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It’s not as sunny as it used to be around the mansion. No, the sun hides now, behind the clouds, sometimes even behind the sky itself. It’s like the sun doesn’t want to disturb the shaky weight the home holds, as if the sun knows. As if the sun can be personified enough to know to not shine its light anywhere close to the mansion grounds, because the people inside are limited in numbers, limited in hope, and limited in life. The sun can’t help them grow, not even its light can make them merely smile anymore, because what they have lost is far greater than what the sun can give them. The sun-rays don’t drown out the remains of the war, the remains of the heartbreak. There are only four of them now. Four. All broken in their small ways after the tragedy of the missile crisis. The sun doesn’t help with that, so it hides. It hides and lets the clouds hang over the grounds, almost in protection, but it mirrors how they feel inside. The clouds are movable, they will pass with time, and they lay in wait until that time comes.
---
“You’re gonna get cold, man,” Alex remarks casually from somewhere above him, but Sean doesn’t listen to him.
The redhead is lying on his back in the grass that’s part of the garden just to the left side of the mansion’s doors, eyes open, spying at the sky through his round-rimmed sunglasses he wears for no reason, just because he can.
Alex is hovering above him, panting ever so slightly as he wipes the sweat from his forehead. He’s just come back from training, from lifting weights, not because he has to, but because it’s a distraction. Erik can’t tell him what to do anymore, so Alex stops when he can’t breathe. He stops and takes care of himself because no one else seems to be doing that anymore. Not that he blames them.
Hank is blue, furry; Alex understands that the dude has problems. The scientist barely comes out of the lab anymore; he hides in there, tries time after time again to find this cure, to make himself normal again. He gets that Hank is bummed because Raven left them, that Erik betrayed them, but he doesn’t want to understand why Hank is cutting himself off from everyone when he himself doesn’t like being left alone. Alex, in a weird way, kind of does understand it. Kind of gets it. But that only serves to remind him that he once used to do it too.
As for Charles... Well... Alex doesn’t know how to say much about that. Charles is allowed to act the way he does. The poor guy is in a wheelchair, for God’s sake. But that’s still not the point. That’s not why Alex worries. It’s in the way Charles is. It’s like Charles is still there, because the Professor doesn’t want to leave them, the Professor still wants to be there for them, doesn’t want to acknowledge that there’s a major change in their family now, but also he isn’t. Alex sees that Charles’ eyes are so very often glazed over, waxed in thought, and it’s a scary notion to the blonde. He doubts they’ll ever be able to get the real Charles back, not when his dear sister and Erik is still out there. And Alex understands that. He does.
But then there’s Sean. Sean doesn’t hide himself away from everyone, he doesn’t act like everything is okay when his heart is breaking, but Sean does this. Sean sits, or lays, outside and spends nearly all of his time just watching the clouds. As if watching the clouds can suddenly solve a guy’s problem. Alex really doesn’t understand, but maybe he thinks it’s something to do with how Sean loses himself. Maybe it’s the drugs that they haven’t proved Sean takes, but they all presume he does. Maybe Sean just likes clouds. Alex doesn’t know. He doubts he ever will.
“I don’t mind,” Sean’s rough voice cuts through Alex’s thoughts, and then the blonde is looking down at the ginger again.
He looks so peaceful. Like the abandonment they have all gone through hasn’t affected Sean.
“You should,” Alex grumbles, and he wonders why he cares so much.
Maybe it’s because Sean is different. Sean isn’t usual. Sean is... Rather interesting. Or maybe it’s because he’s just a good friend and doesn’t want Sean getting sick. He doesn’t say any of that. He lets the redhead reply without interrupting.
“Well, I don’t,” Sean counters back with a lazy grin and fuck, Alex is mesmerized.
Alex clears his throat awkwardly, and moves his foot so it gently nudges into the other teen’s side.
“Get up,” Alex mutters, eyes rolling slightly, “We have to make dinner anyway.”
“Aw, man,” Sean sighs, but he reaches out to take hold of the ankle that is connected to the offending foot that had just kicked him. “That sucks. Isn’t it Hank’s turn?”
“Hank never cooks,” Alex scoffs, amused, and wriggles his foot out of Sean’s grasp, “Dude, come on, we gotta make something. We can’t have Beast and the Prof starving, can we?”
“No,” Sean says, but this time his voice sounds different; it’s distant, soft, almost wary.
