Chapter Text
Stan sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes. His family has only recently celebrated Day of the Dead because Randy found out it existed one day and suddenly started feeling all cultural.
..Same guy who didn’t even know he was Mexican for a while.
He then looked over at Kyle. He saw that he was still sleeping, so he quietly sighed and laid back down. Stan didn’t really know what celebrating Day of the Dead was like, so he decided to invite Kyle. It ended up working out really well, considering how they wanted to do a sleepover, but originally couldn’t because of the fact that it’s a school night.
As soon as he picked up his phone to pass the time, he was greeted by a big slap in the face; a reminder that the sudden and mandatory dental work at school was TODAY.
Stan rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He gets that dentists are necessary, but he still hasn’t gotten to the point of trusting some adult to fiddle around with weird tools he’s never seen before in his mouth.
..Probably just like every kid his age.
Stan was about to mope about it some more when suddenly, he got an idea.
His eyes slowly drifted over to Kyle.
He probably has some washable spray tan laying around from Randy’s midlife crisis. Something about ‘wanting to fit in’.. Even though he’s been fine about looking white before. He can also pack a sponge to make it easier to scrub off!
He just hopes Kyle will be on board..
-
Kyle woke up to Stan sneakily putting stuff into his bag. He sat up and looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.
“..Dude. Did you wake up early *just* to pack..?” He asked, his voice still groggy.
Stan jumped a bit and looked over at him with a sheepish expression.
“Uh.. Noo.. Just woke up really early and couldn’t go back to sleep..!” He said.
Kyle narrowed his eyes a bit. But, he just accepted the answer. Kind of a stupid thing to harp on anyways.
“Whatever. Just don’t act too weird in front of Craig. I’m sure you’d want to impress him,” He muttered.
Stan blinked.
“What?” He asked.
“Nothing,” Kyle said.
Stan stared blankly for a second.
“..How does he kn-” He thought. “Agh, whatever.”
…
Stan watched as Kyle entered the room for the dental work. Once he was out of sight, he took off his bag and opened it up. He pulled out the washable spray tan, zipped the bag back up, and slung his bag over his shoulders again.
He then hid the can behind his back, acting casual as he waited for Kyle to return.
“..Jesus, this wait is killing me..” He thought. “And I’m not even sure if Kyle will agree to this! So what if it’s all for nothing??”
After a few minutes, Kyle returned from the room. He was rubbing his jaw as he walked.
Stan then stopped him from moving any farther. Kyle looked at him with a confused expression.
“Kyle, you’re my best friend. Like, in the whole world. I could never handle anyone else as my best friend!” He whispered.
Kyle narrowed his eyes, looking him up and down. He could already tell Stan was going to ask for something.
“Stan.. What do you want?” He questioned.
Stan smiled sheepishly, then he revealed the spray tan to Kyle.
“You should disguise yourself as me. I can’t do this!” Stan whispered.
Yep. There it was.
“What? No!” Kyle hissed. “First of all, that stupid spray tan is going to stay on me all day! Second of all, I don’t even know how to make it look like your skin tone! Third of all, what the hell do I even have to gain from this?”
Stan bit his lip. He knows his chances have now lowered a bunch, but he refuses to give up. He’s not getting his teeth drilled into.
“I know how to give you my skin tone, it really isn’t that hard. Also, you can scrub it off in the bathroom, I have supplies for that,” He said.
“What do I have to gain??” Kyle repeated.
“..Uhh, I’ll convince my mom to make extra food for you..?”
Kyle didn’t look impressed. At all.
“I don’t give a shit about that,” He deadpanned.
“Yes you do. You love my mom’s cooking and you know it,” Stan sighed. “Please, Kyle? I’ll do something for you after this. Anything!”
Kyle rolled his eyes and thought for a second.
On one hand, whatever they did to his teeth really hurt. Would he really do it again?
But, on the other hand.. Stan seems really adamant on not doing the dental work. He doesn’t know if he has a secret fear of dentists, or he just distrusts any adult no matter what kind of qualifications they have. Either way, Stan’s being really convincing right now..
He groaned and reluctantly nodded.
“Fine. But you owe me!” He declared.
“I know. I’ll keep my word,” Stan smiled.
He was trying his best not to start cheering. He didn’t even know he could be that convincing!
Before Kyle could even have a chance to consider changing his mind, Stan lightly grabbed him by the arm and quickly dragged him to the bathroom.
Once we got there, he closed the door.
