Archive of Our Own ^beta

         "World peace... is easier than it sounds," Hashirama says, a lazy smile on his lips as he samples one of the most recent batches of his greatest creation. 

         No, not Konoha. That's like... third best. 

         Friendship with Madara comes second. 

         No, no, his best creation by far has to be the lovely little things being packed in boxes soon to be shipped out to various vendors in the great nations who have been all but begging for another shipment since the last all of a week ago. Hashirama has only been in business for six months but already built quite the customer base. The name is a bit unimaginative, but it's what Tobirama had called it and Hashirama is nothing if not a sentimental sap who would do anything for his baby brother. Put that disgusting thing down, anija. I should never have let you experiment with the ditchweed. Thus, 'weed' was born. 

         "Please tell me you're not planning to smoke that entire thing before the meeting with the clan heads." 

         Hashirama blinks at his observer, a slow smile growing on his face and a laugh in his chest as he finds his brother staring at him in tacit disapproval. "You know it doesn't affect me like that, otouto. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it a little bit." 

         "If it doesn't affect you, then what's the point?" 

         "Quality control is important, Tobirama. Surely you of all people can understand that." 

         "I understand that you're the leader of this village, utterly shameless, and entirely too comfortable with fact that you're a drug dealer." 

         Hashirama sighs, obediently dropping the blunt and stubbing it out under his sandal. What a waste. "You are absolutely no fun. That's the entire point of my business, you know? To help people loosen up. Maybe you ought to have some, then spend some time with Madara and Izuna. They've actually gotten really into it. Apparently, it has a sort of nullifying effect on the trauma that comes with the Sharingan." 

         "You got Madara and Izuna addicted to weed?" 

         The mokuton-user gasps, grabbing his brother's shoulders. "You think I would dare sell an addictive substance to my own best friend and his little brother? You can't get addicted to weed." 

         Tobirama arches a brow. "How many boxes has Madara had?" 

         "I- Not that many!" 

         "Really? Because by my count, excluding the entire pallet Madara claimed for the Uchiha clan from today's shipment, he and Izuna have consumed a total of six crates. That's twelve per box, twenty boxes per carton, and thirty cartons to one crate. That's 7,200 sticks per crate, anija! And they've consumed six by themselves!" 

         Hashirama flaps a hand. "What's a little bit of recreation for the Uchiha when their entire clan has been worried and tense since the ceasefire last year? Those with the Mangekyo like Izuna and Madara deserve some relaxation. This has been great for public relations with them, really!" 

         "You call smoking an inordinate amount of weed a little bit of recreation? And I don't believe it counts as public relations when the last conversation Izuna had with me consisted of one word." 

         "But I'll bet you 50,000 ryo it wasn't a swear word, and that's progress." 

         "Nobody's taking your stupid bets, anija." 

         Hashirama laughs boisterously. "You only ignore my bets when I have a real chance of winning, which means I was right, so ha! Public relations between the Uchiha and the Senju are only continuing to improve. That's not even mentioning our relationships with the other great nations. Ironically enough, I think I can say Iwa hasn't been so down-to-earth in centuries!" 

         Tobirama curls his lip. "Enough with your jokes. You're ruining the economy."

         "Ruining the-" Hashirama can't help a burst of laughter. "Oh, my dear little brother, if anyone is ruining the economy, it's you and your refusal to let me ship out more than twenty pallets a week. The other hidden villages are willing to pay a premium for anything I grow, and being limited to such a small amount when I could be doing so much more for our relationships with other hidden villages is honestly ridiculous." 

         "If I don't slow you down, we'll have to change the name of the village, and it was tedious enough to build the damn thing in the first place." 

         "Really? To what?" 

         "The Village Hidden in the Smoke, most likely." 

         Hashirama guffaws, clapping his brother on the shoulder and squeezing him in a tight side hug that has Tobirama elbowing him to get out of it. "Oh, Tobi! Don't be so glum." 

         "I think I'm more than justified to be concerned with how you're going to govern this village when half your council might begin to show up with red eyes and a lazy attitude to rival a Nara. Our shinobi need to be able to focus and remain clear-headed if they are to carry out missions for other villages, daimyo, or whomever our clients may be, and this? This directly impedes their senses." 

         "Ah, but if there's no fighting between villages as a result of my product, then our shinobi wouldn't have to be so vigilant, now would they?" 

         "And when criminals get a taste and decide they ought to commit acts of theft to claim it?" 

         Hashirama rolls his eyes. 

         "I-" 

         "Hey! Dumb tree!" a voice shouts. Uchiha Izuna comes charging at them both in a tie-dyed kimono shirt with Madara in tow and a worried-looking Hikaku trailing them both. "Dumb tree, hey!" 

         Hashirama arches a brow. 

         Abruptly, Izuna skids to a stop. "Duuuude. Now I see the family resemblance." 

         The Highkage—ahem— Hokage chuckles indulgently, waving away Izuna's blatant disrespect when Hikaku tries to scold him. "Glad to see you in good spirits, Izuna. What was so important that you had to come running all the way here?" 

         "Right, right! Nii-sama and I totally had a revelation when we broke into your most recent batch! We finally came up with a brand name for your weed! Oh, and a slogan!" 

         Tobirama scowls. "You've been operating for six months without a brand name? Successfully?"

         Hashirama ignores him completely and grins. "Well? What's the name?!" 

         "Spirits help us." 

         "Picture this, Hashirama!" Izuna insists, spreading his hands wide. "The best brand of weed on the market! 'Zetsu! Experience a world without lies!'" He looks so proud of himself and Madara that it's almost hard to believe. "Pretty good, huh?" 

         Hashirama blinks, blinks again, then breaks out in the brightest of smiles. "That's brilliant!" 

         "I'm disowning you." 

         "Nonsense, Tobirama! Just look at the teamwork we're fostering between our clans! Isn't Izuna and Madara's thoughtfulness just wonderful?!" Hashirama takes Tobirama once more by the shoulders and steers him toward the Hokage tower. "Come on! There's still so much to do today!" 

         They arrive at the meeting with the clan heads fifteen minutes early. The only one there is Nara Shikagemo, and Tobirama all but snarls beside him when the clan head takes a huge breath from the ceremonial pipe and turns to stare at them with droopy but pleased eyes. The room is filled with smoke. 

         "What a drag," the man wheezes. 

         "Anija." 

         "Yes, otouto?" 

         "Start running." 

         As Hashirama flees the meeting room, the Nara clan head peers after them with squinted eyes before shrugging, laying back on the table, and blowing a plume of smoke into the air. "Man, talk about chasing clouds."