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It was early morning when Sagiri was gently shaken awake.
With a grumble, she pushed herself off the cold stone on which she slept, rising to her knees. She rubbed her eyes, looking up at her steadfast companion, who was far better than she at waking before sunrise.
“Mornin’. Rise and shine.”
“Ah…good morning, Yuzuriha.”
Shaking the sleepiness from her head as best she could, Sagiri began packing up her bedroll. After a quick double-check to ensure she had enough rations for the trip, she slung her pack over her shoulder. She stifled a yawn, following behind the shorter woman as she exited the mouth of the cave the two had camped in.
“I’m thinking we cut through the valley, there,” Yuzuriha pointed at the horizon, “We’d have to take fewer breaks, but we should make it to Izumo before nightfall.”
“A sound plan,” Sagiri nodded, forcing another yawn out before taking a tentative step out of the cave. “Shall we?”
Yuzuriha nodded, stepping outside to join her.
It was hardly the first time the two had awoken this early, to this routine. In the several months Sagiri had wandered the Japanese countryside with Yuzuriha, the two found they always made the most of a day’s travel if they woke up early.
Sagiri had no qualms with this. She was used to waking up early for training in her youth, and her time on Shinsenkyō Island all but required one to stay up all night if they wanted to survive. Harnessing the power of raw stress, Sagiri was undeniably good at, well, not sleeping.
Or, at least, she used to be.
Ever since she began traveling with Yuzuriha, Sagiri found herself inexplicably sleeping far later than she had ever intended to. Before long, she didn’t even need to meditate before bed anymore; her body would practically just go limp on its own, giving in to fatigue. It was a little embarrassing to see how quickly her once-disciplined sleep regimen had fallen apart, but Yuzuriha never chided her for it.
Unlike Sagiri, the kunoichi was very accustomed to going days without sleep. Even when she needed to rest, she could practically do it with her eyes still open. So long as she woke Sagiri up, the two could continue their early-morning departures without issue. And so she did. Every morning, without fail, Sagiri was woken by a gentle shake on the shoulder. Like a breath of wind, whispering in her ear to rouse her. She far preferred it to any rooster cry or morning summons.
For a while, Sagiri wondered why her sleeping habits had changed so drastically–why she was suddenly able to slip into slumber without any issue or discomfort. It was one autumn morning when she and Yuzuriha shared some foraged wild berries that she finally came to an answer.
Sagiri felt safe with her. With Yuzuriha.
At first, the answer confused her. It wasn’t as though Sagiri hadn’t felt safe with anyone before. She had spent most of her life under the same roof as her fellow Asaemon—valiant individuals she would gladly entrust her very life with. Not to mention, Sagiri could easily defend herself, so it wasn’t as though she particularly needed to be protected.
It was more that Yuzuriha was something different . Circumstances had forced Sagiri to forge bonds with various criminals and vagabonds, but none of them were quite like her.
At first glance, she seemed to be a rather frivolous woman, an individual with little regard for the lives and trust of those around her. She was an opportunist, one who wouldn’t hesitate to sever any ties that didn’t directly benefit her. She was all jokes and grins, but anyone could tell they weren’t particularly genuine.
But Sagiri fought for Yuzuriha all the same, just as she’d fight for anyone else. She knew the only way off the hellish island was by banding together with as many competent individuals as possible. Sometimes, that included those deemed criminals. She had known from her brief yet valuable time with Gabimaru that these convicts were far from heartless. Even the most selfish and bloodthirsty were capable of empathy and compassion, a fact she refused to remain ignorant of.
She must have been doing something right, because before she knew it, Sagiri had watched something inside Yuzuriha begin to change. She started being less closed off. Her little teases and touches became more playful than mocking. She became more involved in decision-making and planning. Eventually, she would even go out of her way to defend Sagiri from mortal danger, even when it never benefited her.
It left a profound impact on the samurai that a supposedly lowly criminal responded to her kindness with sincere reciprocity. It didn’t matter how much the kunoichi tried to hide it; Sagiri knew Yuzuriha had a big heart. No matter how much she claimed she’d betray anyone who couldn't benefit her, she never abandoned Sagiri. In fact, the one time she actually had considered fleeing the island, she had approached Sagiri to convince her to come with her.
And now, here the two of them were, trekking through the snowy valleys of the countryside.
Things were a little different now. Sagiri was on indefinite leave from her Asaemon duties. Yuzuriha remained a wanted woman, but her theft and burglary had largely stopped. In fact, she hardly carried herself like a kunoichi at all anymore.
Her hair, previously tied up, was cut short and unkempt. Her tight-fitting clothes, ideal for intensive movement, were replaced with a soft yukata and haori. Where she once carried kunai, she now held travelling supplies.
The beguiling kunoichi she met years ago had undergone quite the metamorphosis. She looked and spoke like a different person, yet, despite all that, Yuzuriha still carried herself with the same air of grace.
Truthfully, Sagiri liked that. It was a reassuring thing to know the same woman was still in there, to glance over and see that same beautiful soul remaining at her side, even all this time later.