“Alright. Give me your jacket, and I’ll give you mine,” He said.
Kyle nodded and took his jacket off. Stan took it, then he took his own jacket off and handed it to Kyle. He put it on, then Stan carefully started spraying him.
The first spray felt weird. It was cold, and it also felt a bit sticky. Kyle grimaced for a bit, then wiped the expression off his face after he got used to it. When Stan was finished, he backed up and put his fingers in an L shape. Then he smiled and gave Kyle a thumbs up.
They went into separate bathroom stalls and slid their clothes to each other. When they changed and got out, Kyle looked in the mirror and noticed that he surprisingly looked EXACTLY like Stan.
“Let me see the back of your head. Your hair is big, so I want to make sure this works,” Stan said.
Kyle turned around, then Stan started stuffing his hair into his beanie. When he was done, he smiled and gave Kyle a hug. He playfully rolled his eyes and returned the hug.
“Thanks. Dentists suck,” Stan said.
“What’s your deal, anyways? Do you have a secret fear of dentists or something?” Kyle asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No, I just think it’s weird that people get paid to put tools in your mouth.”
“STAN MARSH, WHERE ARE YOU?” Someone called, interrupting Kyle before he got a chance to respond.
“Your time to shine, dude,” Stan smiled. “Good luck.”
Kyle rolled his eyes and walked out of the bathroom.
“God damn it, why am I doing this..” He murmured.
When Kyle got back to the room, he tried his best to mimic Stan’s usual demeanor. Luckily, they didn’t seem to suspect a thing.
..Not like they’d know, anyways. They’ve never seen the real Stan.
“You’re late,” One of the dentists said.
Kyle cleared his throat and did his best impression of Stan.
“Sorry, I had to use the bathroom,” He said.
..Technically the truth. Or something.
“You’re excused..” One of the dentists sighed. “So, we’re just going to do a checkup and a gum treatment.”
Kyle nodded, then he laid in the dental chair. He opened his mouth, then he realized that the dentist was heading for the same side he got the treatment in.
“Can you do the other side?” He asked.
“May I ask why?” The dentist questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“...Ulcer. Too much Mexican food. It can do that.”
The two people in the room exchanged glances, then the one who hadn't spoken shrugged.
“I don't see why not,” She shrugged.
-
Stan was waiting for Kyle in the bathroom when he heard footsteps coming in. He wasn’t surprised when he saw Kyle walking in.
“Ugh, my jaw is killing me,” He muttered. “I still can’t believe I did it again.”
“Well, think of it this way.. You helped your best friend,” Stan smiled. “Now let me scrub that tan off you, and you can go back to being you.”
Kyle sighed as Stan wet the sponge he brought and walked closer to Kyle. Kyle then took off his jacket and let Stan scrub him. After a bit, Stan randomly stopped.
“Um.. It’s.. Not coming off,” He muttered.
Kyle quickly snapped his head over at the spot Stan was scrubbing.
“What??” He exclaimed.
Stan then laughed and lifted the sponge, revealing that it actually was coming off. Kyle groaned and facepalmed.
“Why? Why are you like this?” He grumbled.
When Stan finished scrubbing, he squeezed the sponge and wrapped it in quite a few paper towels. He put it back in his bag, the spray tan following soon after.
-
When they got to class, they sat down and waited for everyone else to be done with the dental work.
“How was it?” The Mole asked once Kyle sat in his seat.
“It was.. Ok, I guess. This sneaky little bitch made me take it twice for him so he didn’t have to do it though,” Kyle muttered, gesturing at Stan.
Stan turned and waved at The Mole. He started snickering, which caused Kyle to huff and nudge him.
It didn’t take too long for the rest of the class to come back. And soon, Mr. Garrison followed suit.
“Alright children, let’s take our seats,” He said, closing the door behind him.
He then got to his desk and sat on it, facing the rest of the class.
“Since everyone here has done their dental work, there’s a mandatory test this class will have to take,” He explained.
As if on cue, a woman in a suit walked in holding a clipboard. Everyone turned to look at her as she went to the front of the room.
“Mr Garrison, you’re needed in the office. I can supervise,” She said.
“Oh, ok then,” Mr Garrison shrugged. “Class, this is Ms. Crawford. Treat her with the same amount of respect you treat me.”
“Mr Garrison, we don’t treat you with respect,” Craig said.
Everyone started snickering, but Stan found himself snickering more than everyone else.