Alex doesn’t know what to say, he just notices the slight switch in atmosphere. He clears his throat again, and this time Sean sits up, and knocks his sunglasses down so both pairs of blue eyes can lock on to each other without having anything in-between. Alex is stuck, really he is, and his throat thickens and he has to swallow thickly before he says something stupid.
“Come on,” Alex prompts again, destroying the heavy silence, and he holds out a hand in assistance.
He half expects Sean to roll on to his front and ignore him, and continue in looking up at the sky, but Sean just smiles at him and takes the offered limb.
It takes a while before Alex realizes he has to pull Sean up, so for those few moments they just hold hands and smile.
---
Alex regrets bringing Sean into the kitchen to make dinner. He really, really does. It basically just ends in disaster.
The food is all disastrously burned and the stove isn’t doing anything but cackling and the whirling of the fire alarm above them is really putting Alex’s patience and ability to be calm to the test.
It’s actually enough to bring furry Beast down from the lab, but when Charles rolls in with this look on his face, Alex knows they’re probably going to be in trouble for this.
However, when Sean practically runs in beaming as he claims he is so smart because he brought a damn fire extinguisher to help with the kitchen issue, Alex doesn’t care that he gets a lecture on safety afterwards, because Sean looked so damn happy. And Sean looks beautiful when he’s happy.
---
Alex takes it upon himself to observe everyone at the table as they consume a brown mush Charles cooked up quickly to replace the monster Sean created, because he’s been observing everyone since the crisis.
Hank eats in silence, doesn’t even ask for any condiments for his food, and he sits on the chair furthest away. He vaguely remembers Hank muttering something about not wanting to infect others’ plates with his fur ages ago.
Well, no. It feels like ages ago. They only came home empty handed a few weeks ago. Not even a month. Just under.
But yeah, that’s why Beast is so far away, and Alex feels sorry for him. If he was anybody else he would call Beast over to sit with him. Unfortunately, he’s not anybody else. He’s still Alex. Still Havok. Still emotionless and hard and brooding.
Charles is a little better; he is sitting in the middle of them all, eating quietly, but he asks how everyone is, if there have been any changes.
Hank merely grunts in response.
Alex shakes his head, doesn’t want to talk about it, but he notices Sean wants to say something.
When Sean opens and closes his mouth, Alex knows there’s a problem. Sean usually just says what he wants, doesn’t need permission, so nothing should be stopping him from saying what he wants to say now. Regardless, Sean goes back to eating, but not before throwing a look towards Alex.
Alex wants to hold on to it, wants to keep looking at that pale, freckly, perfect face.
He tries not to be disappointed when Sean smiles timidly and then dives back into his food.
---
Alex manages to catch Sean just before Sean heads into the bathroom for a nightly shower, so when he calls his name out, Sean turns at the door and stops for him. Alex considers himself lucky.
“Hey, man, I think I need to talk to you,” Alex begins, breath slightly out of place due to his previous run, but Sean just licks his lower lip and nods.
“Alright,” the redhead concedes, and then he’s smiling again, a proper smile, the one that makes him look beautiful, “What’s up?”
Alex bites his lips, decides to lean his weight against the door, and then heaves a breath in preparation, “I think... I think something’s wrong.”
“Something wrong? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“No, not me, I mean... I’m fine. I’m always fine. I was actually... Asking... About, uh, about you.”
“About... Me.”
Sean seems too fazed, too wary, and Alex curses himself for even bringing it up. It isn’t his place to pry, after all. It’s Sean’s business; not his.
“Um... Yeah. Y-Yeah. About you.”
Why is he still asking? Abort!
“Nothing’s wrong with me,” Sean blinks, actually thinks about it, thinks if something is wrong with him, and when Alex supposes he’s done, Sean shakes his head. “No. Nothing’s wrong with me. I don’t think so anyway. But, y’know, thanks for being concerned. Not typical of the great heartless Havok.”
Alex gets it now; Sean’s grinning, cheekily, like a little git, and Alex rolls his eyes and takes the effort to punch the redhead in the shoulder.
“Shut up,” Alex sighs, but then he takes a step back, ready to leave.
If Sean thinks everything is okay, Alex trusts that things must be okay. He hopes Sean would tell him if something was bothering him. He only takes the step back because he’s aware he’s preventing Sean from taking a shower, or even a shit for all his knowledge, but Sean is frowning at the movement, as if he doesn’t want Alex to leave.
