Chapter Text
Her fingers rest on the keys, twitching occasionally, though the sound of the music had long since faded. She blinks once, twice harder, noticing that her eyes are painfully dry. She reaches a sore hand up to a pale face, groaning quietly while rubbing her palm into her eyes.
A knock at the door (had there been one earlier?). She jumps slightly, before leaning back on the piano bench and opening the door a crack, which Sana takes as an invitation. When Dahyun’s eyes find hers, Sana tilts her head with her puppy look. “Did you hear me, Dahyun?”
“Hm…? No, sorry, what?” Dahyun asks, voice a little rough from disuse. Her eyes track up to the clock on the wall, defeated at the realization it’s already been 7 hours, that it’s 10pm. She mourns another day spent, precious time gone with no idea what she really used it for. It settles in her chest sticky and unpleasant, and she wrestles back the negative self-talk she can feel bubbling up from somewhere deep.
“I said, I was looking for you” Sana chirps, moving to sit shoulder to shoulder with the younger girl. “And I asked if you want to get something for dinner together?” she asks softly, leaning her shoulder against Dahyun’s. The weight is nice, steady, a balm to Dahyun’s tired head. “There’s that new sushi place a few blocks from our building, what do you think?” Sana asks.
Dahyun, having a soft spot for Sana, of course agrees, even if it is a little more meek than normal. The pair plan to share a ride back to their apartment building, change, and walk to the restaurant together.
She stands, joints and back popping loudly as she stretches, before taking a few gulps from her water bottle to loosen her throat. She feels hunger claw at her, and is dimly aware that Sana probably missed her at lunch, too.
Before long, and before she really realizes it, she’s standing in the cold in front of the JYP building, waiting for Sana and their driver, breath curling around her in faint wisps. Sana is just about to exit the lobby when she stops, watching Dahyun stand in the snow, just cold enough to fall but not cold enough to stick. The snow drifts gently through the sky, highlighted by the streetlamp Dahyun is under, and for a moment Sana forgot their plans, wholly enraptured by the sight of Dahyun. She’s broken from her reverie as the car pulls up.
Dahyun bows her head to the driver, setting her rehearsal bag in the trunk (‘a small case with just my necessities’, she tells Sana in an echo of a memory, ‘my microphone, mini recording interface, laptop, 25 key midi board’ and is just as in awe of Dahyun as she was the first time she heard the explanation). Sana isn’t far behind, sliding into the backseat next to her before pulling the door shut.
“To our apartment, please” Sana instructs the driver, who nods and begins driving. Something is playing through the radio softly, light and cheery, and she looks at Dahyun.
‘Oh, Dahyun,’ Sana thinks as she watches her friend up close for the first time that day (that week?). She looks exhausted. Rather than break the peace, she takes the smaller girl’s hand in hers, interlacing their fingers softly, and starts thinking about everything Dahyun’s been working on lately. Acting, promoting the movie she is starring in, rehearsing for their tour, writing for the comeback album next year, recording for the same, promos to go along with it. This must be the first full week she’s been back in Korea in months, the constant go-go-go of idol life only exacerbated by her other activities.
Just when Sana is going to ask, to offer a kind ear, or a ‘you know I’m always here for you, right’, Dahyun shifts over and rests her head on Sana’s shoulder, closing her eyes and smiling gently. At that, Sana’s heart loosens, warmth pooling low in her chest as she gently strokes circles into Dahyun’s hand.
Dahyun hums softly before breaking the silence herself, though her gaze remains trained out the window. “Thank you, for coming to find me” she begins. “Would you believe it if I told you I spent 7 hours in that practice room with nothing to show for it?” she says, not too kindly.
Sana takes that in for a moment, before responding firmly. “It happens,” though she doesn’t really know. “Maybe you need a break” she offers gently, choosing not to comment on Dahyun’s tone.
Dahyun hums at that. “A nice dinner with my best friend will do me good, so please allow me to treat you as a thanks” she offers. Sana smiles warmly, before laughing with excitement. “Only if you let me get the next one,” she chides, knowing that it doesn’t really matter who pays for what.
They arrive at their apartment building, hustling to get out of the cold, and take the elevator together (though they get off on different floors). Living separately in the same building was one of the best ideas the group had, and Sana is grateful it’s working out as well as it has.
