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Damian learned that holidays were not important to his father. Has he ever gotten into a festive mood? No. Yes, he celebrated, yes, he brought gifts and candy for his kids, yes, he decorated, but he never got into the festive mindset. Damian didn’t either, so he didn’t mind. Dick and Stephanie did, but Damian also didn’t care what they thought.
Brucie Wayne, though?
Yeah, apparently that was a different story.
And by extension, that means that the entire Wayne family is forced into being festive for every holiday. Damian thought that Valentine's Day was the worst one, but no. It was by far Halloween. He hadn’t even celebrated Halloween before this, so he went into this with very low expectations.
Both Dick and Stephanie seemed ecstatic about the upcoming holiday, but refused to say what they would be doing. Tim had been busy with a case for the last week and a half and had been chugging coffee and energy drinks obsessively, so Damian had not had a chance to ask about what would happen. Cassandra had been decorating all of their safe houses with autumn decor, even if she didn’t have the keys. They would go to sleep in a safe house one night, and there would be no decor, and by the time they woke up, it would be fully decorated. Damian suspected Barbara and Duke were helping her with this, but somehow, he had been able to gather exactly zero fingerprints, hairs, or any DNA samples, so it was just guesses.
And Jason? Jason had fucking disappeared. No one knew where he went. The trackers were gone, no one had seen him in Crime Alley, and he hadn’t even contacted Alfred. Damian should have followed in his footsteps. But alas, he didn’t
And now he was stuck in a fancy ass gala. With his siblings. All in costumes.
Damian wasn’t even sure how it happened, but he ended up dressed like Stephanie with purple glitter on every part of his body. It was absurd. Duke was dressed up like Tim, Tim was dressed up like Alfred, Cassandra and Barbara were each other, and Stephanie was dressed up like Dick. Oh, who was Dick dressed up as, you ask? Jessica Rabbit.
That wasn’t even the worst part, even though it definitely should have been.
No.
The worst part was his father.
The Black Bat. The one who strikes fear in the heart of all Gotham villains, the one whom he had admired more than anyone. BATMAN.
Was dressed up like Cat Woman. The latex suit and everything, including the fucking whip and cat ears. It was humiliating. Bruce had been going around, flirting with anyone he could find, chugging drink after drink, and pretending to whip other drunk people. That was definitely the worst part.
“Aren’t you a cutie? Dressed up as your sister? That’s the most adorable thing ever!” A woman cooed as he approached, setting down her champagne glass so she could cup his cheeks. Stephanie, who was at the punch bowl pouring something suspiciously alcohol scented in it, grinned and skipped over to wrap an arm around her brother.
“I have to say, I like Dames a lottt more when he looks like me! I think he pulls off the blonde hair look, don't you??” She chirped, ruffling Damian’s hair to make sure the glitter was all in it. Steph leaned close to his ear, whispering, “You will be picking that glitter out until the next Halloween, Dames. Hope you like purple.”
Damian did not like purple.
The woman nodded enthusiastically before giggling at something behind them and shuffling away to engage in that instead. “Brown, when this is over, I will have your head on a silver platter and feed it to Cain. You will feel my wrath.” He swore. And she would, he would make sure of it.
“Yeah, that might be a bit hard, demon spawn. You’ve been leaving a trail of glitter everywhere you go for the past hour; you’d get caught immediately. Nice idea, though.” Fuck she was right. This whole holiday fucking sucked. It was the worst thing to ever happen to him or anyone else.
The few reporters there were getting a kick out of his family's costumes, mostly Dick and Bruce’s, though Stephanie was getting a few pictures taken of her because she somehow acquired a rainbow feather boa and sunglasses, which she was fully using to her advantage. She had used it to “tie” Cassandra and Tim’s hands together more times than Damian deemed appropriate.
Dick was just strutting around like a flamboyant peacock, periodically moon walking for some ungodly reason, and sassily applying red lipstick at any given chance. But at least he wasn’t blatantly flirting with every person he could find, regardless of gender, like Bruce had been. He had even wrapped his whip around some guy's neck at one point while making out with him. It was deeply disturbing.
Damian had taken to sitting in the corner, sipping the only drink he could find that hadn’t already been spiked, which happened to be raspberry lemonade, and saying he had a headache to anyone who asked. That was most definitely not true, but it made people leave him alone. Sometimes. Though a sweet old lady walked over and kneeled next to him, complimenting his costume and giving him like 3 handfuls of those strange strawberry candies that Damian had already somehow fallen in love with, that he cannot find anywhere except old ladies’ purses. Damian didn’t mind talking to her, though; she was very sweet.
Those candies were shoved into his purse that Cassandra got him, though not for long, because he kept shoving his hand in and eating some. Periodically, one of his siblings would come over and sit with him for a second, refill his drink, tease him, and eventually take away his candy wrappers to throw them away. It was mostly Cassandra and Barbara, though their costumes were disturbingly good, so it was really hard to tell who was who until they started talking.
After an hour and a half of sitting there on his phone and devouring those strawberry candies, Bruce finally was the one to come over and check on him. He had made a scene across the room and fled the scene of the crime to check on his youngest, somehow not getting caught or seen other than an amused look from a reporter who seemed to work at the Daily Planet, but he didn’t say anything.
“Damian. I’m assuming you are just bored of being here and not injured in any way?” He spoke, sitting down in one of the chairs that were closest to him. Not that Damian could make himself look at his father without wanting to jump him.
