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The first time it happens is the morning after the defensive battle against Zen'ta and Eito.
Yugamu still feels somewhat dazed from the previous day, his surgery and the battle on top of that really did take a toll on him. But he figures he'll swing by the Cafeteria to check if anyone was there, gauge the tension he has caused. People are probably still upset with him and he wants to know where he's at, to mend things later too.
Takumi is the only one there when he enters through the door, and the moment he does, Takumi's eyes fix on him in horror. Yugamu stops dead in his tracks. Takumi has paled, his lips parted in unveiled shock. He stares at Yugamu as if he was a monster.
"What are you doing here?", Takumi stammers, backing off.
Yugamu furrows his eyebrows. He figured Takumi might be mad at him after his little scene yesterday, but like this?
"Good morning to you too, Sumino-kun. Are you upset with me?"
"You shouldn't be here!" Takumi breathes out and backs away further. "You're dead! I killed you!"
Yugamu's gut stirs uneasily. Takumi screws his eyes shut and shakes his head, then he flees the Cafeteria before Yugamu can get in another word.
Maybe killing Eito had weighed down much more on him than anticipated. Sirei did push him and Yugamu knows Takumi's insides are oh so soft. He'll be fine with a little rest, he tells himself, and ignores the pain in his heart.
He doesn't see Takumi for the rest of the day. After his escapade prior to this, Yugamu figures he's not one to pry if Takumi was still collecting himself. He had part in his anxiety, after all. The others have hardly forgiven him. There's just more important things at stake.
To his surprise, Takumi approaches him the following day while he's in the Bio Lab. His chest tightens with a flicker of hope, that from here on out, everything would go back to normal. Even if he lost everything... He couldn't lose Takumi too.
"Do you have a moment?" Takumi asks. At least he doesn't look so horrified anymore.
"For you I always do," Yugamu returns.
But there's still something off about Takumi this time too. He's not looking at Yugamu - his eyes are set somewhere above his head, like Yugamu isn't even here.
"I wanted to ask you how you feel about me killing Aotsuki?"
Perhaps that's why he didn't want to look at him. Takumi has a kind heart, a murder like that was sure to get to his soft core.
"I really wish you would have let me do it," Yugamu sighs, "It's wearing down your mind, isn't it? Killing isn't for everyone, I would know—"
Takumi grits his teeth and lowers his head with an expression of frustration and anguish tinted across his features. "Yeah thanks. I figured you'd say that."
Yugamu tries to reach out, ask him what's wrong, but Takumi is already gone.
Pondering over Takumi's mental state, Yugamu finds himself restless. The worst case scenario was that killing Eito again had broken something deep in his subconscious. Yugamu doesn't feel that kind of resistance to killing anymore, but someone gentle as Takumi... But what can he do if Takumi wouldn't talk?
The others have taken notice of his strange behavior too, but they are keeping it low. Yugamu can be lucky Sirei didn't execute him for abducting him, if Takumi was acting off now too, who knows what that robot would do.
But what could they do to help? Takumi is so distant. He flees conversation after just a few words. Yugamu's hands are bound, so he can only sit and wait.
The next day, Takumi finds him in the Cafeteria. He's holding a note with a 1 drawn on it and asks Yugamu to wear the scrap of paper. Again their conversation gets cut short by Takumi excusing himself weakly, and Yugamu is left wondering just what Takumi was dealing with.
The next morning, he doesn't see Takumi at all. It's eerily quiet in the academy halls, even if the team is inside the Cafeteria. Nobody dares to talk. The twins converse in hushed whispers, and Yugamu eventually can't stand it anymore.
On his way back to the roof, he can hear a familiar voice inside the hallway, coming from the Courtyard.
"No! It was never fair to begin with!"
It's clearly Takumi, and he seems to be arguing with someone. Yugamu presses himself against the wall and peeks around the corner. Takumi is standing in the middle of the hallway with his back turned towards him, gesturing wildly at nothing.
