Chapter Text
Concert night at the bar Suguru works at, and there’s an up-and-coming band singing today. Lead vocal is cute as button - he’s got that Pucca hairstyle as a signature look and a heavy make-up. Red smokey eye and a line of black over the bridge of his nose. It’s obvious that he’s at least half of the appeal, what with all the girls that are crowding in front of the stage.
Suguru’s been working at this place for a while now, ever since college when he realized just how much money he can make as a bartender, so he prides himself on being able to tell which bands have real potential to make it big or not. He thinks these guys got what it takes - Cursed Womb is sufficiently edgy, and their pretty front man definitely helps appeal to a lot of potential fangirls. And the music’s not bad, that romance heavy goth metal that Suguru used to listen to when he was a teenager too, feels a little nostalgic.
“He’s cute, isn’t he?” Yuki Tsumuko asks him, pointing towards the lead singer on stage. She’s their manager, Suguru knows, since she’s been fussing over them since the sound rehearsal earlier that day. She's a tall woman with a big ass that wears biker boots and flirts with absolutely everyone.
“He is, yeah - ” Suguru agrees, though he’s not really Suguru’s type. Dating too close within his own subculture type gets boring fast - what would they do? Brush each other’s hair and share the same eyeliner?
Yuki throws him a look, interested.
“Not your type, hmm. What is your type, then?”
Suguru has to pour drinks to a group of girls. One of them has a very low cut dress and she’s obviously feeling confident in it, because she keeps pressing her arms against her boobs and making them stick out. Cute. He smiles at them and they tip him extra. Meanwhile, Yuki’s humming along with the music and clicking her nails on the bar.
“I don’t really have a type,” he answers her.
“Oooooh, so do you fancy yourself an equal opportunity slut, then?” She jokes, and takes a swing of her Asashi.
“I suppose.”
“Right, right.” Yuki seems like the kind that’s one “That’s bullshit, by the way. Everyone has a type. Even if you don’t admit it to yourself.”
One song switches to the other, and the lightning in the venue starts playing and dancing, fake smoke everywhere, the singer’s melodic voice making the audience swoon.
“I’m just not really picky, I suppose.”
Yuki smirks at him and taps her finger on her lip, like she’s thinking. Lowers her lashes. Shows teeth.
“You wanna know what my type is?”
“Sure - ”
“It’s pretty boys with long hair. Especially if they wear make-up.”
Suguru chuckles.
“Oh, is the make-up part important.”
“Very important. I like to make it drip down their faces.”
Suguru raises a pierced eyebrow and lowers his lashes, heavy with mascara, black eyeliner rimming his eyes. He looks at the blonde woman aggressively hitting on him and the dude singing on stage.
“Does this sort of line usually work for you?”
“Yes, it does,” she nods, and she ogles him like she’s a dirty old man, “It’s working for you too.”
Suguru just laughs at her and walks away, but her confident, smug smile follows him the whole evening.
After the band finishes their set, the lead singer comes over to get a drink too, and Yuki swings her arm over his shoulder.
“Hey, Choso - have you met Suguru yet?” he hears her say to him, “He’s coming back to the hotel with us tonight.”
“Is that true, Suguru-san?”
Suguru smiles at him as he gives him a drink, and he takes it gratefully. Suguru makes sure to let their fingers accidentally brush against each other. Choso’s eyes snap at Suguru, and their gazes lock. Suguru bites his lip.
“I wouldn’t want to intrude on you two - ”
Yuki bats her eyelashes and whispers to Choso, semi-conspiratorial, but making sure Suguru hears it -
“He likes to play coy. ”
“Does he?”
Yuki grins at him like she wants to eat him and Choso's interest is just extremely evident.
After he finishes his shift and closes up, he ends up following Choso and Yuki back to their hotel, because if there's one thing he's not gonna miss, it's a threesome.
Suguru ends up on his knees between the two of them - Yuki's dick is longer than her boyfriend's, but he’s got a piercings on his and it’s a little thicker. She holds his head by the hair and pushes him on her cock, thrusting into his mouth, before pulling him off and making him suck off her man.
“He’s really good at it, don't you think, Choso?” Suguru sucks his cock harder just then and swirls his tongue over the tip, making it impossible for him to answer. He just moans, high and needy, and Yuki coos encouragingly, pets Suguru’s head and his cheek.
They both take turns fucking him. Yuki likes fucking his ass more, and Choso very politely taps his cock against Suguru’s mouth. They kiss while he's being spit roasted between them, it's actually pretty cute. Then Yuki gives his ass a particularly hard thrust and makes him see stars, cumming all over the hotel sheets.
Yuki finishes in his ass and then jerks off her boyfriend to make him cum in Suguru’s face. It’s pretty hot. He makes really high, whimpery noises. 10/10.
“Can we get your number? This was so fun, we should do it again sometimes.” Yuki asks, while Choso kneels down next to him with a towel in his hand to wipe Suguru’s face. He looks very embarrassed, but Suguru thinks that’s cute. He winks at him.
It takes about half an hour before they're ready to go again.
Early in the morning, Suguru sneaks out of the hotel room to go home. His ass hurts, because at one point Yuuki wanted to see if they both fit in there and the stretch was a little too much so he's limping a little. Whatever, it was fun.
He goes home, showers, scrubs himself clean, takes a nap. Sets his alarm to wake him up at 12:30.
At 12:30 he wakes up, gets dressed, does his hair. Puts rollers in his hair while he does his make-up.
He's home alone today because his roommate is in a business trip.
By 5:30 he's out the door and goes out to meet his date.
Kento Nanami works at Dentsu, but they’ve chatted enough so that Suguru knows he hates it. He goes to wait for him in the lobby of his office building with a coffee to go, thinking it'll be a surprise. Everyone is looking at him funny - Suguru’s dressed in all black, has long loose hair, face obviously full of make-up and bunch of piercing. Of course office workers stare, and he doesn’t really care if they do.
