Archive of Our Own ^beta

Tuesday, June 9th, 20??, 10:45AM

ZiM had a weird few years. After the years of fighting Dib (and Gaz, sometimes), and nearly destroying the fabric of the universe (not even the first time), things had become strangely… Calm. Depressing, but calm. A few months after the Florpus incident, ZiM had finally realized the truth about his so-called “mission”, and he obviously didn’t take it well. After multiple mental breakdowns, nearly destroying his own house a couple of times, and staying at home for months, he had decided to get back to Invading. Even if his mission wasn’t real, trying to take over Earth was one of the few things that made him feel truly happy.

ZiM sighed softly as he sat at the cafeteria table. The High Skool’s food was somehow worse than any other Skool food that he had tried before. The Irken pushed the tray away from himself, gagging.

“Is your disguise getting even worse, or am I still the only one who noticed?” A familiar voice asked, causing ZiM to jolt in surprise.

“... Dib-human.” As much as ZiM didn’t want to admit it, Dib was right; the Irken’s wig had worn down, and his antenna would occasionally stick out of it. His eye contacts would fall out at least once a day. ZiM didn’t have the energy to change it, and most humans either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “What is it?”

“History project’s due tomorrow. And no, your alien computer’s human history isn’t accurate.” Dib said casually, before walking away.

ZiM rolled his eyes. In the past few years, he and Dib rarely fought anymore. They weren’t exactly friends either, but… They didn’t completely hate each other. It was weird. ZiM had still been trying to Invade Earth, so why wasn’t his nemesis trying to stop him? It was like he… didn’t believe he could do it.

“Your human textbooks aren’t correct either…” He grumbled as he rested one arm on the table, and his free hand of his chin. “... Stupid earth-creature.”

ZiM had been thinking about it a lot lately. That no one really believed in him as an Invader anymore. Realizing his Almighty Tallest, and the whole Irken Empire, never cared about him, really hurt. But now, he didn’t even have anyone to fight. Were his new plans not maniacal enough for anyone to notice? Not even his usual nemesis? He really put a lot of work into that death ray. It wasn’t very original, but still.

As the bell rang, ZiM got up and put his tray away before turning to leave. Usually, he would just leave it there, after pretending to enjoy whatever gray slop was on the tray. That was it, wasn’t it? It was the small things. He was starting to do too many… Nice things. Picking up books that the human classmates had dropped, actually having conversation with some humans, hell, he even once helped Keef with a Skool assignment – to be fair, it was mainly because there was a prize for those who got the highest grade, and he knew Keef would probably give it to him, but he still helped him. And it was almost not horrible working together.

As ZiM made his way past the taller teen humans, he stepped into the art classroom. Irkens were not known for any sort of artwork, other than the occasional propaganda poster, but as much as he didn’t want to admit, ZiM quite enjoyed creating. It was usually frowned upon, but back as a smeet he made drawings and sculptures from time to time. He grabbed some supplies before sitting down in his assigned seat. He started to paint, grumbling to himself. He knew what his problem was. He wasn’t intimidating anymore. Spending so much time away from his Tallest, away from his beloved empire, on a filthy planet, was warping his brain, wasn’t it? He had to find a way to be threatening again.

“ZiM?”

“Eh?” The Irken looked up at the much taller teacher, a white, middle-aged, balding man, with dark bags under his eyes. The teacher looked down at ZiM’s painting, which was of Earth from space, set ablaze, with large flames engulfing most of it.

“Uh, wow… That’s very… Creative, ZiM. An… Environmentalist piece, I see?” The teacher asked in a deep, monotone voice.

“Eh?! Oh! Um… Yes! Yes, because ZiM just loves the environment, yes…” ZiM chuckles awkwardly. “... I must leave.” He immediately stood up, rushing over to the nearby drying rack and setting the painting there.

“Oh, uhh– Are you okay?--”

“Sick! ZiM is very, very sick. I should leave right now so as to not spread it to these horrible creatures!” ZiM rushed past the teacher. He didn’t even shove him away. And he even had one of his fake robot parents pick him up. Damn it. He needed to get more threatening, and he needed to do that now.

As he entered his base, he quickly took of his disguise, breathing a sigh of relief.

“So itchy!” He yelped. “Alright. ZiM must get back to more… Invasion… Stuff!” He clenched his fists. “GIR! Computer! Minimoose! Get ready!” He yelled as he ran to get to his lab.

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Wednesday, June 10th, 20??, 4:30AM

It was mostly quiet in the Membrane household, other than Professor Membrane working on one of his inventions. Dib and Gaz were both sleeping, mostly peacefully, until a loud, maniacal laugh could be heard from outside. Dib slowly sat upright in his bed, grabbing his glasses from his nightstand. “Huh?” He put on a pair of slippers and went downstairs to inspect, the noise getting closer. The laughter was gone, replaced with some sort of chatter between two very familiar voices. Dib rolled his eyes. A few years ago, he would have jumped at the opportunity to stop ZiM, to capture him, to get someone to see his true form, but now? He was mostly just a weird green guy who he talked to at Skool sometimes. He slowly opened his front door, yawning softly.