"Stop laughing! We'll see who's laughing when I'm done with you!"
With that, he storms off. Yugamu steps around the corner and curls a finger under his chin. There's nobody else in the hallway. Nobody leaving or walking after Takumi. He was entirely alone.
When it starts happening, the first thing Yugamu feels is confusion. He finds Takumi in the bathroom, hanging from the ceiling. The recovery drone collects him, and once he's up again, Yugamu only sees him disappear into the Cafeteria.
Rushing after him, he's greeted to the sight of Takumi's severed arm on the table, hacked off with a cleaver. The drone comes again, and for the first time since he became an assassin, Yugamu feels sick over the sight of blood. Not even he enjoyed the sight of it.
It doesn't stay at that — Takumi commits suicide over and over and over again. Wherever Yugamu goes, he's sure to run into a body. Splattered after jumping from the roof, drowned in the pool, shot to pieces by the gun in the Infirmary.
Takumi drinking his poisons doesn't excite him. His groans of anguish only twist his heart. There's nothing mutual, nothing beautiful about it. It's just raw torture, torture Takumi does to himself, over and over again.
Soon the others and he figure out what must have caused Takumi's strange behavior. It must be Eito, haunting his subconscious after he's been absorbed. And so the only thing left for him is to cheer him on with a heavy heart, hoping he'll defeat the enemy in a fight Yugamu can't protect him in.
Today, when Yugamu waits for Takumi to be revived, the Revive-O-Matic shows the number 509. Takumi struggles to get out this time, and Yugamu reaches out his hand to help him.
"Huh...?"
Takumi is looking at him. Really looking, out of tired bloodshot eyes. He hasn't slept in days, didn't eat, didn't do anything but find ways to end his life.
"Morning, sweetheart," Yugamu says with his voice wavering. Takumi has barely talked to him since it started, but he had allowed Yugamu to hover around.
"O... Omokage... It's you? I can see you..." Takumi whispers, "You're you... I can see... The real you..."
"I suppose that's a good thing?" Yugamu tries and rests a hand against Takumi's forehead. He's burning up, sweat pooling over his forehead.
"I did it... He's gone," Takumi wheezes, "He made me see... all of you as him..."
Yugamu hums. It would explain why Takumi hadn't looked him in the eye ever since he started acting off.
"I'm glad to hear," he says softly, "You've been so strong, Sumino-kun. Come now. You need to get some rest."
Takumi barely responds. Yugamu lifts him into his arms, feels how light he's gotten after days of neglect and strain on his body. Dying over 500 times wouldn't go past him without damage. Not even for someone as strong as Takumi.
Yugamu puts him to bed and stays with him after that. A small part in the back of his head is scared. Scared of a possible mental collapse and Takumi never waking up again.
From sleeping... or worse.
It takes an entire day before Takumi opens his eyes again. Yugamu hasn't moved much since he picked him up from the Infirmary, so he's right by his side when he stirs, holding his hand.
"Omokage," Takumi presses out and groans. Yugamu hands him a glass of water from the nightstand, and Takumi accepts. He sighs, drinking quickly and Yugamu waits for him to finish.
"How are you?" he asks once the empty glass is back in its place.
Takumi's eyes gloss over for a moment. His gaze drifts up to the ceiling, like he's straining to listen for something. Then he smiles.
"All better. You don't have to worry anymore."
How Yugamu wishes that had been true.
And at first, everything seems to be back to normal. Takumi is still fragile, but everyone is looking out for him. It's three days later when Yugamu heads to Takumi's room and finds him collapsed on the ground with his wrists slit. The recovery drone collects him and revives him, adding another tick to his death counter.
"Sumino-kun."
They're back in Takumi's room. Yugamu has cleaned the floor while Takumi had been unconscious. He had lost a lot of blood this time, almost too much to be revived.
"Where am I?" Takumi mumbles. His eyes are unfocused and he reaches out his hand, grasping at nothing.