It’s 7:25 in the evening when Nanami comes out of the elevator, and Suguru goes to greet him with a smile.
“Hey you - tired?”
Nanami looks incredibly tired, but he looks Suguru up and down and smiles at him, the tips of his ears turning red. He obviously likes what he sees.
The two of them met on a dating app - Suguru was bored one evening so he downloaded an app, scrolled around a bit, found Nanami. They’ve been chatting on and off for a while, and finally decided to go on a date together.
Nanami confessed to having a bit of a wilder side when he was younger, still got scars from his own snakebites piercings and eyebrow bar, things Suguru is still rocking around with happily. Suguru told him the story of how he pierced his own tongue in the bathroom when he was sixteen. They’re compatible as friends, that’s for sure.
Nanami’s a bit shorter than him - not that that would be a problem, but Suguru quickly realizes that despite being handsome and the fact that they click together well enough, there’s something missing there and he can’t quite put his finger on what. A lack of genuine chemistry.
It's a shame because they have a lot in common, and Nanami seems nice and reliable.
“I've recently started to make sourdough bread at home. I have a very carefully brewed starter that I use.”
“Ah, I see.”
“It’s a very relaxing hobby. Helps me calm down after a stressful day at work.”
Maybe Suguru can salvage this somehow. He put so much work into his hair and make-up, he looks so good today, and he really does want a serious relationship with a steady, reliable guy.
“You should teach me how to knead bread. I've never done that before.”
He has long nails and keeps them painted black. Wears rings on almost every finger. But he'll do it if it means getting this guy to loosen up.
This is how Suguru ends up in Nanami’s apartment, making bread. Bread. Bred . Hehe.
Suguru is looking to get bred, and honestly this isn’t a promising start to it. He’ll probably have to be the one making the first move.
Suguru times it just right, when Nanami walks up behind him to check on the dough. He leans back against his chest, smiles at him. Nanami smiles back, a little taken aback and awkward.
“Suguru?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake -
Suguru doesn’t say anything, he just moves a little and bridges the gap between them. It’s a nice kiss, all in all, but when Suguru expects it to go further, it’s not quite as easy. They have a couple of false starts before they end up in bed.
“I don’t want to rush you into anything - ” Nanami says, as Suguru takes off his tie, and he almost wants to roll his eyes. Suguru’s not gonna date a guy more than once if they’re not sexually compatible, he at least needs to see what he has to work with.
“You’re such a gentleman, aren’t you? So well manner. I should reward you for it.”
It takes Nanami a little longer than Suguru’s liking to get hard, but the poor guy is so nervous - what else can you expect? Suguru knows he’s a little intimidating, which is why he needs someone to match that energy.
It’s not bad sex, and Nanami’s dick is nice, but he’s so polite and proper about his thrusts that it’s almost mechanical, and very clean. Nanami has both latex and non-latex condoms ready for him. He has a very steady thump-thump-thump rhythm. Doesn’t even pull Suguru’s hair.
And after it’s done, he wants to clean up first and cuddle after - gives Suguru pajamas and everything.
“You can take off your make-up in the bathroom, there’s things. I’ll just change the sheets while you shower.”
Suguru can’t help but feel a little disappointed by how clinical it all it. Technically all correct but -
Suguru likes messiness. And he likes pushy, mean men that’ll bend him over the kitchen counter. And he doesn’t really like to make the first move himself, he likes it to play it coy a little and make them work for it. Maybe they can work on the sex itself, but there’s no changing a dude’s personality, short of knocking him over the head and hoping he’ll get a personality switch.
He sighs. A waste of time, then.
He goes to the bathroom, looks at himself in the mirror and frowns. Tonight is a bust.
Suguru takes out his phone, looks at it, does a quick timezone conversion in his head.
sgr :) :(
my date was a bust :(
str ❤️:
deservrd u only date losers and bums
wanna see what im eating
Satoru sends him a picture of cookie that's 3 times the size of a regular cookies and decorated with thick pink frosting. It looks disgusting, but Satoru’s always eating shit like that.
While he’s home, Suguru does most of the cooking, or they eat out. He does his best to limit Satoru’s sugar intake simply because he’s convinced at some point it'll all catch up to him. That said, Satoru travels a lot, and when he's away, he indulges in these scary looking monstrosities. Suguru snorts, and smiles.
He goes out of the bathroom, runs to the kitchen and takes pictures of the bread from every angle. Picks up the sourdough jar too, takes a picture and sends them to Satoru.
sgr :)
my date likes bread.
but not the fun kind :(
“What are you doing?” Nanami asks, coming to the kitchen and seeing Suguru smiling and giggling at him phone. Satoru’s sending him a series of progressively more unhinged selfies, probably in an effort to make him laugh off his malaise.
“Oh, it's just my roommate. He’s on a business trip and I'm talking to him.”
Suguru explains, and continues texting Satoru.
He senses that Nanami is a little worried about it, but he’s not about to explain himself. Him and Satoru have known each other for so long now, and he's the most important person in Suguru’s life, easily.
And he knows a lot of people are a little weirded out by how close they are, but Satoru never cared from propriety so Suguru tries not to worry about it too much. He knows it’s a problem whole dating, but whoever dates him must deal with his relationship with Satoru eventually so better expose them to it from the start.
“Do you have any butter? Think we can eat some of that bread we made?”
Suguru munches in thick slices of still warm sourdough with butter and salt all over it. He almost moans when he bites into it.
Next day he's disappointed and sad, but at least he got to eat homemade sourdough. Nanami sends him on his way with a whole loaf, they decide to keep in touch but only as friends.
He gets called into work early, because his boss wants to talk to him. Sukuna owns the bar Suguru’s working at - he’s a decent boss, but he’s got a terrible temper. Suguru likes him though, because he’s got a PHD in Heian Era Poetry, and Suguru also studied literature in college - that is, before he crashed and burned, had a mental breakdown and dropped out in year three.