“Yes, Father. I am fine, just tired of this festive nonsense. I hope you are aware that next year, I will not be doing this again. There is no chance. The only good part of this party is that an elderly woman gave me several handfuls of the strawberry candies I have grown fond of. I still am unaware of their name.” He huffed, reaching into the bag and pulling out one of the candies, handing his father one.
“We’ll see about that. And besides, no one knows the name. It’s the magic of grandparents. We only have to be here for another two hours, after that we’ll go back home and pray that we can get all of that glitter out of your hair.” Bruce took the candy from Damian’s hand, unwrapping it and easily popping it into his mouth.
“There is no point, Father. I suspect I will be finding glitter on my pillowcase for the rest of my life.” He sighed, making the grave mistake of glancing at his father for literally a second before looking away. “You know, Cat Woman will probably have a massive ego boost after this. I fear you have made a grave mistake with your attire.”
“I have gotten many compliments on my costume, Damian. I am aware you do not like it, and I do not particularly enjoy dressing up as a villain either. However, it fits for Brucie Wayne, so I must wear it for now.” Damian was sure his father was planning on saying something else, but there seemed to be a ruckus over across the room, so they both sighed and stood up.
Now, there was currently only one of his siblings that he still had a single ounce of respect for. That was Jason.
But, of course, everyone that Damian respects turns out to be the worst person ever.
There, Jason was, with contacts in so one would recognize him as Bruce Wayne’s dead son, in a fucking Laquifa cosplay. His jaw dropped to the floor. It was both horrifying and glorious, especially because Jason seemed to be wearing this of his own free will. He didn’t look murderous, more.. happy?
“This is the worst day of my life. Seeing Grandfather’s corpse was less horrifying than this. Halloween is awful; it is an abomination.” Damian breathed, grabbing another piece of candy from his purse and shoving it into his mouth. Bruce looked just as shocked as Damian was, staring at his second-oldest son in disbelief.
“I… yeah. This may be one of the strangest days I have experienced. Even if he is most likely only here for the alcohol. Which is weird in itself because he always complains about ‘rich people drinks’ as he calls them.” The older man nodded, watching as Dick ran over to Jason with a cup of some kind of liquor in his hand, which wasn’t very descriptive because by now, most things had been spiked, and cheered loudly.
Well, that was certainly enough Halloween for him. “Father, can you contact Alfred to pick me up? I am tired of witnessing these shenanigans.”
“No, if your siblings have to be here, so do you. Even if your siblings are enjoying it. Go find Cassandra and sit with her if you dislike it so much; she’s usually quiet at these things.” It’s quite hard to take Father seriously when he was in a sexy Cat Woman cosplay. It would be difficult for him to take ANYONE seriously if they were in a sexy Cat Woman cosplay, but he also didn’t usually see people in them.
“Brown spiked her drink and gave her ballet shoes, so she's dancing around a side room with Gordon and other people following her and throwing roses. I refuse to speak to Grayson or Todd. And Drake has been trying to steal my candy ever since he saw me eating it. Thomas has disappeared. I am not sure where he went.”
“Then go back to your corner, Damian. You do not have to speak to anyone, but you do have to stay here until I leave.”
Well fuck you too?
Regardless, Damian huffed and walked back to his corner to continue watching cat videos and texting back and forth with Jon. No one really bothered him after that, again, aside from Tim who was still insistent on Damian sharing his grandma candy with him (it was not happening any time soon) and Stephanie coming over like a fairy to sprinkle glitter onto his hair.
By the time he FINALLY got home, it was already like 3 in the morning. Dick had to be picked up by Koriand’r, Cassandra and Stephanie had disappeared into the shadows, Barbara was brought home by Commissioner Gordon (which wasn’t strange), and Duke and Tim went home together because the safe houses they were staying in were really close together. Jason hopped on his motorcycle and drove away after grabbing a whole bottle of vodka, despite being completely drunk. Somehow, no one stopped him.
“Welcome home, Master Bruce, Master Damian. How was your night?” Alfred asked, taking Bruce’s coat and whip at the door. Damian huffed and kicked off his shoes. “I presume that means that you did not enjoy it, Master Damian?”
“My father is dressed up like Cat Woman, Todd dressed up like a drag queen, and Grayson was Jessica Rabbit. Plus all of the drinks were spiked, including Cain’s. It was a horrendous experience and I will not be partaking in the festivities next year.” Damian grumbled before walking back up to his room.
The only good thing that came from the party was that old lady candy.
And the raspberry lemonade.
And maybe seeing Dick make a fool of himself when he tripped and knocked over the punch bowl. That was kinda funny.
Damian finally got to his room and pushed open the door, and immediately his eyes went to a basket that was sitting in the middle of his bed that he knew damn well was not there before. He had somehow managed to avoid Cassandra’s decorating spree, but only barely. He had set a trap at his window, a tripwire that would knock over a cup when someone touched it, which alerted him when Cassandra tried to enter.
So it wasn’t her. Besides, she had been at the party the whole time. Against his better judgment, Damian slowly approached. He had his suspicions about the contents, maybe something rigged to make leaves explode all over his room. Or gods forbid… it could be glitter.
He hesitantly opened it and found himself pleasantly surprised when he realized it was not filled with leaves or glitter, but full of hundreds of strawberry candies and Smarties. Which could only mean one thing.
Alfred has an old lady girlfriend who gave him the grandma candies as a gift.
Holy shit.