"Your room. Do you remember what happened?" Yugamu settles at the edge of the bed and rests his hand at the side of Takumi's face. "Do you know who I am?"
"Omokage," Takumi presses out, "Sorry... I... I don't know."
"It's quite alright... You've been through a lot. Rest a bit more, I'll be here."
Takumi goes back to sleep and Yugamu hopes it was a one time setback.
But it isn't. Yugamu wakes up out of an unplanned shallow sleep sometime in the middle of the night and finds his blood running cold when his eyes settle on an empty bed.
"Sumino-kun?"
A choked sound comes out of the bathroom and Yugamu stumbles to his feet. Takumi is hanging over the sink, his mouth bleeding heavy. Yugamu staggers over to him and turns him, finding him chewing razorblades. His eyes are dull and silent tears are rolling over his face as he chokes on spit and blood. His face has already turned ghostly pale, his entire body wracked by tremors.
"Oh, my Sumino-kun..."
He's not going to survive it. Yugamu can't do anything but take him into his arms as Takumi's body finally collapses, gurgling on his final breaths.
The recovery drone dutifully collects him and Yugamu trots after it into the Infimary.
From there, it gets worse by the day. Yugamu can barely take his eyes off him before Takumi tries something else to kill himself. He ties him to the bed whenever the alarm for defensive battles sound, finding Takumi foaming and thrashing upon his return. He's in no condition to fight anymore. At night, Yugamu holds him, Takumi's hands firmly inside his own to stop him from scratching himself raw. He bathes him, stopping him from standing in the ice cold shower or trying to drown himself in the sink.
Each day Takumi drifts away from him more, like sand between his fingers, and Yugamu doesn't know how to console him.
Tonight, Takumi seems to be a little more coherent. He's relaxed, for the first time in what seems like forever, just looking at Yugamu with some life back inside his eyes.
Yugamu crumbles when Takumi kisses him, wordlessly, and falls asleep.
It's messy, whatever it is. Some nights, Takumi seems to want to love him so badly that it causes him to break down all over again. He screams and bites and hammers his balled fists against Yugamu, cursing him and telling him to disappear.
Yugamu doesn't say anything, waits until Takumi calms down and begs him for forgiveness. They cuddle after that, Takumi whimpering love confessions, asking if Yugamu has seen Eito lately.
Yesterday, Takumi tried to jump off the roof again. This morning, Yugamu finds the room empty. He dozed off, curse him and his hazy mind for forgetting the drugs to keep himself awake. He rushes out of Takumi's room and finds no blood and no body. With his heart hammering at his throat, he checks the usual places Takumi runs off to, then the Infirmary. His death counter hasn't ticked up. Takumi hasn't killed himself yet.
Yugamu finds him in the schoolyard, shoveling away at the ground. He's drenched in sweat, swaying on his feet, his lips chewed raw and bloody.
"Hey. Sumino-kun? What are you doing?"
Takumi grits his teeth and hisses. "I need to bury him," he responds, "I can't... can't keep his body in the closet any longer."
Yugamu hums. He approaches, slowly, and Takumi pauses. Wraps his arms around him, rests his hands on top of Takumi's, presses a chaste kiss against the side of his face.
"Alright. I'll help. We'll bury him, okay?"
"Yugamu-kun..." Takumi whispers. It sounds so soft. It almost sounds like his Takumi, the one that's been trapped down that endless well where Yugamu can't reach.
But it's wrong. Takumi has never called him that before. That was Eito's thing.
But Eito is dead and Takumi is still alive. He's just confused. It's only logical when Eito has been tormenting his mind like this.
Tears prick Yugamu's eyes and for just a moment, he selfishly buries his face against Takumi's sweater, taking in his scent.
"It's okay, my beloved Sumino-kun. I got you. You'll be alright."