“Where are you going?” Sean pouts, eyes glittering with false tears.
Alex snorts, and pushes himself off of the wall, “To bed. I already had a shower.”
“Really? Couldn’t tell,” Sean teases, and Alex rolls his eyes.
Again.
“Don’t be mean,” Alex reprehends, but he’s grinning on the inside, “Go take a shower.”
“Can I take you with me?”
The hasty interrogative immediately makes Alex’s breath stutter, his mind blank and his heart in his chest is hammering, because fuck, what?
“W-What?”
“Into the shower,” Sean repeats, like Alex is dumb, and Sean is speaking to a three year old, “The shower, Alex.”
“I got the shower bit, Sean! Why the fuck do you want me in there with you?!”
And if Alex raises his voice as he speaks can he really be blamed?
Sean just shrugs, the light dimming in his eyes. “No reason.”
“I... I gotta... I gotta go, dude.”
“Yeah,” Sean sighs, and then he’s opening the bathroom door, “Me too.”
Alex doesn’t get out of the corridor fast enough.
---
Alex doesn’t stop thinking. It’s impossible for him to stop thinking.
He’s thinking of Sean.
A naked Sean.
A wet naked Sean.
All of a sudden he’s grateful that Charles took an early night—hopefully Charles will be asleep, and will not be able to read the dirty images flooding through Alex’s head that goes from his mind straight down to his groin.
Oh fuck. He’s hard. He’s actually hard.
Because of Sean. Because of a wet naked Sean.
He blames the shower. He blames Sean’s suggestion of showering. Together.
He wonders if he should take care of it, if he should just drop his hand and go for it, but he stops himself. He can’t. He’ll make noise. The walls here aren’t exactly sound proof. And he is not having the chance of anyone hearing that.
No fucking way.
He hears distant footsteps near his bedroom, and he almost shits himself when he sees a shadow underneath his door, but it luckily doesn’t take long for the figure to disappear. He allows himself to let out a sigh of relief; but he still pulses in his pants.
Fuck sake.
Alex just turns over in his bed, scrunches his eyes closed and tries to go to sleep.
---
It works. It just leaves Alex in the same position as he was in before he went to sleep.
Hard. Alex is still very much hard. Did he dream about it? He’s never been very good at remembering his dreams.
Oh fuck sake. He probably dreamed about it.
Dreamed about Sean.
The bad thing is it sounds like a nice dream. A freaking incredible dream, if it has left him still hard.
He considers his next action. He is not jerking off, no way. The idea of a cold shower enters his mind, but then shower and Sean and Alex just grows.
He ends up crying into his pillow because his life is messed up.
---
“Alex?”
Alex lifts his head up at the sound of his name, but he has to quickly wipe at his red eyes before the Professor can see.
It’s one in the afternoon and Alex still hasn’t collected any lunch. He doesn’t plan to. He plans to stay where he is; out of sight.
The morning had been horrible, and he had waited until everyone was up until he attempted to move downstairs due to his erection. His problem had fixed itself by then though, so having breakfast was easy, saying hi to Hank was easy, saying bye to Hank was easy when the scientist stalked back off to the lab, but seeing Sean wasn’t easy. Sean had been eating, had been licking whatever the fuck it was, so Alex had immediately exited before a certain problem arose once more.
And now Alex is here, on a stone bench near the back of the mansion, in the shade by some trees.
Well. He says shade, but, everywhere is in the shade now. There’s no sun anymore, not really. Alex notices that, had noticed it weeks ago, but has kept it to himself. It seems like pointless knowledge to have. To Alex, it just proves that after everything, they deserve to live in the darkness.
The Professor by this point is right in front of him, opposite, settled in his wheelchair, and Alex sighs and tries to look away.
Charles only does something like this when he wants to talk to one of his students. When Charles wants to talk, it’s never about something so flippant like the weather, or what they’re going to have for dinner.
No. Charles has deep conversations that Alex isn’t ready for right now.
“Can we do this another day?” Alex sighs, but unfortunately for him, Charles shakes his head.
“You look like you need to talk,” Charles insists softly, “And, quite frankly, so do I.”
The last part caught Alex off guard, and because he knows the trauma that Charles has been put through, he isn’t going to deny the Professor a ‘heart-to-heart’.