“ZiM, we have Skool later–” He raised an eyebrow. ZiM and GIR both wore their worn down disguises. ZiM stood with his fists on his hips, and a smug smirk on his face. GIR paying more attention to a nearby bird than anything else.

Dib looked them up and down, then behind them, then back at ZiM. “What?!”

“Hello, you filthy creature.”

“... Hey. What do you want?”

“Oh, me?” ZiM clasped his hands together. “ZiM is just letting you know that you should watch out. I’ll be working on something that is sure to terrify you! And remind my Almighty Tallest of my rightful place as Irk’s best Invader!” He exclaimed, sounding almost slightly embarrassed at the way he phrased that. Criticizing his Almighty Tallest? He didn’t mean to do that.

“... And that is?” Dib asked, clearly annoyed.

“... I-It’s none of your business!” ZiM screamed. “But… That scares you, right?”

“Not really.”

“... You don’t want to stop me?”

“... I want to stop you from embarrassing yourself.”

“You don’t want to dissect me? Even just a little bit?”

“I am curious about how your organs work, but I don’t really wanna do that to you now, man.” The human spoke quietly. “And how do you even dissect someone ‘just a little bit’?”

“I– You–” ZiM pouts. “You don’t even wanna punch me?”

“No.”

“... Does your scary sister want to punch me?” ZiM asked, with hope.

“No.”

“Damn it.”

“Look, ZiM… It’s too early for this. I’m sorry, but… You’re just not really that big of a threat anymore.”

“But what about your paranominal–”

“Paranormal.”

“Paranormal studies?!”

“I’m more focused on witches right now. I suspect Gaz might be trying to get into witchcraft, and I gotta keep an eye on her.”

“But–”

“See you at Skool, ZiM.” Dib grumbles, slamming the door in his face.

The Irken growls. “Oh, come on! Hey! I’m right here! I’ll even take off the disguise!”

A window on the second floor of the Membrane house opens up. Gas sticks her head out of it. “Shut up! I’m trying to sleep.”

“Oh, uh–”

ZiM sighs. “Fine. I guess I’ll try a different approach. GIR!”

ZiM glances around. GIR is trying to eat a bird without chewing.

“GIR! Come on now!”

GIR swallows the bird whole, choking slightly before turning to face ZiM, running after him.

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Wednesday, June 10th, 20??, 2:30 PM

The Skool day was coming to an end, and Dib hadn’t seen ZiM since his strange outburst earlier that day. Walking down the mostly empty hallway, he thought he heard footsteps behind him. A maniacal giggle could be heard.

“ZiM, if you’re here to bother me, can you at least–” Dib started to ask whilst turning around. Mid-sentence, he felt a sudden, heavy smack to the head, and promptly passed out.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, June 10th, 20??, 3:00 PM

“Hey. Hey! Wake up or I’ll find a way out of here without you!”

“Huh?...” Dib slowly opens his eyes, realizing he was strapped down to a chair. Gaz was strapped down to a chair next to his. “... Shit. ZiM?”

“ZiM."

“... Maybe I should have kept an eye on him… I-I thought maybe he wasn’t a threat anymore!”

“You thought wrong!” ZiM’s voice boomed as he sprinted into the room, no longer wearing his disguise. Looking around, Dib noticed this wasn’t the usual lab set-up he had seen. It just looked like a storage room. Random cardboard boxes were piled up around them, filled with various trinkets, and what looked like Christmas decorations, for whatever reason.

“It is I, ZiM!” ZiM exclaimed, raising his arms upright.

“ZiM! I thought–”

“I already said you thought wrong!”

“But–”

“Enough talking! ZiM has prepared something that is sure to get you to fear me again.”

“What is it? Torture? Mind control?”

“Being here is already torture enough.” Gaz scowled.

“Exactly!” ZiM smiled warmly. “Just being here is horrible for you! Right?”

“... I guess?” Dib said, but it was more of a question.

Zim clasped his hand behind his back. “Now, prepare for your doom!” Zim grinned before rushing towards one of the piles of cardboard boxes, rummaging through it like a madman.

“You’ll never get away with… What are you doing, exactly?”

“Ahah!” ZiM pulled out some strange box. ZiM snapped his fingers. A large computer screen slowly moved into view. It attached a strange, metallic tendril to the box, the screen flashing a few times.

Dib looked around the room, looking for an escape. Gaz opened her eyes for a split second in confusion, before closing them again.

ZiM leapt in front of both of them. “Behold!” The screen showed a logo in a language neither of the humans understood, playing some upbeat music. ZiM grabbed a remote.

“So it is brainwashing! I think. I… Wait, ZiM, is this a movie?”

Zim stared at both of them for what felt like an eternity, before shyly responding with a quiet “Yes.”

“... You kidnapped us. So we could watch a movie.”

“Not just any movie! It’s an Irken film! A much superior film to your human movies! It will just— It will terrify you!”

“Couldn’t you have just asked us to come over?”

“I would have said no.” Gaz said.

