Eddie can’t look away from what’s happening right in front of him.
Pepa’s scooping Buck into her arms again, pressing a kiss to his ear, and she says something that’s too low for Eddie to catch, but whatever it is—Buck comes away from the hug with pink cheeks and stars in his eyes.
His heart’s doing something a little wild beneath his ribcage, pounding something unruly, and the keys in his hand jingle as he reaches up and puts a hand over his chest. It’s—the feeling, it reminds him of a suit shop and falling to his ass in public, but instead of choking him, it wraps around him like a blanket, nice and gentle and warm.
“We should, uh,” Buck says, a shy hand on the back of his neck. “Do this more often.”
“Of course, of course,” Pepa agrees, and now she’s cradling his face, and Eddie has to watch, frozen still, as Buck leans into her touch before she drops it back to her side, and it’s—so normal. Buck with his family. His family with Buck. And he’s—he’s rubbing his chest, feels his heart flutter, and is still finds himself perfectly upright. “I’d love that, Evancito.”
Buck nods, smiling softly at her, and catches Eddie’s eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay driving her back home? I know you’re tired, and—”
“I’m okay, Buck,” Eddie reassures, way too softly when they’ve got an audience. “You stay with Chris. Catch up, get ready for sleep. It’s been a day.”
Buck blows out a breath that turns into a laugh. “Yeah, it has been. Be careful, okay?”
“Always am,” Eddie says, and nods at the door. “C’mon, tía. ¿Está lista?”
“Sí, sí,” she says, purse on her arm. “Vamos, Mundo.”
It’s quiet in the car for exactly three minutes before she puts a hand on his shoulder.
He looks over at her, the red light illuminating her face, and immediately starts to flush. Because she’s got that look in her eye, the one he’s all too used to. A mixture of fondness and amusement, and he knows he’s about to get teased before she even opens her mouth.
Instead, she says, “Perdóname, Mundo.”
“You’re—sorry? Why?”
The light turns green. Eddie focuses on the road again.
“All these years, I tried to,” she says, pausing to inhale. “Set you up, and I didn’t know.”
Eddie’s stomach turns. His eyes are on the road like someone’s glued them open—he’s not blinking, and he grips the wheel a little tighter to feel a little more in control. “Didn’t, uh. Didn’t know what?”
“Aye, mi Mundo. That your heart already belonged to someone.”
She says it so certainly, so plainly. Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Eddie’s not breathing, he doesn’t think, so he forces himself to, a shaky intake that’s entirely too loud in the car. It sounds like a clap of thunder.
“Tía, it’s—it’s not like—”
“But it is, huh?” She cuts in. He can hear the smile in her voice. “The way you are with him, it’s—that’s what I’ve wanted for you, mi amor. You were never alone, were you? I didn’t see that.”
Eddie clears his throat. His heart’s beating so loud it nearly drowns out the softness of her voice. It takes a long, long moment, for him to speak. It surprises him, when he says, “I haven’t told him.”
“Well, of course you haven’t. If you had, I’d have a wedding invitation in the mail—”
“Tía—”
“Oh, ya. You’re as bad as me. I took six years to get over my first husband, but this is, what? Seven? Eight?”
Eddie laughs in disbelief, and once he stops at another red light, looks over at her. She’s got light in her eyes, she’s sparkling with it, and—it’s so easy. It’s easy, to talk about it. He wasn’t sure it ever would be. “It’s like that?”
She tilts her head, smile softer. “Hijo de mi corazón, I just want you to stop running.”
“I’m—I’m not, running,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “Not from him. It’s just—it’s—what if he doesn’t—”
“That man loves you, Eddie. He loves Christopher. There’s nowhere he’d rather be,” she says, firm. The light turns green, and Eddie looks away. “Mundo, you deserve to be happy. He makes you happy.”
“Tía, it’s—being here, it isn’t permanent. I got a job offer back in Texas, and it’s going to be hard, going back to El Paso after being home for so long, but—”
She clicks her tongue. “El Paso isn’t home. You just said it yourself.”
“But Chris—”
“This is his home, too. What the three of you have built, Mundo. It’s special. Can’t you see it?”
It’s an insane question to think about, because—of course Eddie sees it. Buck is tied to them on paper. He’s in his will and now he’s—in their house, picture frames showing how much they’ve become a unit over the years. Buck has family recipes memorized and silly nicknames from relatives. Of course he sees it. He always has.
He doesn’t know he’s speaking until he hears himself. His voice shakes. “I’m scared, tía.”
“Do you think I wasn’t scared when I met Paco?” she asks, voice wobbling right with him. Eddie blinks and blinks and blinks, tears pricking at his eyes. “I was terrified. But at a certain point, I got tired and I stopped running. And it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”
Eddie turns onto her street. It’s dark, only dimly lit porches lighting up their path. When he pulls up into her driveway and puts them in park, he looks over at her, lips pursed. God, he doesn’t want to cry.
“I see you, mijo,” she says, gentle, and it’s a wrap. A tear rolls down his cheek, warm, and he closes his eyes briefly when she reaches out and takes his arm. “I see you. I know you’re scared. I was, too. But—think about why you’re here. Tomorrow isn’t a promise. You have what you want right in front of you. Take it, corazóncito. Take it.”