“Go on then,” Alex prompts, because he is not going to start first. “What’s up?”
Ha. A lot of things were ‘up’ these days. He wonders just how Charles will answer that hard-hitting question. He watches patiently as Charles’ forehead creases, and then the Professor is looking away—looking upwards, at the sky.
“I believe I have an apology to make,” Charles finally announces, interrupting the silence that had settled on them, and Alex blinks in response.
“An apology?” Alex asks, eyebrow raising slightly. “What do you mean?”
Out of everything Charles could have said, Alex had not expected an apology. Charles is the last person to be saying sorry, after all.
Charles just sighs, tries not to pinch the bridge of his nose, and then shakes his head at himself. “Yes, I have an apology to make. So please be polite and let me make it.”
Alex just nods dumbly. He doesn’t know what else to do.
Without another beat, Charles begins, “I’m sorry, Alex. For everything that has happened. For dragging you into that war—ah, no interrupting, let me finish. It’s an apology I will make to all three of you, I was just wondering how I was supposed to make it, how I could make it. But here I am, Alex, so listen carefully. I am so sorry for all of the trouble I have put you through, you went through something terrible that no child should have, so I am sorry for taking away true innocence that comes with not seeing a war. However, I have a greater apology to make. I have not been here for you, not in a way I should be. These few weeks have been hard on all of us, they really have, and it seems like the hardships have torn us apart. Not overly so, but I have noticed it. Hank never spends time with anyone, and I have been too selfish lately to fix that. And here you are, all alone on a bench. I thought I could count on you and Sean to look after each other. You usually do.”
Charles stops there, and Alex doesn’t know if Charles has finished, or if the Professor is just waiting for a response.
Maybe Charles has already read his mind.
Alex blanches at how horrible that would be. He doesn’t say anything, even though he now understands Charles is looking at him, waiting for an answer, waiting for a reason of why Alex is here by himself instead of training or pestering Sean.
“Sean’s...”
“Worried about you,” Charles finishes, and Alex feels a breath of tight oxygen leave him.
“What... What are you talking about?”
Alex genuinely doesn’t know. Why would Sean be worried about him?
Charles gives him a look, and then raises an eyebrow at him, and Alex feels trapped.
“He is worried about you, Alex. He came to find me as a matter of fact; he asked me where you were, he was disappointed when I told him I was unaware,” Charles explains lightly.
Oh God.
“Why is he worried though?” Alex asks even though he doesn’t really want to find out the answer.
“Apparently you have been avoiding him. You left without explanation this morning.”
Alex snorts. He stands up abruptly, jostling Charles’ wheelchair ever so slightly, and he sees a washed shock expression on the Professor’s face. Alex is glowering, truly angry, but not at Charles. He isn’t even angry at Sean. He’s angry at himself.
“That’s—That’s none of your business,” Alex grits, eyes narrow.
Charles opens his mouth to say something, to say anything, but Alex turns sharply and stomps off.
“Alex! Wait! Please!”
Alex ignores it, ignores everything Charles says, and when he passes Sean in the hallway near his bedroom door, he doesn’t give him a second glance.
----
Maybe Alex shouldn’t have skipped on breakfast. He’s dealing with the consequences of such an action now. He’s sitting on his bed, legs crossed, back against his bed’s backboard. His stomach is rumbling and growling painfully, begging to be fed, but Alex stays resolute.
He shouldn’t have run away from the Professor. Charles was just passing on a message from Sean, after all.
And... Charles had something very important to say. Charles had been apologizing for getting them into this mess, and then not doing anything to unite them after they returned home.
Maybe that is an indication that Charles is going to do something now. That Charles is ready to act as their father once more, and guide them to being okay.
Alex isn’t going to let that fall on to Charles’ broken shoulders. No. He couldn’t. They all had to fix themselves.
They did nothing. They had nothing to do. All of these days were pointless because nothing happened. They slept, they ate, they went to toilet, they showered, they drank, they barely talked, they did their own thing.
They were no longer united. Charles apparently wants to fix that.
So does Alex. Alex doesn’t want to spend the rest of his days doing nothing with hardly anybody around. No. He wants to do something, anything.
When it rolls around to five in the afternoon, Alex doesn’t get up to make dinner like he usually does. No. He stays in bed and hopes he doesn’t die of starvation.