“I mean, I probably would have said no, too, but did you have to hit me on the head?”

“This is not a normal movie! It’s… It’s superior!”

“So… It’s Irken propaganda, right?”

“I-I… Well… Oh.” ZiM’s expression softens slightly. “Oh. Uh… Yes. Kind of. But you humans have your propaganda, too!”

“Sure, we do, but–”

“You have your weird paranormal hunting group propaganda, you have your scary– Uh– Video game— Uh– What is it that you do again?” ZiM point an accusatory clawed finger to Dib, then to Gaz.

“I’m not part of any of that lame stuff.” The girl probably rolled her eyes, but it was hard to tell with them closed.

“Right. But– Uh– Where was I going with this? So many creatures have these types of movies!”

“How is this going to terrify us?” Dib asked, before trying to chew at the restraints around one of his wrists in a poor attempt to escape.

“I… Well… It will show you why Irkens are feared across the universe!”

“Maybe the other ones.”

“Eh?! W-What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Let’s face it, ZiM” Dib looked back at ZiM. “You like to try and invade Earth, and that was scary when I was like, 12, but now, you’re just kind of my weird neighbor/frenemy. I guess kidnapping me kind of brought back that fear for a split second, but… It’s gone now that I know you’re basically just having us over for a movie night.”

“... Ugh!” ZiM groaned, throwing the remote towards the wall. He slumped forwards onto the floor, sniffling. “Computer! Computer, just… Just let them go. Fuck.”

The restraints on the chairs retract into the armrests. Gaz stands up immediately, while Dib slowly gets up, staring at ZiM.

“Hey. Next time you have us over, make it video games.” Gaz demanded. “I don’t like movies."

“... Sure.” ZiM sat upright.

Dib started to walk past ZiM, before awkwardly stopping mid-step. “Look, uh… I get you wanna be scary, but… Why?”

“My Tallest– They may not see it, but ZiM is still an Invader! I-I— I just— i thought–” ZiM started to sob. Gaz and Dib both scrunched up their faces, then looked at each other in confusion.

“I was trying to be nice.” Gaz stated plainly, shrugging her shoulders.

“I know.” ZiM sighed.

“... So should we leave, or–?”

“I think being on this awful planet for so long made me go soft or something!” ZiM cried. He made it seem like a deep, dark confession, starting to sweat. He awkwardly rubbed his hands together to self-soothe. “But if I go back to Irk, my Tallest will put me on trial again– Or even worse– They might just kill me immediately!"

“Uh–” Dib raised an eyebrow, confused, before snickering Gaz joined in. After a moment of laughter, ZiM looked deeply offended, one hand on his chest.

“Hey! I mean… I guess I should be glad that you’re laughing, or… Maybe not. I don’t know anymore.”

“I think you’re overreacting a bit, man.” Dib grinned. “No offense, but… You’ve been ‘soft’ for a while now, mostly.”

“What?!”

“Yesterday I saw you help an old woman cross the street.”

“So?! She was tall!”

“You gave a kid in class a birthday gift.”

“ZiM had leftover junk that I needed to get rid of!”

“I know you’ve been reading to the primary Skool kids for a while now.”

“Because I’m great at teaching! That’s all!”

“... Right.”

“That all means nothing!” ZiM held up his hands in self-defense. “ZiM is still an Invader, alright? I-I just… I’m just getting to know it’s filthy inhabitants a little bit more so that it’s easier to destroy them.”

“And you didn’t get attached to any of them?”

“Of course not?”

“So if you destroyed that new kid you like so much… You’d feel nothing, right?”

“Of course not!” ZiM wiped a few tears from his eyes, then sweat from his forehead, before crossing his arms. “I destroy things all of the time. They would be no exception.”

“... And you don’t even care about your servants?”

“I-I…” His eyes widened. “Alright, ZiM knows what you’re trying to do! ZiM may be… Slightly different nowadays, but that doesn’t mean I won’t destroy you, too.”

“That didn’t answer my question.” Dib smirked smugly. “But I think I know the answer already.”

“Enough!” ZiM began to shove Dib towards Gaz. “Get out of my house! This was a mistake! This never happened!”

“See you at Skool tomorrow, ZiM.”

“Fine! To fight!”

“I can’t fight tomorrow, I’ve got a presentation?”

“Dib-sister?”

“I’d fight you, but you wouldn’t win.”

“... I can work with that.”

“Cool.”

“Yes, yes, ZiM is very cool, now leave!”

“That’s not what I–”

ZiM finally successfully shoved the two humans out of his house, shutting the door behind them. “Finally! Alright. I admit. That did not go as planned. But a fight is a fight! Now... GIR! Grab the snacks! Fundip! Movie night!"

"I love snacks!" GIR's voice cheered from the other room.

"Yes, yes, just-- Just go get them."

ZiM and GIR spent the rest of the day watching the movie. ZiM still couldn't help but worry about his new 'softer side'. But he could still be a great Invader. He just had to be a little bit more threatening. That wasn't so hard, right?

God, he hoped he was right.