With Takumi's deteriorating physical state, digging a grave takes forever. But Yugamu is patient. It's the first time Takumi seems focused on something and he can even persuade him to eat something Tsubasa brings them. Maybe he needs this. Maybe it's that bridge that finally helps him to come back to his senses.
Tsubasa agrees to watch over Takumi while Yugamu heads back to Eito's room to grab one of his spare jackets. Eito's real body had been destroyed in the undying flames, as instructed by Sirei. Maybe it was the lingering paranoia that Eito would somehow cheat death.
In a way, he still did.
Yugamu opens the wardrobe, greeted by the unmistakable signature clothing of the late Eito. Reaching for it, his fingers linger there for a moment, brushing past white fabric. It smells like laundry detergent and something sweeter, maybe flowers. The scent twists his gut painfully.
"Let him go," Yugamu whispers and digs his nails into the jacket, "Please. Just give him back to me..."
He gets no response. Of course not.
Eito is dead.
He returns to the schoolyard, where Takumi is still feverishly digging. Tsubasa leaves them and Yugamu lets him continue for a bit longer before he assures him that's enough.
"Look. We're going to lay him to rest now, alright?"
Yugamu gently lowers the jacket into the grave. Takumi is leaning heavily against the shovel to stand upright, panting. He must be completely exhausted.
He's just staring blankly at Yugamu, watches him step out of the grave with the jacket neatly inside, the sleeves folded with a flower where the hands would be.
"Lay him to rest..."
Takumi sways. Yugamu tries to steady him but he reels back.
"Don't touch me."
Yugamu raises his flat hands. This reaction is new. Maybe he's going through another stage before he'll snap out of it.
"No touching. Okay. Do you want to say something?"
Takumi stares down into the grave, his face twisted with grief. Tears well in his eyes and he shakes his head.
Then he starts to close the grave again, slow and sluggishly heavy movements until deep into the night. When he's done, he passes right out and Yugamu barely manages to catch him.
Takumi sleeps most of the next day away. There's a battle late noon, and Yugamu doesn't have the heart to tie him to the bed when he's still asleep. He'd have to wake him, see the bruises in the aftermath again.
So he doesn't.
When he returns, Takumi is gone.
Just like before, Yugamu is frantically searching the common spots. The Infirmary confirms that Takumi hasn't been revived, so he heads out to the schoolyard. It's already starting to get dark when he arrives at Eito's grave, finding the earth disturbed.
"He wouldn't..."
Would he?
There's no time. Yugamu drops to his knees and starts digging with his bare hands. Dirt sticks under his nails and his arms burn, but he keeps digging.
Keeps digging, until he finds Takumi in loose dirt that recollapsed after burrowing himself into the ground, hugging that cursed jacket like his life depends on it. He's barely conscious when Yugamu lifts him from the grave, his breathing shallow.
This was his fault. He got careless. He couldn't allow himself the same mistake again.
Yugamu tries to clean off the dirt Takumi is covered in and finds huge bits of hair falling out along with all the earth. His skin is cold to the touch, so Yugamu undresses him and sets him down in the shower, slowly washing him while turning the temperature up progressively.
Unresponsive, Takumi just stares blankly ahead.
Once Yugamu is done, he dries him off, dresses him for bed, and when he tries to lay him down to sleep, Takumi grabs his collar.
"Why are you still here?" he asks. His voice is at the verge of breaking. He'd probably cry if he had the energy left.
"I won't leave you," Yugamu whispers, "Do you know who I am?"
Takumi blinks at him. His face twists, contorts with a new wave of pain.
"Sorry," he whines, "I don't know what's going on..."
"Shhh. Don't think about that now. I'm right here with you."
He didn't answer his question. Yugamu doesn't ask again.
But when he sits, Takumi crawls into his lap and falls asleep there, and it's enough to know that he's not seeing Eito at least.