In another life, it would have been cool to have a PHD in Heian Era poetry, and sometimes he asks Sukuna to tell him shit about his research back them. Sometimes he thinks he should probably go back to school and finally finish, but there’s always something…
He’s a little off balanced when he gets into work, head in the clouds and hard to focus. Disappointing date, being home alone until Satoru comes back, a little restlessness. Feeling floaty.
When he gets to the bar, Sukuna looks pissed at him. He’s got that scowl of his, where his lower lip is jutting out. Not really a pout because Sukuna doesn’t fucking pout, he’s a huge man with tattoos on is face and his arms and shoulders - but it’s definitely displeasure and mild annoyance.
“You know, that band that came here to to sing these past few days.”
Suguru sighs. Oh boy. He knows where this is meant to go.
“ Cursed Womb. They’re really nice. I like them.”
“Yeah, funny - they liked you too. They liked you so much that their manager even came to ask me where you where. Why wasn’t the cute bartender here today, did we scare him off?” he even made his voice higher pitches to match Yuki’s. Suguru cringes because he kinda knows where this is going.
“ Now, Sukuna…”
“Didn’t I tell you to stop fucking sleeping with everyone that comes here? The musicians. The new waiting staff. The bouncers . Can’t you just sleep with the clients like everyone else and stop fucking around with the people we’re all supposed to work with?”
“Oh come on, it never got in the way of anything! No one ever complains!”
Sukuna has a problem with his sleeping-around habits. At least part of it comes from the fact that Suguru confuses him - his words, not Suguru’s - and that he walked in on Suguru getting his back blown out in the bathroom once. Suguru thinks he wouldn’t actually care if he were a girl.
“You’re a pain. I should fire you -”
Suguru’s too grown up to roll his eyes, but he knows how to deal with this - walks to steps ahead and gets up in Sukuna’s space, leaning in and almost touching his nose to his. Grabs the buckle of his belt and start opening.
“Now boss - do you really wanna do that? I’m sure we can figure something out, no need to throw me out onto the streets.”
It’s a little dramatic, and he bats his eyelashes for effect too.
“Hmmm. Maybe. I’ll consider it….” pause for effect, “...if you make it worth my time.”
Suguru smiles at him and drops to his knees. Hopes that any coworkers or vendors will be smart enough to knock on the door before coming into Sukuna’s office.
The thing with Sukuna is that he’s straight - or mostly straight, Suguru and other potential escapades not included - he has a long term partner at home and everything, Suguru’s even met Uraume a few times. But he also never kisses Suguru, never undresses him fully, never fucks him. Has all these weird ass boundaries that if you don’t do this and that, it’s not actually cheating. If Suguru just sucks him off, it’s doesn’t really count.
It’s not really Suguru’s business to clock his hypocritical boss on whatever weird flexible ideas he has about sex. They do this roleplay thing every now and then, where Sukuna threatens to fire him or punish him somehow, and Suguru acts like a naughty employee and sucks his dick to appease him, and then they dont talk about it for another six months. It’s a thing
Suguru is reasonably certain Sukuna is not gonna fire him even if he didn’t suck his dick, but this adds a little something spicy to his work life.
Speaking of Sukuna’s dick - he’s half hard when Suguru pulls him out of his boxers, so Suguru giggles at it and looks gives it a kiss.
“Let’s see if we can wake up this wrinkly old man to get him out to play -”
“What did you say, brat?”
Sukuna grabs him by the half-bun and shakes him, before forcing his face into his crotch. Oh, this is gonna fuck up his make-up, but he’s got things to refresh it, no problem. And he likes teasing Sukuna, because he’s got a short temper, and winding him up is fun. Suguru likes getting his face-fucked too, there’s something about it - it’s the way that guys will kinda lose it when he’s down there on his knees, and they’ll just use him like a fuck-doll.
He doesn’t have a gag reflex either, so they can go at it until they finish, no complaints on his part. It makes him feel sexy in a way few other things do, probably because they get so desperate. Even Sukuna gets desperate about it, ramming his cock in Suguru’s mouth and down his throat, and it’s going to bruise tomorrow, definitely, but it’s also just pretty hot. He likes feeling it a little afterwards.
Sukuna also likes taking it out of Suguru’s mouth and slapping it against his red mouth, dragging the tip over his cheeks before pulling Suguru back on it, forcing him down to the root. Nose against skin, balls slapping against his chin. Saliva dripping onto his chest.
“I should run a brothel with you. Only whore I'd need.”
Suguru moans when he hears that. Pushes Sukuna over the edge too, and he shoves his dick so far down Suguru’s throat he can't breathe from it, forces him to swallow his load. Stays there half a second, panting like a dog, feral grip on Suguru’s hair.
When he pulls out of Suguru’s mouth, it leave hims coughing and sputtering. Sukuna bends over him, grips his chin, forces his head.
“Guess I can't fire you after that. We're good, as long as you behave”
Suguru smiles at him through his ruined make-uo, face full of black tears and drool. He'll have to redo it.
Sukuna doesn’t wanna touch him to get him off too, predictably, so he ends up just jerking off in the bathroom, fingering his ass. It's fun in a clandestine sort of way, but after it’s done, he feels like shit.
Go figure.
Suguru spends the rest of the evening in a rotten mood - he can’t help but enjoy the attention with Sukuna, but it makes him feel gross afterwards. The way he treats him and the fact that he’s in a relationship, how it switches between moods almost schizophrenically. And to make matters worse, it’s also a night were all the college students are partying at the bar, so he’s getting hit on by all the younger guys and girls.
He’s tempted to take some of them up on their offer, but then -
Suguru sighs.
Satoru’s still not home.
Satoru’s gonna be away for a few more days yet.
Normally, after a long shift at work, he just goes home and finds Satoru glued in front of his computer. He’s either coding or playing. Sometimes he waits for him on the couch in the living room, and then Suguru just plops next to him and complains about his evening. Satoru says something like “Damn, that’s rough, wanna play Mortal Kombat ?” and while Suguru would really love for him to be more empathic sometimes, some good ole button-smashing does do the trick to relieve tension.
