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He had in fact, gotten his helmet back.
The firefighters promptly arrived to extinguish the raging flames. Each of them diligently took turns circling around the hostages, skillfully binding the goons. Jason took particular enjoyment in tying his thugs up, a wry smile on his face while the little girl pressed her face into his Kevlar. Commissioner Gordon and a couple of his officers from the GCPD showed up after that. Despite the intensity of the situation they all found themselves in, despite the fact he had escaped that explosion by the actual skin of his damn teeth, in the end everything had gone smoothly, no one got seriously injured. He called that a win. Even though there was no immediate threat, the little girl continued to cling to him, seeking comfort and reassurance. He held her tightly, reminiscent of how Bruce had once held him years ago, providing a sense of security and protection.
“It’s okay.”
When one of them tried to take the girl away from him, the kid whined and Jason pulled back, shaking his head. The kid trusted him, and seemed to want around no one but him at the moment. Which given what just happened, he was fine with.
Besides, he had a promise to keep.
The kid didn’t seem to want to let him go, not even when he had located her parents not twenty yards away from the building that had just exploded, did her grip on him lesson, it took her mothers joyous yell for her to finally let him go. Tears from the parents were shed and the father thanked him personally, grateful for saving his little girl.
Everything had been fine, until he turned his comms back on and was bombarded with several voices practically yelling into his ear.
Steph sounded worried, Tim was actually reprimanding him, and though he couldn’t see Cass, he knew she was giving him her signature disapproving stare, even Damian chimed in. “Such a foolish move on your part, Todd.”
Before he could even give out a retort to that, something snarky to lighten the tension he suddenly felt drape over his shoulders. Jason blinked when he heard Barbara switch off everyone’s comms, except their own. Immediately, he could sense her anger. “Listen, Babs—“
“I don’t care if you are armed to the teeth against an army, Hood! You answer your comms.”
He flinched, letting out an exasperated sigh, “Kinda couldn’t do that, busy trying to save a kid and had to take my helmet off—“
“Which is against protocol.”
Jason threw a leg over his bike and started the engine. “The kid was scared of me, Barbie. What was I supposed to do!? Leave her there!?”
“Answer your comm.”
“Jesus Christ, Barb, you’re acting like I’m the first to turn off their communications—“
“No, Jason.” Barbara’s voice raised an octave higher, cutting him off. Jason couldn’t help but be baffled by her tone, she wasn’t normally this... aggressive? Harsh? Angry? Even as a kid, he remembered her being so soft, kind and understanding. This was something new. “ Do you hear me? Out on the field we have rules, protocols. No communication is certain death out here.”
Especially for you, the words were left unspoken but he heard them, regardless.
Jason closed his eyes, he hadn’t wanted to admit it; gripping the man's collar tightly while cradling the child in his arms, desperately searching for any possible escape route. Smoke filled his lungs and he tried not to think of that day, the last time he’d been in a building set to implode. He held the little girl tighter to him, heart beating, breath catching—
He shook his head. He was fine, everything was fine .
“Jason…” Barbara sounded tired, a sigh escaping her, “I’m… Ten seconds, you had ten seconds.”
Jason pressed his lips tightly, guilt hitting him like a sledgehammer, and revved the engine of his bike. “Sorry, Babs, gotta go.”
“Ja—“
He cut comms with her before she had a chance to say anything else and privated his channel. He drove through Gotham’s street with near reckless abandon, he tried to focus, to not think back on Oracle’s lecture towards him. But he found himself frustrated, he knew her reasonings, she’d been worried but he was fine. Nothing happened, everything worked out.
It hadn’t been three minutes into his ride, when Jason heard a chirp , of someone attempting to connect to his channel, he sighed, “Barb, I told you—“
“As flattered as I am to be compared to someone as amazing as Barbara, it’s just me, little wing.”
“Dickwing.” Jason rolled his eyes, unimpressed by his brother’s jokes, “I’m assuming you heard what happened.”
There was a silence on the other end for a moment, “Yeeah, Timmy told me. ”
Jason scoffed, he stopped at a red light and waited for the light to turn green, his eyes glued straight ahead of him, not giving the guy that was this red Chevy impala that was definitely staring at him, even a glance, “Figured.”
“Only because he was worried.” Dick interjected quickly, “Said you gave them a bit of a scare.”