Takumi's state doesn't improve. Yugamu has to bandage up his hands so he stops scratching himself bloody. He refuses to eat, so Yugamu has to force liquids down on him. At some point he's been neglecting himself so much in the progress of caring for him that even Takumi seems to notice it.
"I'm fine. Please sleep."
It's the clearest thing Takumi said in so long. And Yugamu wants to, so badly. He's tired. He's so, so tired. Everything aches, but he doesn't tire. Doesn't tire of Takumi, who's become his whole world now.
"I don't need to," Yugamu argues, "I'm fine as long as you are."
Takumi doesn't respond. He lifts himself off the bed, takes a couple unsteady steps that force Yugamu into catching him, and Takumi kisses him. Dry lips that taste like blood, too hot and so desperate. Yugamu can't deny him.
He misses him.
He misses his Takumi, the airheaded charming team leader he fell in love at first sight. Adorable Takumi, wanting to bear the burden of the world all by himself, who wants nothing more than to save his friends.
It's just too tempting. The drugs have stopped having effect on him. Yugamu can barely think clearly, and Takumi's hands are so gentle when they lay in bed, fingers interlaced and a rare smile on his face.
Yugamu falls asleep.
He wishes he never did.
When he wakes in a daze, Takumi is gone. With a new wave of panic stirring his weary heart, his first path leading to the Infirmary. Takumi hasn't been revived, so there was still a chance of finding him.
But no matter how long Yugamu searches, he can't find him. He runs through the school in a frenzy, checks every single room multiple times, but Takumi is gone. He's not at the grave either, and Yugamu drops to his knees, his mind finally giving in.
Where could he be? There's a pain pounding so deep within his chest that he thinks he can't breathe anymore.
Despite it all, he loves Takumi. He loves him more than he ever loved anything in his life.
He needs to think. Forcing himself to his feet, Yugamu makes his way up to the forest area. The sun is setting already, amber light dappling the foliage covered floor. It would be a beautiful sight, any other day. Maybe Takumi would have liked it.
Yugamu knows already when he sees the silhouette from afar, gently swinging from a tree.
Takumi was gone this time. Truly gone.
He's missing one of his shoes and there's a large puddle of blood drenching the ground underneath the body. He cut his ankle before hanging himself to make sure he'd bleed out, to make it impossible to revive him.
Numbly, Yugamu sits down, eyes fixed on the lifeless body hanging from the branch. He doesn't move, not when the sun sets, until the silver light of the stars illuminates the outline of Takumi's body.
In the end, Eito did envelop him whole.
In the end, Yugamu lost him.
He fought and suffered so hard, and Yugamu could do nothing to ease his pain. Maybe it was revenge from Eito, way beyond the grave. To suffer like he did, to spiral Takumi down the same path that had once driven him insane.
Yugamu finds himself compassionate. He can't blame him anymore. No, he just wanted them both at peace.
The sun rises on a Yugamu covered in dirt and foliage, a lifeless Takumi in his arms. He buries him in Eito's empty grave. He thinks in some way, Takumi would've wanted it. Wraps him inside that loathsome jacket, and just for a moment, he steps back to look at him.
Takumi looks peaceful. Embraced by the very thing that destroyed him, the very thing he couldn't let go of.
Tears streak Yugamu's face. He kneels and places a final kiss against Takumi's forehead, before he buries him.
It feels insignificant whether he makes it to the final day or not. Takumi came into his life with his timid smile and lovable personality and left with craters in his wake.
But even with his heart heavy with grief, Yugamu doesn't regret it.
No... Takumi showed him he was still human.
Takumi showed him that he could love so intensely that it shattered the numbness he felt all those years that turned him into a hardened assassin.
A hand rests against Takumi's grave, tears falling from a face that tries to smile.
"I'll always love you," Yugamu speaks his last words, even if Takumi would never hear them, "So if there is another timeline... Come find me again, alright? Let me fall in love with you all over again. I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting for eternity for you, so..."
So please.
Come back to me, smile at me again, so I can continue living too.