Him and Satoru have a routine that’s so deeply rooted in familiarity and intimacy that nothing can replace it, and whenever he’s away, Suguru gets antsy and depressed. Feels loneliness acutely, so he ends up sleeping around more than he would normally. Satoru still rolls his eyes whenever he sees Suguru’s One-Night-Stands hanging around for morning coffee or whatever, but proportionally speaking he’s much more demure and self restrained when Satoru is around.
“You’re so pretty, and you’re exactly my type, you know? Tall with a big ass.”
He laughs as he mixes drink for the group of college students that just arrived. The guy that’s been tasked with ordering is cute, and flirting, but he’s got a good boy puppy air to him that Suguru finds endearing. Shoddy pink hair, obviously homemade.
“You’re too young for me, sweetheart,” Suguru counters with smiles, and the boy pouts.
“I’m already twenty. You can’t be that much older.”
Suguru’s twenty-six, which isn’t THAT much older in the grand scheme of things, but his prefrontal cortex is fully developed which means by now he’s got 100% refined ability to fully process the pros and cons of something before making a decision. And maybe something just happens to your brain when you hit twenty five, but everyone younger than you just seems so much younger .
“Still too young,” Suguru answers with a laugh.
“Boo, fine,” the kid pouts a little, but then he takes out a pen from his pocket and scribbles something on a napkin, “If you change your mind, here’s my number. Me and my roommates would love to have you over sometimes.”
He points behind him. There’s one guys that’s huge, one guy with huge bags under his eyes that’s hunched over and looking nervous, and a girl with an orange bob that looks like she enjoys stepping on people.
“I’ll think about it, sweetie. Thank you for the offer.”
Instead of being disappointed, the kid smiles wide and nods. He writes his name down as “yuji <3” with the little heart included, and they all tip generously.
At least there’s that.
During his cigarette break, he goes outside to get some fresh air, and scrolls mindless through his phone.
Satoru’s name - or rather, Satoru’s internet alias, SixEyedSaiyan69 - pops up in a bunch of notifications from twitter. It’s not Satoru posting, but a bunch of accounts that were following up with his trip to the States and commenting about it.
Suguru’s never quite gotten used to knowning a celebrity, probably because Satoru’s always going to be a nerdy loser to him no matter now many twitter stan accounts hype him up.
Being born into one of Japan’s richest and most prestigious family wasn’t enough for him - his mom was a former model, his dad ran one of the biggest media conglomerates in Japan, and Satoru himself was gorgeous, rich and incredibly tall. All that would have been enough to make Satoru a sought after man, but that’s not the reason he was famous for.
Suguru braces himself and scrolls through the comment section under the articles. They always post them with Satoru’s pictures right next to the headlines, just because his face always gets insane amount of traction -
i can’t believe a man so hot is into all that gooner shit <///3 this is why we cant have nice things.
i hate this man because whenever i see him i want him to spit on me
don’t let his hotness distract you!!! this man is vile, don’t ever forget that!
SuperSaiyan69 is an unwashed troll, but I’d let him do things to me that would set feminism back by 50 years
Suguru sighs.
Same, socksnffrcumdrnkr00 , same.
Gojo Satoru decided he didn’t want to simply work for his father and inherent the business as a gift on the platter - he certainly will inherit it at some point, but until then, he had fully immersed himself into what he liked to call “side quest business venture” and make a name for himself in his favorite thing ever - ero games.
Satoru - natural overacheiver, good at everything he set his mind to, avid gamer and hentai connoisseur - had a vision. He wanted to make hentai games, but he wanted to make them awesome . He wanted Red Dead Redemption 2 level graphics, but make it eroge, and actual plot you could play through, and minigames, and sprawling sort of world where you could just roam, and cool bosses. Only, instead of fighting or stealthing your way through a problem, you had to quite literally fuck it.
“See, my favorite boss is the Cursed Queen. Whenever she beats you, she turns you into her breeding stud and forces you to impregnate her three hundred girl-goblin underlings, but you can beat her with the tentacle attack and debuff her by cumming on her face,” Satoru had explained.
Meanwhile, Suguru remembers just being a little embarrassed that the Cursed Queen looked a little too much like him, with long hair and similar facial expressions, because Satoru used him as a motion capture actor for some of the faces.
Gooners all across the world were jerking off to Suguru’s face as translated in the game, and oooo , best not to think of it too much. There’s even art of the Cursed Queen being gender bent into a femboy on rule34, and Suguru doesn’t know if he’s supposed to be offended or impressed by how much it looks like him.
Satoru’s company, SixEyes Infinity Gaming, had been started with the Gojo family money for the sole purpose of creating what Satoru deemed as “God Tier H-Game”, and when it finally launched after years of development, it was an instant hit. It was called Domain Expansion: Infinite Breeding Technique . Controversial, of course, but extremely successful, though reviews were mixed and often full of pearl clutching, but everyone was playing it.
Overnight almost, Satoru became the guy all streamers and vloggers were talking about. They invited him for interviews, which Suguru often advised him to decline, because if Satoru was anything, he was a nightmare conversation partner whenever he felt like he had something to prove, and interviewers got chewed up and spit up and made up relentlessly.
They tried to match his energy but they couldn’t, they just couldn’t - no one could ever match Satoru’s energy blow for blow, and he enjoyed making fools of them. Suguru just had to sit back and cringe at the poor unsuspecting assholes that thought they could win against Satoru in a battle of wits.
You’d think that would make him less likable, but somehow, everyone on the internet ate it up. Nerds thought he was super cool. Gooners everywhere claimed him as their unofficial Chad King. Girls said his attitude was disgusting but they still thirsted after him.
One time, Satoru got invited to a one-on-one interview with ex-idol turned popular game reviewer and streamer Utahime Iori, where she called his game “ irredeemable, big budget misogynistic drivel ” and he told her her musical career failed because she shrieks like a banshee and no one likes hysterical women.