Jason closed his eyes a moment, when he opened them again the light was green, he revved his engine and held up his middle finger, the driver to his right, looked offended out of his peripherals as he sped off. “You gonna give me a lecture like Barbie just did?”
“Actually I was calling to see if you were okay.” Dick said, his voice free of any disapproval tones, “I just… know the last time something like this happened—“
He gripped the bars of his bike. “I had it handled.”
“But are you okay?”
Jason huffed, “Everything worked out.”
“You’re not answering my question, little wing. Are you okay?”
“I…” Jason sighed, “Listen, I appreciate you checking on me, but I’m tired. Can we take a rain check on this heart to heart for a later date?”
There was another pause on the other end, not long, only for a moment or two, Jason waited as patiently as he could.
“Alright, sure. Rain check then.” Jason didn’t miss the disappointed tone in his brother’s voice, he felt his heart twist with guilt, Dick had a heart of actual gold, he cared so much for the people he loved. Jason appreciated that, he appreciated being a part of that group of people in Dick’s life but right now he just wanted to sleep and forget about everything for a few hours. “Get some sleep, Jay. You sound like you need it.”
He nodded, ending the call without another word. Now he was alone. Alone with his thoughts and the soreness of his own body as the adrenaline from before was finally catching up with him. Jason inhaled deep through his nose but as he hit another red light, another shrilled chirp, vibrating through his ears. He let out a low groan, “Steph, I swear if that’s you —“
The voice on the other end however, was definitely not Stephanie, “It’s me.”
Jason blinked in disbelief, “B?”
“You coming to the cave?”
He shook his head, he hadn’t planned on it, especially not after those conversations with Barb and Dick, he had a bad taste in his mouth, he wasn't in high spirits, and all he wanted was to be alone, maybe take a few painkillers for this headache he’s having. “I mean… Not really? I was planning on going to my apartment.”
There was silence on the other end for a moment, “I need to talk to you about what happened.”
Oh great.
“You too, B?”
“No, I promise, nothing like that, Just… come to the cave.” Bruce sounded tired, drained and Jason wasn’t faring much better. “I’ll be waiting.”
He sighed, feeling suddenly exhausted. “Fine. Whatever.”
He turned his bike around and made a reluctant upturn to Wayne Manor. He had on the way he played out exactly what he was going to say in his head. Rehearsed it several times. He inhaled through his nose as he saw the cave entrance coming into view. Preparing himself for the lecture he was about to receive.
He pulled to a stop, turning the engine off and kicked the stand down. Jason reached up to take off his helmet, running a hand through his hair, hoping that maybe if Bruce saw how tired he looked, the lecture wouldn’t be as bad as the one Barbara gave him. From his peripherals he saw a black silhouette back towards him, he steeled himself. “Alright, if this is about breaking protocol—“
Jason suddenly felt his world tilt on its axis, his shoulders stiffened and he felt his brain actually short-circuit like a computer as two warm and surprisingly strong arms wrapped themselves around him. One arm wrapped around his back, pulling him close to his chest, the other cradled the back of his head. Jason could help but be reminded that he has been held this tight since he was a kid and Two Face had gotten the jump on him one rainy night during patrol. It hadn’t been anything too serious, just a mild concussion but Bruce apparently had thought it looked worse as he practically crushed him to his chest afterwards.
“Uh…” Jason blinked, his arms staying as stiff as boards at his sides, “Bruce?”
“Jay… ” Bruce squeezed him a bit tighter for a moment, as though he were trying to shield him from the rest of the world, pressing the side of his head to his temple, his shoulders shaking. “Are you okay?”
It took a moment for him to grasp what brought this on. He scattered his brain that would give him some kind of clue or an answer to this abrupt change in his father, he thought about it and realized that Bruce had fought Scarecrow mere moments before they all left to help out with that hostage situation, so maybe Bruce had gotten hit with a higher dose of Crane’s fear toxin? Suddenly, Bruce held him just a little tighter , and for some odd reason that’s when it clicked .
Jason closed his eyes, a sigh escaping. “I’m fine, B.”
Suddenly, Bruce pulled away, cupping his cheeks and staring directly into his eyes, “Are you sure ? No smoke inhalation? No burns?” Jason blinked, immediately caught off guard by how frantic Bruce was, he was expecting fear but not this , no in those normally strong willed blue eyes was absolute terror. Bruce blinked back at him, then closed his eyes, inhaling a deep shaky breath. “I’m… I’m sorry… I heard what…”
“Babs told you what happened, huh?” He guessed, but Bruce shook his head.