In fact, she must have been staring at Yuzuriha at this very moment, as a pair of red eyes met hers, a concerned expression following close behind it.
“You holdin' up okay?” Yuzuriha asked, tilting her head.
“A-Ah. Yes. I am fine.”
“You sure? You look like you’re shivering a little.”
“Truly? Well…I suppose I could have dressed for the cold a little better.”
Yuzuriha gives Sagiri a look, but drops it with a fond(?) sigh.
“We’ll be in a warmer area once we clear the valley. The amount of layers you’ve got on is gonna be well-suited for that.”
It’s a subtle reassurance, accompanied by Yuzuriha shifting slightly closer to Sagiri as they walk, as though to remind Sagiri that she is there with her.
Sagiri smiles at her in thanks.
…
And yet…
If Yuzuriha was faced with that same situation when they first met, she probably would have responded by breaching Sagiri’s personal space.
She would have gotten right up against the samurai, nuzzling her playfully while cooing about how she would protect her from the cold.
Back then, that was simply how Yuzuriha was. Touchy, without an ounce of respect for proper manners. Feely, acting as though she was intimately close with someone despite only having known them for a few days. She was shameless. If a woman from Sagiri’s home village had behaved that way, she’d be labeled a philandering harlot—someone to keep your children away from, lest they be whisked away into some red-light district of sin and debauchery.
Admittedly, this sort of behavior made Sagiri feel uneasy when she was first exposed to her. A small pit in her stomach, knowing she was fraternizing with the sort of folk her mother warned her to stay away from during village errand runs.
As time on the island wore her down, however, Sagiri grew to appreciate Yuzuriha’s quirks for what they were. Salacious though it may have felt, having someone so physically comfortable with her during a time so stressful was…pleasant.
Even if it was all a means for Yuzuriha to get on her captor’s good side, Sagiri took a teensy bit of pleasure in it. Besides, after everything they had been through, she knew that her companion’s acts of affection became genuine after a certain point. It was subtle, but she could undoubtedly feel it.
Nowadays, though? When she and Yuzuriha met again, to travel the countryside after years apart? Sagiri had been preparing herself to have someone be touchy around her once again. But to her surprise, she was preparing for nothing.
Yuzuriha did not once touch her. She made no move to caress her cheek or nuzzle her shoulder. She did not coo in that sing-song little voice she’d put on whenever she wanted her way.
When Sagiri used to ask why Yuzuriha would do this, back on the island, she would always tell Sagiri it was because she “loved” her.
Now? Sagiri never had to ask at all. There was no behavior to ask about in the first place.
It was confusing at first.
Initially, Sagiri almost appreciated it. Her conversations with Yuzuriha felt a little more…normal. Like she was talking with anyone else in her life.
But she wasn’t talking with just anyone else in her life, was she?
Yuzuriha was always something different .
Sure, she wasn’t putting on ridiculous, fake smiles all the time, now. She wasn’t clinging to Sagiri with the tenacity of a wild animal. She wasn’t saying all of these sweet little things to get a weird look out of the otherwise stalwart samurai.
But somewhere, buried deep in her bones…it felt wrong.
Sagiri tried to ignore that feeling as best she could. Yuzuriha was being genuine now, right? She didn’t have to force herself to smile like she used to. When she was happy, she simply showed it in other ways.
It was probably a good thing, right? For someone like her to feel that relaxed.
It was good thing, that Yuzuriha didn’t feel the need to touch her all the time.
That the two of them were simply good friends now, and not captor and criminal.
It was good.
This was good.
She didn’t miss it.
That would be silly.
That would be demeaning. Insulting.
That would be wrong.
Unbecoming. For a woman of her station.
She was better than those lousy men, stumbling drunk out of brothels.
She was above the little looks her male peers would give.
She was Yamada Asaemon Sagiri.
She was Sagiri.
Sagiri.
Sagiri.
Sagiri?
“Sagiri?” Yuzuriha frowned.
The samurai stopped. Yuzuriha was standing in front of her.
She took a moment to remember she could breathe. She blinked. The snow felt cold around her ankles. The sun peeked over the mountains, pink hues lying over cloudy skies.
“Sagiri,” Yuzuriha repeated.
“Yes…?”
“What’s wrong. I know something’s wrong,” She asked, though it wasn’t a question, so much as it was a demand.
“Ah…I am fine, really.”
“Nope. No, you’re not,” Her expression shifted, the woman staring at Sagiri with a ninja’s observant eyes. Her brow furrowed, somehow both annoyed and patient.
“I...beg your pardon?” Sagiri stammered.
“C’mon. You’re too easy to read. You left a thing at the cave, or something, didn’t you?”
“The…cave?”
“Yes. Just…tell me what you left so we can find a replacement in town.”
“A-Ah…um…” Sagiri trailed off, not knowing how to respond, “I…I didn’t leave anything. I’m fine. Do not worry, really–” She uttered, trying to move ahead once more, only to be stopped by Yuzuriha again.