Utahime threw a cup of green tea at him on live stream, which he dodged.
It was so bad it had people writing think pieces about the gender in online spaces for weeks afterwards.
Suguru gets a mild headache whenever he remembers it, but Satoru still thought it was kinda hilarious.
Until now, Suguru’s week’s been packed with a lot of stuff, but none of it was satisfying. The threesome with Yuuki and Choso was pretty nice, as far as sex goes but - one nights stands left him oddly hollow, and letting Sukuna fuck his face only added salt to the wound. Sex used to be a pretty easy cure-all back in the day, but now he was getting older, and pickier, and he wanted a partner, goddamnit, or at least someone to fuck him and cuddle him and have breakfast with him in the morning.
Whenever Suguru envisioned his perfect partner, he had a very concrete person in mind. No fantasy dream man, he knew who he wanted, but unfortunately, that was a no go.
Suguru wanted someone that was tall, and handsome, and muscular, and fun . Independent and resourceful, and quick witted. Pushy because Suguru liked pushy men, and domineering, and someone that everyone else envied a little. He had want to take care of him, maybe had a sexy jawline, big strong hands to hold down Suguru’s hips and wide shoulders so he could put his legs over them, and his blue eyes would stare adoringly at Suguru while he rode his massive --
Suguru sighs and shakes his head, takes another drag of his cigarette and smacks his head twice against the brick wall behind him. He should really go back to his shift, but he can’t stand the thought of another college student hitting on him.
At this point, Suguru has been in love with Satoru to some degree for seven years, give or take. More or less intense - he’d had flings and short relationships, on and off affairs and what not, some of them were even able to take his mind of Satoru for a bit, but inevitably, they all came up short in something. Satoru was the final fucking boss of his heart and no one was able to stand up against SixEyedSayian69, he chewed them up without breaking a sweat like the unbeatable reigning champion of Suguru’s affections.
Suguru took home man after man, and whenever Satoru met them, he made fun of them relentlessly. Gave all of them stupid little nicknames and pointed out all their flaws until could no longer deem them attractive.
“This one looks like a wet sock.”
“Weak jaw. Small dick. Looks poor.”
“Suguru, he’s shorter than you. Come on, respect yourself more.”
“This one looks like his mom washes his underwear. Do better.”
“He sounds like his balls haven’t dropped yet.”
Limp dick. Mouse-face. Girly hands. Receding hairline at 21.
No one was good enough.
And Suguru wanted to tear his hair out of his head - clearly Satoru thought no one else was good enough for Suguru, but no matter how many times and how pathetically Suguru dropped hints about being willing and ready, Satoru never took him up on it.
Satoru is only interested in sex if it’s 2D, and Suguru’s heart shattered a little whenever he heard it.
“Sweat’s gross. Other’s people sweat on me seems like a nightmare.” Satoru said once.
Another times, it was:
“Imagine kissing someone and they don’t brush their teeth. Ew.”
Then, worst of all were the periodical rants, back and forths about holes -
“Why would I want to go near anyone else’s holes? The average mouth has more bacteria than a toilet. The butthole is just the gateway to the colon and that’s where all the - ”
“Satoru!”
Suguru would shout at him, deeply embarrassed, red-faced, tears of humiliation in his eyes because why , why was he in love with this misanthropic virgin NEET. And then Satoru would just look at him awkwardly, blinking fast, like it never even crossed his mind that Suguru might get upset over it.
“God, Suguru, no need to be embarrassed about it. It’s just how biology works, and some of it is actually healthy gut bacteria, and - ”
Suguru is always, always one comment away from killing himself in front of Satoru just to traumatize him.
Why the hell is he even pining after this dude?
You see, whenever Satoru is away, Suguru goes through stages of separation anxiety.
First is denial - “It’ll be fine, I can manage on my own for a little bit.”
Then anger: “Satoru? I don’t need Satoru. Who the hell needs that asshole. Not me. In fact, I’ll show him how much I don’t need. ”
Then it’s bargaining - “If I fill up my time with people, then I won’t even think about Satoru while he’s away.”
Depression - “I’m so sad that Satoru isn’t here.”
And then, whenever he reaches the depression stage, he does usually ends up reaching for his favorite comfort dick.
Other people had comfort food. Suguru has a bad relationship with food because he’s been on-and-off bulimic since 12, so food is lowkey a stress factor that he learned how to manage, but it’s not a comfort.
And Suguru, whenever he get mildly depressed over the state of his life, he’s prone to making very very bad choices. Choices so bad that they sometimes end up making good stories to tell on dates, but nonetheless, they're still bad choices.
Like piercing his own tongue in the mirror, at his parents' house, with shitty lighting and the cheapest piercing kit he bought off the internet. Like blowing a dude much older than him at seventeen so he could get nipple piercings for free.
One time he thought about killing himself and ended up calling Satoru to say goodbye, but Satoru was in League game and before Suguru was able to get a word in, Satoru said:
“Suguru I love you, but I'm getting ganked by 3 losers, let me finish and I'm yours”
Satoru just put him on speaker and then proceeded to spend the next half hour throwing some of the most creative insults known to man at random league players while getting two pentakills and somehow by the time it ended, Suguru was laughing so hard he forgot he was thinking about offing himself afterwards.. It had been more effective than the staged interventions his mom and dad pulled when he was living at home.
Good and bad decisions.
There's a number on his phone marked “DO NOT CALL, NO MATTER WHAT!!!! DONT DO IT!!!” and the ringtone is just a voice recording of Satoru yelling “IF I SEE HIM AROUND IM CHOPPING HIS DICK OFF WITH THE WITCHER SWORD!!!”.
Suguru, in his defense, does think about it a little. Ponders with his thumb hovering above the writing, a solid ten seconds of assessing pros and cons and deciding - fuck it, he’s willing to risk it.
It has to ring a bit before the voice on the other answers, gravely and bored too.
“ What do you want, Suguru?”
“Oh wow, just like that? No hello, no how are you? Fushiguro-san, I'm hurt .”