Inside her own apartment now, Dahyun toes off her shoes, sets her bag on the ground inside the door, stretching her cold fingers out before heading to her room to change. She grabs the first presentable shirt she sees and a pair of jeans to go with. Quickly, she slips into the bathroom to change, lights off (they’re off more often these days, and Dahyun chooses not to think about that too hard).
Before long, the two are walking in the dark, holding hands and bundled in coats, hats, scarves. The snow has stopped, but the wind is piercing, blowing flurries about and forcing the girls to huddle closely. Few words are exchanged between the two, and a sense of wrongness begins to build in Sana. Her gaze lingers a long time, too long even, not that Dahyun notices.
Sana pulls Dahyun inside. The host greets them, and within moments they’re shown to a table for four. The pair sit next to one another at a table for 4, removing their coats and scarves, before Sana quietly looks over the menu. Before the host even walks away, Dahyun asks for 2 bottles of Soju.
“Dahyunnie, I thought you didn’t drink?” Sana asks, trying to not sound overly concerned. Even though she’s only a year older, she feels the need to protect her. But Dahyun is charming, and disarms her with a wide smile and a laugh. “We all need a little something now and again, no?” she asks, and Sana goes along with it, just relieved to finally see something other than a pensive grimace on her face.
Before long, the pair are through the first bottle. Warmth is all Sana can feel, in her face, her stomach, her heart. Spending this time with Dahyun is a balm to her worries, and the alcohol smooths over any doubts she may have. She’s exactly where she’s needed, focused on what’s in front of her, and she’s happy with that.
The food arrives and the pair pick at it slowly, chatting idly about what Sana’s been up to, some of the same as Dahyun. Recording for the comeback, working on some MiSaMo stuff, spending time with Boo and Dobby while Momo was back home in Japan. After a short lull in the conversation, and when Dahyun has a mouth full of tuna roll, she turns it around towards her junior. “And you?” she tilts her head calmly, butting Dahyun’s shoulder with her own.
Dahyun looks at her quizzically, before swallowing her food down with a mouthful of Soju. “And me, what?” she asks. Sana notices the pink flush to her cheeks, the gentle way her words run together, her eyelids drooping a little, and smiles softly, hoping to put her at ease.
“And you, how are you really? What have you been working on?” she asks, watching Dahyun carefully as she slurps another spoonful of miso broth.
Dahyun stiffens slightly and turns her face away, towards the bar, searching for any excuse to not have to talk about herself right now. Finding none, she exhales deeply. “I’m…” She hesitates, then smiles like it’s an answer. “I’m alright” she shrugs. The lie tastes sour, but it’s out before she can stop it. Sana watches her turn her chopsticks in her hands, a nervous habit. “I’ve been so busy, I feel like I barely have the time to just be, you know?” taking another pull of Soju as she avoids Sana’s gaze. “I often find myself wondering why I even do all this, the acting and everything” she muses quietly, causing Sana to physically stiffen out of concern.
Before Sana can reply Dahyun continues, a thin hand moving to rest on the remaining bottle, quickly taking another few swigs. “Things will slow down soon, they always do this time of year, Seollal and all. Just need to hold on.” She smiles at Sana, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and Sana doesn’t know if it’s from the alcohol, or if she is trying to deflect any concern. Dahyun has always been the least comfortable of the members with being known.
Sana’s appetite is suddenly gone, stomach turning with unease. She picks up her plate, setting it across the table from her, and starts sipping her water. “You’ll go home for the holiday, then?” she prods, hopeful that her friend at least has something planned away from the company soon. “Even if home isn’t far for you, just getting a break, getting to be with family helps, right?” prompting Dahyun, trying to keep her talking. She watches as Dahyun hesitates before taking another deep pull of the Soju, well past tipsy and into drunk territory for a lightweight like her.
“Mmmm, maybe” she says, trailing off with a hint of something sad on her flushed face. “I don’t have anything planned, but I was thinking of taking a train and spending the day out there.” She pauses, withdrawing her hand from the table, resting it in her lap instead. Someone drops a plate across the room, and the bartender palms his face. “I have a schedule first thing in the morning after, a radio spot I think…” she trails off, quietly adding “I really want some Tteokguk this year.”
Sana's smile drops as Dahyun’s eyes start to shine with unshed tears. “Oh, Dahyunnie…” she sighs as her heart nearly cracks into two in her chest. She leans over, pulling the smaller girl into a hug, just holding her for a moment. “You’re working yourself to the bone” she murmurs.
