Chapter Text
Arriving at Vera’s place, Joe felt suddenly nervous. What if they couldn’t mend what had been broken over the years? They usually came out of the ‘discussion’ all right, but this was different. He’s been gone for nine years, and instead of talking to her.
He had to point out the team's flaws and everything that could be improved with new equipment, acting as a DI, as if that made any difference... he had behaved like a fool. When Steph said that Vera was a tough act to follow and didn't cut any slack, he immediately defended his former boss. Joe really needed to get his priorities straight, he thought. Joe suddenly realized he's not better than his wife.
You’re such a bloody idiot, he thought.
He parked, killed the engine, waited a few moments, and climbed out of his car, taking a deep breath. He felt like a schoolboy who had done something he shouldn’t have and got caught.
Vera, who had heard a car, looked out the window. An involuntary smile appeared on her lips when she saw Joe Ashworth approaching. He was the last person she expected to see, especially after what had happened.
She went to the door and opened it.
“Can we talk?” he asked, puppy dog eyes looking at her.
“Do you want to talk, or do you want to point out everything that goes wrong in the job I’ve been doing for more than forty years? She asked a little too dryly, even to her ears.
Vera sighed and took a step aside to let him in.
“Fancy a drink?”
Joe nodded his head.
“Have you lost your ability to speak?”
Joe Ashworth still didn’t answer, and Vera felt nervous.
So, whatever it was, he needed to say it was serious.
*
She took two tumblers – the only two that survived her father’s temper, since her mother had died. Vera heard the door being closed, and briefly wondered if he’d left.
Why would he leave when he asked you if he could talk to you? She told herself You, silly old bat.
Joe had followed into the living room but still hadn’t said anything.
“I bark more than I bite. You know that, right?” She asked as she handed him his drink.
She saw a small smile appear on his lips then.
“Talk to me, Pet.”
He pulled a chair and took a seat. Joe sighed and took a sip. Vera watched as she pulled a chair and sat as well.
“I’m sorry.” Finally, the words came.
Vera was bringing her glass to her lips, her movement paused midair at his words.
“For what exactly? Undermining my authority? Or because now that you are back, everyone should ask you what to do because you’ve had a promotion? Suddenly, you’re the best copper in Newcastle. Is that it?”
“Yeah, for that too.”
“You wanted to leave. I wasn’t going to be the one to stop you, love. What did you expect would happen? That our world would stop because you left? Murderers didn’t stop their crimes because Joe Ashworth left town.” She told him with just the slightest hint of bitterness in her voice, enough though for him to pick it up.
He realised then just how right his daughter was.
He didn’t meet her eyes when he said. “I left because I thought at that point that it was the best time and thing to do. I wanted to spread my wings.”
“Oh, that's how you felt then… I was cadging you.”
“No!” Joe said a little too forcefully.
“Sorry, love, but that is what I understand from what you just said.”
Joe Ashwoeth sighed heavily, visibly frustrated at himself.
“Joe, it’s me. Whatever you need to say, pet, I can hear it. I may be mad at you for a little while, but nothing more. I could never be mad at you for more than a few hours?”
“Yeah, I think, I do,” he said in a soft, low voice that she wasn’t used to.
“Look at me, Joe.”
“I’m really sorry for the idiot I’ve been since I’ve been back.” He said, his eyes levelled with hers now.
“There is progress, then, you can admit you’ve been acting like a complete imbecile.”
He looked down again. “Jessie made me realize a few things earlier.”
Vera frowned. “Jessie, your bairn, is she alright?”
“She’s not a bairn anymore, and no, not really.”
“Is there something I can do to help?”
At her words, a smile found its way on Joe’s lips, and his eyes found hers again.
“You can, yeah, by showing up at the house from time to time. The kids, my kids, miss you.”
Vera smiled, the first real smile he’d seen lightened her face since his return.
Vera Stanhope’s next words surprised him. “I miss them, too.”
“You do?”
“Shocking, isn’t it, coming from Mussolini?” Vera told him half-mockingly.
“You’ll never be going to let that one go, are you?”
“No.” Was her smiling answer.
“Jessie told me off for that remark…”
That made her frown.
“What do you mean, love?”
He laughed suddenly. “When I came home earlier, Jessie was home alone, and after she told me that I looked exhausted, she asked me how you were doing? I told her you were fine, and she didn’t believe me. She wondered if we’d had words again.”
“The lad knows lots of things, doesn’t she? Teens are often underestimated.”
“That’s basically what she told me.” Joe clearly wanted to say more, but hesitated.” He took the last gulp of his drink.
“Joe?”
She saw and heard him take a deep breath and wondered why he seemed reluctant to talk to her about whatever it was he had to get off his chest.