“No, I heard everything , Jaylad.” The expression on Bruce’s face, it was a wild, anguished, exhausted one that made him age about twenty years. It was something Jason hasn’t seen in a long time. “I thought you were—”
Jason stood there as the world seemed to slow down, he vividly pictured Bruce in the cave, towering over the Batcomputer, his ears attuned to every sound, his eyes scanning the scene, his voice demanding answers, his panic palpable as he fought to suppress the near overwhelming emotions threatening to burst. Memories of the past, of Jason’s death, likely flooding Bruce's thoughts, the anguish of losing Jason long ago resurfacing, intensifying not only the pain he had endured during that time, but further increasing the panic of losing him a possible second time.
His death left them both scarred, left them both traumatized. Jason had lost his innocence, for a long time he lost who he had been and became someone else. And Bruce had lost a son, someone he had been protecting, taking care of and he failed, by mere minutes , but he failed, was left broken, and stayed broken for a very long time. They had thought they were past it, thought they could move on from the pain. But trauma lingers, and no one, not even the Dark Knight himself, can stop a trauma response.
“B.” Jason smiled sadly, heart aching, reaching up his hands, he curled his fingers around Bruce’s wrists. “I’m okay.”
Bruce didn’t look convinced, panic still swam within his eyes, “Are you sur—“
“Dad.” Bruce blinked, eyes widening at the name, tears forming, Jason let out a huff of laughter, “I’m okay .”
It took another moment of being under Bruce’s intense and fearful gaze, looking directly into his eyes before everything seemed to finally drain from him. Bruce bowed his head a moment and breathed, before pulling him in for another tight embrace. “I’m sorry… I… Jay, I’m sorry.”
Those two words had such an underline meaning, Jason pressed his cheek against Bruce’s shoulder, “It’s okay.”
Bruce shook his head, holding the back of his head, fingers in his hair, “It’s not.”
Jason rolled his eyes, “Stubborn.”
Bruce let out a wet snort, “Bot. Kettle.”
“What can I say?” Jason smirked in return. “Got it from my old man.”
Bruce responded by giving him another squeeze, “You sure you’re alright?”
He thought about lying, concealing his headache and his fatigue, but lying never ended well in their family. “Would it make you feel better if I stayed around for a couple of days?” He felt Bruce stiffen in his arms, finally he pulled back to look him in the eyes.
“Really?” Bruce inquired, searching his face for any sign that he wasn’t being truthful, then a flash of guilt washed over his father’s expression, “You… don’t have to if you don’t want to, I’m just…”
“Traumatized? Triggered?” Jason waved him off. “Listen, you need to go into dad mode for a bit and I’m exhausted. I’m here now so I might as well stay.”
Bruce still looked unsure, his expression still holding that lingering guilt that never really seemed to fade, “I just don’t want to push you. You and I have been— We’re… okay.”
Bruce was trying, despite him being so obviously inner turmoil, he was trying so hard to push down his own feelings in favor of making him feel better. Jason felt a warmth spread to his chest, “Yeah, we are okay, and that’s why I’m staying.” He placed his hands on Bruce’s and slowly pried them off his elbows, the gestures then towards the stairs, “C’mon, B. I think we both need a break.”
Bruce continued to gaze at him while they ascended the stone steps, he let out an amused huff of laughter. “Hot cocoa?”
He grinned, the man could read his mind sometimes, “Absolutely.”
They parted ways long enough for Bruce to go find Alfred, but while he was gone, Jason found himself walking along the hallway of the Manor until he found the library that Bruce built just for him. Bruce had said it had taken no time at all when he surprised him on his thirteenth birthday, hundreds of books in nearly every genre he liked. Jason, at the time had thought he might pass out from excitement, it had been too much, he said that several times verbally to Bruce, wide eyes and grinning but the man just shrugged and said that nothing was ever too much for one of his kids. Besides, no one else in the family loved books as much as him, well him and Bruce. Jason remembered countless times, the two of them sitting quietly, either reading to each other or silently, they did that for hours on end until Jason found himself waking up in his bed.