---
Unluckily for Alex, at 5:15, he gets a knock on his door. He doesn’t sit up, he doesn’t open his eyes, nor does he call to whoever it is.
He doesn’t want to find out whoever it is. He doesn’t want to see Charles right now, not after his outburst earlier.
He does not want to find Sean. If he does he’s afraid he’ll jump him. He’s terrified of that. Absolutely terrified.
It turns out that neither of them is at Alex’s door. No. It’s Beast.
“Alex. Dinner’s ready.”
It is definitely Hank’s voice; all sour and crumbly and distant, like Hank wants to be anywhere but here. That’s always how Hank sounds these days.
“Don’t want it,” Alex calls back bitterly, and he promptly ignores his stomach’s protest of a gurgle.
“Don’t be a child,” Hank sighs, and then he’s rapping at the door again, as if that will get Alex’s ass out of bed, “Come downstairs. You need to eat.”
“No, I don’t,” Alex argues, but this time he sits up instead of rolling over, “I don’t need food.”
He just hears Hank sigh once more. Alex is kind of hoping that it is a sign of Hank giving up, and then hopefully leaving him alone, but then he has to stand up abruptly in slight defense as his door is pulled open impatiently by the scientist.
“Why are you being so childish?” Hank inquires angrily, furry blue eyebrows narrowing together, “Go downstairs and get something to eat.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” Alex snaps, and then he’s sitting on the floor, being as childish as Hank is suggesting, “I’m not going downstairs. Leave me alone.”
Suddenly Hank softens, as if it dawns on him that Alex isn’t just being a stubborn git for the fun of it, that there’s a reason.
So Hank cautiously steps inside and closes the door.
Alex growls at him, feeling cornered and scared, but Hank just sighs gently and gives him a tentative smile.
“Calm down,” Hank murmurs softly, resting against the door, “It’s okay. I just... I’m sort of worried about you, Havok.”
“Apparently you’re not the only one,” Alex grumbles, and then he’s standing up.
However, as soon as he does that, he hears. He fucking hears.
“I... I thought dinner was ready,” Alex stutters nervously, in embarrassment, and he moves to go back to his bed and away from Hank.
Hank tilts his head in a concerned fashion, as if Alex is suddenly crazy.
Alex feels crazy.
“What are you talking about?”
“I... Dinner. Isn’t it ready?”
Hank nods silently, not sure how to answer.
Alex breathes out shallowly, and he can still hear it, still hears the water running, like it was mocking him. He just has to calm down. Really, he does.
“Who’s... Who’s in the shower?”
Alex winces straight after he asks it. What a dumb fucking question.
Hank seems to clear up a little. As if he understands.
“Sean.” Oh God I knew that why did I ask I knew that fuck me I’m swelling.
“B-But... But... D-Dinner’s ready.”
Alex would really appreciate it if he suddenly sounded more articulate and intelligent right about now.
“Dinner is ready,” Hank states, eyebrows still knitted together, “But we eat together. As a family. You weren’t there. Charles sent me up to get you, but Sean stunk. So he was directed for a quick shower before he ate. Charles thought it’d take me time to convince you to join us so Sean taking a quick shower was okay; Charles put the food in the oven to keep warm.”
Oh fucking God.
The water was still running, Sean was still in the shower, in the room next to Alex’s bedroom, fucking naked, and Alex whimpers.
Alex fucking whimpers.
Hank has never looked so concerned in his life.
“What’s... What’s wrong?”
The question is innocent. Alex doesn’t feel innocent.
“Nothing! Just piss off and leave me alone! I’m not coming down to eat, so you’re going to have to have family time without me,” Alex barks, and then he is forcibly pushing Hank out of the room and he promptly slams his door in his face.
Alex cries as he slides down his bedroom door, because he’s painfully hard, and he feels sick. So very sick.
Hank leaves almost instantly, and Alex is grateful.
---
Alex doesn’t get anything to eat that night, but he does the next morning.
He’s the first to be awake, and that is completely new, usually Charles is awake before dawn. But no, it’s only Alex, and he’s so relieved.
He gets a quick shower—a cold shower—and then gets changed. He soon trudges downstairs, alone, and raids the fridge and the cabinets in the kitchen so he can find something to eat. He makes a bowl of cereal for himself, but he’s still not full after eating it, so he grabs the toaster and makes himself some toast. Some with butter and some with jam.