Suguru and Toji know each other well enough that he doesn't have to use the polite honorifics with him, but he likes being a little dramatic sometimes to tease him. And he hears Toji sighing on the other end too.
“ You always want something when you call.”
True, he always does. Spot on.
“Sure. I wanted to hang out with you. Are you free? Are you doing anything tonight?”
He's definitely somewhere, since Suguru can hear people talking and movement behind him. Loud too, but avoiding Toji’s proximity. Honestly, the less he knows, the better.
“ Depends. Am I doing anything? You tell me.”
Suguru grins. This is why he likes calling Toji after a bad couple of days, because he always knows what he's gonna get, how it's gonna be. Like Burger King.
“You can come pick me from the bar after I finish my shift. Come here by 4, I think that's good. Then, we can go find a place that still serves food, I'll want something after work. And then, you can take me home.” A pause, and Toji mhhmmms while Suguru rolls his eyes and adds, “Satoru’s not home, don't worry. I wouldn’t invite you over if he was, I don't like dealing with how you two piss on the carpet to establish dominance.”
That makes Toji laugh, like he agrees.
“ Well it's not my fault you haven't neutered him yet ”
“No one’s neutered you yet, and you're older.”
“ Touche. I suppose you have yourself to blame then, for liking nasty men.”
Suguru almost chucks the phone against the wall for that, but whatever. He’s not wrong.
“Are you coming, or not?”
“Yeah, princess, no need to use that tone. I’ll come pick you up when you’re done there.”
God, it’s such a bad idea, but he needs to get his rocks off somehow.
Suguru’s bedroom features heavy traffic.
Men come and go.
None of them stay long and they rarely keep his interest hooked - but out of all of them, Toji Fushiguro probably came the closest to stealing him away from Satoru.
He’s waiting for Suguru outside of the club when he comes out, and he smirks, and it’s really charming. He’s a scar on the side of his mouth and Suguru probably heard four different stories about how he got it, but he doesn’t think any of them are true. Doesn’t matter though, it’s just adds to the overall appeal of him.
Suguru looks him up and down, lingering on the too tight shirt and the very bulging muscles and lower, and -
Wait .
“Are those Satoru’s Prada boots?”
“Wow. First thing that comes out of your mouth? Not even a hello?”
Suguru frowns and bends down slightly - yup. Definitely Satoru’s Prada Chelsea boots, the one that he swore up and down that Toji stole last time he came over, and Suguru desperately tried to say Satoru probably just misplaced them, and they’ll show up eventually.
‘ Yeah, they’ll show up on that’s loser’s feet, because he keeps stealing my shit! ’
“I can’t believe you stole Satoru’s boots. Those were brand new!”
“Exactly. Wouldn’t have taken them if he had worn them, I don’t wanna share foot sweat with that guy.”
“Why the hell would you steal Satoru’s boots? Do you know how angry he was over this? He said he’ll cut your dick off with the Witcher sword when he catches you, and I think he means it.”
“What’s a witcher?”
Suguru grits his teeth, frustrated.
Toji isn’t really that old. He just turned forty last year, and he looks really really good for any age, but he has a phone with buttons, sent dick picks with flash on, and one time thought a PS5 controller was a gimmicky sex gadget.
“It’s a guy from a game.”
“Huh. Loser shit, hmmm . Anyways, the overgrown brat and I have the same shoe size. It’s hard to find good quality boots when you wear a size 47.”
Suguru crosses his arms over his chest and gives him a look .
Unfortunately, Toji had the habit of stealing stuff from wherever they went. When he came over, he often picked up something before leaving - Satoru’s Prada boots. Satoru’s Cartier sunglasses. Satoru’s protein powder. Satoru’s Eau d’Orange Verte cologne.
“It’s not like he’s misses any of this shit, is it? He’s richer than God, he can buy himself new boots.” Toji rolls his eyes and Suguru can’t really disagree. Things like that don’t matter to Satoru at all. If anyone else made off with his boots, or sunglasses, or his protein powder, he probably wouldn’t give a shit and just buy a new pair - but since it’s Toji is the only reasonable suspect, Satoru gets annoyed and argues with Suguru about it.
It’s not the boots, it’s just that he doesn’t like Toji, and the feeling is mutual.
Satoru and Toji have the same sort of relationship that a pair of intact bulldogs have when they get into each other’s territory. They growl and bark and snap at each other.
If Toji wanted to steal Satoru’s things without leaving a trace, he could. Toji just liked being petty, and made it so that Satoru always knew but could never really prove it, because their beef went two ways and neither man was fond of the other.
This left Suguru a little stranded, so he could only really go around sleeping with his favorite situationship if Satoru wasn’t home, if he was willing to go to Toji’s house(not gonna do that) or a love hotel(did that sometimes, 8/10, but not ideal).
Whenever Satoru’s not around and he gets an itch he can’t scratch, he calls him up because he’s simply the old favorite roster staple. Toji knows it too, and he always willing to provide what Suguru needs.
The matter of the boots is dropped. Suguru just doesn’t wanna deal with that.
“You know, I’m not in the mood for this convo. Let’s just go eat and we’ll revisit it later.” Suguru says, runs his fingers through his hair, shakes his head like a horse and gets into Toji’s car. Gives him a kiss on the cheek before getting in too.
They drive around silently, though mostly because Suguru’s ears are still ringing with the loud music from the club. Presses his cheek against the window.
“So how have you been lately, when you’re not in stealing Satoru’s boots?”
A laugh. Gruff and familiar.
“You know. Same old, same old. One of the women I was seeing - her husband caught me with her and I had to punch him on my way out. Now she won’t speak to me because she says I broke her husband’s nose.”
“Usual adultery problems.”
“Ain’t that right! And you know, that shit is annoying .”
Toji’s type is usually married, and women, so Suguru’s the odd one out of the equation. Like he’s a dedicated gym bro and Suguru is his cheat meal, a treat he gets from time to time, a break from his steady diet of sexy, bored middle aged housewives with rich husbands.