“She was upset by people’s behaviour. Apparently, they discussed some newspaper headlines, and a classmate showed an article about DCI Vera Stanhope, accompanied by a picture. And Jessie was proud because she knew you. The classmates' reaction was to laugh, say that someone wearing such clothes couldn’t be smart enough to solve a murder case.”
“I see.” She simply said.
“Jessie is saddened and angry by the disrespect they show. She’s not happy with her mom and me for using the dictator’s name in the first place when referring to you, saying we weren’t better than her class. I’m ashamed that she’s right. I try to teach them stuff, but I don’t act on what I preach to them; what kind of father am I? And...” his voice trailed off.
“And? Go on.” She encouraged him.
He sighed. “She overheard Celine on the phone mocking you as well.”
“Your Jess shouldn’t be upset on my behalf about what people think of me. I don’t.”
“You don’t, that’s right, but Jessie doesn’t understand that.”
“Tell her, I’m not like anyone else.”
“I will. You should tell her yourself, though.”
He didn’t expect her to say anything about that, so when she did, he was surprised. “I will. That’s what happens when you protect your lads from the outside world, pet. They become too sensitive. I’m not saying what Hector did with me was right either. A mix between the two would have been perfect, but parents act for the best with what they have, I suppose.”
“Yes.” He said, looking at her intently.
Joe was going to tell her the real reason for his return to Newcastle. Vera could see it in his blue eyes.
Joe breathed a few times slowly before finding the courage to tell her.
“My dad’s dying.”
The words made her close her eyes. She knew the feeling too well.
Her eyes opened again as she asked: “How long does he have?”
“A couple of months, if we are lucky. It’s getting to do point, he forgets who I am.”
“I’m so sorry, love.”
“That’s the reason why I took this gig in the first place. But if I’m being honest, it’s not the only reason I came back.”
“It’s not?”
“I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed my teacher, my friend, and the person I trusted the most. I thought I knew everything when I left. I thought I could handle the world by myself. Living somewhere else was just a formality… Oh god, I was wrong, I only understood what I had when I lost it.”
“It was your choice, love.”
“I know, but it was the wrong one. I had nothing there, no one to talk to. Not even my wife. she was so busy with her friends. Colleagues who weren’t doing their work thoroughly, like every copper is supposed to do. It frustrated me to no end; they were more interested in going to the pub. No one had any standards for the job. I had expectations, and they all crumbled down after a few weeks. I barely saw the kids or Celine, and yes, it was my choice, but I couldn’t stand the sloppy work.
“You could have called, you know.” She spoke.
“Yeah, I could have, but I was too damn proud and arrogant to admit it was not as easy as I thought it would be to spread my wings and fly on my own. You could have called as well, you know.”
I figured you had your life and didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. You hadn’t said goodbye.
Joe looked at her, stunned.
“What on earth made you think that?” He said, surprised.
“You didn’t say goodbye, you didn’t call.”
“You hate us fussing. I remember the last time.”
“True enough, but you weren’t going on vacation, love. You moved somewhere else entirely.”
“You have a point there, though I’m not certain if I would have talked to you or seen you that I would have left.” He told her sincerely.
“We only ever realize what we had when we lose it.” She spoke the words softly.
“Exactly. With our job, you think we’d learn a thing or two about life, but apparently, we don’t. We act as if nothing can happen to us.”
Vera Stanhope smiled, and her face lit up all of a sudden.
“Whaaat?”
Joe was expecting her to explain why she had a sudden smile, but she didn’t. Vera looked at him, waiting, as if challenging him to figure out what she was thinking about.
Challenge accepted. He thought.
Joe studied her face for a moment without saying anything. He wondered if he could figure out her thoughts; it had been so long since they last spent time together at her house. If Celine knew about it, she wouldn’t be happy, but he didn’t care after what his daughter had revealed. How had he not realized before how Celine had changed? When did she become so superficial, or had she always been this way? Did it only show now, or was it because Jessie told him what she’d heard? He had no idea, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answers, nor was he certain he could keep living with her if she kept acting like that.
He'll need to give it some thought and discuss it with his wife.
Now Joe focused back on Vera. After a moment, a lopsided smile appeared.
The ice and green apple break after Holly’s departure and the closing of the Macken case.
“We still get it.” She spoke.
“We do.”
The inexplicable connection between them was still there even after all these years
“If you want, I can pull a few strings so you can be on the team again? That would be one thing less to worry about.
“I wouldn’t mind, thanks.”
“As for your lass, don’t worry, love.”
No words followed her sentence. Joe knew that whatever she had in mind, it would be alright.
“Fancy an ice cream?” He winked.
Her heart did that funny little thing again, just like it had the first time.
“Fancy an apple?”
They both stood and headed for the door. Vera fetched her car keys, and moments later, they were in her Land Rover. Even if they couldn’t get an ice cream at this hour, the bench was still there, and they could listen to the tide rolling in.
The End.