He eats eight slices before he calls it quits and pulls the toaster plug out. He’s still the only one in the mansion that's awake, and he looks outside the window and sees how the clouds gather and loom. It doesn’t look particularly scary, just not appealing. It’s an indication of how cold the day will probably be, but Alex doesn’t care.
He grabs the finished product of his suit that Hank repaired weeks ago and heads down into the bunker to relinquish some hardened anger.
---
During his time in the bunker, no one comes looking for him. Not that he expects that. After he yelled at the Professor and left, after he slammed his door into Hank’s face, and after he’s been avoiding Sean, he doesn’t expect either one of them to want to see him.
Alex is okay with that. He truly is.
He’s used to being alone.
He destroys twelve plastic naked ladies and tries his hardest to imagine them as real people. They come to life in his mind, naked, but boring and undesirable. They mean nothing to him—not even the random naked women he makes up in his mind as he trains. No. They’re nothing. Not even a spark of lust leaves him.
He wants to cry. He wants to be normal. But he’s not. Sean gets him hot. Sean gets him hard. He wants Sean naked, in his bed, not these random made up women.
He just wants Sean. And he distracts himself from the reality of not being able to have him by blowing up more shit.
---
As he exits the bunker, he makes his way back to the mansion, hoping for some lunch. He knows that he’s going to bump into someone on the way, and whoever it is he vows to apologize to them, but unfortunately for him it’s the one guy he doesn’t want to say sorry to.
He doesn’t even bump into Sean.
It’s even before he enters the mansion.
Sean is in the exact same spot as before. He’s lying on the grass in the garden on the left side of the mansion’s entrance. With his sunglasses. Staring up at the sky. Like Sean always does.
He could go into the mansion and continue his endeavors of avoiding this redheaded devil, but he finds that his feet are already making the decision for him. He’s standing just beside Sean, but he notices that Sean’s eyes are closed, so Alex clears his throat gently.
“You’re gonna get cold,” Alex repeats from a couple of days ago, and he doesn’t feel weird about it.
This time, Sean laughs. And then opens his eyes. And they’re staring at each other again, no, they’re gazing at each other, and Alex loses his breath.
“Stop acting like my mom,” Sean giggles, and he swats at Alex’s ankle, but Alex doesn’t step away.
It’s strange. Sean isn’t being sour, doesn’t appear to be mad at him. Wasn’t Sean worried? Wasn’t Sean pissed that he had been avoiding him? Apparently not. Either Charles made that up to Alex, or Sean is just good at hiding what he truly feels.
Knowing Sean, Alex believes it’s probably the latter.
“I’m not,” Alex protests, but Sean just rolls his eyes and then proceeds to stare at the sky.
Alex follows Sean’s gaze. He doesn’t see much. Just a dark blue sky with some overbearing clouds. The same state that their sky is always in. He has no idea why Sean is so fascinated by it, but he doesn’t ask. Doesn’t believe it’s his right.
Despite being hungry, they have nowhere to be. No dinner to make just yet. So Alex rubs the back of his neck and asks, “Mind if I sit?”
Sean blinks at him, then closes his eyes, only to reopen them to stare back up at the sky. He watches as Sean’s freckled hand pats the grass beside him, and Alex takes that as a good invitation.
Alex settles himself in the grass beside Sean, and they both lay there peacefully, and Alex thinks that he’s content. He’s always content around Sean. He doesn’t feel sick and there is no urge to cry and break down like yesterday. He wonders what’s changed. If anything has at all.
He finds that he’s staring at Sean rather than staring at the sky, but he doesn’t mind. He has a pretty sight. Sean doesn’t seem to mind either.
“You’re being quiet,” Alex observes, and it gets him a look from Sean, and Alex laughs.
“I am,” Sean agrees, slowly, like he isn’t quite sure why. “Want me to say something?”
“You usually do,” Alex shrugs, “You usually have a lot to say. You never shut up.”
“Oh, fuck you, man,” Sean pouts, and Alex has to refrain from taking up the offer.
“I’m just saying, dude. You’re too quiet,” Alex amends, clearing his throat awkwardly, but Sean doesn’t say anything.
Instead, Sean rolls towards Alex, on top of Alex. Their legs are tangled together and Sean’s head is being settled on to his chest and he has no other option but to enclose his arms around Sean’s back. He feels Sean smiling into his uniform.