“Sagiri,” The kunoichi continued, “I’m feeling nice, so I’ll believe, like, half of that. I know something’s wrong. Fess up.”
Yuzuriha looked at her with that same cocked brow, waiting for Sagiri to let words spill out.
There was no way out of this, was there?
Sagiri sighed, her cheeks reddening a little. She must have made a very particular kind of expression, because Yuzuriha’s stare immediately softened a little. She stepped closer. Sagiri cleared her throat.
“...We should not be stopped like this. We will be out past sundown—”
“Hey.”
Yuzuriha gently took her hand, kneading it between her fingers.
“...!”
“Talk to me,” She spoke.
…
Somewhere inside Sagiri, a dam breaks.
“...U-Um…forgive me, but…I was thinking,” Sagiri began. She looked back up at Yuzuriha, and then back down at the snow, unable to maintain eye contact.
“Yeah?” Yuzuriha murmured, gently urging her to go on.
“Well…since we started traveling together, you stopped…um…touching…me.”
Sagiri said the last part quietly, her voice creaking the tiniest little bit. Part of her hoped Yuzuriha hadn’t heard her at all, but she could practically feel the confirmation in the fingers drumming softly against her hand.
“Oh. Um. Yeah. What about that?” Yuzuriha tilted her head.
“You…used to wrap your arms around my body. And…caress my face.”
“...”
Yuzuriha looked at her with an unreadable expression. She simply waited.
Sagiri took a breath, anxiously clenching her other hand.
“Forgive me, but…why did you…stop?” She asked, squeezing every word out.
Yuzuriha took a half-step back, giving Sagiri a little more space. Her expression changed, and her eyes turned more thoughtful, a brief flicker of surprise behind them.
“Cause’ it made you uncomfortable. Why else?”
“O-Oh?”
“Yeah. I didn’t wanna get all in your face again. Figured’ you wanted your space and all.”
“Ah…I see.”
Sagiri went quiet for a moment. She stared at the snow once more, not knowing what to say. Yuzuriha thrummed her fingers against her hand once more, hoping to knead another response out of her, but to no avail.
“...Sagiri?” She spoke. Sagiri met her gaze.
“Yes…?”
Yuzuriha looked at her thoughtfully before giving her hand the tiniest little squeeze.
“Did you…like…want me to do that again?”
In that instant, Sagiri felt all the butterflies in the world shoot up her stomach and into her throat. It took every bit of strength she had to muster a nod.
She took a breath and then stepped forward, looking Yuzuriha in the eye.
“...I miss it.”
An expression of genuine surprise broke out on Yuzuriha’s face. Sagiri’s eyes darted back down to the snow again, her fist clenching along with it. She said it. Out loud. She said it before she could even fully think about it.
The next thing she knew, a pair of hands shot up to her cheeks, aiming her head so her eyes could meet hers. Sagiri watched as Yuzuriha broke into an incredulous laugh before wrapping her in a bear hug.
“Sagiriiiiiiiin~! I thought you hated it when I did that! Why didn’t you say so sooner?!” She cooed, nuzzling her head against Sagiri’s.
The taller woman stumbled back in surprise, nearly falling over as Yuzuriha threw all her weight against her.
“U-Um-! I, well, I..I–!” Sagiri found her balance, bringing her hands up to Yuzuriha’s shoulders, “I didn’t…want to…impose…”
“Impose?! What does that even mean?” Yuzuriha laughed.
“I-I don’t know! I didn’t know if you wanted to t-touch me anymore!”
“Are you kidding? I’d never say no to that, you big silly!”
Yuzuriha brought her arms up around Sagiri’s neck, thrumming her fingers gently along her shoulder blades. It was then that Sagiri actually got a good look at her expression.
That smile, that impossibly huge grin.
That was a real smile.
“I…I see,” Sagiri sighed, relieved. Yuzuriha giggled some more.
“Awwwww, Sagirin~! I still can’t believe you missed this! You must’ve wanted some lovin’ from little ol’ me for so long…”
“W-Well…! Um…I…ah…”
Sagiri trailed off, not knowing how or if she could answer that. Yuzuriha laughed her little laugh before gently leaning forward.
And she left her a little kiss. Right on the cheek. The heat lingered there long after she separated.
Until now, Sagiri wasn’t aware her cheeks could somehow get even hotter. Her feet buzzed, though she couldn’t tell if it was from the frigid snow or from all the blood in her body rising to her face.
The look of sheer endearment on Yuzuriha’s face suggested the latter.
Sagiri let out a shuddering sigh. This woman was impossible.
“Well? Was that good? What’s that look mean, my fair lady?” She asked, playfully bumping her body against hers.
Sagiri took a breath.
She was glad things were different now. She was glad her life had taken so many turns over such a short amount of years. She was glad she had changed, and that the people around her seemed to change with her.
But…maybe not everything needed to rush to catch up .
“U-Um…Yuzuriha…?”
“Yea~?”
“Could you…um…”
“...Could you do that again?”