He smiled at the memory, and walked along the shelf until a particular one caught his eye, the book was The Go Between by L. P. Hartley. Jason bit the inside of his cheek, his stomach twisted into knots, this book had been the last one he read before—
Hesitantly, he reached for it, grasping the binding tightly before pulling it from the shelf and opening, the pages smelled old, worn but nostalgic all the same. Even the bookmark he used back then had since dulled in color and the tassel had even lost a few strings. He moved the bookmark aside and noticed the exact page he left off on: page 434 of Chapter 23, the last chapter before the epilogue.
A lump suddenly formed in his throat.
“Jason?”
He blinked, turning he saw Bruce standing there. Hot cocoa in hand, yet a look of concern on his face. Even from this distance, Jason could see the lingering fear still etched in his dad’s eyes. Looking closer, he noticed the cups had a few streak marks on the rims, a few of them even had run down Bruce’s hands, dripping onto the carpet, a clear indication that Bruce had rushed back to get here.
“Are you okay?”
He turned his head back at the book, and forced a smile, “Yeah, Um, just was looking for a book and I—“ He brought the book up, giving Bruce a clear view of what it was, “Found this.”
He watched as realization washed over Bruce’s face. Jason stood as stiff as a corpse, watching, waiting, for whatever was about to happen next. Would his father sprayal into panic at having been reminded of his death? Would he shut down like he’s done in the past? Finally after what felt like a lifetime, but was only a few minutes, Bruce moved forward, towards him, not cautiously, like Jason had been expecting, but as calm as he could be. “I remember, that had been your favorite at the time.”
Jason pressed his lips together, then forced another smile. “Yeah, it was.”
“You never finished.”
Jason shrugged, “I didn’t get a chance, this was before… before I…”
Even though they both had made leaps and strides in their relationship, even though they were okay. Talking or even mentioning his death within each other's presence still made them flinch. He joked about his death with others, with his siblings, that one time at the gala but at the end of the day, he’d died and it left them both traumatized. It still hurts to talk about, mention even. He knew that, joking about it was just how he coped.
“Would you like to finish it?”
Jason blinked, turning his gaze to Bruce, who was now smiling at him, a true smile. Not one that was pinched with fear or caution. “Really?”
“Yes.” Bruce walked away from him and placed the cups on the coffee table before sitting down.
Jason remained where he stood, he gripped the book tightly in his hands. Unsure why he was feeling so nervous all of a sudden. Bruce must have sensed his emotion, or he just had keen eyes and saw his expression as he blinked, his thoughts seeming to backpedal. “Or we could read something else—“
Jason managed to finally find his footing, his voice. “No no, it’s just… Why?” He moved forward, around the table and sat down next to his father.
Bruce looked down at the book, brushing a hand along the cover to get rid of the dust, opened it and smiled, running his thumb along the bookmark he had placed there so long ago. “I read this book dozens of times, as a kid it was one of my favorites and even after I started all this .” He paused a moment, gesturing to himself. “I know how it ends but you, you were so excited about it, reading was your oyster far more than it was Dick’s and the day you… when I lost you, I never picked it up again. You never got to finish it and every time I looked at it I saw you.”
Jason swallowed a lump in his throat he hadn’t realized had formed. They really were heading into territory, this really was a topic they both cautiously danced around. Logically, Jason knew they needed to talk about it, pretending it didn’t happen, joking about it wouldn’t really get them anywhere. Jason just never figured a book he never got to finish would be the starting point. “B, we really don’t have to talk about this—“
Bruce shook his head, “I know I’m… not asking that, we don’t have to, I just… thought that this could be closure? Besides, I know you're going to love how it ends.”
Jason sat there, staring at Bruce for a minute. The way his father was looking at him. Eyes full of hope and a warm yet apprehensive smile, how could he say no?
They leaned back on the couch in front of the fireplace, Jason couldn’t help but smile as he recalled all the memories of childhood, of Bruce and him sitting in these exact positions while Bruce read to him. He turned his gaze to Bruce and found him smiling as well, most likely recalling the same memories he was, “ “No, you shall come,” she said, and seized my hand, and it was then that we saw them, together on the ground, the Virgin and the Water-carrier, two bodies moving like one. ” Bruce read aloud, his tone near giddy but still managed to remain solemn and smooth. And even though Bruce was picking up right where Jason had left off, he needed no recap; he remembered everything. “I think I was more mystified than horrified; it was Mrs. Maudsley’s repeated screams that frightened me, and a shadow on the wall that opened and closed like an umbrella.”