“I better start talking then,” Sean hums, “Not sure what about though. There’s nothing much to say. You’re really comfy, by the way. We should do this more often.”
Alex’s breath stutters dramatically. “D-Do w-what more often?”
Sean lifts his head to give Alex a weird look, “Cuddle. We should cuddle more often.”
Alex has never felt more relieved, but he still has Sean on fucking top of him, and his body is starting to stir, starting to take a real interest.
“Tell me about the sky,” Alex blurts.
“What?”
“The sky,” Alex repeats, closing his eyes, feeling dumb. “You’re always staring at it. Tell me about the sky.”
So Sean does.
---
An hour later when the Professor rolls out of the mansion to see Alex and Sean curled around each other on the grass, Sean still hasn’t stopped talking.
Alex hasn’t stopped listening either.
Sean hasn’t told him why he watches the sky all day, why he’s fascinated with the clouds, but he has told him about the weather, about how he likes to watch out just in case they do get sun, just in case it’s fleeting.
Sean tells him that he misses the sun. That he loves the sun and hopes that it will return to them one day.
So maybe Sean has told Alex why he likes the sky so much. Why he’s fascinated.
Alex reads between the lines and decides that Sean is waiting for a miracle. Waiting for everything to be okay. Sean is hopeful, Alex understands, and he’s okay with that.
“Boys,” Charles announces, and Alex moves Sean from his front so they can both sit up and pay attention to the Professor. “Come inside. I have something to say.”
Sean almost helplessly scrambles to his feet, and this time Sean is the one who holds out his hand. Alex contemplates the pros and cons on taking it, but in the end he isn’t given a choice because Sean grabs his hand anyway and yanks him up.
It takes a while for either one of them to drop the other’s hand, and Alex doesn’t actually want to be the first one to lose the contact, but it seems like Sean has the same problem. Alex doesn’t know what to do, but when Charles calls for them again, Sean gives his hand a squeeze and then runs into the mansion. Alex is left empty but with a spark of life.
---
They’re all sitting at the table again, Charles at the stop, Hank on his right, and then Sean and Alex respectively on Charles’ left.
Alex isn’t sure what the talk is going to be about. Maybe it’s about the apology Alex rudely stopped Charles from making earlier, but when Charles opens his mouth, Alex realizes that it was not the case.
“I have decided to open a school.”
And then Charles spends half an hour explaining to them all that this is the direction he wants to take. That making this mansion into a school is what he wants to do, is the right thing to do. Charles wants to gather young mutants just like themselves and give them a safe haven, give them a place where they can grow and learn with their powers, learn how to be a better them and be comfortable with who they are born to be.
Charles wants them all to help, wants all of them to be involved, wants them to be a family again. He wants their lives to have a direction. Charles wants to be involved; he doesn’t want to sit back and be passive anymore.
Hank understands.
Sean is excited.
And Alex... Alex is proud.
---
Alex doesn’t feel like anything has changed.
Every night.
Every night Sean showers.
Every night Alex gets hard.
Every night Alex beats himself up.
Every night Alex cries.
Every single night Alex does not get his release and his wanting for Sean just expands and increases and increases and expands.
Every. Single. Night.
He doesn’t wear anything for bed, he ‘sleeps’ naked, just because he wants to believe it relieves the pressure.
He’s crying right now, wanting to go to sleep but he can’t, so he doesn’t. He stays up all night, stays up watching the world change outside of his window, but when the morning rolls around, he sees yellow.
Fucking yellow.
He sees sun.
---
“Alex!”
It’s a scream. More than a scream. It’s a shriek.
Alex jots upwards so he’s sitting in his bed, still naked, and that is very much a problem when Sean immediately bursts into his room, fucking flawless and shirtless, and Alex just grows.
Alex fucking grows.
“Alex, fuck, look! It’s fucking sunny!”
Sean looks so excited, so ecstatic, so fucking happy, and Sean is beautiful that way. But Alex doesn’t appreciate it at five in the morning.
No. He fucking doesn’t. Not when it’s five in the morning and he’s naked and Sean has barged into his room without permission with only pyjama bottoms covering his breath-taking body.
And it’s not even like Sean is hot. No. Sean doesn’t have muscle, doesn’t have ‘curves’, doesn’t have any strength, his whole milky body is covered in freckles and his hair is dishevelled and red and curly and Sean’s smile is goofy and he probably isn’t even a good kisser but fuck, none of that matters.