He’s been feeling the same feelings he felt with Wendy. Only this time, they were directed towards Craig.
It was weird. Weren’t they supposed to be rivals?
“Oh. Well just treat her with respect,” Mr. Garrison said.
Once he walked out, Ms. Crawford took a stack of papers from her clipboard and started handing them out.
“The test starts now,” She said.
Once the last student got their test, everyone started working.
Suddenly, something weird happened. Most of the people in the class seemed to robotically sit up straight and stare off into space. Stan noticed from the corner of his eye, then he looked around in shock.
He looked over at Kyle. He was doing the same.
He looked at Craig. He was just as confused as he was. After looking at each other for a bit, they both briefly scanned the room. The only other people that weren’t affected were The Mole, Wendy, and Bebe. Technically Butters too, considering how his desk is empty. But, Stan and Craig were mostly focused on each other.
Stan and Craig glanced around one last time, then they did what everyone else was doing.
Stan watched as Ms Crawford looked at one person at a time. Everytime she looked at someone, she wrote something on the clipboard she had. When she got to Stan, she looked a bit suspicious. He acted as robotic as he could, trying not to cause anything. Eventually, she looked satisfied and wrote something.
Stan moved his eyes around and looked at the affected people around him. Their fingers started twitching. He grimaced, then quickly wiped that look off his face and started twitching his fingers as well.
Eventually, everyone went back to normal. They did their exams as usual. However, Stan had the most shocked look on his face.
“What the actual HELL was that!?“ Stan thought.
-
“Alright, tests are done. You all are dismissed for lunch,” Ms. Crawford said.
However, a bit after she dismissed everyone, the same thing happened. Everyone did the same robotic freezing thing. Stan quickly did the same, kind of getting the hang of the robotic act at this point. That was when Ms. Crawford started talking on the phone“Everyone seemed fine except for Stan, Christophe, Bebe, Wendy, and Craig. I think there’s been a glitch or something,” She said. “Turn it off, wait a few seconds, then turn it back on.”
She got off the phone, and everyone went back to normal. Stan quickly caught up to Kyle as everyone walked to lunch. When he did, he started questioning him.
“What was that??” Stan asked.
“What.. was what?” Kyle asked.
“That thing you and 90 percent of the class were doing.”
“Stan.. What are you talking about???”
Stan rolled his eyes and did a demonstration on what he saw. Kyle just looked more confused.
“I think the dental work messed something up in his brain,” Cartman sneered.
“DUDE, SHUT UP,” Stan hissed.
“Stan, are you ok?” Kyle asked softly.
“Perfectly fine.”
When they got to the lunch line, they waited like normal. But then, when they grabbed their food and sat at their usual table, Craig kept looking at Stan. Stan looked at him back.
They stared at each other as they ate their food. Clyde and Tolkien noticed, so they looked at Stan, then at Craig, then back at Stan.
The longer this went on, the more nauseous Stan started feeling.
“God damn it. Keep it together…” He thought.
This staredown went on for a few more seconds. Then, Kyle piped up.
“Stan,” Kyle said.
Stan snapped out of his focus on Craig and looked over at Kyle.
“Yeah?” He asked.
“Why are you and Craig staring at each other?” Kyle asked.
“...Uh.. Because we’re bonding..??”
“By staring?”
“Yeah!”
“Whatever dude.”
-
At recess, Stan was going to talk to Kyle until Craig dragged him away. The same nausea feeling came again, but he tried his hardest to ignore it and keep the vomit inside his body.
“Dude!” Stan exclaimed.
“You didn’t freeze like everyone else,” Craig said.
“..No?”
“Did you do the dental work?”
“Nah, I convinced Kyle to disguise himself as me so he can do it for me. Why?”
“I didn’t do the dental work either.”
“Uh.. That’s good.. Why’re you telling me?”
Before Craig could speak, everyone did the same weird thing again. Me and Craig pretended to do it just to fit in. This time, it lasted for a while.
Eventually, everyone went back to normal. That was when Mr. Mackey went to me and Craig.
“Craig, you’re being sent to my office for your behavior, mkay?” He said.
Craig flipped him off as Stan just awkwardly stood there, getting the urge to just walk away.
“CRAIG! THIS IS WHY YOU’RE BEING SENT TO MY OFFICE YOUNG MAN,” Mr. Mackey scolded.
Craig walked away with Mr. Mackey. Stan just sighed and went back to Kyle.
“Guess we’ll talk about this later…” He muttered.