They go to eat, where Suguru pays because he always pays whenever he’s the one that ask Toji over, and then he takes him back to the apartment and proceeds to rearrange his guts just like Suguru was hoping would happen.
Tears down his face, face smushed into the pillow, drool on his mouth, Toji’s hand fisted in his hair. Until his legs shake.
He falls asleep before his head even hits the pillow, and in the morning he wakes up actually feeling rested. Proper orgasm will do that for you, even if the one providing them snores.
When Suguru dropped out of college, he was a mess. A proper mess - lost 15 kilos in three months, got an ulcer, his hair was falling out in chunks. He moved back into his parent’s home, where he had peace that lasted approximately three weeks before they tried to hospitalize him.
During the same time, Satoru trying to reach him, but his parents thought his state was partially Satoru’s fault so they didn’t let him contact Suguru, and Suguru himself was really too ashamed of how sick he was to let Satoru see him. Satoru called and texted and emailed and came to Iwate to see him only to be refused, over and over.
Suguru’s parents were unflinching in their denial. They wanted their son to get over this rich city boy that presumably broke his heart and made him give up on his future, and they wanted to get him back on his feet and possibly back into school. Suguru didn’t correct them with anything - he barely talked to anyone at all.
And then, one night, he woke up sharply because someone literally broke through the mosquito net on his bedroom window. Startled, he jumped up, only to see Satoru there, leaves in his hair, scratches on his face, bits of the mosquito netting caught in his clothes.
“You weren’t answering my calls, you were refusing to see me! I had to do something !”
So Suguru just looked at him, his tall bean sprout best boy, handsome and silly as he was, red faced and worried about him, and he fell in love so hard. He started laughing and crying at the same time, unable to really focus on one emotion because all the emotions were coming at him at the same time.
Satoru panicked and jumped to comfort him - as best as Satoru knew how to do that, which wasn’t much. He basically just tackled Suguru to the bed, holding him close, letting snot, tears and saliva stain his shirt. Satoru’s hand on the back of his head, pressing him harder into himself, forcing Suguru to fold under the affection. All of it made him just cry harder.
Eventually, he fell asleep like that, and when he woke up, Satoru was still there.
“Come back to Tokyo with me. You don’t have to go to school. You don’t have to work. You don’t have to do anything other than live with me. You can do whatever you want, I just don’t - ”
Suguru’s heart did things he had no idea hearts could do. Flipping and flopping and sliding and sewing itself back together. He wanted Satoru to kiss him so bad. He was so smitten with him.
But Satoru didn't want him like that, no matter how many unintentionally romantic things he did, and it fucked with his head. Satoru would hold him in his arms, tell him how he’s gonna take care of him, and just…not fuck him afterwards?
That was when Suguru realized, some things about their situation:
1 - Satoru was probably the love of his life.
2 - Satoru just didn’t want him like that.
3 - He had to be fine with it and accept it as it was.
So Suguru moved in with Satoru, into the Gojo family apartment they still shared, and Satoru picked up on doing all the things he knew how to get Suguru up on his feet. He offered to get them a maid and a cook from the main house, but when Suguru refused - Satoru learned to cook for him, he learned how to do laundry. He picked Suguru up from the floor in front of the toilet whenever he had a purge. He brushed his hair so it wouldn’t get matted. He wiped vomit and drool and snot from Suguru’s face with the back of his sleeve and then hugged him to his chest and let him sleep in his arms.
Satoru went about fixing Suguru with the same attitude he went into any of his projects - getting 100% of side quests completed or learning how to built a car battery from scratch in their kitchen, or helping your best friend who’s deeply in love with you to get back on his feet after a depressive episode that would make Sylvia Plath proud.
During that time, Suguru hadn’t actually given up hope that maybe his relationship with Satoru might become more than that at some point. It took a while for that to settle in, and even now, the hope of something more with Satoru was like a self-spawning creature that just popped in and out of existence at random moments to ruin his life.
And Satoru’s possessiveness, his protectiveness and jealousy whenever he brought someone back home, all of it made it so much worse - but in a way, he still foolishly hoped that these things would eventually lead to a breaking point: either Suguru would find a man he was truly attracted to, someone that could break the curse Satoru had on him and finally allow him to move on, or Satoru would get tired of all this and just claim him as a boyfriend.
And if Satoru never wanted to fuck him, Suguru would….actually he would be devastated, but he’ll deal with it better. They’d find ways. Satoru could buy him a Sybian or something. He’d be fine with it as long as Satoru just kissed him from time to time.
Suguru wakes up in the morning feeling refreshed, Toji snoring next to him, he stretches out the kinks in his back. He takes a big shirt, a pair of boxers, goes to brush his teeth. He’ll make some coffee and some pancakes and then he’ll send Toji on his way.
Or at least that’s the plan.
He’s halfway through whisking eggs and measuring dry ingredients when the front door opens and closes with a bang.
Suguru startles, goes to check on it and -
Oh.
“Satoru. You’re home early.”
Crap, he feels like one of the cheating wives Toji’s always talking about. Only he’s not a wife and his supposed husband never ever ever had sex with him, ever, so he’s got a worse deal than the wives.
Satoru droops his bags in the hallway, looks at the boots, and then at Suguru, and shakes his head, disappointed.
“Suguru.”
Ugh, that voices promises nothing good.
“Yes?”
“What did I say I’ll do when I catch him around here the next time?”
Suguru cringes.
“You said you’d cut his dick off with the Witcher sword,” Suguru answer.
Satoru nods solemnly.
“I’m going to cut his dick off with the Witcher sword.”
And he walks over to the sword rack with the video game replica swords and pulls out the Witcher sword. He bought it three years ago when they went to a Halloween party together, Satoru dressed up as Geralt and Suguru as Yenn.
A year before that, they went as Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars.
But - the sword .
It’s a pretty accurate replica of the witcher sword, though. Its sharp, too.
Is it sharp enough to cut Toji’s balls? Might be.