Sean is the most beautiful person Alex has ever fucking seen in his entire life.
“Can we go outside?!” Sean squeals, jumping up and down by Alex’s window, Alex’s bedroom door still open.
Alex distantly wonders why Sean is even asking him for permission.
Sean hasn’t took the time to look at Alex in his bed properly yet, and Alex is grateful. Only, he’s not anymore. He wants Sean to look. He wants Sean to see. He wants Sean to see what he does to him.
“No,” Alex growls, but he’s not mad, he’s desperate, “Come here.”
And Sean is shocked when he turns around; confused and shocked. But then Sean doesn’t seem deterred, doesn’t run out of the room because Alex denied him time outside, and instead Sean is bounding up to him, sitting on the edge of Alex’s bed and beaming.
Alex knows he hasn’t noticed. Sean definitely hasn’t noticed even though Sean is staring right into his eyes. Alex knows this because he’s still underneath his covers, and they’re hiding his arousal pretty sufficiently.
“What is it?” Sean asks eventually, still not deterred.
“Why did you ask me to shower with you?”
And wow, maybe Alex shouldn’t have asked it like that.
He swallows thickly as Sean blinks, as if Sean has hit some traffic lights, and maybe Alex shouldn’t have said anything at all.
But then Sean is biting at his lip, almost worrying it, and Alex knows he’s struck a nerve.
Maybe... Maybe he’s found something.
“I... I—What?”
“Don’t play dumb,” Alex cuts in, sitting up, still keeping the covers around his waist. "Answer me."
He watches Sean’s eyes bulge ever so slightly as he stares at his naked torso, and okay, fuck, maybe Alex is getting somewhere. Because Sean is definitely checking him out.
Maybe he’s been the dumbest out of them all by avoiding Sean for so long.
“I... I...”
“Yes?”
“Well, because... Because I, um, I wanted to shower with you. I asked it as a joke but... but I still meant it.”
“Oh?”
“Oh, come on, Alex! Who wouldn’t want to fuck you?”
“Uh—What?”
Holy shit.
Holy fucking shit.
Sean looks fucking dead, like he just got shot, and he’s scrambling to get off of Alex’s bed and he sees damn tears in Sean’s eyes but he’s too quick—he grabs Sean’s wrist and yanks him back in.
“You just... Did you just say you wanted to fuck me?”
“Let me go, Alex!”
“Sean...”
“Alex, please.”
Alex clears his throat, and then smirks at him, “You can, you know.”
Sean blanches. Actually blanches. “W-What?”
“Fuck me,” Alex whispers, and then he’s moving forward, their faces inches away from each other.
Sean breathes out through his nose and Alex sees it—Sean’s dick, fuck, he’s getting hard.
Perfect.
“A-Alex...”
“Sean. You’re beautiful.”
“I—What?”
“You, Sean, are absolutely beautiful. I’m not sure if anyone has ever told you that. They should have, though. Because you’re absolutely beautiful. And I really, really care about you. I want you, Sean. You’re beautiful, fuck me, I love you.”
Alex is rambling now, his eyes are closed and his grip tightens on Sean’s wrist and he’s rambling, almost crying, but when he opens his eyes again, Sean is right there.
Alex sees that Sean is crying, and he hears a quiet, “I love you too,” before their soft lips slide over each other’s.
Alex is basking in the glow of having Sean’s lips pressed against his, but it’s soft, gentle, lips on lips, chaste, and he’s never been so stimulated by something so simple before. It feels so right. Feels so beautiful.
He notices that the sun is streaming through his window right now, coating both of them, drowning them in warmth, and it’s perfect.
Clichéd and perfect. Because they have sun now.
A sign of a new hope.
Sean notices it too, Alex sees when they pull apart, but when Sean’s eyes darken and he hungrily tugs at the covers that have been covering Alex’s naked body until said covers lie forgotten on the floor, because then Sean is pushing Alex down, nestling on top of him.
It feels completely different to how it was in the garden, but this is better. So much better. When Sean presses his hips down onto his hard cock and claims his mouth in a bruising kiss, the sun still basks down on them, but it’s forgotten in both of their minds.
---
Hours later, the sun is still in the sky. Still smiling down on them all, because they did it. They took the first step.
Who knows what their second is.
---