The bartender returns from cleaning the dropped plate. Sana thinks Chaeyoung would find some kind of weird poetry in the timing of it, and suddenly longs for her (or any other member) to be here with the two of them. She feels out of her depth.
Dahyun just shakes in Sana’s arms, unable (or unwilling) to vocalize any further. Sana flags down their waitress, asks for the bill, and holds her friend a little tighter. It’s all she can do to soothe at this point. Dahyun sniffles when Sana separates the embrace, dark eyes glued to the floorboards.
“Let’s go, lovely” she says as she stands, first dressing herself in her coat and winter gear. She recalls the airplane safety spiel, in the event of an emergency something something help yourself before helping others, and the party who dropped the plate exits the restaurant.
Sana pulls Dahyun to her feet, chest tightening at how Dahyun lets herself be guided, newly aware of how drunk she is, and gets her coat and hat on, forgoing the scarf in favor of getting out of there. The waitress returns with the bill, and Sana leaves more than enough cash to cover it, hurrying out the door with one hand around the waist of her unsteady friend, catching her when she stumbles.
The pair make their way back to their apartment building. Sana holds Dahyun’s hand in a vice grip, walking on her left side, looking back every few seconds. Dahyun hasn’t met her eyes since they left the restaurant, and Sana’s heart pangs with concern.
The duo turn the final corner, speeding up to get out of the cold. If nothing else, Dahyun is grateful that the weather stopped her hysterics, forcing her to focus on just getting home. She feels more sober, more in control, able to stuff down her loneliness and exhaustion. They key into the building, shivering and red faced. As they wait at the elevator, Sana puts her hands on Dahyun’s shoulders and physically turns her to look her in the eye. “I’m sorry Dahy-” she begins before Dahyun holds up a hand.
“I’m okay, really. You have nothing to apologize for,” she begins in a clipped tone, eager to leave her outburst behind them. “I had too much to drink and that’s my fault.” And Sana can only just bite back the hurt in her chest, before shaking her head. “Tomorrow, before rehearsal if we can, we’re going to sit down with JYP and Jihyo if she’s available.” she says with a tone of authority. “And you’re going to let them know what’s going on.” Before she can continue, the elevator chimes, doors opening to reveal a group of 3 twenty-somethings, yapping loudly about something she doesn’t care to think about. They wait a moment for the group to clear out, before Sana pulls Dahyun in, hitting the button for Dahyun’s floor.
The silence is almost deafening, broken only by the whir and slight side-to-side shake of the elevator. Sana’s ears pop when they pass floor 24, and she works her jaw against the pressure change. The elevator gives a final shake on 30, doors opening with a quiet tone, and Sana is more relieved than she thought she’d be when nobody is on the other side.
She holds the door for Dahyun, motioning her out of the elevator and following behind as the two make their way towards Dahyun’s apartment. The tension in the air is thick, but Sana is determined to give her friend the space to answer, to realize just how much she cares for her, they all care for her, as that’s something she’s clearly been missing.
When they reach her door and she still hasn’t answered, Sana again breaks the silence. “I love you, Dahyun. We all do. And we won’t stand by and watch you burn the candle from both ends, until there’s nothing left. I refuse,” she has to pause, voice cracking with emotion. “I refuse” she repeats with finality.
Dahyun finally, finally, meets her eyes. “I love you too” she states with conviction. “And thank you for dinner, Sana.”
And Sana almost pleads with Dahyun to let her stay the night, to have a sleepover like they would when they were trainees, to let Sana comfort her, but someone down the hall opens their door, and the moment is broken. Dahyun quickly keys her fob to the lock, clearing her throat, before flipping the safety latch to prop the door and pulling Sana in for another hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
And Sana nearly pulls back to meet her in the eye again, but Dahyun holds her tight.
And Sana trusts that she really is alright, maybe a bit tired, a bit tipsy. But she trusts her.
The pair separate, Dahyun letting the door shut behind her, Sana on the outside, and she lays a palm against the door. It’s cool against her hand, a sharp contrast with the warmth, the gentle sturdiness of Dahyun.
After a moment, she pulls her hand back. As she heads to her apartment, she pulls up her email on her phone, drafting a message to JYP and Jihyo. She prays JYP will understand, but includes Jihyo knowing she’ll be an ally with them, an advocate for rest.