Jason adjusted himself further into the comfort and warmth of the couch, leaned against the cushion, listening intently. Eventually, his head found a new resting spot against Bruce’s shoulder, the moment it did Bruce stopped and shifted his gaze to him, “We can stop if you want, you need sleep after the night you just had.”
Jason almost took Bruce up on his offer but stubbornly shook his head, as he furiously rubbed away the pull of sleep from his eyes and sat up straight. Yes, he felt warm, safe and so very comfortable that it was hard not to shut his eyes, but he knew if he slept that Bruce would stop reading and he really wanted to know how the book ended. He's been waiting years to know, lifetimes, it feels like.
“Keep going, you’re almost done.” He didn’t mean for his voice to come out so young and pleading but it did all the same.
Bruce let out a light huff of laughter, so reminiscent of how he would sound when he had less wrinkles on his face and grey in his hair. “Alright.”
He kept going, and going and when Marian began to cry, at the pure gratitude she was feeling, Jason found himself shedding a few tears as well, yet it was more than for the character in question, the tears had come abruptly, silently streaming down his cheeks. Bruce took notice, immediately setting the book down and holding him tightly to him. Jason shivered despite how warm his library was, he didn’t understand, why was everything suddenly bittersweet? Why was he so hesitant to finish something he’s waited years to see? Was it because this really did feel like closure?
Maybe he wasn’t ready after all.
“I’m sorry.” He murmured against Bruce’s shoulder, “I’m ruining it.”
“Shh…” Bruce soothed gently, smoothing his hair back with his hand. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I know I said we don’t have to talk about it, but… suddenly it feels like an ending I’m not ready for?”
“Then I won’t finish it.” Bruce stated calmly, “I’ll put the bookmark back and shelf it, and it’ll be there whenever you are ready to finish it. Until then, we can just sit here, like we used to, remember?”
Jason did remember; how could he ever forget the late nights after patrol, where he practically had to peel off his Robin suit from his skin, sweaty and exhausted yet feeling so fulfilled, some nights he simply dragged himself to his bed, but most of the time he walked to the library, determined to read at least one book before he passed out, where Bruce would always read to him, even making up his own voices for the characters to make him giggle that way a kid should. It all was so simple back then, times he cherished above nothing else, not even the memories of Catherine were as loved as his time with his father.
Jason nodded, yet guilt washed over him all the same. “I’m sorry.”
Bruce held him tighter, pressing a kiss to his temple, refusing to let go, hands still shaking; it seems the fear toxin hadn’t fully left his father’s system yet. “None of that, Jaylad, it’s okay.”
“Okay…”
Bruce eventually let go and they both started talking about happier times, like the time Bruce took him to the racetrack when he was twelve, or that time he met the Justice League and was face to face with Wonder Woman. Jason snorted, he had been so mesmerized by her very presence, much to Bruce’s annoyance.
“Oh do you remember that time Dick let his hair grow out?”
Bruce’s face scrunched up in discomfort, “God the mullet…”
Jason snickered, eyes shining with mischief, “It was so ugly! Or that time he tried to grow facial hair?”
This time Bruce cracked a smile, “You called him a hobo.”
“He was though! All he needed was a trench coat, maybe a beanie or a scarf!” He stated firmly, sitting up he gazed at Bruce for a moment before falling into a fit of laughter. He saw Bruce’s shoulder move, a clear indication of his father trying not to laugh. His laughter eventually died down and comfortable silence fell between them, he turned his head and noticed the pictures on the wall, many of them were art pieces but others were photos of his younger years. Some like when he first came to the manor, others going to his first day of school, or simply just reading a book. “Do you still have that picture of me covered in Neapolitan ice cream? Where the wind had been so strong that day that it splattered all over my clothes?”
“Of course, it’s on my bedside table.” Bruce said, smiling at the memory. “You looked so happy; smiling on the docks after we played a round or two of baseball; I couldn’t help but snap a photo.”
He remembered begging and begging Bruce for that ice cream, Bruce relenting on the agreement that they play a few rounds of catch, the ice cream being a reward to the winner. “I was happy.” He sighed contently, “Still am.”
Bruce wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in close to his side, his hands were no longer trembling. “Me too.”
Jason leaned his head on Bruce’s shoulder once more and smiled, finally closing his eyes, letting his exhaustion and the safety of Bruce’s presence finally pull him to sleep.