Suguru doesnt wanna find out, so he rushes after Satoru when he sees him going towards his bedroom, brandishing the big ass sword that he paid an obscene amount of money for.
“Satoru, come on - be reasonable.”
“I’m super reasonable. I’m a man of my word. I’m doing exactly what I said I would do.”
Satoru’s plan seems to be: burst through the door of Suguru’s bedroom and en-garde Toji, probably catch him while he’s still asleep. Good plan in theory, not practice, because Toji himself has been in more than enough situation where a pissed off man would want to fight first thing in the morning (disadvantage of being a professional side-piece for rich women is that they usually come with pissed off husbands and maybe even their bodyguards or hired thugs.) Instead of getting caught with his metaphorical pants down, Toji was waiting for him, brandishing Suguru’s stainless steel Ikea floor lamp as a weapon against Satoru’s double wolf head sword. They clashed, less cool than it should be but definitely still frightening.
“Satoru! Stop!” Suguru shouts.
“What the hell’s wrong with you, asshole? You can’t go around swinging a fucking sword at a guy’s head!” Toji pushes him away takes a step back, looks at the scratching indent that Satoru’s witcher sword left on the body of the lamp, “Why the fuck is the Halloween prop sharp enough to do that?”
“It’s fully usable, stupid. I paid extra to have it sharpened like that!”
Toji gives him an exasperated look and rolls his eyes. Satoru attacks him and swings the stupid sword with both hands, Toji dodges it and the sword basically destroys Suguru’s vanity, scatting all his bottles of foundations, powders and eyeliner everywhere. His pink bottle of Delina that Satoru bought for him last year shatters on the floor and whole room is instantly bathed in the smell of overly sweet roses and vanilla.
“Satoru! See what you did?” He screams, frustrated and slightly nauseated by the Shiseido foundations staining his bright white rug, and the perfume smell so intense it’s making him sneeze.
“I’ll buy you a new one, shut up!” Satoru screams back at him, slightly apologetic but still annoyed , and takes another shot at Toji. He doesn’t manage to hit him with the sword, but Toji does take a swing at him with the lamp, managing to hit Satoru in the shoulder.
“How the fuck are you crazier than the husbands who catch me in bed with their wives? You’re not even fucking him!”
“That’s not any of your business!”
Satoru holds the sword in one hand, veins on his forearm popping. Obviously the sword’s not doing it, he’s just trashing Suguru’s bedroom without actually being effective, so he throws it to the side and just decides to lunges himself at Toj tackling him to the ground and punching him in the jaw. After that, the makeshift weaponry is forgotten and they’re just throwing punches like the nasty ass brawlers they both are.
Suguru’s just mortified by this turn of events. He goes to pull Satoru away, on hand grabbing him by the back of his shirt, the other by fisted in Satoru’s short hair.
“Suguru, let go of me!”
“ No ! Stop acting like a mutt!”
“Aren’t you supposed to be some shitty computer nerd?” Toji complains, probably thrown off by the fact that Satoru’s a very competent fighter, uppercuts and low leg swings and tackles. Probably painful too, they’re about the same size, it can’t be comfortable to have Satoru boding into you like that.
“I’ve been doing aikido for fifteen years and boxing for five, asshole. Do you think my muscles are just here for show?” Suguru smacks him over the head, “ Ow ! What was that for?”
“You destroyed my room and for what ?” Suguru yell at him, and keeps smacking his palm against Satoru’s meaty shoulder.
Toji’s pride is probably a little bruised, and since Satoru definitely clocked him in the jaw a few times, he’s holding a palm over it and moving it left and right. It’s definitely gonna bruise.
“Why are you mad at me? I’m the one paying for everything anyways, and if you didn’t bring trash in my house, none of this would've happened! Be mad at yourself for having the worst fucking taste in men!”
“It’s none of your business who I fuck, we’re not dating, Satoru! You and I are not sleeping together! I could fuck the whole town and it still wouldn’t be any of your business!”
Satoru and Suguru are arguing with each other - Satoru on his knees and looking up at Suguru, trying to get back up but Suguru keeps smacking him so he has to dodge, and Suguru’s eyes full of angry, humiliated tears, face red and eyebrows knotted.
Toji looks at them, slightly amused, arms crossed over his chest.
“You know, since he’s paying for everything, he probably can get a say in who you fuck - ”
At that, Satoru just turns to look at him, eyes blazing.
“You shut the hell up.”
“I’m agreeing with you.”
“Yeah, well, I don't need you agreeing with me!”
Satoru suddenly jump back to his feet, and his going toe-to-toe with Toji, and Suguru just want to chuck both of them out the fucking window.
“Both of you, shut up! I’m so tired of you! Ugh . Get out of my room!”
Suguru never really gets angry like that, not angry enough to shout. So they actually take him seriously when he does.
“Out!” He shouts again, pointing at his door - across the chaos and destruction of his bedroom.
Satoru blinks, suddenly looking around and maybe realizing this wasn’t the best course of action.
“Suguru, are you mad at me now?”
Suguru gapes at him, shocked at how dense a genius can be at times. Next to him, Toji snorts, which reminds Suguru he’s also there and definitely not off the hook. Suguru turns to glare at him next, nose scrunched. He doesn’t say anything else, just points to the door and watches with satisfaction as both men shuffle out and close the door.
As soon as they’re outside in the hallway, Satoru and Toji start bickering again, but Suguru ignores him. He looks around the ruins of his perfectly organized bedroom, now looking like a hurricane ran through it, and he really, really wants to cry.
His Guerlain Meteorites are scattered all over the carpet, powder pearls in lavender, pink and white, while his foundations are all broken, his room smells sickly sweet, but his sheets still just smell like sweaty man because he didn’t get a chance to change them. Gross.
Instead of throwing himself on the bed and hiding his face in the pillow, he lays down on a clean spot of fluffy carpet. At least it’s good for his back.
Suguru looks up at the ceiling and sighs. Ugh. Men.