Eddie nods, a couple more tears spilling out onto his face in slow, gentle streams. He wipes them away quickly and laughs, shaking his head. “Okay. Okay.”
“Así,” she says, smiling. “There you go. It’s going to be scary, Mundo. But you’re going to be so happy. I know it.”
“I want to be happy,” he murmurs, licking the salt from his lips. “God, tía, I want to be.”
She reaches out and cradles his face, a mirror from earlier. “You will be. Get home to your boys.”
Eddie’s chest feels a little like it’s going to crack open. “I will. I’ll stay until you get inside.”
She pats his cheek and unbuckles her seatbelt.
Before she closes her front door, she gives him another look. Be brave, it says.
Eddie can do that.
Christopher is asleep when Eddie gets back. Buck’s alone on the couch, changed into his comfy clothes—a stretched out Dolly Parton shirt and sweats. The lamplight is turning him golden, and Eddie has to stand there for a second, just to catch his bearings.
Buck throws a glance backwards and then turns the TV down almost all the way down, a big smile on his face. “Hey. You’re back.”
Eddie hums while he shrugs off his flannel. He sets it along the arm of the couch before he sits. “What are you watching?”
“Some baking show, I don’t know,” he says, not looking away from Eddie. “Hey, uh, listen—”
“I know,” Eddie says, lips curling into a pout. He pulls at a loose string on his jeans before looking back to Buck. “I’m sorry, too. I am. And I—I was a dick for the note, I know how you would take that. I just—”
“I needed to step inside with you,” Buck cuts in, worrying at his bottom lip. He’s fidgeting with his hands, and Eddie—wants to hold them still. Wants to hold them so bad. “I didn’t do that. I’m sorry.”
Eddie nods. They watch each other, eyes locked, and Eddie’s—burning up, with how much he loves him. Before he can say it, before he can put it out there, he asks, “Chris was wiped out?”
Buck blows out a laugh. “He wanted to stay up and watch a movie, but the second he brushed his teeth his eyes got all droopy. It was—it was like he was just a kid again.”
“He was so excited to see you,” Eddie says, soft. “I told him you needed him, and he just said—when’s my flight?”
Tears pool into Buck’s eyes almost instantly. He coughs into his hand, tries to distract himself, but the force of it only makes them spill over. Eddie’s throat starts hurting, starts closing up.
“Oh, hey,” Eddie whispers. He closes the distance between them on the couch and pulls Buck into him, heart skipping at how small Buck makes himself. He tucks himself into Eddie’s neck, hot air hitting his skin when Buck exhales, shaky. “I’ve got you, huh? You’re okay.”
“I’m sorry,” he gets out, voice rough, and Eddie grits his teeth and holds him tighter. “I didn’t mean to start—”
“Hey, stop,” Eddie cuts in, cradling Buck’s head. He blinks out the blurriness from his eyes and hopes Buck isn’t feeling his tears soak into the top of his head. “You don’t have to be sorry. Just let me—let me hold you, okay?”
Buck makes a truly devastating little noise against Eddie’s skin and nods, hands fisting into his shirt.
“I know you, uh,” Eddie says, Buck’s hair tickling his lips. “I know you needed your family around you. Knew that would help. Tía Pepa was happy to come around for you. She loves you.”
Buck’s eyelashes blink against Eddie’s neck. Eddie’s heart pounds and pounds and pounds.
He’s not running. He’s not running from this.
“Chris loves you,” he adds.
He wonders if Buck is about to ask why his pulse is skyrocketing. It’s so fast he can taste it, so fast he’s dizzy with it.
They’ve been best friends for years and years and they should have said this a long time ago, but it’s always felt just on the edge of too much, and now Eddie knows why.
He swallows around his anxiety, thinks about his tía’s words and says, voice strong: “And I—I love you, Buck. So much. I love you so much I’ve never known what to do with it.”
Buck pulls away, his eyes and the tip of his nose red, and Eddie loses his breath. He’s looking at Eddie like he’s a new person, like they’ve never met before.
“Eddie,” he says, voice breaking off.
“I do. I love you,” he says, because now he can’t stop. “I love you. And it’s—so big, Buck. I’m terrified of it, but—I think I’m done running. I’m tired. I don’t want to do that anymore.”
Buck’s blinking, eyes wet and wide and huge. “You have to start elaborating, or I’m gonna pass out on this couch, Eddie—”
Eddie bursts into laughter, reaching out. Buck eyes his hand until it fits around his jaw and then stares at him like he might be in shock. “I’m in love with you. It’s pretty ridiculous.”
Buck covers Eddie’s hand with his own. “It’s ridiculous that—you’re in love with me?”
“It’s ridiculous how much I’m love with you,” he corrects, gentle. “I’ve never—it’s never been this way for me.”
Buck’s eyes flutter shut. “Eddie, you have no idea,” he says. His eyes open, finding Eddie instantly. “How much I love you.”
“I think I have a pretty good idea,” Eddie nearly whispers. “Come here.”
Buck sways into him, their hands still joined, and when they kiss, Eddie’s sure this tops the list of the best things he’s ever done.